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Mods, if this belongs in Other Topics, I apologize in advance.

So, I have had a long-standing issue with anxiety that has quite often gotten in the way of my enjoyment of the hobby. Although I was only formally diagnosed with general anxiety last year, for several years now I've had a problem with getting easily frustrated in games. While in some games I would maintain my cool throughout, other times horribly bad luck, or tactical blunders, would send me spiraling into edginess, irritability, and sometimes even minor freakouts. It has, in the past, made me a pretty awful person to play against, and for quite a long time has been a major source of guilt on my end.

If that was the only way in which it has manifested, that would be bad enough, but in the last three years it has also prevented me from going out and gaming altogether. As much as I have wanted to get games in, more often than not I have found myself bailing at the last possible minute-- either because I discover that I am missing and/or have neglected to fix certain models (things I could have dealt with the night before, but neglected to do so), or simply because I find I can't even muster the courage to pick up my case and head out the door. Sometimes it is fear over losing my cool again, sometimes it's lingering feelings of guilt over even the most minor things (and this happened a lot during a long period in which I was unemployed), and sometimes it's just an unexplained reluctance to leave the house. As it is, I can count the number of games I've had in the last two or three years on both hands.

I started taking my anxiety seriously last year, and was even taking meds for a brief amount of time. I thought that would make things better, but at a tournie I attended last year, I proved myself wrong when I found myself veering into a panic attack at points. It sucks, because I really want to participate in the hobby, but at the same time, past experience has now made me reluctant to, because I'm afraid of how I'll react.

Does anyone else find that anxiety (and/or something similar) often makes the hobby difficult for them?

Panic, Anxiety, Depression, mild Agoraphobia here too.

I do not get violent, but rather draw inwards. The folks I game with are AWESOME about it and it never seems to get mentioned.

I'd like to start off by emphasizing one really important thing: There are a lot of different aspects of "The Hobby" and it's not necessary for someone to participate in all of those aspects to find enjoyment.

There are people who just assemble and paint miniatures, because they like painting and assembly. There are people who just discuss the rules and game mechanics because they like discussing logical systems and explaining complicated things to other people. There are people who don't care for the miniatures or the rules, they just like getting out of the house and playing games with other people as a social activity. There are people who can't stand the idea of a timed tournament, but love the idea of going to a convention and just sort of hanging out in the halls and attending seminars.

It's an entirely valid feeling to think "I would like to do this part of the hobby, but I can't" and feel some regret because of it. But you shouldn't let that regret stop you from enjoying the parts of the hobby that you can be involved in. The people who only paint still inspire the people who do other things. The people who only discuss the rules still help the people who do other things. And so on. And don't forget about the people who build tables and terrain to give others tables to play on; or the people who run friendly local gaming stores because they want to provide a venue for the hobby.

The local game store, where I don't hang out as much as I would like, does a lot of work to encourage people to come down to the store to do hobby stuff. Just taking stuff to the store, putting it together or fixing it, or painting it, or whatever. So that a person can just get out of the house and hang out, without any feeling of pressure that they have to be gaming or buying things.

Do you have that sort of gaming store in your area?

And as far as getting out goes, the gaming conventions like Adepticon make a big deal about their tournaments, but several of the game systems (like Warmachine/Hordes or Malifaux) include casual gaming formats. And they include seminars about painting, model and terrain building, strategy and tactics, and the various other parts of the hobby.

I take daily doses of meds for social anxiety disorder and also carry other meds to combat panic attacks as needed. Do you have any "as needed" meds like that? Might be worth asking your doc about them.

I game at home exclusively with my wife so it doesn't affect my gaming, but I used to have a hard time making myself go to the LGS when I lived near one. When I was there it was usually fun (except if loud/crowded) but the initial dread of going out was a big obstacle.

Good luck my friend, PM me if I can help with anything or if you need to talk.

A friend of mine suffers from anxiety and has similar issues when gaming to you OP.

He takes beta blockers sometimes which help him immensely.

Mostly my depression makes it hard to get motivated to paint anything, lately rather than game. I used to paint minis by the truckload in my teens and 20's, but now it's barely a handful a year.

Part of that's hugely compounded by my difficulty in getting games played, though. It's like my area is completely dead for wargaming. For 90% of the 20 years to get a friend or wife, etc to sit down for a game, I have to paint both sides first, so sometimes it just feels like I am just about playing against myself.

Even though I am a huge fan of the modelling part of the hobby, I think it's finally weighing me down. Even with the group of friends I play RPG's with it's now down to every 2-3 months between sessions, and I drive 45 miles each way for those. Add in a second child, and I literally have done nothing hobby-related, not even video games, for over three months.

A friendly gaming group where I could just show up with a single force that's uniquely "mine" and pit my imagination alonside others' would be absolute bliss.

I have some anxiety issues but have never had an issue while gaming. Its actually my go to activity to relieve any and all anxiety. It sucks yours is often triggered by it. I also have lorazepam and make it a point to have it with me at all times, but have never needed it while gaming.

I am a pretty competitive warmachine player, but also love getting in some more casual games like Necromunda, Mordheim and Frostgrave. Those types of games can also be played by yourself and can be quite enjoyable. Just a thought.

Lord of Nonsensical Crap wrote:
more often than not I have found myself bailing at the last possible minute-- either because I discover that I am missing and/or have neglected to fix certain models (things I could have dealt with the night before, but neglected to do so), or simply because I find I can't even muster the courage to pick up my case and head out the door.

I sympathize - it really sucks when you end up feeling like you're sabotaging yourself. "I can't go - I didn't do X/X isn't ready/any other reason to suddenly not go out,' and the mental pressure of 'no, no, really, I CAN'T' is just so hard to fight against.

If you haven't, definitely have a talk with your doctor and make sure you're doing everything you can to help yourself out.

I used to suffer with anxiety over things so I know how you are feeling, as much as I hated it my family gave me a hard 'kick up the arse' to get me to do things outside of what was my comfort zone and I can't thank them enough. I found out that you need to push outside your comfort zone and do things you would never have considered doing. It greatly helped me feel a sense of achievement and gave me a better direction in life as to where I am and where I am going.

I haven't suffered anxiety over wargaming, but it may help to relax over the competitive nature of the games. Instead of going out to win, look to going out to engage and meet people and enjoy the social atmosphere. Who cares if your models aren't perfect or you have a major losing streak, enjoy the moment and be casual. As for myself I have created forces that are fluffy and converted to emphasize a certain theme - to hell with if they will win or not, I get the satisfaction of having a something unique and personal.

I am naturally a terrible person at giving advise, but for what its worth I try to live life with as little self-induced stress as possible and am a self-confessed fatal optimist in life. I always look to see the positives in the situation no matter how bad they are. I live life thinking if its not killing you and your not dead yet then your doing just fine, keep calm and carry on.

I wish you all the best with coping with anxiety, it may seem a long and daunting road but you will conquer it and sometime in the future you won't look back. Believe in yourself that it won't kill you and you will pull through. You may be thinking you are living the worst days of your life, but remember you have yet to live the best days of your life, the best is yet to come.

So I don't have (diagnosed) anxiety (though I do get nervous around people I don't know in social situations), but I have two friends with diagnosed anxiety disorders, who are both gamers. I can tell you the things that we do that have helped.

Most importantly, don't be ashamed of yourself. Tell your opponent about your issue. One of my friends was a gamer in my weekly RPG session and sometimes she'd skip out at the last minute, or show up late, or beg off early. She was embarrassed to tell us that her anxiety was affecting her ability to game. We didn't know, so it created friction in the group (why isn't she here this week?), and I also kept ramping up the game to keep her interested and 'rewarded', which only created more internal pressure for her to attend, which built up her anxiety.

Now that we all know about it, we all understand, and we can all get together without anyone ascribing ulterior motives to her, or creating negative feedback.

My other friend really has a problem with crowds and peripheral noise. But he feels comfortable telling me that. I try to reserve tables on slow nights, and in corners, where he isn't surrounded by people. We also will sometimes wrap it up when we have time for another game, just because the general noise level or activity level is starting to bother him. If I didn't know why he did that, I might assume he's not having fun, or doesn't like playing me, but I know why, and it's cool. We'll pack up and step outside for conversation.

Also, I would look at your game selection. You might be picking games that actually build your anxiety. Some games can go too long, which can make them really tense, or they can have a 'death spiral' where one bad roll or bad move puts you in a position where you're going to struggle for the rest of the game. Shorter games, or games with more randomness (where any single roll isn't so critical) might be easier to play.

I know that I used to be really uptight about Mordheim, because I had a warband of just a few models, and poor rolls could kill someone I had spent weeks developing, or give them some sort of injury that 'should' be represented on the model, or force them to alter wargear that was supposed to be on the model. Nobody in the group put that pressure on me, but it made me really hostile when really bad luck hit me. I'm playing league games of Bloodbowl now, which would seem to be the same way, but I have spare models for the team, you don't change out equipment, and injuries just affect stats, not WYSIWYG, so I can have much more fun because I'm not so invested in the outcome.

If gamers can't be understanding about your situation, they probably aren't chill in the first place, and it would be an anxiety-inducing game to play them either way. I hope you find some cool opponents and have fun!

Your problem seems to be twofold:

First of all, competetive wargames are really not anxiety-friendly at all. Your local community might be supportive and cool, but the game itself can throw unexpected rolls "in your face" at almost any moment. Tournament scene is even more "delicate ground" in this matter. Hobby-wise you could focus on narrative gaming, which in some cases can even be more akin to cooperative than competetive experience. Observe yourself and try to pinpoint what exact in-game events are likely to trigger your anxiety and try to avoid/minimise their likelyhood. If you can, try to find an understanding playpartner, that will actively help you calm when you're starting to freaking out and "train" your self-controll this way.

Secondly, if you have anxiety so severe, that it affects your overall life experience, you should consider being on long-term meds and undergo methodical therapy. Those kinds of disorders are not "take some pills and they go away" curable they are only manageable (unless they are only a side-effect of other, curable condition (and in many cases they are)). By manageable I mean, that they can be tamed and learned to live with without serious impact on one's life. But it takes a lot of time (counted in years) and effort to learn how to do it, and then require sustained self-awareness to controll. There are some supplemental methods, that might ease the symptoms for you, but those require interview and insight that is far beyond what is possible through an internet forum...

One last thing, mentioned above but worth emphasising - some forms of anxiety problems may be a result of seemingly unrelated health/lifestyle issues, or be heavily magnified by few relatively simple to counter malnutriition problems. This might be not your case, but it is worth to learn more about it and try for yourself.

And most important advice: don't give up!

Paint more with a nice glass of single malt. Put on a little light jazz/ Martini music, and it works wonders.

I live on Anxiety and adrenalin, so gaming to me is my stress release. Most people take it to the max and want to fight over rules and stuff, Me? I plop down a few models, shoot a few guys, and paint up a few units for the hell of it, so the E peen factor isn't the same with people like me as it for those dick-move competitive types that want to fight with you over every little thing

I have to commend you, it takes a lot of stones to talk about your personal issues of that kind.

In your world, I don't know what your left and right limit is, but I would have to say to you that maybe it might come to board games, skirmish games with a couple of things.

Use the hobby aspect, more then the game/ competition aspect.

I have social anxiety and depression issues so I understand what the OP is going through.

Anxiety and social anxiety are an actual psychological condition. Those who don't have it usually can't understand and saying just "get over it" or "work through it" are often not helpful.

I would recommend trying to get some professional help for it if that is an option. You might get some counseling and/or medication. So the first step is to go to your physician and speak to him/her about it. Don't be embarrassed to try to get professional help.

If professional help is not an option, which is a shame how mental health issues are so often dismissed in our society, then I would try to play in a one-on-one setting with an opponent you know. My biggest issue is going into a game store and meeting/befriending complete strangers to try to get a 40K going. Many hobbyists aren't the most warm and friendly people to begin with which can exacerbate anxiety issues.

As for the competitiveness factor, you need to find a way to stop being competitive. It's a game of toy soldiers with horribly balanced rules, a lot of randomness where the guy who paid the most for his army probably wins. Don't take winning or losing personal and play with good sports/good winners. Don't do tournaments or highly competitive environments.

Tp many people in this hobby get to competitive and tie winning and losing this game with their ego when winning often comes down to who paid the most to have the biggest, shiniest new model with unbalanced rules. This doesn't prove you are a good player or smart or anything, just that you can spend more money on toy soldiers.

Realize it's about having fun and socializing with people. If you and your opponent are evenly matched you should lose 50% of the time anyway. So don't get upset.

So another option might be to get into a new game system. rather than GW systems. I would recommend trying some board games to help get over the competitiveness. They are self contained and usually not pay to win. Everyone has the same chance out of the box and a lot cheaper to get into.

Fair play for posting about this and giving others a chance to share their experiences.

I think the advice to seek professional help is really valid. It sounds like this is affecting your life in serious ways and advice from people here on dakka while well meaning might not be as helpful as professional help tailored to your unique circumstances.

Reading your post, what stood out to me was your feelings of guilt about not just your hobby but yourself and your life in general. I also suffer from that, I often feel responsible for things or chew myself up over letting people down in various trivial ways. I find it extremely hard to work on, to be honest and I am not sure I can give you any answer except to let you know that I think a lot of people struggle with that.

My wife has a pretty bad anxiety disorder related to medical stuff. She gets incredibly severe panic attacks and so on sometimes. She is a super capable person and has looked into management herself as well as talking to someone about it. Some stuff that helped her:
1. Practicing mindfulness, paying attention to how you are feeling and why, including guided meditation on that. I was very skeptical of this first, but it really did a lot to reduce the frequency and intensity of the anxiety.
2. Exercising regularly. Doing 20 mins of exercise a day likewise made a huge difference. I am not talking a crazy work out routine just stuff you can do at home like planks and so on.
This one takes about 20 minutes to do and is pretty doable with no equipment:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GFus5TyIlCM
3. Self forgiveness. When you can't do something due to the illness, don't beat yourself up. I have a bad leg that flares up sometimes and I can't walk long distances when that happens. I don't beat myself up about it and tell myself I am a failure. Mental illness is the same - you are not to blame for having those problems and blame is not helpful to getting better. It creates a negative spiral that reinforces.

Anyway. As I said above a professional is better for advice than the likes of us lot. But I hope you know that others struggle with similar problems and you are not alone. Myself, I have periodic depression and burnout along with my misapplied guilt, and this year has been especially rough.

Lord of Nonsensical Crap wrote:
Mods, if this belongs in Other Topics, I apologize in advance.

So, I have had a long-standing issue with anxiety that has quite often gotten in the way of my enjoyment of the hobby. Although I was only formally diagnosed with general anxiety last year, for several years now I've had a problem with getting easily frustrated in games. While in some games I would maintain my cool throughout, other times horribly bad luck, or tactical blunders, would send me spiraling into edginess, irritability, and sometimes even minor freakouts. It has, in the past, made me a pretty awful person to play against, and for quite a long time has been a major source of guilt on my end.

If that was the only way in which it has manifested, that would be bad enough, but in the last three years it has also prevented me from going out and gaming altogether. As much as I have wanted to get games in, more often than not I have found myself bailing at the last possible minute-- either because I discover that I am missing and/or have neglected to fix certain models (things I could have dealt with the night before, but neglected to do so), or simply because I find I can't even muster the courage to pick up my case and head out the door. Sometimes it is fear over losing my cool again, sometimes it's lingering feelings of guilt over even the most minor things (and this happened a lot during a long period in which I was unemployed), and sometimes it's just an unexplained reluctance to leave the house. As it is, I can count the number of games I've had in the last two or three years on both hands.

I started taking my anxiety seriously last year, and was even taking meds for a brief amount of time. I thought that would make things better, but at a tournie I attended last year, I proved myself wrong when I found myself veering into a panic attack at points. It sucks, because I really want to participate in the hobby, but at the same time, past experience has now made me reluctant to, because I'm afraid of how I'll react.

Does anyone else find that anxiety (and/or something similar) often makes the hobby difficult for them?

Man that really sucks, I feel for you. I know it doesn't help to be told, "it's just a game", I'm sure you're aware of that which makes it even worse. You sound like a good person and it can be hard if you can't control your emotions and feelings sometimes.

Try and remember: You can't calm the storm, so don't bother fighting that. Just calm yourself and the storm will pass. In other words, you can't control external events, you can only control how you react to them. So just know the totally normal feelings of frustration and anxiety will pass. If you're making some unlucky rolls, try and remember the dice aren't rigged against you. It happens to everyone. Calm yourself while the storm goes overhead.

I know it's easier said than done!

Good luck mate.

I would second what DaButcha said with respect to finding people you can game with that you feel comfortable being honest and open with about the issues you are experiencing. If your feelings or anxiety are getting too intense and you need to step away from or even end the game, if they understand your situation, they should be okay with it and supportive of you. As others have mentioned, you will not find this in a competitive environment, and I realize that it’s probably also pretty anxiety inducing to have to explain yourself, but I think finding good folks that you can be honest with to game with is critical.

My experience with anxiety is that it's generally rooted in a search for validation. That can get dangerous with competitive games, because it's easy to find validation in winning and simultaneously invest a lot of self worth in succeeding at a game. That can quickly turn into a fear of losing and... well, it's all a pretty vicious cycle.

I think it really helps to find ways to enjoy losing. Teaching others games you love is one route, as it's one of the few situations where losing brings a lot more sense of accomplishment than winning. I've also found that I like to have a joke army in any game I play seriously. Something where I love the models and the theme, but might be a little more random and less within my control. Armies like that require a bit of letting go to enjoy, and learning to enjoy them can help you find validation from the game itself rather than its outcome.

Finally, I think the main thing to remember is that generally speaking, most people are an anxious mess. We all kind of put on a calm face and pretend to be well put together, but most people are only showing a tenth of who they really are and the rest is often more full of fear and self doubt that we think. This is particularly true of gamers, most of whom are just thrilled to find someone who shares their interests.

So I guess TLDR; work on finding ways to derive your fun from gaming in ways that don't require winning. Connect with your opponents and focus on having another person focused solely on you. Find rules that do fun and memorable things and play to make them happen. Have fun losing and you can make the most out of any situation.

Hey guys and gals, we appreciate that this is a necro thread but it is not topical and lets face it, many wargamers do have an issue with anxiety and as such this is not a topic that goes out of date, as such it doesn't need to be flagged as a necro and if you want to join and relate your experience you are more than welcome to do so.

I missed that it was so old!

My adopted daughter has pretty bad anxiety and is prone to panic attacks. I give her all the emotional support I can, but ultimately all you can do is seek professional help - both medical and psychological.

There are many things that can help, but only a professional can really determine what options are best for you. Just... be aware and properly cautious when it comes to medication. Check ALL the side effects before beginning a new medication. My daughter's first anxiety medication has 'causes panic attacks' as a side effect. Given she was already prone to panic attacks.... oh, boy, was that a rough month until they changed her medication. Don't make our mistake yourself; check side-effects BEFORE starting the medication.

I am a retired mental health professional who used to treat anxiety disorders using cognitive behavioural therapy. Here's a list of self help books that I used to recommend for my clients. As always, if you can, seek professional help.

Overcoming Insomnia and Sleep Problems by Colin A. Espie

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Overcoming-Insomnia-Sleep-Problems-Behavioral/dp/1845290704

Panic Attacks: What they Are, Why They Happen and What You Can Do about Them by Christine Ingham

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Panic-Attacks-What-Happen-About/dp/0007106904/ref=pd_cp_14_3?ie=UTF8&refRID=10M8MQP3KTJ1Q8R3GDNM

Overcoming Depression by Paul Gilbert

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Overcoming-Depression-Cognitive-Behavioural-Techniques/dp/1849010668/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1468424370&sr=1-1&keywords=depression+paul+gilbert

Mindfulness for Beginners: Reclaiming the Present Moment-and Your Life by Jon Kabat-Zinn

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Mindfulness-Beginners-Reclaiming-Present-Moment-/dp/1604076585/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1465379212&sr=8-1&keywords=mindfulness+kabat-zinn

Wherever You Go, There You Are: Mindfulness meditation for everyday life by Jon Kabat-Zinn

https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/0749925485/ref=pd_cp_14_1?ie=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=MHFZME25G4F75GEB72T4

Mindfulness for Health: A practical guide to relieving pain, reducing stress and restoring wellbeing by Vidyamala Burch & Danny Penman

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Mindfulness-Health-practical-relieving-restoring-ebook/dp/B00EOR0OLU

Overcoming Social Anxiety and Shyness by Gillian Butler

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Overcoming-Social-Anxiety-Shyness-Gillian/dp/1849010005

Manage Your Pain: Practical and Positive Ways of Adapting to Chronic Pain by Dr. Michael Nicholas et al.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Manage-Your-Pain-Practical-Positive/dp/0285640488/ref=pd_sim_14_2?ie=UTF8&dpID=413aSPx3kyL&dpSrc=sims&preST=_AC_UL160_SR96%2C160_&refRID=0PAB5Z0QA81JMA44KAYS

Overcoming Chronic Fatigue: A Self-Help Guide Using Cognitive Behavioral Techniques by Mary Burgess & Judy Chalder

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Overcoming-Chronic-Fatigue-Behavioral-Techniques/dp/1459658655/ref=sr_1_5?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1504189970&sr=1-5&keywords=overcoming+chronic+fatigue

Overcoming Anxiety by Helen Kinnerley

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Overcoming-Anxiety-Books-Prescription-Title/dp/1849018782/ref=pd_sim_14_1?ie=UTF8&dpID=41SAZtQwoeL&dpSrc=sims&preST=_AC_UL160_SR106%2C160_&refRID=1G8JCHVE3PS20THS53BK

Overcoming Worry by Kevin Meares & Mark Freeston

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Overcoming-Worry-Mark-Freeston/dp/1845296362

Overcoming Health Anxiety by Rob Wilson & David Veale

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Overcoming-Health-Anxiety-David-Veale/dp/1845298241

The Power of Positive Confrontation: The Skills You Need to Know to Handle Conflicts at Work, at Home, and in Life by Barbara Pachter & Susan McGee

https://www.amazon.co.uk/The-Power-Positive-Confrontation-Conflicts/dp/1569246084

Overcoming Low Self Esteem by Melanie Fennel

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Overcoming-Low-Self-Esteem-Books/dp/1849010684

Overcoming Obsessive Compulsive Disorder by David Veale and Rob Wilson

https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1849010722/ref=pd_lpo_sbs_dp_ss_3?pf_rd_p=569136327&pf_rd_s=lpo-top-stripe&pf_rd_t=201&pf_rd_i=1593853750&pf_rd_m=A3P5ROKL5A1OLE&pf_rd_r=7R26TMT95B7QYQ36M1FA

Get Your Life Back: The Most Effective Therapies For A Better You by Dr. Fiona Kennedy and David Pearson

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Get-Your-Life-Back-Effective/dp/1472137345

Two things which might help you co-operative board games and playing Orks .....Semi-seriously some armies are far more serious than others it's why I don't play true historicals and why I play Skaven. Both should dull down the competitive edge and move more anxiety to the social situation rather than the game. I also make sure to play games I can enjoy losing.