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Made in us
Grisly Ghost Ark Driver






With the new Space Marine Codex coming out soon it has motivated me to write some fluff for my DIY Chapter. I plan on adding around 500 words each week. Hopefully by doing this I will eventually have enough to make a home brew codex/novel or something ! I wanted to start off by doing something unique and there is nothing more unique than the Abyssal Crusade. I start off by writing about how the Chapter gets involved with the Crusade, soon it will switch to story mode as the Chapter fights in the Eye of Terror!

The Undaunted

Little is known about the early years of the Undaunted Chapter even their founding is a mystery. Their participation in early Imperial conflicts indicates that the Chapter has been fighting valiantly for the Imperium since M35. The Undaunted Chapter was a Codex Chapter, zealously following the Codex Astartes, until Warp Storm Dionys.

Warp Storm Dionys emerged and covered many systems with corrupting chaos influences, resulting in mass outbreaks of mutation, cultist activity, and worst of all attacks from chaotic forces. Several worlds were attacked by the forces of Chaos as daemons manifested in the material universe, utterly destroying all that opposed the will of their Gods. Dark Apostles who had infiltrated numerous planets years prior to Warp Storm Dionys were able to start Civil Wars as their followers; which included Chaos Cultist and Imperial Regiments, attacked from within. The Warp Storm made warp traveling difficult and Chaos Space Marines took advantage and raided many planets with little to no retaliation.

Dionys brought war to the home worlds of Astartes, it seemed that the Chaos forces knew no fear. Despite the overwhelming fire power of Space Marine’s Fortress Monasteries, thousands of daemons were able to reach close quarters combat. Their desire to kill could be seen in their red eyes as their hellblades cut through the power armor of the Astartes. Colorful creatures fired blue bolts that ripped through vehicles and buildings alike, slow moving diseased creatures advanced through the steady fire of the Astartes. Any other world would have been defeated faced against such odds but Astartes would rather die before seeing their home world desecrated by Chaos filth.

Up against the horrors of the warp some Chapters were devastated and nearly wiped out but the Space Marines were able to survive and defeat their foe. There wasn’t an individual strategy that worked for the successful Chapters as each battle was unique, they relied on the tried and true teachings of the Codex Astartes. Some chapters used the mobility of their assault squads to lead them to victory, others rallied around their Venerable Dreadnaughts who’s words could not express the anger they felt for having chaos filth near or in some cases inside their Fortress Monastery for the first time, some like the Undaunted Chapter simply survived long enough for the rest of the Chapter to return and swing the battle in their favor.

To the Space Marines of the Undaunted Chapter the devastating battle against the wretched Chaos forces was considered a lost. Their Fortress Monastery was all but destroyed and only three companies worth of marines were left still alive. After the war the Undaunted Chapter found them self’s in question by the Imperium. Warp Storm Dionys had not only caused havoc in the system but had supposedly corrupted the gene-seed of some Chapters, hundreds of Chapters were judged including the Undaunted. Only thirty Chapters were found guilty and believed to be corrupt, luckily the Undaunted was not one of these Chapters.

The thirty Chapters that were found guilty were ordered to take part in a great crusade into the Eye of Terror. Even though the Undaunted was found to be pure, they decided to join the crusade which became known as the Abyssal Crusade. The Undaunted Chapter viewed this as a penitence crusade, they had let the Emperor down by allowing the forces of Chaos to nearly destroy their Fortress Monastery and nearly wipe out their entire chapter. With their Chapter Master dead the Undaunted in a grand ceremony, kneeled before the Vorpal Sword’s Chapter Master Konvak Lann presenting him with the Executioner's Hammer and swearing their allegiance to him. Lann was famously quoted for saying, "I view this as a honor and a responsibility, and I swear to lead the Undaunted into battle, FOR DORN!"(The Undaunted's Battle Cry)


That's it for this week I hope you guys like it, please post suggestions of things I can do to make the story more appealing to you.

This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2013/08/19 19:51:25


   
Made in gb
Esteemed Veteran Space Marine






Northumberland

It's a good start, if a little bare bones (But I presume you see it more as a first draft). There's just a few things I would point out:

A) Just how big is this warp storm? For it to cover several Space Marine homeworlds it must be a gigantic , eye of Terror size storm as Space Marine homeworlds are few and far between. Considering that there are nominally 1000 Chapters in the whole galaxy (Which in itself is pretty large), the Chapters that are planet based must be spread pretty thin. As a suggesstion, perhaps tone down how many Chapters are residing in the area.

B) Many Chapters were completely wiped out? Whilst this isn't impossible, Chapters are usually only wiped out after many centuries of almost unending combat and/or complex scheming by enemies (See Crimson Consuls). I suggest the Astartes get heavy losses, but it's very hard to wipe out a chapter - let alone several, unless the Chapters all suffered a single blow that wiped them all out. Chaos is certainly strong, but even in the Black Crusades there were few chapters wiped out.

C) Considering the scale of the Imperium, the fact that there are only 1000 Chapters in existence, and the range of enemies attacking the Imperium, to dedicate 100 Chapters to one war zone is monumental. The 13th Black Crusade is the largest mobilisation of both Chaotic and Imperium forces since the Great Crusade/Horus Heresy. Even so, only 28 Chapters were deployed, and not all of those came in full strength. Furthermore, to ask 30 Chapters to set off on a death-course into the Eye of Terror would be a grievous blow to the IoM, one it probably could not afford.

Those points aside though it's quite good. the main problem I can see is just scale. Try and tone things down a bit to make it more fitting in the 40K context. However, at the end of the day it's still your fluff, these are mere suggestions.

Now with 100% more blog: 'Beyond the Wall'

Numine Et Arcu
 
   
Made in gb
Renegade Inquisitor de Marche






Elephant Graveyard

The Abyssal crusade is well known. Saint Basilius judged 30 chapters to be wanting and they were given the choice of death or a crusade into the EoT. All chose the latter.
Many turned and many more died. Very few returned and those that did declared Basilius to be a false saint and burned his shrines and cast his remains into a star.
The Warp Storm Dionys was said to cover dozens of star systems and hit 30 chapters. I don't think any astartes chapters were actually wiped out during the warp storm however... and it was only those 30 that were judged.

Dakka Bingo! By Ouze
"You are the best at flying things"-Kanluwen
"Further proof that Purple is a fething brilliant super villain " -KingCracker
"Purp.. Im pretty sure I have a gun than can reach you...."-Nicorex
"That's not really an apocalypse. That's just Europe."-Grakmar
"almost as good as winning free cake at the tea drinking contest for an Englishman." -Reds8n
Seal up your lips and give no words but mum.
Equip, Reload. Do violence.
Watch for Gerry. 
   
Made in us
Grisly Ghost Ark Driver






I would like to think you guys for reading and leaving your comments, it is always helpful to a want to be writer to get great feedback from knowledgeable readers.

 Warpig1815 wrote:
It's a good start, if a little bare bones (But I presume you see it more as a first draft). There's just a few things I would point out:

A) Just how big is this warp storm? For it to cover several Space Marine homeworlds it must be a gigantic , eye of Terror size storm as Space Marine homeworlds are few and far between. Considering that there are nominally 1000 Chapters in the whole galaxy (Which in itself is pretty large), the Chapters that are planet based must be spread pretty thin. As a suggesstion, perhaps tone down how many Chapters are residing in the area.


The hardest thing about writing about 40k is to tone down the size of the event that your writing about. I avoided this by writing about an event that is inside the Chaos Space Marines codex. I agree with you it is impossible for one Warp Storm to cover that much space, but the way the codex explains it the storm caused several warp rifts over dozens of systems.

 Warpig1815 wrote:
B) Many Chapters were completely wiped out? Whilst this isn't impossible, Chapters are usually only wiped out after many centuries of almost unending combat and/or complex scheming by enemies (See Crimson Consuls). I suggest the Astartes get heavy losses, but it's very hard to wipe out a chapter - let alone several, unless the Chapters all suffered a single blow that wiped them all out. Chaos is certainly strong, but even in the Black Crusades there were few chapters wiped out.


I agree, I under estimated the strength of a Space Marine Chapter.

 Warpig1815 wrote:
C) Considering the scale of the Imperium, the fact that there are only 1000 Chapters in existence, and the range of enemies attacking the Imperium, to dedicate 100 Chapters to one war zone is monumental. The 13th Black Crusade is the largest mobilisation of both Chaotic and Imperium forces since the Great Crusade/Horus Heresy. Even so, only 28 Chapters were deployed, and not all of those came in full strength. Furthermore, to ask 30 Chapters to set off on a death-course into the Eye of Terror would be a grievous blow to the IoM, one it probably could not afford.


I found it rather strange also but it is true, 30 chapters were sent into the Eye of Terror.

 Warpig1815 wrote:
Those points aside though it's quite good. the main problem I can see is just scale. Try and tone things down a bit to make it more fitting in the 40K context. However, at the end of the day it's still your fluff, these are mere suggestions.


Thank you a lot Warpig I will keep your tips in mind as I continue to write, please continue to leave feedback as the story progresses.


 purplefood wrote:
The Abyssal crusade is well known. Saint Basilius judged 30 chapters to be wanting and they were given the choice of death or a crusade into the EoT. All chose the latter.
Many turned and many more died. Very few returned and those that did declared Basilius to be a false saint and burned his shrines and cast his remains into a star.
The Warp Storm Dionys was said to cover dozens of star systems and hit 30 chapters. I don't think any astartes chapters were actually wiped out during the warp storm however... and it was only those 30 that were judged.


Yes, 30 were found guilty but they tested hundreds of Chapters according to the Codex but, I am going to change the wiped out part, as it seems that it is a little bit to much. Thank you for your input purplefood I hope that you continue to leave feedback.

   
Made in gb
Renegade Inquisitor de Marche






Elephant Graveyard

Odd they should test hundreds...
For a warp storm to hit even a hundred chapters it would have to be... vast... unimaginably vast.

Dakka Bingo! By Ouze
"You are the best at flying things"-Kanluwen
"Further proof that Purple is a fething brilliant super villain " -KingCracker
"Purp.. Im pretty sure I have a gun than can reach you...."-Nicorex
"That's not really an apocalypse. That's just Europe."-Grakmar
"almost as good as winning free cake at the tea drinking contest for an Englishman." -Reds8n
Seal up your lips and give no words but mum.
Equip, Reload. Do violence.
Watch for Gerry. 
   
Made in gb
Esteemed Veteran Space Marine






Northumberland

I do apologise to both of you, as my criticism regarding scale seems to be rather unfounded now - As I don't game I don't read the Codices, so I was unaware that Dionys and the Abyssal crusade existed - I thought they were just the fluff that CKO was creating, so thanks are in order for making me aware of that piece of lore.

Now you mention it, I do vaguely remember the names Basilius and Abyssal - a trip may be in order to Lexicanum later...

Anyway, I look forward to seeing how this develops - good luck!

This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2013/08/20 11:24:48


Now with 100% more blog: 'Beyond the Wall'

Numine Et Arcu
 
   
Made in us
Grisly Ghost Ark Driver






This is the 2nd addition to my fluff I hope you guys enjoy it, and as always please leave feedback so I can make the story better in your eyes.

The first order Chapter Master Lann made was to make 4th Company Captain Lavius the new Chapter Master of the Undaunted. Chapter Master Lann did not want to integrate the Chapter into his own; he wanted the Undaunted to remain as they were. He requested that Lavius organized the Undaunted as he willed Lann only request was that the Undaunted remain battle ready at all times. Lavius organized the three hundred and thirty marines into three companies, he also named a new Chief Apothecary and Master of Forge as the originals was lost during the battle against the daemons.

Each company had one hundred and ten Astartes, five tactical squads, two assault squads, and two devastator squads, and twenty veterans. Each company was accompanied by a total of five dreadnaughts and each Company had its own battle barge. The Master of the Fleet prepared the Chapter’s Fleet including its three battle barges Pareion, Stilia, and Fonard. Each Company was given a strike cruiser, two rapid strike vessels, and six Thunderhawk Gunships to command. The Master of the Forge divided the Armory as equally as possible to each Company; the Armory consisted of twenty predators, six vindicators, eight whirlwinds, and six land raiders.

There was little time for anything but preparation however, amongst such death and turmoil caused by the battle against the daemons there was some good. Ten initiates had earned the right to be called brother; their will had been tested, they pushed their implants to the limit, they had faced the horrors of the warp and they knew no fear. Two initiates had not only earned the right to be called brother but had earned the respect of the entire Chapter. The twins Kenar and Zar from the Forad tribe had saved the life of Captain Thesa, by defeating a daemon prince.

According to Captain Thesa the monstrosity was as big as Venerable Dreadnaught Fellen. The foul creation resembled a humanoid shape bird whose wings constantly changed color never remaining one color for too long. It looked deceptively fragile needing a staff to walk. The creature was not feeble evident by Captain Thesa’s two devastator squad’s inability to harm it. Worst of all, the creature was a psyker perhaps the strongest Captain Thesa had seen in his two and a half centuries of service. Out of the beast old boney fingers came flickering fire that destroyed the 2nd Company’s devastator squads. After seeing his battle brothers perish, Captain Thesa knew that only The Ender an ancient thunder hammer that has served the Chapter for over two thousand years would claim the foul warp creation’s life.

Others may have requested the aid of their armory to take the tainted creation out, but that is not the Undaunted way. It had faced the wraith of the Undaunted fire power and lived now it had earned the right to perish in close quarters the right to die to The Ender. Captain Thesa charged the creature, he was inspecting his armor to be tested by flickering fire but no flame came, it was almost as if the monster wanted to fight him. The Captain said that the creature seemed to smile, as if it was mocking his confidence, it would learn that day not to underestimate the Undaunted.

This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2013/08/24 23:47:28


   
 
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