should contain gaudy

armored vehicles with

Impossible weapon loadouts

and exorbitant prices.

Meanwhile, in your

Anus, another huge

pain there, is

the natural result

of large amounts

undigested bones and

that neon green

alien probing device.

You really should

get away quick

if you want

to keep your

soul and mind

. Otherwise, you may

find yourself scratching

your head, and

drinking gallons of

fast-acting laxatives.

Do you think

you could possibly

remember to put

the toilet seat

back on the

bowl after you

are finished doing

that which should

best be forgotten.

But while we

are talking about

Cheese yes please

we should also

discuss Cheddar, Gouda,

and Space Wolves.

Those wretched curs

wear the fur

of endangered alien

puppies and gerbils.

Such fashion choices

caused outrage among

the Kroot mercenaries

and PETA, who

sent a letter

on Knarloc skin

to Games Workshop

who curtly replied

"Oooh, that's nice!"

If the fur

was made of

thick, nostril hair

then I would

blow my nose

and contribute to

The Games Workshop

line of snot

in the sand

colored technical paints.

Such paints help

Nurgle players to

spend their money

At an even

more absurd rate.

Games workshop's motto

has always been

Money for the...

shareholder's dividend payment

. This has created

a huge gap

in asset allocation

for frothing players.

And their bank

accounts have become

barren wastelands of

shattered dreams and

dashed hopes again.

Fortunately, they can

sell blood and

various other fluids

in order to

raise the necessary

"liquidity" needed for

their new plastic

Kick Starter project.

Speaking of Kickstarter

I once saw

a bright light

at the end

of a tunnel.

Which turned out

to actually be

my realization that

a giant firefly

was slowly backing

up the driveway.

Dingo dogs ate

every last one

Of my chickens

while I was

busy hunting pythons.

Pythons are invasive

but so are

alien rectal probes.

Between the Two,

I would choose

to take my

chances with the

scaly, yet docile

Pythons, because they

don't probe your

Federal tax returns

when you're elected.

Flinging monkey poop

is halarious when

someone else is

the priority target.

Just be sure

you wear your

long woolen underwear

when the mood

is just right.

Hammerhead sharks swim

in ravenous schools

, near the lockers

of Davey Jones.

Not the Monkee

singer of prefab

1960's pop hits

like 'Valeri' and

"I'm a Believer."

as those hits

that would make

any sane man

tap his toes

and snap his

gym towel at

the nearest unsuspecting

unmarked police car.

Such behavior usually

invites stern response

from those targeted

unless thay have

been properly trained

to haul ass

or wear thick

lensed glasses that

inspire sympathy from

even professional bullies.

My new motto

is "Never show

my bald spot

off in public."

This sage advice

has allowed me

to entertain chipmonks

with sock puppets

without raising suspicion

of my true

Fiendishly clever plot

to surreptitiously influence

rodent minds with

offers of immunity

to any who

"rat" on their

And we're diced

Were

This responce was moved here by unknown forces ignore it

What the hell?

My thoughts exactly.

I'll pick it back up where it was pre whatever that was.

"rat" on their

furry little compatriots.

The beauty of

silly string is

reaching the heights

of silliness when

rapidly deployed in

zero gravity environments.

If a can

should suddenly explode

always remember to

leave the area

or suffer the

terrible repercussions of

your intended target.

Another great idea

involves eating tofu

without a net

while simultaneously juggling

bags of pus

while riding a

big, ugly, dinosaur.

I saw a

bright shiny thing

lying on the

floor, next to

my foot, so

I flicked it

toward my cat

while it wasn't

looking. Hilarity ensued

as it morphed

into a screeching

mass of feline

fur and claws.

Regrettably I decided

to bathe with

a box jellyfish.

I should be

more careful when

engaging in any

sort of activities

which may require

immediate medical attention.

Walking it off

Is not an

effective remedy for

stinging jelleyfish welts.

I suddenly decided

to pack my

Large green can

of liquefied Spam

and set off

to the garage

Where I began

to strain it

into the crankcase

of an old

Dodge Hemi engine.

I then proceeded

to replace the

gasoline with gravy

because Cleatus said

It would create

A more balanced

bouquet of aromas

and improve mileage.

I once read

a bathroom wall

and found a

rather raunchy limmerick

, which was the

basis for my

graduate thesis on

the history of

maritime lyrical history.

Upon finding a

hidden trap door

, he looked in

and something looked

back with glowing

red eyes and

really foul breath.

He slowly reached

for the Listerine

although he doubted

oral hygiene was

on it's mind.

Listerine 'Total Care'

proved to be

totally useless unless

set afire with

a mixture of

Gasoline and matches.

Speaking of pyrotechnics,

I recently discovered

A way to

incinerate large quantities

of fire ants

while eating nachos

without even trying.

Using only queso,

Old El Paso,

and Ford Ranchero

I managed to

create a heavenly

dish of pasta

which combined culinary

ingenuity and creative

feats of engineering.

There's an old

saying which goes

A Penny saved

isn't worth much

until it grows

into a vast

horde of unimaginable

coins in a

gargantuan piggy bank.

If you choose

wisely, you will

pick your nose

from a selection

of Hollywood prosthetics

offered by vendors

of genuine artifacts

from Jimmy Durante's

Proboscis History Museum.

Three young ladies