Switch Theme:

Closeted Gamers  [RSS] Share on facebook Share on Twitter Submit to Reddit
»
Author Message
Advert


Forum adverts like this one are shown to any user who is not logged in. Join us by filling out a tiny 3 field form and you will get your own, free, dakka user account which gives a good range of benefits to you:
  • No adverts like this in the forums anymore.
  • Times and dates in your local timezone.
  • Full tracking of what you have read so you can skip to your first unread post, easily see what has changed since you last logged in, and easily see what is new at a glance.
  • Email notifications for threads you want to watch closely.
  • Being a part of the oldest wargaming community on the net.
If you are already a member then feel free to login now.




Made in us
Longtime Dakkanaut





Denison, Iowa

I live in rural Iowa. Low population density and having GW stores few and far between means that miniature gamers are more of a niche' hobby cross section. In the last couple months though, I have learned that one of my customers is into miniature wargames (most WWII stuff), my future brother in law builds miniature dioramas, my wife's cousin (very close to her) loves to paint D&D minis, and a friend found out what I do and said her ex boyfriend used to play.

I'm beginning to wonder how many people are into miniature hobbies that I just don't know about. Are people just that private, or just worried to be labeled a nerd?
   
Made in au
Norn Queen






This has always been my experience. One of my best friends I only found out he played 40k when at school, he pulled out a Catachan army when a teacher asked us to bring in 'toy soldiers' to do a battle re-enactment.

While at work, I was looking at a miniature and my colleague next to me asked over my shoulder '40k?'. It was actually a Malifaux model, but apparent'y he used to play 40k, mostly to paint things, but had fallen out of the hobby. Another person who had left the company was a big Magic player.

Just seems to be a hobby that most people don't talk about unless they know you also play.
   
Made in au
[MOD]
Making Stuff






Under the couch

There's a perception that gamers tend to be a bit secretive about their hobby... and for some it might be true.

On the other hand, how familiar are you with the hobbies of any of your other casual acquaintances?

I don't think it's really a gamer specific thing at all... unless it happens to come up in conversation, most people don't go around talking extensively about their hobbies.

My mother being the exception. She'll tell you all about her hobbies. At length. Over and over again.

 
   
Made in us
Colonel





This Is Where the Fish Lives

I don't necessarily run around telling everyone about my hobbies, but my friends, family, and coworkers know that I build scale models and play tabletop games because I don't hide it.

I don't care about being called a nerd because I'm a grown man that doesn't care what people think him, especially strangers and people I don't care about. Also, I'm a huge nerd.

 d-usa wrote:
"When the Internet sends its people, they're not sending their best. They're not sending you. They're not sending you. They're sending posters that have lots of problems, and they're bringing those problems with us. They're bringing strawmen. They're bringing spam. They're trolls. And some, I assume, are good people."
 
   
Made in au
Dakka Veteran





Sydney, Australia

In high school (only 2-3 years ago cause I'm a young'un) I was pretty vocal with the hobby. Led to a lot of people I knew giving the 'I used to build/paint those when I was a kid' but nothing else came of it. In uni I've met a few people in classes who've played, and it's come up pretty naturally through conversation. I can understand why people would keep quiet about it though, because I copped a lot of abuse over my hobbies by 'friends' in high school which I'd imagine is semi-common

DC:90S++G+++MB+IPvsf17#++D++A+++/mWD409R+++T(Ot)DM+

I mainly play 30k, but am still fairly active with 40k. I play Warcry, Arena Rex, Middle-Earth, Blood Bowl, Batman, Star Wars Legion as well

My plog- https://www.dakkadakka.com/dakkaforum/posts/list/787134.page
My blog- https://fistfulofminiatures.blogspot.com/
My gaming Instagram- https://www.instagram.com/fistfulofminis/ 
   
Made in ca
Fixture of Dakka





West Michigan, deep in Whitebread, USA

I'm basically the only one I know that's into miniatures gaming. I have one buddy that used to be, but now only uses minis for RPG's.

I typically have to collect both sides of a particular game, and then beg someone I know to use one of them to get to play a game.



"By this point I'm convinced 100% that every single race in the 40k universe have somehow tapped into the ork ability to just have their tech work because they think it should."  
   
Made in us
Fiery Bright Wizard





California

I don't really go to any lengths to hide my hobbies. It just never seems to come up in ordinary mundane interactions. I'm not really the type of person to sit there and talk about myself too much. I'm not much of a talker to begin with, it tends to drain my energy after a bit. I took an art class at community college once and drew images of horus heresy marines fighting. Surprisingly another student passing by saw it and knew exactly what it was.

Most of the people I know IRL don't have the attention span to sit there for a 1-2 hour game. At most I got one friend to play through a half match of blood bowl, but we slimmed down the kickoff rules so all the ball did was bounce a bit and the game began. The thing with BB is it's exciting in the same way gambling and risk/reward games are. I got hooked on the ps4 version and played that for hours every night. Tabletop wise i've had more success with X wing because out of the box its basic as hell and streamlined. I did buy SW armada but only played it once. I have the home one, SD and all these models and still have never used them even once.

At a certain point i'm going to have to seriously step away from the hobby. I find it too easy to impulse buy and spend money on it and then never do anything with the stuff. I just see it and obsess and wow that looks cool. I need to spend money on more practical things. I'd get more use out of an expensive whisky or saving for a high res tv.

 
   
Made in us
Fresh-Faced New User




I have a friend who hides it from the ladies in his life. He's afraid that they will run away lIke their hair was on fire. It's an odd view since most of his friends are into nerd hobbies and are married.
   
Made in gb
Ridin' on a Snotling Pump Wagon






I've found a surprising number of people are interested in the hobby. Not necessarily fully fledged hobbyists, but up for reading the fiction and painting the odd model.

   
Made in us
Longtime Dakkanaut






Los Angeles

drakinfar wrote:
I have a friend who hides it from the ladies in his life. He's afraid that they will run away lIke their hair was on fire. It's an odd view since most of his friends are into nerd hobbies and are married.


I knew someone like that. Really passionate about the hobby, but would go out of his way to hide it from any women he dated. Felt bad for him because at times it really seemed to cause him stress about his "secret" getting out.

Not that it means anything as this is just my own limited experience, but the people in my social circle whom were open about their interests with their partners typically had more success in balancing their gaming life with their social life.

Also. age seemed to impact things too. I noticed as my friends and I got older the need to feel any sort of shame or concern about how people perceived our hobby lessened to the point where none of us really care any more.
   
Made in us
Fresh-Faced New User




 DarkTraveler777 wrote:
drakinfar wrote:
I have a friend who hides it from the ladies in his life. He's afraid that they will run away lIke their hair was on fire. It's an odd view since most of his friends are into nerd hobbies and are married.


I knew someone like that. Really passionate about the hobby, but would go out of his way to hide it from any women he dated. Felt bad for him because at times it really seemed to cause him stress about his "secret" getting out.

Not that it means anything as this is just my own limited experience, but the people in my social circle whom were open about their interests with their partners typically had more success in balancing their gaming life with their social life.

Also. age seemed to impact things too. I noticed as my friends and I got older the need to feel any sort of shame or concern about how people perceived our hobby lessened to the point where none of us really care any more.


Oh it has caused stress for him over the years. We are all in our mid to late 30s so I would have thought it would clear up but it hasn't.
Us married advise to keep it open with you SOs since it makes life easier.
   
Made in ca
Longtime Dakkanaut




Building a blood in water scent

 ScootyPuffJunior wrote:


I don't care about being called a nerd because I'm a grown man that doesn't care what people think him, especially strangers and people I don't care about. Also, I'm a huge nerd.


The greatest gift getting older has given me is the gift of not giving a feth. I love what I love and it gives me joy. Why would I hide that?

It also helps that nerdy stuff has been going through a Renaissance over the last decade. When I play Blood Bowl down at the local board game cafe (those didn't exist when I was younger) there are always tables full of kids and young adults playing Catan or Cards Against Humanity or something similar.

We were once so close to heaven, St. Peter came out and gave us medals; declaring us "The nicest of the damned".

“Anti-intellectualism has been a constant thread winding its way through our political and cultural life, nurtured by the false notion that democracy means that 'my ignorance is just as good as your knowledge.'” 
   
Made in gb
Longtime Dakkanaut






Cheltenham, UK

I think insaniak is on the right track, here. We're quick to ask people about what they do for a living, their family and suchlike, but it's rare that we ask acquaintances more deeply about what they're really passionate about.

Sports fans are usually pretty straight about it. Gym bunnies and similar are hard to get to shut up about it. But hardly anyone will tell you about the hours they spent tying a new fly, taking a new pair of carbon fibre knitting needles for a spin, or tracking down a rare coin in a flea market. We understand intuitively that our private passions tend to be niche interests that others are unlikely to share or find interesting.

But in a hobby like ours, we *need* to find others like us in order to enjoy it to the full. With no local shop or club, how do we identify fellow wargamers?

They aren't closeted or private. They're just respectful of other people's perspectives. They need an opening before they are likely to share their passion. So if we want to find our fellow wargamers, we need to provide that opening. The easiest way to do this is with visual clues: wear a pin badge or T-shirt with your army's logo; or have a coffee mug at work with an aquila on it (I don't play 40k, but it has to be said that 40k symbology is most widely recognized); or have a desktop wallpaper of some John Blanche artwork (something SFW is recommended!).

Myself, I wear my hobby on my sleeve. But then, I also do professional design and consulting in the industry, so it's a bit easier to get it into the conversation. Still, I managed to get D&D into a discussion about strategies for responding to employee suggestions the other day.

Despite all this, I am still meeting people from the village where I've lived for seven years who pop out of the woodwork as wargamers: people who have literally lived walking distance from my home for most of the last decade whom I am only just meeting *now* and discovering a shared passion for rolling dice and playing toy soldiers. However, at least I am meeting them. And that's happening through building a social network that knows I, at least, am a gamer. Then, when they encounter another one, they often effect an introduction.

R.

   
Made in gb
Stitch Counter





The North

I've found there's a great stigma attached to the hobby. My old man doesn't accept my choice - he'd rather I be out playing rugby or down the pub more often.

That said, there's a Hobby Pride march being organised for the LGBPM community (Larping, Gaming, kit-Bashing, Painting, Modelling). The only issue is, no one really can agree on the best method of applying the transfers for our logo.

This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2017/06/29 13:20:29


Thousand Sons: 3850pts / Space Marines Deathwatch 5000pts / Dark Eldar Webway Corsairs 2000pts / Scrapheap Challenged Orks 1500pts / Black Death 1500pts

Saga: (Vikings, Normans, Anglo Danes, Irish, Scots, Late Romans, Huns and Anglo Saxons), Lion Rampant, Ronin: (Bushi x2, Sohei), Frostgrave: (Enchanter, Thaumaturge, Illusionist)
 
   
Made in au
Fresh-Faced New User




I've always felt it to be, not exactly taboo, but hobby(40k, old fantasy, Bloodbowl etc) to be frowned upon by my peers. It's a nerdy thing to do, and it always has been, I guess kinda moreso the past few years with less kids/young 'uns wanting to spend their time on hobby, and prefer spending their time playing their fabled vidya gaems. Or sports. One or the other more or less :shrug:

I myself don't bring up the fact that I've been playing 40k for a good portion of my life unless I see them with minatures from 40k, hear someone close to me talking about 40k, or I'm at my local Gee Dubs. I'd rather not call myself a closet-anything, but I guess a closet-hobbyguy I am.
   
Made in us
Longtime Dakkanaut





Myrtle Creek, OR

Go into many people's living rooms or extra room and you'll see sports junk out the wazoo including signed game balls and other sports equipment, pennants, etc.. They'll wear team logos on shirts, hats and put stickers on their cars to loudly call out that they're a fan of this or that team, sport, activity. Other than occasional trash talk about said teams, it's considered cool to have that sort of stuff on display.

Wargaming immediately becomes "oh, D&D. Isn't that Satanic?" in many areas even today. I usually say I play different board games since that's more understandable and even more acceptable nowadays.

Thread Slayer 
   
Made in gb
Stitch Counter





The North

EDIT: Somehow this post ended up in the wrong thread.

Feel free to ignore.

This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2017/06/29 15:19:44


Thousand Sons: 3850pts / Space Marines Deathwatch 5000pts / Dark Eldar Webway Corsairs 2000pts / Scrapheap Challenged Orks 1500pts / Black Death 1500pts

Saga: (Vikings, Normans, Anglo Danes, Irish, Scots, Late Romans, Huns and Anglo Saxons), Lion Rampant, Ronin: (Bushi x2, Sohei), Frostgrave: (Enchanter, Thaumaturge, Illusionist)
 
   
Made in us
Regular Dakkanaut




Denver CO

I don't usually lead with "I play tabletop wargames" when I'm introduced to new people but I don't hide it either. If the conversation goes any deeper then "so, what do you do for work? and How old are your spawn?" and we start talking about our interests I'm open about it. You just never know when you'll run into a fellow gamer. I interned with a guy for months and one Friday i asked him in passing what he was doing for the weekend. he got a little awkward and told me he and his buddies played this game...with figures...and dice and stuff. I smiled and made a guess, we then spend the rest of the day kicking ourselves for not making the connection sooner.

I'm up visiting my parents and some of the guys in my old group came over to play a quick game, my parents has some guests over as well and one of them was very curious about what we were doing. I showed him some figures and a few rule books and he looked bewildered and said "well, everybody has there thing" and left it at that.
   
Made in us
Sinewy Scourge






USA

Some hobbyists are justy concerned with concealing their interests. Your hobbies have an undeniable impact on your social success. I have seen a lot of denial about this in the community. It is socially practical to avoid broadcasting your hobby to the general public.

1) Gaming may be social, but from my own experience, 98% of my hobby is painting/modelling, not playing, and as such, it is mostly a solitary thing.

2) The hobby seems to attact a more than average number of people with poor interpersonal skills, bad social habits/behaviors. It's generally not desirable to associate with such people.

3) The hobby doesn't have any real social cachet like martial arts, hockey, or dancing for example. It does come with baggage, however.

4) The whole exaggerated stereotype of the comic store neck beard, overweight, unkempt, basement dwelling. Most of my gaming friends have been clean young professionals, but thats stereotypes for you.

5) The intensity of your interest can definitely color other people's perception of you/you hobby. For example:

-Spending a huge amount of time on your interest (how many hours did the take you?!?!)
-Spending what seems like an unreasonable amount of money on your interest. (wow, you spend that much?!?!)
-Knowing waaaaay too much about your interest, especially about small details. (Actually it happened before the conclave of Nikaea...)
-Putting aside more important or essential activities to pursue your interest.
-Accomplishing goals that seem pointless for most people. (Yay, i got my 2k list fully painted!)

6) Not living in the real world because of your hobby

40k/AoS are elaborate fictional universes. For some people their mental space can become devoted to the comings and goings of these imaginary worlds. They fall a beat behind how most people act and come across as a little off.

This year is the 20th anniversery of me being in the hobby. The idea of including that i paint miniatures at say, a self introduction at a new job or to a woman Im flirting with makes me cringe.


This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2017/06/29 16:16:29


"drinking liqueur from endangered rain forest flowers cold-distilled over multicolored diamonds while playing croquet on robot elephants using asian swim suit models as living wickets... well, some hobbies are simply more appealing than others." -Sourclams

AesSedai's guide to building a custom glass display case for your figures

Kabal of the Twisting Abyss--Blog Laenea, A Tendril of Hive Fleet Hydra--Blog

Always looking for games in/near Raleigh! 
   
Made in ca
Longtime Dakkanaut




Building a blood in water scent

Interesting to see the range of responses in here. My reactions from others to my hobby since high school (more than 20 years ago now), have ranged from "meh" to "cool!". I've certainly never felt judged or put down because of my hobby.

Caveat: there was one time we were playing at the university club. A group of kids (well, young adult I guess) were walking by and glanced in on us. One of the girls shouted "My wizard casts Fireball!" and they walked off giggling. Jokes's on them though, because we were playing Napoleonics

We were once so close to heaven, St. Peter came out and gave us medals; declaring us "The nicest of the damned".

“Anti-intellectualism has been a constant thread winding its way through our political and cultural life, nurtured by the false notion that democracy means that 'my ignorance is just as good as your knowledge.'” 
   
Made in us
Fixture of Dakka





If hobbies come up, I'll talk about mine. If they don't like it I don't need to talk about their hobbies anymore.

Since I met all the ladies I dated through gaming, obviously there's never been any incentive for me to hide my gaming interest. I can't imagine not letting a woman I'm inviting to share my life know about my hobbies; it seems to me that hiding something from her will just cause major drama down the road.

CHAOS! PANIC! DISORDER!
My job here is done. 
   
Made in gr
Longtime Dakkanaut




Halandri

I used to have a glass fronted cupboard in my old house, where on a couple of the shelves I had arrayed a WHFB Empire army. Just some infantry with various weapons, cav and the galloper gun I used for my cannon/engineer.

I suppose it wasn't a particularly fantasy army, so maybe that took the worst of the stigma away, but when people visited me they always commented on how cool the display was and how impressed they were that I could paint such detailed figures (I'm not even a great or attentive painter)!

   
Made in us
Incorporating Wet-Blending





Houston, TX

AesSedai: That is probably one of the best summaries on my thoughts that I have seen.

There is no way that I would ever lead with miniatures as a hobby and, as a younger man, I would definitely clear out the stuff if I expected a date to be coming back to my place, just as I would any video game junk.

Of course once you have the social bonds, it's not as big a deal. Keeping it from significant others is asking for trouble. Likewise, all my friends know, and many also play with mins/cards/rpgs/whatever. Likewise, conversation with coworkers has revealed a number of fellow nerdists. But I always steer clear of anyone who is overly enthusiastic of hobbies, whether it be sports, gaming, movies, whatever. Except, of course food. People who obsessively prepare good food for others will never be a problem in my book :-)

-James
 
   
Made in gb
Longtime Dakkanaut





The biggest problem for me is not the the stigma associated with "nerds", it's the reality of associating with nerds. Let me give you an example...

A couple of years ago, my girlfriend and I decided to start playing MtG. She absolutely loved the game, and we ended up playing it all the time at home. After a few months, we looked up where our local "official" MtG hangout was, and went to check it out on launch day... Oh my god! The smell of BO was horrendous, it was thick and humid, like walking into someone's old jockstrap. My girlfriend actually said, she thought she was gonna puke. The whole place was just full of young guys screaming at each other (no other girls), and I definitely spotted at least one "honest to goodness" 300lbs neckbeard, scoffing down Doritos with dusty orange fingers.

Needless to say: we didn't "hang out" there. I've stopped by a few times since, just to buy cards (still smells of BO), but my gf flat-out refuses to go anywhere near the place, and I think it might have soured her experience of MtG in general.

I'm not saying that I'm "Mr Cool" (I'm literally wearing Star Wars underpants today), but even I have to draw the line somewhere. I love the games, and I love the miniatures, but sometimes I just really can't abide all the smelly nerds that come along with it. Why can't people wash? And maybe learn to speak without spitting?

I mostly just play at home nowadays, or with people I know. I'm certainly not shy about my hobbies, or people calling me a nerd, but there are plenty of groups where I wouldn't be caught dead, because it's the other people that are embarrassing.

This message was edited 4 times. Last update was at 2017/06/30 01:38:22


 
   
Made in us
Monstrous Master Moulder




Rust belt

I work in a huge office building and never brought up my geek hobbies. Had to stand up in a group of 50+ strangers the other day at work and tell them something they didn't know about me. No I didn't bring up my TT hobbies because didn't want to explain to the group what I was talking about. Thought it would be easier to talk about how I'm an AKC licensed judge, which was bad enough because some people believed I sent dogs to jail. Next time I will bring up I'm a comic book/TT geek
   
Made in gb
Huge Hierodule






Nottingham (yay!)

Visibility without talking extensively is easy:

- put an album on your Facebook titled 'hobbycraft' or 'gaming' and add a photo every month or so of a game or a centrepiece you're proud of

- wear a Chaos star hoody for a sports event

- take a figure case with you to work when you've got a game in the evening

- if you're painting an entry for a contest then bring it in and get a coat done over lunch - the artistic element fascinates a lot of muggles who will generally find it pretty cool that you're entering a painting competition, even if it's just an online thing with no stakes

- read a rulebook or white dwarf on your tablet

- pick up your weekly booster pack on the way to work and open them up at lunch

This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2017/06/30 01:30:50


   
Made in us
Sinewy Scourge






USA

 jmurph wrote:
AesSedai: That is probably one of the best summaries on my thoughts that I have seen.

There is no way that I would ever lead with miniatures as a hobby and, as a younger man, I would definitely clear out the stuff if I expected a date to be coming back to my place, just as I would any video game junk.

Of course once you have the social bonds, it's not as big a deal. Keeping it from significant others is asking for trouble. Likewise, all my friends know, and many also play with mins/cards/rpgs/whatever. Likewise, conversation with coworkers has revealed a number of fellow nerdists. But I always steer clear of anyone who is overly enthusiastic of hobbies, whether it be sports, gaming, movies, whatever. Except, of course food. People who obsessively prepare good food for others will never be a problem in my book :-)


Absolutely agree with your thoughts on the matter as well. However, I will say this about people who "obsessively prepare good food for others": you have to question to motivation behind it. Case in point, meat hipsters--those who ritualize charcuterie, butchery, back-to-the-land farming and the myth of the pastoral agrarian paradise. They take classes in how to cut up whole hogs, composting and permaculture. I went through it with vegans, later with raw food enthusists, my brother couldn't make a meal unless it was sous vide and worthy of a blog post. These people are super annoying.

"drinking liqueur from endangered rain forest flowers cold-distilled over multicolored diamonds while playing croquet on robot elephants using asian swim suit models as living wickets... well, some hobbies are simply more appealing than others." -Sourclams

AesSedai's guide to building a custom glass display case for your figures

Kabal of the Twisting Abyss--Blog Laenea, A Tendril of Hive Fleet Hydra--Blog

Always looking for games in/near Raleigh! 
   
Made in us
Douglas Bader






Why yes, I do know some closeted gamers...

Ahem, I mean, why would you hide something as uninteresting as a gaming hobby? It's part of who I am, and I'm not terribly interested in associating with the kind of judgmental who is going to cause a problem because someone has a hobby they aren't interested in. The whole "nerds are shunned" thing is pretty overstated once you're an adult. Video games are universal, comic book movies and GoT are setting new records with every release, etc. As long as you can act like a reasonable adult in general nobody worth associating with is going to care if you happen to mention playing a miniatures game.

OP, I suspect that the reason you hadn't seen these people is that everyone made the same assumption that you did: that it's a niche hobby that nobody in the area cares about, so why bother talking about it.

There is no such thing as a hobby without politics. "Leave politics at the door" is itself a political statement, an endorsement of the status quo and an attempt to silence dissenting voices. 
   
Made in us
Dangerous Outrider





Seattle,WA

 Chute82 wrote:
...how I'm an AKC licensed judge, which was bad enough because some people believed I sent dogs to jail....


This is hilarious!!!

My wife is a psychotherapist. I tell people she can bend spoons with her mind.

I'm a closet gamer. More so when I work in industries that its seen as a stigma. And I also don't like boring people talking about something they're not interested in

This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2017/06/30 17:40:10


 
   
Made in us
Incorporating Wet-Blending





Houston, TX

What industries would it be a stigma in?

-James
 
   
 
Forum Index » Dakka Discussions
Go to: