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So I was having a chat with my brothers the other day when we got on the subject of lying and it got rather funny. So Im curious whats the biggest/best/dumbest lie youve ever told?

One of my personal favs, is I told an interviewer that I was muslim so I couldnt shave my beard for religious reasons. It worked out perfectly and I worked at said establishment for 2 years with 0 hassle.


So get going DAKKA, share your lies

I once told a friend's three-year-old brother that I was Batman.

He's eight now, and still believed me last time I talked to him.

I had an girlfriend when I was in the Army that kept calling me every 20 minutes all day and night. So, inorder to get some peace and an uninterupted night's sleep I answered the phone telling her that my Grandfather had died and I had to go home for a couple of weeks to take of his affairs. After two weeks I didn't called her back and changed my email address. Over those two weeks it was the best sleep I had gotten for the longest time.

"Do these jeans make me look fat?"

"No."

"Do you think my sister is prettier than me?"

"No."

"Where were you on the night of June 12, 1994?"

"Not at Nicole Brown Simpson's house..."

For some reaon, I can convince people I ahve a different name, even if they've known me for some time.

My mate wanted to dump his girlfriend but he said she was proper mental and everytime he attempted to approach the subject she would cry and go mental..

Anyway, long story short i wrote to her when we were in Norway and told her he had perished in an Avalanche.

She bumped into him a few years later in Plymouth apparently. I wasnt there, but i heard she glassed him.

I've got one similar to the batman one.

When Harry Potter was first popular, I told my brother who is ten years younger than me that Harry Potter was based on a true story that actually took place in the United States rather than England, and that it had taken place 10 years previously. I told him that the guy I was dating at the time was Harry Potter and that he'd been placed in something called the Muggle Protection Program. My brother totally bought it, and told a few of his friends. No idea why I came up with the idea in the first place.

*friend* Hey dude I was this thing about this gay dude with AIDS lol.

*Me* that's not funny I have AIDS.

*Friend* Oh my god I AM SO SORRY D:!!!!!!!

*Me* lol no.

Calling in sick? That's for amateurs! My favorite excuse I ever gave: "Hey, there's no way I'm going to make it in today. I went to a family reunion and I just ran over tire spikes in Oklahoma." The response: "...okay? Can you get your tires fixed?" Me: "Well there's no buildings for a few miles either direction but I'll do what I can. I'll be back tomorrow for sure." They excused the absence

Hmm dumb lies that worked?

Borrowed money from my older sister. Told her it was for Cigerettes.... Actually just needed the money to help but some D&D books.

I love to convince people that I'm from Sydney, Australia. It's hilarious when they ask me all these questions, and I just make up stuff.

I'm not good at lying. I can however make someone believe I have a diehard stance on something I really don't. Like supporting a fire moat on the mexican-american border.

chowderhead13 wrote:I love to convince people that I'm from Sydney, Australia. It's hilarious when they ask me all these questions, and I just make up stuff.

Now thats hilarious. I do something similar but to wait staff at restaurants. Its really fun when the waitress takes a break, and so the 15 minute replacement gets an Irishmen instead of the Frenchmen. I just know later they are talking about the cool foreign guy but arguing that he was Irish not French.

My oldest brother is named Corey, and had tight group of friends, that had a few of those annoying followers. Well they all convinced those annoying guys that my brother, was actually Corey Taylor from slipknot (obviously when they first came about) I thought it was hilarious those kids were just STOAKED to goto Corey Taylors house....even though he lived in his mothers basement

Its amazing how gullable people are.


Best call in to work though, I just REALLY wasnt feeling like going in, so I called and said "yea uh.... I just fell down the stairs so I cant make it into work and then hung up

Had an interesting exchange with a short brunette in California a while back...
Girl: Sign this petition?
me: sorry I can't. I'm not registered to vote in this country.
girl: oh? where are you from?
me: Canada.
girl: You don't sound like you are from Canada.
me: You don't look like you are from southern California.

KingCracker wrote:
Best call in to work though, I just REALLY wasnt feeling like going in, so I called and said "yea uh.... I just fell down the stairs so I cant make it into work and then hung up

I heard that one of the best ways to get out of work is to call in and say that you have diarrhea.

I once used one of the Bretonnian magic banners in my chaos warriors army, and my opponent said something about it, so I told him that I'd captured in in a game in a tournament, and so had the right to use it as long as that unit existed. It worked, once...

Vladsimpaler wrote:

KingCracker wrote:
Best call in to work though, I just REALLY wasnt feeling like going in, so I called and said "yea uh.... I just fell down the stairs so I cant make it into work and then hung up

I heard that one of the best ways to get out of work is to call in and say that you have diarrhea.

"So, uh, I need to take a sick day."

"John, are you painting your mini's again? Your little dolls?"

"No, I'm not...I'm..."

"I'm not letting you take a sick day unless your actually sick."

"I have diarrhea."

"You have what."

"Diarrhea. Explosive."

"You're joking."

"Would I joke about my ass feeling like it's being licked by the flames of hell, as a torrent of the worst gak imaginable slipped forth from my bowels like a flood of pure, unquenchable hatred?"

"I get it do you really need to-"

"Do I need to joke as the once crisp, clean waters of my toilet bowl turn to a hellish mud, stained by what feels like half-formed child erupting from my ass?"

"I'm hanging up now."



----------------

Stay classy, Dakka.

I managed to convince people i have eaten dolphin whale and monkey. Also i knew this girl who loved horse. convinced her i ate a horse too. People would always get upset.

Haddi wrote:

Vladsimpaler wrote:

KingCracker wrote:
Best call in to work though, I just REALLY wasnt feeling like going in, so I called and said "yea uh.... I just fell down the stairs so I cant make it into work and then hung up

I heard that one of the best ways to get out of work is to call in and say that you have diarrhea.

"So, uh, I need to take a sick day."

"John, are you painting your mini's again? Your little dolls?"

"No, I'm not...I'm..."

"I'm not letting you take a sick day unless your actually sick."

"I have diarrhea."

"You have what."

"Diarrhea. Explosive."

"You're joking."

"Would I joke about my ass feeling like it's being licked by the flames of hell, as a torrent of the worst gak imaginable slipped forth from my bowels like a flood of pure, unquenchable hatred?"

"I get it do you really need to-"

"Do I need to joke as the once crisp, clean waters of my toilet bowl turn to a hellish mud, stained by what feels like half-formed child erupting from my ass?"

"I'm hanging up now."



----------------

Stay classy, Dakka.

I lol'd.

Hmm... I once told a friend that I was totally ok with him going out with a girl I liked and then took her into the toilets for good long pash. She didn't fancy him and needed a transgression to make him break up with her. Sadly she didn't fancy me either and the guy never spoke to me again. There's a lesson there somewhere...

Flashman wrote:Hmm... I once told a friend that I was totally ok with him going out with a girl I liked and then took her into the toilets for good long pash. She didn't fancy him and needed a transgression to make him break up with her. Sadly she didn't fancy me either and the guy never spoke to me again. There's a lesson there somewhere...

yeah.. don't let a woman get between you and your Bros.

helgrenze wrote:yeah.. don't let a woman get between you and your Bros.

I dunno, it was a good pash and she was pretty hot. Would you turn down a snog with say, Natalie Portman if it meant one less Christmas card to write?

garret wrote:I managed to convince people i have eaten dolphin whale and monkey. Also i knew this girl who loved horse. convinced her i ate a horse too. People would always get upset.

You mean here?

Flashman wrote:Hmm... I once told a friend that I was totally ok with him going out with a girl I liked and then took her into the toilets for good long pash. She didn't fancy him and needed a transgression to make him break up with her. Sadly she didn't fancy me either and the guy never spoke to me again. There's a lesson there somewhere...

Lesson? Yeh. You sleep with your mates bird, you're a dick. Hows that?

Flashman wrote:

helgrenze wrote:yeah.. don't let a woman get between you and your Bros.

I dunno, it was a good pash and she was pretty hot. Would you turn down a snog with say, Natalie Portman if it meant one less Christmas card to write?

Of course I would!
that said you could have just gone to said friend and lied about how bad it was and you saved him from making a horrid mistake as she would have gotten him all house-husband and never let him out to hang with his mates....

I've always defaulted to letting the other guy win in those situations, though I've lost a few good friendships from stupid pissing contests still. Honestly unless the person is someone you can't live without, get what you're after and move on if it's going to cost you. It's possible to do that and not be a total jerk in the process.

I have the English and German versions of a few Oomph! songs on my phone. Convinced somebody my phone had an active translation feature. Had they bothered to even look at my phone they would have seen through it but they weren't the sharpest marble in the shed to fall for it in the first place.

When I was about 8, I was going to some sort of art class my parents had me in. I also played a lot of basketball as a kid, and part of basketball is getting jammed fingers. I was telling the kids in my class about having jammed fingers, but I decided it'd sound cooler if I said I had broken them. The teacher told my dad about that, and on the drive home he asked WTF I was talking about. I lied yet more and said I thought a jammed finger was the same as a broken finger. I then decided that, all in all, it was not a rewarding experience, and that lying was not a good idea. I pretty much haven't lied since then, except for the odd "have you ever smoked pot" question on a work/money/important related document.

Pretty boring. Sorry if you just read that.

KingCracker wrote:

chowderhead13 wrote:I love to convince people that I'm from Sydney, Australia. It's hilarious when they ask me all these questions, and I just make up stuff.

Now thats hilarious. I do something similar but to wait staff at restaurants. Its really fun when the waitress takes a break, and so the 15 minute replacement gets an Irishmen instead of the Frenchmen. I just know later they are talking about the cool foreign guy but arguing that he was Irish not French.

I do this all the time.

"Wait, weren't you from sweden?"
"No, The Motherland is from where I hail. Now bring the Vodka, Wench!"

That one got me kicked out of a Dunkin Donuts!

Phryxis wrote:I pretty much haven't lied since then.

You lying DOG!

I can't think of any story-worthy lies, although I do routinely tell my dentist that I make an honest effort to floss everyday.