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So my wife brings me home a bag of Krunchers Seasalt and pepper corn chips. Easily my fav bag of chhips. So while in extreme bliss of eating these chips, suddenly I feel this incredibly sharp pain zapping through the whole of my mouth. I spit out the chips, and blood everywhere. Some how, while chomping down on these little lovelies, one decided NO MORE!!!! TONIGHT, WE MADE A STAND!!!!!!!! literally. it stood up, and I clamped down, and it stapped right through the roof of my mouth.

Now, not only did it hurt like hell because I just had a potato chip go through my mouth, but it also has pepper and salt on it.................so naturally that was up in there as well. Son of a BITCH that hurt. So while cleaning it out, and whining like a baby about it, I decided to get the super glue out to fix the hole. Not thinking that its probably a bad idea, and somehow glued my finger (Yes, I put glue on my finger tip to apply, I wasnt going to put the TUBE in my mouth!) to the roof of my mouth. To make things worse, I was half naked and when I tried pulling my finger out, it was making the potato chip whole bigger, and thus bleed more.

So I had to drive to the hospital half naked, and with one arm. the wife couldnt drive for me, as its a school night and the kids were already asleep. So a couple minutes out, Im drooling like a fool, because I cant actually close my mouth with my finger glued in there. So I arrive at the emergency room, with no shirt on, in my boxers and now looking like I peed myself because the drool just WOULDNT stop! Oh and my finger glued to the inside of my mouth. So laughing, the nurses help me to a room. The doctors were all laughing as I tried to explain what happened, but they had a hard time understanding me with my finger in my mouth.

So after some time, and a beach towel later the doctors come in with some liquid...STUFF to desolve the glue, so I could take my hand away from my mouth, but also so they could fix the hole in my mouth as well. Problem was, it tasted AWFUL!!!!!!!! Im talking, like hairspray mixed with animal piss. Now let me ask you, folks of DAKKA, have you ever vomited with your hand stuck to your face?? Well now I can say, I have. It was terrible. It was everywhere, and worse yet, I couldnt really clean it up to well, as of course, the genius that is me, used my dominant hand to glue my mouth to my hand, and so trying to clean up with Mr lefty, Mr righty's mentally handicapped out of shape brother, just wasnt working.

Of course, it worked, the doctors stiched me up, and were even nice enough to give me a FREE hospital gown to wear home. But they had to tell me though tears and laughter. All in all it was a good night. And hopefully by now, youll realize that was mostly a BS story I felt like writing up. Like most movies based on true stories in Hollywood, only 5% of it was true. I ate those awesome chips last night, and one of those bastards stood up and cut the hell out of my mouth. It did hurt, and to make him pay fir it, I did the fat guy thing, and ate a few of his friends as well. So share your crazy stories of food attacks, or just laugh at the fact, you almost believed what ol KC said....er typed. Either way, good morning DAKKA

Aww, shame it wasn't true, that had me in stitches.

Good for a chuckle, KC. Well played, sir.

Had I been on-call, I'd have laughed at your ass!

I was five seconds away from "Pics or GTFO", but amusing story nevertheless, if only for the fact that I've my own late night emergency room run and I understand the horror/absurdity/pain of it all.

It was about the time you hit 'fix the roof of your mouth with superglue', that I was thinking "Surely not. Who would DO that?"

Word of advice, DON'T EVER chop heaps of chilli for sauce then try and get amorous with your partner in the kitchen! sometimes pleasure and pain do not mix well!.....

daedalus wrote:I was five seconds away from "Pics or GTFO", but amusing story nevertheless, if only for the fact that I've my own late night emergency room run and I understand the horror/absurdity/pain of it all.

It was about the time you hit 'fix the roof of your mouth with superglue', that I was thinking "Surely not. Who would DO that?"

Isn't superglue related to the chemicals they use to seal up some wounds? Anyway, I know someone who glued their mouth shut after getting a load of glue in there because they tried to pull the lid off with their mouth.

And when I say "someone", it definitely wasn't me, I would be more afraid of getting it in my eyes.

Yes super glue was originally made as a battlefield quick fix, hence why you instantly glue yourself to things

But I ALMOST glued my mouth shut once. I dunno why but I was "testing" the air flow coming out of it on my cheek of all places *shrugs* I was 15, what do you expect right? And it just exploded all over the place and the tube was actually stuck to my face for a few moments. I used nail polish remover to pop it off, the fumes from that stuff was terrible, and made my eyes water something fierce. So lesson learned there I guess

Howard A Treesong wrote:

Isn't superglue related to the chemicals they use to seal up some wounds? Anyway, I know someone who glued their mouth shut after getting a load of glue in there because they tried to pull the lid off with their mouth.

And when I say "someone", it definitely wasn't me, I would be more afraid of getting it in my eyes.

It's awesome for gluing shut wounds. I do it all the time. EXTERNAL wounds. One of the things that makes it so amazing for this is any water content will cause it to cure almost instantly. That's also the reason why it's a really bad idea for your mouth.

Interestingly, an MSDS of CA glue I found actually lists it as being "relatively non-toxic materials".

PMSL dude that was so funny but i feel so sorry for you.

PMSL?
Please Make Super Lasers?
Pat My Sisters Leg?
Post Modern Stress......L word?

KingCracker wrote:PMSL?
Please Make Super Lasers?
Pat My Sisters Leg?
Post Modern Stress......L word?

Pre-Mature Senile Leper?

I'm going to exalt this before it dies. That post was what the internet is made of.

The worst I have is that I've woken up at night wanting a snack and accidentally poured tabasco on my junk as I completely missed my burrito. It's not so bad til it drips down the contours of your body.

Thanks for the laugh mate.

KingCracker wrote:So my wife brings me home a bag of Krunchers Seasalt and pepper corn chips. Easily my fav bag of chhips. So while in extreme bliss of eating these chips, suddenly I feel this incredibly sharp pain zapping through the whole of my mouth. I spit out the chips, and blood everywhere. Some how, while chomping down on these little lovelies, one decided NO MORE!!!! TONIGHT, WE MADE A STAND!!!!!!!! literally. it stood up, and I clamped down, and it stapped right through the roof of my mouth.

Now, not only did it hurt like hell because I just had a potato chip go through my mouth, but it also has pepper and salt on it.................so naturally that was up in there as well. Son of a BITCH that hurt. So while cleaning it out, and whining like a baby about it, I decided to get the super glue out to fix the hole. Not thinking that its probably a bad idea, and somehow glued my finger (Yes, I put glue on my finger tip to apply, I wasnt going to put the TUBE in my mouth!) to the roof of my mouth. To make things worse, I was half naked and when I tried pulling my finger out, it was making the potato chip whole bigger, and thus bleed more.

So I had to drive to the hospital half naked, and with one arm. the wife couldnt drive for me, as its a school night and the kids were already asleep. So a couple minutes out, Im drooling like a fool, because I cant actually close my mouth with my finger glued in there. So I arrive at the emergency room, with no shirt on, in my boxers and now looking like I peed myself because the drool just WOULDNT stop! Oh and my finger glued to the inside of my mouth. So laughing, the nurses help me to a room. The doctors were all laughing as I tried to explain what happened, but they had a hard time understanding me with my finger in my mouth.

So after some time, and a beach towel later the doctors come in with some liquid...STUFF to desolve the glue, so I could take my hand away from my mouth, but also so they could fix the hole in my mouth as well. Problem was, it tasted AWFUL!!!!!!!! Im talking, like hairspray mixed with animal piss. Now let me ask you, folks of DAKKA, have you ever vomited with your hand stuck to your face?? Well now I can say, I have. It was terrible. It was everywhere, and worse yet, I couldnt really clean it up to well, as of course, the genius that is me, used my dominant hand to glue my mouth to my hand, and so trying to clean up with Mr lefty, Mr righty's mentally handicapped out of shape brother, just wasnt working.

Of course, it worked, the doctors stiched me up, and were even nice enough to give me a FREE hospital gown to wear home. But they had to tell me though tears and laughter. All in all it was a good night. And hopefully by now, youll realize that was mostly a BS story I felt like writing up. Like most movies based on true stories in Hollywood, only 5% of it was true. I ate those awesome chips last night, and one of those bastards stood up and cut the hell out of my mouth. It did hurt, and to make him pay fir it, I did the fat guy thing, and ate a few of his friends as well. So share your crazy stories of food attacks, or just laugh at the fact, you almost believed what ol KC said....er typed. Either way, good morning DAKKA

Wow, I was actually convinced that was true until the end, great story the by the way even if most of it's made up.

Try not to use super glue to seal up any wounds, though hospitals use it it is medical grade. It is not uncommon for the average super glue to be toxic and although it can seal the wounds it's not a good idea to use it.

That story was awesomely hilarious. Thanks!

This did come from the nation that gave us the president who nearly croaked on account of a pretzel, so I as ready to believe you KC.

But that comment comes from a nation where the Queen Mother nearly croaked on account of a fish bone, so maybe i won't be so cocky.

Other than that I have done many an injury on account of beer but maybe it deserves it's own thread!

Cannerus_The_Unbearable wrote:I'm going to exalt this before it dies. That post was what the internet is made of.

The worst I have is that I've woken up at night wanting a snack and accidentally poured tabasco on my junk as I completely missed my burrito. It's not so bad til it drips down the contours of your body.

The picture sells the whole thing. The "worst" midnight something that happened, was I was REALLY craving Milk like super bad. So on the way to the fridge, I could practically taste the milk, still super exhausted, just wretched into the fridge and grabbed what I thought was milk, and slammed it down. It was Orange juice, and I about puked, because I thought it was REALLY sour milk or something. Not as exciting as tabasco on the balls

funny...really funny actually...

So my older stepbro had (yeah had, just watch) this nasty habit of drinking milk out of the family milk jug...I'd told him a thousand times it was gross and to stop doing it as other people wanted to drink out of it...the conversation usually went like this:

Me: Hey, that's sick, get a cup.
Him: Okay mom -continues drinking out of jug-
Me: Seriously man, other people like to drink milk too...
Him: No big deal, you can use a cup, you'll be fine wussy...
Me: -rolls eyes and storms off-

So one day I saw him doing it again, my eye began to twitch, I felt that tiny part of the brain in the back of your head snap when you really get pissed...I walked straight up to him and did this...



He had the most disbelieving look on his face and was about to chew me out...I pointed at the milk on the floor and very calmly said

"Clean. It. Up."

He went to get a towel and I went to go get some milk later that day...

/problem

KingCracker i was having a horrible night and this made it infinitely more better, thank you my good sir

Cool story bro.

*Goes back to eating his kettle cooked chips and sipping back brandy.*

KC I too have felt the pain and betrayal of an in-mouth food shivving. Except in my case it was an unusually crunchy french-fry (or as us brits call it, 'a chip'), and I spent the next 10 minutes trying to extract a fragment of said chip out of my hard palette with fork...


Also Cannerus, are you sure that was an accident, or are you just trying to disguise one of your less successful sexual escapades?

KC - always a King..

Cannerus - always keeps me smiling.

I once got knocked out by a ceiling fan.

In the Hospital - when they stitched me up - they even have "Ceiling Fan" as cause of accident in a pull down drop box menu thingy.

APPARENTLY happens alot to kids jumping on mum and dads bed.

I was 34, and woke up in middle of night having to go to restroom - IN A HURRY - stood up on my bed/Futon - and got knocked the F out. Funny in retrospect - embarrasing as hell at the time..

I aim to please.....I aim to please. And I can report, the rest of the Ahole chips family tasted pretty damn good. Taught them not to shiv me