Ok, I have a friend who is a total introvert most of the time, and doesn't really reach out to people much. But awhile back he started looking in to this one girl, and because he's normally not very outgoing, i encouraged him to go for it even though i'd been looking at the same girl for a bit myself. I figured, Hey, i've dated plenty of girls, and this is a good chance for him to open up and step out of his comfort zone. But it's been 2 months now, and he hasn't made a shot at all. And all the while the girl has been coming on to me. I started to like her a lot more than i did before, but i wanted to give my friend a chance. But he still wouldn't really go for it. I asked him if he was still interested, and when he was gunna make a move, but he kept giving me really vague answers that didn't really mean anything. So i just figured he lost intrested, and started working towards her myself. But he saw me talking to her, and immediatly knew what i was doing. He got really mad at me, and we started fighting a bit. He said that he was gunna make a move, but i was starting to like this girl alot, and i didn't want to just back down an wait anouther month for him to work up the nerve to say hi to her in the hallway. I told him that i'd give him anouther week to go for it, but if he just kept staring at her and hoping she would just fall in her lap i was going to go for it. He called me an donkey-cave and a tool, and i called him spineless and a wuss. We haven't talked to each other sence, and i'm starting to wonder if this girl is worth a friend i've known sence 6th grade. The girl is great, and i really like her, but i don't know if it's worth it. I feel every bit of an donkey-cave and a tool while i write this, but god, i love that girl... What should i do?
In my opinion, its a jerk move, but if you feel like you really like her then go for it. But if you are having doubts about whether or not you're willing to lose a friend over her, then that doesn't mean you like her enough to readily lose a friend for her which means you really don't like her that much.
So if you actually love her, then your friend will potentially be lost to you but you're with someone you love. If you really don't love her then you lose both of them eventually.
Not to sound like an a-hole, but you gave your friend plenty of time to go after her. And if he can't get around the fact that HE never made a move, that's HIS problem. If you think it's COMPLETELY worth the ending of a friendship, go for it...it appears that you obviously have feels towards her...maybe you should try and explain that to your friend also?
Your leaving an important factor out of the eqauation ...and that would be the young lady.
If..as you've said, she's " coming on to you", then weather your fainthearted friend makes a move or not may already be a moot point.
FITZZ wrote: Your leaving an important factor out of the eqauation ...and that would be the young lady.
If..as you've said, she's " coming on to you", then weather your fainthearted friend makes a move or not may already be a moot point.
As an aside, shouldn't you also become her friend as well as her girlfriend? I know that probably sounds odd, but it isn't going to end well if you aren't her friend outside of the relationship (at best you'll have an unhappy marriage where you two ignore eachother most of the time).
Melissia wrote:As an aside, shouldn't you also become her friend as well as her girlfriend? I know that probably sounds odd, but it isn't going to end well if you aren't her friend outside of the relationship (at best you'll have an unhappy marriage where you two ignore eachother most of the time).
If you do that, you run the risk of getting trapped in the "Friend-Zone".
My friends and I had a standing rule about not " blocking" one another...but it really doesn't sound as if the OP has done this...to the contrary he's appeared to have encouraged his friend to " step up".
Melissia wrote:As an aside, shouldn't you also become her friend as well as her girlfriend? I know that probably sounds odd, but it isn't going to end well if you aren't her friend outside of the relationship (at best you'll have an unhappy marriage where you two ignore eachother most of the time).
If you do that, you run the risk of getting trapped in the "Friend-Zone".
And then your bro can take his shot... I see where you're going here.
Melissia wrote:As an aside, shouldn't you also become her friend as well as her girlfriend? I know that probably sounds odd, but it isn't going to end well if you aren't her friend outside of the relationship (at best you'll have an unhappy marriage where you two ignore eachother most of the time).
If you do that, you run the risk of getting trapped in the "Friend-Zone".
And then your bro can take his shot... I see where you're going here.
Melissia wrote:As an aside, shouldn't you also become her friend as well as her girlfriend? I know that probably sounds odd, but it isn't going to end well if you aren't her friend outside of the relationship (at best you'll have an unhappy marriage where you two ignore eachother most of the time).
Wow!...that's one hell of a leap there Melissia... you took the OP from a possiable " Date" right into a " loveless marriage"...
Melissia wrote:As an aside, shouldn't you also become her friend as well as her girlfriend? I know that probably sounds odd, but it isn't going to end well if you aren't her friend outside of the relationship (at best you'll have an unhappy marriage where you two ignore eachother most of the time).
If you do that, you run the risk of getting trapped in the "Friend-Zone".
And then your bro can take his shot... I see where you're going here.
I didn't even think of that.
It all depends on whether the OP is self-sacrificing or not.
Melissia wrote:As an aside, shouldn't you also become her friend as well as her girlfriend? I know that probably sounds odd, but it isn't going to end well if you aren't her friend outside of the relationship (at best you'll have an unhappy marriage where you two ignore eachother most of the time).
Wow!...that's one hell of a leap there Melissia... you took the OP from a possiable " Date" right into a " loveless marriage"...
Only if he dates her without really befriending her. People who date/get married learn a lot about eachother. Sometimes the relationship doesn't survive this.
But if you honestly care about eachother, and respect eachother, that respect develops into admiration and love that's a little more permanent than the infatuation of teenagers.
Melissia wrote:As an aside, shouldn't you also become her friend as well as her girlfriend? I know that probably sounds odd, but it isn't going to end well if you aren't her friend outside of the relationship (at best you'll have an unhappy marriage where you two ignore eachother most of the time).
If you do that, you run the risk of getting trapped in the "Friend-Zone".
And then your bro can take his shot... I see where you're going here.
I didn't even think of that.
It all depends on whether the OP is self-sacrificing or not.
Your friend shouldn't say that. You've given him ample time to try and go up to her and another thing: she's coming onto you first so even if your friend did try she'd probably only put up with him to get to you. You friend shouldn't be so upset when its clear that she has no interest in him and he hasn't made a move. He shouldn't be calling you names for doing that. He's had his chance and he blew it. If it was really that important to him he'd at least try and talk to her.
Melissia wrote:As an aside, shouldn't you also become her friend as well as her girlfriend? I know that probably sounds odd, but it isn't going to end well if you aren't her friend outside of the relationship (at best you'll have an unhappy marriage where you two ignore eachother most of the time).
Wow!...that's one hell of a leap there Melissia... you took the OP from a possiable " Date" right into a " loveless marriage"...
Only if he dates her without really befriending her. People who date/get married learn a lot about eachother. Sometimes the relationship doesn't survive this.
But if you honestly care about eachother, and respect eachother, that respect develops into admiration and love that's a little more permanent than the infatuation of teenagers.
Can't argue with you there Mel...as far as I know I'm the divorce/failed relationship king of Dakka...and I can attest that your 100% right about the importance of actually being " friends" with those you choose to get into long term relationships with.
Melissia wrote:Then when he tries to move too fast and she breaks up with him, the OP is there for her to fall into his arms?
Jokes aside, the "friend zone" can be avoided while still being her friend. You just have to try to be an interesting person.
I like the friend zone, its so comfortable. No pressure about having to get anyone anything for Valentine's Day, no need to buy things that prevent accidental babies, and most importantly you have a friend.
But yeah, go ahead and go after her then. Your friend is just a shy introvert and possibly needs a girl to go after him, I'm mainly speaking out of personal experience although I eventually did get the courage to speak up and she thought I was a homosexual so that didn't work out well... at all.
Being an introvert isn't just being shy, its a complicated set of emotions. You begin to wonder what happens if she says yes, how do you carry on from there, what are you obligating yourself to, what if she says no, will she think you're a creep, will she stare at you whenever you walk by, will... Its just a constant set of questions without any real answers , and its more than just a lack of self-confidence its more of a not knowing what to do. Luckily I have a friend now who doesn't just tell me to "go for it" but is kind of coaching me on how to go about actually starting it on my own, but there is always the constantly nagging fear of not knowing what to do when something comes up. Why? Because you don't want to feth anything up out of fear that if you do you'll be mocked and made fun of.
That's what your friend is probably going through and he's looking at a long list of scenarios that he knows nothing about handling so he's not going to ask unless you give him some advice on how to go about doing so, did you even offer to act like a wing man?
Seriously, if you haven't considered acting like a wing man then don't try to be his friend, cut him loose and go after the girl.
Melissia wrote:As an aside, shouldn't you also become her friend as well as her girlfriend? I know that probably sounds odd, but it isn't going to end well if you aren't her friend outside of the relationship (at best you'll have an unhappy marriage where you two ignore eachother most of the time).
If you do that, you run the risk of getting trapped in the "Friend-Zone".
Yes and no. True, the "Friend Zone" is a risk. But here's the hard truth - the romance can run clean out at times. Sometimes for a few days, sometimes weeks. And for a relationship to endure, you have to see your partner as both friend and lover. I know, it sounds corny as hell. But I s*** optimistic gold and piss out rainbows of ecstasy. If you have a problem with it, I'll punch you in the soul. I've also been in a happy relationship for the last 2 1/2 years, going on 3 this January. Part of what's made it last so long has been the ability to be both friend and partner. What you don't want to do is be -overly- friendly, to the point where you're A) Painfully obvious, or B) Painfully holding back.
This is the part that no one can give you advice on. If you have feelings for this girl, then you know when -you- feel it's the right time to tell her. But it might not be the right time for -her-, because that's what it boils down to in your case. It isn't about you here, so all you can really do is give it a shot in the dark. If you've got the quad to tell her how you feel, then you'll find out right away whether it's a mutual feeling or not.
Rejection can seem pretty daunting, but just remember that while people will come and go, unasked questions will stay with you forever.
Melissia wrote:As an aside, shouldn't you also become her friend as well as her girlfriend? I know that probably sounds odd, but it isn't going to end well if you aren't her friend outside of the relationship (at best you'll have an unhappy marriage where you two ignore eachother most of the time).
If you do that, you run the risk of getting trapped in the "Friend-Zone".
Yes and no. True, the "Friend Zone" is a risk. But here's the hard truth - the romance can run clean out at times. Sometimes for a few days, sometimes weeks. And for a relationship to endure, you have to see your partner as both friend and lover. I know, it sounds corny as hell. But I s*** optimistic gold and piss out rainbows of ecstasy. If you have a problem, I'll punch you in the soul. I've also been in a happy relationship for the last 2 1/2 years, going on 3 this January. Part of what's made it last so long has been the ability to be both friend and partner. What you don't want to do is be -overly- friendly, to the point where you're A) Painfully obvious, or B) Painfully holding back.
This is the part that no one can give you advice on. If you have feelings for this girl, then you know when -you- feel it's the right time to tell her. But it might not be the right time for -her-, because that's what it boils down to in your case. It isn't about you here, so all you can really do is give it a shot in the dark. If you've got the quad to tell her how you feel, then you'll find out right away whether it's a mutual feeling or not.
Rejection can seem pretty daunting, but just remember that while people will come and go, unasked questions will stay with you forever.
No metallifan, he's sure he wants to ask her out and feels that she has been coming on to him. His friend is the one who's a shy introvert.
Might be easier if the OP broke up his wall'o'text a little; I admit I had to re-read it several times for it to make sense because it was all one big paragraph.
That said, I can't give any advice on the situation; me doling out relationship advice is akin to a drug addict telling people how to kick the habit; lack of experience in the given field will probably lead to most of what is said being absolute nonsense.
loota boy wrote:Ok, I have a friend who is a total introvert most of the time, and doesn't really reach out to people much. But awhile back he started looking in to this one girl, and because he's normally not very outgoing, i encouraged him to go for it even though i'd been looking at the same girl for a bit myself. I figured, Hey, i've dated plenty of girls, and this is a good chance for him to open up and step out of his comfort zone. But it's been 2 months now, and he hasn't made a shot at all. And all the while the girl has been coming on to me. I started to like her a lot more than i did before, but i wanted to give my friend a chance. But he still wouldn't really go for it. I asked him if he was still interested, and when he was gunna make a move, but he kept giving me really vague answers that didn't really mean anything. So i just figured he lost intrested, and started working towards her myself. But he saw me talking to her, and immediatly knew what i was doing. He got really mad at me, and we started fighting a bit. He said that he was gunna make a move, but i was starting to like this girl alot, and i didn't want to just back down an wait anouther month for him to work up the nerve to say hi to her in the hallway. I told him that i'd give him anouther week to go for it, but if he just kept staring at her and hoping she would just fall in her lap i was going to go for it. He called me an donkey-cave and a tool, and i called him spineless and a wuss. We haven't talked to each other sence, and i'm starting to wonder if this girl is worth a friend i've known sence 6th grade. The girl is great, and i really like her, but i don't know if it's worth it. I feel every bit of an donkey-cave and a tool while i write this, but god, i love that girl... What should i do?
Matters on the girl dude. If you have special feelings for her and you care about her. And you have been friends with her for a very long time, do it. It just matters if you are really in love this girl maybe. But I wouldn't take my chances, you might take yours. If you hang out with her already boom thats a relationship right there.
halonachos wrote:No metallifan, he's sure he wants to ask her out and feels that she has been coming on to him. His friend is the one who's a shy introvert.
Whatever, you don't win a race by letting others get ahead. Sounds cold, sure, but if his buddy won't make a move why should he have to sit and lament?
halonachos wrote:No metallifan, he's sure he wants to ask her out and feels that she has been coming on to him. His friend is the one who's a shy introvert.
Whatever, you don't win a race by letting others get ahead. Sounds cold, sure, but if his buddy won't make a move why should he have to sit and lament?
That's what I'm beginning to agree with. He just needs to man up and tell his friend to feth off you know, if it turns out that you start dating her and nothing comes of it then oh well get over it.
halonachos wrote:No metallifan, he's sure he wants to ask her out and feels that she has been coming on to him. His friend is the one who's a shy introvert.
Whatever, you don't win a race by letting others get ahead. Sounds cold, sure, but if his buddy won't make a move why should he have to sit and lament?
I've really got to agree here, as I said the OP has apparently been very supportive of his friend...and if his friend is content to sit in the shadows...then I really don't see why the OP should pass up a chance to make a connection.
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Shadowbrand wrote:Well I imagine a wargaming forum isn't the best place to ask these questions. Thus my inability to take it seriously.
... ...Let's not generalize here Shadow...not everyone who picks up some dice is unfamilar with the dating world.
Like I said, I'm just empathetic to his friend. But if he feels like he really likes her then he should go for it, but he needs to tell his friend that he's going to do it instead of saying "If you don't ask her in a week.". To tell the truth you two don't seem to be very good friends if a girl is coming between you two and if neither of you is willing to be a wing man for the other then you're not really close friends. I have friends that tell me to "go for it" and I have friends who say "If you ask her out, tell her that you're going to get lunch or coffee with some friends and text me saying you need a wing man and I'll be there." and I appreciate the guys who do give me advice other than "just ask her out". In fact its why I'm shaving my face this weekend.
Just telling an introvert to go ask someone out is like telling a receiver who constantly drops the ball that he needs to hold on to the ball, its pointless advice.
...You know...I don't get it...Perhaps it's due to the fact that I had no idea what "wargamming" was until I was 30 so didn't grow up " under it's shadow" ..perhaps it's because I've never been shy and introverted...but I just don't get why so many gamers seem to view themselves as ...hopeless.
Well most of the youth involved with wargames don't understand the female psyche.
I have a -moderate- understanding. To the point I can deduct the only reason why I have a girlfriend now is.
I play guitar, and write songs. Seriously become a musician if your lonely. And my jovial jokester nature. However, don't rely on that alone, it just gets you in the friend zone.
halonachos wrote:Its just that a lot of girls tend to now like guys who spend $100 on a piece of plastic.
That and a lot of them get dating advice from gaming sites.
I don't know about that Nachos, women ( not to generalize here) tend to be fairly unconcerned with what money is spent on where " mens past times" are concerned ( so long as it's not getting stuck into G-strings...in most cases)...
If a guys spending hundreds on guitars and amps or motorcycle parts or golf clubs...I really don't see that most women would give a gak one way or the other...
Women...hell..people...respond to confidence...not to what your " hobby" is....do you really believe any guy would give a rats backside if they met a hot interesting girl with confidence who then said she liked to paint figures ?...of course they wouldn't...and it goes both ways...
I think it's that so manner gamers treat their hobby like some sort of " lepersy"...that...shame comes through when interacting with the opposite sex...
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Shadowbrand wrote:Well most of the youth involved with wargames don't understand the female psyche.
I have a -moderate- understanding. To the point I can deduct the only reason why I have a girlfriend now is.
I play guitar, and write songs. Seriously become a musician if your lonely. And my jovial jokester nature. However, don't rely on that alone, it just gets you in the friend zone.
Albatross wrote:Wait, doesn't the girl get to decide who she likes? It's kind of not up to the OP and his (now, probably ex) mate, is it?
The OP said that she was "coming on to him" as in the OP and not his friend. Seems like she made a decision, but then again I don't know what he means by "coming on to him". But yeah, probably an ex-friend by now.
Shadowbrand wrote:I play guitar, and write songs. Seriously become a musician if your lonely. And my jovial jokester nature. However, don't rely on that alone, it just gets you in the friend zone.
Shadowbrand wrote:I play guitar, and write songs. Seriously become a musician if your lonely. And my jovial jokester nature. However, don't rely on that alone, it just gets you in the friend zone.
Playing guitar doesn't really work for me lol
Is it electric or acoustic?
According to my friend if you want to get some go to a metal concert, according to him you haven't lived until you've been tied to a bed with shawls.
a) Abandon this chance at romance and remain a loyal and steadfast friend, thus sealing your friendship for a lifetime and knowing that you have someone who would do the same for you.
or
b) Ditch your buddy and go for the girl and have lots of sandwiches and sexy rumpus until she finds out you play with toy soldiers and dumps you.
a) Abandon this chance at romance and remain a loyal and steadfast friend, thus sealing your friendship for a lifetime and knowing that you have someone who would do the same for you.
or
b) Ditch your buddy and go for the girl and have lots of sandwiches and sexy rumpus until she finds out you play with toy soldiers and dumps you.
halonachos wrote:Most likely, but she's coming on to him so why not entertain her I guess.
So get drunk and have fun with her is the morale here?
Well I think the overall moral of the story is going; screw your friends and screw the girl both of you want. Of course we do use different meanings for 'screw' in the previous sentence.
halonachos wrote:Most likely, but she's coming on to him so why not entertain her I guess.
So get drunk and have fun with her is the morale here?
Well I think the overall moral of the story is going; screw your friends and screw the girl both of you want. Of course we do use different meanings for 'screw' in the previous sentence.
Well I was thinking of kissing mate. Not that...
Plus how old is the OP?
Is what 16, 17? If so it will not be that. PLus his mate was failing so if anything it just proves to the kid to stop laying around with his head up his arse and get something done in his life.
halonachos wrote:Most likely, but she's coming on to him so why not entertain her I guess.
So get drunk and have fun with her is the morale here?
Well I think the overall moral of the story is going; screw your friends and screw the girl both of you want. Of course we do use different meanings for 'screw' in the previous sentence.
Well I was thinking of kissing mate. Not that...
Plus how old is the OP?
Is what 16, 17? If so it will not be that. PLus his mate was failing so if anything it just proves to the kid to stop laying around with his head up his arse and get something done in his life.
Of course, because a psychological mind set that causes you to fear rejection is having your head shoved up your rectum... seriously OP has lost his friend. If his friend is introverted then chances are he didn't have a lot of people he put trust into and by doing that the OP basically slapped him in the face and kicked him in the nuts.
And he's 16, that statistically means he wants to, they will, she'll regret it.
halonachos wrote:Most likely, but she's coming on to him so why not entertain her I guess.
So get drunk and have fun with her is the morale here?
Well I think the overall moral of the story is going; screw your friends and screw the girl both of you want. Of course we do use different meanings for 'screw' in the previous sentence.
Well I was thinking of kissing mate. Not that...
Plus how old is the OP?
Is what 16, 17? If so it will not be that. PLus his mate was failing so if anything it just proves to the kid to stop laying around with his head up his arse and get something done in his life.
Of course, because a psychological mind set that causes you to fear rejection is having your head shoved up your rectum... seriously OP has lost his friend. If his friend is introverted then chances are he didn't have a lot of people he put trust into and by doing that the OP basically slapped him in the face and kicked him in the nuts.
And he's 16, that statistically means he wants to, they will, she'll regret it.
Knowing this guy by his post he will probably try to. But lets not talk about that.
I know how that feels. I am an INTJ. Which is an Introvert but lets face it introverts aren't all bad. It just matters on your personality.
Knowing girls, it may look like it but alot of them like the magic 18 no.
But it could or could not happen but were getting OT
The fact remains his friend insulted him and that they are both pouting about it. they should make up and have a competition who ever gets her first wins.
Asherian Command wrote: The fact remains his friend insulted him and that they are both pouting about it. they should make up and have a competition who ever gets her first wins.
I'm introverted too(INFJ myself) which is why I feel for the guy's friend. But she expressed feelings to the OP I guess so why should there be a contest, she made a decision in who she wants. If the OP goes with it he risks, actually probably will lose a friend and if he doesn't then he loses some girl he likes.
They both made themselves look like jerks by fighting over a girl and the best option would be for neither of them to go after her, that won't probably happen though. His friend is introverted and shy, he won't win any sort of contest.
Asherian Command wrote:
The fact remains his friend insulted him and that they are both pouting about it. they should make up and have a competition who ever gets her first wins.
I'm introverted too(INFJ myself) which is why I feel for the guy's friend. But she expressed feelings to the OP I guess so why should there be a contest, she made a decision in who she wants. If the OP goes with it he risks, actually probably will lose a friend and if he doesn't then he loses some girl he likes.
They both made themselves look like jerks by fighting over a girl and the best option would be for neither of them to go after her, that won't probably happen though. His friend is introverted and shy, he won't win any sort of contest.
If i was in this situation I would just sit back and study it.
Of course Thats just me.... But seriously if you need to get this girl keep her as a friend she's nice apparently so keep her as a friend date her later is what i can say. Or now if your really wanting to. But breaking a friendship is bad news.
Shadowbrand wrote:I play guitar, and write songs. Seriously become a musician if your lonely. And my jovial jokester nature. However, don't rely on that alone, it just gets you in the friend zone.
Playing guitar doesn't really work for me lol
Is it electric or acoustic?
According to my friend if you want to get some go to a metal concert, according to him you haven't lived until you've been tied to a bed with shawls.
The problem what dose she think of? If she like you, you will need to be together, and if she like your friend, then it doesn't matter with you, right?
Simply chat the girl up and tell her how much your shy friend is into her. You might go so far as to tell her that he is so introverted because his ***** is so long and everyone picks on him about it. This should have the desired effect.
Just go for it. Sounds like your friend will never man up to talk the girl. If you hadn't make your move, he'd wait for another two months doing nothing. Besides she seems like she has already made her choice.
I would not wreck a friendship over girl, but this guy seems a bit of a jerk. ask him if he really really 100% loves he or something, if he does, it might be wise to back off.
But, if the girl in question is already 'coming on to you' I think the chances of your buddy are somewhere in the single digits.
most of all, make sure she is not just a "Good time Girl" that is NOT worth losing a friendship over.
Meanwhile, the girl keeps wondering why this guy shes hitting on doesnt respond to her. until he finds out he's had a lovers spat with that other guy that looks at her odd all the time.
It makes total sense to her now! He looks at her all the time because she's flirting with his man! OMG!
Having had her daily epiphany, she moves on to flirt with someone else because she doesnt want to get involved with the drama of being a homewrecker....
(To the OP, seriously, its great you're giving your freind a chance. But how long are you supposed to wait for his testicles to descend so he can man up? )
At first I wanted to say that OP should go for it, because friend wasn't making any real progress, but then now that I've given it some thought, I think going after the girl was a bad idea. Just because she was coming on to you, doesn't mean you can't reject her. Taking whatever comes along sounds like an issue of willpower in OP's case. Your friend might be lame, an arse, and terrible with women, but he's still your friend. Just ask the girl what her opinion is on your friend. If it's bad, you can both hate her, if it's good, you just send her his way.
Of course, after highschool I suggest you only look out for yourself.
@OP whatever you decide to do, never, ever, EVER, under any circumstances, tell her you asked a bunch of goons on a toy soldier forum for relationship advice.
That said, you should still try to nail it. Seriously, in a few years you'll be lucky to remember her last name.
Khornholio wrote:@OP whatever you decide to do, never, ever, EVER, under any circumstances, tell her you asked a bunch of goons on a toy soldier forum for relationship advice.
That said, you should still try to nail it. Seriously, in a few years you'll be lucky to remember her last name.
I love when the mot recent post in a thread covers my initial instinct.
That being said, how hot/cool/attractive is the girl in question as opposed by how cool/reliable/beneficial your friend is? Go with which ever weighs the most here. No offense, but if she's a bit of a dog it may just not be worth it (though it pays not to be picky.)
Khornholio wrote:@OP whatever you decide to do, never, ever, EVER, under any circumstances, tell her you asked a bunch of goons on a toy soldier forum for relationship advice.
That said, you should still try to nail it. Seriously, in a few years you'll be lucky to remember her last name.
I love when the mot recent post in a thread covers my initial instinct.
That being said, how hot/cool/attractive is the girl in question as opposed by how cool/reliable/beneficial your friend is? Go with which ever weighs the most here. No offense, but if she's a bit of a dog it may just not be worth it (though it pays not to be picky.)
If shes super hot and has been an amazing friend she would be worth it?
loota boy wrote: i'm starting to wonder if this girl is worth a friend i've known sence 6th grade.
I also think that if you're asking yourself that question, then no, it isn't. I think the honourable thing to do would be to distance yourself from her for your friends sake. If she asks why you aren't showing any interest, tell her why. Hopefully she'll be mature enough to understand and respect that. Your friend could be a friend for life, whereas this girl is likely just a temporary infatuation.
loota boy wrote:Ok, I have a friend who is a total introvert most of the time, and doesn't really reach out to people much. But awhile back he started looking in to this one girl, and because he's normally not very outgoing, i encouraged him to go for it even though i'd been looking at the same girl for a bit myself. I figured, Hey, i've dated plenty of girls, and this is a good chance for him to open up and step out of his comfort zone. But it's been 2 months now, and he hasn't made a shot at all. And all the while the girl has been coming on to me. I started to like her a lot more than i did before, but i wanted to give my friend a chance. But he still wouldn't really go for it. I asked him if he was still interested, and when he was gunna make a move, but he kept giving me really vague answers that didn't really mean anything. So i just figured he lost intrested, and started working towards her myself. But he saw me talking to her, and immediatly knew what i was doing. He got really mad at me, and we started fighting a bit. He said that he was gunna make a move, but i was starting to like this girl alot, and i didn't want to just back down an wait anouther month for him to work up the nerve to say hi to her in the hallway. I told him that i'd give him anouther week to go for it, but if he just kept staring at her and hoping she would just fall in her lap i was going to go for it. He called me an donkey-cave and a tool, and i called him spineless and a wuss. We haven't talked to each other sence, and i'm starting to wonder if this girl is worth a friend i've known sence 6th grade. The girl is great, and i really like her, but i don't know if it's worth it. I feel every bit of an donkey-cave and a tool while i write this, but god, i love that girl... What should i do?
He hasnt moved.
You want to.
You have nothing to concern yourself about regarding your male friend, perhaps he will learn something if you get on with her.
If you do and it works, all is well.
If you do and it doesnt work, you gave it a shot.
In either case you can explain you gave your friend a whole month and more to act, with encouragement. He will likely get over it and forgive you, in fact you have been a real friend to him.
If you dont go after her - you may (likely will) be wondering 'What if' for a very long time. Your freind will forget you gave him the extra time, because after all you werent going to go after her either, so its void.
Frankly you have far more to lose by not making a move.
Khornholio wrote:@OP whatever you decide to do, never, ever, EVER, under any circumstances, tell her you asked a bunch of goons on a toy soldier forum for relationship advice.
That said, you should still try to nail it. Seriously, in a few years you'll be lucky to remember her last name.
I love when the mot recent post in a thread covers my initial instinct.
That being said, how hot/cool/attractive is the girl in question as opposed by how cool/reliable/beneficial your friend is? Go with which ever weighs the most here. No offense, but if she's a bit of a dog it may just not be worth it (though it pays not to be picky.)
If shes super hot and has been an amazing friend she would be worth it?
Damn, this thread grew fast. Thanks for all the advice, i think im gunna go for it. I saw my friend the other day and he didn't seem all that hostile to me, in fact almost friendly. So it seems like he isn't really as in to her as i first made it out to be. Perhaps i can have my cake and eat it after all.
Ahh, the old Peter Parker, Harry Osborn and Mary Jane situation. Remember, if your friend never makes a move and you do, he will eventually gain super powers, reveal his identity to her, beat your dad up, steal the girl after you get her, then you will save his life from alien goo. And probably die doing it. It's been done before
timetowaste85 wrote:Ahh, the old Peter Parker, Harry Osborn and Mary Jane situation. Remember, if your friend never makes a move and you do, he will eventually gain super powers, reveal his identity to her, beat your dad up, steal the girl after you get her, then you will save his life from alien goo. And probably die doing it. It's been done before
This ^^
He'll give her an upside-down kiss, and she'll be lost to you forever.
timetowaste85 wrote:Ahh, the old Peter Parker, Harry Osborn and Mary Jane situation. Remember, if your friend never makes a move and you do, he will eventually gain super powers, reveal his identity to her, beat your dad up, steal the girl after you get her, then you will save his life from alien goo. And probably die doing it. It's been done before
A spider-man analogy in a dating advice thread. I do hope the irony of this is not lost on anyone
I would say forget about your friend and start dating her. After all, she was interested in you, not him. If your mate wants to stalk her until the end of his life, fine. But there is nothing preventing you to date a girl you like.
Besides, I somehow think that you will be a better boyfriend to her than your awkward friend who does not have the nerve to even approach her. If he refuses to be your friend because of one silly girl, he does not deserve to be your friend at all. (And he will forgive you soon enough, you can count on that.)
Battle Brother Ambrosius wrote:(And he will forgive you soon enough, you can count on that.)
Not true. My buddy found himself in the same boat - she was interested in him, not his wierd friend. Wierdo -was- nice, -was- normal, until buddy and the chick wierdo was after got together.
Before buddy and her were dating, wierdo once tried to B&E on them while they were doing the deed because he used to drive past her house several times a night and saw buddy's car ouside. Wierdo also stopped answering buddy's phone calls, and started spreading rumours about he and buddy's girlfriend going behind buddy's back. We went to the Ruckers he worked at to hang out, and he was working there that day. He hid in the supply closet the whole time we were there, and the guy he was working with was audibly screaming at him. In a Ruckers, that has to be pretty damn loud. He was fired and he now gives old people sponge baths at the hospital. No, I'm not kidding. He really does. But buddy still tries to call him from time to time and make amends.
Moral of the story is that you just can't judge someone on the surface.
Been in the situation before and when it comes down to it you are a teenager for chists sake, relationships and friendships now are little more than fun and should not be taken so seriously.
Battle Brother Ambrosius wrote:(And he will forgive you soon enough, you can count on that.)
Not true. My buddy found himself in the same boat - she was interested in him, not his wierd friend Wierdo -was- nice, -was- normal, until buddy and the chick wierdo was after got together.
Before buddy and her were dating, wierdo once tried to B&E on them while they were doing the deed because he used to drive past her house several times a night and saw buddy's car ouside. Wierdo also stopped answering buddy's phone calls, and started spreading rumours about he and buddy's girlfriend going behind buddy's back. We went to the Ruckers he worked at to hang out, and he was working there that day. He hid in the supply closet the whole time we were there, and the guy he was working at was audibly screaming at him. In a Ruckers, that has to be pretty damn loud. He was fired and he now gives old people sponge baths at the hospital. No, I'm not kidding. He really does. But buddy still tries to call him from time to time and make amends.
Moral of the story is that you just can't judge someone on the surface.
Owch. Sounds awful
But still, I guess that depends on the person whose crush you "steal". I was once in a situation like this myself. The girl was all over me, and I knew he was my mate's big crush. I decided to date her anyway, and me and my friend were in bad terms for about a month. After that, I approached him and said I was sorry and felt bad for him ( I really was). He forgave me and apologized in turn for getting mad at me. He told me that he had found another girl, who seemed to be interested in him. After that apology, we became friends again, and we see each other daily. He is still dating that girl he found while being mad at me.
I don't see what's hard about ditching someone your friend wants and just finding someone else. Unless you're really desperate and this is a rare thing that comes along or something.
Necroshea wrote:I don't see what's hard about ditching someone your friend wants and just finding someone else. Unless you're really desperate and this is a rare thing that comes along or something.
But still, if you ditch her, that does not automatically mean she will fall in love with your friend. I am 90% certain that she will either find someone else (not the stalking friend) and start dating him. Or then the friend will continue stalking her, and the only feeling she will ever have for him is either pity or discomfort.
So, we have three choices regarding the dithcing. either
A) Your friend will make a move, but since I would guess he has little to no experience with girls, it will be a one-week-romance. The one who ditched her and the stalker are unhappy.
B) The girl will not be interested at all/ the stalker never dares to make a move. Again the one who ditched her and the stalker are unhappy.
C) You start dating the girl, she likes you, you love her, and you are very happy. The stalker (probably) forgives you, and all of you are either happy or ok with it.
If he is really your friend and has this much trouble talking to women your really not being a very good friend by taking this woman, even if he doesn't have a chance in hell getting her.
I mean, unless she is super hot or has immense talents involving golf balls and garden hoses you can always just get some other woman.
Grabzak Dirtyfighter wrote:If he is really your friend and has this much trouble talking to women your really not being a very good friend by taking this woman, even if he doesn't have a chance in hell getting her.
I mean, unless she is super hot or has immense talents involving golf balls and garden hoses you can always just get some other woman.
Why should he have to give up on someone when his friend is making efforts to lay no claim on her? That's silly. Regardless if she has talents or not, someone attempting aforementioned garden hose activities is worth something if there are no other easy choices around.
Grabzak Dirtyfighter wrote:If he is really your friend and has this much trouble talking to women your really not being a very good friend by taking this woman, even if he doesn't have a chance in hell getting her.
I mean, unless she is super hot or has immense talents involving golf balls and garden hoses you can always just get some other woman.
Is his buddy being a much better friend by asking the guy to stand off to the side and watch him fail hard while guy himself actually has a chance in hell?
loota boy wrote:Ok, I have a friend who is a total introvert most of the time, and doesn't really reach out to people much. But awhile back he started looking in to this one girl, and because he's normally not very outgoing, i encouraged him to go for it even though i'd been looking at the same girl for a bit myself. I figured, Hey, i've dated plenty of girls, and this is a good chance for him to open up and step out of his comfort zone. But it's been 2 months now, and he hasn't made a shot at all. And all the while the girl has been coming on to me. I started to like her a lot more than i did before, but i wanted to give my friend a chance. But he still wouldn't really go for it. I asked him if he was still interested, and when he was gunna make a move, but he kept giving me really vague answers that didn't really mean anything. So i just figured he lost intrested, and started working towards her myself. But he saw me talking to her, and immediatly knew what i was doing. He got really mad at me, and we started fighting a bit. He said that he was gunna make a move, but i was starting to like this girl alot, and i didn't want to just back down an wait anouther month for him to work up the nerve to say hi to her in the hallway. I told him that i'd give him anouther week to go for it, but if he just kept staring at her and hoping she would just fall in her lap i was going to go for it. He called me an donkey-cave and a tool, and i called him spineless and a wuss. We haven't talked to each other sence, and i'm starting to wonder if this girl is worth a friend i've known sence 6th grade. The girl is great, and i really like her, but i don't know if it's worth it. I feel every bit of an donkey-cave and a tool while i write this, but god, i love that girl... What should i do?
How old are you?
If you're still in high school, then screw your friend, 6th grade isn't that long a time, and I can count the number of people from high school that I still talk to on one hand, even if four of the fingers were blown off...
Speaking as a real life introvert (internet doesn't count) he will most likely never ask her out.
If he is anything like me, the fear of rejection coupled with a poor self-image will ensure he stays single (and a virgin) long into his 20’s.
I like the friend zone, its so comfortable. No pressure about having to get anyone anything for Valentine's Day, no need to buy things that prevent accidental babies, and most importantly you have a friend.
But yeah, go ahead and go after her then. Your friend is just a shy introvert and possibly needs a girl to go after him, I'm mainly speaking out of personal experience although I eventually did get the courage to speak up and she thought I was a homosexual so that didn't work out well... at all.
Being an introvert isn't just being shy, its a complicated set of emotions. You begin to wonder what happens if she says yes, how do you carry on from there, what are you obligating yourself to, what if she says no, will she think you're a creep, will she stare at you whenever you walk by, will... Its just a constant set of questions without any real answers , and its more than just a lack of self-confidence its more of a not knowing what to do. Luckily I have a friend now who doesn't just tell me to "go for it" but is kind of coaching me on how to go about actually starting it on my own, but there is always the constantly nagging fear of not knowing what to do when something comes up. Why? Because you don't want to feth anything up out of fear that if you do you'll be mocked and made fun of.
That's what your friend is probably going through and he's looking at a long list of scenarios that he knows nothing about handling so he's not going to ask unless you give him some advice on how to go about doing so, did you even offer to act like a wing man?
Seriously, if you haven't considered acting like a wing man then don't try to be his friend, cut him loose and go after the girl.
This. I speak from experience too, I've only just come out of my shell and realized what an asshat I've been and how many opportunities I've thrown away (hell I'm still throwing them away), but I also happen to be in my early 20s (21 in fact), and apparently quite good looking, so all is not lost for me yet.
Anyway, in regards to friend zone, you can become friends after you start dating, but yes, you must be friends AND lovers for any relationship to work. In any case, mutual attraction is a window of opportunity, it increases w/ time, peaks, and its all downhill from there unless the two of you are committed, so either act soon or neither you nor your friend will be dating this girl.
Fact of the matter is that you gave your friend time and opportunity and he has done jack with it. It's like giving your friend the chance to buy the last sports car on the lot at a great price, but he refuses to actually put up the money for it. Its a great opportunity and both of you really want to buy it but you're waiting for him to make the decision. In the mean time, other potential customers are checking it out and maybe even test driving it.
And bro's before hoe's isn't an absolute rule, if it was that could theoretically ruin marriages. Besides that 'all is fair in love and war'. Well, not so much war, we have the Geneva Conventions there, but love... anything goes. You've played nice guy long enough, if you've known this guy for almost as long as you've been alive and you value his friendship that much then cut your losses and move on, there will be other girls. If you really like the girl that deeply and you've only known the guy a few years, then go for the girl. I doubt she is going to be 'the one' but you'll never know that if you don't try first. Besides, you never know, maybe your friend will quit being an asshat himself and realize that he's bein a whiny little bitch and a favorable output in a relationship requires some sort of actual input, and you too will stay friends anyway.
Tell this girl the facts.
I would not wreck a friendship over girl, but this guy seems a bit of a jerk. ask him if he really really 100% loves he or something, if he does, it might be wise to back off.
But, if the girl in question is already 'coming on to you' I think the chances of your buddy are somewhere in the single digits.
most of all, make sure she is not just a "Good time Girl" that is NOT worth losing a friendship over.
How do you define love? How do you know you're in love without having experienced it before? Yeah, its undefinable and unidentifiable. You can only think you love someone... if the OP is like 16 (and so is his friend) do you really think that he actually loves her? What are the chances that the romance (for either one of them) would really last that long? What are the chances that their friendship will really last? Statistically, most people will only keep in contact with one or two friends from high school for the duration of their lives, especially after college. At that, the friends that they stay in contact are usually not the ones that they start high school with. The friends I made in middle school and the start of high school are not the friends that I stayed close with throughout and after high school. The friends I made in my first year of college are not the friends I hung out with in the four years since and stayed in close contact with. People change w/ time, particularly in the 8 years between the start of high school and end of college. The friends that I've left college with are brothers to me and I'm way closer with them than any of the friends I've had previously, but even then I will only realistically maintain contact with a handful of them for the duration of my life.
In any case, assuming you do go for the girl, I hope your friend learns something from the experience, maybe it'll open his eyes and give him the drive he needs to pursue someone else in the future.
The only real consideration you need to make is if your friend is your wargaming buddy. Don't gak where you eat...
And finally,its impossible to wingman for a friend when the girl in question is interested in you and not the friend you are wingmaning for. It doesn't work that way, and there is nothing the OP can do aside from coaching from afar.
Necroshea wrote:I don't see what's hard about ditching someone your friend wants and just finding someone else. Unless you're really desperate and this is a rare thing that comes along or something.
But still, if you ditch her, that does not automatically mean she will fall in love with your friend. I am 90% certain that she will either find someone else (not the stalking friend) and start dating him. Or then the friend will continue stalking her, and the only feeling she will ever have for him is either pity or discomfort.
So, we have three choices regarding the dithcing. either
A) Your friend will make a move, but since I would guess he has little to no experience with girls, it will be a one-week-romance. The one who ditched her and the stalker are unhappy.
B) The girl will not be interested at all/ the stalker never dares to make a move. Again the one who ditched her and the stalker are unhappy.
C) You start dating the girl, she likes you, you love her, and you are very happy. The stalker (probably) forgives you, and all of you are either happy or ok with it.
Then there's D, that is not getting into the situation, ignoring the girl, be a friend. You know he's got issues, you know he likes the girl, so just because you have a better chance at it means you should get it? It's just a girl. OP doesn't have any special attraction to the girl but the friend does. OP is a bad friend. Sometimes you have to make sacrifices for friends, some big and some not so big. I seriously cannot fathom how a girl is anything other than a small matter.
OP says that his friend is not acting hostile now, but you don't know what he's thinking. For example, he likes the girl but isn't saying anything, so what's to say that he hates OP but won't say anything. It's how he is. If you seriously think a girl will ever be worth more than a friend, then there's no hope for you, so prepare to suffer a bit down the road.
And finally,its impossible to wingman for a friend when the girl in question is interested in you and not the friend you are wingmaning for. It doesn't work that way, and there is nothing the OP can do aside from coaching from afar.
That's the thing, from what I've read and from what I get the level of coaching he's been giving is similar to telling a boxer that he needs to punch the other guy to win.
He's had more than his chance. He won't ask her out if you give it longer, he'll procrastinate forever until she's taken by someone else. If anything, you taking her will just give him something to blame other than his own uselessness for not getting her for himself. She's showing interest in you, that's your cue to do something. Don't brush her off because your friend can't be bothered to make the effort.
And finally,its impossible to wingman for a friend when the girl in question is interested in you and not the friend you are wingmaning for. It doesn't work that way, and there is nothing the OP can do aside from coaching from afar.
That's the thing, from what I've read and from what I get the level of coaching he's been giving is similar to telling a boxer that he needs to punch the other guy to win.
Sometimes thats all you can do, especially when you have a conflict of interest. I personally would never accept nor trust advice from a source that is biased against my favor and possibly had something to gain from seeing me fail.
Besides that, it is very pertinent advice. The kid is never going to get anywhere if he doesn't throw a punch. Until he DOES throw a punch, its pretty hard to tell him if he should jab left or right hook...
I feel bad for his friend, people are always going to call him useless because he has a psychological condition that prevents him from asking a girl out, something that a lot of people take for granted. Its not that he's lazy or useless, its just that his mind is set in some way thanks to some thought process that is dictated by his mind's neuro-chemical processes.
There was a girl in high school I liked but I never asked out because I was always wondering why I wanted to ask her out. She came from a broken home and I wondered if I just wanted to date her to act like a knight in shining armor or if I really liked her. Then whenever I got the courage to ask her out she was always dating someone else. She always seemed happier when she was dating them so I didn't want to try to break them up because I was honestly happy that she was happy. I got her gifts for Christmas, and stuff that she actually liked and kept too, but I could never bring myself to ask her out because I always saw her happy with other guys. This was during four years of high school, and I finally built up the courage to do so after three years of college. But she was dating another guy and her life had turned around for the good, her family was more of a family and she was happy with her life and had stopped cutting herself. I look back at my life, that event was three years ago, and I lay awake at night sometimes wondering if I really missed out on something, wondering if I could've made her happier and then I decide that I have no right to decide who makes her happy and that choice is hers so if she felt like I was the one who would make her happy then she would ask me out.
Being "shy" or introverted is more complicated then not having dropped your balls or not manning up, its a constant thought process of over thinking situations and wanting the best for whoever you love even if the best person for them isn't you.
I really hate it when people try to simplify shy people as guys who just haven't had their balls drop or are unmanly. Shy people often suffer and will suffer for things they perceive as mistakes and they don't often get sympathy from anybody outside of their family. Hell I've never gotten sympathy from people in my family for being shy, they just wonder why I'm not dating anyone.
And to people who say he's gay, not all guys who are afraid to ask out girls are homosexuals.
I hate to say this or to curse anyone with this, but I have the right mind to say that I want some people to have kids who are shy as hell just so they could understand a little bit.
That might not be good, what if she hates Space Marine players and he has a Space Marine army. She might yell at him for supporting an army of cheese or being uncreative.
Stick it in sworl it around and if things go bad; trust me there will be other girls, and friends for that matter. Very few of us have the same friends out whole life.
Bone her, your friend will probably recover from the jealousy just don't bring it up around him. Also if you need a wing-man to get a girl you're probably fethed, you need to learn to woo the ladies on your own
having a wing-man just makes you look incompetent.
halonachos wrote:I feel bad for his friend, people are always going to call him useless because he has a psychological condition that prevents him from asking a girl out, something that a lot of people take for granted. Its not that he's lazy or useless, its just that his mind is set in some way thanks to some thought process that is dictated by his mind's neuro-chemical processes.
There was a girl in high school I liked but I never asked out because I was always wondering why I wanted to ask her out. She came from a broken home and I wondered if I just wanted to date her to act like a knight in shining armor or if I really liked her. Then whenever I got the courage to ask her out she was always dating someone else. She always seemed happier when she was dating them so I didn't want to try to break them up because I was honestly happy that she was happy. I got her gifts for Christmas, and stuff that she actually liked and kept too, but I could never bring myself to ask her out because I always saw her happy with other guys. This was during four years of high school, and I finally built up the courage to do so after three years of college. But she was dating another guy and her life had turned around for the good, her family was more of a family and she was happy with her life and had stopped cutting herself. I look back at my life, that event was three years ago, and I lay awake at night sometimes wondering if I really missed out on something, wondering if I could've made her happier and then I decide that I have no right to decide who makes her happy and that choice is hers so if she felt like I was the one who would make her happy then she would ask me out.
Being "shy" or introverted is more complicated then not having dropped your balls or not manning up, its a constant thought process of over thinking situations and wanting the best for whoever you love even if the best person for them isn't you.
I really hate it when people try to simplify shy people as guys who just haven't had their balls drop or are unmanly. Shy people often suffer and will suffer for things they perceive as mistakes and they don't often get sympathy from anybody outside of their family. Hell I've never gotten sympathy from people in my family for being shy, they just wonder why I'm not dating anyone.
And to people who say he's gay, not all guys who are afraid to ask out girls are homosexuals.
I hate to say this or to curse anyone with this, but I have the right mind to say that I want some people to have kids who are shy as hell just so they could understand a little bit.
I am an introvert too, and find it extremely difficult to talk to girls that i pericieve to be friends. Not because i am afraid of them but because It feels like someone is constantly watching you and it makes you feel extremely uncomfortable to be around other people and then you can't really talk because your too embrassed.
Just talk to your friend and support him to get the girl. Also if anything happens during the relationship its not like he has any chance of shapdoinking her.
As an example I was recently involved with this girl. I ask her if she and I can talk priviately. No We didn't do that. We talked and talked and talked and talked.. We enjoyed each others company, but she told me "But in all honesty give up all chances of becoming my boyfriend because that is not happening." "Fine, I vow it. But if you want to date me, deals off and you have to ask me out." "Highly unlikely Cameron, But okay." *winner* 2 months later she gets into a relationship, the relationship ends badly. I close lined her boyfriend 4 months later at school. (1 week ago.)
If anything help him out. Tell him to man up and ask the girl out. You only like her right now because. Well lets put it in this analogy. I have a big cookie you like that cookie. But I don't want to eat it, because it makes me feel embrassed to eat it in front of you. You want the cookie, You steal the cookie from me. Slapping it out of my hands and gleefully flipping me off. I get sad and kick you in the balls. That is basically what is happening. Let him have the cookie is what i am saying.
Nothing feels worse than having a high school crush girl walking away with another guy, you kinda feel betrayed. Of course no one does that to me in fear of in-sighting a rebellion.
I got a question, if your into a girl why would you send your budy after her instead. It's just a fight waiting to happen.?
And I would say leave it. A girl ur with for a few months isn't worth a friendship you've had since 6th grade. I know when you hit that lovey dubby stage it seems like there isn't gunna be anyone else but that's were the maturity and being an adult should kick in.
wowsmash wrote:I got a question, if your into a girl why would you send your budy after her instead. It's just a fight waiting to happen.?
And I would say leave it. A girl ur with for a few months isn't worth a friendship you've had since 6th grade. I know when you hit that lovey dubby stage it seems like there isn't gunna be anyone else but that's were the maturity and being an adult should kick in.
You should reverse the question. If you start dating a girl your friend does not approve and leaves you forever for that, then what does that friendship mean to HIM? If your friend ditches you just because of that, then he is not a friend at all. It is like your mother saying to you before your marriage that "You should leave that girl, I don't want you to like her! If you don't, I will never speak to you again."
If you let your friend control your personal life that much, then I would say you are even more apathic than he is. One must remember that there is friendship, and then there is bossing. I bet he would not go in front of a stranger dating his crush and demand that he leaves his girl alone. The only thing why he tells you to back off is because he is so bitter to himself for not having the courage to talk to the girl before she fell in love with you.
Automatically Appended Next Post:
Necroshea wrote:
Battle Brother Ambrosius wrote:
Necroshea wrote:I don't see what's hard about ditching someone your friend wants and just finding someone else. Unless you're really desperate and this is a rare thing that comes along or something.
But still, if you ditch her, that does not automatically mean she will fall in love with your friend. I am 90% certain that she will either find someone else (not the stalking friend) and start dating him. Or then the friend will continue stalking her, and the only feeling she will ever have for him is either pity or discomfort.
So, we have three choices regarding the dithcing. either
A) Your friend will make a move, but since I would guess he has little to no experience with girls, it will be a one-week-romance. The one who ditched her and the stalker are unhappy.
B) The girl will not be interested at all/ the stalker never dares to make a move. Again the one who ditched her and the stalker are unhappy.
C) You start dating the girl, she likes you, you love her, and you are very happy. The stalker (probably) forgives you, and all of you are either happy or ok with it.
Then there's D, that is not getting into the situation, ignoring the girl, be a friend. You know he's got issues, you know he likes the girl, so just because you have a better chance at it means you should get it? It's just a girl. OP doesn't have any special attraction to the girl but the friend does. OP is a bad friend. Sometimes you have to make sacrifices for friends, some big and some not so big. I seriously cannot fathom how a girl is anything other than a small matter.
OP says that his friend is not acting hostile now, but you don't know what he's thinking. For example, he likes the girl but isn't saying anything, so what's to say that he hates OP but won't say anything. It's how he is. If you seriously think a girl will ever be worth more than a friend, then there's no hope for you, so prepare to suffer a bit down the road.
I actually don't care if a friend of mine leaves me because of a girl. It's his loss, not mine.
wowsmash wrote:And I would say leave it. A girl ur with for a few months isn't worth a friendship you've had since 6th grade.
Why do you assume he'd only be with her for only a few months? Quite a damned few relationships last longer.
If his friendship with that boy (and he is surely merely a boy if he'd dump their friendship over his own indecisiveness-- not a guy and certainly not a man) is on the line, then it's not a very deep friendship in the first place.
Battle Brother Ambrosius wrote:I actually don't care if a friend of mine leaves me because of a girl. It's his loss, not mine.
If you truly feel no loss when a friend leaves you, your friend was deceived into thinking he had a friend in the first place.
I feel no loss if my friend leaves me for a stupid thing like that. I would understand if I had stolen his wife or something, but a girl who is interested in me in the first place? Nah.
I can't tell you what to do but what I would do in this situation and Ive had this conversation with a couple girls. I don't mind being there friend but my friendship comes first. I have a hands off approach on any previous girlfriend or any girl my friends are interested in regardless of how long it takes them to ask. I consider it the honorable thing to do. If this was a case of him just getting mad at you if you didn't know he liked the girl it would be different but you said you encouraged ur friend first.
The other thing you have to think about is the girl may be watching you as well. If you drop your friend for your own desires then that may reflect poorly on your character. It's my experience that people treate their family and loved ones the same way they treate there friends.
If I was in your position I would say be the better friend and continue to help your friend be more social. If you side swipe him he may become more anti social as a result. In the end it's up to u
This is the best advice in this thread. Hit her with your full frontal nerdity and get it out of the way.
If she likes it, she's a keeper.
If not, then it's probably not the toys. You're probably a bad person and should feel bad.
To be 100% clear. Your buddy has had his chance. the girl seems to have made her choice. Go for it.
That isn't what would make you a bad person. I was talking about all of the other stuff you did that makes you a bad person. YOU know what you did.
I'm with Kronk here. I was in the exact same situation with my best buddy in high school. He liked this girl but was too chicken to say anything. She and I got to know one another and began to hit it off, but I continued to stay aloof and let him have his chance. Two months later, I gave him the ultimatum and a week after that, he was still gathering courage so I asked her out. She and I dated, he got pissed (expectedly) and didn't talk to me anymore. She wanted to know why so I told her and a week after that we were broken up and she was dating him. Sucks huh?
Not so fast...
She dumped him about a month later, she and I stayed good friends. After more than a few years, boyfriends for her, and girlfriends for me later, we decide to give it another go, being more mature and understanding of each other's faults. A few years after that, we're married. Seven years later and I can't think of anyone else I'd rather be with. The guy who was my friend at the time married a girl he had a "one-night stand" with and remains trapped in a miserable marriage, just like Ferris says is going to happen to Cameron.
This is the best advice in this thread. Hit her with your full frontal nerdity and get it out of the way.
If she likes it, she's a keeper.
If not, then it's probably not the toys. You're probably a bad person and should feel bad.
To be 100% clear. Your buddy has had his chance. the girl seems to have made her choice. Go for it.
That isn't what would make you a bad person. I was talking about all of the other stuff you did that makes you a bad person. YOU know what you did.
I'm with Kronk here. I was in the exact same situation with my best buddy in high school. He liked this girl but was too chicken to say anything. She and I got to know one another and began to hit it off, but I continued to stay aloof and let him have his chance. Two months later, I gave him the ultimatum and a week after that, he was still gathering courage so I asked her out. She and I dated, he got pissed (expectedly) and didn't talk to me anymore. She wanted to know why so I told her and a week after that we were broken up and she was dating him. Sucks huh?
Not so fast...
She dumped him about a month later, she and I stayed good friends. After more than a few years, boyfriends for her, and girlfriends for me later, we decide to give it another go, being more mature and understanding of each other's faults. A few years after that, we're married. Seven years later and I can't think of anyone else I'd rather be with. The guy who was my friend at the time married a girl he had a "one-night stand" with and remains trapped in a miserable marriage, just like Ferris says is going to happen to Cameron.
for a second i thought you were talking about me hahaha.
Everybody is to focused on the girl and ignoring the main problem with the friend. Sometimes it's difficult to tell the difference between a person being an introvert, a young guy not knowing how to relate to women/deal with women, and a guy lacking in self confidence.
Not knowing how to talk to women, deal with women, or relate to women is an easy fix. The guy just needs a female friend(s), and once a guy goes into the "friend zone" with a woman the problem should be resolved (unless the guy is a thick headed troglodyte)
Being an introvert is not a problem, and it can't be fixed. Introverts can successfully date, marry, relate to women, and have plenty of self confidence. Being an introvert is only a problem for a young man if he doesn't know how to talk to women and lacks self confidence. Then the real problem becomes the lack of self confidence.
A lack of self confidence is difficult to fix, and it's a total deal killer with most women. Confidence is so important to women that the most common dating mistake women make is they notice a real jerk's confidence before they notice the guy is a total dick. A real lack of confidence is about as attractive as halitosis, funky body odor, or a giant herpes blister on a guy's lip. Given the choice between dating a guy with no confidence that is figuratively spineless or dating a nice guy that is self confident but in a wheelchair because he has a literal spinal cord injury the guy in the wheel chair will probably get a date before the guy with no confidence.
Bottom line=Your friend needs to work on his self confidence. I would suggest a few things.
Stick him in the friend zone with some girls or older women. It's not hard to teach a young guy to be comfortable talking to the opposite sex, and once they start talking to women most young men are quick to pick up on the fact that it's just as easy to talk to women as it is to men.
Don't hit it with that girl right now. It's not going to help your friend's self confidence if a friend he trusts screws him over by snatching up a girl he's interested in. The OP sounds like he has no trouble dating, so just spend a little bit of time/effort to get a different girlfriend. By the time that relationship ends you could probably go back and try to date the girl in question, but now is not a good time because it would have a negative effect on your friend's confidence.
Building up your friend's self confidence is going to be a long and difficult task that can only be done if he is motivated to change. It should also be treated with the same honesty you would give to bad breath. Saying "Dude your breath stinks" or "She's never going to date you because you lack self confidence" are brutal things to say to a friend, but if nobody says anything the person will never change. The first step to helping a friend fix a problem is enlightening him to the fact he has a problem.
Nah, Schadenfreude, it has been discussed and the best course of action is to go after the girl who has expressed feelings for the OP. His friend probably won't like him for it, but he'll eventually get over it... hopefully.
halonachos wrote:the best course of action is to go after the girl who has expressed feelings for the OP.
No, it's not. There is no best course. All solutions have a pro, as well as a con. All can go well, all can end terribly.
The best solution is one that makes everyone happy.
lol
Making everyone happy is a myth...like the Loch ness monster and bigfoot...but that's hardly something I would want to get into on a relationship thread on a wargaming site
marv335 wrote:Of course, you could take the approach we used on a mate of mine.
Take him to Amsterdam, Get him drunk and laid.
best hundred euros we ever spent.
halonachos wrote:the best course of action is to go after the girl who has expressed feelings for the OP.
No, it's not. There is no best course. All solutions have a pro, as well as a con. All can go well, all can end terribly.
The best solution is one that makes everyone happy.
lol
Making everyone happy is a myth...like the Loch ness monster and bigfoot...but that's hardly something I would want to get into on a relationship thread on a wargaming site
Its a double edged sword dude. no one can have a happy ending if there is always pros and cons. someone somewhere is going to have their feelings hurt. Its a fact of life.
Alot of people know my mess, i was the one that went home with a sword through the heart. Of course it was my own sword so its kinda of ironic.
:\
Anyway teach the guy a lesson and tell him he has to move quicker next time.
Necroshea wrote:No, it's not. There is no best course.
Bullgak there ain't.
There's a best course. Just cause every action has a pro and a con doesn't mean that all actions are equal. Me punching my professors in the face until they give me a good grade is cetainly a worse action than me actually studying and worknig hard to get that good grade. Of those two, and many others such as cheating or copying or faking it, the studying decision is still the best.
There's a best course for relationships too. It's just that we don't always know what it is-- not even afterwards.
Let say we are in firefight and we have you pinned down at some cover. Would you rather....
A) Stay where you are waiting for a bit then running out into more cover to get to a better vantage point.
B) You see a big gun turret. Your squad tells you not to go because it is too dangerous
C) You say screw it and run out guns and blazing towards the enemy.
Now lets put this into girl terms
A) Lose A Friend, Gain a Girlfriend
B) Keep Both Friend and Have him date your friend who is a girl. But you know that the relationship won't last.
C) Lose both your friends
D) Gain a Girlfriend and amend the relationship after you have told them both about the situation and that he should at least try. Of course you telling her be for hand. Her already knowing will say no and then she tells him she is not his type of girl he wants.
Trust me when I say this; Nothing you do during High School will matter down the road.
For instance, I was reviled in High School, but the moment I got out into the work force, people loved me. I had to hug the walls in high school, but I was voted Employee of the Month unanomously by everyone there. People avoided me like the plague at High School, and yet I can't seem to get away from anyone at work.
Girls hated me at school, all of them I asked out outright rejected me, or acted like total bitches during/after. I asked this girl out once, and she started this entire campain to call me "Creepy" and "A Total douche", and the kicker was she saw me every day.
In church.....
And she even got her parents to "crusade" against me....
Now, I'm being told I'm a handsome, awesome, "nice peice of ass", all that jazz.
Now, remember; Nothing you do in high school will matter down the road.
Slarg232 wrote:Trust me when I say this; Nothing you do during High School will matter down the road.
/thread
Really, you're in highschool, have some fun and not worry about what friends/girls...after I left highschool I only talk to 1 of my friends...well 2 but I only talk to him on Xbox live...
Melissia wrote:As an aside, shouldn't you also become her friend as well as her girlfriend? I know that probably sounds odd, but it isn't going to end well if you aren't her friend outside of the relationship (at best you'll have an unhappy marriage where you two ignore eachother most of the time).
Wait, what? Why? He's 16. Nothing good is going to come from that.
Automatically Appended Next Post:
Nerivant wrote:
rubiksnoob wrote:Just don't come back and start another I-need-advice-thread in nine months.
Slarg232 wrote:Trust me when I say this; Nothing you do during High School will matter down the road.
For instance, I was reviled in High School, but the moment I got out into the work force, people loved me. I had to hug the walls in high school, but I was voted Employee of the Month unanomously by everyone there. People avoided me like the plague at High School, and yet I can't seem to get away from anyone at work.
Girls hated me at school, all of them I asked out outright rejected me, or acted like total bitches during/after. I asked this girl out once, and she started this entire campain to call me "Creepy" and "A Total douche", and the kicker was she saw me every day.
In church.....
And she even got her parents to "crusade" against me....
Now, I'm being told I'm a handsome, awesome, "nice peice of ass", all that jazz.
Now, remember; Nothing you do in high school will matter down the road.
Sounds kinda like me hahaha, 'cept I'm still kinda wary of females in general, I enjoy catching them checking me out more than I like actually bothering with them.
You like Girl.
Girl has expressed interest in you.
Correct so far?
You have a mate who has expressed interest in Girl.
You encouraged said Mate to pounce her like a hungry animal.
It has been two months, and he still hasn't made a move.
Again, correct so far?
When you started to chat her up, he got angry.
He got even angrier when you told him he has yet to make a move in two months.
He STILL has not talked to said girl.
Correct?
You are going to College.
She is going to the same College you are going to.
All of this is 100% true?
Automatically Appended Next Post:
chaos0xomega wrote:
Slarg232 wrote:Trust me when I say this; Nothing you do during High School will matter down the road.
For instance, I was reviled in High School, but the moment I got out into the work force, people loved me. I had to hug the walls in high school, but I was voted Employee of the Month unanomously by everyone there. People avoided me like the plague at High School, and yet I can't seem to get away from anyone at work.
Girls hated me at school, all of them I asked out outright rejected me, or acted like total bitches during/after. I asked this girl out once, and she started this entire campain to call me "Creepy" and "A Total douche", and the kicker was she saw me every day.
In church.....
And she even got her parents to "crusade" against me....
Now, I'm being told I'm a handsome, awesome, "nice peice of ass", all that jazz.
Now, remember; Nothing you do in high school will matter down the road.
Sounds kinda like me hahaha, 'cept I'm still kinda wary of females in general, I enjoy catching them checking me out more than I like actually bothering with them.
Oh man, dem wimminz be crazy. I truely do not understand them.
You like Girl.
Girl has expressed interest in you.
Correct so far?
You have a mate who has expressed interest in Girl.
You encouraged said Mate to pounce her like a hungry animal.
It has been two months, and he still hasn't made a move.
Again, correct so far?
When you started to chat her up, he got angry.
He got even angrier when you told him he has yet to make a move in two months.
He STILL has not talked to said girl.
Correct?
You are going to College.
She is going to the same College you are going to.
All of this is 100% true?
Automatically Appended Next Post:
chaos0xomega wrote:
Slarg232 wrote:Trust me when I say this; Nothing you do during High School will matter down the road.
For instance, I was reviled in High School, but the moment I got out into the work force, people loved me. I had to hug the walls in high school, but I was voted Employee of the Month unanomously by everyone there. People avoided me like the plague at High School, and yet I can't seem to get away from anyone at work.
Girls hated me at school, all of them I asked out outright rejected me, or acted like total bitches during/after. I asked this girl out once, and she started this entire campain to call me "Creepy" and "A Total douche", and the kicker was she saw me every day.
In church.....
And she even got her parents to "crusade" against me....
Now, I'm being told I'm a handsome, awesome, "nice peice of ass", all that jazz.
Now, remember; Nothing you do in high school will matter down the road.
Sounds kinda like me hahaha, 'cept I'm still kinda wary of females in general, I enjoy catching them checking me out more than I like actually bothering with them.
Oh man, dem wimminz be crazy. I truely do not understand them.
I'm pretty sure women aren't as irrational as some men make them out to be after-all, us males can be hard to understand as well just we aren't hitting on each other like we do with the ladies.
Cannerus_The_Unbearable wrote:
You're doing it wrong?
Emma Stone wrote:
Where am I going to be approached? Walking down the street? I don’t go to a lot of bars. I don’t think men pick up women the way they used to -- with pickup lines in bars and that kind of thing. Most of the guys I know don’t approach women like that anymore. Women figured that out a long time ago. But I do see “the game.” That “insult, compliment, insult, compliment, insult, compliment” game. That’s the new pickup line -- “the game.” And it works.
She's right, though some people might still consider that "hitting".
Cannerus_The_Unbearable wrote:
You're doing it wrong?
Emma Stone wrote:
Where am I going to be approached? Walking down the street? I don’t go to a lot of bars. I don’t think men pick up women the way they used to -- with pickup lines in bars and that kind of thing. Most of the guys I know don’t approach women like that anymore. Women figured that out a long time ago. But I do see “the game.” That “insult, compliment, insult, compliment, insult, compliment” game. That’s the new pickup line -- “the game.” And it works.
She's right, though some people might still consider that "hitting".
I've had success both ways, honestly. At the bar earlier a couple was trying to pick up me and the mistress through flattery and cheesy anecdotes, though that might not be what we're talking about here. The game really does work though.
Uhm guys? You do realise OP replied on pg3 (or was it 4?) and said he was going to give it a go Just a heads-up.
Course if he was still undecided I would've said give it a go. The friend's taking too long and the moment will leave. Then again I'm not exactly in a position to give advice... I've never had a girlfriend... oh well.
Juvieus Kaine wrote:Uhm guys? You do realise OP replied on pg3 (or was it 4?) and said he was going to give it a go Just a heads-up.
Course if he was still undecided I would've said give it a go. The friend's taking too long and the moment will leave. Then again I'm not exactly in a position to give advice... I've never had a girlfriend... oh well.
Same here, just been looking at this thread for advice and I think il start my own thread.
That aside if she goes out with him, congrats you have suceeded.
You like Girl.
Girl has expressed interest in you.
Correct so far?
You have a mate who has expressed interest in Girl.
You encouraged said Mate to pounce her like a hungry animal.
It has been two months, and he still hasn't made a move.
Again, correct so far?
When you started to chat her up, he got angry.
He got even angrier when you told him he has yet to make a move in two months.
He STILL has not talked to said girl.
Correct?
You are going to College.
She is going to the same College you are going to.
All of this is 100% true?
.
You talking to me? Or the OP?
I was involved a situation similar but i stood back and watched the thing unfold. Which on my part was really dumb.
My situation now is completely different.
I think you should give your friend a chance, and explain what you explained to us to him. You have dated plenty of girls, but he hasn't dated any. Explain that he should talk more and be more 'out going'
hey, you still have plenty of chances, but he only has one shot, otherwise he might forever remain solitary if he fails.
I say OP should do it. His friend won't make the move anyway. If he wouldn't make it the first time, it's not like anything in him will suddenly change to make it work another two months from now. If anything, it might encourage him to man up a little, even if it does make him angry for a while.
Hey guys, things are lookin' good. I've got the girl, so thats great. My friend is getting pretty anal over it, but i've talked to his only other friend, and he says he thinks he'll be alright. Lets hope so.
loota boy wrote:Hey guys, things are lookin' good. I've got the girl, so thats great. My friend is getting pretty anal over it, but i've talked to his only other friend, and he says he thinks he'll be alright. Lets hope so.
Well, that's good news. Hopefully things heal over with your bud though.
Many years ago when I was the OP's age, I had a friend who liked a girl. I spent all my time trying to hook them up. I failed. The girl, it turned out, really liked me instead, and eventually got frustrated at my apparent denseness and gave up.
My buddy and I are still friends, and both he and I agree that I should have gone for it and I was a wuss for not doing it.
Here is the thing: as long as you are upfront and not cheating, true friendship can survive competition over girls. That, in my opinion, is the true meaning of bros before hoes. But that's just me.
halonachos wrote:I'm mainly speaking out of personal experience although I eventually did get the courage to speak up and she thought I was a homosexual so that didn't work out well... at all.
That sounds like a great ending to the "very Special Episode" of some 80's sitcom.
loota boy wrote:Hey guys, things are lookin' good. I've got the girl, so thats great. My friend is getting pretty anal over it, but i've talked to his only other friend, and he says he thinks he'll be alright. Lets hope so.
Nut him
Nah, leave your mate alone for his free space, he'll be fine. It's his fault anyway for being a wuss
Oh and loota boy how did you ask a girl out. Im trying desperately to ask a girl out but she keeps declining Which is very frustrating, so how did you do it?
This seems like the place to tell you guys a story, pull up a chair and listen.
Basically, I went up to this girl and said
"tell me, is your name as beautiful as your face"
turns out she is the girlfriend of someone I know,
AWKWARD.
happygolucky wrote:Good luck with your new Girlfriend.
Oh and loota boy how did you ask a girl out. Im trying desperately to ask a girl out but she keeps declining Which is very frustrating, so how did you do it?
I usually say "Want to hangout sometime?" and ask for there number and give yours as well, If you end up hanging out with the girl on a semi-regular basis (or if she starts asking to hangout) after that, then
she's probably into you, if she's being very flaky she probably doesn't want to have an relationship (except maybe someone to talk to but that's about it) or if she keeps rejecting your first offer then she's
DukeBadham wrote:This seems like the place to tell you guys a story, pull up a chair and listen.
Basically, I went up to this girl and said
"tell me, is your name as beautiful as your face"
turns out she is the girlfriend of someone I know,
AWKWARD.
Honestly, I doubt having a boyfriend had anything to do with it. Just going up to someone and saying something so cheesy will make anyone feel really awkward. Pickup lines never work. Especially when they're as bad as that one.
happygolucky wrote:Good luck with your new Girlfriend.
Oh and loota boy how did you ask a girl out. Im trying desperately to ask a girl out but she keeps declining Which is very frustrating, so how did you do it?
I usually say "Want to hangout sometime?" and ask for there number and give yours as well, If you end up hanging out with the girl on a semi-regular basis (or if she starts asking to hangout) after that, then
she's probably into you, if she's being very flaky she probably doesn't want to have an relationship (except maybe someone to talk to but that's about it) or if she keeps rejecting your first offer then she's
1: giving a lot of 'flak' (Slang for Anti Aircraft fire, can be used as 'bitching' about something to)
2: flakey. (dumb, ditzy, bimbo)
Not for nothing my grade-school name was 'Dictionary'
Meant flakey which means unreliable, fickle and/or forgetful. Basically if the girl is forgetting a lot of your arrangements or makes a lot of excuses for why she can't hang with you she probably doesn't want to be
around you, also you will almost always be the one calling or asking her out if she' not into you.
I can see that this thread will ultimately decend into massive internet anarchy. Seeing as my conflict is resolved, and there isn't much more to go into, a mod could probably go ahead and lock this now.
And comment of the year goes to... 
...Let's not generalize here Shadow...not everyone who picks up some dice is unfamilar with the dating world.
I wouldn't ask her only because I am an Introvert and there are tons of fish in the sea.
