Forum adverts like this one are shown to any user who is not logged in. Join us by filling out a tiny 3 field form and you will get your own, free, dakka user account which gives a good range of benefits to you: No adverts like this in the forums anymore. Times and dates in your local timezone. Full tracking of what you have read so you can skip to your first unread post, easily see what has changed since you last logged in, and easily see what is new at a glance. Email notifications for threads you want to watch closely. Being a part of the oldest wargaming community on the net. If you are already a member then feel free to login now.

This topic came up in discussions at work yesterday, and I haven't seen any topic about this here on Dakka (honestly, whats more important, work or dakka?)..

Anyhow, the topic at hand was whether or not a married (or unmarried) couple having a child effectively "ruins" their life. The prime example was the guy who is early 20s, saying that him and his wife were trying to have a child. This was followed by derision and the comment from before, and that he had "not lived his life enough" to suit having a kid.

I was somewhat disturbed by this notion, because in everything i have read from "reputable" sources, is that a couple having kids, or having a child of your own changes that person, and they feel that they are living an even better life than before kids.

Since having my own kid (she is now two), and having another one on the way, it is definitely my opinion that kids do not "ruin" lives, but actually make them better. Sure, I can no longer go out and get absolutely plastered drunk, blacking out and being a fool anymore, but that was never actually "me" in the first place. Sure the kid(s) have CHANGED my life, but it definitely was not for the worse.

What say you dakka?

i would of thought it depends on the person. my mum brings up me and my 2 brothers and sister by herself. it defanetly changed her life but she still finds enjoyment out of it.

Ensis Ferrae wrote:This topic came up in discussions at work yesterday, and I haven't seen any topic about this here on Dakka (honestly, whats more important, work or dakka?)..

Anyhow, the topic at hand was whether or not a married (or unmarried) couple having a child effectively "ruins" their life. The prime example was the guy who is early 20s, saying that him and his wife were trying to have a child. This was followed by derision and the comment from before, and that he had "not lived his life enough" to suit having a kid.

I was somewhat disturbed by this notion, because in everything i have read from "reputable" sources, is that a couple having kids, or having a child of your own changes that person, and they feel that they are living an even better life than before kids.

Since having my own kid (she is now two), and having another one on the way, it is definitely my opinion that kids do not "ruin" lives, but actually make them better. Sure, I can no longer go out and get absolutely plastered drunk, blacking out and being a fool anymore, but that was never actually "me" in the first place. Sure the kid(s) have CHANGED my life, but it definitely was not for the worse.

What say you dakka?

Lets ask you again when they are teenagers.

Personally, I dont think they ruin lives. They most certainly change your life in a way that isnt recognizable from your previous one though. The only times I see someone having a child and it affects them in a bad way, is when said person isnt ready/responsible enough to handle it. The type that would rather hang with buds at the bar, then being a parent. Ive known a few like that, and oddly enough, every single one of them, are divorced, and bar hounds. Weird?

Their really is no set answer to this as it depends completely on the individual. I wasn't really ready for kids myself, but the broken condom didn't bother to ask my opinion

At first I felt like my youth and all the good times that accompanied it were gone forever, but I have grew into to being a dad and enjoy it a lot now and have a second (planned) kid on the way.

Kids are terrible... they chew on your socks... sometimes with your feet still in them. They run wild around the house. They climb all over you leaving scratch marks. You can never get any modeling done because they run up and snatch your models then run off with them to gnaw on them... or am I thinking of cats...

I prefer the extra disposable income that me and my wife enjoy, while not having kids.

In my opinion, if my wife and I had a Kid now, it would ruin our lives. We have plenty of things we want to do, before a Kid comes around.
I also travel and spend a lot of time away from home on my job, and really love my loose and easy lifestyle. A Kid would change that.

I have two kids. One is going to be a mechanic the other a physician. Me sorted.

They do not ruin your life, they simply make the life you lived before impossible to reproduce compared to the life you are living now.

You can not go back to the way it was before, and there is no way to know before hand how your life changes after.

Hands down, it is the "biggest" change in a person's life. Moving, changing jobs, getting married, none of them compare in scope or magnitude to the change in one's life.

So, ruined is the wrong word. I would say it completely changes your life in an unimaginable way.

Our first house was across the street from a fine bar. With a fresh set of batteries the receiver of the baby monitor could reach across the street. Ah, those were the days, drinking lager with a baby monitor on the copper bar.

olympia wrote:Our first house was across the street from a fine bar. With a fresh set of batteries the receiver of the baby monitor could reach across the street. Ah, those were the days, drinking lager with a baby monitor on the copper bar.

That is so full of fething win!

olympia wrote:Our first house was across the street from a fine bar. With a fresh set of batteries the receiver of the baby monitor could reach across the street. Ah, those were the days, drinking lager with a baby monitor on the copper bar.

I dont know whether to applaud you or report you...

Whether having kids 'ruins' your life or merely leaves it 'changed' is probably a matter for the individual.

But it it would 'ruin' your life, the FOR GOD'S SAKE BE CAREFUL because obviously you are not ready or willing to be a parent!

I can tell you firsthand what it's like being the child that 'ruined' a life. It sucks. It sucks moose.

When I graduated college, my dad gave me some advice:
You can be rich, or you can have kids. Don't make the same mistake I did.

To echo what a few people have said, the financial freedom that comes with have two working adults and no children-related responsibilities is pretty great. Maybe that makes me a bad person, maybe some parents are envious and will lash out against it, but for me, it works for my wife and I.

I have no interest in having kids. For one, I feel like this is the worst possible time to have them, economically speaking. For another, every last person I've ever personally known (bar one) to have kids just kind of stops living. You don't hear from them ever again, even when the kid is old enough to be okay with a babysitter. You see the guy maybe once to twice a year, and you just don't see the wife anymore.

Frankly, I think the world is overpopulated. I'm doing my part by not contributing and having the income to live like a rock star.

The question is moot, by time you have kids the chances are your mrs has already ruined your life.

Having a kid can be a good thing or it could be a bad thing, it all depends on context and the type of person having the kid. If a so-called "free-spirit" were to have a kid they may feel tied down and would not be happy. Guys like myself want kids, but when its fiscally responsible to do so because if you can't afford a kid the kid may suffer. Like most people, if I have a kid I want them to have a good life if not a better one than mine.