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chromedog wrote:Although I do have a small stash of possibly very unstable, very erratic fireworks in my shed at the moment. Long past their best-before dates

Illegal stashes are the best aint they? I've got something called a "Turban bomb" hidden away somewhere. It was mushroomed shaped and was painted up to look like your average Taliban fighter. I was saving it for special occation but i misplaced it ages ago.

Toast36 wrote:And once again Dawinism is shown to work. I love the interesting way in which some people remove themselves from the gene-pool.

This made me laugh! It is too true.

Who doesn't use a lockblade for a screwdriver?

I never have a screwdriver handy, but a good knife always seems to be handy.

The simple answer? No.

Easy E wrote:Who doesn't use a lockblade for a screwdriver?

I never have a screwdriver handy, but a good knife always seems to be handy.

Clearly there is only one multi-tool for the holiday season.



Even has the advantage of acting as a hammer, and it's for kids.

The thing with cracker statistic is put the arm under the wrong strain and can easily break. A common drunken injury is a spiral fracture caused by the arm being under high amounts of pressure and twisting- normally from arm wrestling.

It is also possible if smash arm into something while pulling could result in fracture.

They idea of people hurting themselves with "safe" fireworks is hilarious.

Silly Brits

Oh, I can remember good times after stopping by Pedro's South of the Border and loading up on all manner of explosives and having our own little Fireworks Spectacular over the next few days.

Looking back, I don't think shooting bottle rockets at each other was such a good idea though.

Monster Rain wrote:Oh, I can remember good times after stopping by Pedro's South of the Border and loading up on all manner of explosives and having our own little Fireworks Spectacular over the next few days.

Looking back, I don't think shooting bottle rockets at each other was such a good idea though.

I have a fun firework based tale..

I bought these hoofing 5 foot rockets from a store down the road, they were proper expensive, like £25 for 3 or something, so I fired two at some good friends, one guy I hit in the back and then rather unsatisfactorily blew up near his foot and casued him no serious injuries other than a ringing ear that apparently still bothers him to this day.. so I took one home to play with.

I sliced it with a Stanley knife and removed a plastic tube about the size of a tampon filled with hard packed white powder, so I scraped it out with a screwdriver and then lit the pile, it combusted instantly and went "WOOOOSSHHH" taking all the pubes off my arm up to the elbow and caused a huge smoke cloud. I then lit the tampon and threw that and it zinged off into a neighbours yard. The other thing was about twice the size of a normal firecracker but the same color as a toilet roll tube, so I pulled a fuse off a banger and wedged that inside it. Anyway, my brother turned up when he saw me pissing about in the back yard and said "Put it inside something to see if it blows it up" So I went into the house and rummaged about it my dads room where I found an old fashioned box of dominos in a big thick oak box. I ditched the Dominos on the bed and said "Lets blow this up then" my brother demanded that he light it, so I thought "Good idea, let the fething oaf light it instead"

Anyway, he put it in the box, dropped it, and then started to run, but I shouted "Close the lid!" and he stopped, turned back, and then as he bent right over it and placed his hands on either side, it blew up in a loud and gratifying explosion. He stood stock still for a few seconds, and then leapt around in the garden while I laughed, he came over and went "MY HAAANDS!!", and it was then I noticed he had a two inch slash across the bridge of his nose which I presumed was caused by wooden shrapnel, and 4 or 5 of his fingers were pointed at bizarre yet amusing angles, especially his right one, which looked a bit like a tarantula that just got squashed by a steam roller.

Oh and blood blisters had formed all over his palms. I told him to go rinse his hand so we could take stock of the injuries, and then he said "I feel sick" and fainted on the kitchen floor, and I pissed myself laughing.

I didn't go with him to the hospital either, because he is a dolt and as such is undeserving of my pity. And grown men don't faint for feths sake, its unbecoming in a man!

The moral of the story is, play with fireworks because its always funny and rewarding, but always get a halfwit to do the lighting for you.

mattyrm wrote:

Monster Rain wrote:Oh, I can remember good times after stopping by Pedro's South of the Border and loading up on all manner of explosives and having our own little Fireworks Spectacular over the next few days.

Looking back, I don't think shooting bottle rockets at each other was such a good idea though.

I have a fun firework based tale..

I bought these hoofing 5 foot rockets from a store down the road, they were proper expensive, like £25 for 3 or something, so I fired two at some good friends, one guy I hit in the back and then rather unsatisfactorily blew up near his foot and casued him no serious injuries other than a ringing ear that apparently still bothers him to this day.. so I took one home to play with.

I sliced it with a Stanley knife and removed a plastic tube about the size of a tampon filled with hard packed white powder, so I scraped it out with a screwdriver and then lit the pile, it combusted instantly and went "WOOOOSSHHH" taking all the pubes off my arm up to the elbow and caused a huge smoke cloud. I then lit the tampon and threw that and it zinged off into a neighbours yard. The other thing was about twice the size of a normal firecracker but the same color as a toilet roll tube, so I pulled a fuse off a banger and wedged that inside it. Anyway, my brother turned up when he saw me pissing about in the back yard and said "Put it inside something to see if it blows it up" So I went into the house and rummaged about it my dads room where I found an old fashioned box of dominos in a big thick oak box. I ditched the Dominos on the bed and said "Lets blow this up then" my brother demanded that he light it, so I thought "Good idea, let the fething oaf light it instead"

Anyway, he put it in the box, dropped it, and then started to run, but I shouted "Close the lid!" and he stopped, turned back, and then as he bent right over it and placed his hands on either side, it blew up in a loud and gratifying explosion. He stood stock still for a few seconds, and then leapt around in the garden while I laughed, he came over and went "MY HAAANDS!!", and it was then I noticed he had a two inch slash across the bridge of his nose which I presumed was caused by wooden shrapnel, and 4 or 5 of his fingers were pointed at bizarre yet amusing angles, especially his right one, which looked a bit like a tarantula that just got squashed by a steam roller.

Oh and blood blisters had formed all over his palms. I told him to go rinse his hand so we could take stock of the injuries, and then he said "I feel sick" and fainted on the kitchen floor, and I pissed myself laughing.

I didn't go with him to the hospital either, because he is a dolt and as such is undeserving of my pity. And grown men don't faint for feths sake, its unbecoming in a man!

The moral of the story is, play with fireworks because its always funny and rewarding, but always get a halfwit to do the lighting for you.

I feel this advert adequately describes your story

KingCracker wrote:Why............would one try and open a beer with their teeth? That must have come from the American south, only place that seems to make sense to me

It makes no sense from down here either. Granted I'm not in the traditional south, but still... I can't fathom why someone would try such a thing.

mattyrm wrote: The moral of the story is, play with fireworks because its always funny and rewarding, but always get a halfwit to do the lighting for you.

I love the whole story, but this is the cherry on top right here.