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Oooh! Oooh! MORE MATT WARD!

Holy feth how is this thread still alive.

I am...stunned...in a good way of course...

BBL revived it. Boom! And we're back!

It is a bit necroed, BBL, just post the next part please!

god damnit BBL we left part 4 unfinished here cause of our lootin'... we must complete it as soon as possible, more awesome stuff to come no doubt

I was gonna call you and tell you to save it but you didnt pick up.
Part 4 was started guys, so tonight (depending when I get home from the dmv) or tomorrow, part 4 will be posted

Part 4. Oh baby.

"stop!" whined Girlyman, "Its not funny! It took ages to heal even this much!"
This of course just made the Primarchs laugh harder.

"Wait, Since the Emperor is gone doesn't that mean...." said Khan, breaking his long silence.
Suddenly, the Warp began to churn and space-time itself was rent asunder. Hordes of daemons began to pour out and swarm the loyalist forces of the Imperium. Space Marine and Guardsman alike were being cut down like Eldar. Which was absolute slaughter. The Primarchs looked out in horror at the mass of daemons and humans covering the massive battlefield. A large hand appeared in the rend, tearing it wider. Out stepped Malal, the Lost God. "Now the four brothers are gone. I am free to destroy at my leisure."
The Primarchs stared at the 5th God. How could they possibly fight all these demons?
"This is how we'll fight them!" Girlyman exclaimed, holding up the Codex Astartes. Quickly searching in the book, he yelled, "I name this maneuver...Feth It!" Throwing down the tome, he ran forward, yelling his own name as a battle cry, "ROBOUTE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Guilliman!"
"Damn it Rowboat," muttered the Lion before they all charged into the fray. Russ swung his mighty axe, beheading daemons left and right. Girlyman slapped the daemons silly until they begged for mercy. Vulkan smashed many a daemon with his great hammer. But, there were simply too many. They needed, the experts....
Girlyman looked around and yelled, "Kaldor!!!"
Captain Stern had piloted the Grey Knight, be he was not the true champion. Suddenly, Draigo stepped out of a rip in space-time of his own. “My name’s Kaldor Draigo. I’m here to kick ass and kick ass. And I’m never out of ass.” He proclaimed, walking with his entourage towards the battle. He waded in, waving his power sword randomly but still getting mega killstreaks. Suddenly, he paused and called down a care package. A group of Sisters of Battle arrived in the package. Draigo and his Knights looked at each other and grinned. Grabbing one each, they broke them over their knees and spread their Blood of Warding* upon their armor before rejoining the battle. From out of nowhere, and ear-splitting, bone-shaking, bowel-loosening war cry came, “WAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!” The massive ork Waaagh mentioned in my recap from part one had arrived. Hundreds of clans were represented. The orks arrived from their makeshift kroozers, flooding the battlefield in a literal green tide. ‘Where the feth did the orks come from?” questioned Vulkan.
“The author forgot to add them earlier” whispered Corax, plunging his claws into some boyz.
Warboss Gitsplitta led his horde of Bad Moons into the flank of the imperial forces. “Let’s kill these gits!” he bellowed.
The Dark Eldar, who had been watching the carnage, chose to attack! Shooting their perverse weapons into all the assembled forces, they screamed in their foul tongue.
“WAIT!” yelled Battle Brother Lucifer from behind the computer screen. Reaching through the computer, BBL’s hand came down, crushing the Deldar like ants! “Dark Eldar have NO place in my story!” BBL raged, throwing their corpses into SPHESS. The Eldar peeped out from their Craft (mac’n’cheese) Worlds, yelling happily, “Slaanesh and the Dark Eldar…They are gone!” Suddenly, the Eldar all began to PARTY. However, their great excess did exactly what it did ages ago, Slaanesh was reborn, consuming all their souls instantly. Slaanesh yawned before saying “AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW YEAAAAAAAH!”
Because Slaanesh had been reborn, Malal grew in power. “YES!” Malal yelled, he and his daemons attacked with greater fury. Slaanesh’s daemons poured from the warp anew. The Primarchs had rallied the scattered forces of the Imperium for one heroic last stand. The over-the-top-ness of Draigo wasn’t even enough to hold the daemons at bay. Suddenly, a CRASSUS ARMORED ASSAULT TRANSPORT rolled up. Its massive doors opened and a slightly smaller CRASSUS ARMORED ASSAULT TRANSPORT came from inside. The second CRASSUS ARMORED ASSAULT TRANSPORT’s doors opened, and a single man stepped forward, wearing gold and wielding power claws with a bolter strapped to his wrist. It was…Vance MOTHA-F*CKING Stubbs. He grinned up at the orks and daemons and said in his calm, stern voice, “I found my one hundred Baneblades.”
Creed stepped up to his old friend, “Way ahead of you, Bro.” The 100 Baneblades scout-moved behind the enemy forces, unleashing pure, unadulterated hell. The insane amount of firepower liquefied most of the daemons and orks, allowing the Primarchs to charge again, cleaning up the last of the forces. Malal and Slaanesh stared down at the Primarchs angrily. The Primarchs gathered, “We need the Emperorator-ator!” Shouted Khan. The Primarch glanced at each other and focused their power. Suddenly, they were inside the Emperorator-ator somehow. But, without the Emperor, it seemed hopeless. Nobody was a powerful enough psyker to pilot it. The Emperor spoke to them from beyond the grave. “Focus your power again, my sons. You will have enough to move it for a short while. Make it count.” The Primarchs, determined to make their father proud, focused their energy again. The Emperorator-ator took a step forward. Then another. And another. Slowly but surely, it made its way to the two daemon Gods. The battle was on! Slowly, they exchanged blows, but it was apparent, the Emperorator-ator would not win. Focusing their might against the newly-reborn Slaanesh, they beat the gak out of him before the Emperorator-ator fell to its knees. The Primarchs were drained of the energy stores left to them by the EMPRAH. They stared up, and prepared for their doom.
Suddenly, the sound of a Black-and-White bike was heard, revving in the background. The Black-and-White Space Marine on the Black-and-White Bike had arrived! Racing forward, he began to fire his twin linked Black-and-White bolters. For some reason, Malal took CRITICAL damage. The Black-and-White Space Marine stood on Malal’s head. Drawing his Black-and-White sword, he raised it above his head, yelling, “THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!!!” before plunging it into Malal’s cranium. (Author’s note: Malal is black and white.)
“HOLY SH*T,” Yelled Girlyman, “We were just saved by the Black-and-White Space Marine on the Black-and-White Bike!”
“Not THE Black-and-White Space Marine on the Black-and-White Bike?” said Russ
“Yes, THE Black-and-White Space Marine on the Black-and-White Bike!” yelled everyone else.
A hush fell over the battlefield. Nearly everyone was dead. The few remaining Imperial forces raised their flag over the mass of bodies. The Imperium had won. For now…

YES THIS A REPOST.

Cool story, bro.

But... what about the tau??
jk reading the whole thing, the fourth part doesnt seem too out of place
overall, we made ONE BADASS STORAH

I think a future installment needs pretty marines and ANGRY MARINES! Otherwise, It's awesome.

Exalted. I guess i was laughing to hard because now my parents think im crazy.

SO....MUCH....WIN...

It hurts....it hurts so bad to laugh this much....I think I might have just whizzed myself a little there...holy Emperor I haven't laughed that hard...EVER

Glad everyone likes it. I may do a part 5 with the tau

Battle Brother Lucifer wrote:Glad everyone likes it. I may do a part 5 with the tau

WIN!

Too funny! Though I think I laughed the hardest at the first installment because I wasn't expecting it.

My side hurts from laughing so hard!

"CREEEEEEEEEEEEEEED!!!" ROFL - that almost killed me

We. Need. More.

This thread just made my day, can't remember myself LOLing so hard while reading the forums

although i don't get the part with the black and white marine, fairly new player here :(

Its an old joke that Im sure someone will post since you mentioned it

Glad you liked it though

Yes! Tau! With them singing this while negotiating with Orks, and KFC jokes.

"“Slaanesh and the Dark Eldar…They are gone!” Suddenly, the Eldar all began to PARTY. However, their great excess did exactly what it did ages ago, Slaanesh was reborn, consuming all their souls instantly. Slaanesh yawned before saying “AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW YEAAAAAAAH!” "

OMG HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
THIS IS GENIUS

Glad you like it. I'll make part 5 for the playadept mag if they really make it

You're my new hero.

I hate to necro (mods, since its my own thread isnt it technically ok? if not feel free to close and/or inform me) but, should I make a final part of this ridiculous tale or leave it how it is?

Add some more man, if you are up to it of course.

If I have spare time this weekend Im gonna try to conclude this story, and add in more necron and tau stuff.

Win to the Win to the Win, Win, Win!