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Well seeing how there are all sort of 'thinking mans' threads popping up, and considering I haven't made any meaningful posts since I registered here I have decided to start a thread on depression!

Anyone here have depression? How do you cope with this chemical imbalance? What kind of things get you depressed?

I'll go first: I'm depressed about many things in life, I cannot pass through a day without seeing, hearing, smelling something that will remind me of some negative things that have happened in my past. But while this happens constantly, its not always emotional crippling. But if I let a little bad thought burrow into my head it will grow larger and larger and keep spinning more negative thoughts. I know it sounds weird and I am not able to perfectly explain the certain pains that are associated with depression.

Sometimes its just a constant little voice in the forefront of my mind saying negative things, but when it escalates I actually feel a tension in my chest and forehead, and an overall feeling of being unwell. It's not like a heart attack, its just a feeling i get when I become depressed, a constant pain, not like sharp or a bruise-like pain, it just feels tense and uncomfortable. I have been told that this is a sign of anxiety.

With me its all about putting myself down, in nearly any situation I can find something I did wrong and nitpick on it until I feel horrible about it, then I hop around to related subjects (and sometimes totally-unrelated) and continue the beat-down on myself. I can only explain it as a cotton-candy machine, the situation is the stick I put in the machine and the negative thoughts are the actual threads of cotton-candy that get wrapped around and around until its so tangles it seems nearly impossible to defend myself from the negative thoughts.

Things that set my self-destructive thoughts in motion:
Interaction with girls (most of the stuff has to deal with my inability to express feelings correctly, and comparing myself to guys who are successful with women)
Overall social activities ( trying to be the person who people think I am, and being too afraid to show my true feelings/opinions/ interests)

Overall I would say that I tend to compare myself to others and point out all the things I'm bad at and that I'm not. But another problem is that peopel don't (and possibly will never) understand how depression effects someone unless they have it themselves.

Well there, I've started it, you may throw your flames and stones at me if you wish but I'm only seeking intelligent conversations.

Tilean Bastard wrote:

With me its all about putting myself down, in nearly any situation I can find something I did wrong and nitpick on it until I feel horrible about it, then I hop around to related subjects (and sometimes totally-unrelated) and continue the beat-down on myself. I can only explain it as a cotton-candy machine, the situation is the stick I put in the machine and the negative thoughts are the actual threads of cotton-candy that get wrapped around and around until its so tangles it seems nearly impossible to defend myself from the negative thoughts.

QFT

I have a mild form of manic depression (Wildy fluctuating emotions pretty much) abd while in the depressed side of it that quote is the same as what i do. (minus the cotton-candy references)

Travelling is a great cure for depression, especially any travelling that involves big feth off mountains. There's something about big feth off mountains that makes you feel utterly insignificant, which for me puts everyday troubles into perspective.

As Richard Dawkins says, this is a truly amazing planet. What more could you possibly want than the opportunity to spend your time here seeing as much as you can?

Kudos to you for having the courage to write that up. Facing down problems, or at least ackowledging them is a good thing, as its a basic step in learning how to deal with them.

The only thing I think I can offer in way of advice, is to believe in yourself a bit more and try to leave the past alone as best you can. Playing the 'What if' game and beating yourself up cannot lead to anything constructive. If you make a mistake, learn from it and move on. I know thats easier to preach than to live, but it can put you on a better track.

Alot of people deal with situational depression, which is when the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune all seem to take aim at you in a very direct manner. Thats where mine comes from, Im dealing with some neuro/muscular problems that have popped up over the last year that have impacted my life on every level. I cant do half the things I could just a year ago, and often feel like because of that Im putting a burden on those around me. Gaming has always been a sort of escapism and refuge for me- something I resorted to to stay sane. But even that has gotten more difficult- I cant stand around a gaming table all day anymore, maybe an hour at a time. And where I used to work a full time job and still crank out a table top army every month- It now takes me the better part of an entire day to paint just a couple minis to the same quality. I've had to relearn how to do things, and sort of improvise ways to deal with the problems I have.

Sometimes the depression hits and I get all mopey about how it isnt fair. But it could be worse, I may be in pain most of the time, and not able to do what I used to- but I can still enjoy what I can do. I may not paint 2 or 3 squads in a day anymore, but the 2 or 3 guys I do paint give me the same level of satisfaction.

So- dont get down on yourself about what you coulda/shoulda/woulda done- look at what you CAN do- and do it.

Not sure feeling insignificant is what Tilean needs right now Flashman.
However, I think the wonders of the planet that you refer to are a great help and you are spot on.

It reminds me that the two things that helped me a lot were the stars and birds (avian variety before you lot start!) Very Olivier Messian

Access to nature is always a help imho.

So- dont get down on yourself about what you coulda/shoulda/woulda done- look at what you CAN do- and do it.

yes to that too!

Sorry to hear of your problems MoM :(
Have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome so understand what you are going through. Luckily manged to shake off the depression but it still returns occassionally due to not being able to be as active as I would like.

Take care Tilean

I had a Psychologist tell me about that same little voice thing your talking about OP.

Simply put he explained how you don't have to agree with it.

So as i was sitting down he said: imagine the voice telling you to 'stand up, stand up, stand up.' And because I didn't want to I didn't. So then you realise that the voice is not actually you and you don't have to do or agree with everything it suggests.

So if it is nitpicking everything you can just disregard it and think about something else.

This made a significant change for me in regards to motivation.

So yes other people suffer similar stuff.

Well over the past year I've been suffering from depression, quite badly (stuff like wrist-cutting etc). It's mainly from interation with girls and stuff, as I'm very shy. The doc prescribed meds but she also said that there were some weird side effects so I decided not to.

I'm all ok now, theres the occational feeling of being down, but its manageable, but it's still due to relationships and stuff.

I would say if you want to stifle the depression, maybe try something new that would allow you to meet new people. I got more engaged in fencing and it's turned out great. It also helps to have a wider view of the world and to not get annoyed at such little details.

Valk

I'm often highly sceptical about 'depression', but I guess that's because I repress and hide a whole bunch of feelings that I probably shouldn't. Some pretty gakky stuff has happened in my life, and I don't really ever feel that I.. let it out? Not sure how to put it. It's never really social stuff, I'm pretty successful with girls in general and I'm really happy with my social group in life - it's normally things which remind me of episodes in my past that make me question whether I'm handling grief correctly.

I guess I see people who are so 'out' about depression, in some way, as rather phoney and attention seeking, because I guess I feel like I've spared everyone the hardship of being a crybaby in my life. The word 'depression' seems to me to be such an overused phrase that many people can really easily slap it on, have an excuse, and take some meds - none of which seem to constitute a proper solution to what I normally see as just being ruddy fed up, which is something in life you have to deal with harshly. Also it seems to have a modicum of a 'party trick' about it from a psychologist or doctor's point of view: they can send off a patient who's come in and said "I'm feeling pretty grumpy." off with a prescription and a bill easily, whereas I'd like to see myself as someone who could just get on with something like that. No offense, of course, just saying what normally gets on my nuts about labelling it.

sA

As with any mental/emotional imbalance, first you need to check your Holy Trinity: sleep, diet, and exercise. If you are not getting enough of any of these things, you are making yourself more vulnerable to all of life's woes. Getting enough sleep restores your energy and patience, getting the right things to eat makes you feel better, and exercfising provides you with extra energy and a solid sense of accomplishment with results that you can (and should) flaunt.

I've gone through a season of that myself, and it can pass. But it won't until you begin trying to work through it. An awful lot of depression is a question of mindset. If you see yourself as a victim, you become victimized. If you see yourself as able to handle what life throws at you, you will suddenly find yourself feeling that way.

It sounds very simple, and in theory it is. In reality it will take years of self-conditioning to adopt a new way of thinking, but you will see improvement throughout that time. Except of course for the times when you falter, and fall back into your old habits. Those will come too, and each period should last less than the one before it. Continue to build accomplishments that you can point to, and surround yourself with proof of your success. Trohies, plaques, well painted models, even that tank you bought with your winnings from the last tournament will help build your self-esteem.

I didn't talk to a professional when I was going through my period of depression, and in retrospect I think that was a mistake. If it is interfering enough with your life that you're willing to share it on a wargaming forum where none of us could possibly notice if you didn't tell us, I'd suggest that you find some help and take advantage of it. After all, if you break your leg you wouldn't just limp around the rest of your life. you'd see a professional and get help with the healing. Good luck!

An awful lot of depression is a question of mindset. If you see yourself as a victim, you become victimized. If you see yourself as able to handle what life throws at you, you will suddenly find yourself feeling that way.

There is a world of difference between feeling sorry for yourself and being depressed
Also the thing that Smiling Assissin alludes to, is unfortunate. People do bandy the term around meaning they are a little bit down.

Again it is nothing like it.

You are correct about diet, exercise and sleep Gitzbah. The problem is that depression really screws up all three.
Which of course then feeds back and makes things worse.

Depression is not about attention seeking. Other peoples' pity is the last thing you want.
It takes a lot to say that you are suffering from depression when you have it.

I've been depressed alot lately. And the moment the MOMENT school is out. I'm gonna go around to the other cities by where I live.

Maybe even Victoria or Vancouver.

@OP
Traveling does alot for a troubled mind, and I too have a fethed up past.

Shadowbrand wrote:
@OP
Traveling does alot for a troubled mind

Yep, what I said. Travel, travel, travel. You don't have to go and see the world (and you might not be able to afford to). Just get out and go somewhere you haven't been before (this might not work if you live in Luxemborg). Back in 2001, I was a bit bored and fed up one weekend. I had just moved to Epsom (outer London) and didn't really know anyone, so in the end I jumped into my clapped out Vauxhall Astra and drove non stop until I got to the Scotland. I got there at 5 in the morning and it seemed like I had the entire Highlands to myself. It was the first time I'd seen proper big feth off mountains in the UK and it was an amazing feeling driving as fast as the Astra could go (not that fast admittedly) along the winding Highland roads. I eventually got as far as Loch Ness, did a lap (no monster) and then headed home feeling a lot chipper.

Travel is a good way of staving off depression
But if you are depressed you ain't gonna wanna travel

It's hard enough getting out of bed!

Again bit of a difference twixt ennui and depression chaps

I have mixed feelings about depression, it seems that emotional and mental strength varies hugely from person to person regardless of circumstance.

My mother has been diagnosed with depression, which is hardly suprising as she is severely disabled and is in constant pain despite being on morphine. She also lives alone which doesn't help. This has been her situation for the last 10 years. Now her depression stems from something physical and therefore much easier to identify with than feelings or emotions.

On the other hand I have a friend who has been diagnosed with depression because he had a one night stand and got the girl pregnant. Despite him never wanting children and making that clear the girl kept it anyway and is a bit of a useless tart in the nothering department. This is where I find it hard to understand as in my eyes he just needs to accept what has happened, act like a bloody man and deal with his responsabilities.

This is where it comes back to emotional and mental resilience. This is the thing that makes the guy who loses both his legs to a roadside bomb more determined to live his life to the full, but the guy who witnessed the event and came through it unscathed to have a complete breakdown.

I dont think it helps that in certain circles mental illness/weakness has become almost fashionable. I have heard people border upon bragging about others they know having bi-polar or other illnesses. It also seems that it is all too convienient to cry stress or depresion when something isn't going your way in order to avoid it. There is no doubt that there are genuine sufferers out there, but sadly because mental illness is such a subjective thing it is hard to know when someone is genuine or just feeling sorry for themselves and craving pitty and attention.

I had depression about 3 years ago, due mainly to things which were out of my control. Luckily it wasn't too serious and hasn't affected me since then, apart from this rare blip I've always been positive, touch wood it stays that way.

squilverine wrote:I have mixed feelings about depression, it seems that emotional and mental strength varies hugely from person to person regardless of circumstance.

My mother has been diagnosed with depression, which is hardly suprising as she is severely disabled and is in constant pain despite being on morphine. She also lives alone which doesn't help. This has been her situation for the last 10 years. Now her depression stems from something physical and therefore much easier to identify with than feelings or emotions.

On the other hand I have a friend who has been diagnosed with depression because he had a one night stand and got the girl pregnant. Despite him never wanting children and making that clear the girl kept it anyway and is a bit of a useless tart in the nothering department. This is where I find it hard to understand as in my eyes he just needs to accept what has happened, act like a bloody man and deal with his responsabilities.

Children roughly take 20 years to raise, that's a large portion of your life gone right there. Some people would rather be out partying or spending time with their friends instead of cleaning some annoying 's diaper.

Another facet of the depression cycle is the social views on it. Example, its more accepted for women to be depresssed because we're emotional like that, but guys shouldnt be depressed because theyre supposed to be the tough strong ones. Gotta love societal stereotypes.

Another factor- is people who have never really been depressed often dont/cannot get it. They often think they know what depression is and offer 'helpful advice' from their perspective- but despite meaning well, they often come off as sounding condescending or belittling. I know- because after dealing with depression myself over the last year for the first time, I realized how ignorant I had been about it in the past.

Talking about being depressed in a format like this doesnt in anyway equate attention seeking behavior. Its a valid discussion, as many of us have similar interests its an easy step in logic to make, that the way someone else has learned to deal with depression may help someone else. As long as we realize depression isnt a + or -, its more of a scale thing- and the things that help the milder depression may only make a severe depression seem more tangible.

I'll use the example of travelling. I used to drive all over the place. Arizona is a big state(like 20% larger than the Brit mainland) and theres alot of ecological diversity to see here. I could do an easy 1200 miles over the course of a weekend. However, over the last year as the health problems intensified, my ability to safely drive, let alone sit in a car for that long have dwindled down to about a 2 hour limit a day. So, suggesting travel as a coping method, needs to be balanced with the rationale that if someone cant travel- that inability can make them more depressed.

Getting extra perspectives is a good thing though- looking at a challenge from multiple perspectives is often what can give someone one of those "Ahah!" moments when they find something that helps in unexpected ways.

I dont think it helps that in certain circles mental illness/weakness has become almost fashionable. I have heard people border upon bragging about others they know having bi-polar or other illnesses. It also seems that it is all too convienient to cry stress or depresion when something isn't going your way in order to avoid it. There is no doubt that there are genuine sufferers out there, but sadly because mental illness is such a subjective thing it is hard to know when someone is genuine or just feeling sorry for themselves and craving pitty and attention.

The main difference is the sufferer sure knows

Part of the problem is also the social attitudes to stress and depression.
When people say things like, " Just get on with it" or "Be a man and take on the chin, time to move on" or some such, it is not going to help someone who is already struggling with self esteem.
Those thoughts are constantly raging through you anyway. You see other people coping, which just adds fuel to the fire. You want to be stronger but feel totally inadequate to engage with the world.

Have to say that it is not something I wish to go through again, and do everything possible to prevent it.
I still have periods of reactive depression due to CFS, but am mostly able to keep it in check.

People should try to remember that although depression is tied into emotional and subjective issues, it is very much a physical phenomenon as well as psychological.
Depression is not simply something in the mind. It is very dibilitating and affects your whole being.
It is also not just caused by a traumatic situation. The causes and types of depression are more complex than is generally assumed.

Tilean Bastard wrote:Well seeing how there are all sort of 'thinking mans' threads popping up, and considering I haven't made any meaningful posts since I registered here I have decided to start a thread on depression!

Anyone here have depression? How do you cope with this chemical imbalance? What kind of things get you depressed?


Sometimes its just a constant little voice in the forefront of my mind saying negative things, but when it escalates I actually feel a tension in my chest and forehead, and an overall feeling of being unwell. It's not like a heart attack, its just a feeling i get when I become depressed, a constant pain, not like sharp or a bruise-like pain, it just feels tense and uncomfortable. I have been told that this is a sign of anxiety.

Things that set my self-destructive thoughts in motion:
Interaction with girls (most of the stuff has to deal with my inability to express feelings correctly, and comparing myself to guys who are successful with women)
Overall social activities ( trying to be the person who people think I am, and being too afraid to show my true feelings/opinions/ interests)

Overall I would say that I tend to compare myself to others and point out all the things I'm bad at and that I'm not. But another problem is that peopel don't (and possibly will never) understand how depression effects someone unless they have it themselves.

Well there, I've started it, you may throw your flames and stones at me if you wish but I'm only seeking intelligent conversations.

Don't just assume you have depression. If your feelings are causing you enough trouble to interfere with your life, definitely see someone, but try to get a doctor who won't just see you for a short time and bang out an SSRI prescription. I'm not against medication, definitely I'm not saying that. What I mean is that depression can be a symptom that is being caused by something else. Also, it has been shown scientifically by professionals in the field that a lot of this stuff is co-morbid. For instance, although depression can be a disease itself, it is very likely to be present with an anxiety disorder. Similarly depression and substance abuse is associated with ADHD, and anxiety with Aspergers/autism, so on. There is scientific data that can be accessed through gov. and NGO organizations like WHO, CDC, NAMI, for information on the science of mental health.

Valkyrie wrote:Well over the past year I've been suffering from depression, quite badly (stuff like wrist-cutting etc). It's mainly from interation with girls and stuff, as I'm very shy. The doc prescribed meds but she also said that there were some weird side effects so I decided not to.

I'm all ok now, theres the occational feeling of being down, but its manageable, but it's still due to relationships and stuff.

I would say if you want to stifle the depression, maybe try something new that would allow you to meet new people. I got more engaged in fencing and it's turned out great. It also helps to have a wider view of the world and to not get annoyed at such little details.

Valk

You're doing a great service to discuss what you're doing. What your talking about is very rarely discussed but needs to be. First off, just because you're better doesn't mean you shouldn't pay attention to your feelings. These things come in cycles. The doctor may be able to change medications to find one that has less side effects. For instance, and here is where it is important to talk about personal feelings in public, I had trouble with one of my medications. One time I was put on Paxil, but that caused serious sexual side effects. I tried Effexor, which is an SNRI, which worked well but still had some sexual side effects, namely delayed climax. Also, while it was very effective, I would be reluctant recommend ( as a layman with personal experience, not a doctor, though I am an analytical chemist with some knowledge of pharmacology) Effexor because while not addictive, it caused SEVERE withdrawl. I literally could not sleep for three days, even with tapering the medication off. I had sensations that I can only describe as like being shocked with static electricity, but inside your head. I took Lexapro which was almost perfect, but switched to Celexa because it was only a 5$ copay ( Celexa is chemically the same as Lexapro, but is a racemic mixture instead of a single isomer. Sometimes that makes all the difference, but I haven't noticed anything, and I'm saving 20 bucks a month).

I'm not sure what you mean by wrist cutting, though it is very brave of you to talk about this in any case. If it is a suicide attempt, you need to get help immediately. I have certain philosophical views on suicide, but as far as depression goes its a permanent solution to a temporary problem. If what you're doing is self mutilation, thats a different story. Very little has been written about it, although it seems to be more common than people believe. Its much more common in women than men, but it has been discussed that it may be that in men it is disguised as acts of aggression or vandalism ( punching glass with your hand ). I have mixed feelings about whether it is a disease or not. Human beings have done this for all of history. Many groups of humans use some form of scarring or mutilation as a rite of passage. Its probably more important why you're doing it and if you can replace it with something less destructive. The only book I know about on this subject is titled Cutting, but I don't remember the authors name.

smiling Assassin wrote:I'm often highly sceptical about 'depression', but I guess that's because I repress and hide a whole bunch of feelings that I probably shouldn't. Some pretty gakky stuff has happened in my life, and I don't really ever feel that I.. let it out? Not sure how to put it. It's never really social stuff, I'm pretty successful with girls in general and I'm really happy with my social group in life - it's normally things which remind me of episodes in my past that make me question whether I'm handling grief correctly.

I guess I see people who are so 'out' about depression, in some way, as rather phoney and attention seeking, because I guess I feel like I've spared everyone the hardship of being a crybaby in my life. The word 'depression' seems to me to be such an overused phrase that many people can really easily slap it on, have an excuse, and take some meds - none of which seem to constitute a proper solution to what I normally see as just being ruddy fed up, which is something in life you have to deal with harshly. Also it seems to have a modicum of a 'party trick' about it from a psychologist or doctor's point of view: they can send off a patient who's come in and said "I'm feeling pretty grumpy." off with a prescription and a bill easily, whereas I'd like to see myself as someone who could just get on with something like that. No offense, of course, just saying what normally gets on my nuts about labelling it.

sA

I'm sorry, but this is inconsistent with the findings of modern medical science. Some people just have depression, and sometimes it isn't even triggered by anything. Its also not productive to say how much better we are than people in, say, Haiti. Depression is going to occur in some people no matter how good your life looks from the outside. In fact, 1st world countries have much more mental disease than developing nations ( Check WHO for data), probably because they're too busy staying alive than to be bothered by existential problems, and those who are depressed might be "swept under the rug" and die from conditions that are already bad.

There is something about modernity that causes anxiety and depression. I guess you have to chose between that or drinking water with feces in it.

When I'm depressed the worrying about life and sadness about things that happen comes *after* the depression, it isn't the cause. Normally I can put up with a lot of crap. The only triggers I've identified are things that seem inconsequential and have no logic behind them. For instance, one of the things that would get me every so often was looking at the labels on canned food at the grocery store. I have no clue why that would occur, but it did.

Gitzbitah wrote:As with any mental/emotional imbalance, first you need to check your Holy Trinity: sleep, diet, and exercise. If you are not getting enough of any of these things, you are making yourself more vulnerable to all of life's woes. Getting enough sleep restores your energy and patience, getting the right things to eat makes you feel better, and exercfising provides you with extra energy and a solid sense of accomplishment with results that you can (and should) flaunt.

I've gone through a season of that myself, and it can pass. But it won't until you begin trying to work through it. An awful lot of depression is a question of mindset. If you see yourself as a victim, you become victimized. If you see yourself as able to handle what life throws at you, you will suddenly find yourself feeling that way.

100% spot on. Seeking help for depression doesn't mean you're weak or looking for an excuse. If you do nothing but swallow meds and feel sorry for yourself, you'll go no where. The thing about depression is that it isn't something a doctor "fixes", it is a team effort. I'm definitely not against medication, in fact, I'm in the camp that is more toward when in doubt, try medicine, but I think it isn't the only thing you can do. Exercise is by far what has been most helpful to me. You'll feel better, sleep better, and your body image will improve, even if you don't lose a huge amount of weight. Sleep is critically important, and some people who complain of depression often have sleep disorders. ( A good shrink should ask you how you're sleeping). Learn to make your own self esteem. Find something and get good at it. If its miniatures, don't have one painted guy and a table full of plastic. Try to make time to work on painting, study it, and get better. Sometimes you have to force yourself to do thigns that are unpleasant. If you're shy, force yourself to be in social situations. If you want to veg out on the couch, get up and run.

There is a concept called locus of control. People with internal locus of control view their life as being determined by themselves, while those with an external locus of control view outside forces as determining the course of their life. In my life, i've tried to actually stop my thoughts and rearrange them into a position of control. Basically, the thought is "something bad has happened and it sucks, this has ruined my chances of X, why did this happen to me" is reprocessed into " This really sucks, what sort of game plan can I create to minimize or overcome this". It involves a fundamental change in thinking, and you may still have clinical depression, but it will make you feel better and might make you more successful. It is my personal, completely anecdotal, observation that people in professions requiring immediate decision making in adverse situations tend to have an internal locus. People like aviators, EMTs, ER docs, etc are who I'm talking about. As pilots say, continue flying the airplane until every piece of it stops moving.

I dont think it helps that in certain circles mental illness/weakness has become almost fashionable. I have heard people border upon bragging about others they know having bi-polar or other illnesses. It also seems that it is all too convienient to cry stress or depresion when something isn't going your way in order to avoid it. There is no doubt that there are genuine sufferers out there, but sadly because mental illness is such a subjective thing it is hard to know when someone is genuine or just feeling sorry for themselves and craving pitty and attention.

I don't agree. I think there is a lot of stigma attached to it. People assume schizophrenics are going to be violent, when it usually isn't the case. Sufferers are blamed for having a lack of willpower. A hospital where you go for a broken leg is a hospital. A psychiatric facility, on the other hand, has all manner of colorful names, like loony bin, laughing academy, nut house, and funny farm.

Grignard gets +10 respect for that post...great information in there.

ditto

The only thing I would say, however, is that the meds can be a very helpful first step.
It can be important to stabilise things enough to enable the activities like socialising and getting exercise.

depression sucks

Valkyrie wrote:Well over the past year I've been suffering from depression, quite badly (stuff like wrist-cutting etc). It's mainly from interation with girls and stuff, as I'm very shy. The doc prescribed meds but she also said that there were some weird side effects so I decided not to.

I'm all ok now, theres the occational feeling of being down, but its manageable, but it's still due to relationships and stuff.

I would say if you want to stifle the depression, maybe try something new that would allow you to meet new people. I got more engaged in fencing and it's turned out great. It also helps to have a wider view of the world and to not get annoyed at such little details.

Valk, seems like we've got a lot in common. Fencing (and going off to university) really helped me out a few years ago. The more people I saw on a regular basis, the easier it got to deal with the depression.

Grignard wrote:I have certain philosophical views on suicide, but as far as depression goes its a permanent solution to a temporary problem. If what you're doing is self mutilation, thats a different story. Very little has been written about it, although it seems to be more common than people believe. Its much more common in women than men, but it has been discussed that it may be that in men it is disguised as acts of aggression or vandalism ( punching glass with your hand ). I have mixed feelings about whether it is a disease or not.

I don't think you could call it a disease in its own right. Certainly a symptom. I can't speak for anyone but myself, of course, but self-mutilation was almost like a release valve for all the self-hatred and depression and cetera. I did go through one suicide attempt, and it scared me into getting help with my problems.

Props to everyone whose posting here, it's cool to see people willing to talk about these issues. One of the worst things about depression is the isolation it can cause, and just being able to openly discuss it is a huge step towards rectifying that.

interesting topic. let it be known i'm always depressed seeing as i can't die. it sucks, i mean you'd think six 44 magnum round would have done it but nope, i was just out cold for five days woke up in the psych ward. bloody drive bys

Props to everyone whose posting here, it's cool to see people willing to talk about these issues. One of the worst things about depression is the isolation it can cause, and just being able to openly discuss it is a huge step towards rectifying that.

spot on
I tried for a long time to keep others from knowing about it.
Don't think that was the best idea in retrospect. I just didn't feel that I could discuss things. I try to be more open now.

Yeah, it's great how people are able to talk about it on here.

squilverine wrote:I have mixed feelings about depression, it seems that emotional and mental strength varies hugely from person to person regardless of circumstance.

Well I couldn't agree more ! Emotional strength can really play a huge role in depression and who gets it and who doesn't.

I know a lot about depression and the negative effects it can have on a single person and the family, I'm going to share with you all my experience, I'm not looking for pity at all it was a long time ago and my experience may help others.

About 2-3 years ago my dad decided to walk out on the family completely out of the blue so it was completely unexpected, but my mum was at the time waiting for her results from the hospital to tell her if she had cancer or not, so the stress of the possibility of cancer and her husband leaving her was a huge burden to bare. Now back then I was 15-16 at best living at home with my mum (the sisters were at university and could barely get some time at home) So it was down to me to really knuckle down and be the strongest person there for the sake of my mum, to stop her going mad really, a shoulder to cry on, some one to talk to. Now as you can imagine it can be very hard for someone of that age to cope through all that, after she came out of hospital with the all clear her boss' at work were not helping much at all, cruddy pay, shocking treatment and so on. Eventually she was sacked and this happened on several jobs and the financial strain was starting to kick in along with depression and her arthritis in her knee was making work more difficult.

Now all this happened with in a year or more and was putting a lot of strain on the family arguments would happen a lot, so I had to remain neutral as well. But with all this going on I managed to cope, it rarely got me down if it did I would talk to my friends about it, loose my self in a game for an hour or two and I would be fine after.And I think I managed to cope through all that and past that because I am an emotionally strong person. I mean my teachers didn't have a clue what was going on at home I just pushed on.

So I have seen what depression can do to a person and I think it's very important to find that emotional rock to lean against whenever you need it, you have to know if they really are your friends or family they'll sit with you and listen make you feel better because they want to. You need to watch things that will make you laugh, something to loose yourself in to help take your mind off the bigger picture even if it's just for a few hours because it really helped me get through and be that emotional rock for my mum.


For a very serious matter, I hope my experience has helped you in some way.

Wolf

I think everyone goes through depression of some type or another at some point in their lives. If a person doesn't, they are either extremely lucky or past feeling of any type.
When I was getting ready to go to the hospital where my father was dying, I was extremely depressed. Watching a group of kittens playing in a friends back yard turned out to be the way I coped with the situation. I don't know what it was about them, but I was able to absorb myself in what they were doing and gained the composure I needed to deal my my father dying.
At the hospital, watching him die and holding his hand as he did so, I remember thinking that he was lucky to be dying surrounded by a loving family. Somehow this was a great comfort to me.

Small things are definitely something that can trigger depression through association. I remember being in a furniture store months after my father died and saw a table set for 8.
I misted a bit at that point, thinking that my father would never be sitting at a table with our family again.
I had that feeling stay with me for almost the full day after that.
Since that time, other family members have died, but none carried the emotional impact of that first loss. It's kind of like the old song about the first cut being the deepest.
The thing that I've found from going through the emotional ringer a few times is that from hanging on you get a lot stronger.
Approaching problems one at a time goes a long way to dealing with them and can give you a feeling of accomplishment when you knock that demon down.
Some things I've done in the past is put the things that bugged me on the back burner and improve myself in some way.
Helping other people can never be underestimated as a means to helping yourself. During one of the worst times and deepest depressions of my life, I got outside myself through helping other people. The depression left me eventually, but I found that in the process, I had become someone that I really liked. Through service to others, I had developed some of the good traits I had always admired in other people that have stayed with me.
I have seen this with other people that have most successfully fought depression also. One of my closest friends had gone through 2 marriages, survived a rape that happened with her 3 year old daughter in the same room, and dealt with her mother's health problems.
She totally immersed herself into helping other people and is now someone that lights up a room just by being there. People that don't even know her find themselves drawn to her. It's really hard to explain, but just by being around her, people feel better. The woman has a really strong aura of positive feeling to her.

Part of why I think we have such a problem with depression and other mental issues, and ironically why it might be overdiagnosed, is the reluctance people have to talk about feelings. In and of itself, fear or sadness is not a disease. It is not a disease to be sad because a family member dies, or a relationship ends, or whatever. It is normal to have fear about exams, job interviews, etc. I think the problem is when you can't go on because of it, or if it just happens for no good reason that you can identify. I think that the expectation, at least for many years, is that with all the good life and good stuff we have, we're just supposed to be happy and comfortable all the time. We've found however, that people need more in life than just good physical health and more stuff. The coolest new entertainment technology won't make up for what people seemed to know they always needed. I think people need goals, and people need communication.

Men have real trouble with this. Somehow it has been established that "real", strong men don't talk about what they're feeling, and that being sad or fearful makes you weak. I really don't think this has been so throughout history. Its been a while since I've read Beowulf, but I believe it is the king of the Geats that weeps openly when Beowulf departs. This was not only a man, but a king of men, the strongest of a group of warriors. Can you imagine a grown man, a leader of a company or some such, crying openly in front of everyone over the departure of a friend, even a close friend, in these modern times? I think this is why military men tend to form such strong bonds with other soldiers. The stresses of war and training probably make this form of sharing and communication a survival skill.

I tend to agree Grignard

However Fear and Sadness are not the same as depression.

With due respect to Relapse, understandably he was referring to grief, which can trigger depression, but of itself is not the same.

That is not meant to infer there is a heirarchy of emotions but they are very distinct. Possibly part of the problem can be bottling such emotions up. If there are two or three "catastrophic" personal crises then it can be so overwhelming as to plunge one into depression.