No. I suppose you'd notice if you looked carefully, but who is going to study someone that closely looking for the slightest flaw? Or care at all about something so small?
There isn't any, you're doomed to failure because the false projection won't last forever. But nobody is suggesting that. There's a huge difference between lying about who you are and things like "use an attractive picture" or choosing which parts of yourself to mention on a dating profile. It's not a lie, it's just making sure you don't sabotage yourself by making a bad first impression.
Well, you look like a metalhead. A nice metalhead that wears a cloak at a metal festival. You do not look like the big, heavy, hairy metalhead that rides a harley and scares people though, more like the geeky metalhead that is nice and polite.
Am I not way closer to the mark than “ugly bastard” ?
You certainly do not look ugly to me.
Also, maybe you should not link to your Facebook account, there is your real name and everything there! Maybe upload the pic somewhere else, with no personal info?
Ashiraya wrote: ...Okay. So, my number one worry, my jaw, is apparently not a problem.
But there is something else as well, my eyebrows. They are less bushy now (I've shaved them a little bit) but they are a bit... uneven. Especially the rightmost part of my left eyebrow.
Is it noticeable? I have done my best to even them out, but they are more stubborn than a Commissar.
Its noticeable if you're looking at a 2400x2400 px black and white photo of you on a 40" monitor... but that doesn't mean its bad or that it detracts from your looks. That being said, a strong eyebrow game is always a good thing, but its not something most guys can help you with lol
Well, you look like a metalhead. A nice metalhead that wears a cloak at a metal festival. You do not look like the big, heavy, hairy metalhead that rides a harley and scares people though, more like the geeky metalhead that is nice and polite.
Am I not way closer to the mark than “ugly bastard” ?
You certainly do not look ugly to me.
Also, maybe you should not link to your Facebook account, there is your real name and everything there! Maybe upload the pic somewhere else, with no personal info?
Some of his FB is public by the looks of it, so even hosting the image elsewhere wouldn't stop someone simply image searching with the photo.
Not until you mentioned it!! If it bothers you then go to a salon and get them threaded. (I know, this is what happens when you read too many women's fashion magazines, I even started liking shoes... )
I love shoes... I have 3 different pairs of Dr. Martens boots (2 brown, 1 black), really nice grey and white hounds tooth canvas shoes, a pair of black and white italian leather spectators, a pair of bordeaux colored leather oxford wingtips...
well, the leather harley vest must have done it... you either look like an outlaw or look like Mr. Slave.
I decided to take a crack at P90x3. Not for the ladies, for me... and because the military program I'm trying to get into has stupidly high fitness requirements that I'm not sure I can pull off otherwise.
Dunno, some of my friends had pretty good results on it (specifically p90x3), using it as prescribed within the nutritional recommendations and guidelines.
In any case, I'm not paying for it, so it cant hurt lol
You look like a broken picture link. I don't think anyone likes those. Maybe that's just me though.
Automatically Appended Next Post:
hotsauceman1 wrote: Want to loose 20 pounds fast?
3 liters of water a dday, no soda for a month, only water.
I hear tapeworm eggs work wonders too, though I've not tried it.
Automatically Appended Next Post: Everyone else has done it, I suppose I'll join in since I was never part of the show yourself threads. I seriously don't know about you guys though. If I had some of your mugs, I wouldn't be here.
Monitor shattering visage inbound:
Spoiler:
There's.... not a whole lot you can do with that. The beard is a little less scruffy now, but I look like Powder without it and worse with hair, so I picked the best of both bad worlds. Thinking about going the ATHF route and wearing the Phantom of the Opera mask and claiming I was burned while saving children from a fire or something.
Sounds like we need to get you some confidence too, you're an average looking dude, with a bit of a cleanup on that mustache (not a fan of the part in the center, makes you look like you have a harelip) I'd go so far as to say that youre handsome
Looks about average. Honestly your biggest problem is the blurry washed out picture, find a friend with a better camera and you won't have anything to worry about.
It's not a good picture, I'll admit. The moustache has filled in a bit. That was back when I first started growing the facial hair. I should probably get a newer picture of myself.
It's just stunning to look back on pictures of myself from 10 years ago when I might have described myself as good looking.
chaos0xomega wrote:well, the leather harley vest must have done it... you either look like an outlaw or look like Mr. Slave.
I decided to take a crack at P90x3. Not for the ladies, for me... and because the military program I'm trying to get into has stupidly high fitness requirements that I'm not sure I can pull off otherwise.
Why not do goal specific training instead of that P90x3 crap?
The girl looks like a babe. Don't change a thing darlin.
The rest of you guys need to stop worrying about what you look like. Girls don't care what you look like if you don't have charisma and confidence to begin with. Some one mentioned the scary biker metal dude like its a bad thing. Girls love that guy and he gets laid nonstop, because he is a badass.
Most likely no one is going to get a fairytale relationship. You will probably spend years dealing with and learning from messy and crazy relationships. Stay confident and try to have fun. You guys should be playing the field instead of pining over one chick. That creeps people (women) out. Dinner and movies is a bad idea. Coffee is just better than a job interview.
For some reason, despite the mockery I've received over the years for my genetically inherited skinniness and other assorted digs at how I looked/look, I'm fine with it; my face especially. Now the acne's more or less cleared up, there's not much wrong. The only things I dislike are my teeth, which I don't dislike nearly enough to feel like spending money on 'correcting' for no benefit that isn't purely cosmetic.
Ashiraya wrote:But there is something else as well, my eyebrows. They are less bushy now (I've shaved them a little bit) but they are a bit... uneven. Especially the rightmost part of my left eyebrow.
Is it noticeable? I have done my best to even them out, but they are more stubborn than a Commissar.
I think that's something that women may notice, but guys.. probably not! I don't think it's actually possible to achieve symmetrical eyebrows anyway (believe me - I've tried!).
daedalus wrote:
Monitor shattering visage inbound:
Spoiler:
There's.... not a whole lot you can do with that. The beard is a little less scruffy now, but I look like Powder without it and worse with hair, so I picked the best of both bad worlds. Thinking about going the ATHF route and wearing the Phantom of the Opera mask and claiming I was burned while saving children from a fire or something.
Less of the self-deprecation please - you're a good-looking guy!
the shrouded lord wrote: you guys all have such fantastic beards (ash excluded) man I wish I had a beard.
I’m with you on that. I go from clean shaven to scruffy, and then on to more scruffy. Never to cross the line into “bearded”. At this point I’ve given up even trying anymore.
Ashiraya wrote: But there is something else as well, my eyebrows. They are less bushy now (I've shaved them a little bit) but they are a bit... uneven. Especially the rightmost part of my left eyebrow.
Is it noticeable?
Did you notice that mine are also uneven? Look again if not. They have the very exact same issue. The rightmost part of my left eyebrow is trying to get away too! Maybe seeing it on someone else will give you a better idea of how they influence your overall look, i.e. they certainly do not disfigure you! (Or it does and everyone pretended not to notice on my pictures ). Not even sure it is a bad thing.
Radiation wrote: The gSome one mentioned the scary biker metal dude like its a bad thing. Girls love that guy and he gets laid nonstop, because he is a badass.
I did not mention it as a bad thing, I mentioned it as something Master of ordinance do not look like. Do you think he looks like a scary biker ?
I think if he looked like a scary biker metal dude, rather than nice geeky metal dude, he would attract different kind of women looking for different kind of relationship though.
If someone is close enough to notice subtle differences in your eyebrows, they are probably on their way in for a kiss. At which point they aren’t going to be bothered. At your ages at least. I’m working on a nice set of crazy old man eyebrows, that reach out into other people’s personal space. When I was getting my hair cut Tuesday, the barber offered to trim them back. I declined, as at my age I’ll take my hair where I can get it.
Speaking as a bisexual man, none of you sissies who have posted pictures in the past few pages are ugly. Some of you I would acknowledge as being objectively attractive, if not by my standards (for guys I tend to prefer slender pretty boys).
Ashiraya, your jaw isn't particularly large, nor your eyes bushy. With that said, yeah, you do look slightly androgynous. *shrugs*
A lot of that probably comes from the aforementioned in this thread srs bsns expression (IIRC studies have shown that frowning and gak is seen as more masculine, whereas happiness is feminine) you're toting, particularly the sternness of your mouth, but I still think you're plenty attractive. In particular I really like your soft-looking, voluminous hair. It's really pretty.
@ashiraya: You look alright. Your face does look a bit masculine but still decent enough. I'm rather curious about your nationality. Are your family from eastern europe? For some reason you have that look about your facial features. Maybe it's just me. I could see your face in that picture as being a bit intimidating. You look like a girl somebody doesn't want to mess with or else they'll get beaten up.
Not sure why you're posting in this thread though. I feel like most girls that are wargamers or gamers at all instantly have an advantage over other girls. I mean don't get me wrong personality matters too. Bossy and controlling women for instance bother me. My point though is that most war-gamer guys would do anything to have a war-gamer girlfriend that's even halfway decent in every other aspect. It's more a matter of numbers of guys vs girls in the given hobby.
My only real advice is maybe try to look a bit less intimidating. Also i wouldn't be surprised if you could get a pretty good guy at the gaming group you go to.
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Here's me. I'm the one on the top of the other 3 guys.
Spoiler:
It's not the best type of picture but one of the only good ones i could find of me. Sometimes i can look pretty good but it's dependent on several factors like how much i give a crap about how i look that day (usually if i plan to go out somewhere) and also depending on my skin condition which comes and goes. Sometimes the redness around and on my nose is pretty bad. The older i get the more physical problems seem to come around that i never had. That said i feel like my looks have been reaching a peak. Not that it's saying too much but if i want to capitalize on it i should do it right away.
Oh and i think i've been told i look a bit like Charlie from "it's always sunny in philadelphia" in the picture though not quite as lovable i'm sure.
thenoobbomb wrote: Everyone's posting pictures? Late to the party as usual, but well, here's le moi, taken a week ago. Behold!
Spoiler:
Not bad. I just added a picture of myself in the last post. I think i can find another for this one. You kind of look like one of those kids from an 80's movie about teenagers.
thenoobbomb wrote: Everyone's posting pictures? Late to the party as usual, but well, here's le moi, taken a week ago. Behold!
Spoiler:
Not bad. I just added a picture of myself in the last post. I think i can find another for this one. You kind of look like one of those kids from an 80's movie about teenagers.
Another pic of me (in the NASA t-shirt). For some odd reason i look really good in pictures of myself with shades. Normally i let me eyes show. I'm just normally very un-photogenic.
Spoiler:
@thenoobbomb: Oh i meant one of those high school movies like about angst or something or possibly 'ferris bueller's day off' or something. That said i'm imagining you in one of the most terribly acted lines ever. "They eating him....and then they're gonna eat me! Oh my GOOODDDDDDDD!!!"
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As far as dating goes i'm not trying too hard recently. I might give it another shot when i go back to school. There's also some girl that plays warhammer fantasy that seems ok. She's actually kind of weird (in saying inappropriate things) but that suits me i guess since i'm also really bad at that. Probably a bad idea since it's another online thing. Apparently she has red hair. She's french so i'm not sure if that's relevant. One time when my computer was having trouble working she diagnosed that i should shoot it with an uzi. I would have to say that's a pretty stellar response for a girl i might want go for. Not sure if i want to pursue that too hard. Online things tend not to work out for me or many other people for that matter. I just sort of look for relationships online since i used to move a lot with my family. Believe me moving a lot sucks esp. when your country is as big as the USA.
Some time ago i asked out a girl i met in that one physics class. She seemed really flattered by her voice but she had a boyfriend and had one since the start of the class.
No idea why everyone is posting pics, but I want to join in.
I'm planning on getting in to the whole dating/relationships game once I return to university in January. I'm doubtful that my ugly mug will attract the ladies!
lord_blackfang wrote: Guys, just go out and look at couples in the street and you'll see that looks have nothing to do with it (for men).
That's just as untrue as a claim that looks have everything to do with it. Everyone is different when it comes to attraction, so one person might think nothing of someone's looks and another might think everything of them, but for most people looks will probably factor somewhere in the vague middle-area between those two extremes, for both men and women.
flamingkillamajig wrote:Are your family from eastern europe? For some reason you have that look about your facial features. Maybe it's just me.
My grandfather is from Estonia but otherwise I'm an ethnic Swede. I didn't expect that to be noticeable.
I could see your face in that picture as being a bit intimidating. You look like a girl somebody doesn't want to mess with or else they'll get beaten up.
>:3
Why so?
Not sure why you're posting in this thread though. I feel like most girls that are wargamers or gamers at all instantly have an advantage over other girls. I mean don't get me wrong personality matters too. Bossy and controlling women for instance bother me. My point though is that most war-gamer guys would do anything to have a war-gamer girlfriend that's even halfway decent in every other aspect. It's more a matter of numbers of guys vs girls in the given hobby.
Yes and no. Easy to find someone, but hard to find the right one. And when I do, I want to be prepared.
Also i wouldn't be surprised if you could get a pretty good guy at the gaming group you go to.
No. No, no, no. At our local GW there's pretty much only whiny pre-teens and young boys. Not what I am after.
My gaming group is... nice, but none of them interest me romantically.
An advantage of being in this hobby is a wide selection and low competition, I guess.
flamingkillamajig wrote: Not sure why you're posting in this thread though. I feel like most girls that are wargamers or gamers at all instantly have an advantage over other girls. I mean don't get me wrong personality matters too. Bossy and controlling women for instance bother me. My point though is that most war-gamer guys would do anything to have a war-gamer girlfriend that's even halfway decent in every other aspect. It's more a matter of numbers of guys vs girls in the given hobby.
It's not that easy. Sure, if you're a woman and a gamer you can probably walk into the average game store, say "anyone want a girlfriend?", and get plenty of offers. You can also make an online dating profile, say "I want casual sex", and get plenty of offers. But unless you have no standards and just want the first vaguely-acceptable man willing to date/have sex with you those offers don't really mean much. If you have higher standards there's no real advantage to being a woman, and you can have just as much trouble as any man trying to get a date with a specific person of interest.
flamingkillamajig wrote:Are your family from eastern europe? For some reason you have that look about your facial features. Maybe it's just me.
My grandfather is from Estonia but otherwise I'm an ethnic Swede. I didn't expect that to be noticeable.
I could see your face in that picture as being a bit intimidating. You look like a girl somebody doesn't want to mess with or else they'll get beaten up.
>:3
Why so?
Not sure why you're posting in this thread though. I feel like most girls that are wargamers or gamers at all instantly have an advantage over other girls. I mean don't get me wrong personality matters too. Bossy and controlling women for instance bother me. My point though is that most war-gamer guys would do anything to have a war-gamer girlfriend that's even halfway decent in every other aspect. It's more a matter of numbers of guys vs girls in the given hobby.
Yes and no. Easy to find someone, but hard to find the right one. And when I do, I want to be prepared.
Also i wouldn't be surprised if you could get a pretty good guy at the gaming group you go to.
No. No, no, no. At our local GW there's pretty much only whiny pre-teens and young boys. Not what I am after.
My gaming group is... nice, but none of them interest me romantically.
An advantage of being in this hobby is a wide selection and low competition, I guess.
As far as the estonia thing goes i didn't know what country and it was just a guess. I seem to be able to pinpoint eastern european features really well and for me i just say eastern europe as a blanket statement. I honestly have no idea which specific country because as far as i know they could be just about all the same in physical appearance. In a different case there's one guy that didn't know how i knew he was even partly asian even though he was only about one quarter asian. I told him i didn't know how people wouldn't notice. I think he said those features were probably the only vastly different features whereas all the others were just various european countries. I'm also pretty good at spotting vietnamese people. The only real trick is that their skin is usually much tanner. Even then i suppose it could be other countries in southeast asia.
You just look super serious in that picture. You just might want to not look so serious if that's not what you're like. Sometimes people just look a certain way even if that's not how they are. You seem more easily approachable online. Possibly how you come off to people online is your inner voice and not your outside voice that you talk to people with.
My advice on having trouble finding the right person is try to be yourself and find somebody attracted to your personality. If you act a certain way to impress somebody they won't be impressed with the real you if they even are impressed. Sure it might be fun in the short term but if you want somebody in the long term you might want to just be yourself. Also i'd hate to say it and hope i don't offend but you seemed to kind of suck up to melissia a bit. I find it good to have differences in tastes even with your friends. For instance during a time i used to be critical of movies and games like those annoying gaming critics everybody used to love because they were funny. Then i realized i don't want to be cynical and sarcastic because that attitude is kind of disgusting in my opinion (though i still enjoy some of them and their humor). Not to mention you can't tell me somebody goes into a movie like freaking 'Transformers' by michael bay and expects a coherent plot with well written characters and a compelling story. It's a stupid action movie and you saw it coming in. So yeah i don't even totally mind liking the kennedy/castro/kennedy zombies scene in 'call of duty: black ops'. It's hilarious and deserves some credit for it if nothing else.
As far as the gaming group goes i find it nice that at my GW somebody can just reference an 80's action movie or some nerdy reference and at least one other person will get it if not more. The great thing about GW's is that if nothing else a lot of people there are nerds with everything else as well. I guess you'd have to like a lot of other nerdy things if you like warhammer.
My gaming group has pretty much always been guys. In the whole time i've been there there's been maybe 2-3 girl players and one was a GW store manager at one point and good looking but i'd never really seen her much seeing as she worked at another GW at the time. Most girls that get interested in warhammer prefer to paint of all things. Dunno why but it boggles my mind.
As far as the guys at the GW it ranges from kids to pre-teens, old guys, army dudes and a mixture of beardy guys, average guys and even some good looking guys (saying this as a heterosexual man). Some of the decent looking guys have been jerks though but there has been a couple that were fairly nice and to be fair their have been some fairly smug power gamers, jerks and nerds that weren't so great looking.
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Also ashiraya was that friend that did that picture of you a guy? If so said person might like you. You never really know. The reason why i try not to be in friendship relationships with people of the opposite sex is that chances are one person or the other tends to have interests as more than friends. That's why it's best to just be fairly straightforward when those feelings arise. Sure they may reject you but it's better finding out right away than one of you waiting infinitely for nothing. Besides what if you both like each other and just don't know.
Also ashiraya was that friend that did that picture of you a guy? If so said person might like you.
Being a guy isn't a prerequisite for your second statement to be true.
Oh that's true. That said there are still more straight people than gay. I mean i could probably totally be ok with just being friends with a girl if she is gay. That said it's only my attraction to her that would matter really. So if i'm not interested then i'm fine just being friends.
I've just known plenty of people with lots of friends of the opposite sex and i keep thinking to myself that there's no way they all just want to be friends. It's probably not always the case but usually the better looking person with an outgoing personality and certain assets is the one that sees the other person as just a friend whereas the other person that is probably more socially awkward tends to be the one looking for more than friendship.
Also i mean come on have you guys ever seen the one girl surrounded by all the guy friends. Do you really think they all just want friendship? I'm telling you right now that's not the case and i'm sure a lot of us know that. In fact i'm betting a lot of those guys want more than friendship. I won't say every guy though as there are some circumstances.
flamingkillamajig wrote: I've just known plenty of people with lots of friends of the opposite sex and i keep thinking to myself that there's no way they all just want to be friends.
Maybe you need to reevaluate your stereotypes then?
Oh that's true. That said there are still more straight people than gay. I mean i could probably totally be ok with just being friends with a girl if she is gay. That said it's only my attraction to her that would matter really. So if i'm not interested then i'm fine just being friends.
I've just known plenty of people with lots of friends of the opposite sex and i keep thinking to myself that there's no way they all just want to be friends. It's probably not always the case but usually the better looking person with an outgoing personality and certain assets is the one that sees the other person as just a friend whereas the other person that is probably more socially awkward tends to be the one looking for more than friendship.
Also i mean come on have you guys ever seen the one girl surrounded by all the guy friends. Do you really think they all just want friendship? I'm telling you right now that's not the case and i'm sure a lot of us know that. In fact i'm betting a lot of those guys want more than friendship. I won't say every guy though as there are some circumstances.
Not the case in Sweden (this is a stereotype and I don't actually believe this).
As for the second part of your post, oh, I don't know about all that. I mean, throughout high school and even now in college I have far more female friends and acquaintances than male. Surely that's not because they are all attracted to me, right? I mean come on. That would be ridiculous.
Well i mean if somebody is in a relationship sure but you can't tell me an attractive girl with like 12 guy friends all of which are single are just all there to be her friend (in fact i tend to find it very hard to just try to be friends with somebody attractive if they have other good qualities). I'm sure this is true for an attractive guy as well. I mean sure don't get me wrong maybe some of them are gay or maybe there truly is a friendship going on but in a lot of cases if i want to be a friend with a girl the only thing separating me from wanting to be friends and more than friends is looks. I mean there are nice girls sure but chances are if they're just nice with no similar interests it probably won't work. I've had friends with no similar interests but we were both nice to each other. Those friendships didn't last because we had nothing in common we could do together. I know it might be different with the opposite sex since you can do stuff with them but i'd at least like some common interests. Funny thing is that doesn't seem to happen too much. I seem to find most women liking different things from me with a few exceptions (psychology is a class more women seem to like for some reason and i enjoyed it).
I dunno, I have a friend group of nine or so guys who I've known for, like, six years now, and I've never witnessed as much as a single case of flirting. At first we were simply in the same class but the class was split up after 3 years. Many of my hobbies are more popular among men, so from that perspective it's of course easier to get male friends.
I guess some people just want to be that, friends.
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Void__Dragon wrote: In particular I really like your soft-looking, voluminous hair. It's really pretty.
Also, this needs special thanks. I love my hair! One part of me that I feel genetics got right.
@ashiraya: It's always worth checking out. I mean if they don't have girlfriends and they're always hanging around you it might be a thing. Just ask em (when you're alone with each one) and find out. I mean it's more likely if you're super attractive that they want to be more than friends but still it happens. I mean i once told my half nephew's girlfriend this and she'd had plenty of guy friends for years too and her response was, "Believe me i know unfortunately."
I dunno for me it's just hard to be just friends with women. You also never know if one or the other is interested. It might also depend on how many possible candidates they have for a girlfriend or boyfriend.
flamingkillamajig wrote: Well i mean if somebody is in a relationship sure but you can't tell me an attractive girl with like 12 guy friends all of which are single are just all there to be her friend (in fact i tend to find it very hard to just try to be friends with somebody attractive if they have other good qualities). I'm sure this is true for an attractive guy as well. I mean sure don't get me wrong maybe some of them are gay or maybe there truly is a friendship going on but in a lot of cases if i want to be a friend with a girl the only thing separating me from wanting to be friends and more than friends is looks. I mean there are nice girls sure but chances are if they're just nice with no similar interests it probably won't work. I've had friends with no similar interests but we were both nice to each other. Those friendships didn't last because we had nothing in common we could do together. I know it might be different with the opposite sex since you can do stuff with them but i'd at least like some common interests. Funny thing is that doesn't seem to happen too much. I seem to find most women liking different things from me with a few exceptions (psychology is a class more women seem to like for some reason and i enjoyed it).
A lot of them will just be friends, about 3ish of them will show more interest in general. If the girl isn't interested and realise that's all they hang around for the friendship fades quickly as well.
It probably varies from person to person i guess. It's still a possibility. After 6 years probably not so much but it's still worth finding out. Sometimes people throw out possible hints that they are interested but in some cases it might be your imagination. It's still worth looking into a bit.
Considering you're so ridiculously young ashiraya 6 years to you is a third of your life and at 12 years old there's a strong possibility they might just be friends. The whole childhood friend thing sometimes has a sort of brother/sister effect on people. Still i'm not completely sure.
Just personal experience, but very few people would wait that long before mentioning it. If they did I'd question how long they had feelings for and maybe wonder about a lack of confidence and uncertainty there.
Yeah i'm seeing your point there as well. 6 years is an awfully long time to go without saying something in that regard. Can't say war-gamers aren't often socially inept though. I mean yeah many seem decent enough to engage in conversation and such since it's a hobby where you interact in person but often with some war-gaming stores the lack of females probably takes its toll on their ability to engage women. Still 6 years doesn't sound like something anybody would wait for without so much as a blip on the flirtation detector.
Yes well you can only really say from personal experience and if you don't have it you don't really know for sure.
For me personally i don't think i could just be friends with a girl as one of us would probably like the other as more. There are exceptions like family members, peoples of a large age gap (won't stop everybody though), super long time friends and being of different sexual preferences. I dunno perhaps the reason why i can't just be friends is that i don't have enough female choices to be picky enough to just have friends. Part of that is my lifestyle not allowing me to meet a lot of women and also not liking things that women also like. Things seemed to work out alright in my physics 2 class though. I felt like i was getting some looks in there. Can't say i clicked too well with any of them unfortunately. That's usually infrequent.
I suppose my biggest problem is more getting out there and meeting women or putting myself in a position to meet them. I mean you can have it all but if you aren't around the gender or genders you're interested in you're not gonna get squat.
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Anyway i'm getting pretty tired over here so i'll be heading to bed for now.
flamingkillamajig wrote: I dunno perhaps the reason why i can't just be friends is that i don't have enough female choices to be picky enough to just have friends.
And this explains a lot. You can't see how friendship could ever work because you feel the obligation to pursue even people who aren't a very good match, just because you're desperate and don't think you'll get any better chances. If/when you get into a better situation you'll hopefully realize that you don't actually want to date every woman you meet, but some of them are still worth having as friends. It's definitely something you need to work on for three reasons:
1) If availability is your main (only?) requirement you're going to waste your time and happiness on bad relationships with people you should never have considered. Even in a shallow dating pool you still have to have standards.
2) Desperation isn't sexy. If you're assuming that every woman you meet has to be a potential date it's very likely that people are going to pick up on this attitude and keep their distance from you.
3) You're missing out on potential friendships that add happiness to your life. You're rejecting some of them because being "just friends" (as if friendship has no value) isn't an option for you, and you're probably going to ruin others by being awkward and trying to force the other person into the "date or nothing" box.
flamingkillamajig wrote: I dunno perhaps the reason why i can't just be friends is that i don't have enough female choices to be picky enough to just have friends.
And this explains a lot. You can't see how friendship could ever work because you feel the obligation to pursue even people who aren't a very good match, just because you're desperate and don't think you'll get any better chances. If/when you get into a better situation you'll hopefully realize that you don't actually want to date every woman you meet, but some of them are still worth having as friends. It's definitely something you need to work on for three reasons:
1) If availability is your main (only?) requirement you're going to waste your time and happiness on bad relationships with people you should never have considered. Even in a shallow dating pool you still have to have standards.
2) Desperation isn't sexy. If you're assuming that every woman you meet has to be a potential date it's very likely that people are going to pick up on this attitude and keep their distance from you.
3) You're missing out on potential friendships that add happiness to your life. You're rejecting some of them because being "just friends" (as if friendship has no value) isn't an option for you, and you're probably going to ruin others by being awkward and trying to force the other person into the "date or nothing" box.
I've been in my current relationship for two years now and I agree with everything Peregrine just said.
My girlfriend is also my best friend. Friendship is amazing and one of the most important things to making a relationship last.
flamingkillamajig wrote: I dunno perhaps the reason why i can't just be friends is that i don't have enough female choices to be picky enough to just have friends.
And this explains a lot. You can't see how friendship could ever work because you feel the obligation to pursue even people who aren't a very good match, just because you're desperate and don't think you'll get any better chances. If/when you get into a better situation you'll hopefully realize that you don't actually want to date every woman you meet, but some of them are still worth having as friends. It's definitely something you need to work on for three reasons:
1) If availability is your main (only?) requirement you're going to waste your time and happiness on bad relationships with people you should never have considered. Even in a shallow dating pool you still have to have standards.
2) Desperation isn't sexy. If you're assuming that every woman you meet has to be a potential date it's very likely that people are going to pick up on this attitude and keep their distance from you.
3) You're missing out on potential friendships that add happiness to your life. You're rejecting some of them because being "just friends" (as if friendship has no value) isn't an option for you, and you're probably going to ruin others by being awkward and trying to force the other person into the "date or nothing" box.
I've been in my current relationship for two years now and I agree with everything Peregrine just said.
My girlfriend is also my best friend. Friendship is amazing and one of the most important things to making a relationship last.
Spoiler:
Also, Friendship is Magic
Friendship is not at all magic lol (insert gen 1 being the best line here)
Personally I prefer friendship with other men, though most of my friends are women...
I donno men are...less scornful of my hobbies and interests.
Women often are quite scornful about it. Like simply because I am interested in women (even if not them) they feel the need to tell me how much I suck.
I did get into a wonderful conversation with a guy about monster high dolls.
That was nice. I needed that!
Easy E wrote: Stop trying to get a date and just start meeting people instead. Take the pressure off yourself.
Trust me, it will make a world of difference.
have an exalt, you deserve it. The moment i started talking to girls with such mindset is the moment i am a lot more successful with them (and I sure as hell am not some Brad Pitt prettyface
So, it is 2015 now, and almost a year since the start of this thread. I do not feel I made much progress, at all.
Anyone has been luckier than me?
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Avatar 720 wrote: You tell him how you feel during your lowest times, how it impacts on your life during those times, and explain to him the fluctuating nature of what you're going through, including the fact that you currently feel well enough to seek help about it. As much as it might seem fruitless or difficult to explain exactly 'feeling very sad sometimes' means, you're not going to be doing yourself any good if you play it all down, or generalise. If you've been low enough to contemplate suicide, for example, then you must mention it, regardless of whether it was a fleeting half-second thought, or one that persisted, along with the frequency of them and your honest opinion about how you cope with them. Obviously I'm not saying that you've felt like that, but what I am saying is that any detail, however short-lived or seemingly irrelevant, matters, and should be mentioned.
It'll then be his job to decide what to do, although you can probably request a therapist. If you have a general idea of when you start deteriorating (E.G. Every X weeks or so you hit a low point for Y weeks, and then you're fine again for another X weeks), then mention it and see if you can work out an appointment schedule that'll include appointments during those times, as well as times when you're feeling well. If you don't want to try medication (which, contrary to popular belief, is far from mandatory) then say so, and you might be more likely to get a therapist referral, especially if you mention wanting to wait and see how such a thing would go before deciding on meds.
Essentially, go in there and be as honest as humanly possible about both the very low periods, and the periods of wellness.
Still not sure if I want to wait until after my PhD defense for that or not. On one hand, I certainly will have a lot more time after my defense, and I will likely feel better. On the other hand, maybe this can help me write my thesis faster and better.
Hybrid Son Of Oxayotl wrote: So, it is 2015 now, and almost a year since the start of this thread. I do not feel I made much progress, at all.
Anyone has been luckier than me?
.
If by luck you mean atleast getting over my crippling fear of girls, then yes.
Well last year was certainly better than 2013.
I didn't get harassed every damn minute at school (I hate the word bully, it sounds ridiculously immature)
more on topic, Me and my girlfriend went and saw the battle of five armies. her paretns were sitting behind us but I kind of rested my ar against hers and at the end of the night I hugged her *shrug*.
And me and my best friend and my GF and his GF are planning A double date.
Hybrid Son Of Oxayotl wrote: So, it is 2015 now, and almost a year since the start of this thread. I do not feel I made much progress, at all.
Anyone has been luckier than me?
2014 was a decent year for me unlike the 2013 lol (even though GF dumped me, but again it was my fault for kissing with this girl i just met while my GF's friends were in the club ) I was a bit deppressed since then(@halloween) i simply had this approach to chat a bit, eventually make out with a girl and both forgetting each other the next day.. But now it's new year and i guess i should look for a more stabile relationship...
tl;dr got dumped and got sick and tired of "stabile relationships", after some time of above mentioned approach i got sick of it as well and wish for a stabile relationship,(prefferably this one will be interested into 40k (yeah, right! :S))
Went out on a date tonight. Got sushi. She was pretty cool, and we had quite a few laughs, though I fear she's much more interested than I am. Once again, it seems like any girl that likes me just isn't really my type. Gonna give it a second sometime soon and see if things change.
daedalus wrote: Went out on a date tonight. Got sushi. She was pretty cool, and we had quite a few laughs, though I fear she's much more interested than I am. Once again, it seems like any girl that likes me just isn't really my type. Gonna give it a second sometime soon and see if things change.
Firstly, well done.
Secondly- don't ditch on the 2nd date, take what you can get, and give it time to flourish. It feels like your expectations are way up on a pedestal.
planning for double date is a go. movie than lunch in the nice little quiet eating-place in the shopping centre. followed by hie and his GF going to the uhhhh bathroom.
the shrouded lord wrote: planning for double date is a go. movie than lunch in the nice little quiet eating-place in the shopping centre. followed by hie and his GF going to the uhhhh bathroom.
Secondly- don't ditch on the 2nd date, take what you can get, and give it time to flourish. It feels like your expectations are way up on a pedestal.
You're not the first person to say that, and you're likely right. I have to temper that with the fact that she was kind of creepy levels of interested, I think. It's bizarre having someone tell you how much they think you're awesome, and telling you that they like you multiple times throughout a night. It's like it's too much or something. Maybe that this strikes me as weird makes me the creepy one. I've had more than my fair share of relationships; isn't that a little odd on the first date?
Secondly- don't ditch on the 2nd date, take what you can get, and give it time to flourish. It feels like your expectations are way up on a pedestal.
You're not the first person to say that, and you're likely right. I have to temper that with the fact that she was kind of creepy levels of interested, I think. It's bizarre having someone tell you how much they think you're awesome, and telling you that they like you multiple times throughout a night. It's like it's too much or something. Maybe that this strikes me as weird makes me the creepy one. I've had more than my fair share of relationships; isn't that a little odd on the first date?
If you were really that interested in her, you wouldn't care. It's only off-putting because you're not particularly attracted to her. Sorry, bro.
And yes Dakkanauts, I am definitely single again. All of your attempts to get a girl just became that tiniest of percentages more difficult...
If you were really that interested in her, you wouldn't care. It's only off-putting because you're not particularly attracted to her. Sorry, bro.
Yeah, that makes some sense. I mean, I was more interested in her before we met, like, when we were talking on the phone. I don't think it was really an issue with physical attraction. I mean, she wasn't the most attractive woman I've seen, but she wasn't terrible either. Maybe just first date jitters or something?
And yes Dakkanauts, I am definitely single again. All of your attempts to get a girl just became that tiniest of percentages more difficult...
If you were really that interested in her, you wouldn't care. It's only off-putting because you're not particularly attracted to her. Sorry, bro.
Yeah, that makes some sense. I mean, I was more interested in her before we met, like, when we were talking on the phone. I don't think it was really an issue with physical attraction. I mean, she wasn't the most attractive woman I've seen, but she wasn't terrible either. Maybe just first date jitters or something?
Nah, when you know, you know. Search your feelings. Sometimes the chemistry is just not there.
It's my personal belief that dudes tell themselves 'well, I'm not that into her, but a girl I'm not that into is better than no girl at all - what if I never find anyone else?' Sound familiar to anyone?
Nah, mate. You can do better. Honestly, the feeling of meeting someone you're reaaaally into, that is reaaaallly into you, and really connecting with them, is better than any drug. And I've smoked crack.
And yes Dakkanauts, I am definitely single again. All of your attempts to get a girl just became that tiniest of percentages more difficult...
It's my personal belief that dudes tell themselves 'well, I'm not that into her, but a girl I'm not that into is better than no girl at all - what if I never find anyone else?' Sound familiar to anyone?
Nah, mate. You can do better. Honestly, the feeling of meeting someone you're reaaaally into, that is reaaaallly into you, and really connecting with them, is better than any drug. And I've smoked crack.
I can agree to that. Well, not the crack part, but I'll take your word for it.
...and so I've been getting messages from a number I don't recognize. At first I thought it was the girl I was dating some 6 months ago, but I got rid of that number knowing I'd never need it again. Immediately asked me about how my dating of people has been lately. Started to get a little paranoid and responded very guardedly. Ther person then sent a few more texts, and the language and habits of the text messages got veeerry familiar. I... I think the one I went out with the other day literally just sent me text messages from a number I didn't recognize pretending to be someone else asking me how the date went. I think I need a drink.
Albatross wrote: It's my personal belief that dudes tell themselves 'well, I'm not that into her, but a girl I'm not that into is better than no girl at all - what if I never find anyone else?' Sound familiar to anyone?
That emphasized part. A lot.
Albatross wrote: And yes Dakkanauts, I am definitely single again. All of your attempts to get a girl just became that tiniest of percentages more difficult...
I do not think there is much overlap between the women you could be dating and the women I could be dating anyway, if only because of the obvious distance stuff.
It's my personal belief that dudes tell themselves 'well, I'm not that into her, but a girl I'm not that into is better than no girl at all - what if I never find anyone else?' Sound familiar to anyone?
Nah, mate. You can do better. Honestly, the feeling of meeting someone you're reaaaally into, that is reaaaallly into you, and really connecting with them, is better than any drug. And I've smoked crack.
I can agree to that. Well, not the crack part, but I'll take your word for it.
...and so I've been getting messages from a number I don't recognize. At first I thought it was the girl I was dating some 6 months ago, but I got rid of that number knowing I'd never need it again. Immediately asked me about how my dating of people has been lately. Started to get a little paranoid and responded very guardedly. Ther person then sent a few more texts, and the language and habits of the text messages got veeerry familiar. I... I think the one I went out with the other day literally just sent me text messages from a number I didn't recognize pretending to be someone else asking me how the date went. I think I need a drink.
HOLY F.... Yeah, that'd be pretty mental. Run! Danger!
HOLY F.... Yeah, that'd be pretty mental. Run! Danger!
It's not like I have thousands of samples, but she's the only girl... the only person period I've ever met who consistently puts "lol" only at the beginning of a text message and uses hyphens in place of semicolons, or really that hyphenates between phrases period. That's pretty unusual.
That's not much of a smoking gun, but between the timing and that, I'm creeped out enough to be done.
Zambro wrote: Why dont you just say 'I dont recognise the number, who is this?'.
Ya know, to at least clarify who it actually is...
Well, after a glass of port and a beer, I think that's what I'm going to do. I'm operating under the assumption that she is borrowing the phone from someone else, and I'm going to wait a little while to minimimze the odds she's still around it at the time. Either way, she probably wouldn't be able to give a name I know. Maybe I'm being too paranoid about it, but it was pretty creepy.
HOLY F.... Yeah, that'd be pretty mental. Run! Danger!
It's not like I have thousands of samples, but she's the only girl... the only person period I've ever met who consistently puts "lol" only at the beginning of a text message and uses hyphens in place of semicolons, or really that hyphenates between phrases period. That's pretty unusual.
That's not much of a smoking gun, but between the timing and that, I'm creeped out enough to be done.
Mate how is that creepy? Everyone has their little quirks, stop nitpicking! Did you perhaps consider that she may be pretty nervous too?
angelofvengeance wrote: Mate how is that creepy? Everyone has their little quirks, stop nitpicking! Did you perhaps consider that she may be pretty nervous too?
Go back and read the context. The odd punctuation style isn't the creepy thing, it's the evidence that seems to confirm their suspicions about the sender's identity. This is the actual problem:
I think the one I went out with the other day literally just sent me text messages from a number I didn't recognize pretending to be someone else asking me how the date went.
HOLY F.... Yeah, that'd be pretty mental. Run! Danger!
It's not like I have thousands of samples, but she's the only girl... the only person period I've ever met who consistently puts "lol" only at the beginning of a text message and uses hyphens in place of semicolons, or really that hyphenates between phrases period. That's pretty unusual.
That's not much of a smoking gun, but between the timing and that, I'm creeped out enough to be done.
It's not improper within certain contexts. It's just unusual enough and unusual enough within the context of narrowing it down to people that I find myself at unease about it.
The number claimed that it was mistaken identity, but referenced me having an "awesome beard" before I started digging, which was something she had said in person. Creep factor not reduced.
It's not improper within certain contexts. It's just unusual enough and unusual enough within the context of narrowing it down to people that I find myself at unease about it.
The number claimed that it was mistaken identity, but referenced me having an "awesome beard" before I started digging, which was something she had said in person. Creep factor not reduced.
While i'd be a bit weirded out too i think there's something you should figure out. Is she a lonely, socially awkward person and constantly depressed? Stalkers tend to be those people. Perhaps right now she needs somebody. It doesn't have to be you though it can be a friend or something. Anything to make life suck that much less. Stalkers also tend to look up to the people they stalk as some idol practically. You are probably all the things she is not but wishes she could be.
All that said i would probably call it quits myself before the 2nd date. For somebody to be that into you without knowing nearly anything about you is strange. At least with me it takes me liking a girl a lot for months and her fully aware of this and ok with it for many months to go bad. Not saying it hasn't sooner but there isn't usually that much interest behind it. It's more like 'So what i only knew them for a few weeks and not well.'
Well, I have heard many people do the same sort of thing on first dates. Talk way too much and overly fawn over the other person. They think that will get them another date with someone.
They are wrong. It is just a sign of someone who is oozing desperation. It is very unattractive and unnerving.
Easy E wrote: Well, I have heard many people do the same sort of thing on first dates. Talk way too much and overly fawn over the other person. They think that will get them another date with someone.
They are wrong. It is just a sign of someone who is oozing desperation. It is very unattractive and unnerving.
Yeah it is but they may also need some help. Hopefully they have other chances with other people.
I mean for me the most i get out is just going to games workshop, panera, the gym and my job at a factory. The factory is all men practically (most of the women work in the office) and all of the women are either too old or taken and probably both with the most attractive being the boss's wife and the mother of my supervisor (well when he's in that part of the shop). As far as games workshop it's once again mostly guys and finding a girl there is like a magical finding waldo moment. The gym has plenty of women and some attractive but i feel the decent looking ones (keep in mind many make me look super unfit) are all upset enough at guys looking at them and asking for dates so i don't try (pretty sure they hate those guys). So that only really leaves the panera which is a sandwich place. Sometimes they have fairly cute girls working there and such. Honestly for me my best bet is going back to school again so i shouldn't even really try until then.
Btw if you want to hear creepy i once was in class and a random girl i never talked to walked right in and pretended to be my girlfriend (this was during a lab). I was in mild shock. I remember one guy even saying he didn't know i had a girlfriend. Yeah i wish someone let me know too. It was the only time it happened but i don't really hate her (though i don't think i want to talk to her but i wouldn't absolutely avoid her unless she got way weirder). She was at one point in a class i was in. I didn't know she was that into me to pretend that. I honestly thought it was a practical joke.
Easy E wrote: Well, I have heard many people do the same sort of thing on first dates. Talk way too much and overly fawn over the other person. They think that will get them another date with someone.
They are wrong. It is just a sign of someone who is oozing desperation. It is very unattractive and unnerving.
Yeah it is but they may also need some help. Hopefully they have other chances with other people.
I mean for me the most i get out is just going to games workshop, panera, the gym and my job at a factory.
Well, if you actually want to meet more girls, then you will have to go to more places and put in a bit more of an effort. Sorry, relationships don't just happen despite what the movies, video games and TV tell you.
Protip: If you want to have a relationship, first you have to meet them.
Hybrid Son Of Oxayotl wrote: Still not sure whether I am annoying her and she is just being polite and I should stop or if she is just really too busy with the article and I am being paranoid...
So back off for a while and see what happens. Someone who is genuinely interested will probably make an effort to keep the friendship/relationship going (since you work together there are plenty of opportunities to at least have a brief conversation), someone who is tired of you and just doing the bare minimum to avoid being rude won't.
After more than one month of barely saying hi, she actually did engage a conversation today while I was getting back to my bike, asking me if I had done my PhD defense yet. I have no idea what this means.
Easy E wrote: Well, I have heard many people do the same sort of thing on first dates. Talk way too much and overly fawn over the other person. They think that will get them another date with someone.
They are wrong. It is just a sign of someone who is oozing desperation. It is very unattractive and unnerving.
Yeah it is but they may also need some help. Hopefully they have other chances with other people.
I mean for me the most i get out is just going to games workshop, panera, the gym and my job at a factory.
Well, if you actually want to meet more girls, then you will have to go to more places and put in a bit more of an effort. Sorry, relationships don't just happen despite what the movies, video games and TV tell you.
Protip: If you want to have a relationship, first you have to meet them.
Yeah i noticed that myself. Hopefully it could also get my mind off that girl i used to love that seemed to like me way back. She was the perfect gamer girlfriend. Attractive curvy girl with features, pervy, likes warhammer 40k and played the same army as me (imperial guard) and was a pretty big gamer that liked nerdy stuff like command and conquer and firefly. Basically she was perfect as i said. She even had a sense of humor which is great because i could make her laugh and did so often (even if it didn't take much to make her laugh according to her). I think she wanted attention from everybody though. You know those girls that say pervy stuff to get guys to pay attention to them. Yeah she was one. Anyway i think i did something stupid a while back and from then on she never spoke to me again. Just wish i could've told and showed her how sorry i was. It's been some years though. I've pretty much figured i'll never meet a girl that perfect again. Oh well i guess some people you want to date are just out of reach.
More on to dating i think it'll help me a ton to get my head straight. I mean in my physics class girls were fairly interested in me. I made sure when they saw me in the classroom i usually looked decent at least and clean. A little effort helps. Just couldn't really get interested in any of the girls though i know some were interested. Funny thing is i called up one of the girls from the physics class and she seemed really flattered when i asked her out. That said she had a boyfriend so she couldn't do anything. She told me i should probably go on a dating site because that's what she used for her last two relationships.
As for Ashiraya i'm not that into her like some of you seem to be. She's alright but she's fairly plain in comparison to the girl i used to like. Let me just say the girl i liked showed a bikini pic of herself and holy crap she was hot. Back to Ashiraya though i don't really feel anything there. She's more just a girl that happens to like warhammer. I mean i might game with her but i don't feel any sort of connection. I'm sorry if i seem a bit uninterested but if you knew the girl i used to know you'd probably understand.
Oh and sorry if i seemed to obsess a bit on that girl from way back. I would rather forget about her these days since i can't have her.
Personally, I'm starting to go back to this whole, 'single girls are a myth' thing :p
Or at least, single girls who don't frequent the lowest common denominator of refreshment establishments anyhows...
In any pub (and even the occasional *shudder* club) I've been to over the Christmas period (and there's been a few, surprisingly this year), I've generally found the guys to girl-who-might-be-reasonably-thought-to-be-single ratio is about oh, 7 to 1?
I do occasionally look at POF and Okcupid too and even there, the odds seem pretty long, even mathematically.
Compel wrote: I think you were overthinking a quip there... :p
Personally, I'm starting to go back to this whole, 'single girls are a myth' thing :p
Or at least, single girls who don't frequent the lowest common denominator of refreshment establishments anyhows...
In any pub (and even the occasional *shudder* club) I've been to over the Christmas period (and there's been a few, surprisingly this year), I've generally found the guys to girl-who-might-be-reasonably-thought-to-be-single ratio is about oh, 7 to 1?
I do occasionally look at POF and Okcupid too and even there, the odds seem pretty long, even mathematically.
I think the issue is girls have things they like which are more intended for women. My problem is i want a girl that likes the stuff i like but more likely i'll have to find one that likes a bunch of stuff girls tend to like. Also if i want a girl that likes what i like it most likely can't be gaming and definitely can't be warhammer. Those girls are just impossible to get. Odds of getting them are way too low.
If nothing else works for you then go to college a bit. Some colleges have plenty of good looking and available women.
the purpose of dating is finding a partner yes? well you don't want some one who thinks just like you or always agrees with you. you don't want to date a really submissive person...well, you might. but I feel as tough if you were too similar to your partner the relationship just wouldn't be much. I feel as tough there has to be a little opposing force, you know?
At nearly 30, (another shudder), the whole 'go to college a bit' piece of advice doesn't exactly work anymore.
But seriously, at college / university, that advice really does work. My uni had 10-15,000 people inside it, including societies / clubs for all manner of geeky things, including gaming and p&p rp clubs. - That's the best chance there.
Unfortunately, due to various reasons, I wasn't lucky enough to be one of those 'found the love of my life at university' type people.
@Ashiraya: I just hope i didn't direct too much of what i said at you. There's this weird rule on the dakka forums where if you direct something at somebody too much or direct too much attention at said person you can get in trouble. I was once banned for two weeks for it and not given a warning in my messages for what i did. I was very confused. I've never seen another forum with that rule in all the forums i've been on.
@Compel: True but you can go to a community college. Community colleges have people of all ages. I'm 27 currently but i don't mind going to my community college and meeting women here. Some of these girls are like 19 though. Just wish they were a little older. I may actually be in a different age group since i live on my own and have a job as well as cook.
daedalus wrote: ...and so I've been getting messages from a number I don't recognize. At first I thought it was the girl I was dating some 6 months ago, but I got rid of that number knowing I'd never need it again. Immediately asked me about how my dating of people has been lately. Started to get a little paranoid and responded very guardedly. Ther person then sent a few more texts, and the language and habits of the text messages got veeerry familiar. I... I think the one I went out with the other day literally just sent me text messages from a number I didn't recognize pretending to be someone else asking me how the date went. I think I need a drink.
Missed opportunity here, to test the situation you should have run with a fake but realistic sounding date to see if she flipped out. If the girl you went out with was a brunette you start talking about a nice redhead or blonde you just met. Not over the top girl of your dreams type bluffing, but reasonable and sound sort of interested but not head over heels. Then she either flips out revealing the ruse or she gets more interested as she perceives that there is competition and women want nothing more than to tear a potential prize away from another woman.
Women get excited by the prospect of a guy who other women are interested in, which is why they chase married guys or guys out on dates or hanging out with other women because if those women see something of perceived value then it triggers something in their subconscious that he is worth the chase. If they see a guy without the company of a woman they are more likely to think that he has nothing to offer. Even if they don't admit to it women like to compete, a lot.
I used to hang with one of my friends, who was quite attractive but just a friend. Other women would assume we were on a date because we'd be laughing and talking with actual interest and I'd constantly get slipped numbers or have women hit on me while she was away getting drinks or in the bathroom. When I was out on my own it didn't happen like that but a woman (or woman implied through text) can be the greatest wing man ever as it rouses their subconscious want to win.
A Town Called Malus wrote: Sounds like she was asking whether you'd presented your PhD thesis. Quite straightforward
You have an eye for detail!
Let us put it another way. Why is she interested in knowing whether or not I presented my PhD thesis?
angelofvengeance wrote: Sounds like she may have appreciated the attention you were giving her Oxayotl.
Yeah, but why did she barely talked to me for so long?
flamingkillamajig wrote: As for Ashiraya i'm not that into her like some of you seem to be. She's alright but she's fairly plain in comparison to the girl i used to like. Let me just say the girl i liked showed a bikini pic of herself and holy crap she was hot. Back to Ashiraya though i don't really feel anything there. She's more just a girl that happens to like warhammer. I mean i might game with her but i don't feel any sort of connection. I'm sorry if i seem a bit uninterested but if you knew the girl i used to know you'd probably understand.
I have very good news for you: I am pretty sure Ashiraya is no more into you than you are into her. Is that not awesome?
(Beside, we have only seen her face, so we have no idea how she compares to… some hypothetical picture of some unknown woman in a bikini that you are saying is hot.)
So while in 2013 i failed miserably with girls, in 2014 i have realized when approaching a girl in places like clubs. always try to approach her immediately after you look at each other or atleast within 3 secs or she will think of you as an insecure loser, and try to be natural when approaching, i usually like openers such as can you lend me[insertsomethinghere, usually a lighter], with that outta way i simply brainstorm, knowing at best we will like each other, at worst she will feth me off. Big deal. She isn't the only solo lady in the place.
In my opinion if i mess up the approach there is no way she is gonna find me attractive even if i looked like younger version of Bradd Pitt. So just try to keep calm while approaching and your chances increase dramatically...
and another thing i realized, worth mentioning. If you want to find a "prone to wandering(as to not use swear words )" girl, act like an a-hole. If you want to impress a lady act like yourself and be polite
@Paulson games: that sounds like an interesting trick, shame that i have no female friends who listen to thrash/speed/black metal...(the music they play in these 2 more or less sane clubs in my city where i can feel safe without fear of getting into drunken brawl)
Missed opportunity here, to test the situation you should have run with a fake but realistic sounding date to see if she flipped out. If the girl you went out with was a brunette you start talking about a nice redhead or blonde you just met. Not over the top girl of your dreams type bluffing, but reasonable and sound sort of interested but not head over heels. Then she either flips out revealing the ruse or she gets more interested as she perceives that there is competition and women want nothing more than to tear a potential prize away from another woman.
Women get excited by the prospect of a guy who other women are interested in, which is why they chase married guys or guys out on dates or hanging out with other women because if those women see something of perceived value then it triggers something in their subconscious that he is worth the chase. If they see a guy without the company of a woman they are more likely to think that he has nothing to offer. Even if they don't admit to it women like to compete, a lot.
I used to hang with one of my friends, who was quite attractive but just a friend. Other women would assume we were on a date because we'd be laughing and talking with actual interest and I'd constantly get slipped numbers or have women hit on me while she was away getting drinks or in the bathroom. When I was out on my own it didn't happen like that but a woman (or woman implied through text) can be the greatest wing man ever as it rouses their subconscious want to win.
You raise a good point, but I don't think I was really that much in to her to begin with. Also, I've been kicking myself today for not saying she was a total psycho and seeing what the response was from the "real" number.
A Town Called Malus wrote: Sounds like she was asking whether you'd presented your PhD thesis. Quite straightforward
You have an eye for detail!
Let us put it another way. Why is she interested in knowing whether or not I presented my PhD thesis?
It's a conversation starter, if nothing else, and one that shows she pays attention to what you do. You're looking at it too literally, kinda like Drax here:
A Town Called Malus wrote: Sounds like she was asking whether you'd presented your PhD thesis. Quite straightforward
You have an eye for detail!
Let us put it another way. Why is she interested in knowing whether or not I presented my PhD thesis?
It's called an ice breaker, a throw away question to get a conversation started. Sort of like asking hey do you like this tie? or is that food good?
Could also be that she's into the same subject and wants to talk about it, won't know until you're into the conversation. If she steers it elsewhere it was just to get things warmed up, if she shows continued interest then maybe there's a connection there.
angelofvengeance wrote: Sounds like she may have appreciated the attention you were giving her Oxayotl.
Yeah, but why did she barely talked to me for so long?
Women typically wait for the guys to make the first move, a lot of them can be shy or they don't want to seem too eager/desperate by being forward with a guy. Some are aggressive and let it be known what they want, but an overwhelming portion of woman want you to be the man and step up with confidence in expressing interest. If they are interested and you make the move they will tend to open up, but they are usually holding back to see if you are confident and interested. Dating is about learning how to chase and be confident in what you want. (I don't mean in a creepy take what I want way, but putting in actual effort to pursue them in a good manner)
paulson games wrote: Could also be that she's into the same subject and wants to talk about it, won't know until your into the conversation.
Well, she already knows what I work on, and I know what she works on, and it is completely different. She is working on a model to predict how much noise a wind turbine will create, and I am working on graph theory. We had talked about it before, and graph theory unsurprisingly did not interest her too much.
Yeah, but remember it was not about making a first move. We used to be eating together after every climbing session (after I asked her if she wanted to), before she stopped, saying it was because she had to write an article, and generally gave me the impression she was not interested in talking with me anymore.
paulson games wrote: Could also be that she's into the same subject and wants to talk about it, won't know until your into the conversation.
Well, she already knows what I work on, and I know what she works on, and it is completely different. She is working on a model to predict how much noise a wind turbine will create, and I am working on graph theory. We had talked about it before, and graph theory unsurprisingly did not interest her too much.
Yeah, but remember it was not about making a first move. We used to be eating together after every climbing session (after I asked her if she wanted to), before she stopped, saying it was because she had to write an article, and generally gave me the impression she was not interested in talking with me anymore.
If she was a friend who asked you the same thing would you overanalyze it this much? Seriously.
Know whats frustrating? Having more options at once than you have ever had at any point in your life, ever.
Know whats even more frustrating? Not wanting most of those options, and not wanting to take the options you do want because those options are your friends exes.
Even more frustrating than that? Being the reason why several of those options are no longer in their relationships with your friends.
chaos0xomega wrote: Know whats frustrating? Having more options at once than you have ever had at any point in your life, ever.
Know whats even more frustrating? Not wanting most of those options, and not wanting to take the options you do want because those options are your friends exes.
Even more frustrating than that? Being the reason why several of those options are no longer in their relationships with your friends.
FML.
Feeling sorry for yourself won't help. Are all these really options you're surrounded by? Or are you counting every single girl you know? Because if you aren't interested in them, or they aren't in you, then they're not really options. Are any expressing clear interest? Just knowing them and their being single doesn't necessarily mean they are an option. Secondly, unless there's bad feeling between certain people, then I don't see why someone should rule out going out with a friend's ex. It's always a 'hilarious' no-no in sitcoms, but Ive found people to be a bit more relaxed in real life, unless there's a particular dispute ongoing. Who do you actually like that you know? And be proactive about approaching them instead of focusing on a number of possible relationships you don't even want.
Long and the short of it is that over the past few weeks several girls I know have made clear come ons to me and/or asked me if I wanted to hook up. In one case the girl (who is kind of nuts) told me that she had developed feelings for me right after she broke up with her BF, another mentioned that due to all the time she was spending hanging out with me she realized that her BF wasn't fulfilling her needs, etc. because he was never around/preferred sitting home alone to going out to concerts/movies/dinner/socializing in general.
I think its the beard, which has grown more glorious with each passing day (also I've started using a special shampoo, as well as beard oil and wax to better maintain it, its so thick and luxurious now lol).
In any case I have two rules that I will never break (again):
1. Don't sleep with/date people you became friends with prior to having any romantic interest in, particularly close friends that are within your circle of friends. Been there, ruined what were really good friendships, and I'm necessarily talking about the friendship with the girl I dated, but rather our mutual friends. In this case most of the girls who've recently broken up made this exact mistake by dating guys within their circle of friends and while not all of thsoe friendships are now ruined (because the breakups were amicable/mutual) it has made certain social interactions awkward/more complex than they need to be (either her or her ex will refuse to attend gatherings/parties/events where the other will be in attendance and there is just a general increase in time-conflicts when it comes to hanging out within the various circles I frequent which means the rest of us have to perform a balancing act when it comes to what things we do with one or the other so that it doesn't look like we're picking favorites, etc.).
2. Don't sleep with/date a friends ex. Some people don't care. Other people do. Some people will lose their gak if you even so much as think about it. Others won't. There really is no real way to safely figure that out without risking hurt feelings. And just like with rule 1, it goes beyond the person whos ex it is, rarely is a friend an isolated individual. Most social interaction occurs within a circle or circles of social groups with various relationships between their relevant members. Hooking up with a friends ex also risks the ire of your other friends within said cirlce, even if the person whos ex it is turns out to be okay with it.
I've broken both of those rules before, and the outcome was predictable, unfortunate, and would have been entirely avoided if I simply hadn't broken said rules. There really wasnt much to gain by breaking them that I couldn't have found elsewhere, meanwhile there was everything to lose.
Moreover I've watched more than a few of my friends who don't live by these same rules suffer the consequences as a result, both in the past and as a consequence of recent events. Simply put, it aint worth it.
I just realized that my friend was giving me horrible bad advice.
He was saying you cant be nice to girls you want to feth, but you have to talk down to them and be an donkey-cave, not sweet talk
God Im glad I didnt follow that.
No, he just gave me that advice. So now I realize that all advice he have been giving me is bad.
Just like his advice to not go to class and find someone to do your work for you.
I think the misconception is that some guys can get away with being jerks because they're better looking. Even then a lot of those guys i realized tend to shoot lower and for girls that are often crappy choices themselves though you might not realize it. Perhaps even if they get good looking women they're all the worst types of good looking women. You get what you give i guess. Don't worry though as most women dump them fairly quick. I suppose that suits their ego of not being held down by a woman but they probably won't have a lasting meaningful relationship.
You shouldn't be like those people anyway though. I used to live with one. Total douche that stole, drank and drove, escaped responsibility, lied constantly, cheated on one of his exes and with his best friend's ex (though supposedly his best friend was cheating on her too also with friends like that who needs enemies) and was in general a terrible person.
Hold on, 'don't go to class, get someone else to do your work for you' didn't ring any alarm bells? It took them suggesting that you purposefully mistreat other people to make you think that there might be something a little suspect about his 'advice'?
I don't know about you, but if someone acts like a jerk, I tend to draw the conclusion that they are a jerk and go somewhere else. It does not seem logical to fawn over them.
Ashiraya wrote: I don't know about you, but if someone acts like a jerk, I tend to draw the conclusion that they are a jerk and go somewhere else. It does not seem logical to fawn over them.
But evolutionary psychology (which is totally a Real Science and not just a way to justify all my existing beliefs) says that women are wired to respond to insults with sex! It's guaranteed to work, just buy my proven system for only $19.99!
hotsauceman1 wrote: I just realized that my friend was giving me horrible bad advice. He was saying you cant be nice to girls you want to feth, but you have to talk down to them and be an donkey-cave, not sweet talk God Im glad I didnt follow that.
Sounds like he learned from that moron "pickup coach" Julien Blanc.
Google him if you haven't heard of him. He is NOT a nice guy.
Easy E wrote: If she was a friend who asked you the same thing would you overanalyze it this much? Seriously.
No. On the other hand, I have friends, and I have had some for as long as I can remember. If I never had any, I certainly would be much more anxious about, well, most social interactions. I completely realize that my questions are something an anxious 14 years old would ask, rather than a confident 27 years old. And that does make me feel maladjusted.
I feel lost, I have no idea what I am doing right, what I am doing wrong. I feel like I will stay single all my life, and I feel like a freak.
That is why I am overthinking and asking stupid questions here and all that. Which is stupid because none of you knows me personally, and know the people I am talking about, but somehow I cannot manage to open myself about all this to people without hiding behind a username.
hotsauceman1 wrote: No, he just gave me that advice. So now I realize that all advice he have been giving me is bad.
Just like his advice to not go to class and find someone to do your work for you.
Be prepared to laugh at him in maybe 5 or so years if you haven't lost contact completely by then.
hotsauceman1 wrote: No, he just gave me that advice. So now I realize that all advice he have been giving me is bad.
Just like his advice to not go to class and find someone to do your work for you.
Be prepared to laugh at him in maybe 5 or so years if you haven't lost contact completely by then.
oh another piece of good advice, don't try and pursue two sisters at once.
I mean it ended pretty well for me (not as well as I'd hoped but, there was still a positive outcome)
hotsauceman1 wrote: No, he just gave me that advice. So now I realize that all advice he have been giving me is bad.
Just like his advice to not go to class and find someone to do your work for you.
Be prepared to laugh at him in maybe 5 or so years if you haven't lost contact completely by then.
oh another piece of good advice, don't try and pursue two sisters at once.
I mean it ended pretty well for me (not as well as I'd hoped but, there was still a positive outcome)
Aimed for a threesome, but still managed to bag one?
hotsauceman1 wrote: No, he just gave me that advice. So now I realize that all advice he have been giving me is bad.
Just like his advice to not go to class and find someone to do your work for you.
Be prepared to laugh at him in maybe 5 or so years if you haven't lost contact completely by then.
oh another piece of good advice, don't try and pursue two sisters at once.
I mean it ended pretty well for me (not as well as I'd hoped but, there was still a positive outcome)
Aimed for a threesome, but still managed to bag one?
Exactly
(saw the other naked in photo form but yeah...not recommended though) lol
Easy E wrote: If she was a friend who asked you the same thing would you overanalyze it this much? Seriously.
No. On the other hand, I have friends, and I have had some for as long as I can remember. If I never had any, I certainly would be much more anxious about, well, most social interactions. I completely realize that my questions are something an anxious 14 years old would ask, rather than a confident 27 years old. And that does make me feel maladjusted.
I feel lost, I have no idea what I am doing right, what I am doing wrong. I feel like I will stay single all my life, and I feel like a freak.
That is why I am overthinking and asking stupid questions here and all that. Which is stupid because none of you knows me personally, and know the people I am talking about, but somehow I cannot manage to open myself about all this to people without hiding behind a username.
Sorry, Hybrid I don't want to come off to harsh. I can understand why you are a bit bent out of shape and just trying to figure it all out. Since you are 27, I don't want to see you make a 14 year old mistake and try to "force" something to happen.
The real trick is that you have to learn how to ask questions in a way that are open ended, and do not logically have yes or no answers. It is a skill that you develop. Generally, your interactions should have follow a question"funnel".
At the top is Open Ended Questions that people actually need to use words to answer. You don;t ask a yes/no question at this stage. You are still trying to create an opportunity to chat and the best way to do that is by asking open ended questions.
Then, you have to genuinely listen to their answer, because what they say in their answers will allow you to ask more questions and prolong the conversation. When it is time to move to asking for the date, you ask questions that only need short answers, but are not Yes/No. Something like this time/that time, this day/that day. this activity/that activity.
When, they confirm one of the choices, you simply state the details and you have reached the bottom of the Funnel.
Example:
Hybrid: "My PhD Defense? Sure, what did you want to know about it?"
Her: "How did it go?"
Hybrid: "I would love to tell you more about it. I'm busy now, but let's get together either Wed or Thursday around 7ish at Blank Place and we can talk more there. So which day works better Wed or Thursday?"
Her: "Yeah, neither of those days work for me?"
Hybrid: "Okay well. I'm pretty busy too so I guess either of those days next week can work for me too? You?"
Her: "Yeah, Wednesday I guess."
Hybrid: "Cool, I'll fill you in on my PhD defense then. I got to run so see you then."
I must say, it feels a little odd to be back in the dating game. It's been 5 months, which simultaneously feels like both a long time and a short time. I actually don't know if I can be bothered with it at the moment. That might just be because I have man-flu though. I guess we'll see...
Automatically Appended Next Post: Wow, this thread will be a year old at the end of next month! Crazy.
Easy E wrote: Since you are 27, I don't want to see you make a 14 year old mistake and try to "force" something to happen.
Thanks. But when in doubt about if doing something is appropriate, I always take the more conservative option of not doing it. And I am very often in doubt. If I was surprised that she started a conversation, it is precisely because after she stopped taking lunch with me after climbing, I got the impression that she was not interested in interacting with me anymore. So I stopped too.
Easy E wrote: Example:
Hybrid: "My PhD Defense? Sure, what did you want to know about it?"
Her: "How did it go?"
Hybrid: "I would love to tell you more about it. I'm busy now, but let's get together either Wed or Thursday around 7ish at Blank Place and we can talk more there. So which day works better Wed or Thursday?"
Her: "Yeah, neither of those days work for me?"
Hybrid: "Okay well. I'm pretty busy too so I guess either of those days next week can work for me too? You?"
Her: "Yeah, Wednesday I guess."
Hybrid: "Cool, I'll fill you in on my PhD defense then. I got to run so see you then."
Pretty straight forward.
Ah, sadly because of where we live (remote suburbs of Paris, very stupid place to put all the academic stuff if you are asking me), there is no place we can meet at easily, and since she does not even have time/want to see me for lunch just after climbing, when we eat at a place that is literally on the path between the climbing gym and her lab, I doubt I would get a positive answer for that. Maybe during the week-end?
Thank you anyway, I will keep this advice in mind for later (and I do remember it from the previous time you mentioned it itt too . Just not at the right time!).
In the actual discussion, I only answered that I had not had my defense yet, asked her about her article (she has had no positive result yet, so no article for the moment) and then said “See you on Friday then”.
Me? Or her?
I could not even tell you if I sounded casual, uninterested or desperate . I think I sounded more casual or uninterested, but… well, I am hardly sure of anything.
Also apparently getting a date with a nice mathematician/statistician from OkCupid, at the geekiest bar in Paris. She was supposed to send me pictures of her Zoidberg cosplay, but she said it would be easier to show to me directly if we met in person .
I should better warm up my oral English till then .
Hybrid Son Of Oxayotl wrote: Also apparently getting a date with a nice mathematician/statistician from OkCupid, at the geekiest bar in Paris. She was supposed to send me pictures of her Zoidberg cosplay, but she said it would be easier to show to me directly if we met in person .
I should better warm up my oral English till then .
If all else fails, hit her with Euler's Identity. That thing is so beautiful...
stanman wrote: Have you ever just said: I'm not that good at this stuff but do you want to go out on a date sometime?
No. I am not sure how I would phrase that in French. Or if I should rather phrase it in English.
That is not going to be easy, but maybe I should try to do this.
Automatically Appended Next Post:
A Town Called Malus wrote: If all else fails, hit her with Euler's Identity. That thing is so beautiful...
Not sure how much she cares about complex numbers, as a statistician. Her profile states she likes the Kullback–Leibler divergence. I need to warm up my statistics .
Hybrid Son Of Oxayotl wrote: Also apparently getting a date with a nice mathematician/statistician from OkCupid, at the geekiest bar in Paris. She was supposed to send me pictures of her Zoidberg cosplay, but she said it would be easier to show to me directly if we met in person .
I should better warm up my oral English till then .
Why don't you just go with that one? I mean the other one doesn't seem that interested in my eyes. If you want something a lot you would show interest. It's not like somebody is going to act bored if they really wanted you. They might even show it in their speech and actions.
A Town Called Malus wrote: If all else fails, hit her with Euler's Identity. That thing is so beautiful...
Not sure how much she cares about complex numbers, as a statistician. Her profile states she likes the Kullback–Leibler divergence. I need to warm up my statistics .
Even statisticians should be able to appreciate the beauty in a single formula which links e, pi and i together
stanman wrote: Have you ever just said: I'm not that good at this stuff but do you want to go out on a date sometime?
No. I am not sure how I would phrase that in French. Or if I should rather phrase it in English.
That is not going to be easy, but maybe I should try to do this.
The only part that isn't easy is what you create in your mind. Making mole hills into mountains. Meaning that you are overthinking it so much that it becomes a giant impassible mountain when in reality it's a tiny bump. It is like ripping off a small bandage it only hurts for a second and then you are relieved.
Je suis terrible à poser ce genre de questions. Voulez-vous aller à une date?
I have not even met her in person yet, is it not a bit early to consider I should just focus on her and forget everyone else?
stanman wrote: The only part that isn't easy is what you create in your mind. Making mole hills into mountains.
Yeah, and I am very good at doing this . Just because I know they are on my mind is not enough to overcome them…
stanman wrote: Je suis terrible à poser ce genre de questions. Voulez-vous aller à une date?
She does not speak perfect French yet, but if I said that she would certainly recognize some terrible, terrible translation from English . I mean, was that Google Translate? If so, it is worse than I would have though.
I have not even met her in person yet, is it not a bit early to consider I should just focus on her and forget everyone else?
stanman wrote: The only part that isn't easy is what you create in your mind. Making mole hills into mountains.
Yeah, and I am very good at doing this . Just because I know they are on my mind is not enough to overcome them…
stanman wrote: Je suis terrible à poser ce genre de questions. Voulez-vous aller à une date?
She does not speak perfect French yet, but if I said that she would certainly recognize some terrible, terrible translation from English . I mean, was that Google Translate? If so, it is worse than I would have though.
Well how many options do you have? I mean there's this girl and the girl that didn't really talk to you that much for like a month. Personally this one seems more interested.
And to find a good equivalent to the word date too. Because in French date does not have this meaning. I guess maybe the expression “sortir ensemble” could do. But she might miss the romantic meaning of the expression.
Well, problem solved .
I am going to look very, very stupid, but it is okay. I learned today that she is married . By asking her what she did for the holidays. I had heard quite a bit about her cat before, but never about her husband . Now, I know this means my whole approach until now must have been very, very bad, but at least now when I will overthink about whether or not I am annoying her, I will do so only about friendship. And as I explained, I have a much more laid-back approach toward overanalyzing whether or not people wants to be friend with me! (… yeah, I know I am overanalyzing a lot of things.)
Breaking the ice seems to be one of the harder parts. Once you've talked with the person it should get much easier. That said asking them out is another somewhat rough step.
Hybrid Son Of Oxayotl wrote: Well, problem solved .
I am going to look very, very stupid, but it is okay. I learned today that she is married . By asking her what she did for the holidays. I had heard quite a bit about her cat before, but never about her husband . Now, I know this means my whole approach until now must have been very, very bad, but at least now when I will overthink about whether or not I am annoying her, I will do so only about friendship. And as I explained, I have a much more laid-back approach toward overanalyzing whether or not people wants to be friend with me! (… yeah, I know I am overanalyzing a lot of things.)
What was she doing on okcupid if shes married!??? Ugh, dont answer that question, I've seen my friends girlfriends/significant others on both OKC and Tinder while they were in relationships, I dont fuckin understand it.
Hybrid Son Of Oxayotl wrote: Well, problem solved .
I am going to look very, very stupid, but it is okay. I learned today that she is married . By asking her what she did for the holidays. I had heard quite a bit about her cat before, but never about her husband . Now, I know this means my whole approach until now must have been very, very bad, but at least now when I will overthink about whether or not I am annoying her, I will do so only about friendship. And as I explained, I have a much more laid-back approach toward overanalyzing whether or not people wants to be friend with me! (… yeah, I know I am overanalyzing a lot of things.)
What was she doing on okcupid if shes married!??? Ugh, dont answer that question, I've seen my friends girlfriends/significant others on both OKC and Tinder while they were in relationships, I dont fuckin understand it.
I don't he meant that chick mate.
In other news: The Unsinkable Albatross has the blues. Seriously, I'm staying in on a friday night, listening to Alicia Keys right now!
Hybrid Son Of Oxayotl wrote: In other news: The Unsinkable Albatross has the blues. Seriously, I'm staying in on a friday night, listening to Alicia Keys right now!
Hybrid Son Of Oxayotl wrote: In other news: The Unsinkable Albatross has the blues. Seriously, I'm staying in on a friday night, listening to Alicia Keys right now!
It’s OK to take some time to relax by yourself. Don’t think you need to be out there every weekend, working the scene, trying for a date. Sit back, pour yourself a beverage, and read a book or watch a movie. Recharge your batteries.
Compel wrote: Night out every weekend? Pfffft. I think last year I had a night out about 7 times.
And that felt like me being busy.
Define "night out". I had about two gaming nights last year (one very early last year, the other on the 29th of December ) and that was about it. Gotta love anxiety! *Scoffs another handful of Propanolol*
I live right next door to an art college. So I everyday I have a few girls walk into my room while I am working. Though I would rather be talking. My work takes precedence...
Define "night out". I had about two gaming nights last year (one very early last year, the other on the 29th of December ) and that was about it. Gotta love anxiety! *Scoffs another handful of Propanolol*
Night out as in, 'general social event / gathering where, if not the aim, of the night out, but at least, meeting women would not be against the evenings original intention. Usually involving a pub or four.'
Whereas, a night out gaming, would generally involve mostly gaming.
Reading this thread, I'm seeing a lot of conjecture and/or over-complications with very basic human interactions that are turning mole-hills into mountains. Asking someone out on a date is really that easy. You ask them out on a date. Even with all the extraneous circumstances (IE excuses to yourself), it's simply a matter of grabbing your courage (liquid or otherwise) and asking the question.
Yes, you can ask anyone out. I've asked a very attractive college-aged woman out who was working the cashier line at Chipotle without knowing her name. I found out her name in the ensuing text-messaging and date that followed. Turns out she was a fashion design major and we didn't really hit it off personality wise, but hey, we had fun, and when I dropped her off at her apartment the next morning we both decided it be best to be a one time thing. Lots of examples of this, and I'm not Brad Pitt on the attraction scale.
If there's someone who'd like a real life example of something like this happening and recorded in text, I can provide it. It's the Facebook messages my now-wife and I traded when I first met her and attempted to get her to go on a single date with me. She avoided the subject for three months because she knew of my reputation within our organization, and I framed it for her birthday gift. If not, no biggie, but refer to paragraph one and two. The day I accepted that for what it was, was the day dating became much, much, much easier.
Hybrid: "My PhD Defense? Sure, what did you want to know about it?"
Her: "How did it go?"
Hybrid: "I would love to tell you more about it. I'm busy now, but let's get together either Wed or Thursday around 7ish at Blank Place and we can talk more there. So which day works better Wed or Thursday?"
Her: "Yeah, neither of those days work for me?"
Hybrid: "Okay well. I'm pretty busy too so I guess either of those days next week can work for me too? You?"
Her: "Yeah, Wednesday I guess."
Hybrid: "Cool, I'll fill you in on my PhD defense then. I got to run so see you then."
Pretty straight forward.
The thought process behind it is good, not the execution. Never give a closed option when it comes to a recreational date. What I mean by this, is, in the example, you are railroading them into a date where the only out (should they want one) for them is a very uncomfortable 'no', or an equally uncomfortable and non-committal ' ... I guess.'
Presumably, it'd might go over smoother like this:
Hybrid: "My PhD Defense? Sure, what did you want to know about it?"
Her: "How did it go?"
Hybrid: "I would love to tell you more about it. Abridged version now or maybe something more in depth over drinks sometime?"
Her: A: "I'll take the abridged version"
B: "Drinks sound great, when works for you?"
C: Another reply.
Hybrid: If A: "Abridged version."
If B: "I've got the weekend free. You?"
If C: Another reply
Her: If B: "Weekend works for me."
Hybrid: If B: "Awesome. Since we've ate at restaurant x (x being the place between the lab and the climbing), I was thinking something new. I can call/text you the details later?"
As usual, you are right. I am meeting the woman from OkCupid on the 20th. In Paris geekiest bar .
andbreak wrote: Asking someone out on a date is really that easy. You ask them out on a date. Even with all the extraneous circumstances (IE excuses to yourself), it's simply a matter of grabbing your courage (liquid or otherwise) and asking the question.
Hybrid Son Of Oxayotl wrote: Well, problem solved . I am going to look very, very stupid, but it is okay. I learned today that she is married . By asking her what she did for the holidays. I had heard quite a bit about her cat before, but never about her husband . Now, I know this means my whole approach until now must have been very, very bad, but at least now when I will overthink about whether or not I am annoying her, I will do so only about friendship. And as I explained, I have a much more laid-back approach toward overanalyzing whether or not people wants to be friend with me! (… yeah, I know I am overanalyzing a lot of things.)
What was she doing on okcupid if shes married!??? Ugh, dont answer that question, I've seen my friends girlfriends/significant others on both OKC and Tinder while they were in relationships, I dont fuckin understand it.
I don't he meant that chick mate.
In other news: The Unsinkable Albatross has the blues. Seriously, I'm staying in on a friday night, listening to Alicia Keys right now!
To be honest so am i. Even though on the same hall, there is a massive dorm party. Im just not feeling good after a long day spent in a lonely movie theater by myself, and im fighting off a cold.
To be honest so am i. Even though on the same hall, there is a massive dorm party. Im just not feeling good after a long day spent in a lonely movie theater by myself, and im fighting off a cold.
I'm still considering trying to get you banned for the night so you go do something with people...
Haha, Considering this i actually my first night NOT hanging with friends.
Besides, all the girls there I hate or have a BF.
I mean, when alchohol smells horrible and is making me ick to my stomach.
Well, I guess I'll let it slide. I've felt like hell today myself. I did something curry related with pork and veggies yesterday that was delicious, but I fear that I might not have the fortitude save for it.
As usual, you are right. I am meeting the woman from OkCupid on the 20th. In Paris geekiest bar .
andbreak wrote: Asking someone out on a date is really that easy. You ask them out on a date. Even with all the extraneous circumstances (IE excuses to yourself), it's simply a matter of grabbing your courage (liquid or otherwise) and asking the question.
Grabbing one's courage is not easy.
See there ya go. That sounds like a really good one. Go for it and wear protection (btw don't freak out i said that i was sorta joking). Just take it a step at a time and play it cool. She sounds like she might be interested.
hotsauceman1 wrote: Haha, Considering this i actually my first night NOT hanging with friends.
Besides, all the girls there I hate or have a BF.
I mean, when alchohol smells horrible and is making me ick to my stomach.
I understand that being sick sucks and is valid but you are still making excuses. I mean how long until the next party? Just give it a shot for a little bit. Maybe a girl you don't know is there will be there.
Also on the bit with the girls with boyfriends maybe some of them are in the exiting stage in their relationship. You never know if they're getting sick of their boyfriend or not.
I understand that being sick sucks and is valid but you are still making excuses. I mean how long until the next party? Just give it a shot for a little bit. Maybe a girl you don't know is there will be there.
Also on the bit with the girls with boyfriends maybe some of them are in the exiting stage in their relationship. You never know if they're getting sick of their boyfriend or not.
*Looks at Watch* Maybe tonight......
Although next week is rush week and I will be going to parties then.
And I mean so sick I was sniffling with an upset stomach. I go to parties all the time here and this was the first where the music hurt my head
n0t_u wrote: Parties aren't always the best place to meet anyways.
It's not like he's going to a club or a bar. I'm fairly certain only d**ches and d**chettes frequent those places.
It's true, we do.
You should join us. We're having fun.
I'm just saying it as i've heard. Clubs are mainly a drugging up, dancing and sexing up place to go to not a place for a stable relationship.
What about that doesn't sound fun? Have you never been to a club or a bar, then?
Don't get me wrong the sex sounds good but i'm not really into drugs or booze. I know too many that have ruined their lives one or the other. I'm not really much of a dancer either.
I did the whole 'booze, drugs, dancing' thing last night. Fit girls everywhere. Didn't get in 'til 8am. I love living in the city, man. It's fething awesome. I honestly can't understand people who aren't into that sort of thing.
I DID wake up feeling like a tramp slept in my mouth though, so there's that I suppose.
Albatross wrote: I did the whole 'booze, drugs, dancing' thing last night. Fit girls everywhere. Didn't get in 'til 8am. I love living in the city, man. It's fething awesome. I honestly can't understand people who aren't into that sort of thing.
I DID wake up feeling like a tramp slept in my mouth though, so there's that I suppose.
Biggest problem I have with it is that the best way to get the taste of booze, drugs and dancing out of your mouth I found is more booze, drugs, and dancing.
Albatross wrote: I did the whole 'booze, drugs, dancing' thing last night. Fit girls everywhere. Didn't get in 'til 8am. I love living in the city, man. It's fething awesome. I honestly can't understand people who aren't into that sort of thing.
I DID wake up feeling like a tramp slept in my mouth though, so there's that I suppose.
I can't understand people who are into that, but different strokes for different folks, I guess.
I'll take staying in with a book and a cup of tea over a night on the town any day.
Albatross wrote: I did the whole 'booze, drugs, dancing' thing last night. Fit girls everywhere. Didn't get in 'til 8am. I love living in the city, man. It's fething awesome. I honestly can't understand people who aren't into that sort of thing.
I DID wake up feeling like a tramp slept in my mouth though, so there's that I suppose.
I can't understand people who are into that, but different strokes for different folks, I guess.
I'll take staying in with a book and a cup of tea over a night on the town any day.
Albatross wrote: I did the whole 'booze, drugs, dancing' thing last night. Fit girls everywhere. Didn't get in 'til 8am. I love living in the city, man. It's fething awesome. I honestly can't understand people who aren't into that sort of thing.
I DID wake up feeling like a tramp slept in my mouth though, so there's that I suppose.
I can't understand people who are into that, but different strokes for different folks, I guess.
I'll take staying in with a book and a cup of tea over a night on the town any day.
Dancing is fun,
indeed, double the fun when drunk, the only drawbacks are that you will feel like morning after and some inconvenient situations are bound to happen(this happened to me on the new year in a night club)
i see a really beautiful girl, i use some of the typical openers,started talking about slayer since she had their t-shirt and i love them as well
after some time we make out
notice she had pierced tongue(my stomach turns)
I ask her WTF is on your tongue?
she smiles, says: piercing you like it?
i smile and say cool, even though i had to contain myself from not throwing up
she leans to me, and we make out again, then i get up, get out of her sight, and throw up in the toilet, ruining my Slayer T-shirt in the process...
Worst part? My friend has all of that recorded.
daedalus wrote: Wears you out kind of, but maybe I just got old.
I was born old, on that regard .
Albatross wrote: I don't particularly like piercings but that's kind of a strong reaction, dude.
Well, drinking too much and therefore throwing out? That seems standard procedure to me . Never did drink nearly enough myself, but I still went through college (well, our French somewhat equivalent of college) .
Albatross wrote: I don't particularly like piercings but that's kind of a strong reaction, dude.
yes, a bit strong altough the fact i was really smashed up didn't help either...
I remember hearing a chris rock joke that goes something like "If you meet a woman with her tongue pierced she'll suck your d*ck. If you meet a man with his tongue pierced he'll suck your d*ck."
Albatross wrote: I don't particularly like piercings but that's kind of a strong reaction, dude.
yes, a bit strong altough the fact i was really smashed up didn't help either...
I remember hearing a chris rock joke that goes something like "If you meet a woman with her tongue pierced she'll suck your d*ck. If you meet a man with his tongue pierced he'll suck your d*ck."
Hybrid Son Of Oxayotl wrote: Just show it is a bad place for stable relationships regardless of if you are male or female !
(Just kidding, no offense intended )
I would dare to say it was pretty stable relationship, until i cheated on her and she of course found out, meaning it was MINE FAULT ONLY.(but yeah, in clubs you are MOSTLY gonna get laid for a night and forget everything the morning after, but there is always a chance )
@Rainbow dash: OK, good to know, but still... NOPE (atleast not for now)
Hybrid Son Of Oxayotl wrote: Just show it is a bad place for stable relationships regardless of if you are male or female !
(Just kidding, no offense intended )
I would dare to say it was pretty stable relationship, until i cheated on her and she of course found out, meaning it was MINE FAULT ONLY.(but yeah, in clubs you are MOSTLY gonna get laid for a night and forget everything the morning after, but there is always a chance )
@Rainbow dash: OK, good to know, but still... NOPE (atleast not for now)
Men are far easier to... get with... but are much more aggressive, I don't like that... I want to be like talked to nicely and such.
They ought to at least pretend they care about me or ask my name.
God
Rainbow Dash wrote: They ought to at least pretend they care about me or ask my name.
They're only looking for sex, which is fine, but I am not and it's clearly indicated on the profile I was not...
I mean, gay or straight, men seem to do that...I donno, men are still men lol.
Turnso out all my friends advice have been just for hookups and gak like that. He keeps saying that what he wants me to get is booty, not anything like a girlfriend because according to him those are no fun
hotsauceman1 wrote: Turnso out all my friends advice have been just for hookups and gak like that. He keeps saying that what he wants me to get is booty, not anything like a girlfriend because according to him those are no fun
I'd disagree, but you're, what, 21? 22? You have some time to feth around, man. LIVE A LITTLE.
I'm not sure that is me. But I decided not to rush and join the flats because of that (and the acceptance stuff is happening this weekend and I have to be out of town for stuff)
Rainbow Dash wrote: I mean, gay or straight, men seem to do that...I donno, men are still men lol.
Meh. Currently talking with a Mexican woman on OkCupid where it seems to be the opposite. Not “I do not want to know your name”-level, of course, but according to her answers on the OkCupid matching system, she is looking for sex more than a relationship. Examples:
Spoiler:
OkCupid: Regardless of future plans, what's more interesting to you right now? Sex or Love - her: Sex I don't think I'm in the right head space to even begin to think about a relationship - me: Love
OkCupid: Say you've started seeing someone you really like. As far as you're concerned, how long will it take before you have sex? (1-2 dates, 3-5 dates, 6 or more dates, Only after the wedding) - her: 1-2 dates - me: 6 or more dates
Would you consider sleeping with someone on the first date? - her: Yes - me: No
And the funny thing is, in all those questions, my answers are colored orange, meaning it was not one of the answer she would accept . But so far we had a nice discussion.
hotsauceman1 wrote: Turnso out all my friends advice have been just for hookups and gak like that. He keeps saying that what he wants me to get is booty, not anything like a girlfriend because according to him those are no fun
I'd disagree, but you're, what, 21? 22? You have some time to feth around, man. LIVE A LITTLE.
I know, right? Jesus fething Christ, some of you people sound as though you've given up on life or something! Talking about how clubs aren't the sort of places to meet someone and settle down and gak. Hoo boy.
KNOCK THAT OFF RIGHT NOW. Do not make the goal of dating 'to find a stable relationship'. I don't know where that stuff comes from, but I reckon it's from one of two places, either:
You have heard a lot of women say it on TV and in bad films and gone 'well, if that's what women are looking for, that's what I'll do - I'll be what every women is looking for: Stability.'
Wrong! You lose! Women just say that gak. What most women actually want is what most people want, and that's stability, yes, but punctuated by periods of excitement. The tricky part is that some people like differing amounts of excitement, and people have differing ideas about what is exciting. So basically you can't really predict what a woman will want romantically until you get to know them, so stop trying.
So, yeah, it's that or:
Dear god, I'm so alone. Please let just one woman find me attractive or interesting. Just one. I'll never let that person go. I'll do whatever it takes to keep them.
Woah there. Just... Woah. Another person is not the answer to whatever is troubling you.
I debated whether or not to post this, actually. It comes off a little mean, but that's not my intention. I'm not even saying that you all (young inexperienced men looking for stable relationships) consciously think this, but I think deep down, that's the primary driver behind wanting a stable relationship. It always seems (and this is just anecdotal) to be guys who have difficulty meeting people who say that's what they're looking for. Guys who have a bit more experience in that field usually say something like 'I'm looking to meet someone and just see where it goes.' That's healthy, and is the answer least likely to freak out a prospective date. You won't be alone forever if you just relax. It's just a matter of time and leaving your comfort zone gradually, trying new things and enjoying the process.
Guys, seriously. Get out there and have some fun. You don't want to go out to bar full of douches (like me)? Cool, whatever, go to a rock club with some mates. Go to a gig. Have a few drinks, make some mistakes. Chat up some girls. Rip the piss out of each other when you get shot down in flames by one of them. Laugh.
The mexican lady asked me if I wanted to meet her for a coffee in Paris. You bet I want .
Albatross wrote: You don't want to go out to bar full of douches (like me)?
Do not get me wrong, the problem with clubs is not the people in them. The problem is mainly music too loud to hear each other, and that I do not like dancing. That is just my personal taste, no judgment involved. I have no problems with bars though.
hotsauceman1 wrote: Turnso out all my friends advice have been just for hookups and gak like that. He keeps saying that what he wants me to get is booty, not anything like a girlfriend because according to him those are no fun
I'd disagree, but you're, what, 21? 22? You have some time to feth around, man. LIVE A LITTLE.
I know, right? Jesus fething Christ, some of you people sound as though you've given up on life or something! Talking about how clubs aren't the sort of places to meet someone and settle down and gak. Hoo boy.
KNOCK THAT OFF RIGHT NOW. Do not make the goal of dating 'to find a stable relationship'. I don't know where that stuff comes from, but I reckon it's from one of two places, either: You have heard a lot of women say it on TV and in bad films and gone 'well, if that's what women are looking for, that's what I'll do - I'll be what every women is looking for: Stability.'
Wrong! You lose! Women just say that gak. What most women actually want is what most people want, and that's stability, yes, but punctuated by periods of excitement. The tricky part is that some people like differing amounts of excitement, and people have differing ideas about what is exciting. So basically you can't really predict what a woman will want romantically until you get to know them, so stop trying.
So, yeah, it's that or: Dear god, I'm so alone. Please let just one woman find me attractive or interesting. Just one. I'll never let that person go. I'll do whatever it takes to keep them.
Woah there. Just... Woah. Another person is not the answer to whatever is troubling you.
I debated whether or not to post this, actually. It comes off a little mean, but that's not my intention. I'm not even saying that you all (young inexperienced men looking for stable relationships) consciously think this, but I think deep down, that's the primary driver behind wanting a stable relationship. It always seems (and this is just anecdotal) to be guys who have difficulty meeting people who say that's what they're looking for. Guys who have a bit more experience in that field usually say something like 'I'm looking to meet someone and just see where it goes.' That's healthy, and is the answer least likely to freak out a prospective date. You won't be alone forever if you just relax. It's just a matter of time and leaving your comfort zone gradually, trying new things and enjoying the process.
Guys, seriously. Get out there and have some fun. You don't want to go out to bar full of douches (like me)? Cool, whatever, go to a rock club with some mates. Go to a gig. Have a few drinks, make some mistakes. Chat up some girls. Rip the piss out of each other when you get shot down in flames by one of them. Laugh.
Live.
I guess that is true. Maybe I should go out more I guess. I mean I do alot, but sometimes it i with the ame group of people. But that is not to say I dont go out and do things, I just dont have friends that want to go do things with me often. And If I go by myself, the worst part is i jut stop talking and just dance on the floor all night
hotsauceman1 wrote: Turnso out all my friends advice have been just for hookups and gak like that. He keeps saying that what he wants me to get is booty, not anything like a girlfriend because according to him those are no fun
I'd disagree, but you're, what, 21? 22? You have some time to feth around, man. LIVE A LITTLE.
I know, right? Jesus fething Christ, some of you people sound as though you've given up on life or something! Talking about how clubs aren't the sort of places to meet someone and settle down and gak. Hoo boy.
KNOCK THAT OFF RIGHT NOW. Do not make the goal of dating 'to find a stable relationship'. I don't know where that stuff comes from, but I reckon it's from one of two places, either:
You have heard a lot of women say it on TV and in bad films and gone 'well, if that's what women are looking for, that's what I'll do - I'll be what every women is looking for: Stability.'
Wrong! You lose! Women just say that gak. What most women actually want is what most people want, and that's stability, yes, but punctuated by periods of excitement. The tricky part is that some people like differing amounts of excitement, and people have differing ideas about what is exciting. So basically you can't really predict what a woman will want romantically until you get to know them, so stop trying.
So, yeah, it's that or:
Dear god, I'm so alone. Please let just one woman find me attractive or interesting. Just one. I'll never let that person go. I'll do whatever it takes to keep them.
Woah there. Just... Woah. Another person is not the answer to whatever is troubling you.
I debated whether or not to post this, actually. It comes off a little mean, but that's not my intention. I'm not even saying that you all (young inexperienced men looking for stable relationships) consciously think this, but I think deep down, that's the primary driver behind wanting a stable relationship. It always seems (and this is just anecdotal) to be guys who have difficulty meeting people who say that's what they're looking for. Guys who have a bit more experience in that field usually say something like 'I'm looking to meet someone and just see where it goes.' That's healthy, and is the answer least likely to freak out a prospective date. You won't be alone forever if you just relax. It's just a matter of time and leaving your comfort zone gradually, trying new things and enjoying the process.
Guys, seriously. Get out there and have some fun. You don't want to go out to bar full of douches (like me)? Cool, whatever, go to a rock club with some mates. Go to a gig. Have a few drinks, make some mistakes. Chat up some girls. Rip the piss out of each other when you get shot down in flames by one of them. Laugh.
Live.
have an exalt, you couldn't be more right, i don't get what is so scary if a girl feths you off in a rock club? Say to yourself: she will get drunk amd forget about me, then You simply start a chat with another. And stop forcing dates, it will just piss you off because it doesn't work. Dont know how to approach? Use some typical openers, like got(insertsomethinghere) maybe? Then introduce yourself, shake hands and see where it goes. I would like to mention the Tricky part? I have noticed, unless i aproach a girl in a few seconds time after she notices me, you lose surely
@hotsauceman1: wow... perhaps your friends think you are a little odd, having in mind they don't want to go too often with you for weekends?
Talk to them, ask them to go out in some club/bar, or get new friends, since they aren't real friends if they feth you off when you invite them out?
Think of this idea:if you dislike going alone out(i can understand that) and if there is some guy from your FLGS you enjoy playing with get his phone number, call him for a game, after the game, ask himis he in the mood to go out in the night club. If he agrees, join a group of girls, relax and don't force anything. You will find a girl which will likeyou sooner or later. How will you notice does a girl like you? Can't give you a better answer other than trust your instinct, but she will laugh and keep talking if she likes you(if she is not interested, she will probably: tell you to GTFO/keep playing on the cellphone/acting(and failing) like she is interested. If that is the case, go look for another girl
hotsauceman1 wrote: Turnso out all my friends advice have been just for hookups and gak like that. He keeps saying that what he wants me to get is booty, not anything like a girlfriend because according to him those are no fun
I'd disagree, but you're, what, 21? 22? You have some time to feth around, man. LIVE A LITTLE.
I know, right? Jesus fething Christ, some of you people sound as though you've given up on life or something! Talking about how clubs aren't the sort of places to meet someone and settle down and gak. Hoo boy.
KNOCK THAT OFF RIGHT NOW. Do not make the goal of dating 'to find a stable relationship'. I don't know where that stuff comes from, but I reckon it's from one of two places, either:
You have heard a lot of women say it on TV and in bad films and gone 'well, if that's what women are looking for, that's what I'll do - I'll be what every women is looking for: Stability.'
Wrong! You lose! Women just say that gak. What most women actually want is what most people want, and that's stability, yes, but punctuated by periods of excitement. The tricky part is that some people like differing amounts of excitement, and people have differing ideas about what is exciting. So basically you can't really predict what a woman will want romantically until you get to know them, so stop trying.
So, yeah, it's that or:
Dear god, I'm so alone. Please let just one woman find me attractive or interesting. Just one. I'll never let that person go. I'll do whatever it takes to keep them.
Woah there. Just... Woah. Another person is not the answer to whatever is troubling you.
I debated whether or not to post this, actually. It comes off a little mean, but that's not my intention. I'm not even saying that you all (young inexperienced men looking for stable relationships) consciously think this, but I think deep down, that's the primary driver behind wanting a stable relationship. It always seems (and this is just anecdotal) to be guys who have difficulty meeting people who say that's what they're looking for. Guys who have a bit more experience in that field usually say something like 'I'm looking to meet someone and just see where it goes.' That's healthy, and is the answer least likely to freak out a prospective date. You won't be alone forever if you just relax. It's just a matter of time and leaving your comfort zone gradually, trying new things and enjoying the process.
Guys, seriously. Get out there and have some fun. You don't want to go out to bar full of douches (like me)? Cool, whatever, go to a rock club with some mates. Go to a gig. Have a few drinks, make some mistakes. Chat up some girls. Rip the piss out of each other when you get shot down in flames by one of them. Laugh.
Live.
Yes and no. You see i had the most unfortunate happening of meeting a girl i really, really liked. She had everything i ever wanted in a woman. An attractive woman with features, perverted, a nerd, a gamer, enjoyed humor and played even the same faction in warhammer 40k as me. She even mentioned she liked me and i might have a chance with her. I knew her about a year then i screwed up and she stopped talking to me for good. There are some fantastic women out there guys. Sadly for me it didn't work out. Maybe she was just out of my league (as much as people say they don't exist). There's just too many guys that were like her whereas not many girls. Oh and she liked to have fun too. H*ll she was probably right up your alley too albatross. I think she liked parties from time to time and got drunk about one day out of the weekend.
So yeah it sucks when you find somebody that feels perfect and you just lose them. I'd be lying though if i said you were totally wrong though. I am a sad lonely nerd and to an extent have bought into some of what people imagine women want. That said i'm more into not being super good to women i want. I just be myself and if that doesn't work they probably weren't for me. Hopefully there's another perfect girl for me out there but hopefully not so out of reach like the last one.
Next time im out, I will. I dont know why they dont invite me or tell me when something is happening. They call to chill all the time in his room. But never a party. Its mostly because they go to their frat parties and if you arent a brother, you are not invited. And I thinks it because i get annoyed with the constant ribbing they do.
hotsauceman1 wrote: Next time im out, I will. I dont know why they dont invite me or tell me when something is happening. They call to chill all the time in his room. But never a party. Its mostly because they go to their frat parties and if you arent a brother, you are not invited.
Oh well.
if you don't enjoy that kind of parties you are not missing a thing, trust me.
Surely there's various geekery related societies at college? (my university had a science fiction society, for example. And a gaming one, and a roleplaying one and an anime one (not that I went to that) ). - They had pretty high membership too. The science fiction one and, presumably the anime one had a rather impressively high ratio of female members.
hotsauceman1 wrote: KNOCK THAT OFF RIGHT NOW. Do not make the goal of dating 'to find a stable relationship'. I don't know where that stuff comes from, but I reckon it's from one of two places, either:
You have heard a lot of women say it on TV and in bad films and gone 'well, if that's what women are looking for, that's what I'll do - I'll be what every women is looking for: Stability.'
Good post. I think you really hit on something. If something is not right in your life, a relationship will not help it but only make it worse.
I will also echo that what girls want, at first is excitement and mystery so they are not boared. Give them some of that.
All that being said, I don't necessarily agree that Albatross' method of going out and partying it up is the only way to do it. It is simply a way suited to some people, and typically, fit, extroverted people. That isn;t me, so using Albie's strategy for me would not work. I was much more successful when I went out to smaller, intimate gatherings or events. I was able to use my strengths to my advantage, strengths like quick wit, telling stories, asking questions, and listening. I was able to be interesting and exciting by asking people to think, be genuinely interested in what they thought/felt, and then builduing on it. The action dates I would invite them too didn't hurt either.
What I'm trying to say is, make sure you know who you are a bit, what your strengths are, and put yourself in situations where your strengths work to yoru advantage. Then, deliver some excitement and adventure and you are good to go.
Ok, just to make it clear, my goal isn't a stable relationship right off the bat, I know that is dumb but I do not want booty call night after night like my friend said I should do, he sleeps with a different women every night.
Also, that quote is weird.
@Hybrid Son Of Oxayotl: So it seems things worked out for you. I'm happy to hear that.
@Easy E: So excitement and mystery? You're saying i should be some sort of secret agent then? So should i dress up in a tuxedo, fake a british accent and get us out of the house after i rig the house to blow up on a timer? Would that work?
daedalus wrote: Got talked into not being so judgmental about the crazy chick from a few pages ago, and went on another date. She found out where I live as a result of it (indiscretion on my part that won't happen again) and so when I broke it off today, I had someone knocking on my door 20 minutes later. That was a surprise.
Finally got rid of her, but man, I may need a break after that one. Two dates and apparently there was an us I was backing out on...
They have an actual condition or just clingy? Either way it's a good idea if it feels suffocating or too much.
daedalus wrote: Got talked into not being so judgmental about the crazy chick from a few pages ago, and went on another date. She found out where I live as a result of it (indiscretion on my part that won't happen again) and so when I broke it off today, I had someone knocking on my door 20 minutes later. That was a surprise.
Finally got rid of her, but man, I may need a break after that one. Two dates and apparently there was an us I was backing out on...
Yeah i actually didn't want you to date her. I wanted you to merely just understand where she was coming from and tell her what she did wrong so she wouldn't do it again.
I kind of wish there was some girls here that wanted a date but that's a bad idea. Internet plus warhammer and distance to the relationship isn't really good. I say warhammer because let's face it more guys than girls play no matter how much we wish it was more 50/50. Anyway point being there's a horde of guys for every girl and i don't like fighting gladiatorial arena battles with all the guys just to prove to one girl i'm worth it. I'd prefer just a few people to compete against. It's just not worth it.
Anyway i'm waiting for next school semester to start. I figure that's the best plan esp. since my close friends often don't like going out where women might be.
They have an actual condition or just clingy? Either way it's a good idea if it feels suffocating or too much.
No clue. She wouldn't take no for an answer though. Had to shut the door on her. Heh ...after two dates.
If it happens again, I guess I'm going to have to call the police. Not getting a lot of sleep tonight though. At least now I see what happens when I don't go with my gut.
I'm sorry man. I hope i didn't contribute to that bad situation. I just wanted you to see her side a bit. It's really just a sh*tty situation for everybody.
Yeah i actually didn't want you to date her. I wanted you to merely just understand where she was coming from and tell her what she did wrong so she wouldn't do it again.
Not faulting you. Friend of mine reminded me about how cynical and judgmental I was. Told me to be bold and give it a shot. I tried explaining the situation and why I was done, and she tried to argue it with me. Kept begging me not to leave when I went inside.
Yeah i actually didn't want you to date her. I wanted you to merely just understand where she was coming from and tell her what she did wrong so she wouldn't do it again.
Not faulting you. Friend of mine reminded me about how cynical and judgmental I was. Told me to be bold and give it a shot. I tried explaining the situation and why I was done, and she tried to argue it with me. Kept begging me not to leave when I went inside.
I think she was a genuine nutcase.
She must be super lonely with a really sucky life to go to those lengths or possibly you're a real catch but i don't understand how two dates would be enough for that. At least she isn't inflicting self harm or harm to others. I hope she's not one of those.
@daedalus: Just curious how you're a catch though. I don't mean to be rude i'd just like to know. Some people are a little arrogant and some see themselves really badly. Then again you said a little of both rather than a lot so maybe you're just a bit of a catch. It's hard for me to judge without knowing you.
As far as this girl it sounds like she's at a pretty low point. Perhaps you should tell her friends to help her out and to make sure she leaves you alone? Maybe tell her friends to sort of go out with her and wingman (wing-woman?) her?
Hopefully this doesn't make your situation worse. I would like to point out i'm lonely myself and am terrible with the women i tend to go for. Oddly enough i feel like the more a woman isn't interested the more i give a crap only because of perceived worth. Whereas when i know them some turn out to be not too great after all. Guess it's the same way with girls choosing guys. I dunno. Maybe it's a person thing rather than a girl thing.
They have an actual condition or just clingy? Either way it's a good idea if it feels suffocating or too much.
No clue. She wouldn't take no for an answer though. Had to shut the door on her. Heh ...after two dates.
If it happens again, I guess I'm going to have to call the police. Not getting a lot of sleep tonight though. At least now I see what happens when I don't go with my gut.
flamingkillamajig wrote: @Hybrid Son Of Oxayotl: So it seems things worked out for you. I'm happy to hear that.
@Easy E: So excitement and mystery? You're saying i should be some sort of secret agent then? So should i dress up in a tuxedo, fake a british accent and get us out of the house after i rig the house to blow up on a timer? Would that work?
Well, if that's your style. Go for it.
I just liked taking girls out on action dates. You know, dates where you have to do physical things together like dance classes, rock climbing, water fall hunting, star gazing, etc.
I have a bit of a problem... I think I'm fallin for one of those girls I was complainin/frustrated about earlier.
This one in particular is a friends ex, they dated for a few months a couple years ago before breaking it off on mutual terms. He was kind of upset about it at the time, but they remained friends and are currently roommates (along with 3 other good friends of mine). I suspect that he's still somewhat hoping to make something happen there, but I'm not really sure.
Anyway, I can't quite figure out WHY I'm falling for her... I mean, we have this great chemistry, shes fun to hang out with, etc. but I dont know. Shes not at all my type in really any sort of metric. Like, basically my polar opposite in just about every way. I KNOW that anything involving the two of us is destined to crash and burn because we are, or at least shouldn't be, compatible in any sense of the term. Beyond that, I don't find her attractive... yet I am attracted to her. Like, I think she's dangerously skinny, borderline anorexic... her body would have a very nice hourglass shape to it if she had a chest or an ass (even she admits that shes flat). She has a noticeable overbite (very noticeable, her mouth is rarely fully closed and as such you can always see her front teeth, I'm actually not sure if she CAN close her mouth), her nose is humped (as in it looks like it was broken at some point and is angular, kind of like mine actually), she doesn't really know how to dress or really take very good care of herself in general (though her makeup game is on point), her skin doesn't look like its seen sunlight in years, etc. etc. etc.
And yet, I still find her incredibly beautiful, despite the fact that her individual features aren't considered conventionally attractive, somehow taken as a whole in conjunction with one another, it all just... somehow works. I can't explain it.... I think it might be her hair (thick head of straight jet black hair slightly beyond shoulder length, it frames her white skin almost perfectly and really helps to highlight her hazel green eyes (which are actually probably her nicest feature, and most likely would be on almost any girl, as they are, individually, remarkably beautiful).
And yeah, I'm terribly torn and confused about her, and feel pretty vulnerable when I'm with her. I rather much hate it.
And yeah, I'm terribly torn and confused about her, and feel pretty vulnerable when I'm with her. I rather much hate it.
If she sits on your hand, and it's feels like a horse eating grain out of it, then she's interested.
Seriously though, if you don't like your friend that much, go get that. If you do like your friend that much, ask him, and then go get that. Just because she's not what other people think is attractive doesn't mean that you can't be attracted to her, and you don't always need to know the reason why. That kind of crap isn't stuff you can logic through.
Stop over-thinking it. If you're attracted to her you're attracted to her. You don't need to waste time listing all the reasons why they obvious truth can't possibly be true because it would conflict with your rules for finding people attractive.
Do you remember that news story about a crazy ex and a chimney or whatever.
Have fun sleeping tonight...
No seriously though, your take on it was very mature and you handled it well, considering.
Also I don't understand the hate on distance? It saved my relationship while in the service. Helped keep Jody away (though that is normally what he uses to steal your girl,) though it has been a bit harder and more expensive admittedly.
And yeah, I'm terribly torn and confused about her, and feel pretty vulnerable when I'm with her. I rather much hate it.
If she sits on your hand, and it's feels like a horse eating grain out of it, then she's interested.
Seriously though, if you don't like your friend that much, go get that. If you do like your friend that much, ask him, and then go get that. Just because she's not what other people think is attractive doesn't mean that you can't be attracted to her, and you don't always need to know the reason why. That kind of crap isn't stuff you can logic through.
I love my friend to death, I don't want to put him on the spot to begin with. Also, I think you're misunderstanding me. I don't find her attractive. In fact, I find her the opposite of attractive, I generally find her repulsive, and some part of me is disgusted by her (shes done more drugs than anyone I know, she'd probably give Hunter S. Thompson a run for his money. Shes also slept around, a lot, which isn't in itself an issue, but some of the guys just look nasty)... yet I am still attracted to her.
Okay, so actually, I had a one-night-stand yesterday. Which is weird. Not completely unexpected given how she answered some of the OkCupid questions,but… I do not know, the idea just seemed too surreal to me for me to really picture it actually happening. Anyhow she was super nice and kind and helpful and respectful so that was great.
I should apparently go see a doctor because (spoilered for anatomical details, I hope it is still okay for Dakka)
Spoiler:
my foreskin is a bit too tight and therefore I cannot retract it or else it gets painful.
The sex was… okay, I guess, but somehow I enjoyed just cuddling after it much, much more.
Hybrid Son Of Oxayotl wrote: Okay, so actually, I had a one-night-stand yesterday. Which is weird. Not completely unexpected given how she answered some of the OkCupid questions,but… I do not know, the idea just seemed too surreal to me for me to really picture it actually happening. Anyhow she was super nice and kind and helpful and respectful so that was great.
I should apparently go see a doctor because (spoilered for anatomical details, I hope it is still okay for Dakka)
Spoiler:
my foreskin is a bit too tight and therefore I cannot retract it or else it gets painful.
The sex was… okay, I guess, but somehow I enjoyed just cuddling after it much, much more.
That sounds like you're a good guy to be honest. I imagine that when you're in a proper relationship the cuddling is *more important than the sex. but I dunno I seem to have really romanticised views or rather very traditional views according to some of my friends.
Hybrid Son Of Oxayotl wrote: Okay, so actually, I had a one-night-stand yesterday. Which is weird. Not completely unexpected given how she answered some of the OkCupid questions,but… I do not know, the idea just seemed too surreal to me for me to really picture it actually happening. Anyhow she was super nice and kind and helpful and respectful so that was great.
I should apparently go see a doctor because (spoilered for anatomical details, I hope it is still okay for Dakka)
Spoiler:
my foreskin is a bit too tight and therefore I cannot retract it or else it gets painful.
The sex was… okay, I guess, but somehow I enjoyed just cuddling after it much, much more.
Wow i'm surprised i turned out to be right. Interesting. I was kind of just kidding but sure enough it happened. Way to go. Well we'll see if she's a good match for you. Dunno what to think of the bit after the sex.
When a buddy of mine had his first time he noticed some sickness issues so maybe that can be a normal thing. Turned out nothing was wrong with him.
No, she made it very clear before that this would just be a one-night-stand and that we would likely never see each other again. She was very upfront about it and she really made sure I was okay with this and I did not felt pressured into it, which was very nice. But I wanted to know what it was like, so I was okay with it. I do not regret it. I mean, now I know.
Hybrid Son Of Oxayotl wrote: Okay, so actually, I had a one-night-stand yesterday. Which is weird. Not completely unexpected given how she answered some of the OkCupid questions,but… I do not know, the idea just seemed too surreal to me for me to really picture it actually happening. Anyhow she was super nice and kind and helpful and respectful so that was great.
I should apparently go see a doctor because (spoilered for anatomical details, I hope it is still okay for Dakka)
Spoiler:
my foreskin is a bit too tight and therefore I cannot retract it or else it gets painful.
The sex was… okay, I guess, but somehow I enjoyed just cuddling after it much, much more.
Spoiler:
Phimosis can normally be treated with prescribed topical steroids, or stretching exercises. Some people require surgery, but that's far from the normal procedure. I also have retraction problems I won't go into on Dakka, but last I went to the doctor about it my life was too stressful to actually start the steroid cream course, so now, a few years on, I need to remember to bring it up again with my current doctor. It's not a debilitating condition, though, and the foreskin doesn't need to be retracted, but it might be easier to get it treated in the long run, as it can lead to problems with properly cleaning your Manwurst.
the shrouded lord wrote: I dunno I seem to have really romanticised views or rather very traditional views according to some of my friends.
Same here. I am quite disinterested in sex for its own sake, actually. Not to the point of being asexual, but finding a decent person to stay with, who I share interests with, is a quintillion times more important.
the shrouded lord wrote: I dunno I seem to have really romanticised views or rather very traditional views according to some of my friends.
Same here. I am quite disinterested in sex for its own sake, actually. Not to the point of being asexual, but finding a decent person to stay with, who I share interests with, is a quintillion times more important.
so much this. I hate how realitionships these days seem to be sex+ some. It should be the opposite. I see no point in being withsome just bacasue you want to bonk.
In a typical attempt from life to stop me being happy, I'm going out with someone in an hour and twenty mins, so forty minutes ago my body suddenly decided that the takeaway I had last night actually disagrees with me, despite it never having done so the tens of times I've ordered the same thing from the same place in the past.
The Loperamide I took has had about half an hour to kick in, so I'm hoping it keeps everything at bay, but I've been sat on the toilet since noon expelling hellspawn from my backside. Always a fun thing to be doing before going out with someone.
Avatar 720 wrote: In a typical attempt from life to stop me being happy, I'm going out with someone in an hour and twenty mins, so forty minutes ago my body suddenly decided that the takeaway I had last night actually disagrees with me, despite it never having done so the tens of times I've ordered the same thing from the same place in the past.
The Loperamide I took has had about half an hour to kick in, so I'm hoping it keeps everything at bay, but I've been sat on the toilet since noon expelling hellspawn from my backside. Always a fun thing to be doing before going out with someone.
Well, it will give you some amusing anecdotes to talk about during the date!
"Would you believe that an hour ago I was expelling magma from my bowels? I swear my ring could light a fire at that point. It's probably still glowing now; step aside, Rudolph, the red-ringed human is here!"
"..."
"Hey, why's everyone staring at me?"
I just noticed you have deviant art, consider yourself friended. I think deviant has friend system. and just a suggestion, put a tiny bit of aftershave on the back part of your underwear. a tiny, tiny bit.
personally, I cannot believe ( from your self depreciating comedy) that you are actually going out avatar! I hope all goes well, maybe the prepariatory ring of fire is a good harbinger I myself have a hawt girl interested atm through no effort on my behalf. It's very affirming .
Phimosis can normally be treated with prescribed topical steroids, or stretching exercises. Some people require surgery, but that's far from the normal procedure. I also have retraction problems I won't go into on Dakka, but last I went to the doctor about it my life was too stressful to actually start the steroid cream course, so now, a few years on, I need to remember to bring it up again with my current doctor. It's not a debilitating condition, though, and the foreskin doesn't need to be retracted, but it might be easier to get it treated in the long run, as it can lead to problems with properly cleaning your Manwurst.
Thanks. Are not steroids supposed to be something for body-builders or something? Do they have any kind of possible side-effect?
How did your date went? I hope everything went perfectly.
Ashiraya wrote: Same here. I am quite disinterested in sex for its own sake, actually. Not to the point of being asexual, but finding a decent person to stay with, who I share interests with, is a quintillion times more important.
so much this. I hate how realitionships these days seem to be sex+ some. It should be the opposite. I see no point in being withsome just bacasue you want to bonk.
Well yeah, me too. But after 9/13 years of neither (if I recall your ages correctly), you will certainly settle for what you can get too. Especially if that is not actually hurting your chance of finding someone to really spend time with, which I do not think it was. And my profile was really, really not designed to attract people looking for one-night-stand either. It just happened.
Avatar 720 wrote: Luckily I haven't had a shower yet, so I shan't be wearing mah poopin' gear when I go out.
Shame. Would be fitting, seeing as you're a monkey, right?
I am a monkey, but I take a reasonable interest in personal hygiene. I even shaved today.
Bullockist wrote:personally, I cannot believe ( from your self depreciating comedy) that you are actually going out avatar! I hope all goes well, maybe the prepariatory ring of fire is a good harbinger
Despite some of the crap I spout, I don't generally believe that I'm all THAT bad in some areas. It's actually the second time I've been out with them (last was around mid-November last year; I can't remember if I posted about it or not), and I think it went well. Like last time, we talked a lot (over 3 hours), and agreed to go out again on the 29th. I'd rather a flaming rear not become the usual sign of fortune, however.
Hybrid Son Of Oxayotl wrote:Thanks. Are not steroids supposed to be something for body-builders or something? Do they have any kind of possible side-effect?
Body-builders used Anabolic steroids, which are different to things like topical steroid creams, which are (I believe mostly, at least) Corticosteroids. The term 'steroid' is fairly general, but you'd have to ask your doctor or a pharmacist about anything more. I don't think there's any medicines that don't have the capacity for side-effects, but the main one with topical creams is likely to be skin inflammation and surface reactions, exactly the same to a bad reaction to a new moisturiser or hand cream. Again, your doctor or a pharmacist would be able to give you better information.
I'm feeling super-validated in starting this thread now!
Did dakka just (albeit indirectly) get someone laid? Holy smokes. Good for you, Hybrid!
Incidentally, there's nothing wrong with enjoying the cuddling. It's part of the whole experience, and one that I enjoy almost as much as the main event tbh.
Well, my problem hass mostly resolved itself. She cut her hair and died the bottom half of what did remain blonde (think anime style haircut, short and square in front/sides, long in the back), so now im significantly less attracted to her. I know, shallow right?
Hybrid Son Of Oxayotl wrote: Okay, so actually, I had a one-night-stand yesterday. Which is weird. Not completely unexpected given how she answered some of the OkCupid questions,but… I do not know, the idea just seemed too surreal to me for me to really picture it actually happening. Anyhow she was super nice and kind and helpful and respectful so that was great.
I should apparently go see a doctor because (spoilered for anatomical details, I hope it is still okay for Dakka)
Spoiler:
my foreskin is a bit too tight and therefore I cannot retract it or else it gets painful.
The sex was… okay, I guess, but somehow I enjoyed just cuddling after it much, much more.
MY MAN!
Alright, we helped a brother out, our first definite success story!! I hope this has you feeling more confident with yourself Hybrid, now get out there and find the girl of your dreams.
the shrouded lord wrote: so much this. I hate how realitionships these days seem to be sex+ some. It should be the opposite. I see no point in being withsome just bacasue you want to bonk.
Serious question: have you actually had sex and/or a serious relationship yet?
the shrouded lord wrote: so much this. I hate how realitionships these days seem to be sex+ some. It should be the opposite. I see no point in being withsome just bacasue you want to bonk.
Serious question: have you actually had sex and/or a serious relationship yet?
Then that explains it. You probably shouldn't form opinions about how silly it is to want sex without a serious relationship until you actually know what you're rejecting.
the shrouded lord wrote: so much this. I hate how realitionships these days seem to be sex+ some. It should be the opposite. I see no point in being withsome just bacasue you want to bonk.
Serious question: have you actually had sex and/or a serious relationship yet?
the shrouded lord wrote: so much this. I hate how realitionships these days seem to be sex+ some. It should be the opposite. I see no point in being withsome just bacasue you want to bonk.
Serious question: have you actually had sex and/or a serious relationship yet?
Some of you guys sound like prudes. While i want to find somebody that i like i think sex sounds like plenty of good fun. I won't be in a relationship just for sex and absolutely nothing else though. If i'm uninterested in the woman then it's not going to last.
@Hybrid Son Of Oxayotl: Sorry you couldn't find somebody that might've gone for more than just a 'one night stand'. I was hoping we were on to something. That said i was more worrying today if she was going to be a stalker or super clingy. About how far into it did she tell you she just wanted a 'one night stand'? Was it online or face to face? Well either way i'm proud and jealous of you.
For me another thing i really want in a woman is a sense of humor. I just can't stand people that take everything seriously. Enjoying a laugh here and there is a nice thing that's for sure. Hopefully not too hard to make laugh either. I can be a pretty funny guy at times.
---------
I'm actually wondering if some people are asexual. There seems to be at least a good few that seem almost completely uninterested in sex and it just astounds me. I don't understand how that could be. I'd imagine even the biggest prude from time to time has a story of one time where they just totally lost it due to sexual arousal and relief from it.
Ashiraya wrote: Asexual people completely lack sex drive. It's very rare but exists.
Yeah i know and have heard it but i'm really curious to all the people that seem to be prudes here. Certainly there has to have been a moment where each of you has been aroused. It's supposed to be normal. I don't see the hatred of sex. That said too much could really ruin the actual bond of a relationship. As long as there's a mutual understanding between the people involved then it's fine it my book. Even though i kind of wished Hybrid got a girlfriend out of the deal she was at least decent enough to lay out all the details and be totally honest with him. There are a few women who couldn't even tell me the problem they had with me. For me i tell women if you have any issues with me whatsoever tell me right away so i can fix them. If i'm interested enough to be with you then i want to keep things going as well and smoothly as possible.
@Avatar 720: I'm not sure i put it that way but i just don't understand the disinterest in sex. If that's what you want then ok but i'm on the opposite end. Personally i can't understand the slut-shaming some people go through. I mean when it's all the time and always a new person then i tease them about their sexual promiscuity. Really it's not so bad if the person has a lot of sex with different people so much as how they handle it. Are you going to sleep with other people while in a relationship? Are you going to lie to the person you intend to sleep with or have a relationship with? Are they ok if you guys sleep with other people in the relationship or have strange sexual combinations (sexual combo: 4 hits!!!)?
Maybe that all sounds weird to some but i don't mind a lot of this sh*t as long as the person is totally honest and allows mutual understanding and mutual treatment. One example for me is i don't understand why some guys expect to receive certain types of sex and not give it. I mean as funny as it sounds i'd practically kiss a dude if it got my woman going. If i asked her to kiss a girl i'd expect to kiss a dude. It's just considered inappropriate in our culture for guys to do that though.
I dont hate sex. I hate how it seems to be the main purpose o relationships these days. Also, I have no interest in sex. I just don't want to have sex and don't see a point to having sex unless you wish to procreate (which I never plan on doing).
the shrouded lord wrote: I dont hate sex. I hate how it seems to be the main purpose o relationships these days. Also, I have no interest in sex. I just don't want to have sex and don't see a point to having sex unless you wish to procreate (which I never plan on doing).
Well for some it can definitely get you into a lot of trouble and ruin some lives including your own. It is fun having it though.
That said if you don't wish to have sex and don't want to procreate then what's the point of even wanting to have your balls and such. I'd just find it incredibly bothersome to have an extra thing tying me down (no pun intended).
That said there's a few people i really wish could be neutered or take a pill that'd control their sexual desires. They just go way out of control with it. That said they'd seem like a dog then. 'Quit humping that woman! No! No! Not on my couch!' *smack his head*
the shrouded lord wrote: I dont hate sex. I hate how it seems to be the main purpose o relationships these days. Also, I have no interest in sex. I just don't want to have sex and don't see a point to having sex unless you wish to procreate (which I never plan on doing).
Well for some it can definitely get you into a lot of trouble and ruin some lives including your own. It is fun having it though.
That said if you don't wish to have sex and don't want to procreate then what's the point of even wanting to have your balls and such. I'd just find it incredibly bothersome to have an extra thing tying me down (no pun intended).
in all seriousness, peeing. also, there are other ways to....I'm not talking about this.
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)
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) I was a bit deppressed since then(@halloween) i simply had this approach to chat a bit, eventually make out with a girl and both forgetting each other the next day.. But now it's new year and i guess i should look for a more stabile relationship...
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and she of course found out, meaning it was MINE FAULT ONLY.(but yeah, in clubs you are MOSTLY gonna get laid for a night and forget everything the morning after, but there is always a chance 
