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Let's see...

I was at work once, I'd only been there an hour or 2 but I was sick of it so on my break I phoned my mate and told him to phone me back in about half an hour.

Half an hour later I'm next to my boss and my phone goes off, I answer and then start pretending to be really distressed, saying stuff like 'oh god how did that happen' 'did the ambulance get there in time' etc.
My boss is obviously a bit freaked out by all this so when I put the phone down I tell him my little brother fell down the stairs and has been taken to hospital but no one can get hold of my mum so I really need to get to the hospital, the boss says I should go virtually shooing me out the door.

I spent the day in a beer garden with my mates (buying a pint for the mate who helped me escape work naturally), next day I'm at work with a hangover that could slay a moose and my boss starts asking if my brother is ok- I almost asked him what the hell he was talking about before remembering my lie...of course a few days later my brother did get into an accident and I couldn't bloody use that as an excuse to get more time off work because the boss would have been somewhat suspicious as to how my bro injured himself in a hospital bed

chowderhead13 wrote:I love to convince people that I'm from Sydney, Australia. It's hilarious when they ask me all these questions, and I just make up stuff.

I actually am, but I still make things up. Kangaroo mounted tours anyone?

Arctik_Firangi wrote:

chowderhead13 wrote:I love to convince people that I'm from Sydney, Australia. It's hilarious when they ask me all these questions, and I just make up stuff.

I actually am, but I still make things up. Kangaroo mounted tours anyone?

We Aussies love a good lie about our country. Most of what you hear is exaggerated or made-up to be honest.

Except Drop Bears. Those things are serious business.

I had a group of car tuners searching everthing they could think of for a "Subliminal Bass Enhancer" for their car audio systems. I convinced them I had one installed in my car so I could "feel" the bass instead of just hearing it.

Yeah, you don't mess with drop bears, those things will mess you up...that kid that's missing at the moment in Sydney...drop bears...

There you go, that's the biggest lie I've told!

Cheese Elemental wrote:

Arctik_Firangi wrote:

chowderhead13 wrote:I love to convince people that I'm from Sydney, Australia. It's hilarious when they ask me all these questions, and I just make up stuff.

I actually am, but I still make things up. Kangaroo mounted tours anyone?

We Aussies love a good lie about our country. Most of what you hear is exaggerated or made-up to be honest.

Except Drop Bears. Those things are serious business.

I am actually part Australian. My sado-masochistic grandmother is the one who likes to swear in polite company and beat me up. I would love to live on an island where everyone does that!

When I was in Edinburgh I enjoyed warning the people coming to visit me about the small but ferocious haggis roaming Arthur's Seat and the surrounding hills. Ridiculous lie. They are totally harmless and cute as anything.

I once told a chick I was only going to put it in for a second........

I told another I was just going to put the head in.....

You can guess the rest.

Haddi wrote:

Vladsimpaler wrote:

KingCracker wrote:
Best call in to work though, I just REALLY wasnt feeling like going in, so I called and said "yea uh.... I just fell down the stairs so I cant make it into work and then hung up

I heard that one of the best ways to get out of work is to call in and say that you have diarrhea.

"So, uh, I need to take a sick day."

"John, are you painting your mini's again? Your little dolls?"

"No, I'm not...I'm..."

"I'm not letting you take a sick day unless your actually sick."

"I have diarrhea."

"You have what."

"Diarrhea. Explosive."

"You're joking."

"Would I joke about my ass feeling like it's being licked by the flames of hell, as a torrent of the worst gak imaginable slipped forth from my bowels like a flood of pure, unquenchable hatred?"

"I get it do you really need to-"

"Do I need to joke as the once crisp, clean waters of my toilet bowl turn to a hellish mud, stained by what feels like half-formed child erupting from my ass?"

"I'm hanging up now."



----------------

Stay classy, Dakka.

The only problem with what you sais, is it wont fit in a sig. That was hilarious. But seriously that excuse will get you out of a ticket. I used that one once on a cop that pulled me over going a bit too fast. I started squirming and figiting in my seat. I was laying it on and holding my breath it was great. The officer asked what the hell was wrong with me, and I told him I was on my way home and I must of had bad food or something because I had BAD Diarrhea all morning and was trying to get home ASAP so I could blow the toilet up. It worked like a charm. The guy went from hardass cop to OH GOD THAT SUCKS in a snap. You just REALLY gotta play it to get out of the ticket.

"I love you."


BTW, Drop Bears is serious business. Every year an average of 9 Park Rangers in Queensland alone are killed protecting wayward tourists and backpackers from their savage attacks. Don't disrespect their memory.

drop bears got nothin on the jackalope

Oh hey, I wasn't trying to get any tourists in trouble about Drop Bears...

Last year in the Cliffinghuff Mountains, out the back of Jarreldaree, my best mate had one tear a hole in the spare Tyre on the back of his 4wd. He actually kept the Tyre as a souvenir until a park ranger told him that they mark their kills with a special scent that they can track for hundreds of kilometers. He burned it in a steel drum and then buried what was left in his uncles backyard!

Cheese Elemental wrote:

Arctik_Firangi wrote:

chowderhead13 wrote:I love to convince people that I'm from Sydney, Australia. It's hilarious when they ask me all these questions, and I just make up stuff.

I actually am, but I still make things up. Kangaroo mounted tours anyone?

We Aussies love a good lie about our country. Most of what you hear is exaggerated or made-up to be honest.

Except Drop Bears. Those things are serious business.

I always wondered though is it true that you have "topless" beaches in Australia?

I never lie

Ahh yes I remember I tricked osmone into thinking I was homeless, and lived on the streets, yet had a full time education new clothes and equipment, and money !

She fell for that so badly

Wolf wrote:Ahh yes I remember I tricked osmone into thinking I was homeless, and lived on the streets, yet had a full time education new clothes and equipment, and money !

She fell for that so badly

Wow. Simply Wow. Reminds me of this lady a buddy of mine dated. She once asked how ALL THAT GAS fits into such a small gas pump. And was serious. I wonder if they are related

i convinced my french teacher that his left eyebrow was missing, it was very easy considering he's not that good at English. I still remember him walking down the halls with a hand over his face like some just slapped him