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Would you ever consider getting back together with an ex? Or for the most part, is the past in the past and there's no such thing as second chances or reconciliation?
I'm in a personal predicament, but I'd like to open up a discussion as well, on what people would typically do when it comes to this. If you do believe that getting back together with an ex is fine, then my next question would be how you would go about it?

I did once, and it went fine for another year or so (not necessarily related to being broken up, this was in my late teens). There's a reason you started dating someone and usually a reason they became an ex. Maybe you get can both get over it and have lifetime partner, it'll depend on too many things.

I'd be wary though and ask yourself why you're wanting to do it. Then if you've convinced yourself, go for it. Lifes too short for what ifs.

Depends on the circumstances and WHT the break up happened. It's easy to fall into a trap where because you are single now you start 'pining' for what you had and blank out the reasons for the split.

If you split up because towards the end of the relationship you were permanently arguing then I'd suggest no and find someone else. It likely means there was a personality clash and that isn't going to go away.

If you split up because one of you got drunk and then slept with someone else then it depends on whether the other party can trust the other afterwards. If the fear that it could happen again cannot be shaken then there will always be an element of mistrust and then the relationship won't work.

If you acted like an ass, for example blowing up because they spent some of their money on something you didn't agree with and you recognise that and are willing to try and amend your ways then possibly. If it is vice versa is it likely the ex will recognise what they did wrong?

However generally I would say no, you split up for a reason and you are likely missing parts of that relationship. Best to learn and move on especially as it doesn't appear they have approached you.

No mercy, no forgiveness. Only eternal spite and hate. You must hate with the purest of hates, burn the past and let the screams of the dying be the choir of your righteousness.

But seriously, it depends on the reason why you broke up in the first place. And that's way too open-ended a question for you to get anything resembling a useful answer with so little information given.

Agree, depends. I had a serious girlfriend who strung me along for months, whilst seeing someone else, so "No mercy, no forgiveness. Only eternal spite and hate. You must hate with the purest of hates, burn the past and let the screams of the dying be the choir of your righteousness" is pretty accurate.

At about the same period one of my best friends split up with his girlfriend as they were at opposite ends of the country, one doing a Phd and the other their Chartered Accountant exams; too much stress and long distance. Six months later they quietly got back together and are now happily married with two kids.

My parents separated 25 years ago, divorced about 20 years ago and remarried 2 years ago.

Don’t bother. If it ended, it was probably for a good reason. It’s not worth reengaging relationships with people who cheat, lie or with whom you are incompatible on some level. Which covers my past relationships.

It depends on you and your ex. I met my wife, we dated for five years, split for one, got back together and three years later got married. We have now been married seven years.

Listen to your gut and not your baby-maker. If your gut says it's wrong, then it's wrong. Your baby-maker is an idiot and should never be trusted to make decisions

I personally do not, but that is a personal choice and may not be right for everyone.

Kind of impossible to answer without knowing more. Generally speaking, I would say once a relationship is over, it's over; but it's not a hard and fast rule and I think there could definitely be exceptions.

Everyone has their own personal third rail for what will be a fatal wound for a relationship.

Reconciliation requires an understanding of what went wrong.

If one party does something pretty messed up, they need to understand WHY what they did was wrong and legitimately want to be better so as to not do it again.

If they don't understand why you can be sure that at some point down the road they will act in the same way and do the same kinds of things again.

If they legit regret their actions and you can trust them to not hurt you again reconciliation is absolutely possible. Without it you are setting yourself up to have history repeat itself.

Every situation would be different. Many people do get back together. Sometimes people who got divorced end up remarrying and being happy for the rest of their lives. Not often, but it can happen.

Really its only something the two involved can make the call on.

Nope. I'm willing to compromise on almost anything I can to keep a relationship working, but when the relationship goes, it goes. At that point, I typically make a pass at her friends and burn that bridge so hard you could see the flames from orbit.

Life's too short.

The things that were good in the relationship before - just do those things. Everything else - don't repeat it. If you can't do that there is no point. People don't really change much.

 Xenomancers wrote:
People don't really change much.

Lazy people don't change. I know quite a few people, myself included, who put in a lot of hard work and brutally honest self examination to become better people.

 feeder wrote:

 Xenomancers wrote:
People don't really change much.

Lazy people don't change. I know quite a few people, myself included, who put in a lot of hard work and brutally honest self examination to become better people.

Yup. A lot of people tell themselves they are good people. Or at least they are good enough. They dont change because they cant see fault in themselves.

But others do a lot of self examination. Its a process. A constant difficult one. But allows for much personal growth.

 feeder wrote:

 Xenomancers wrote:
People don't really change much.

Lazy people don't change. I know quite a few people, myself included, who put in a lot of hard work and brutally honest self examination to become better people.

I'm sure the same things that used to annoy you - still annoy you. Those kinds of things don't change. It's little things like that - that kill relationships.

My thought is the break up happened for a reason. Incompatibility is incompatibility, time and desire for the opposite don't change this.

I've had a couple ex's. One was a fiancé that went into the Marines (Marine Band that is). She cheated on me while in the service and left me for the other guy. She then came crawling back to me begging for forgiveness after the new guy wasn't all he was cracked up to be. Like a fool I took her back. 3 months later she did it again. After the breakup she turned all our common friends against me. Apparently I was the bad guy because I "didn't understand what she was going through". She also didn't like that I put on 20 pounds. She eventually got a dishonorable discharge for sleeping with a married superior. This one I would NEVER take back.

My rebound girlfriend (if I had remained single) would definitely be on the table. We met in college and only broke up because she transferred to another college hundreds of miles away.

After my parents had been together for about six months they had a big fight and broke up. My Dad even got revenge by driving around picking up all the home open signs for some other house and replanting them so they redirected to my mum's parent's house, so at 10am all these people started knocking on the door asking to be let in. Then about a month later they got back together, and forty five years later they're easily the happiest couple I know. It took about twenty years for my Dad to own up to home open signs.

Then I've got friends who've broken up, gotten back together and then played out the exact same relationship with the same result. Which I think is probably a lot more common than the story about my parent's. Sometimes a couple needs time apart and a chance to put a problem in context, but most times they break up because a problem became unbearable, and it is something that will only become unbearable again the next time.

But thing is, I've also got friends who've broken up, then gotten in to new relationships, only for those relationships to play out that exact same pattern as well. So it isn't just about the person you're in a relationship with, it's also about you. This doesn't mean people should take personal responsibility for a break up, but it does mean there is more to look at than just the other person. What did you do that led to the break up, and is it something you honestly believe you will do differently next time?