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Granted. Through the powers of a failing government trying to kill off its people, I, as an elected politician, slashed the NHS budget. As a result several hospitals close down. The buildings remain. Slowly gathering spiders. And thus they became cobweb machines.

I wish for my fictional Chaos Marine Warband, the Screaming Lunatics, to have a good day.

Granted. Their good day is fictional as well.

I wish for a magic lamp.

Granted, but but it comes with the mark of slaanesh on the front and you can't seem to stop eating the stuff.

I wish for a boat on which to sail the seas

Granted. Its some 100 years ago, you have a ticket for the Titanic.

I wish I had some truely perfect gold paint that looks so gold, it's perfect.

Granted. The dwarves that made it are angry at it's theft and are coming for you.

I wish the 8E Space Wolves codex was going to be the next one released.

Granted. It is rushed out half-finished with seemingly random stat changes and ambiguous rules. Almost as if Matt Ward wrote it.

I wish for new glasses.

Granted. You get a nice set of drinking glasses.

I wish they would get going on the prequel series to The Sopranos.

 Lupus Mortem wrote:
Granted. You get a nice set of drinking glasses.

I wish they would get going on the prequel series to The Sopranos.

Granted. It uses the same writers as Phantom Menace, Attack of the Clones, Revenge of the Sith, and has Zack Snyder directing.

I wish I didn't sweat as much.

Granted! Your body immediately ceases to be able to cool itself off when overheated and you must immediately move to Antarctica to survive. Penguins make horrible neighbors.

I wish I had dual citizenship with Australia as well as the USA.

Granted. The world of Mad Max becomes real and you'll have to fight for your life down there.

I wish I had a monkey butler that painted miniatures.

Granted. He paints them any color he likes.

I wish for more paint.

Granted. 714, 000, 000 cubic miles of it (that's 1 Pacific Ocean). And its all neon pink GW texture paint.


I wish that whatever corruption of this wish is written, the opposite is true.

You enter a quantum state

I wish for a life of luxury.

 ChargerIIC wrote:
You enter a quantum state

I wish for a life of luxury.

Granted. The taxman is calling. So are the mob. And the government. And the charities. And Johovah's Witnesses. Your bodyguards have a union and they are on strike after the third failed assassination. Your accountant is taking a little too much off the top and bottom and the sides as well. Putin has a hit out on you. When you go to sleep you get visions of the devil reserving a room in your name and applying lube to his pitchfork. But only on the middle prong. But hey, you've got a yacht!


I wish for my quantum state to become inverted and then rendered by computer in negative colours (I've trying to break reality sorry not sorry guys).

Granted. Your monitor dies and you don't know what colors you are.

I wish there was breakfast delivery from a good restaurant around here.

 Lupus Mortem wrote:
Granted. Your monitor dies and you don't know what colors you are.

I wish there was breakfast delivery from a good restaurant around here.

Granted, Uber Eats coming to LA! The bad news is, LA wants to do the same thing as Austin TX, and have public vetting for Uber drivers, so Uber packs up and leaves and your delivery is forever stuck in the "Your order is on its way!" limbo. A glitch in the system causes you to be charged the fee every 90 minutes, quickly backrupting you.


I wish I had a slight pay rise, enough to buy a return ticket to Norway.

Granted, you get your pay rise for one month, and get on your ticket to Norway, but you are hijacked on the way. Have fun in the hell of all hells, Detroit.

I wish that I was five inches taller.

 Sgt_Smudge wrote:
Granted, you get your pay rise for one month, and get on your ticket to Norway, but you are hijacked on the way. Have fun in the hell of all hells, Detroit.

I wish that I was five inches taller.

Granted. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rack_(torture)


I wish for pint of Guinness.

Granted. But there is no container, so it quickly slips through your fingers.

I wish I knew why the ping pong balls are inside Guiness cans.

Granted:
http://recipes.howstuffworks.com/question446.htm
But that is the only answer you are going to receive to any of your questions all day



I wish for a turkey sandwich on rye bread with lettuce and mustard. And
-- and I don't want any zombie turkeys, I don't want to turn into a turkey
myself, and I don't want any other weird surprises -- you got it?

 snurl wrote:
Granted. But there is no container, so it quickly slips through your fingers.

I wish I knew why the ping pong balls are inside Guiness cans.

Granted, I'll explain: The ping pong balls act as an agitator to create a small amount of foam head at the top of the can so when poured into a glass, it will create the classic head you get from a pump. There is an alternate Guinness can that lacks this ping pong ball. The can is black on the top half and silver on the bottom. This one pours like any other beer, and lacks a head when poured. It requires a special metal plate that vibrates. When you set the headless Guinness in its glass on this plate, turn it on and vibrate it, it transforms into the headed Guinness.

Unfortunately, despite this wonderful new information, any drink you drink for the rest of your life will turn into a headless Guinness that is 3 years expired (have fun with that diahorrea!) that was poured incorrectly.


Edit because Ninja:


@ChargerIIC

Granted, its not turkey zombie, just long dead turkey. Maggots and all. They eat you from the inside out and you become a prophet of Grandfather Nurgle.


I wish I could love another human as much as I love Guinness

Granted. You are given a mold of a human, filled with Guinness - you love them very much, and settle down with them.

I wish that I could decide how to paint my Imperial Knight.

Granted, late tonight you'll decide paisley is the way to go.

I wish Metallica didn't start to suck after their 4th album so I could see them at the Rose Bowl tomorrow.

Granted. Metallica never sucked but they are far too busy to play any live shows.

I wish to see a good concert.

Granted. You temporarily lose your hearing and can only see it.

I wish I wasn't undecided on which 40k army will be my next.

Granted. You decide upon Squats and spend thousands of dollars scouring the Internet buying every available original GW squat model.
GW never releases rules and everyone refuses to play you and your illegal army.


I wish to have a role in a movie.

Granted. You are the Key Grip.

I wish to be in another movie.

Granted, but it's a pornography staring your parents. On the plus side it did make them a lot of money, having been seen but a sizable part of the population.

I wish, I wish I was a fish.

Granted. You are a goldfish at a frat party.



I wish to compete on American Ninja Warrior.

 Chaos Legionnaire wrote:
Granted. You are a goldfishat a frat party.



I wish to compete on American Ninja Warrior.

Granted, you compete and dislocate both shoulders on the upper body course. The damage is severe and you get nerves trapped in the joint when they reset them. You uffer tremendous pain but on top of that, you will randomly and very often have violent muscle spasms that resemble a certain male activity that shouldn't be performed in public, lasting up to 20 minutes.



I wish I could be bothered to care about work anymore.