Big wimp afraid to play with models

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**Steve steveson**

monders wrote:

I'm always taken aback by how easy I seem to find married life! A lot of gamers seem be in this sort of position from what I've read around forums.

I am amazed by this too. I do wonder how much of this is hyperbole and Internet BS, otherwise there is allot of abusive marages in gaming, or allot of very insecure people.

**chromedog**

MagicMan wrote:
Honestly I don't know why you'd want your partner to get involved with wargaming.

You do a load of **** together already, grab some alone time, and be glad she isn't getting stuck in.

As long as she isnt throwing derision your way its all good. My girlfriend occasionally says ''Wow thats painted pretty good.'' or asks me if me and my buddies mash the models together while talking for them like Action Men... And thats about as much input as i want or need, lol.

Likewise. My wife isn't a gamer. She does not have any desire to play them but she knows it's MY hobby and it keeps me out of trouble.

She doesn't deny me gaming purchases (I have been way more restrictive on what I buy than she ever has been)
My "can I go and play" routine is a game. She knows I don't HAVE to ask - she trusts me - but likes that I do, as it shows no taking for granted going on. She lets me out because I do all the other stuff she doesn't have to, so it's a reward. We both get our couple time and equally importantly, our "alone" time.

**Skinnereal**

There's getting out of the house and gaming with the pimply 16-year olds, or there's getting them to game at your house.
Give that as the options, and you're more likely to get let out.

I get let out on Saturday afternoons. It's a club, not a shop, and the club's forum lists who's there or not. Herself gets to plan for a quiet afternoon, or go out, knowing when I'll be back.

They say "those who play together stay together", but there are limits. we get time on LotR Online on Sundays, so there's that. That led to getting the GW Hobbit box set, which is on a shelf waiting for the Dwarfs to get painted.

**nkelsch**

Usually what gamers try to do is find an aspect of 'the hobby' which appeals to the wife and then try to include them. She may not like warmachine, but maybe there are some gateway drug miniature games she would enjoy. Then you get her exposed to the appeal and maybe have game night at your house. Maybe once she understands and appreciates it more, the whole 'going to hang out with 16 year old pimple asses won't be such a big deal'

If she is simply totally uninterested, she can at least respect it. I have yet to find a person who was not totally impressed by the skill and effort it takes to paint and sculpt miniatures and respects it at least on that front.

If she can't even respect that aspect, that sucks dude. Go buy a sweater vest and a pink polo and take her out to brunch because your life is over.

**Mathieu Raymond**

Mathieu Raymond wrote:
I hate random pick-up games. I'm a high school teacher, technically, and kids don't intimidate me per se, but meeting strangers at a store that are overly eager makes me nervous. They're just being friendly, and *really* want to tell me about their army, and why they play, and that cool round they had once, but it's just... too much for me.

Just because someone wisely pointed out that I could sound "too cool for school" with that statement: This was in no way a judgment on them, but rather on me. I get the same feeling with artists in our store. Very passionate people intimidate me, even though I myself have been described as "doing things passionately." I think it's a euphemism for geek. Anyway.

**Polonius**

There are two issues with the OP.

The first is the problem with warmachine, which is that you are going to lose. A lot. In humiliating fashion. It will happen. It will happen in casual games, it will happen in tournament games. It will happen in your first few battlebox games, and it still happens to top players at Masters events.

That's just part of the game, because of the caster kill mechanic.

If you want to play, you either learn to accept that, or you surround yourself with people that want to play more gentle games. Keep in mind that those losses tend to be quick, meaning you can play more games than in games were even massacres take forever to unfold (like 40k).

The other issue is with your wife, and that's between you and her. I'm not a big fan of mixing my fiance and my gaming, and she's good with my maintaining a hobby presence. If your wife fundamentlaly wants to do everything together, and won't game, I might give up the dream.

**Litcheur**

Gehennar wrote:
Not sure if I need a shrink or just a good smack in the jaw, but I have this problem that’s bothering me: I wish I could bring myself to play Warmachine for real (ex. going to my FLGS to play), but I can’t.

The issues are on two levels: skill and commitment.

Why not build a second force to have a matching pair, or expand your force to be able to split it in two?

Warmachine is not that expensive, you can easily build two forces.

Then you can play at home with any open-minded friend of yours.

We

I understand the Op. I have social anxiety disorder so going into new situations is tough for me. Anyone who knows me though would find it hard to believe as I cover it up extremely well. it's not like I can't talk to people but going into a store with a bunch of people I don't know and basically saying "Will you play with me?" fills me with anxiety and I can rarely do it.

Once I get to know the store and people though I am fine. I dunno weird I guess

**kronk**

I'm going to avoid marriage advice.

As for gaming trepidation, just put your thing out there and play, man. The other gamers had to start somewhere, too. If you run into a dickhole, move on and play someone different.

Best of luck!

**melkorthetonedeaf**

Polonius wrote:
...the problem with warmachine, which is that you are going to lose. A lot. In humiliating fashion. It will happen. It will happen in casual games, it will happen in tournament games. It will happen in your first few battlebox games, and it still happens to top players at Masters events.

That's just part of the game, because of the caster kill mechanic.

Pretty much. I've gone for the quick assassination every time I start to lose a scenario game. Learn to love losing.

Also! Anxiety sucks. New people suck. This is why my friends are all online.

**RiTides**

I can totally related to being intimidated by a new game / rules / gaming community! Just give it a try, I felt the same way starting warmachine (and in some ways now Infinity), but I consider these gamers some of my close friends now. It's a lot less scary once you've done it a few times, just give it a try

**Chute82**

Nothing adventured, nothing gained. It's good to get out of the house once in awhile.

**medikant**

Unless I missed it somewhere in the thread no one mentioned a Journeyman League.

I'll ignore the marriage advice since I don't know you or your wife and your relationship, but you should look for a local Journeyman League you can take part in.

It's perfect for a newer player or just for building a new/practicing an old army. On the first week you are just using the battlebox, second week you're at 15 points, third week you're at 25 points, and you end up at 35 points on week six which is the last week.

**MagicMan**

If you have a mate whos vaguely interested maybe bring them with you.

So much easier going into those sorts of situations with a friend. They don't even have to come again if its not for them, once they've helped you break the ice so to speak.

**malfred**

I can understand this.

You're essentially trying to join a clique that may already have
existed before the people played the game in question (friends
all starting Warhammer or Warmachine at the same time,
for example). It's gonna be awkward mixing in with that.

I'll be totally cheesy and say, if you want to make a friend, be a
friend. Be a friendly player and admit to things you don't
understand and it'll turn out fine.

**Polonius**

malfred wrote:

I'll be totally cheesy and say, if you want to make a friend, be a
friend. Be a friendly player and admit to things you don't
understand and it'll turn out fine.

And if that doesn't work, tell the neckbeard that beat you that you're going home to have sex with your wife, while he's eating cheetos in his mom's basement.

**Nevelon**

Polonius wrote:
malfred wrote:

I'll be totally cheesy and say, if you want to make a friend, be a
friend. Be a friendly player and admit to things you don't
understand and it'll turn out fine.

And if that doesn't work, tell the neckbeard that beat you that you're going home to have sex with your wife, while he's eating cheetos in his mom's basement.

Harsh, but funny!

I’m not the most outgoing person, but at some point you just need to bite the bullet. Sure, you might get your teeth kicked in across the table, but you will get better. Most people I find are helpful in getting new players involved in the hobby, and are good winners. So be a good looser, shake their hand, and learn.

As for the wife thing, I’m lucky. While The Wife doesn’t game herself, she understands that it’s important to me and lets me have my hobby time. I only make it to the FLGS once or twice a month, but do get together with friends for RPGs twice a week. 1/4 of the time it’s at my house, so she gets to socialize a bit as well.

**Portugal Jones**

"I'll be eating cheetos in _your_ mom's basement! Nyaah!"

**pleasantnoodles**

There's something trolly/not right happening here:
http://www.mtgsalvation.com/forums/magic-fundamentals/magic-general/564629-big-wimp-afraid-to-play-a-card-game

**Mastiff**

pleasantnoodles wrote:
There's something trolly/not right happening here:
http://www.mtgsalvation.com/forums/magic-fundamentals/magic-general/564629-big-wimp-afraid-to-play-a-card-game

Hunh, looks like someone's working on their psychology dissertation...

**Polonius**

Mastiff wrote:
pleasantnoodles wrote:
There's something trolly/not right happening here:
http://www.mtgsalvation.com/forums/magic-fundamentals/magic-general/564629-big-wimp-afraid-to-play-a-card-game

Hunh, looks like someone's working on their psychology dissertation...

Huh, indeed. Call me confused...

**Easy E**

I am empathetic with the OP. (Remember kids, you can;t be empathetic without being pathetic!)

I like to game and paint and such. I just don't like other people much. They drain my energy. I'm just a big introvert that way; but some call my a misanthrope.

My wife is open to the occasional game with me, but she is motly just humoing me. Plus, i don;t want to take up our free time doing something she clearly doesn't really enjoy much. However, our free time is very limited so when we both have free time I don't want to tell her to get lost so I can play some games. I actually want to be with her; well most of the time. However, it does probably require a frank discussion abut what you want to do and how it can happen on occassion.

Of course the classc solution is a "date night" for the wo of you together one week, followed by "Free Night" for both of you the following week. Both person can go do something they want to do.

On the other hand, my wife does like to paint s sometimes we just sit around and paint models together, talk, and listen to music after the kid goes to bed.

**kronk**

pleasantnoodles wrote:
There's something trolly/not right happening here:
http://www.mtgsalvation.com/forums/magic-fundamentals/magic-general/564629-big-wimp-afraid-to-play-a-card-game

other site:

TL;DR: Grown man makes excuses for not going to one of the biggest FLGS in North America to play MTG; wonders what is wrong with him or if he is too old for this game.

Not sure if I need a shrink or just a good smack in the jaw, but I have this problem that’s bothering me: I wish I could bring myself to play MTG for real (ex. going to FNM or tournaments), but I can’t.

The issues are on three levels: skill, commitment, and social.

For skill, I am extremely green. I have never played against another person, only built decks and played them against each other. I love this part of the game—opening 36 boosters and constructing Standard decks, working out the what-ifs, learning the rules—but I know MTG is an extremely technical game for smart people. One of my greatest fears, despite being a grown man, is taking my super-powerful Izzet deck to my FLGS (which happens to be Calgary’s The Sentry Box) and getting trounced by some pimply 16-year-old who then laughs in my face. I am fully aware this is stupid but I can’t shake the mental image.

On the commitment front, I have a wife who only kind of tolerates me being a gamer/nerd. Since she doesn’t outright hate me playing video games etc., I guess I have it pretty good. I just can’t see her being happy when I tell her, ‘Oh, I’ll be out every Friday night playing Magic, which you associate with the geeks on Big Bang Theory and thus astutely refuse to play with me. Because of said refusal, our limited together-time will have to suffer so I can hang out drinking Monster with pimply 16-year-olds.’

The social barrier is the hardest part. As I said above, I’m a grown man—at least I consider 30 to be ‘grown’ and ‘man’. From what I’ve seen of FNM and similar events when I go to pick up new sets, or some model glue or whatever, a lot of the players are in their early 20s or younger. I’d be fine playing with them there, but anything outside that (which is what I really want to do—have friends over to smash some kitchen-table decks together over scotch) wouldn’t work. I feel like the age gap is just too big, even bordering on creepy once my opponents get younger than 20.

I appreciate the irony of a ‘grown man’ having this pretty childish dilemma, because I’ve had this fear of getting involved in a gaming community (of any kind) for years. I realize this is the very negative side of things (my default side). Maybe my Izzet deck is actually really good, my wife would get the hint and want to play if I started abandoning her Friday nights, and I’d run into a group of really chill, helpful, MTG-playing dads who think *I’m* a young’n. But I wrote this as a question, not just idle speculation, because I’m tired of speculating.

What does the forum think? Are my fears unfounded? Should I just go out and do it? Or am I really too old and should just worry about my RRSPs instead?

Dakka Dakka Post:

TL;DR: Grown man makes excuses for not going to one of the biggest FLGS in North America to play Warmachine; wonders what is wrong with him.

Not sure if I need a shrink or just a good smack in the jaw, but I have this problem that’s bothering me: I wish I could bring myself to play Warmachine for real (ex. going to my FLGS to play), but I can’t.

The issues are on two levels: skill and commitment.

For skill, I am extremely green. I have never played against another person, only built armies and played them against each other. I love this part of the hobby—painting models, building cohesive armies, working out the what-ifs, learning the rules—but I know Warmachine is an extremely technical game for smart people. One of my greatest fears, despite being a grown man, is taking my super-cool Menoth army to my FLGS (which happens to be Calgary’s The Sentry Box) and getting trounced by some pimply 16-year-old who then laughs in my face. I am fully aware this is stupid but I can’t shake the mental image.

On the commitment front, I have a wife who only kind of tolerates me being a gamer/nerd. Since she doesn’t outright hate me playing video games etc., I guess I have it pretty good. I just can’t see her being happy when I tell her, ‘Oh, I’ll be out every Thursday night playing with toys, which you associate with the geeks on Big Bang Theory and thus astutely refuse to play with me. Because of said refusal, our limited together-time will have to suffer so I can hang out drinking Monster with pimply 16-year-olds.’

I appreciate the irony of a ‘grown man’ having this pretty childish dilemma, because I’ve had this fear of getting involved in a gaming community (of any kind) for years. I realize this is the very negative side of things (my default side). Maybe my army is actually really good. Maybe my wife would get the hint and want to play if I started abandoning her Thursday nights. But I wrote this as a question, not just idle speculation, because I’m tired of speculating.

What does the forum think? Are my fears unfounded? Should I just go out and do it? Or am I really too old and should just worry about my RRSPs instead?

Dude. WTF?

**Manchu**

kronk wrote:
Dude. WTF?

WTF indeed.

Leaving unlocked because Dakkanauts have responded politely and with good advice even if this is somehow trolling.

Good job Dakkanauts!

**Grey Templar**

Gehennar wrote:
Mathieu Raymond wrote:
Do you spend some quality time with her otherwise? If you give her enough time that she doesn't feel neglected (in a mature way, not a needy 16 year old kinda way) you ought to be fine, honestly. Cook a meal, clean up a bit, it builds a lot of freebies in the bank.

Haha yeah, we do hang out doing things she likes (watching movies, TV, etc.) and I do most of the cooking and cleaning because I like doing it. I just can't get her to play any 'nerdy' things with me, like Magic, video games...

I consider pulling the 'I do things you like, you should do things that I like', but that feels pretty childish honestly.

And it is.

The best way to go about it is to just say "I'm going to go play Warmachine at the store. This will be a fairly regular occurrence." Just be matter of fact about it.

If objections are raised, like "I thought we were going to do X tonight honey?" just say "We'll do that tomorrow night, but Thursday is game night!"

If she isn't interested in doing this stuff with you, just leave it be. I'm sure she has some stuff she enjoys which you couldn't care less about. You don't have to do everything together, you just need to do some things together. Warmachine definitely doesn't have to be that something.

I highly doubt she loathes the fact you are a bit of a nerd, she did marry you after all. One night a week for yourself away from home is hardly a lot to ask. Just make sure when you are at home, like playing video games or painting, that you are available(but that doesn't seem like a problem you have)

Just go and play Warmachine. If it messes up some plans, just move whatever was planned to another day and just set the precedent that Thursday night every week is when you'll be at the store playing games.

As for being worried about losing, get over it. You're going to lose your first few games, probably more than the first few. And you'll still lose games after that. Warmachine is all about player skill. Learning various tactics and tricks online is good for the overall picture, but one thing they can't teach you is positioning and judging distances. That will only come with practice.

Go to your first games with the mindset of not caring about the outcome. Go with the idea that you'll try and learn a bunch of new things, like how to judge distances, weigh risk vs reward, and of course try and win. Don't give up on winning, just don't be afraid of losing. Warmachine is meant to be played when both players are trying their hardest to win.

When you do inevitably lose, ask your opponent if he noticed any mistakes you made and if he has any tips for you. Any decent human being will happily oblige. Ask him if there was a point where you did something and he immediately thought "Got you now!"

And don't ask for opponents to pull punches, that doesn't teach anything useful.

**milkboy**

There is that small possibility that he plays both. The more likely conclusion is probably trolling or some research he is doing as someone mentioned. But the most obvious answer is not always right all the time.

Perhaps the OP would like to explain this? Even an apology for trolling or for cracking this "joke", would be better than what this situation is now.

**derek**

Manchu wrote:
kronk wrote:
Dude. WTF?
WTF indeed.

Leaving unlocked because Dakkanauts have responded politely and with good advice even if this is somehow trolling.

Good job Dakkanauts!

It's the Warmachine section of the forums, for all the Page 5 fun I've found most WM players to be really mellow people.

Just imagine if this had been posted in 40k general...

Also even if the OP is being serious, his description of his wife's attitude doesn't seem very consistent. It makes me wonder if he is trying to scapegoat his own insecurity onto her instead.

**Mastiff**

Honestly, I think the most likely explanation is that he likes both and is trying to figure out which will fit his schedule or personality the best. s'all good.

**Gehennar**

Mastiff wrote:
Honestly, I think the most likely explanation is that he likes both and is trying to figure out which will fit his schedule or personality the best. s'all good.

Almost nail on the head.

Yup, I knew I ran the risk of someone checking both the MTG and WH forums since they are similar communities. The problem's been bugging me so much, however, I thought I'd get advice from both communities.

And before anyone finds it, I made a similar post on the EVE Online forums because, like MTG and WH, that game takes a lot of commitment and time as well. Unbelievably I like to play video games as well. I'm astonished this community is astonished that someone could want to play two (actually three) types of games, and instead immediately assumes I'm a trolling mad scientist

Jeez

derek wrote:
It makes me wonder if he is trying to scapegoat his own insecurity onto her instead.

Speaking of psychology dissertations, did you do one? Because you're probably right. Ever since I moved cities 6 years ago I've had a really hard time finding friends of my own. Usually my friends are her friends, and they share the same 'let's not do nerdy things' mentality. I haven't been able to replicate the gaming circle I had, and it's made me insecure and desperate.

Thanks for helping, Dakka! Sorry I caused some rage/confusion.

**Surtur**

It's the similarities of the post where words are changed just to fit the context that raises eyebrows.