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OK...I need some incite on what to do....because I am lost for ideas...
My current group has a guy that is a great gamer, but every once in
a while his cousin will invite himself to our games... The cousin is a pain
in my side...and will pilfer threw my stuff instead of gaming.. interrupts
the games... and the time he does play...he talks about stuff that
has nothing to do with whats going on...try to cheat and all around
problem maker... Mind you he is in his late 20's in a group around
the same age.... I have spoken to my Friend a number of times about this,but
he is a nice guy and guess feels sorry for his cousin for some reason..
But the guy got my home phone and cell phone number (never remember
giving it to him) and will call like every 3 minutes until I answer... then its so
what are "we" doing tonight..and if I don't answer he shows up to my house anyway..
How to uninvited the uninvited??

I am the best representative to incite a riot.

Tell your " friend" that if he doesn't get his stuff together, continues to pilfer your stuff, and come over just to be a pain in the , that he needs to go take his 10 year old childish act to some other playground where his antics might not get his kicked.

I would have given him the three phase attack plan in the first place, because it only makes it harder to get rid of a duche the longer they stick around. For your fellow gamer, you need to give them an ultimatum- Control your pet cousin, get him fixed, neutered, or whatever he needs to do to get the to act civilized in your company, OR he can go play with his cousin.
As for the stalker stuff, tell cousin It that he needs to forget your number or go find himself another place, ( preferribly in another STATE) to play, because if you see him again, your going to wear his head for a trophey.

If you spoke to Cousin IT, and he continues, you need to kick your friend out along with freakmiester.
You and your group need to come to a consensus of if you are going to allow this behavior to continue, or if you all feel the same way. Then they all need to give the guy so much static that he leaves, your " friend" gets it in no uncertain terms that he is disrespecting your group by even bringing this kid araound, and that you are willing to cut his gaming off, and he needs to go try to find another one that will put up with an .

You can't be nice to an . You need to tell them exactly what you want from them, and if they continue, follow through. No second chance, no mealy mouthing it, none of that. Pull up the boot straps and start kicking.

Some may say I am harsh, but what happens when Cousin It starts taking your cash out of your wallet, ripping you off, or getting your bank, credit, or Social Security numbers? You need to cut the guy off. I hope you arn't too late, or you have a change of heart. The cat is a walking foo pahh. Any one of you out there ever tried that in some of the clubs I've ever seen, they would probibly all go pounce you outside, and give you the whipping of your life.

No gaming group worth it's salt lets people go through thier stuff without asking, lets flagrent cheating, or someone who is obviously a mental midget continue to bother them. Most groups give outsiders, ( even related ones) one chance to mess thier trousers, after that, the labels come, the blaitent insults, and the ostrichization of the duche in question.
Tell your friend that if he brings Cousin It to the party, that he need not stay, unpack his stuff, or even hang around.
Cut them both off. Your gaming buddy is as guilty as his cousin, if not more so for letting his GUEST do that sort of stuff.

Of course, some call me harsh,

but thats just my opinion. take it for what its worth.

I hope this guy doesn't ruin your gaming group.

It's an awkward situation, and I feel for you.

The podcast Fear The Boot occasionaly discusses how to deal with this kind of thing, with advice that sometimes sounds like Grot 6. A recent episode covers "How to handle uncomfortable social situations when hosting a game" amongst other topics.

I find that pepper spray, applied facially, discourages people from acting inappropriately in many situations.

I think if you just lay it out there to your friend that this guy is really pissing you off he should, if he's reasonable, have a word with his cousin and explain that you can't behave that way. It sucks that you're put in the position where you have to do that, but if you just calmly explain how much it ruins your enjoyment (of what is essentialy a fun pastime) it should be cool.

Great points...and gives me new directions to take this...
And you guys are right....I should be the one enjoying my
self...
As for the money comment...funny thing is.. We went to Games
Day last year.. To make sure there was no arragment issues I paid
for the air line tickets... We got the tickets 3 months ahead and everyone
paid in a very short time....except for the cousin....he waited till
two weeks before the Con. My buddy ended up paying me for his
Cousin to keep me quiet and when he finally did pay...He acted like
he was helping me out... This was stage 4 when I found out dont lend
him money...

Just Friday... I was playing GTA4 while waiting for everyone to show
up when he showed up...*univited* I paused the game to answer the
door...then my wife called and I left the room...with out asking or
wondering if it would affect my game he unpaused the game and started
playing...

Actaully I have asked if the cousin is on some type of medication...he is not...

i have lots of experience with people who act like that and my way to deal with it is if someone does stuff like that make sure to save the game before you leave it on pause, then when you get back just start from the save, he'll get the idea soon enough, and if not kick him out. don't feel ashamed if someone shows up to your place uninvited and you kick them out, i do it all the time. just be stern and he should figure out boundaries really quick.

Genoside07 wrote:Just Friday... I was playing GTA4 while waiting for everyone to show
up when he showed up...*univited* I paused the game to answer the
door...then my wife called and I left the room...with out asking or
wondering if it would affect my game he unpaused the game and started
playing...

Actaully I have asked if the cousin is on some type of medication...he is not...

This is deal-breaking unreasonable to me as far as being a kind human being to this fellow goes. Especially the showing up univited, but especially just jumping in on your game. Would he sit down at your table and start eating your supper too? It does indeed sound like he has some kind of social disorder which perhaps he could/should be medicated for (sorry Tom Cruise), but I'm assuming you are not a social worker or psychologist and it shouldn't be your task to deal with this stuff. You can empathize with the guy for being a friendless misfit sure, but at the end of the day, you've got to draw the line and start giving him the bum's rush whenever he shows up. I recommend Detroit-style. If you've come to Dakka seeking confirmation that what you feel you have to do (get rid of this guy) is acceptable human behaviour, then I think you have it. No one upon hearing your story would frown on you for giving this guy his marching orders... except maybe his cousin. But unless cuz is willing to take over babysitting duty, what can he say?

Again, best of luck with a crappy situation.

Hey, buddy...

Its clobbering time.

NO ONE touches the game without permission. He should have left your house without teeth, point blank.

The only cure for this sort of behavior is a large heaping boot full of kicking.

Pepper spray. I'm not joking.

If he comes onto your property and keeps calling and stuff, cant you get a restraining order, extreme yes, but maybe thats what the situation needs.

Failing that, turn up at his house with the whole group, go through his stuff etc. and see if he gets the message. Or if that fails go with Fellblades idea, and pepper spray him

What Storm Lord said.

Nothing says "I hate you" like a restraining order.

The guy is clearly mental and shouldn't be at your home, definitely not if you have a wife / family.


The next time this happens, hope that your wife is home.

Have her call 9-1-1 *immediately* and inform them that you have a trespasser.

In the mean time, inform him that he is not welcome and if he stays, he will be arrested for trespassing.

Press charges and get a restraining order.

Sock full of quarters. 'Nuff said.

I gotta admit, whn I first started reading some of the responses, it sounded so internet cliche. "I'd whup UP on tha mo-fo!"

I was wrong.

This guy is a thief. He has no idea of boundaries. This guy is certainly rude and completely lacking in social skills. He is probably suffering from some kind of mental condition. He is possibly a complete and utter freak-bomb just waiting to blow his top. This guy would never get into my house. Ever. I reccommend that you do the same.

I know you are trying to not be rude to this douche but seriously, he won't understand anything more subtle. Next time he calls, say "Don't call me anymore," and hang up. If he shows up uninvited (and why would he be invited?), tell him to leave. It is that simple. It will mean being more direct than most people are comfortable being, but in the end your wife will thank you.

Ozymandias, King of Kings

Actually Im wondering if there is an update to the situation?

I think a restraining order is a bit extreme, but not out of the question. Only perhaps after Cousin has had things explained to him in no-uncertain-terms how things are. Your buddy, who is the cousin of Cousin, needs to 's grow a pair and let him know how he is being disruptive. Some people arent aware of what they are always doing, and need to be hit up the side of the head with things. (I can be like that sometimes, though nowhere near this extreme.)

If your friend cant conjurer the cohones to deal with his Cousin, then it falls to you as host to do it, and should it come to that then yes your buddy is just as liable. This is your house, you shouldnt have to put up with this . Lay it all out, next time Cousin shows up on his own is the best time with less people around. Tell him to get his together, or he's gone. Leave no room for "Ifs, ands, or buts."

No one wants to be the bad guy, but you gotta put your foot down, especially in your own home.

No update, but our game night is coming up this Friday and we will see what happens...
You guys have given me some great insite and I do want to thank you all...
Also I havent had a chance to clear the air with my buddy...we are both working
alot of hours and not had free time to talk and dont want to blast him threw email...
Never considered the cousin a Thief...but a Social Misfit ...YES...Dont know his
boundries ...BIG YES... I could go on for pages with all the crap I had put up with him..

Genoside07: The cousin is a pain in my side...and will pilfer threw my stuff instead of gaming

Sorry, pilfer means to steal in small amounts. If you were using it with another meaning, fine. However, Webster's is pretty clear. No big deal, I think.

Anyway, Yeah I agree that "clearing the air" is only fair to your bro. Sounds like you have tried it a few times already, but it also sounds like it's time to tell him that he's getting the ban. Only fair to warn the guy. I think, if real life schedules intrude too much, it MAY be possible to break this gently with your bro over email, but ONLY if you can't get a chance to talk to him first. I dunno, your call (duh me!)

Good luck.

grizgrin wrote: Sorry, pilfer means to steal in small amounts. If you were using it with another meaning, fine. However, Webster's is pretty clear. No big deal, I think.

No, grizgrin you are right....I did not realize I was using such a strong word...Would help if I used the dictionary more...Now what do you call people that comes to your house and digs threw all your stuff ??

I compare it to be no different than going to a game store, While there playing your game with your remaining part of your army still in your case and one of the store leeches (you know the type) decides to see what nice stuff you have... I know I would have yelled at that person to stop it.(Why I dont do that in my own house..Thats what I keep asking myself)..but now what if he was the cousin of the owner of the shop and ment no harm and done it to a number of people. So what do you do??..(Side note - No my buddy does not own a store just a hypothetical question)

Dude, they are your mini's. The guy is an adult, and should learn to keep his hands to himself. If you don't want anyone looking through your mini's while they are clearly put away in your case, then you should express that. Don't yell, scream or holler, but clearly, firmly state that you don't appreciate them going through your stuff, especially while you are in the middle of a game.

It makes no difference if it's the owner of the gamestore or the president of the United States, they shouldn't be going through your stuff without your permission.

Now, if that doesn't work, (and it should work), then you may have to be more extreme, such as only bringing the figs you use to play with you, leaving no extra mini's in your case. Put the rest of your stuff away at home, or it it is at home already, put it all somewhere that can be locked up.

As everyone else has been saying, it's your house yo. If you can't be the king of your own castle, where else can ya? Put your foot down and let the guy know that he isn't welcome unless he changes his tune. Tell him to leave, and your buddy too.

if he keeps coming in do soemthing nasty to him, spit in a 'drink' you give him, keep 'banging'/hiting him by 'accident' and see if he gets the idea. Or throw him out an open window, maybe on a low floor, regardless of how much he annoys you, murder isn't good...
Although after whats been said it does seem the next logical step

I think alot of the options given are valid.

I would first, talk to your friend and let him know of your feelings towards his cousin and let him know what you are going to do.

then I would take this cousin outside and talk to him one on one and I would get very specific about what I expect of him and what is ok and not ok to do. (phone calls, video games etiquette, rifling through bags, game etiquette, etc.)

I would then tell him what will happen if he crosses the line or goes against any of your decisions. (first offense would be kicking the cousin out of your house. second offense would be kicking cousin and your friend out. third offense would be no more chances. done, never come over again, to include presectution by the law if he ever shows up again.

at this point, if this cousin doesn't get it, nothing short of a shovel to his cranium will change his ways, and you really don't want to get involved in assault on anyone at your house, it's just a stupid move that gets you in more trouble than the douchebag who is pissing you off.

in short, confront the offending cousin one on one and let him know you mean business and that he is on thin ice and if he screws up , he will be kicked out of your place. remember you don't need to "threaten" him to get your point across either.

My group has had a few people like this try to butt into our gaming group. The thing I think that deters people like that from coming back to us or forces them to change to able to stay around us is we exhume a socially hostile environment to outsiders. We all know that our comments are just fun and games in our circle but unwelcome newcomers that don't get the picture usually end up getting barked down and leave all butt-hurt. We throw around a lot of insults, we aren't really a surly bunch but we definitely point it out when we think someone has a flaw socially/mentally. Some might see it as a fault, and we're normally more than happy to bring cool new people into our circle. We even lighten up on the insults on that particular fellow, 'til he feels welcome enough to start slingin' them first. Then all is back to normal and we're +1 guy.

I think what you should do is call him out. A "Hey get out of my crap" or a "What the are you doing? Are you some kind of squawling slow?" should get the ball rolling. If he is socially defective he will probably back down when everyone starts laughing. Just remember to keep it funny. I'm not entirely sure if a thing like this will work for you though. A lot of people aren't as crude and crafty with their language, jokes, and sense of humor as our bunch. But if you think it might work give it a whirl.

Typeline wrote: My group has had a few people like this try to butt into our gaming group. The thing I think that deters people like that from coming back to us or forces them to change to able to stay around us is we exhume a socially hostile environment to outsiders. We all know that our comments are just fun and games in our circle but unwelcome newcomers that don't get the picture usually end up getting barked down and leave all butt-hurt..

The main problem with social exclusion is you set yourself up for elitist judgement. How do you know if a new person is "cool" or not without allowing them into the fold. and if throwing insults around to "haze" the new guy is the way into a gaming group, there will be many who will just avoid it, of course that might be ok with you. personally, I find a more open doors policy works best, with guidelines and rules and punishments clearly established at first visit. then when someone breaks the rules, they know what to expect before they break that rule. it's clear, there's no elitist attitude, and even the socially akward are able to spread their wings a bit and learn to be less akward.

To each his own, but I really don't see how a hostile environment to outsiders helps anyone..

I like two_heads_talking's recommended course of action.

Take the guy aside and talk to him privately but seriously. Give him the rules, and outline the three strikes.

You don't have to do it in front of other people (which can cause embarassment and increase the chance of a hostile/defensive reaction), but you definitely need to be clear that the behavior is unacceptable and needs to stop. You also don't need to threaten or insult him. Keep it mature and serious. Act like an adult and let him know you require that he do the same.

Attacking your friend or his cousin isn't necessarily the first thing you should do. By attacking, I don't simply mean physically, but also verbally, with insults or even innuendo. If you and your other friends are in agreement that the offender must change or stay away, wait till he comes over next, stop everything you are doing, sit him down and tell him how you feel.

Don't tell him what he is doing wrong, just tell him how it feels to you. For example "Sometimes when you come over without calling first, or call repeatedly, I'm in the middle of something important to me, and that makes my busy time even more difficult. Could you please leave a message in the future and then when I can talk we can arrange a time to get together?"

When you remove judgement from the situation, and simple tell someone when you enjoy being around them, or when you're having a difficult time with their actions or attitudes, it opens communication, rather than battle. If you can keep calm and focus on removing misunderstandings, the other party should recognise your sincerity, and reciprocate. If they refuse to communicate, or insist on belligerence, then you can remove privileges in your house or with your company. It's your home after all, and you're well within your rights to decide who your guests are.


The position of strength always lies with the firm but reasonable approach.

Mannahnin wrote:I like two_heads_talking's recommended course of action.

Take the guy aside and talk to him privately but seriously. Give him the rules, and outline the three strikes.

You don't have to do it in front of other people (which can cause embarassment and increase the chance of a hostile/defensive reaction), but you definitely need to be clear that the behavior is unacceptable and needs to stop. You also don't need to threaten or insult him. Keep it mature and serious. Act like an adult and let him know you require that he do the same.

But honestly, I think we all know that this won't happen either. It's easier to jostle someone socially amongst friends than confront them face to face with their problems. If you have ever been in this situation personally it's very difficult to go about it in this way.

I think I might of came off a little harsh. We aren't really elitists with it. But I do think there is a bit of 'social exclusion' going on. We separate ourselves from everyone else and we're treated with more space by fiat than everyone else in our flgs. I've never seen our numbers shrink though so I guess we're doing something right.

You could roll him up in a carpet, and throw him off a bridge!

Definitely talk to the cousin about him and maybe any other of his family members you may know. Another thing you should do is to find out by whatever means if he has some kind of criminal history, just to be sure of what you're dealing with.
If the man is just socially slowed, then I would just tell him not to come around anymore and see how things unfold.