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Because it consumed the chicken's biomass and assimilated its actions into the hive mind...
"Did you notice a sign out in front of my chapel that said "Land Raider Storage"?" -High Chaplain Astorath the Grim Redeemer of the Lost.
I sold my soul to the devil and now the bastard is demanding a refund!
We do not have an attorney-client relationship. I am not your lawyer. The statements I make do not constitute legal advice. Any statements made by me are based upon the limited facts you have presented, and under the premise that you will consult with a local attorney. This is not an attempt to solicit business. This disclaimer is in addition to any disclaimers that this website has made.
How many Adeptus Astartes do you need to change a light bulb?
An entire Chapter. One to hold the light bulb and 999 to turn the Battle barge around it
For Emperor and Imperium!!!! None shall stand against the Crusade of the Righteous!!! Kanluwen wrote: "I like the Tau. I just don't like people misconstruing things to say that it means that they're somehow a huge galactic threat. They're not. They're a threat to the Imperium of Man like sharks are a threat to the US Army."
"Pain is temporary, honor is forever" Emperor of Mankind:
"The day I have a sit-down with a pansy elf, magic mushroom, or commie frog is the day I put a bolt shell in my head."
in your name it shall be done" My YouTube channel: http://www.youtube.com/user/2SSSR2
Viersche wrote:
Abadabadoobaddon wrote:
the Emperor might be the greatest psyker that ever lived, but he doesn't have the specialized training that a Grey Knight has. Also he doesn't have a Grey Knight's unshakable faith in the Emperor.
The Emperor doesn't have a GKs unshakable faith in the Emperor which is....basically himself?
Ronin wrote:
"Brother Coa (and the OP Tadashi) is like, the biggest IoM fanboy I can think of here. It's like he IS from the Imperium, sent back in time and across dimensions."
Why did the Tau camp? Oh wait they do that all the time....
Don't believe what everone says, I am really a Brainboy who survived the weed wipeout and now I go on secret missions for Tzeench I can also control your mind. (jokes)
Quote by Puma713:
Just because I'd like to make termagants doesn't give me permission to.
You could have a unit of 9 tacticals that are flipping off the enemy with both hands, they still have a bolt pistol and bolt gun.
spya wrote:Does any of you guys have any warhammer 40k jokes?
Yep:
The rules...
Skriker
CSM 6k points CSM 4k points
CSM 4.5k points CSM 3.5k points
and Daemons 4k points each
Renegades 4k points
SM 4k points
SM 2.5k Points
3K 2.3k
EW, MW and LW British in Flames of War
How many Adeptus Mechanicus does it take to change a lightbulb?
101. 1 to anoint the lightbulb in the holy oils and the other hundred to pray to the emperor for the gift of light.
DT:70-S+++G++MB-IPw40k93#+++D++A+++/wWD001R+++T(T)DM+ 10k 5k
- A sergeant in motion outranks an officer who doesn't know what the is going on.
- An ordnance specialist at a flat run outranks everybody.
- I'm not Jesus, but I can turn water into Kool-Aid.
Just because it has to be brought up in any 40k humor thread, and every Dakkanaught has to read it once:
Spoiler:
There once was this Black and White Space Marine on a Black and White Bike, and being the hero-type person that he was, he wanted to marry the commander's daughter. So he went up to the palace, and the guard naturally inquired "Who goes there?"
To which the Black and White Space Marine replied: "I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike and I want to marry the commander's daughter."
"Not the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike?"
"Yes, the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike."
"OK, pass."
So the Black and White Space Marine proceeded up to the commander's chamber.
"Who goes there?" asked the commander.
"I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike and I want to marry your daughter" replied the Black and White Space Marine.
"Not the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike?"
"Yes, the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike."
"OK, if you complete three tasks, you may take my daughter's hand in marriage" the commander told the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike. "Your first task is to slay the dragon on Xylon III".
On the Black and White Space Marine's way out, the guard once again asked, "Who goes there"?"
To which the Black and White Space Marine replied "I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike and I want to marry the commander's daughter."
"Not the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike?"
"Yes, the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike."
"OK, pass."
The Black and White Space Marine then proceeded with ease to kill the dragon and six months later returned with the head of the foul beast. On his way into the palace the guard inquired "Who goes there?"
To which the Black and White Space Marine replied "I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike and I want to marry the commander's daughter".
"Not the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike?"
"Yes, the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike."
"OK, pass."
So the Black and White Space Marine proceeded up to the commander's chamber.
"Who goes there?" asked the commander.
"I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike and I want to marry your daughter" replied the Black and White Space Marine.
"Not the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike?"
"Yes, the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike."
"OK, if you complete three tasks, you may take my daughter's hand in marriage" the commander told the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike. "Your second task is to climb the highest peak on Desgrus Beta".
On his way out the guard once again asked, "Who goes there?"
To which the Black and White Space Marine replied "I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike and I want to marry the commander's daughter".
"Not the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike?"
"Yes, the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike."
"OK, pass."
The Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike easily climbed the mountain and returned 4 years later. On his way into the palace the guard inquired "Who goes there?"
To which the Black and White Space Marine replied "I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike and I want to marry the commander's daughter."
"Not the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike?"
"Yes, the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike."
"OK, pass."
So the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike proceeded up to the commander's chamber.
"Who goes there?" asked the commander.
"I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike and I want to marry your daughter" replied the Black and White Space Marine.
"Not the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike?"
"Yes, the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike."
"OK, if you complete three tasks you may take my daughter's hand in marriage" the commander told the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike. "Your third and final task is to swim across the acid lake outside the palace."
On the Black and White Space Marine's way out the guard once again asked, "Who goes there?"
To which the Black and White Space Marine replied "I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike and I want to marry the commander's daughter."
"Not the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike?"
"Yes, the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike."
"OK, pass."
Once again the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike easily completed his task and returned to the palace for the final time.
On his way into the palace the guard inquired "Who goes there?"
To which the Black and White Space Marine replied "I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike and I want to marry the commander's daughter".
"Not the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike?"
"Yes, the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike."
"OK, pass."
So the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike proceeded up to the commander's chamber.
"Who goes there?" asked the commander.
"I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike and I want to marry your daughter" replied the Black and White Space Marine.
"Not the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike?"
"Yes, the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike. May I marry your daughter now?"
Grakmar wrote:Just because it has to be brought up in any 40k humor thread, and every Dakkanaught has to read it once:
Spoiler:
There once was this Black and White Space Marine on a Black and White Bike, and being the hero-type person that he was, he wanted to marry the commander's daughter. So he went up to the palace, and the guard naturally inquired "Who goes there?"
To which the Black and White Space Marine replied: "I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike and I want to marry the commander's daughter."
"Not the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike?"
"Yes, the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike."
"OK, pass."
So the Black and White Space Marine proceeded up to the commander's chamber.
"Who goes there?" asked the commander.
"I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike and I want to marry your daughter" replied the Black and White Space Marine.
"Not the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike?"
"Yes, the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike."
"OK, if you complete three tasks, you may take my daughter's hand in marriage" the commander told the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike. "Your first task is to slay the dragon on Xylon III".
On the Black and White Space Marine's way out, the guard once again asked, "Who goes there"?"
To which the Black and White Space Marine replied "I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike and I want to marry the commander's daughter."
"Not the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike?"
"Yes, the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike."
"OK, pass."
The Black and White Space Marine then proceeded with ease to kill the dragon and six months later returned with the head of the foul beast. On his way into the palace the guard inquired "Who goes there?"
To which the Black and White Space Marine replied "I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike and I want to marry the commander's daughter".
"Not the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike?"
"Yes, the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike."
"OK, pass."
So the Black and White Space Marine proceeded up to the commander's chamber.
"Who goes there?" asked the commander.
"I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike and I want to marry your daughter" replied the Black and White Space Marine.
"Not the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike?"
"Yes, the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike."
"OK, if you complete three tasks, you may take my daughter's hand in marriage" the commander told the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike. "Your second task is to climb the highest peak on Desgrus Beta".
On his way out the guard once again asked, "Who goes there?"
To which the Black and White Space Marine replied "I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike and I want to marry the commander's daughter".
"Not the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike?"
"Yes, the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike."
"OK, pass."
The Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike easily climbed the mountain and returned 4 years later. On his way into the palace the guard inquired "Who goes there?"
To which the Black and White Space Marine replied "I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike and I want to marry the commander's daughter."
"Not the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike?"
"Yes, the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike."
"OK, pass."
So the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike proceeded up to the commander's chamber.
"Who goes there?" asked the commander.
"I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike and I want to marry your daughter" replied the Black and White Space Marine.
"Not the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike?"
"Yes, the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike."
"OK, if you complete three tasks you may take my daughter's hand in marriage" the commander told the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike. "Your third and final task is to swim across the acid lake outside the palace."
On the Black and White Space Marine's way out the guard once again asked, "Who goes there?"
To which the Black and White Space Marine replied "I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike and I want to marry the commander's daughter."
"Not the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike?"
"Yes, the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike."
"OK, pass."
Once again the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike easily completed his task and returned to the palace for the final time.
On his way into the palace the guard inquired "Who goes there?"
To which the Black and White Space Marine replied "I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike and I want to marry the commander's daughter".
"Not the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike?"
"Yes, the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike."
"OK, pass."
So the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike proceeded up to the commander's chamber.
"Who goes there?" asked the commander.
"I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike and I want to marry your daughter" replied the Black and White Space Marine.
"Not the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike?"
"Yes, the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike. May I marry your daughter now?"
"OK."
5 minutes of my life wasted!
All these jokes are not mine just ones I found online.
A Guardsman got separated from his platoon in the aftermath of a battle on the deserts of Pheor and wandered through that blasted hellscape for three days. On the verge of collapse, he was found and rescued by a Space Marine, who brought him back to the chapter's Fortress Monastery for treatment.
When the young Guardsman regained consciousness, he saw an Apothecary standing over him and asked what had happened. The Apothecary told him that he had been wandering the deserts for three days before he was rescued from the brink of death by a Battle Brother.
The Guardsman was eternally grateful and asked if there was anything he could do to repay the Chapter. The Apothecary considered his question for a moment, then suggested that the Monastery was always in need of someone to sweep the floors. The Guardsman accepted without a moment's thought.
His routine of sweeping the Fortress Monastery went on for a month until one day, he passed by a section that he was told he must never enter. He had never paid it any mind until this day when strange crashing noises began from the other side of the door. As usual, he ignored it, thinking that this was just a test of his devotion to the Emperor. However, the crashing noises continued until one day he could not restrain his curiosity any longer.
He asked the Apothecary what was behind that door, to which he responded, "I cannot tell you, for you are not of the Chapter."
"What would I have to do to become one of you?" the eager Guardsman asked.
The Apothecary considered for a moment, "well, you would need to pass all of the tests and rites of initiation, before undergoing the necessary surgeries..."
The young Guardsman had already vanished before the Apothecary had time to finish his sentence. Many years of hardship and gruelling trials passed while the necessary implants were added and eventually, the Guardsman was no longer a mere human but a Space Marine Scout. He then returned to the Apothecary, who was not surprised to see him.
"So, you are one of us now", he said, "do you still wish to know what lies beyond that door?"
Naturally, the young Scout did. He was led to the door by a Servitor who produced the keys and turned each of the ancient locks one by one. Slowly the door creaked open...
What happens next, I cannot tell you, for you are not of the Chapter.
What do you call a lasgun with a laser sight?
Twin linked.
Uses for a Lasgun
Warming soup. When left on, a seat warmer in your Leman Russ. Disco effects/pyrotechnics. Cigarette lighter. Changing T.V. channels. Selling to get funds for a better weapon. Throwing at the enemy (may do more damage) Using for grave marking for IG troops. Collecting (eventually you might have enough to do some damage) Paperweight. Skeet shooting. A cooking utensil. Looking slightly menacing. Strapping onto a Boltgun as a laser sight. Annoying friends by shining it in their eyes repeatedly Burning ants
A lot of people say the lasgun is the worst piece of equipment in the universe. This is not so. Check out this "true" account.
One battle Jim the guardsman's unit is wiped out except him. Jim suffers an attack of common sense (or a failed leadership check; the details are fuzzy) and bolts for the nearest cover. Unfortunately he barrels headlong into a Chaos space marine holding a plasma pistol.
"Wait don't kill me yet", says Jim: "let me show you a trick." The Chaos space marine agrees and Jim promptly pulls out a cigar. He puts it into his mouth and uses his lasgun to light it.
"Pah! That's nothing. I can do that!" - says the Chaos space marine. So Jim hands him a cigar. The marine puts it into his mouth and then puts his plasma pistol to the cigar. He pulls the trigger and promptly blows his head off. Jim swaggers off back to base to have a well deserved cheeseburger.
This is just one example of a lasguns awesome and devastating power.
A peasent walks up to a squat and asks for some change. The squat replies, "sorry, but i'm a bit short"
A Chaplain and a Guardsman are playing mini golf. The guardsman misses, and yells, "Emperor dammit, I missed!", but the chaplain responds, "Do not take your lord's name in vain!" and the guardsman agrees. A little while later the same thing happens: "Emperor dammit, I missed again!" "Do NOT take your lord's name in vain, or he will strike you down!". And then moments later: "Awww Emperor dammit I missed!" "DO NOT TAKE YOUR LORD'S NAME IN VAIN OR HE WILL STRIKE YOU DOWN!". Suddenly, the chaplain is hit by a lightning bolt, and everyone on the planet has one thought pop into their heads: "Dammit, I missed!".
A Blood Angel Commander, an Ultramarine Commander and a Cadian Commissar are having fun bragging about how brave and loyal their troops are and they decide to have a test to see who has the bravest troops. The Blood angel commander calls one of his troops and says "You! Jump into that engine!" and blood angel immediately says "Yes Sir!" and jumps into the engine and dies, creating a bloody mess. The blood angel commander says "hah! that took bravery!" The ultramarine commander says "hah! that was nothing, watch this!" and calls one of his troops and orders him to jump off the ship they are on. The ultramarine instantly says "Yes Sir!" and jumps off the ship, never to be seen again. the ultramarine commander says "hah! that took bravery" and the commissar says "hah! that was nothing, watch this!" The commissar calls on of the guardsmen in the platoon he is attached to, hands him a plasma pistol and orders him to shoot himself in the head... the guardsman shakes a little, trembles, hesitates then says "no sir, I can't do it..." the commissar says "now THAT is what I call bravery!"
This message was edited 3 times. Last update was at 2012/04/05 15:42:51
"Whilst we stand, we fight. Whilst we fight, we prevail. Nothing shall stay our wrath" Guilliman and the Ultramarines are like Manchester United, everyone hates them because they are so awesome!
I really liked the ones about Eldrad Ulthran being a total dick and pulling everyone's leg, but I cannot find those any more. Anyone know them or have them saved somewhere?
"We train young men to drop fire on people, but their commanders won't allow them to write "feth" on their airplanes because it's obscene!" (Colonel Kurtz in Apocalypse Now)
And you know what's funny? "feth" is actually censored on a forum about a dystopia where the nice guys are the ones who kill only millions of innocents, not billions.
One day, at an Imperial Guard camp, the scout shouted to the Commisar, "Sir, theres a Tyranid Army approaching, led by one Hive Tyrant.
So the Commisar says "Get my red cloak." He fights the HT and wins.
The nest day, the scout shouted to the Commisar, "Sir, theres a Tyranid army approaching, led by five Hive Tyrants.
So the Commisar says "Get my red cloak." He fights the HT's and wins.
Later that night, the scout asks the Commisar, "Whats with the red cloak?" The Commisar replies "If I get wounded, I dont want the troops to see me bleed."
So, the next day, the scout shouts to the Commisar, "Sir theres a Tyranid army approaching. It's being led by... ONE HUNDRED HIVE TYRANTS!"
So the Commisar says, "Get my brown pants!"
and
The Orks are entrenched in fortificatrions on a battlefield when they here some shouting from the enemy trenches.
"One Space Marine is worth 10 Orks" So the orks cant let their 'good' name be slandered so the Boss sends ten orks to run to the enemy trench shouting "ere we go". After a couple of minutes the orks here a voice shout " One Space Marine is worth 50 orks". So the Boss sends fifty orks charging towards the enemy trenches. Ten minutes later a voice shouts " One Space marine is worth 100 Orks". So 100 orks charge into the enemy trench on the Boss's orders. 15 minutes later a solitary ork returns and reports to the Boss th
at " They cheated boss, there was two of um!".
And
A Dark Angel, Blood Angel, and Space Wolf all walk into a bar. Each one of them orders a drink. The bartender brings them four beers. The Dark Angel looks at his beer and realizes there's a fly in it. He begins to moan about how he is being punished by the Emperor and leaves the bar in shame, pulling his monk's robe around him tighter. Just then the Blood Angel looks down at his tankard.
"What's this?!" he shouts, "There's a fly in my beer?!?!"
He then proceeds to destroy half the bar in bloodthirsty rage (and ruins any chances of getting with the Sisters at table 3).
Finally the Space Wolf looks down at his beer and notices there's a fly in his beer too! He magnifies the reception on his bionic eye he sees the little Tyranid wannabe taking a sip of his pint.
"Oh, no you don't laddie!" he growls as he grabs the tiny insect. "Spit it out, spit it out!!!"
This message was edited 3 times. Last update was at 2012/04/05 15:41:36
"Whilst we stand, we fight. Whilst we fight, we prevail. Nothing shall stay our wrath" Guilliman and the Ultramarines are like Manchester United, everyone hates them because they are so awesome!
The emperor has a Tyranid rug in his chamber, it is not dead, it is just afraid to move.
This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2012/04/05 15:47:57
"Did you notice a sign out in front of my chapel that said "Land Raider Storage"?" -High Chaplain Astorath the Grim Redeemer of the Lost.
I sold my soul to the devil and now the bastard is demanding a refund!
We do not have an attorney-client relationship. I am not your lawyer. The statements I make do not constitute legal advice. Any statements made by me are based upon the limited facts you have presented, and under the premise that you will consult with a local attorney. This is not an attempt to solicit business. This disclaimer is in addition to any disclaimers that this website has made.
A tyranid ripper slithers into a bar. The bar tender asks, "What can I do for you?" The ripper replies, "Do you have any pistachio's?" The bar tender says no we only have beer nuts. The ripper turns and leaves. An hour later the ripper goes back into the bar and asks again, "Do you have any pistachio's?" Again the bar tender says NO we only have beer nuts. This goes on for the next few hours when on the last time the ripper enters, the bar tender tells him that if he asks for pistachio's he is gonna nail is tongue to the bar. The ripper then asks," Do you have any nails?" The bar tender says NO he doesn't. To which the ripper says " Are you sure you don't have any pistachio's?"
This message was edited 2 times. Last update was at 2012/04/05 20:40:08
Grakmar wrote:Just because it has to be brought up in any 40k humor thread, and every Dakkanaught has to read it once:
Spoiler:
There once was this Black and White Space Marine on a Black and White Bike, and being the hero-type person that he was, he wanted to marry the commander's daughter. So he went up to the palace, and the guard naturally inquired "Who goes there?"
To which the Black and White Space Marine replied: "I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike and I want to marry the commander's daughter."
"Not the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike?"
"Yes, the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike."
"OK, pass."
So the Black and White Space Marine proceeded up to the commander's chamber.
"Who goes there?" asked the commander.
"I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike and I want to marry your daughter" replied the Black and White Space Marine.
"Not the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike?"
"Yes, the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike."
"OK, if you complete three tasks, you may take my daughter's hand in marriage" the commander told the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike. "Your first task is to slay the dragon on Xylon III".
On the Black and White Space Marine's way out, the guard once again asked, "Who goes there"?"
To which the Black and White Space Marine replied "I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike and I want to marry the commander's daughter."
"Not the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike?"
"Yes, the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike."
"OK, pass."
The Black and White Space Marine then proceeded with ease to kill the dragon and six months later returned with the head of the foul beast. On his way into the palace the guard inquired "Who goes there?"
To which the Black and White Space Marine replied "I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike and I want to marry the commander's daughter".
"Not the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike?"
"Yes, the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike."
"OK, pass."
So the Black and White Space Marine proceeded up to the commander's chamber.
"Who goes there?" asked the commander.
"I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike and I want to marry your daughter" replied the Black and White Space Marine.
"Not the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike?"
"Yes, the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike."
"OK, if you complete three tasks, you may take my daughter's hand in marriage" the commander told the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike. "Your second task is to climb the highest peak on Desgrus Beta".
On his way out the guard once again asked, "Who goes there?"
To which the Black and White Space Marine replied "I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike and I want to marry the commander's daughter".
"Not the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike?"
"Yes, the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike."
"OK, pass."
The Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike easily climbed the mountain and returned 4 years later. On his way into the palace the guard inquired "Who goes there?"
To which the Black and White Space Marine replied "I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike and I want to marry the commander's daughter."
"Not the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike?"
"Yes, the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike."
"OK, pass."
So the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike proceeded up to the commander's chamber.
"Who goes there?" asked the commander.
"I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike and I want to marry your daughter" replied the Black and White Space Marine.
"Not the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike?"
"Yes, the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike."
"OK, if you complete three tasks you may take my daughter's hand in marriage" the commander told the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike. "Your third and final task is to swim across the acid lake outside the palace."
On the Black and White Space Marine's way out the guard once again asked, "Who goes there?"
To which the Black and White Space Marine replied "I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike and I want to marry the commander's daughter."
"Not the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike?"
"Yes, the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike."
"OK, pass."
Once again the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike easily completed his task and returned to the palace for the final time.
On his way into the palace the guard inquired "Who goes there?"
To which the Black and White Space Marine replied "I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike and I want to marry the commander's daughter".
"Not the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike?"
"Yes, the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike."
"OK, pass."
So the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike proceeded up to the commander's chamber.
"Who goes there?" asked the commander.
"I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike and I want to marry your daughter" replied the Black and White Space Marine.
"Not the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike?"
"Yes, the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike. May I marry your daughter now?"
"OK."
I've never understood why people feel the need to perpetuate that one. It's not a 40K joke... it's supposed to be a Black and White Knight. Changing it to a Space Marine, while not changing the overall lameness of the joke, also leaves it making absolutely no sense, since a Space Marine just doesn't fit the 'story' of the joke.
So, please, if you really feel the need to share that joke, think of the children and do it with the original version.
@insaniak: Tradition. I don't know that anyone ever thought it was funny.
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Lord of Timbraxia wrote:Why did it take the Steel Legion 2 days to destroy the rebels?
Because on the 1st day it was raining
? I don't get it.
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Its based on an old article in a WD where the Steel Legion crush a rebellion in 6 hours of it being declared. Its a spin on it I heard God knows where. Made me grin when i heard it, I guess, and it just stuck with me.
Many and varied forces in progress according to waxing & waning whims.
If in doubt don't tell your commissar because he might shoot you.
If in doubt don't tell the inquisition because they might burn you.
If in doubt definitely don't try to commit suicide with your lasgun, that will just give you some nasty blisters.
Bonespitta's Badmoons 1441 pts. 
For Emperor and Imperium!!!! 
"Pain is temporary, honor is forever" 
in your name it shall be done" 
I am really a Brainboy who survived the weed wipeout and now I go on secret missions for Tzeench 
I can also control your mind. (jokes) 
CSM 6k points 
CSM 4k points
CSM 4.5k points 
Renegades 4k points
SM 4k points
SM 2.5k Points
3K 
2.3k
10k 
5k
is going on.
WAAAGH! Rokstog: 1000pts. About three-fourths painted.
"Whilst we stand, we fight. Whilst we fight, we prevail. Nothing shall stay our wrath" 
Guilliman and the Ultramarines are like Manchester United, everyone hates them because they are so awesome! 
- 2,000-ish