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Made in us
Monster-Slaying Daemonhunter




How does a Penguin build it's house? Igloos it together.
   
Made in gb
Ridin' on a Snotling Pump Wagon






If we could steer away from sexist jokes. Yes the joke is that they’re not funny, but let’s not upset the mods


Automatically Appended Next Post:
Also.

Some call it arson.

I prefer the term Crime Brûlée

This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2022/03/10 18:24:27


Fed up of Scalpers? But still want your Exclusives? Why not join us?

Pfizer vaccine administered 13:40pm 18 Feb 21. Still no second head. Second jab 13:35pm 6 May 2021. At the Masonic Hall. 
   
Made in us
Humming Great Unclean One of Nurgle






Horse walks into a bar and orders a drink. Bartender says 'I see you in here a lot, do you think you might be an alcoholic?'

The horse says 'I don't think I am' then disappears.


See, the joke is about the philosophical phrase 'I think therefore I am' but to explain that first would be putting Descartes before the horse.

This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2022/03/11 20:39:01


Road to Renown! It's like classic Path to Glory, but repaired, remastered, expanded! https://www.dakkadakka.com/dakkaforum/posts/list/778170.page

I chose an avatar I feel best represents the quality of my post history.

I try to view Warhammer as more of a toolbox with examples than fully complete games. 
   
Made in mt
Kabalite Conscript





Hamrun, Malta

@NinthMukseteer ... wow, that was deep, haha.

If you ask a cockney how the moon cuts the sun's hair, what will he tell you?

'E clips it
   
Made in us
Humming Great Unclean One of Nurgle






Why can't Thousand Sons make pie?

All is crust.

Road to Renown! It's like classic Path to Glory, but repaired, remastered, expanded! https://www.dakkadakka.com/dakkaforum/posts/list/778170.page

I chose an avatar I feel best represents the quality of my post history.

I try to view Warhammer as more of a toolbox with examples than fully complete games. 
   
Made in mt
Kabalite Conscript





Hamrun, Malta

What fantasy creatures do you have to watch out for when turkeys are around?

Goblins.
   
Made in us
Grim Dark Angels Interrogator-Chaplain






A Protoss colony world

In the Lord of the Rings universe, where did Saruman send his minions to school?
Uruk High!

My armies (re-counted and updated on 4/26/22, including modeled wargear options):
Dark Angels: ~18000 | Space Marines (Blood Ravens and others): ~900 | Space Wolves: ~5000
Astra Militarum: ~800 | Adeptus Custodes: ~1100 | Imperial Knights: ~1300 | Sisters of Battle: ~4300
Check out my P&M Blogs: ZergSmasher's P&M Blog | Imperial Knights blog | Total models painted in 2021: 114 | Total models painted in 2022: 18 | Current main painting project: Imperial Knights
 Mr_Rose wrote:
Who doesn’t love crazy mutant squawk-puppies? Eh? Nobody, that’s who.
 
   
Made in gb
Mutilatin' Mad Dok




Gloucester

There is a place in South Wales called Tintern Abbey. I wonder what it is then?

Arte et Marte


5000pts
5000pts
4000pts
Ogres: 2000pts
Empire: 6000pts 
   
Made in gb
Aspirant Tech-Adept





Northumberland

The other day I asked my German friend if he knew the square root of 81, he said no.

One and a half feet in the hobby


My Adeptus Mechanicus Painting Log:
# The Explorator Fleet of Labrunnia IX #

 
   
Made in gb
Ridin' on a Snotling Pump Wagon






Where does a mansplainer go to get water?

A well, actually.

Fed up of Scalpers? But still want your Exclusives? Why not join us?

Pfizer vaccine administered 13:40pm 18 Feb 21. Still no second head. Second jab 13:35pm 6 May 2021. At the Masonic Hall. 
   
Made in gb
Veteran Inquisitorial Tyranid Xenokiller





Watch Fortress Excalibris

 Mad Doc Grotsnik wrote:
Where does a mansplainer go to get water?
A well, actually.

Though he probably won't need to go himself, as there are usually plenty of other men who will carry water for him.

A little bit of righteous anger now and then is good, actually. Don't trust a person who never gets angry. 
   
Made in sa
Aspirant Tech-Adept





Northumberland

I met a Dutch girl at a bar last week, she was bouncing around on inflatable shoes. I rang her up to ask her out on a date yesterday but she had popped her clogs.

One and a half feet in the hobby


My Adeptus Mechanicus Painting Log:
# The Explorator Fleet of Labrunnia IX #

 
   
Made in gb
Mutilatin' Mad Dok




Gloucester

A clown held a door open for me today. I thought that was a nice jester

Arte et Marte


5000pts
5000pts
4000pts
Ogres: 2000pts
Empire: 6000pts 
   
Made in us
Insect-Infested Nurgle Chaos Lord






Why do seagulls live next to ocean? Because if they lived next to the bay they'd be called bagels.


Games Workshop Delenda Est.

If you break apart my or anyone else's posts line by line I will not read them. 
   
Made in gb
Ridin' on a Snotling Pump Wagon






 Grimtuff wrote:
Why do seagulls live next to ocean? Because if they lived next to the bay they'd be called bagels.


This is meant to be crap jokes!


Automatically Appended Next Post:
What do you call a fat ginger kid with no arms and an eye patch?

Names.


Automatically Appended Next Post:
Red sky at night, shepherds delight.

Sheep drowned in morning, global warming.

This message was edited 2 times. Last update was at 2022/03/20 20:05:26


Fed up of Scalpers? But still want your Exclusives? Why not join us?

Pfizer vaccine administered 13:40pm 18 Feb 21. Still no second head. Second jab 13:35pm 6 May 2021. At the Masonic Hall. 
   
Made in gb
Ridin' on a Snotling Pump Wagon






Very useful invention, Cheese. A tasty snack in a variety of styles, complimenting various other forms of food and drink.

But did you know it can also be useful when dealing with animals?

For instance, if you need to hide a Horse, you’ve got your Mascarpone, and if you need to get a Bear out of a cave, Camembert works a treat.

Fed up of Scalpers? But still want your Exclusives? Why not join us?

Pfizer vaccine administered 13:40pm 18 Feb 21. Still no second head. Second jab 13:35pm 6 May 2021. At the Masonic Hall. 
   
Made in us
The Conquerer






Waiting for my shill money from Spiral Arm Studios

 Mad Doc Grotsnik wrote:
Very useful invention, Cheese. A tasty snack in a variety of styles, complimenting various other forms of food and drink.

But did you know it can also be useful when dealing with animals?

For instance, if you need to hide a Horse, you’ve got your Mascarpone, and if you need to get a Bear out of a cave, Camembert works a treat.



Self-proclaimed evil Cat-person. Dues Ex Felines

Cato Sicarius, after force feeding Captain Ventris a copy of the Codex Astartes for having the audacity to play Deathwatch, chokes to death on his own D-baggery after finding Calgar assembling his new Eldar army.

MURICA!!! IN SPESS!!! 
   
Made in gb
Ridin' on a Snotling Pump Wagon






Shan’t! It’s my thread and you entered of your own free will!

Fed up of Scalpers? But still want your Exclusives? Why not join us?

Pfizer vaccine administered 13:40pm 18 Feb 21. Still no second head. Second jab 13:35pm 6 May 2021. At the Masonic Hall. 
   
Made in gb
Veteran Inquisitorial Tyranid Xenokiller





Watch Fortress Excalibris

Unfortunately, the one-legged clown had to leave the cheese circus. Couldn't get his stilton.

I'm mad for cheese, though. Totally emmental.

A Mexican once tried to steal my cheese, but I caught him and yelled "That's nacho cheese!" I mean, how dairy?

A little bit of righteous anger now and then is good, actually. Don't trust a person who never gets angry. 
   
Made in nl
Fixture of Dakka





Look I make balloon animal

Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
Because the chicken hadn't evolved yet.

Error 404: Interesting signature not found

 
   
Made in sa
Aspirant Tech-Adept





Northumberland

What do you call a Fish with no eyes? Ftthhh.

How do you think the unthinkable?

With an ithberg.

What's green and fuzzy and if it falls out a tree it'll kill you?

A snooker table.

One and a half feet in the hobby


My Adeptus Mechanicus Painting Log:
# The Explorator Fleet of Labrunnia IX #

 
   
Made in gb
Ridin' on a Snotling Pump Wagon






My real name is Ross. And my surname starts with the letter A. So when I’m having a proper good old think on something? It’s a Bonanza.

Because I become a Ponder Ross A.

Fed up of Scalpers? But still want your Exclusives? Why not join us?

Pfizer vaccine administered 13:40pm 18 Feb 21. Still no second head. Second jab 13:35pm 6 May 2021. At the Masonic Hall. 
   
Made in us
Courageous Space Marine Captain





SoCal

Is that how you pronounce that word get there? So many of your jokes that depend on pronunciation just don’t work here.

   
Made in gb
Ridin' on a Snotling Pump Wagon






No. That’s not how we pronounce the word. That’s what makes my joke extra crap!

Fed up of Scalpers? But still want your Exclusives? Why not join us?

Pfizer vaccine administered 13:40pm 18 Feb 21. Still no second head. Second jab 13:35pm 6 May 2021. At the Masonic Hall. 
   
Made in gb
Rampaging Reaver Titan Princeps





Earlobe deep in doo doo


How do you get 2 whales in a mini?
Drive over the severn bridge.

"But me no buts! Our comrades get hurt. Our friends die. Falkenburg is a knight who swore an oath to serve the church and to defend the weak. He'd be the first to tell you to stop puling and start planning. Because what we are doing-at risk to ourselves-is what we have sworn to do. The West relies on us. It is a risk we take with pride. It is an oath we honour. Even when some soft southern burgher mutters about us, we know the reason he sleeps soft and comfortable, why his wife is able to complain about the price of cabbages as her most serious problem and why his children dare to throw dung and yell "Knot" when we pass. It's because we are what we are. For all our faults we stand for law and light.
Von Gherens This Rough Magic Lackey, Flint & Freer
Mekagorkalicious -Monkeytroll
2017 Model Count-71
 
   
Made in us
Ultramarine Master with Gauntlets of Macragge





Upstate, New York

Why do Norwegian warships have barcodes on their sides? So when they return to port, they can Scandinavian.

   
Made in gb
Leader of the Sept







 Nevelon wrote:
Why do Norwegian warships have barcodes on their sides? So when they return to port, they can Scandinavian.


Exalted… like exalted so hard I may never exalt again. Love it!

Please excuse any spelling errors. I use a tablet frequently and software keyboards are a pain!

Terranwing - w3;d1;l1
51st Dunedinw2;d0;l0
Cadre Coronal Afterglow w1;d0;l0 
   
Made in gb
Ridin' on a Snotling Pump Wagon






Why did the 19 year old Chainsaw Juggler retire?

He’d sawn off both his hands because he was crap at his job.

Fed up of Scalpers? But still want your Exclusives? Why not join us?

Pfizer vaccine administered 13:40pm 18 Feb 21. Still no second head. Second jab 13:35pm 6 May 2021. At the Masonic Hall. 
   
Made in us
Humming Great Unclean One of Nurgle






 Mad Doc Grotsnik wrote:
Why did the 19 year old Chainsaw Juggler retire?

He’d sawn off both his hands because he was crap at his job.
I saw that punchline coming


Automatically Appended Next Post:
 Flinty wrote:
 Nevelon wrote:
Why do Norwegian warships have barcodes on their sides? So when they return to port, they can Scandinavian.


Exalted… like exalted so hard I may never exalt again. Love it!
Ditto, that's a great one.

This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2022/04/07 18:56:09


Road to Renown! It's like classic Path to Glory, but repaired, remastered, expanded! https://www.dakkadakka.com/dakkaforum/posts/list/778170.page

I chose an avatar I feel best represents the quality of my post history.

I try to view Warhammer as more of a toolbox with examples than fully complete games. 
   
Made in gb
Fixture of Dakka







 NinthMusketeer wrote:
 Mad Doc Grotsnik wrote:
Why did the 19 year old Chainsaw Juggler retire?

He’d sawn off both his hands because he was crap at his job.
I saw that punchline coming

Without hands, is it truly a punchline?

2021 Plog - Here we go again... - my fifth attempt at a Dakka PLOG

My [url=https://pileofpotential.com/dysartes]Pile of Potential[/url - updates ongoing...

Gamgee on Tau Players wrote:we all kill cats and sell our own families to the devil and eat live puppies.


 Kanluwen wrote:
This is, emphatically, why I will continue suggesting nuking Guard and starting over again. It's a legacy army that needs to be rebooted with a new focal point.

Confirmation of why no-one should listen to Kanluwen when it comes to the IG - he doesn't want the IG, he want's Kan's New Model Army... 
   
 
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