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Hey guys, I was at work with nothing to do as per usual, and I found myself flipping through one of my students' political science books. I realized just how disillusioned I had become with two-party democracy, and came to the only logical conclusion.

I want to found a new country, with myself as a constitutional monarch.

I realize that this is a far-reaching goal. I will likely need to pursue a masters and probably a doctorate in political science, as well as other degrees in economics and infrastructure so I have some sort of idea what I'm doing. I'll need a lawyer to help me draft the constitution. I will need to surround myself with good people knowledgeable in fields I am unfamiliar with and form them in to a cabinet of sorts. This cabinet will advise me and see over each specific branch of the federal jurisdiction (education, healthcare, defense/police, agriculture, treasury etc).

I have also given some thought to a parliament/supreme court of elected officials. They will have plenty of power (the ability to submit bills, ratify legal documents, and veto me in some cases), but will also be held to strict regulations. They will not be term limited, but instead will have to take a one-term "break" from parliament every two terms. They will be decided by simple popular vote. I'm not quite sure what the criteria should be for the number of serving members or how long their terms should be.

Of course, I will need land to establish this nation. Currently there are many private islands for sale, some with several thousand acres. I'm looking primarily off the coast of Central/South America and Africa as they probably wouldn't mind some random rich dude declaring sovereignty quite as much. However, islands cost millions of dollars. Where am I going to get that kind of money? I'll get to that.

To become a citizen is simple. You must either be born in my country, be a legal minor (I'm thinking 16 and under) and have a parent who is a citizen, or you can take a brief but informative general aptitude test much like the SAT. You then must be interviewed by an immigration board appointed by me. I can, of course, override a decision in extreme cases. If the applicant is determined to be capable of being a productive member of society, then they are admitted to the country as a citizen following a thorough background check.

Judicially speaking, I'm thinking we shouldn't even bother trying to legislate morality. I'll use the U.S. judicial system as a basis, and drop most of the crimes generally considered to be "victimless". Due to space being at a premium on a tiny island nation, incarceration sentences greater than six months and less than ten years will instead be temporary exile, after which the convicted individual must reapply for citizenship. Any incarceration sentence greater than ten years will likely be permanent banishment.

I'm planning to raise funds for this venture by rallying likeminded individuals to my banner. I'll run the numbers and figure out the startup cost, and then offer anyone who can pass the citizenship test the opportunity to buy in to my scheme. They will pay a fair fee, and in return receive a plot of land under my jurisdiction and all the prestige that will doubtless go with being a founding member of my great island nation.

There's the basic framework. Any ideas?

What if you just moved to Canada or something like that? Way cheaper and I supose you could find an area big enough to pretend that it's a new country just for you.

As a constitutional monarchist I support your goals. Make me a member of your Privy Council...

As a marxist revolutionary I'd just like to point out that there's nothing personal in my plans to violently overthrow your cruel, oppressive regime, it's just politics.

As a loyal supporter of the Sovereign, I regret to inform you that I will have your name stricken from any records, and have you hanged for high treason. Nothing personal, it's just politics

I'll happily become a citizen of your nation provided it is of material benefit to my person. Of course, you shouldn't expect any help from me in the event that a crisis occurs. I'll very likely be well on the way to the Mediterranean by that time. Loyalty being tied to prosperity and all that.

As consolation, you'll be welcome to read anything I happen to write about what you will do wrong.

As a zombie, I am here to eat all of your brains... and occasionally debate on the finer points of antique china.

As an Idealist, I am very excited and wish to know what this new nation may be called? What are your plans regarding power and infastructure?

However, absolute power corrupts, and I fear that with power the dream of this young nation would be twisted and warped by either you or your descendants.

I prefer a council of sorts, keeping the Leader in check, if the Monarch makes a truly bizzare of cruel decision then a unanimous vote from the council can strip the monarch of their powers. This is only to be done in extreme cases, not when people are arguing about road maintenence etc.

Emperors Faithful wrote:However, absolute power corrupts, and I fear that with power the dream of this young nation would be twisted and warped by either you or your descendants.

But then the world would have somewhere to exile 4chan and return to it's once great self (the world, not 4chan )

Mercurial wrote:Hey guys, I was at work with nothing to do as per usual, and I found myself flipping through one of my students' political science books. I realized just how disillusioned I had become with two-party democracy, and came to the only logical conclusion.

I want to found a new country, with myself as a constitutional monarch.

I realize that this is a far-reaching goal. I will likely need to pursue a masters and probably a doctorate in political science, as well as other degrees in economics and infrastructure so I have some sort of idea what I'm doing. I'll need a lawyer to help me draft the constitution. I will need to surround myself with good people knowledgeable in fields I am unfamiliar with and form them in to a cabinet of sorts. This cabinet will advise me and see over each specific branch of the federal jurisdiction (education, healthcare, defense/police, agriculture, treasury etc).

I have also given some thought to a parliament/supreme court of elected officials. They will have plenty of power (the ability to submit bills, ratify legal documents, and veto me in some cases), but will also be held to strict regulations. They will not be term limited, but instead will have to take a one-term "break" from parliament every two terms. They will be decided by simple popular vote. I'm not quite sure what the criteria should be for the number of serving members or how long their terms should be.

Of course, I will need land to establish this nation. Currently there are many private islands for sale, some with several thousand acres. I'm looking primarily off the coast of Central/South America and Africa as they probably wouldn't mind some random rich dude declaring sovereignty quite as much. However, islands cost millions of dollars. Where am I going to get that kind of money? I'll get to that.

To become a citizen is simple. You must either be born in my country, be a legal minor (I'm thinking 16 and under) and have a parent who is a citizen, or you can take a brief but informative general aptitude test much like the SAT. You then must be interviewed by an immigration board appointed by me. I can, of course, override a decision in extreme cases. If the applicant is determined to be capable of being a productive member of society, then they are admitted to the country as a citizen following a thorough background check.

Judicially speaking, I'm thinking we shouldn't even bother trying to legislate morality. I'll use the U.S. judicial system as a basis, and drop most of the crimes generally considered to be "victimless". Due to space being at a premium on a tiny island nation, incarceration sentences greater than six months and less than ten years will instead be temporary exile, after which the convicted individual must reapply for citizenship. Any incarceration sentence greater than ten years will likely be permanent banishment.

I'm planning to raise funds for this venture by rallying likeminded individuals to my banner. I'll run the numbers and figure out the startup cost, and then offer anyone who can pass the citizenship test the opportunity to buy in to my scheme. They will pay a fair fee, and in return receive a plot of land under my jurisdiction and all the prestige that will doubtless go with being a founding member of my great island nation.

There's the basic framework. Any ideas?

Have you ever considered that this is a rather lot of work to get some tail?

Chicks Dig Constitutional Monarchs!!!!

As a bit torrenter, I am here to inform you that if Piratebay couldn't buy SeaWorld, you have no chance.

I suggest just taking over some tin-pot country somewhere rather than buying an island.

Hireing a few mercs - few hundred thousand, buying an island large enough to support more than a handful of people - a lot.

Perhaps invade an island nation?

No one will notice if we take over Hawaii, right?

Ketara wrote:As a bit torrenter, I am here to inform you that if Piratebay couldn't buy SeaWorld, you have no chance.

SeaLand you mean - seaworld is a chain of marine based theme parks. IIRC a year ago or so, a guy collected several hundred thousand plastic bottles (the kind fizzy drinks come in and the like) and floated it off the coast of Mexico. It was large enough to comfortably live on and sustainable. The plan was to float it offshore and declare it a 'green haven hippy paradise' or something but the whole idea was scuppered when a hurricane wrecked it before it could be launched.

As an existentialist, I am concerned that you have this process a bit backwards. You need to have a country before you can determine what its systems of government will be.

That being said, consider your choice of location- an unprotected island nation in South America would likely be taken over by rebels or drug runners. In Africa, your land would become a base for pirates. For this reason, I suggest placing your country off the African coast. Being a puppet government for pirates is much cooler than being a puppet government for drug runners. Even better, pirates will actually pay you to look the other way and provide a safe harbor for them. They're busy robbing other people's shipping. Drug runners tend to just threaten to kill your family (although they never seem to kill your in-laws).

I would be happy to serve as your administrator of privateering. As an island of idealist, there will be many nations we disagree with, and we will be a singularly unproductive nation. Thus, our only choice for trade will be to pillage and plunder. I will do this for free, as long as me and my offspring are granted a barony on your island. The gratitude of my pirat-privateers, sorry my liege, will be more than sufficient to sustain me.

Gitzbitah wrote:I would be happy to serve as your administrator of privateering. As an island of idealist, there will be many nations we disagree with, and we will be a singularly unproductive nation. Thus, our only choice for trade will be to pillage and plunder. I will do this for free, as long as me and my offspring are granted a barony on your island. The gratitude of my pirat-privateers, sorry my liege, will be more than sufficient to sustain me.

Hmmm, I could certainly go along with Minister of Piracy Gitzbitah (AKA Minister for Trade and International Relations?) on this one...

Oh no, I'd like to avoid any sort of Ministerial positions if possible- the middle men are most likely to escape the inevitable international fall out. I am less than confident of our ability to repel UN snatch teams responding to our complicity in international crimes. We need someone with more people skills to serve as Minister and maintain responsibility for my actions, in a very real and legal sense. Well, legal at least.

Actually, my job might be easier if I was in an undisclosed location roaming the seas. You know, to be able to personally monitor our privateers. Something like a decommisioned Russian 'Typhoon' class submarine. With the launch tubes converted to hedonistic living quarters, it would make a modest base of operations for our economy. This would be a suitable alternative for the barony if you are reluctant to institute nobility, my liege.

Haha! Excellent points!

I also think that a mobile nation, such as a network of ships/subs would be a great idea. Even with the cost of buying old mothballed ships and patching up the hulls, you get a lot of volume for your money, plus the top deck for growing crops etc, and the ability to just park your country anywhere you want.

A raft of up to 5 old super tankers would not cost the earth (thought their upkeep would be a yearly drain on the nations finances) and could spend a lot of their time floating about chained together, or anchored somewhere nice and tropical.

I declare war on your not-yet-existing nation in the name of Petoria. Love live our slowed god-king, may his farts ring true forever.

You can gas our air, but you can never take our unformed nation!

*raises the as-yet-un-designed flag of [insert name of not-yet-existing-country here]*

You know, I've heard Petoria is situated near many prime shipping interstates. Technically, land based commercial warfare is not my department. I feel confident extending you an offer for a Letter of Marque against our enemies at a very reasonable 70/30 split. 70 is of course our cut- protection from the United States when your entire country is surrounded by them is expensive. Keep in mind these are only useful in international waters, so please do not attempt to use them to justify any land based robbery.

What do you say, Captain Warpcrafter? Ready to sign your country over to ... The Monarchy of TBD?

(My liege, we need a name if I am to suborn foreigners. I seriously doubt 'anonymous' Letters of Marque will hold up in any court of law.)

I offer my services as a career soldier to this new endevour and vow should my lord let me to lead forth an army of conquest for you, and expand upon your lands in the hopes of being granted your grace for thus doing so....(and a couple of hookers, shhh don't tell my wife)

Empchild wrote:I offer my services as a career soldier to this new endevour and vow should my lord let me to lead forth an army of conquest for you, and expand upon your lands in the hopes of being granted your grace for thus doing so....(and a couple of hookers, shhh don't tell my wife)

MODD? (Minister of Defence and Debauchery)

And I think that Gitzbitah seems to be taking on the role of a Special Envoy... all of the perks but plenty of places to run and hide and people to shift the blame onto if things go wrong

Gitzbitah wrote:You know, I've heard Petoria is situated near many prime shipping interstates. Technically, land based commercial warfare is not my department. I feel confident extending you an offer for a Letter of Marque against our enemies at a very reasonable 70/30 split. 70 is of course our cut- protection from the United States when your entire country is surrounded by them is expensive. Keep in mind these are only useful in international waters, so please do not attempt to use them to justify any land based robbery.

What do you say, Captain Warpcrafter? Ready to sign your country over to ... The Monarchy of TBD?

(My liege, we need a name if I am to suborn foreigners. I seriously doubt 'anonymous' Letters of Marque will hold up in any court of law.)

Your offer is both gracious and wise, but since our mighty king Peter is slowed, we must refuse and fart on the proffered letter of marque. (Mark? Mark who? Mark Gubicza? Marky Mark? Mark Harmon? Did we offend Mark Harmon? His stare is almost as lethal of that of Chuck Norris! Oh crap!!!)

I like the sounds of Special Envoy! Ideally it would come with diplomatic immunity. I'm quite comfortable being extradited.


@ Captain warpcrafter- What God-king Peter doesn't know won't hurt him. This is nothing more than a private business arrangement, which would turn you into an irregular member of our military. Pretty standard, really. Actually, if Petoria remains at war with us, you'd be in an ideal position to prey on its shipping. I suggest you simply divert ship goods to Our Land. I'll happily seize them once they enter our waters.

Gitzbitah wrote:I like the sounds of Special Envoy! Ideally it would come with diplomatic immunity. I'm quite comfortable being extradited.


@ Captain warpcrafter- What God-king Peter doesn't know won't hurt him. This is nothing more than a private business arrangement, which would turn you into an irregular member of our military. Pretty standard, really. Actually, if Petoria remains at war with us, you'd be in an ideal position to prey on its shipping. I suggest you simply divert ship goods to Our Land. I'll happily seize them once they enter our waters.

But... You haven't noticed? He's riding around on my shoulders, wearing a leaky diaper, with a bottle of booze in one hand and something that may or may not be an actual lightsaber (But which I suspect is really a cattle-prod covered in fluorescent blue paint) in the other. Ow! Ow!!! Somebody kill me...

My lord I can "remove" these lesser beings from your presence if you wish!!!!!!

Lot of people starting their post with 'As I'm a ............' so here's mine.

As I'm a nutter and I like like-minded nutters trying to similarly crazy things then I say good luck and if you actually achieve it I shall be one of the first on the ferry and I will cartwheel off the boat into a new world.

Toodles, bicycles and chessecake to you all!!!!!

The OC-D

Service guarantees citizenship.

Somnicide wrote:Service guarantees citizenship.

Great book and show/ horrible movie.... For this you must be executed unless you repent!!!!!!!