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Well after the depressing news from Baltimore Games Day (no new plastic IG, no Lost and Darned, no Ordo Xenos, but we do get Gothik Elfs in Space) let's check in on some rumors from a parallel universe:

• Codex Cults is the next big project, with rules for Chaos cults, genestealer cults and Imperial fanatics.  Look for plastic human waves, mutants, armored limosines and Centaur pattern civilian trucks.  The rules of course will be posted online for six months of open play testing.
• FAQs will be updated monthly with weekly webchats used to get feedback and questions.
• Lord of the Rings will be discontinued, to make room for Dune miniatures!

What other rumors do you have from our parallel universe?

What exactly was depressing about more confirmations about the Ork codex and the coming Ork releases?

Look, LATD getting shafted sucks hardcore. I'm not going to lie and say it'll magically be better going forward for LATD players. But if you want to make a *female dog*ing thread like this one, isn't discussions a better spot for it?

• Andy Chambers and Toumas Prinen working on a new cyber punk skirmish game. Artwork by Mark Gibbons the miniatures will be sculpted by Rackham.
• Gav Thrope gets sacked and plays only at mall/hardware store openings or in bars for cheap money.
• Jervis Johnson becomes head of the new Hug and Play Cult which members never ever argue about rule issues.
• DakkaDakka members Yakface and Mauled are allowed to edit the 40k rules
• Kid Kyoto is in conversation with GW about the new book "The true Story about the Space Emperor".
• GW  produces animated TV series for the Fantasy and 40k Universe for mature audience.

• Nintendo realeses "The Super Space Marine Brothers" (Marius and Luthor).

Did I take it to far?

Gaming forums worldwide close for a month long "gripe holiday"

#  Withdrawal related hospital admittance trebles, cause unknown.
#  Companies report record productivity gains from key employees.
#  Hordes of unkempt men flock to GW stores worldwide to froth and jabber at each other.
#  Forum closure results in minor baby boom the following year.

Posted By venkh on 11/07/2007 5:55 AM

Gaming forums worldwide close for a month long "gripe holiday"

#  Withdrawal related hospital admittance trebles, cause unknown.
#  Companies report record productivity gains from key employees.
#  Hordes of unkempt men flock to GW stores worldwide to froth and jabber at each other.
#  Forum closure results in minor baby boom the following year.

QFT  ")

- Salvage

*The OT Zone discovers new method of "eye-measurement"

*Winky becomes the new symbol for Dakka Dakka

*People discover there have always been viable game systems outside of GW.

As has been rumored for months, the ailing Space Marine army will be given a complete overhaul and re-sculpt.  Jes Goodwin was noted as saying "We didn't really focus on the Marines like they deserved.  They're a rich part of the 40k universe and deserve to be treated as such."  While they will likely never match the popularity of Squats or Cultists, hopefully the Space Marine project will give this army the shot in the arm it sorely needs.

(Less of a rumor, more of a story from TGN.)

* Popularity of Rogue Trader 4th edition has soared. GW insiders confess that it may soon join Epic and Man O' War as a "third core system."

*The release of the latest 40k Codex-- Not Chaos, Not Marines!

* Internet rife with complaints about Squat and Cultist sub-lists delaying release of Space Marines codex
* Codex Red Squats published in White Dwarf.
* White Dwarf introduces a new half page feature called 'new releases' amongst its regular well written in-depth articles.
* Despite having a solid, long lived core game and keeping players up to date on the latest happenings Rackham gets into financial difficulty. Rumours suggest that their poor metal sculpts are to blame.
* Pre-painted models are universally accepted as the future of wargaming miniatures.

Posted By George Spiggott on 11/07/2007 3:17 PM
* Pre-painted models are universally accepted as the future of wargaming miniatures.

He said alternate universe, not future universe.

All GW vehicles will come pre-assembled.
Due to a general interest in Chroming, base-coat tins go to$50.00 US.
Due to the Oil crisis, minatures will no longer come out in plastic(too dear!) but platinum instead.
GW are perfecting a 7-sided dice, to go with the new Ork Codex.
GW will be including a coupon in the next WD, for a free 'gamers Make-over' perfected by Richard Simmons.
Britney Spears will be the Guest of Honor at the GT in Brisbane in '08.

* At Games Day New York (held in Madison Square Garden) someone asked if there were any plans for High Elfs or Dark Elfs. The studio said no, due to low sales there are no plans for bring back those anerexic hair stylists. However Dwarfs, Chaos Dwarfs, and Mountain Dwarfs will be joined by Sea Dwarfs, marines who raid the coast from their steam-powered submarines.

"Frankly our fans are more likely to associate themselves with hairy fat men than andronginous artist types." they said.

* In addition a long-standing fluff problem will get its 'final solution' with this summer's campaign, Doom of the Eldar.

* HR Giger is definitely committed to sculpting the next version of Slanneshi Daemons. They will be shipped in sealed wrappers and cannot be sold to customers under the age of 21 or with a heart condition.

* Damnatus III: The Final Battle will be out this summer. Filming on Damnatus IV: A New Beginning will start shortly thereafter. Peter Jackson to direct, Vin Diesel to star.

Posted By Kid_Kyoto on 11/07/2007 11:06 PM
* At Games Day New York (held in Madison Square Garden) someone asked if there were any plans for High Elfs or Dark Elfs. The studio said no, due to low sales there are no plans for bring back those anerexic hair stylists. However Dwarfs, Chaos Dwarfs, and Mountain Dwarfs will be joined by Sea Dwarfs, marines who raid the coast from their steam-powered submarines...

Oh christ! Marines have taken over that universe too.

Actually, Sea Dwarves would rule!

Think of the battles between sea dwarf marines and zombie ninja pirates!

So was it true that the reason that Andy Chambers gal was asked to leave was because he didn't agree to FASA buying GW? Gotta say I agreed with her, it's sad to see yet another US game company get snatched up

* GW announces the discontinuation of Warhammer Fantasy, in the same pattern as 40k took last year.

* Sales of the new 40klicks game have skyrocketed. Soon 'Wierd Marines' blister packs will reach retail stores to sit along side previous releases: "Codex Marines', "Loyalist Marines', 'Traitor Marines', 'Chaos Legion Marines', 'Female Marines', 'Ultramarines', and 'Necrons'.

* Rumors of unspecified plans for the organization of the board to chose the committee to initiate design of the possible release box for Eldar and Orks were quickly squashed by GW's most recent press conference, for fear of looking too committed and inflexible.

* The latest rules design initiative has been accorded a great success. GW credits the wild popularity of the new rules set to adding Blind Gregorian Monks and Ancient Latin to the language/translator pattern, inserted just after the Humpback Whales/Blues combo and before the Chinese/English finisher.

*The famed 'Rules Decision Die' is on display now, and is due in stores shortly. The six sides of the die are: Player 1's interpretation, Player's 2 interpretation, Alternate Turns, Poll the Spectators, Player 1's little sister's interpretation, and Consult the Magic 8ball. Magic 8ball sold separately.

... you didn't say a GOOD alternate universe.

* The 5th edition of 40k is published and is recieved as an astouding success, in spite of the fact of it only being long enough to accomodate the opening pages. When questioned on this GW stated that "We didnt want people getting bogged down in over complex rule systems, so we did away with modifiers, cover saves, weapon AP and the rest of the rules. The important thing is that people have fun, thats what really counts"

* Orks codex is released, overpowered. After a brief time in the spotlight the entire codex is nerfed back into the depths of 40k following an FAQ.

* Prices of models drop by as little as 1c. Economy collapses

Controversy erupts when the 5th edition rule book replaces army point construction with rolls on a d1000 table. GW explains it is the spirt of the game. Warseer applauds. Dakka complains, but then again, don't they always?

In the parallel universe, Warseer is a bastion of rules, army tactics and math, KK.

*Warhammer 40k 5th edition is released with a complete rules rewrite. Based on the Warhammer Ancients Battles/Lord of The Rings mechanics (now playtested thoroughly by the historicals community) it has elements to be played as both small and large skirmish, an explanation of points cost, and includes rules to create your own forces using other company's miniatures. It is released as a 'living' rulebook, in .pdf form. Following the success of Radiohead, they post a recommended cost, but accept any payment of any amount.

*Following an anti-competition lawsuit filed by the EU, Games Workshop is broken up into three companies: Specialist Games continues to produce their line, plus the Warhammer Ancients rules, to great success and acclaim. Citadel Miniatures retools itself, continuing to produce their past catalogue, but also creating miniatures for different companies' rules sets (including the exclusive non-prepainted figures for AT-43). Games Workshop continues to produce LOTR and Warhammer Fantasy rules, while 40k has been temporarily discontinued to be re-released as a 40mm CMG in the Spring of 2010. Specialist Games will continue to produce 'Classic' 40k for old timers, and is in negotiations with both Citadel and Hasslefree to produce both old and new figures.
*In the Distance of the Near Future, there are only seasonal discounts!

The new 5th edition codex, being reviewed carefully by a team of real contract lawyers and the regular 4 months of open review by gamers, is absolutely free from inconsistencies, ambiguous language or really any confusion about how to do anything.

(Seriously, if they would allow us to see rules and submit problems and ask them if they REALLY Mean for the rules to indicate that anyone who CARRIES a rapid fire weapon shoots any weapon that they cannot charge that turn, then this game would be much better.)

Also, amid the release of the new rule book, several major changes in rules drastically affected the value and effectiveness of several units. The extreme versions of these were pointed out and their entries in their respective books have been altered in faq's released concurrently with the rulebook.

CONFIRMED! Pete Haines has begun work on the rumored Codex: Obliterator Kingdoms, the long-anticipated follow-up to his acclaimed masterwork Codex: Thousand Sons. The new codex will focus on the Obliterators and their diminutive helpers, the Gnobgobblers. "We wanted the focus to be on the Obliterators themselves," remarked Haines, "Codex: Obliterator Kingdoms represents a full-scale Obliterator incursion, and as such these Obliterators will be more powerful than their counterparts from Codex: Chaos Legions who play more of a supporting role. For example the Obliterators in the upcoming codex will have unmodified Toughness 5! I don't want to give too much away, but rest assured an army of Obliterators has got plenty going for it."

Abadabadoobaddon wrote:The new codex will focus on the Obliterators and their diminutive helpers, the Gnobgobblers.

Please, stop making me laugh so hard at work!

Kid_Kyoto wrote:Lord of the Rings will be discontinued, to make room for Dune miniatures!

Gods! I wish!

but then again the game would be so good no one would need to play 40K ever again!

Games Workshop announces plans to scale back their enormous proofreading department.

GW figures out making new models is pointless, decides return to mid-90s 'tell your army apart from the next with color' is the way to go.

I give you a preview list of paint colors GW is about to release. See if you can match them up with the appropriate army!

Sublime Lime
Go Mango
Banana
Panther Pink
Plum Crazy
Original Cinnamon
Bring ‘Em Back Olive
Three Putt Green
Yellow Snow
Augmented Chestnut
Copper Feel

Also...

The Latest GW Slogan:

The best minis that cost-cutting can create!