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Dear Citizen,

If I wore a hat it would cover all of my luscious hair. And then that Cursed Orlando Bloom would win the "Best Hair in the Imperium Award" and we can't have that I mean last time I lost(To Fulgrim) I killed a whole Ork Waagh on Ullanor and was fired from my job.


Dear Teh Spam Emperor,


What do you eat? I mean personally I love raw meats and strong alcohol but that's just me.

Your friend,
Lemon Russ

Dear Lemon Russ,
I like to order pizza, but all the delivery boys die of shock when they see my shriveled body on the Golden Throne. Do you know how many servo skulls have been made from Dominos delivery boys? And as for your disgusting eating habits, I would say knock off the raw meat before you end up with E.coli or something, and sober up before you end up shooting yourself with your own bolter!
Sincerely,
The Emperor of Mankind
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Heigh-ho, Emperor,
We'd like you to guest star on The Muppet Show sometime! I think it would be nice to have a different kind of talent on the show, like instead of a singing or acting personality, to have a warrior/leader instead. Of course, we'd love it if you'd do a musical number or maybe tell jokes with Fozzie the Bear, but we can play it by ear. Maybe you can show Bunsen Honeydew how to make his own Space Marine, although it might not end well for poor Beaker...
All the best,
Kermit the Frog

FireSkullz2 wrote:



Dear Teh Spam Emperor,


What do you eat? I mean personally I love raw meats and strong alcohol but that's just me.

Your friend,
Lemon Russ

Lemon Russ? I don't have friends named Lemon.

Are you related my boy Leman? Where is ole Leman anyway, feel like I haven't seen him in ages.

Not too many friends at all these days, just me and the Zombified Corpse of Malcador the Sigillite.

And those guys with the gold hats. And the creepy flying babies, what's up with that anyway?

So generally Malcador eats brains, usually from the creepy flying babies. Me I get by on the low-cal diet of Psyker Souls, which I get catered in because I don't like to go out too much these days.

You Lord and Master
Teh

-------------------------------------------------------------
And while we're on the subject...

Dear Valued Customer,

As part of our customer service-focused outlook we would like to poll you on your preferences.

Do you prefer:
A-Asian cuisine
B-Latin cuisine
C-Mediterrainian Cuisine
D-African Cuisine

Do you prefer:
A-Girls
B-Boys

What is your reaction to our new Psykers With Zesty Flavorsause (TM)?
A-
B-
C-
D-

Do you prefer you psykers:
A-Raw
B-Rare
C-Medium
D-Well done

And finally do you have any other comments to help us improve our selection and service?

Your obedient servant,

Master Emero
Lord of the Black Ships
Chief Caterer of the Imperial Palace

 Kid_Kyoto wrote:

And while we're on the subject...

Dear Valued Customer,

As part of our customer service-focused outlook we would like to poll you on your preferences.

Do you prefer:
A-Asian cuisine
B-Latin cuisine
C-Mediterrainian Cuisine
D-African Cuisine

Do you prefer:
A-Girls
B-Boys

What is your reaction to our new Psykers With Zesty Flavorsause (TM)?
A-
B-
C-
D-

Do you prefer you psykers:
A-Raw
B-Rare
C-Medium
D-Well done

And finally do you have any other comments to help us improve our selection and service?

Your obedient servant,

Master Emero
Lord of the Black Ships
Chief Caterer of the Imperial Palace

Dear Master Emero,

I prefer Asian Cusine, Boys, , and Well Done. I think you should cook up some Orks for us.

Take it easy,

Das emp

---------------------------------------
Dear Emperor,

When you are on that throne, do you play video games? Like Mario Bros? I play Mario Bros, and Tetris too. What about you?

Regards,
Video Gamer

Dear Video Gamer ,

I, the space Emporer of space video gaming, wouldn't stay where I am if I had no video games.

Was waiting to play Dawn of War 4 in God - Emporer - mode but sadly, it still didn't find its way to me...
So I keep myself entertained with reading that pile of gaming mags of games of the future ... did they really move on to more than 16 colors ?

Back to your original question, which games does your favorite video gamer of space play:

How about Pole Position, Choplifter , Star Gate , Vanguard , Solaris , Gorf , Beam Rider , Dark Chambers , Moon Patrol, Pitfall , or this lenghty title of "Quest for quintana roo" ?
No?

This entertainment system of mine also has 2 controller ports and I have 2 Joysticks, maybe I'll have my Custodes pick you up and we'll play ?

Best video gamer in space , also known as "Big E".

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . , . . . . . , , . , , , . . -.... ...... - . . . . . . ...--- . . . . . , . , . .. . . . . . . . . . ,,, ....... . . . . . . . . . . . . . - . . . . . . . . . . . . -. . . , . . . . . . . . . . .


Venerated Glorious Leader of us all, Master of Mankind,

please stop sending reinforcements. Less than 1 m 2 per Trooper is a little bothersome.

By your will, could you also stop protecting ?

We got more summary executions to do than ammo and to make it worse, "the Emporer protects" works against us. We wasted tons of good ammo to no avail, cause you protect. Please dear Lord,
give us an chance to summary execute someone successfully. Please, just one.

Confused Commissar on Cantina VII. Attached to Imperial crusades 345, 368, 3977-4122 .

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . , . . . . . , , . , , , . . -.... ...... - . . . . . . ...--- . . . . . , . , . .. . . . . . . . . . ,,, ....... . . . . . . . . . . . . . - . . . . . . . . . . . . -. . . , . . . . . . . . . . .


Venerated Glorious Leader of us all, Master of Mankind,

please stop sending reinforcements. Less than 1 m 2 per Trooper is a little bothersome.

By your will, could you also stop protecting ?

We got more summary executions to do than ammo and to make it worse, "the Emporer protects" works against us. We wasted tons of good ammo to no avail, cause you protect. Please dear Lord,
give us an chance to summary execute someone successfully. Please, just one.

Confused Commissar on Cantina VII. Attached to Imperial crusades 345, 368, 3977-4122 .

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Commissar

I can't just stop protecting. It's kind of a thing I do.

Also prepare for another fresh batch of troops that I definatly did not just sent just now.

With love (and conscripts)

The Amazing and Glorious Emperor of Mankind
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Emps

Are you Horus?

From a friendly Chaos Fanatic

Dear Friendlly Chaos Fanatic,

I am not Horus. I gutted Horus like a fish 10,000 years ago, now kindly stay where you are so my Custodes can lock on to your position. Prepare to be purged.

Regards,

Emps

----------------------------------------------------

Dear Space Emperor,

Can you kindly stop sending the Death Korps to fight alongside my comrades and I? They're so depressing and since we're fighting the forces of Nurgle things are depressing enough. These guys just keep charging the enemy, and even when they're at base they do nothing except for plot their own deaths. Can you send someone who's a little more upbeat?

Regards,

Guardsman Joe on Boringstein IV

Dear Joey

You know I'm feeling especially kind today, so I will stop Death Korps reinforcements.

To replace with Angry Marines.

Have fun.

With love,

Empys
--------------------------------------------------------------------
To Mr. Emperor

Are you more fabulous than Fulgrim? Are you more mad than Angron? Are you more scary than Leman Russ? Are you harder than Dorn? Are you more cunning than Alpharius('s?)?

Are you the hero we wanted? Or the hero we needed?

Love,

Gladiator commentator

Dear Gladiator Commentator,

Yes to all your questions. I am the Emperor. I am above all.

Regards,
Das Emp
---------------------------

Dear Emp,

Recently, I got a chair with an ottoman. Another member of my family got a chair, minus the ottoman.
Put them in the living room, with a side table between them, and they look great.
However, a couch will be coming in April, and there may not be enough space to have the couch, chair, chair with ottoman, side table, and TV in one room. I think the living room's dimensions are 10' by 15'. How can we arrange the living room so that everything fits? Please help if you can. If you need to, draw a diagram.

Regards,
Citizen from 2016

Dear Citizen

Are you kidding me? We do have interiatus designums that kind of do that. You don't need to ask me every single petty question your ancient mind asks.

Also they will all fit snugly.

do not reply,

Emperor (insert last name here)

----------------------------------------------

Dear Glorious, Most Golden Emperor of Mankind

What is your favourite posting forum for tabletop wargaming? Ive seen your collections in the palace.

With insane amounts of gratitude that you would even look at my question,

Custodes no. 16

Dear Custode no. 16,

My favorite forum for posting is Dakka, and it should be yours too. If I catch word that you use any other forum you will be purged.

Regards,

Space Emperor

----------------------------------------------

Dear Space Emperor,

My neighbor has been acting a bit strange lately. He's always wearing dark robes, and he has some strange symbols tattooed all over his body. I mean, just last week he sacrificed my cat to someone named "Khorne". What should I do?

Regards,

Concerned Citizen

 War Kitten wrote:

Dear Space Emperor,

My neighbor has been acting a bit strange lately. He's always wearing dark robes, and he has some strange symbols tattooed all over his body. I mean, just last week he sacrificed my cat to someone named "Khorne". What should I do?

Regards,

Concerned Citizen

Dear Citizen,
I'm afraid your message is a bit vague, for example is your neighbor dressing in righteous puritanical robes such as those worn by the Red Redemption (love those guys) and the Most Holy Inquisition or is he wearing heretical robes such as those worn by the Servants of the Dark Ones of Whom We Hardly Ever Speak?

Or is he wearing frilly foo-foo robes like the Space Elfs?

You mentioned something about cat-killing, unfortunately that doesn't help since I really can't stand those beasts. Plus I mean, I eat the souls of like a thousand million billion psykers every day so it's not like one cat is going to upset me.

So I guess um... maybe?

So tell you what, go out and try and kill him. If you succeed then he was a heretic and my righteous fire was with you.

If you fail they he was righteous and you're a heretic for bothering me with this.

Yours,
Big E

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

My Immortal Master:

As you know March 8 is Intergalactic Ladies' Nite, but as we go out for our traditional celebration with two-for-one shots at Bennegan's



Let's stop and reflect on the true meaning of Intergalactic Ladies' Nite.

As you yourself once said "Ladies Hold Up Two-Fifths of the Sky, and They Would Totally Hold Up Half But For Their Proportionately Lower Upper Body Strength" yet ladies today are no where near 40% status.

Even after 38000 years women are still relegated to typical lady jobs such as Nuns with Guns, Bondage Ninjas and Smexy Dominatrix Commissars. For a while it seemed that the Inquisition's diversity program was opening up new opportunities for Ladies as Witch Hunting Inquisitors but that seems to have peetered out. When was the last time you saw a female Inquisitor anyway?

These days outside of Space Crusade you hardly see any Ladies at all in the grimdark.

What can we do to really fulfill the promise of Intergalactic Ladies' Nite?

Yours
Feminist on Fenris

 Kid_Kyoto wrote:

My Immortal Master:

As you know March 8 is Intergalactic Ladies' Nite, but as we go out for our traditional celebration with two-for-one shots at Bennegan's



Let's stop and reflect on the true meaning of Intergalactic Ladies' Nite.

As you yourself once said "Ladies Hold Up Two-Fifths of the Sky, and They Would Totally Hold Up Half But For Their Proportionately Lower Upper Body Strength" yet ladies today are no where near 40% status.

Even after 38000 years women are still relegated to typical lady jobs such as Nuns with Guns, Bondage Ninjas and Smexy Dominatrix Commissars. For a while it seemed that the Inquisition's diversity program was opening up new opportunities for Ladies as Witch Hunting Inquisitors but that seems to have peetered out. When was the last time you saw a female Inquisitor anyway?

These days outside of Space Crusade you hardly see any Ladies at all in the grimdark.

What can we do to really fulfill the promise of Intergalactic Ladies' Nite?

Yours
Feminist on Fenris

Dear Feminist on Fenris,

You can invite more people. I know some Sisters of Battle who would be happy to join Intergalactic Ladies' Nite. They are located on the planet Domainia. I'll let them know about you.

Regards,

Das Emp
------------------------------------------------
Dear Emperor,
Ohhh yeahhhh
Seummm soumm... yeouhh... macarron
Yeahhh... macarron... no...
Chacarron
Chacarron
Chacarron
Chacarron

Ihni binni dimi diniwiny anitaime
Ihni binni dimi dini uan mor taime
Or ihni binni diniwiny ani taime
O Ihni binni dini one mor taime

Chacarron, chacarron
Nini nini ron
Chacarron, chacarron
Nini nini ron
Shakaroni shakaroni
Nini nini ron
Chacarron, chacarron
Nini nini ron

Ihni binni dimi diniwiny anitaime
Ihni binni dimi dini uan mor taime
Or ihni binni diniwiny ani taime
O Ihni binni dini one mor taime

Chacarron, chacarron
Nini nini ron
Chacarron, chacarron
Nini nini ron
Shakaroni shakaroni
Nini nini ron
Chacarron, chacarron
Nini nini ron

HIP!
Chacarron
Nini nini ron
HIP!

HIP!
Nini nini ron

Enny thaiwn you play
Enny thaiwn you flow
Abititta ini ina chacarron
Enny thaiwn you flow
Into this groove...
Unda the guide of the winny poo
Macarron the cove
Ini giv mi flow
Abititta za inni chacarron
In di gane dini giv mi flow
Gama gimi ini ini blow

Chacarron, chacarron
Nini nini ron
Chacarron, chacarron
Nini nini ron
Shakaroni shakaroni
Nini nini ron
Chacarron, chacarron
Nini nini ron

Ihni binni dimi diniwiny anitaime
Ihni binni dimi dini uan mor taime
Or ihni binni diniwiny ani taime
O Ihni binni dini one mor taime

Chacarron, chacarron
Nini nini ron
Chacarron, chacarron
Nini nini ron
Shakaroni shakaroni
Nini nini ron
Chacarron, chacarron
Nini nini ron

O my ggggoooodd!
HIP! yeah
Nini nini ron
HIP!
Chacarron
Nini nini ron
HIP! yeah
Nini nini ron
HIP! yeah
Nini nini ron

Ihni binni dimi diniwiny anitaime
Ihni binni dimi dini uan mor taime
Or ihni binni diniwiny ani taime
O ihni binni dini one mor taime

Chacarron, chacarron
Nini nini ron
Chacarron, chacarron
Nini nini ron
Shakaroni shakaroni
Nini nini ron
Chacarron, chacarron
Nini nini ron

Enny thaiwn you play
Enny thaiwn you flow
Abititta ini ina chacarron
Enny thaiwn you flow
Into this groove...
Unda the guide of the winny poo
Macarron the cove
Ini giv mi flow
Abititta za inni chacarron
In di gane dini giv mi flow
Gama gimi ini ini blow

Chacarron chacarron & the macarron
Chacarron chacarron & the macarron
Chacarron macarron chacarron macarron
Ina foke nika foke & the macarron

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm macarron
Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm macarron

HIP!
Chacarron
Nini nini ron
HIP!

Shark arooooooooooooound

Regards,
El Chombo and El Mudo, artist(s) of Chacarron Macarron

Dear El Chombo, and El Mudo,

Prepare to be purged from existence for that Heresy

Regards,

Space Emperor

--------------------------------------------------------

Dear Space Emperor,

Can you talk to Forgeworld and ask them to lower their prices? I would dearly love to buy some stuff from them, but their prices are astronomical.

Thanks,

Poor Citizen from 2016

 War Kitten wrote:

Dear Space Emperor,

Can you talk to Forgeworld and ask them to lower their prices? I would dearly love to buy some stuff from them, but their prices are astronomical.

Thanks,

Poor Citizen from 2016

Dear Poor Citizen from 2016,

I'll have you know I have talked to them millions (yes, quite literally millions) of times, and they always say no. And before you get any ideas, I have also asked Games Workshop, and they also say no. Go bother someone else.

Regards,

Das Emp
------------------------------------------
Dear Emperor,

What is love?

Regards,

Haddaway

Dear Haddaway,

Love is a useless emotion. Go bother someone else.

Regards,

Space Emperor.

---------------------------------------------------

Dear Space Emperor,

I was just wondering, what do you think about ladies' night? I'm a bit conflicted over it and I wanted to see what other people thought about it

Regards,

Citizen from 2016

 War Kitten wrote:

Dear Space Emperor,

I was just wondering, what do you think about ladies' night? I'm a bit conflicted over it and I wanted to see what other people thought about it

Regards,

Citizen from 2016

Dear Citizen from 2016,

Ladies night is a night only for ladies. If you're a man, then you can come to our "boyz night" on Holy Terra. Just watch out for the orks, though.

Take it easy,

Das Emp
--------------------------------------------
Dear Emperor,

Have you ever met Gork and Mork? One time, they beat me up tag-team style. When I confronted them about it, they said they were bored. I've gotten reports from orks that an all out Waaagh is on its way to your palace, led by none other than Gork and Mork themselves. I'll send you some backup forces if you need 'em.

Regards,

Nurgle

Dear fat wife beater,

I told you before to crawl back into that anus you call the Eye of terror or do I have sent you another crusade of the righteous fury of the Astartes to put you and your damded kind back into the hell where you belong!
If I was not strapped to this shiny chair I would take Gork and Mork to your house and the three of us will remodel your garden with fire. Free that poor girl you forced into that abusive relationship you mistake for love.She deserves better. We would flush your head in a toilet, but you probably would like that.

May you purged with Holy fire,
The Emperor
-----------------------------------------------------
Dear Emperor,

I have most troubling news!
We run across an isolated star system shielded by astroid fields and warp storms. The inhabitants are a mix of human and Xenos who live together in heretical peace!
In my opinion Human, Eldar, Tau and Orks can only have a relationship of proper hate and Despise. They have set up some sort of mixed race counsil as their ruling body.
Their defence force appears to consists of a misguide chapter of Astartes who have combined the Imperial guard, Space marine and various Xeno forces of this system into a single powerfull army!
Worse they have cast aside the Holy rites dictated by the Adeptus Mechanicus of Mars and made unholy progress in technology and weapons.
They claim to be in possession of an archive of knowledge on human and Xeno civilization over the last 40.000 years. A mysterious and there for dangerous Xeno race collected this data from some ancient technologies called "Television signals" and "The Internet". I shutter to think what dark and forbidden knowledge they may contain.
I informed the Inquisition, but they told it would take 5647 years for the Administratum to process my request.
Direct intervention will prove to be very difficult as the system is well protected by its natural barriers. Also I believe they can sabotage our communications with music and massive amounts of pictures of felines.
I hope your define power will stop these vile Heretics who dare believe in this peace and harmony for these are the seeds of ruination!

with Holy regards,
Captain Tinius Filicus of the Imperial waste disposal barge Sus Fetor.

 korbenn wrote:

Dear Emperor,

I have most troubling news!
We run across an isolated star system shielded by astroid fields and warp storms. The inhabitants are a mix of human and Xenos who live together in heretical peace!
In my opinion Human, Eldar, Tau and Orks can only have a relationship of proper hate and Despise. They have set up some sort of mixed race counsil as their ruling body.
Their defence force appears to consists of a misguide chapter of Astartes who have combined the Imperial guard, Space marine and various Xeno forces of this system into a single powerfull army!
Worse they have cast aside the Holy rites dictated by the Adeptus Mechanicus of Mars and made unholy progress in technology and weapons.
They claim to be in possession of an archive of knowledge on human and Xeno civilization over the last 40.000 years. A mysterious and there for dangerous Xeno race collected this data from some ancient technologies called "Television signals" and "The Internet". I shutter to think what dark and forbidden knowledge they may contain.
I informed the Inquisition, but they told it would take 5647 years for the Administratum to process my request.
Direct intervention will prove to be very difficult as the system is well protected by its natural barriers. Also I believe they can sabotage our communications with music and massive amounts of pictures of felines.
I hope your define power will stop these vile Heretics who dare believe in this peace and harmony for these are the seeds of ruination!

with Holy regards,
Captain Tinius Filicus of the Imperial waste disposal barge Sus Fetor.

Dear Captain Tinius,

I'm sending an exterminatus to help you get out of there. It should be there in 5 hours. Hold out as long as you can.

Regards,

Das Emp
---------------------------------------
Dear Emperor,

What can I talk to you about? I have run out of things to say.

Regards,

Citizen from 2016

Dear citizen,

Please stop sending letters then. I have better things to do you know like keeping Terra from having daemons everywhere.

Please leave,
Empys

----------------------------------

Dear Emperor

I'm you from the future! Probably.

Love Sigmar.

 WarbossDakka wrote:


Dear Emperor

I'm you from the future! Probably.

Love Sigmar.

Dear Sigmar,

I have no idea who you are, so GET OUT OF MY HAIR! (though I have none)

Love (not really),

Das emp
---------------------------------
Dear Emperor,

Is this is Krusty Krab?

Regards,

Random Bikini Bottom Citizen

No. This is the Emperor.

was there a point to this?

Regards,
See above.

------------------------------------------------------

Dear Emperor,

I have a great problem and I frankly don't know who to turn too. You see one of my hands is slightly pinker than the other.
I thought of consulting an apothocary but frankly I'd rather thought you where the better option.

Regards,
Harold.

 korbenn wrote:


Dear Emperor,

I have a great problem and I frankly don't know who to turn too. You see one of my hands is slightly pinker than the other.
I thought of consulting an apothocary but frankly I'd rather thought you where the better option.

Regards,
Harold.

Dear Harold,

Just because one of your hands is pinker than the other doesn't mean you're sick. Go see your apothecary. You probably have increased blood flow to one hand.

Regards,

Das Emp
------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Emperor,

Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?

Regards,

Patchy the Pirate

Dear Patchy,

Nobody lives under the sea now. It's a radioactive cesspool, but I do dispose of my enemies there, so maybe their skeletons live down there?

Regards,
Emp

-----------------------------

Dear Space Emperor,

I have an issue. You see, I want to go purge some Eldar, but they also make the best wine, and I love drinking wine. So if I purge them I lose the wine, but if I don't purge them then they still live. What should I do?

Signed,

Inquisitor Joe

Dear Inquisitor Joe,
You don't need to purge those xenos. That's the Deathwatch's job, not yours. However, I wonder if you can spot any heretics (which IS your job) when you're too busy drinking Eldar wine. I'd suggest you get on the wagon and stop with the wine before you yourself have to be purged.
Regards,
The Emperor
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Emperor of Terra,
You might as well do the right thing and surrender to the Greater Good. All you are doing by resisting us is prolonging the inevitable. Your people on worlds we have taken from you rejoice at being freed from your backward Imperium. Your military's technology is so primitive I'm surprised it even scratches the paint on our battlesuits. Our destiny is to rule the galaxy, and so we shall, for the Greater Good. So why die resisting us when you can join us and live?
Sincerely,
Por'vre Pro'paga'nde
Tau Water Caste

 ZergSmasher wrote:

Dear Emperor of Terra,
You might as well do the right thing and surrender to the Greater Good. All you are doing by resisting us is prolonging the inevitable. Your people on worlds we have taken from you rejoice at being freed from your backward Imperium. Your military's technology is so primitive I'm surprised it even scratches the paint on our battlesuits. Our destiny is to rule the galaxy, and so we shall, for the Greater Good. So why die resisting us when you can join us and live?
Sincerely,
Por'vre Pro'paga'nde
Tau Water Caste

Dear Por'vre Pro'paga'nde,

I am stuck on the golden throne, so I cannot join you. Why not ask this King Sigmar dude I keep hearing about?

Regards,

Das emp
-----------------------------------------------
Hello,

We heard you were having a pool party. We think that iz fun. We'll be rite over.

Sincerely,
The Zombies

Dear Zombies,

I am afraid that, what you mistake for a pool is actually a massive drainage basin for the radioactive coolant water from my throne.
Its secondary systems need a constant flow of ice cold water to cool the atomic reactor that powers them. Courtesy of General Atomic's I suppose.
Some pilgrims like to sprinkle it all over them self and others and call it Holy water. They are weird like that.
Being stuck on the contraption for hundreds of years makes me laugh at anything I suppose. If I could move my face.

Regards,
The Emperor.

-------------------------------------------

Dear Princess Celestia,

Friendship is a wondrous and powerful thing. Even the worst of enemies can become friends. You need understanding and compromise. You've got to share. You've got to care.

Always your faithful student,
Twilight Sparkle.

 korbenn wrote:

Dear Princess Celestia,

Friendship is a wondrous and powerful thing. Even the worst of enemies can become friends. You need understanding and compromise. You've got to share. You've got to care.

Always your faithful student,
Twilight Sparkle.

Dear Twilight Sparkle,

I am not Princess Celestia. I am the Emperor of Mankind, and you will refer to me as such.

Regards,

Emp
---------------------------------------------
Dear Emperor,
I am Clin-Ton. As overlord, you will kneel trembling before me and obey my brutal commands. End communication.
-Bill Clinton, aka Kodos from The Simpsons

Dear Clin-Ton,

As I am being the Emperor of mankind bound to the Golden Throne I will do no such thing!
Even if I wanted to my body is an inanimate husk of my former self and incapable of motion.

May my light blind you,
The Emperor.

--------------------------------------

Dear Sir,

I object strongly to the questions in this thread.
They are clearly not written by the general Dakka members and are merely included for a cheap laugh.

Yours sincerely etc.,
Sir Richard Butkisss.

 korbenn wrote:

Dear Sir,

I object strongly to the questions in this thread.
They are clearly not written by the general Dakka members and are merely included for a cheap laugh.

Yours sincerely etc.,
Sir Richard Butkisss.

Dear Sir Richard Butkisss,

First off, I can't stop laughing. Whoever your mother is, I want to slap her for giving you such a stupid name.
All that aside, Dakka Members do write me letters, some are just ridiculous. Now buzz off, before I sent an exterminatus to your home planet.

Regards,
Das emp
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Dear Emperor,

I am inviting you to my birthday party. It is at 47 Slaanesh street, in Seattle, Washington on 3-19-2016 from 8am-12am. We'll have a whale of a time, with Whale Crackers, Whale Cakes, and Whale themed presents. Can you come?

Regards,

Anna McBanna