BAIT AND SWITCH!
Well, sort of...
I had a battle today; this is true. I will tell you all my loyal and adulatory readers about it; this is true.
It was not the Vylka Fynryka, nay. Nor the Emperor's Fools.
We have a new End Times campaign at the local
GW. Rad. I deployed the doughty men of the Empire against the pansy High Elves.
The guy I played, Micheal Jordan(yeah...he gets that a lot), has a force made up of about 4 or 5 Island of Blood boxes. He finally got some paint on it, bless his heart. His stated strategy for the campaign is to "play like a d*ck". Is the d word safe on Dakka? Ask Whale, he's in charge of the whole thing isn't he?
So, I decided to fight fire with fire. I made a list to go against what I know he has. Because I have more models than him and I can do that.
His list was 4 units of 5 Ellyrian Reavers. These are Fast Cavalry. I will explain these things to all you
40k players if you decide to read them. If you already play
WHFB and you think I am talking down to you, then think of the sportscasting during the Super Bowl, where they explain the game of football to all the people who don't watch it every week(
btw, Steelers win/Ravens lose=good day on the gridiron. Go Colts?) MJ was watching the game I played against Matt that I posted earlier in my bl0rg. He was astonished at the
BS I was pulling off with my pistoliers, riding around wherever blasting away and generally disrupting everything. Fast Cav can reform at will, so if you can measure to a point within their movement you just put them there. In blocky block
WHFB world, this is rad. You get beside, behind, in front, wherever, and then when they charge you. you run away and reform the next turn(if you pass
Ld) and then move like nothing happened. You can shoot on the march(double move-if an enemy is close you test
Ld to do it, hence why it is useful to get behind). So, he stole my thunder and started actually using his Fast Cav the right way. He went a LITTLE overboard with 4 units maybe.
He then had a Horde of Swordmasters of Hoeth. Horde is 10 models wide. His was 4 ranks deep. That's a lot of Swordmasters. A lot. I will go into why they are ridiculous beasts when it comes up.
He then had Aleriel and Teclis. Teclis is THE best caster in the game. Alariel(or however it's spelled) is no slouch at all.
This list sucks to play against. It's a min Core(think 2 troops-
40k kids) Star List that revolves around Teclis tearing your army asunder. I had seen him play this list(and lose-dice luck) and knew it was his trick.
So, I bought sniper rifles.
I had 2 Great Cannons(which are just really big sniper rifles-I know it's wierd, but they don't miss, more on this later). And stuffed as many Hochland Long Rifles as I could. I had 2 Engineers, one on foot one on barded warhorse. I had 2 min squads of handgunners with marksmen with the long gun. I was channeling my inner Daniel Day Lewis. What sucks is that I normally play all painted to make a point, look gorgeous, but also because you get points in the store for playing that way. But those models have gotten the paint yet. I also had a witchhunter, because Killing Blow. The choice is based around Snipe, which means I can say, "I shoot at YOU." and ignores Look out sir. I can also shoot at a seperate target than the rest of the unit.
I also had a bus of 40 militia(a bus is a deep unit that takes advantage of Steadfast, which is, nutshelled, Stubborn when you have more ranks). I has 8 ranks, I has stubborn. At least, that's the thought behind it...
I also had 15 knights with a Battle Standard Bearer or
BSB in parlance. My knights have full plate forged by dwarfish armorers mounted on barded warhorses. This gives them a 2+ armor save. This does not make them the same as Termies, but it ain't even close to bad. Mine have great weapons instead of lances, which means they can't have the 1+ save that a shield and lance would give them, but they look rad, so...
The
BSB is in my gallery, you can tell he is a
BSB, because he has a HUGE flag. This will come into play later, this being foreshadowing of an episode of radical, visceral nerdrage that will occur at a later part of the BR.
I also had a unit of 17 archers composed entirely of
OOP Kislevites, so there is your End Times nod right there. For those of you not up on the
WHFB latest news, the nation of Kislev has very nearly been wiped off the map, and only Erengrad remains-besieged by Archaon, Lord of the End Times. This is because the plot is actually unfolding in
WHFB, just sayin...
Also, I had my Light Wizard who looks like Cornell West
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cornel_West. Matt got the reference and it made me very happy.
So, let's have a battle shall we?
MJ's whole board edge was lined up with spell cards. It's just so many you just kind of ignore it. Like, crap, what am I going to do about that? Oh yeah, ignore it. That always makes things better. I had 2 spells. Get some.
He had his swordmasters in the middle of the board in a damn forest. I have nothing good to say about that forest. His Ellyrian Reavers were around places too. Whatevs.
Left flank to right, pistoleers, handgunners, cannon, knights, militia, cannon, handgunners, archers. Did I mention I took pistoleers? Well, I did.
I got first turn. FACE!
Our fast cav moved up cause Scout. My first turn, I blast apart his Ellyrian Reavers. I won't go into the details per se, but suffice to say he didn't have to worry about any decisions to make regarding them by his second turn. All of my snipers took aim and fired at Teclis. Ah, how would my clever plan work? It fell on its face like clumsy moron drunk on schnapps accidentally stumbling into a Marine obstacle course. Quick note on shooting in
WHFB-it's the rules for 2nd Ed.
40k. If you know what I am talking about, you are old. Just sayin... How does this work for all you wet behind the ears youngsters?
Engineer fires his Hochland Long Rifle at "Teclis." BS5, hitting on a 2+. Get some! Oh, but, while his weapon has a 36" range, he is beyond 18" or short range, so -1 to hit. He hasn't moved, because then he can't shoot, so no -1 there, but he is "sniping," so -1 to hit. And, kicker is that "Teclis" is in that damn forest or hard cover. 5+ cover save, huh? Nope. -2 to hit. So, 6 to hit with the Engineers and 7 to hit with the Marksmen. Yes, there is a 7 to hit, it's a 6 followed by a 4 or something. It doesn't matter, because I missed with all of my shots. Anytime I might or might not mention shooting with these weapons, I will miss or he will pass his ward save, which is like an invul only better. You get to take a ward save if you fail you armor. Pretty rad..
Why did I suddenly start putting "Teclis" in quotes you ask? Because it wasn't the Teclis model. In the early nineties when the Teclis model came out, it was revelatory, so good. Now, it looks like a single piece cast two arms up in the air 90s model. But that's Teclis and McVey painted it soooo well. He had stars on his robe and a naked elf chick holding a crescent moon on his staff. Beast Mode. So, imagine a situation where I call his model "that guy who calls himself Teclis, but isn't." Every time. Every single time.
Yeah, I am an annoying person when I choose to be, and most of the time when I choose not to be.
So, let's shoot our cannons shall we? I pivot the barrel, choose my range and borrow the store artillery die to fire. Misfire. Grr. Consult Blackpowder misfire chart because I don't know it by heart. A roll of a 2...my cannon explodes killing all crew. Cool. But, hey, S happens, right?
Let's fire our second cannon. I pivot my barrel, choose my range, roll selfsame artillery die and....yeah, you guessed it. Misfire. Well, let's consult that blackpowder misfire chart again, huh? And I roll a 2.
I may or may not have thrown a minor tantrum. My memory is that I kept my cool, but I wouldn't trust it.
His turn, he ineffectively shoots with his Reavers and casts a ridiculous amount of spells that I grin and bear. One of these spells give his whole swordmaster unit plus "Teclis" and the other chick +2 T. So, I'll just skip how shooting went on my turn. I didn't hurt "Teclis" but I tried. I did stop a spell with a Dispell scroll and then the chick used her staff which lets her recast failed spells. Shakes head. Ok. I did stop a spell that would have turned my militia into gold statues
Second turn is more of the same, I move up my militia to get my witchhunter in range to shoot his pistols. And he missed. The rest of the Reavers are aced. I don't know mathematically if it made sense to start moving up on him or if shooting him and weathering the magic would be better. Teclis has the power to single-handedly take down an army, and "Teclis" was going to try it.
Plus, I was bored and on a time limit. I had a date that night. Advance!
He moves up his only unit, staying in the damn woods. More spells. My militia are now S1. Other bad things.. Archers get torn up. I lose 1 of my 2 spells(that happened first turn, I just forgot about it.) Sucks, but I am still there.
My turn, I move up the knights outside of likely charge range from him and angle my miltia's butt away from the cav.
His turn. Combat! He charges, casts more spells... I pay witness to just how god awful these swordmasters are. WS5 S5 I5 attacks in 4 ranks. Imagine a lawnmower. I don't lose the whole unit, but i do lose over 20 men without a single wound in return. Recall the plan to keep steadfast? Went down below 5 ranks, I has no steadfast, I has no stubborn. After doing the Combat Resolution math, I lose by a truckload. I fail to roll snake-eyes, I forget to re-roll for my
BSB and run.
I narrowly avoid him clipping into my knights because those hordes are so wide. Then it's my turn. I get the flank on the swordmasters. No ranks, no 4 ranks fighting. It's pretty much the best option I had. We fight each other. Pew Pew. It gets to combat resolution.
Insert counting here.
I say, ""well I have a standard and a battle standard. That's +2"
He says, "So do I, so it evens out."
I say, "No, just that guy has a standard."
"Oh, that guy is the
BSB."
"
BSB? He's got a Halberd, that's not a standard."
"Well, you know, that's a
BSB."
"No, I DON'T know, because he doesn't have a damn flag. He doesn't have anything closely resembling a flag or a standard of any kind, he's not even waving a damn ribbon, he has a HALBERD. You can tell this guy is my
BSB because he has a flag. In fact, he has a flag on top OF ANOTHER FLAG."
I'm cleaning up the dialog for all of my underage readers and those with a weak stomach. I definitely non-ironically said, "That's not even cool, bro."
I definitely raised my voice. By that, I mean, I yelled at him.
I almost feel bad about it, but not really. Somebody had to call him on it. He swapped it out with a model with a flag. Either way that boy needs to paint his stuff.
We didn't get to fight another round. I had to make a 7:45 show time of The Skeleton Twins. If that is playing anywhere near your area, then I recommend it for sure. My girl got me some Ghiradelli Pumpkin SPice and Cinnamon Crunch chocolates. At the theater we got a large combo with a Mr. Pibb(my favorite), mozzarella sticks, and Haribo Golden Bears.
It wouldn't be a moonpie Battle Rep without a menu.
Apparently Sun King has an Oktoberfest. I love fall flavors. I want some Schlafly pumpkin beer.
Hope that entertains. I had a good time. Would have liked to win. I'm going to try a new tack next time maybe. Definitely playing all painted. I will have to do a rundown of etiquette with MJ.
Oh, and if you want to see my Empire army, you can see it on display at the store in the case.
