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Granted. They sell nothing but the most cringy anime figures. With voice too.

I wish for a new bathtub.

GRanted. It's a direct portal to the lair of the Deep Ones. If you're lucky they'll drive you mad before they devour you.

I wish I had a servant to clean the 3 aquariums in my house.

Granted. The snail is so slow that life in the third aquarium will cease every time.

I wish for unlimited free beer.

Granted. You turned into a fat Bavarian called Helmut Freibier.

I wish to travel to Finland.

Granted but it's during the Winter War. Have fun fighting those Russians.

I wish Battlescribe wasn't all screwed up.

Granted. It's merely incomplete.

I wish my speakers went to eleven.

Granted! Your hearing, however, goes to zero.

I wish the Kardashians...the whole lot of them...would disappear.

Granted. They are gone. What appeared, however, is a large crowd of people in front of your house chanting "Bring Kim back from the dead, we want BigWaaghs head instead!" over and over.

I wish for a big house with a swimming pool.

Granted. But the pool is empty and the house was abandoned years ago after the "incident" that no one will talk about. Shadows there behave strangely and doors wont stay open or closed. Lightbulbs burn out in minutes and odd bits of conversation can be heard coming from empty rooms.

I wish i could sleep at night.

Granted! You now sleep soundly and deeply through the night, but as you've now taken a night shift job, it's not working out so well for you.

I wish I had a large crowd of people in front of my house chanting "Bring Kim back from the dead, we want BigWaaghs head instead!" over and over, as it would mean the Kardashians have disappearred! Worth it!

Granted. There are Kardashian bits all over your property and lots of inspectors stopping by with questions.

I wish to find a good lawn service.

Granted. You found a company that promised to keep your lawn mowed no matter what. What you didn't know is that they replaced your lawn with a plastic one and you never heard of them again.

I wish for high-end gaming PC.

Granted... But games are ultimately banned so you have nothing to play anymore.

I wish for a more exciting job.

Granted. You are a shark proof cage tester.

I wish fireworks were cheaper.

Granted. All safety laws and requirements were lifted too.

I wish to understand women.

Granted... It drives you insane in seconds.

I wish for longer weekends.

Granted. Weeks are also equally longer.

I wish my neighbors were housebroken.

Granted. Your neighbors now go to empty their bowels in front of your door.

(hope I got the meaning right, never heard that word before, haha)

I wish the cats of my neighborhood weren't gathering under my open window at night to 'sing' their horrible songs.

Granted. They gather now within your bedroom to serenade you at anytime you want to sleep.

I wish for my vacation to come.

Granted. It came last week while you were working and you missed it.

I wish for solid sleep.

 snurl wrote:
I wish for solid sleep.

Granted. You are now encased in solid carbonite and kept as a treasure in Jabba the Hutt's palace.

I wish I had more time to myself between finishing work and going to bed.

Granted. From all the time for yourself, you managed to get tennis elbow syndrome.

I wish for a self-refilling bowl of cereals.

Granted! The cereal, however, tastes like Trump's underwear after fat boy plays 48 holes on a steamy Florida golf course that doesn't allow carts.

I wish I could get that vision out of my mind.

Granted. But you are now his Caddie and have to witness this each and everytime in persona.

I wish for a nice and juicy burger for lunch.

Granted. The burger is from the Vietnam war military ration pack.

I wish for worldwide communism.

Granted. You are branded a capitalist and made into a scapegoat.

I wish to win for a change.

Granted. Congratulations! You won a one-way ticket to a deserted island on a bearly floating rust bucket without any supplies.

I wish for no more Star Wars movies.

Granted. Now they are First Order Saga movies.

I wish for a jeep.

Granted. You find yourself on board of an US Army Jeep in the middle of Vietnam... and the trees begin to talk in a strange language...

I wish for nicer neighbours...

Granted. They never ever leave you alone.

I wish for better roads.