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Hey i am making my own army based off of George R.R Martins A song of ice and fire. This is the beggining of my Army book please let all critcism be constructive share your thoughts and help

I'l download this and have a peek when I get home from uni, thanks for the PM. I must say, I'm interested

Yeah I just thought you might be interested also what does uni stand for?

uni is short for university...

Ok firstly, its very short, I was wondering how you got it out so quick. I'd recommend taking it down until you get a lot more to it, it is really really hard to judge units in a vacuum.

So, first entry, Clegane Junior
His fluff could use a wee bit more finesse, for example;
Like many men of Westeros, Sandor Clegane has led a long hard life. He is a man scarred by his past when, as a child, he played with his brother Gregor’s toy. His brother, a brutal boy, flew into a great rage, thrusting Sandor's face into the roaring fireplace. This experience left Sandor with many scars, both on his face and upon his heart. He also has a well-hidden yet deeply embedded fear of fire. After this incident, he became hard, killing his first man at the age of twelve, and eventually finding his way into the service of King Robert.

Or something like that. Getting a mate of yours who likes writing (theres got to be one) to do this for you (it'll be even easier if he likes the books) will help make the army book look better, read better, and give you more time for the rules. And speaking of...

Statline; He does not need S 6 and T 6. Let me rephrase that. S5 at the very, very outside and T4 at the most. His brother may be S6 T5, but that would probably be stretching it too. M, WS, BS, W, I, A and Ld I have no particular issues with (maybe attacks 4, but thats just me).
Special Rules; Hatred; This needs a different name, because there is already a special rule call that. Be very aware of this, GW already used all the best words for their special rules (they got here first) so you need to use your own to avoid all sorts of confusion. And I think that this rule needs to be changed as a matter of fact, it is a bit difficult to work with in the context of a game. Will the rest of the unit fight? If he is in a unit, do they charge or does he break off? There are too many fiddly bits. I'd make it so as he can never be in the same unit as his brother, and his brother does not cause panic tests for fleeing through him (and vice versa).
Fear of Fire; This one is good, I like it, except nothing happens. He takes a leadership test and then...what? How about 'if a unit with flaming attacks is within 6" of Sandor Clegane, then he must make a Ld check. If he fails, he stands rooted to the ground. This can stop a charge in its tracks. If he passes, then he acts as normal until his next turn. Something like that

Westerosi General
Statline; M, WS, BS, T, W, I, Ld I am fine with. S, A and Ld need work. S4 (shouldn't be as strong as Clegane, who shouldn't be any more than S5), attacks should be 3 or 4 (probably 4), and Ld can be 10 actually, I changed my mind. Thats ok.
Special Rules; House; Good start, perhaps units from other houses can use his Ld for Inspiring Presence with a -1 modifier, show that they aren't as inspired by him as they are by lords of their own house.

More to Follow, probably tomorrow though not today

Ok thanks for the feedback I'm not very good at writing based off of something already there thanks for the suggestions

Thanks I've been working and I'll post the newer one soon

I look forward to seeing what you come up with.

Thanks right now I'm also poking into figures to better represent them instead of empire men or brettonians for core units

I'll keep an eye out for any models that would suit them better.

Ok thanks for the help but just so you know i already know about perry miniatures war of roses line

I had a look at the pdf. Most of my complaints have been addressed by motyak. I.E. fiddling with the statlines to make them better represent the character. Also, if you want to include special characters in the game(named characters) you will need more. And the House rule needs more detail. You tell us that they can only join units of his house or mixed houses. You don't tell us what the houses are. I am vaguely familiar with the setting but you should go into some detail and give us a selection of houses.