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Made in us
Terminator with Assault Cannon






OKC, Oklahoma

Granted. She's a drunk 35yo recent divorcee from Goose Bay in Northeastern Canada visiting your pub while on holiday. Her name is Cyndi (she spells it for you multiple times) and she currently thinks you are cute.

I wish the dog would stop eating my slippers.


Of all the races of the universe the Squats have the longest memories and the shortest tempers. They are uncouth, unpredictably violent, and frequently drunk. Overall, I'm glad they're on our side!

Office of Naval Intelligence Research discovers 3 out of 4 sailors make up 75% of U.S. Navy.
"Madness is like gravity... All you need is a little push."

:Nilla Marines: 2500
:Marine "Scouts": 2500 (Systemically Quarantined, Unsupported, Abhuman, Truncated Soldiers)

"On one side of me stand my Homeworld, Stronghold and Brotherhood; On the other, my ancestors. I cannot behave otherwise than honorably."
 
   
Made in gb
Sagitarius with a Big F'in Gun




Bath

 helgrenze wrote:
Granted. She's a drunk 35yo recent divorcee from Goose Bay in Northeastern Canada visiting your pub while on holiday. Her name is Cyndi (she spells it for you multiple times) and she currently thinks you are cute.

I wish the dog would stop eating my slippers.



granted, the dog suffers severe intestinal problems form having eaten the slippers, that require major surgery and re-mortgaging the house to fix, and it now requires a diet of high-protein fresh meat form the butchers. its eating better than you are now.


I wish for a covid test that wasnt quite so.....invasive.

Then it's Tommy this, an' Tommy that, an` Tommy, 'ow's yer soul? "
But it's " Thin red line of 'eroes " when the drums begin to roll
The drums begin to roll, my boys, the drums begin to roll,
O it's " Thin red line of 'eroes, " when the drums begin to roll.
"Tommy", Rudyard Kipling
500pts
1000 pts
 
   
Made in cz
Mysterious Techpriest






Fortress world of Ostrakan

Granted. British scientists invent a new non-invasive Covid test, that can find out if you are infected or not. All you have to do is to perfectly sing the Chinese anthem. The Chinese government then uses the massive increase of their anthem singing as an argument to invade your country.
However, there was a successful attempt to make it work on "Rule Brittania", but it was aborted because it allegedly supports racism.

I wish for a perfect date.

This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2021/04/07 07:57:46



Neutran Panzergrenadiers, Ostrakan Skitarii Legions, Order of the Silver Hand
My fan-lore: Europan Planetary federation. Hot topic: Help with Minotaurs chapter Killteam






 
   
Made in gb
Dakka Veteran





 Hawky wrote:
Granted. British scientists invent a new non-invasive Covid test, that can find out if you are infected or not. All you have to do is to perfectly sing the Chinese anthem. The Chinese government then uses the massive increase of their anthem singing as an argument to invade your country.
However, there was a successful attempt to make it work on "Rule Brittania", but it was aborted because it allegedly supports racism.

I wish for a perfect date.


Granted, you receive a date tree with a single perfect fruit. You pick it and eat it, it was the perfect date. You choke to death on the stone.

I wish for a bacon sandwich.
   
Made in gb
Sagitarius with a Big F'in Gun




Bath

Aash wrote:
 Hawky wrote:
Granted. British scientists invent a new non-invasive Covid test, that can find out if you are infected or not. All you have to do is to perfectly sing the Chinese anthem. The Chinese government then uses the massive increase of their anthem singing as an argument to invade your country.
However, there was a successful attempt to make it work on "Rule Brittania", but it was aborted because it allegedly supports racism.

I wish for a perfect date.


Granted, you receive a date tree with a single perfect fruit. You pick it and eat it, it was the perfect date. You choke to death on the stone.

I wish for a bacon sandwich.


granted, your sandwich is made with bacon....Kevin Bacon. the police are waiting, politely, outside for you to finish it.


i wish "cancel culture" stopped protesting seemingly symbolic but ultimately meaningless transgressions by celebrities and starting protesting the actual abuses of human rights conducted wholesale by certain nation-states*


Spoiler:
*im not naming any nations, but if you feel the need to jump to defence of your own nations actions....that says a lot about how you view their actions.

Then it's Tommy this, an' Tommy that, an` Tommy, 'ow's yer soul? "
But it's " Thin red line of 'eroes " when the drums begin to roll
The drums begin to roll, my boys, the drums begin to roll,
O it's " Thin red line of 'eroes, " when the drums begin to roll.
"Tommy", Rudyard Kipling
500pts
1000 pts
 
   
Made in cz
Mysterious Techpriest






Fortress world of Ostrakan

Granted. After the first attempt, cancel culture just canceled itself because people who like to cancel, and those certain nation-states officials found common ground in their ideological beliefs and joined forces.

I wish I was an evil genius and had a secret lair.


Neutran Panzergrenadiers, Ostrakan Skitarii Legions, Order of the Silver Hand
My fan-lore: Europan Planetary federation. Hot topic: Help with Minotaurs chapter Killteam






 
   
Made in us
Terminator with Assault Cannon






OKC, Oklahoma

Granted. It is so secret and well hidden that even you cannot find it. You hole up in a cheap, sleazy motel instead.... which is Genius! because no-one would ever think of looking for you in a place like that.

I wish my roommate wasn't a sleazy motel owner.

Of all the races of the universe the Squats have the longest memories and the shortest tempers. They are uncouth, unpredictably violent, and frequently drunk. Overall, I'm glad they're on our side!

Office of Naval Intelligence Research discovers 3 out of 4 sailors make up 75% of U.S. Navy.
"Madness is like gravity... All you need is a little push."

:Nilla Marines: 2500
:Marine "Scouts": 2500 (Systemically Quarantined, Unsupported, Abhuman, Truncated Soldiers)

"On one side of me stand my Homeworld, Stronghold and Brotherhood; On the other, my ancestors. I cannot behave otherwise than honorably."
 
   
Made in gb
Dakka Veteran





 helgrenze wrote:
Granted. It is so secret and well hidden that even you cannot find it. You hole up in a cheap, sleazy motel instead.... which is Genius! because no-one would ever think of looking for you in a place like that.

I wish my roommate wasn't a sleazy motel owner.


Granted, your roommate moves out, so can’t afford the rent. You have to move out and all you can afford is to rent a room in a sleazy motel, owned by your former roommate.

I wish the shows suggested by Netflix were actually good.
   
Made in cz
Mysterious Techpriest






Fortress world of Ostrakan

Granted. Since no criteria were given, Netflix keeps suggesting you good shows for fart-joke enthusiasts.

I wish I lived in the 1800s.


Neutran Panzergrenadiers, Ostrakan Skitarii Legions, Order of the Silver Hand
My fan-lore: Europan Planetary federation. Hot topic: Help with Minotaurs chapter Killteam






 
   
Made in gb
Sagitarius with a Big F'in Gun




Bath

 Hawky wrote:
Granted. Since no criteria were given, Netflix keeps suggesting you good shows for fart-joke enthusiasts.

I wish I lived in the 1800s.


granted, your now a peasant farmer, grew up in back braking poverty, until you get press ganged at the pub into the army and spend the rest of your short, brutish life sleeping in ditches, eating poorly, spending what little you can save on booze, and occasionally getting shot at. you die a slow, agonising death of sepsis, form a small cut taken when the man next to you in line is killed by a cannonball and a fragment of his bone cuts your stomach.

i wish politics wasn't so toxic and divided.

Then it's Tommy this, an' Tommy that, an` Tommy, 'ow's yer soul? "
But it's " Thin red line of 'eroes " when the drums begin to roll
The drums begin to roll, my boys, the drums begin to roll,
O it's " Thin red line of 'eroes, " when the drums begin to roll.
"Tommy", Rudyard Kipling
500pts
1000 pts
 
   
Made in ch
Warped Arch Heretic of Chaos





Granted. You live in an authoritharian one party state with massive corruption issues. Atleast the leading party is in alignement with itself and agrees that stealing from you and your fellow citizen is great.

I wish for an idea for a motivational speech.

https://www.dakkadakka.com/dakkaforum/posts/list/0/766717.page
A Mostly Renegades and Heretics blog.

 Daedalus81 wrote:

In the 41st millennium there is only overpriced hamberders.

 
   
Made in it
Regular Dakkanaut




Granted, but unfortunately you make a little mistake: it is a pro-jewish speech and you deliver it in Germany during the nazi regime.

I wish for a new computer.

The answer is inside you; but it is wrong. 
   
Made in us
Terminator with Assault Cannon






OKC, Oklahoma

Granted. It's amazingly new with a cutting edge quantum tech processor, crystalline memory, and a terabyte of Ram.... But it can only run Win 95.

I wish I had a newer vehicle.

Of all the races of the universe the Squats have the longest memories and the shortest tempers. They are uncouth, unpredictably violent, and frequently drunk. Overall, I'm glad they're on our side!

Office of Naval Intelligence Research discovers 3 out of 4 sailors make up 75% of U.S. Navy.
"Madness is like gravity... All you need is a little push."

:Nilla Marines: 2500
:Marine "Scouts": 2500 (Systemically Quarantined, Unsupported, Abhuman, Truncated Soldiers)

"On one side of me stand my Homeworld, Stronghold and Brotherhood; On the other, my ancestors. I cannot behave otherwise than honorably."
 
   
Made in gb
Last Remaining Whole C'Tan






Granted. It’s a Skaven Doomwheel. Your first drive does not end well. For anyone. And the rats eat your delicate flobbily dobbilies.

I wish Russell Brand had died in place of Rik Mayall.

Fed up of Scalpers? But still want your Exclusives? Why not join us?

Pfizer vaccine administered 13:40pm 18 Feb 21. Still no second head. Second jab 13:35pm 6 May 2021. At the Masonic Hall. 
   
Made in gb
Stalwart Tribune





Northumberland

Granted. It's amazing and he continues to release deliciously funny stuff, including a new series of Bottom. However, you're now haunted by Russell Brand. He constantly badgers you for ghostly hair products and tight pants.

I wish for a weekend where I can actually relax.

One and a half feet in the hobby


My Adeptus Mechanicus Painting Log:
# The Explorator Fleet of Labrunnia IX #

 
   
Made in gb
Sagitarius with a Big F'in Gun




Bath

 Olthannon wrote:
Granted. It's amazing and he continues to release deliciously funny stuff, including a new series of Bottom. However, you're now haunted by Russell Brand. He constantly badgers you for ghostly hair products and tight pants.

I wish for a weekend where I can actually relax.


granted. you have a weekend free of any obligations or anything that would stop you form just relaxed. However, your unable to actually relax, and remind in a state of restless, vague discontent, despite no articulatable reason as to why you can't relax, which leaves you in a even more sour mood on Monday than if you'd been busy all weekend.

I wish the Hours Heresy book series would just sodding get on with it and finish already.

This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2021/04/17 22:08:44


Then it's Tommy this, an' Tommy that, an` Tommy, 'ow's yer soul? "
But it's " Thin red line of 'eroes " when the drums begin to roll
The drums begin to roll, my boys, the drums begin to roll,
O it's " Thin red line of 'eroes, " when the drums begin to roll.
"Tommy", Rudyard Kipling
500pts
1000 pts
 
   
Made in us
Terminator with Assault Cannon






OKC, Oklahoma

Granted. GW has decided that the HOURS Heresy books should be written by Robert Jordan. The first volume is a 3500 page long description of the state of the universe before the HOURS Heresy begins. It is very descriptive.

I wish I had the energy to work on some household projects that need done.

This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2021/04/19 06:35:12


Of all the races of the universe the Squats have the longest memories and the shortest tempers. They are uncouth, unpredictably violent, and frequently drunk. Overall, I'm glad they're on our side!

Office of Naval Intelligence Research discovers 3 out of 4 sailors make up 75% of U.S. Navy.
"Madness is like gravity... All you need is a little push."

:Nilla Marines: 2500
:Marine "Scouts": 2500 (Systemically Quarantined, Unsupported, Abhuman, Truncated Soldiers)

"On one side of me stand my Homeworld, Stronghold and Brotherhood; On the other, my ancestors. I cannot behave otherwise than honorably."
 
   
Made in gb
Last Remaining Whole C'Tan






Granted. After a half dozen cans of Monster for the required energy, you have a fatal. accident involving a roundsaw, 400’ of drywall, and a completely baffled squirrel. Upside is the baby’s room is now painted Arterial Red.

I wish I had more cheese and biscuits.

Fed up of Scalpers? But still want your Exclusives? Why not join us?

Pfizer vaccine administered 13:40pm 18 Feb 21. Still no second head. Second jab 13:35pm 6 May 2021. At the Masonic Hall. 
   
Made in it
Regular Dakkanaut




Granted, but unfortunately they are poisoned.

I wish I was the author of this video:


The answer is inside you; but it is wrong. 
   
Made in cz
Mysterious Techpriest






Fortress world of Ostrakan

Granted. You are, and you get sued for stealing intellectual property. The fact it was unintentional is no excuse, you filthy, filthy, thief!

I wish I could see through walls.


Neutran Panzergrenadiers, Ostrakan Skitarii Legions, Order of the Silver Hand
My fan-lore: Europan Planetary federation. Hot topic: Help with Minotaurs chapter Killteam






 
   
Made in gb
Last Remaining Whole C'Tan






Granted. You see through them as if they weren’t there. All of them. All of the time. You see things that cannot be unseen all the time. The horrors of humanity stripped back and raw. People doing unspeakable things to people. Non-stop.

I wish the wording for this very important letter would come to me. Was hoping to get it out by the end of today, but it’s not gonna happen at this rate.

Fed up of Scalpers? But still want your Exclusives? Why not join us?

Pfizer vaccine administered 13:40pm 18 Feb 21. Still no second head. Second jab 13:35pm 6 May 2021. At the Masonic Hall. 
   
Made in us
Terminator with Assault Cannon






OKC, Oklahoma

Granted. the ghost of Shakespeare visits you to inspire your writing. However, it is in olde english and practically indecipherable to those it is intended for.

I wish more people played the Ultracorps online game.

Of all the races of the universe the Squats have the longest memories and the shortest tempers. They are uncouth, unpredictably violent, and frequently drunk. Overall, I'm glad they're on our side!

Office of Naval Intelligence Research discovers 3 out of 4 sailors make up 75% of U.S. Navy.
"Madness is like gravity... All you need is a little push."

:Nilla Marines: 2500
:Marine "Scouts": 2500 (Systemically Quarantined, Unsupported, Abhuman, Truncated Soldiers)

"On one side of me stand my Homeworld, Stronghold and Brotherhood; On the other, my ancestors. I cannot behave otherwise than honorably."
 
   
Made in gb
Last Remaining Whole C'Tan






Granted. They’re all 13 years old, won’t shut up, and have cheats up the wazoo rendering your gaming experience exceptionally poor. But the game is jammed in your system, and you’re forced to play it forever more.

Wish I had a McDonalds earlier.

Fed up of Scalpers? But still want your Exclusives? Why not join us?

Pfizer vaccine administered 13:40pm 18 Feb 21. Still no second head. Second jab 13:35pm 6 May 2021. At the Masonic Hall. 
   
Made in gb
Stalwart Tribune





Northumberland

Granted. You did have it earlier while simultaneously not having it earlier, thus creating a small rift in the space-time continuum located squarely in your lower intestine. The end result is later known as a "brown hole".

I wish I had a third arm.



One and a half feet in the hobby


My Adeptus Mechanicus Painting Log:
# The Explorator Fleet of Labrunnia IX #

 
   
Made in gb
Last Remaining Whole C'Tan






Granted. It’s your neighbours, and the Police want an explanation.

I wish the builders outside finish soon. Three years of non-stop construction barring Sunday’s. They’re not awful by any stretch, but I could do without the noise.

Fed up of Scalpers? But still want your Exclusives? Why not join us?

Pfizer vaccine administered 13:40pm 18 Feb 21. Still no second head. Second jab 13:35pm 6 May 2021. At the Masonic Hall. 
   
Made in us
Terminator with Assault Cannon






OKC, Oklahoma

Granted. The current project finishes and they start to move all their equipment.... 100 feet to the other side of your home. This project is expected to last 4 years.

I wish I could get free digital versions of music I already have in other formats.

Of all the races of the universe the Squats have the longest memories and the shortest tempers. They are uncouth, unpredictably violent, and frequently drunk. Overall, I'm glad they're on our side!

Office of Naval Intelligence Research discovers 3 out of 4 sailors make up 75% of U.S. Navy.
"Madness is like gravity... All you need is a little push."

:Nilla Marines: 2500
:Marine "Scouts": 2500 (Systemically Quarantined, Unsupported, Abhuman, Truncated Soldiers)

"On one side of me stand my Homeworld, Stronghold and Brotherhood; On the other, my ancestors. I cannot behave otherwise than honorably."
 
   
Made in cz
Mysterious Techpriest






Fortress world of Ostrakan

Granted. The phony pirate bay website already has your location, and missile drone has been dispatched.

I wish to win the Golden Deamon.


Neutran Panzergrenadiers, Ostrakan Skitarii Legions, Order of the Silver Hand
My fan-lore: Europan Planetary federation. Hot topic: Help with Minotaurs chapter Killteam






 
   
Made in gb
Sagitarius with a Big F'in Gun




Bath

 Hawky wrote:
Granted. The phony pirate bay website already has your location, and missile drone has been dispatched.

I wish to win the Golden Deamon.



granted. you now have a gold-rated, prize winning Deamon for your computer, which collates the best of the Golden Demon painting competition photos for you to look at while you curse your spelling mistake.


i wish i could fly though the air in a controlled manner, like superman.

Then it's Tommy this, an' Tommy that, an` Tommy, 'ow's yer soul? "
But it's " Thin red line of 'eroes " when the drums begin to roll
The drums begin to roll, my boys, the drums begin to roll,
O it's " Thin red line of 'eroes, " when the drums begin to roll.
"Tommy", Rudyard Kipling
500pts
1000 pts
 
   
Made in us
Terminator with Assault Cannon






OKC, Oklahoma

Granted. The CAA (Civil Aviation Authority) would like a word about your unauthorized use of the airspace.

I wish I could have a plumber install a "Beer Tap" in my house.

Of all the races of the universe the Squats have the longest memories and the shortest tempers. They are uncouth, unpredictably violent, and frequently drunk. Overall, I'm glad they're on our side!

Office of Naval Intelligence Research discovers 3 out of 4 sailors make up 75% of U.S. Navy.
"Madness is like gravity... All you need is a little push."

:Nilla Marines: 2500
:Marine "Scouts": 2500 (Systemically Quarantined, Unsupported, Abhuman, Truncated Soldiers)

"On one side of me stand my Homeworld, Stronghold and Brotherhood; On the other, my ancestors. I cannot behave otherwise than honorably."
 
   
Made in cz
Mysterious Techpriest






Fortress world of Ostrakan

Granted. You get installed a beer tap, but it still pours diluted, shoddy, bad American beer, not the good stuff we have in Europe.

I wish to own a radio-controlled Baneblade tank.


Neutran Panzergrenadiers, Ostrakan Skitarii Legions, Order of the Silver Hand
My fan-lore: Europan Planetary federation. Hot topic: Help with Minotaurs chapter Killteam






 
   
 
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