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Granted. You summoned Coily from his slumber early. He's come to teach your a lesson and wreak your mind:



I wish to avoid summoning any more elder gods

Granted

You summon a younger God, the God of childish temper tantrums. It destroys the world when someone accidentally doesn’t say something nice about it.

I wish the only KFC in my town wasn’t really inaccessible, and relocate to its original position just the other end of the Pantiles, close to my current flat, without my own circumstances changing any.

Granted you sick monster! There is now a convenient Kids Fermented in Citrus for you to frequent.

I wish for po-tay-ters.


Edit for autocowreck.

Granted. You’re now also Gollum, and haven’t the foggiest what Taters are.

I wish woo peddlers and science denying idiots were properly called out and shamed.

Granted. Sciman Dan has been given a 1 hour program on BBC1, followed by a 1 hour Conspiracy Catz show. Rebroadcast on BBC2 two hours later.

I wish my roommates would order a proper round, thin crust, cut into wedges, New York style pizza instead of the bread with toppings crap they just ordered.

Granted. The toppings are pineapple, anchovies, snot, scabs and herpes.

I wish Wars were settled by the leaders of the countries involved taking part in an American Gladiators/Gladiators final run thing. First one to finish judged to have won the war.

Granted! North Korea cheats & conquers the planet.

I wish to win today's Powerball...

Granted!



I wish that in the next year or so, I win, outright, legally and without room for dispute, a healthy Euromillions lottery jackpot (around £100,000,000), and go on to open that sweet video game arcade I’ve got in mind that nothing horrible happens to and proves wildly popular.

Granted.
Sadly the arcade becomes so popular that you get constantly harrased for interviews, further, the people have to queue half a mile and regularly have brawls in front of it.

I wish that it stops snowing, i can only so often throw it of my hedge!

Granted. It stops snowing. In the Alps. For two seconds.

I wish I had a pet dog. Something like a Labrador, all soft and silly.

Granted... you get this dog...





I wish my roomies would be more quiet when I am sleeping.

Granted. But only because they’ve become Ninjas in order to murder you to death by killing you until you’re not alive.

I wish Dance music hadn’t become so popular. Just up to the KLF, then the fad passing would’ve been ideal. At least then idiots in clapped out Ford Escorts would’ve been blasting music that didn’t suck.

Granted! It's been replaced with mumble rap.

I wish for an MDF board laser cutter...

Granted it. It’s a laser cutter made purely from MDF. It’s effectiveness is debatable at best.

I wish George R R Martin had even the slightest inkling of how Game of Thrones is to conclude, and would get on with writing it.

Poor show runners. Not their fault the last few seasons were crap, given they were hired to adapt not invent a story.

Granted. George decides to serialize the last book, with new chapters to be released every six months until the book is complete.

I wish for a new game from GW which has flawless rules and global acceptance.

Granted, but you will be run over by a truck, while you are going to buy that game.

I wish I am not always right.

Granted. You are not always right, and very often uncomphrensible to boot.

I wish hexagon basing would make a comeback.

Granted. Unfortunately the price is you now have 27 heads, all of which bicker constantly, especially about whether squares or hexes are preferable, and your original head is rendered mute, so can only listen to the constant bickering. Oh, and your legs fall off.

I wish the boxed set of the original Romero zombie trilogy wasn’t marred by Night of the Living Dead being out of copyright, and thus some film school failure added entirely superfluous scenes, including a priest with bizarrely huge teeth.

I MEAN LOOK AT THEM.

Granted. For real. Leave the classics alone. And you get a fish-slap.

I wish to never see the likes of that again.

Granted, but because you haven't properly corrupted the previous wish, now you are a priest with bizarrely huge teeth and all the original Romero zombie trilogy is out of copyright.

I wish be a F1 drivers.

Granted. You are an F-1 driver, the only one who drives a bike. The other drivers laugh at you.

I wish to find the perfect miniature to paint.

granted. However, the figure is a one-off custom, that is not for sale, but used your most common opponent, silently taunting you every game you play against him.

i wish to finish my Pile of Shame, ie my stack of purchased but as yet unassembled models.

Granted, upon achieving the impossible the universe suffers instant and total negative space wedgie-ism creating a new universe where you must finish your self replicating pile of shame before you’re allowed to eat or sleep. And you’re immortal.

I wish for a rock.

Granted.

It’s Uluru. The UN wants to know what makes you think you have any legal claim to it.

I wish Jacob Rees Mogg’s hedge fund gets GameStopped, and he’s rendered beyond penniless, and nobody offers him help of any kind.

 Mad Doc Grotsnik wrote:
Granted.

It’s Uluru. The UN wants to know what makes you think you have any legal claim to it.

I wish Jacob Rees Mogg’s hedge fund gets GameStopped, and he’s rendered beyond penniless, and nobody offers him help of any kind.

Granted, but unfortunately, without the influence of the Right Honourable Member for Northeast Somerset, and Leader of the House of Commons, the ERG turns even more Eurosceptic, to the point where they deny the existence of Europe at all, claiming it to be fake news and that the nearest land to the UK is the Sweden to the east and Morocco to the south. Despite nearly destroying the UK economy with this nonsense, they continue to be elected to parliament for decades to come.

i wish for a new car.

Granted. You get a new car. Thanks to Covid, it's located in Sapporo, Japan. You'll have to go and pick it up yourself.

I wish i had bought some Gamestop stock last week.

 snurl wrote:
Granted. You get a new car. Thanks to Covid, it's located in Sapporo, Japan. You'll have to go and pick it up yourself.

I wish i had bought some Gamestop stock last week.

Granted. But you did as part of a Hedgefund hoping to short it. Enjoy bankruptcy

I wish the tasty junk food from my yoof was still in production, and easily available in my local area for pocket friendly prices, with nothing preventing me from indulging when I fancy.

 Mad Doc Grotsnik wrote:

 snurl wrote:
Granted. You get a new car. Thanks to Covid, it's located in Sapporo, Japan. You'll have to go and pick it up yourself.

I wish i had bought some Gamestop stock last week.

Granted. But you did as part of a Hedgefund hoping to short it. Enjoy bankruptcy

I wish the tasty junk food from my yoof was still in production, and easily available in my local area for pocket friendly prices, with nothing preventing me from indulging when I fancy.

granted. you gorge yourself on the treats of your childhood, unable to stop yourself, and are found many hours later, in a pile of grease, sugar and packaging, and rushed to hospital, having gained at least three different chronic conditions as a result of your excesses. Slanessh is mildly impressed.

I wish for the return of Warhammer Fantasy Battles.

Granted. It’s...it’s already happening. However, your wish is corrupted because every time you assemble an army, that Edge Lord shows up and burns it, to a hip-hop soundtrack because he’s just that hard and street and cool and hip and there’s certainly nobody laughing at him.

I wish I could be arsed to paint my armies.

 Mad Doc Grotsnik wrote:
Granted. It’s...it’s already happening. However, your wish is corrupted because every time you assemble an army, that Edge Lord shows up and burns it, to a hip-hop soundtrack because he’s just that hard and street and cool and hip and there’s certainly nobody laughing at him.

I wish I could be arsed to paint my armies.

(yhea, wasnt my best idea for a wish)

granted, you gain great enthusiasm for painting models. However, you find your never satisfied with the standards of your painting, and spend almost every free hour labouring over your models, endlessly painting and repainting your collection without ever stopping to ever actually play with them

I wish i could think of more intresting and fun wish ideas for this thread.