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His shaving instructions for the "Smoothest Shave in the Galaxy":

1. Apply Carnifex Drool
2. Use Chainsword... Forcefully.
3. Rinse with Eldar Tears.
4. Kill someone.

He once drank an Ork under the table in a fungus-beer drinking contest. He pissed green for a week, and peed on the Guardsmen saying it was a lucky charm.

DeadlyFungi wrote:He doesn't always drink beer....but when he does he drinks "Dos Aquilas"....

Bwahahah. win.

The imperium has stopped sacrificing 1000 psykers to Big E and decided that they should be sacrificed to him instead. After he wasn't satisfied they had to start gathering 100000 psykers a day

Dark Apostle 666 wrote:...He no-scoped a vindicare assassin...

from 5 systems away.

He beat a Fire Warrior in a marksmanship contest. Blindfolded. Facing the opposite direction.

He knows what Tzeentch really looks like. And he's not impressed.

When he travels through the warp, he uses a Geller field for the daemon's safety.

He once beat Marneus Calgar in an arm-wrestling match. With his pinky.

He told an Inquisitor of the Ordo Malleus to go make him a sandwich. He has since received a Sandwich every hour on the hour, regardless of his location.

When he rolls a 1, it counts as a six

He beat Creed in a Chess match

He can move and still fire an assault weapon

SpessMehrenD3R9 wrote:He can move and still fire an assault weapon

So can anyone.


mentleGen, it seems we have created a new Dakka meme. Huzzah!

Darkvoidof40k wrote:

SpessMehrenD3R9 wrote:He can move and still fire an assault weapon

So can anyone.


mentleGen, it seems we have created a new Dakka meme. Huzzah!

Feth, I meant heavy weapon. It's been a long day lol, I can't keep my terms straight

Tzeentch's great plan revolved around never meeting him. And it failed.

He can stare DarkVoid right in the eye for 10 hours straight without putting a gun to his head.

He read Starship Troopers and said the political messages weren't extreme enough.

He uses Gasghkull Thraka as his local butcher.

TrollPie wrote:He can star DarkVoid right in the eye for 10 hours straight without putting a gun to his head.

No more than ten though.

Edit...

SpessMehrenD3R9 wrote:
He told an Inquisitor of the Ordo Malleus to go make him a sandwich. He has since received a Sandwich every hour on the hour, regardless of his location.

Nice.

He uses a dreadnought as a pet dog.
He was the one who invented warp travel while drinking bear from a baby's skull.
He is so angry even the eye of terror is afraid.
He smashed a Power fist with his own fists.
He uses a thunder hammer as his tooth pick.
He is the one who controls the hive mind.
He out ran an warp travelling ship using his nose.
He heavy black holes get sucked into him.
He is so wise, the lord of terra listen to him when he talks from a whole galaxy away, with out any hearing aid/assistance.

When skulling a Jagger-bomb, he has the Red Bull as the shot and the Jagger as the glassful.

Emperors Faithful wrote:When skulling a Jagger-bomb, he has the Red Bull as the shot and the Jagger as the glassful.

Spoiler:

Jagger tastes like cat's vomit, fyi.

Jaeger...
Jaeger is that bad though...

I will spell the damn drink 'Yagger' if I bloody well feel the need.

A long time ago in a galaxy far far away...

he was called, "The Force."

He keeps a Norn Queen as a booty call.

He beat Creed, Tzeentch and Chuck Norris in one chess match. And he wasn't even playing.

Commissar Fuklaw doesn't execute him because he knows it would be HERESY!!!

His breakfast cereal is made of powdered angry marines and for milk he uses Khorne's tears.

He executes so many people, his bolt pistol had to be replaced with an assault cannon.

Matt Ward hired him when he needed someone to butcher fluff.

He's so extreme, Fred Phelps is scared of his beliefs.

God once got into a shouting match with him.

The Cacodominus's psychic scream was actually him asking where the f***ing Red Bull was.

He once fought his way out of a black hole.

He knows where to buy space corridors and industrial towers.

He goes to Krieg when he needs some fresh air.


Automatically Appended Next Post:
He taught Tom Cruise how to fly.


Automatically Appended Next Post:
He's a pretty cool guy, He kills aleins and doesn't afraid of anything.

His tank didn't need any fuel... Just high-octane hate...

Lord Harrab wrote:He knows where to buy space corridors and industrial towers.

I see what you did thar.


edit:

He also likes to park his CRASSUS ARMOURED ASSAULT TRANSPORT in said Industrial Towers and sometimes drive it down the space corridors.

He makes Plaguebearers sneeze

He's so good at shadow puppets Pink Horrors ask how he does it

Angry Marines are happy to see him

He once played a game of pictionary. 17 guardsmen went blind.

He created the warp just so he had something to do in his spare time.

he once gav a khorne beserker such an angry glare that it ran home screaming.

ineptus astartes wrote: it ran home screaming.

They do that everyday.

ineptus astartes wrote:he once gav a khorne beserker such an angry glare that it ran home screaming.

He once wrote a story so awesome, that an entire Catachan regiment wanted to read it.

He was once sucked into the warp, then spat out and told to never come again.

He once swam through the warp unprotected.
Now the gods are all pregnant.