Hot off the altar I snagged these from the B&C. All credit goes to Maeklos. I just couldn't resist after nearly falling off my chair for 10 minutes.
Quoting Maeklos,
"Here's a new bunch of Chaos rumors that I decided to completely make up.
*Marks
-Mark of Chaos Undivided - Units and
ICs bearing the
MoCU will be able to take shuriken catapults as weapons, but the shurikens themselves must be modeled as individual miniature eight-pointed stars. Also,
ICs can take the "Eightfold Power of Death" as a psyker ability. This power lets the using model initiate a "Death Attack" that involves smashing your model into your opponent's as hard as you can, knocking it off the table completely. This attack must be accompanied with the chant "Chaos rocks, you suck! Chaos rocks, you suck!" If you are fighting Necrons, be sure to say this in an appropriately computer-like way, such as "Xaos r0xx0r2, j00 suxx0r2!"
-Mark of Slaanesh - The Mark of Slaanesh will gift a unit or
IC with a +1I bonus, but in return, when facing Sisters of Battle armies, or any army containing female models, any model/unit with the Mark of Slaanesh must make a
Ld check with a -3 penalty or move towards the nearest female model. If contact with these models is reached, the model(s) with the Mark of Slaanesh must remain 1" away from the female models, and spend their next turn staring in stupefied awe.
-Mark of Khorne - The Mark of Khorne turns any model bearing it into a ferocious killing machine, gaining +1S and +1A. However, the model(s) become completely uncontrollable and will "zerg" towards the nearest model (friend or foe) and attempt to butcher them with mindless fury. In addition to this uncontained bloodlust, should anyone, friend or foe, make any Khorney jokes (such as mentioning "Khorne on the khob" or "Kreamed Khorne"
you must initiate an immediate "Death Attack" as per the
MoCU rules. Also, in addition to this, you - BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD!
-Mark of Nurgle - Units and characters bearing the Mark of Nurgle gain +1T and +1W as their bodies are ravaged by numerous plagues and pestilences. These must be shown on the model by making sure the model is covered in a thick, gooey coating of mucus at all times. This can be achieved by sticking the model in one of your nostrils. Either left or right works fine, but be sure to choose the larger one, so that any odd pointy bits don't get stuck.
-Mark of Tzeentch - Units bearing the Mark of Tzeentch become mindless automata and will henceforth follow all the rules for Necron Destroyers. Characters bearing the Mark of Tzeentch become sorcerors of awesome power, and upon paying the 45-point cost for the Mark will gain access to one minor psychic power of their choice, which can be used once per game. Also, to help balance this awesome power, models - BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD! AAAAAHHHH!
*Wargear
-Kai Gun - This weapon has been upgraded a bit so that it now resembles, in all respects, the Tau railgun. However, any model killed by the Etherlance changes into a Chaos Spawn. A roll of 1 to hit will caused the bearer to turn into a Chaos Spawn instead.
-Spiky Bits - Spiky Bits no longer allow a re-roll of a failed to-hit roll in close combat. Instead, they increase the radius that a general may issue march orders to his units by 12". Spiky Bits may also be replaced with Slimy Bits, Squirmy Bits, Slashy Bits, and Silly Bits to represent Nurgle, Tzeentch, Khorne, and Slaanesh characters.
-Evil Potato Gun - A new piece of wargear that can be taken by a character that replaces common frag grenades. Instead of such crude explosive devices, the Evil Potato Gun instead launches mutated spuds steeped in the pure stuff of the Warp. These potatoes explode on impact, mutating everything their gooey insides touch. To reflect this, anytime the character bearing this item assaults into cover,
d6 defending models will turn into Greater Daemons under the direct control of the attacking player, of a type appropriate to the Mark of the attacking model, or at the player's choice if the character bears no Mark or the Mark of Chaos Undivided.
-Krak Grenades - Fixed the spelling so that they are now correctly called Crack Grenades. A character with Crack Grenades may choose to use these in any assault. When used, they cause each defending model to immediately start jabbering endlessly about random things and running around wildly, thus making them completely useless in close combat. To reflect this, all defending models'
WS is treated as being 1 for the duration of the combat, and they are unable to attack.
-Carapace Armour - Characters can select carapace armour to replace their power armour for 10 pts. While this may seem like a downgrade, should the player be facing any Imperial Guard, a character wearing carapace armour may instead choose to lead an opponent's unit instead of his own. Note that this will make the character controllable by the opponent. However, roll for this unit as if it were a Reserve. Once the unit "turns up", it switches sides and joins the Chaos player, gaining an immediate free round of shooting as it does so.
*Units
-Raptors - For game balance reasons, Raptors will no longer have the Daemonic Flight ability, as this made the Raptors resemble standard Space Marine Assault Squads too closely. Instead, Raptors will move with the Slow and Purposeful rule to better reflect their careful and precise hunting style.
-Defilers - Defilers will now have the option of "defiling" enemy armour. If the Defiler manages to destroy an enemy vehicle in close combat, it can now defile the wreck, turning it into another Defiler.
-Land Raider - To better represent the Traitor Legions' grasp of pre-Heresy technology, Land Raiders will now become Fast Skimmers, as they incorporate anti-gravity drive systems long in decline among the Imperium.
-Daemons - Daemon units will no longer be summoned onto the table. Instead, they start on the table as normal and no longer suffer from Daemonic Instability. To better reflect their new role not as specialist units but as common soldiers, they have had a points cost reduction of -20 pts per model. In the cases where this would make a model cost 0 points or less, those models are now free and a Chaos player may take as many of them as they wish.
I'll add more later, as I - BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD!"
"*Units, cont'd
-Havoc - The size of Havoc squads has been changed to 15-30 models per unit to better reflect their status as siege specialists. Also, heavy weapons will be mandatory for all models in a Havoc Squad at the points listed: Mortar - 10pts, Railgun - 15pts, Ion Cannon - 25pts, Dreadnought Close Combat Weapon - 10pts, Earthshaker Cannon - 5pts, Disintegrator - 10pts, Barbed Strangler -15pts. Any weapon may also be twin-linked for an addition cost of +5pts.
-Chaos Lord - No longer has access to the Chaos armory, as it was found to be "not fluffy". Instead, Chaos Lords will have the ability to pick any unit upgrade from the following codices: Blood Angels, Orks, Space Wolves, or Dark Eldar.
-Predator - Chaos forces will no longer be able to take Predators of any type in their armies. They were found to be too much like Space Marine Predators and will be replaced by futuristic siege machines called "Steam Tanks".
-Glade Riders - Glade Riders will no longer be available to Chaos forces, as these are now specified as belonging to Wood Elf armies.
*Special Characters
-Abaddon - To prevent misunderstanding of how his name is pronounced ("AB-uh-don" as opposed to "uh-BAD-un"
, his name will henceforth be changed to Pete. Also, to clear up pronunciation of Drachnyen, his sword will henceforth be known as Zxrqptmnxdf.
-Fabius Bile - The word "Bile" was found to be too distasteful to focus groups, so henceforth Fabius Bile will be known as Fabulous Guy.
-Kharn the Betrayer - In an effort to balance Kharn's unstoppable 2+ hitting in close combat, now, whenever a 1 is rolled for to-hit, instead of attacking a friendly model, Kharn will explode in a thermonuclear blast, killing every model on the table with no saves allowed. BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD!
-Typhus, Herald of Nurgle - The word "Typhus" is too closely related to "Typhoid" and is considered in bad taste considering the many millions of people that typhoid fever has killed throughout history. Instead, he will be known as "Gonorrheus".
-Ahriman - In an effort to make Ahriman worthwhile and bring him up to the level of characters created from regular Sorceror Lords, his points cost as been increased to 450 points and all his psychic powers have been removed.
-Lucius the Eternal - Lucius will be retired from the
40k world so he can pursue his career as a WCW championship wrestler known as Lucious Red. His place as the Slaaneshi special character will be taken by Sinuous Slithery, the Lord of Blasticus Magnus, whose trademark weapons will be a three-headed snake and a power fork.
*Daemon Primarchs
-It will now be possible to field the daemon primarchs in Legion-specific armies. Angron, Perturabo, Magnus, Mortarion, Lorgar, and Fulgrim will once more stalk the fields of battle! The new primarch models will cost US$527.95 and the primarchs themselves will run in the area of 4300pts, give or take a few hundred depending on how wussy (Lorgar!) they are."
"*Allies
-Chaos forces will now be able to draw upon a larger pool of allies to better represent the shifting alliances of Chaos. The list now includes: Imperial Guard, Dark Eldar, Orks, Beastmen, and Skaven. An earlier idea to include Vampire Counts and Tomb Kings as ally choices was changed, as the Undead don't worship Chaos, despite being "evil" races.
-Chaos armies may also include a 0-2 Troops, 0-1 Heavy Support, 0-1 Fast Attack and 0-1
HQ choices from Codex: Space Marines in addition to their normal force disposition in battles against Tau and any Eldar army that includes Harlequins to represent loyalist and traitor marines coming together to fight against "those damned blue-skinned commies" and "those freaky killer clowns"."
I laughed myself sore after reading this. Took a lot of thought and puts a very entertaining face on
GWs attempts to change dexs. I'm thinking of starting a Fabulous Guy warband and repainting his model in suitabley stylish colours.
Your #1 Fan 
