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Iam having real trouble holding my tongue at work. I’ve started muttering and cursing at my situation. Iam coming very close to saying the wrong thing in the wrong context. Things feel incredibly stressful at work right now. Work just seems to be piling up. there’s always urgent deadlines of under a month and Iam constantly being distracted by odd jobs when I want to focus on one job at a time. The office has set hours and is closed on weekends so I can’t work around this. Basically I feel frustrated that Iam earnestly trying to work as hard as I can to get the work done and Oam putting up with constant problems. It’s hard not to react like that if you are invested in the work.

You need to have a sit down, 1-on-1 with your boss and have him help you prioritize the work load.

Learn to say, "Yes, and where does this fit in the queue compared to X, Y, and Z? Which is your highest priority for me to finish? " when people approach you with new workload.

Secondly, learn to delegate and partner with your peers. You do not have to do all the work, they can do some parts while you do others. Offer to help them on something in exchange for them doing some part of the job you dislike or struggle at.

This will help reduce your work load and stress.

Also, you might want to have this moved to Off Topic.

If speaking to a professional is an option, I’d suggest it. While you’ll find good intentions here, *hopefully*, there is no substitute for professional council.

If that isn’t an option, someone more familiar with your situation is likely to give better advise. I work at a small company with only 10 people. I can speak with the owner directly any time I want, and he’s a pretty understanding guy.

That may not be an option for you. This anger may be lack of patience (no insult or malice intended, coming from a well meaning place) that may be exacerbated by things not going well in other places in your life.

If I’m physically tired, frustration leads me to become angry quickly.


So... without your life story, it’s hard to guess the root cause of the anger, much less how to attempt to determine strategies for coping / resolving those issues.

Talk to a professional. In the past I needed someone to tell me it was ok to do that. In my case, I felt I needed my wife’s blessing and encouragement to do so. Which I am grateful that she understood and did so. If you need to hear it from an outside source, this is it. Seek outside help. If you could do it on your own, you’d have done so. You have permission, encouragement, even a demand if that’s helpful that you speak with a professional about this.

(From an honest and well-meaning place, speaking to a professional saved my life.)

I fully agree you need to sit down with your superior and have a talk with them. If its a bigger firm then you might have a direct line manager to speak too or even someone from human resources if its really bad; if its a smaller place then it might well be your overall boss.

No matter the workload you only have x number of hours to work and can only achieve so much in that time frame and if your workload is too great then you've got to talk to them about it. You need to get a clear idea from them what is important and what isn't and also get a clear work schedule from them and get a list of the key tasks. This can help you prioritize what is and isn't important.

You might also make a note of all the types of odd-jobs that interrupt and suggest that either these odd jobs are done by someone else with more free time/less workload or that there is a dedicated time slot each week/period for those to be attended to that is for them alone so that they are not appearing all the time randomly.


Your boss can also consider splitting up those tasks, and others, between the work team; not just yourself. Letting the workload spread out; even if its just to shift the smaller jobs around to different people through the week to attend to them in a small time slot.


Stress is important to keep a handle on and you've got to be clear that you are being stressed out and that it is impacting your performance and your interaction with the rest of your work team (if you're getting to muttering and nearly exploding on people then that isn't good!).


It might also be important to talk about the standard of work; sometimes you can be very dedicated but be aiming to achieve a level of quality that is desirable, but not essential for the practicalities of the work situation. This is NOT about cutting corners, but being realistic and practical with what is required to get the job done within the constraints of time.




Also see if you've got any holiday time, you might just be burning out and in need of a short brake to recharge yourself and get your head clear away from the office. Many people won't answer emails or phone calls whilst on holiday for that very reason - a total lock out so that they can focus on life and themselves and family and not work.




Automatically Appended Next Post:

 greatbigtree wrote:
If speaking to a professional is an option, I’d suggest it. While you’ll find good intentions here, *hopefully*, there is no substitute for professional council.

+1 to this.

Remember your company (if its large enough) your doctor and even many self-help and other such groups can be valuable contact points for talking to professionals about stress and such. Work might not even be the issue, its just where its coming out and the actual cause and pressure could be elsewhere in life. It could even be linked to diet, sleep patters and SADS (winter lack of sunlight) or those things could be contributing to making things worse.

Well, as a man I deal with anger the same way I deal with the rest of my feeelings, compress it not a tiny ball, repressive my bury it deep inside and refuse to acknowledge it.

On a more serious note it sounds like you’re dealing with a common problem of an employer trying to get by with less employees than they really need because they want to eke out maximum productivity from the staff they have before they spend money on new hires or their margins are too slim for them to afford new Star but they still want to take on more work. It sucks Ive been in similar situations at work myself. Ultimately you need to decide if you can change your attitude and approach to the work or if you need t find a new job. I realize that may not sound terribly helpful or optimistic but waiting for your job to change on it’s own is just going to leave you with dashed hopes and bitter feelings.

I practice not caring about the world and not feeling anger as much as possible. I know it sounds strange and/or dumb but I am getting better at it.

There are a couple other options.

It's possible that the problem is less your work, and more you just needing some way to work out your anger. Some gym time might work wonders. Another possibility is taking up some form of martial art, boxing, fencing, or even LARP. Sometimes the best way to work off anger is just to beat the living daylights out of something/someone, ideally in a safe and controlled environment.

There have been several comments about contacting supervisors and getting their input on prioritizing and scheduling work. Of course, we all know not all supervisors are intelligent or reasonable enough to realize that not everything can be done RIGHT NOW! If this describes your situation, sometimes the best thing to do is get out.

Indeed, if you've gone this far the odds are your bosses have noticed your grumbling... and disapprove. Finding a new job before they finish the paperwork to fire you for 'having a negative attitude' and 'not being a team player' could well be your best bet at this point.

How I deal with anger? Usually by becoming aggressive and attacking the offending party. I have issues with aggression. Luckily I almost never get angry anymore, it used to be much worse in the past.

I have become really good at just taking a deep breath and putting stuff into perspective. I have had a lot of therapy to help me deal with that (if you often have anger issues, it really helps).
The trick with stress is to not let it get to your head. You need to just take a deep breath and realise that getting angry or irritated at someone just isn't going to solve anything and in fact will only make matters worse. Those other people are just trying to get by as well, and it will distract from things you actually want to do. Just stay calm and keep working one thing at a time at a steady pace. If you have too much work and can't finish everything in time, so be it. As long as you did your best, you should be at peace with the consequences, since you did everything you could reasonably have done without almost literally working yourself to death. If your boss/manager or whatever is a reasonable person and you can show to them that the deadlines were too tight for the amount of work and no reasonable person could have finished it in time, he/she will probably agree with you. Sometimes there is just too much work. If they do not see it this way, you might be better off finding a different job because in the long term that is probably going to make you happier.

Also, ensure that you have a proper oversight of all the work and deadlines, your priorisation is in order and that you have a realistic planning. If you think that any of those things may not be in order, do not be afraid to ask for help. If you have a good planning and it shows that you won't be able to finish all of your work prior to the deadline, don't hesitate to contact your boss/manager to ask what is to be done about that.

Finally, with anger, if your anger also tends to come out as aggression, you should have a target you can let it out on. in my case it really helps to have a punching bag or something else that is not a person to take out the aggression on, or to go running or cycling if possible.

Find a small child to dropkick out a window of a skyscraper, very satisfying release of anger.

 Rolsheen wrote:
Find a small child to dropkick out a window of a skyscraper, very satisfying release of anger.

Even as a joke that is disturbing.

 Iron_Captain wrote:

 Rolsheen wrote:
Find a small child to dropkick out a window of a skyscraper, very satisfying release of anger.

Even as a joke that is disturbing.

I must be really messed up, that didn't even move the needle for me.

First steps I'd suggest is to take ten seconds to ten minutes, however much time you need, and just try focusing on something simple like your breathing, the clouds outside if you have a window, or the faux wood grain on your desk whenever you feel like blowing up. You might also try looking up mindfulness techniques or apps if you are so inclined. Once you've given yourself a breather take a look at your thoughts and try to figure out what's making you angry. Is it a person yelling at you for not getting something done or is it frustration over mounting work and deadlines? Try to examine them and figure out what is making you angry in the situation. Done just limit it to stressors at work either.

As an example, you might find the issue to not necessarily the current work issues but the fact that they are making you feel like you are doing badly so you feel like you will loose your job and if that happens you'll end up dead in a ditch like Edgar Allen Poe. It might sound silly but catastrophizing can quickly cause your train of thoughts to run out of control. Realistically, you might do a bad job and maybe get a write up or bad review but you still will have an opportunity to ask for advice on how to improve. Even if you do get fired, it is unlikely that you will never be able to find another job.

Next I would see if there are any anger support groups in your area. These can help short term while you look for a therapist and can supplement it the long term. Obviously I agree with others that suggested seeing a therapist. If you are on the fence about this then ask your doctor about it. Chances are they will think it is a good idea. Where I live, doctors are actually required see a therapist a certain number of times per year and all the ones I have spoken with believe that it is good for them. Any thoughts or feelings that are causing you any trouble in your daily life is a good reason to see a therapist.

Depending on your work place, I might suggest finding a therapist before talking with a boss. Trying to assess priorities and seeing if you can get some help on a particular project might work with some supervisors but I think we all can agree that there are those not worth your pocket lint. I know that I recently had a boss that seriously affected my mental health.

One thing that's helped me over the years was when a therapist challenged some toxic thinking of mine years ago and it stuck with me. I was depressed, angry, feeling powerless, and cheated. My thoughts were being poisoned with this background noise that the universe owed me for treating me like gak. She brought that idea out into the forefront and asked me if that didn't sound a little narcissistic to me. Now I'm not pulling one of those "suck it up buttercup" speaches that seem to be popular with edgy people (I don't think they realize how quickly life can turn on them and go spiraling down in flames). It's simply that you need to focus on your well being by looking at your life and trying to see what might need to be changed and not sitting around hoping to catch a break. You might find you have to change your career in order to pursue something you find much more rewarding or less stressful. I have one friend who is looking to walk away from his MSW because his job of working with abused kids has become too much and because he can't speak out about the horrific conditions these kids face while he is part of that system. I had another friend who lost everything to MS and now focuses on her health and whatever she can do in her limited capacity to help out the MS Society. Figuring out what you might find rewarding will definitely help with your anger.

Hopefully this helps.

I breathe.

That's all. In and out.
Breathe in. Breathe out. Just let the b******* of the world leave my body and let me go to my "happy place". Getting angry about it doesn't change anything.

I ask where it fits in with the nine other "urgent" jobs (i.e. how soon is the courier coming?) and then just get on with it. I worked in logistics for the state govt supply company and it wasn't unusual for me to have to deal with up to 15 of these crises in a day - in addition to my usual workload.

I'm also 'old' (almost 50) but I've never really got that angry - Patience isn't something I've had to cultivate. I just stopped letting stuff that that get to me.

Talk to your GP.

I’ve just this week returned to work, following three months off with stress and clinical depression. Whilst this of course not a diagnosis, what you’ve described rings a few bells with me.

There is support out there, and it does help.

I worked at a place some years ago that,that happened to me as well. It sucked and I let it get to me and too late I tried to fix it. I became very and angry and would do what you said you try to hold back, I'd just lash out and start swearing and yelling. That's not where you want to let things get to.

I ended up leaving the company personally but I also didn'tgive my self the chance to try and better my situation. I'm worth the guys that are suggesting you speak to someone above you as calmly as possible and just let them know the work load is taking its toll and wearing you down in a very negative way and that you need help.

Totalwar1402 wrote:Iam having real trouble holding my tongue at work. I’ve started muttering and cursing at my situation. Iam coming very close to saying the wrong thing in the wrong context. Things feel incredibly stressful at work right now. Work just seems to be piling up. there’s always urgent deadlines of under a month and Iam constantly being distracted by odd jobs when I want to focus on one job at a time. The office has set hours and is closed on weekends so I can’t work around this. Basically I feel frustrated that Iam earnestly trying to work as hard as I can to get the work done and Oam putting up with constant problems. It’s hard not to react like that if you are invested in the work.

Therapy, talk to a professional. Even if you quit your job, you'll still need to deal with the anger. And it sounds like it's about to erupt, deal with it before you unleash it at somebody who doesn't deserve it.

NinthMusketeer wrote:I practice not caring about the world and not feeling anger as much as possible. I know it sounds strange and/or dumb but I am getting better at it.

Apathy is not a good road to travel. You're not dealing with the emotions, you're just smothering them. I know.

 Totalwar1402 wrote:
Iam having real trouble holding my tongue at work. I’ve started muttering and cursing at my situation. Iam coming very close to saying the wrong thing in the wrong context. Things feel incredibly stressful at work right now. Work just seems to be piling up. there’s always urgent deadlines of under a month and Iam constantly being distracted by odd jobs when I want to focus on one job at a time. The office has set hours and is closed on weekends so I can’t work around this. Basically I feel frustrated that Iam earnestly trying to work as hard as I can to get the work done and Oam putting up with constant problems. It’s hard not to react like that if you are invested in the work.

Had a similar situation a few years back before I swapped jobs. Actually snapped during an argument with the CEO at one point because he was asking me to approve of doing a six month project in three, while supporting the rest of the business as usual. By the end, six months passed before the customer was ready, I'd worked myself into a hole in the ground and made a sub optimal solution that technically worked.

Until the first reorg which entirely broke my assumptions.

At that point a bit of fatalism came over and gave me some good advice. Sit down and figure out what of this cavalcade of stupidity I can do, what of it most needs to be done, organize my priorities, make a note of them priorities and impossibilities and hand them over to management with my recommendations. If they wanted something different, they were to tell me and I'd register with them what would be pushed off and how long to make that work. From there it was a matter of planning out my days and getting things done without wasting time on being upset that they mindlessly wanted whatever shiny thing came up, they were told the price of the shiny thing and they accepted, and they paid me for my time.

By the time I was done I had minimized the amount of anger due to things out of my control by foisting them off on the people who supposedly were managing things. It gave me a clear work path for a given day at least 75% of the time which was a massive improvement. If some little thing showed up after noon and wasn't a 'the business will fail' level crisis it waited until the next morning, you'd be surprised how much more organized people can be when faced with lead times.

It sounds like you've got timelines and priorities that are about on the same scale, if you can foist the priority management off onto management and push the decisions on focus and causing delays onto their lap it may help with your frustration. When they ask for 'new priority y' remind them they're delaying 'current priority x' by the duration of the request. Overall it added a couple hours of overhead in planning to my week when I finished projects, but I was less miserable so I was more productive.

But frankly, in the end the best thing I did about that job was leave it for someplace else. I'm now less a lynch pin in the organization, more of a cog, but I'm a cog who can take time off and has a reasonably predictable schedule. I'm also making more. It was a no brainer when it came up.

Also, keep in mind any other stressors, I left a few online communities that were devouring my life and patience and found myself a lot happier.

Talk to your boss about it.

Seriously. I've managed over 200 people in my career. They do want to know what's causing you pain and find ways to make it better. Usually it's a lot cheaper to change whatever the problem is than to hire someone new.

And don't go in threatening to quit. Just say these things are making it hard to do your job and you can use some relief.

 techsoldaten wrote:
And don't go in threatening to quit. Just say these things are making it hard to do your job and you can use some relief.

Should probably stress I didn't do this, I found a position and gave notice after a number of years working on improving relations with management. When that broke down completely and they started using talk about how badly the company was doing to keep me at work more and more often I used a week of vacation that was going to expire and did some job hunting.

If your company actually responds well to better managing you it could work out, it didn't for me, but it could and I know quite well they'd rather have kept me, but I could no longer stand working there.

I'd listen to some Radiohead. Just remember "the best you can is good enough"

Seriously though - Talk to your boss and let them know distractions aren't helping you one bit. Tell them to trust in your ability to prioritize your work and you are at the limit of your abilities. When I am feeling stressed or angry I put on headphones - it is very focusing and the rhythm makes you feel like you are getting a lot done and coincidentally it will increase your production and calm you at the same time. If it ever feels like you can't take it anymore and you are about to boil over - take a break.

 Totalwar1402 wrote:
Iam having real trouble holding my tongue at work. I’ve started muttering and cursing at my situation. Iam coming very close to saying the wrong thing in the wrong context. Things feel incredibly stressful at work right now. Work just seems to be piling up. there’s always urgent deadlines of under a month and Iam constantly being distracted by odd jobs when I want to focus on one job at a time. The office has set hours and is closed on weekends so I can’t work around this. Basically I feel frustrated that Iam earnestly trying to work as hard as I can to get the work done and Oam putting up with constant problems. It’s hard not to react like that if you are invested in the work.

I used to have anger issues. I fought every battle I was in. My Dad told me over and over again to 'pick my battles'. Some were worth fighting, some weren't. And I was never going to win them all anyway. It took me a long time to learn that. Another lesson my mom taught me was to always smile, which is even harder to do.

Try to treat it like a game, because it really is.

In the short term a lot of advice given above is good. Long term, save your money so you have F-U money. F-U money is being able to tell your boss I am not doing this and leaving. It also eases the stress knowing you have other options as opposed to being stressed. Knowing that you could leave at anytime by your own choice does a lot for the mind, rather than living paycheck to paycheck. It also helps if you should get laid off too. So there is another reason to save.

I've been in IT for a long time. The last team I was on got ridiculously stressful when it didn't need to be. I was losing sleep, arguing with management, and having to deal with being told that you have to work over the weekend at 4pm on a Friday, for no fault of your own. It got to a point where either I moved to another position in the company or I would probably lose it and get fired from the one I had. I got picked up by another team.

Years later I kid you not, all the former management that I clashed with all got laid off, and the team stripped. And I couldn't be happier where I am. So maybe see if there is another job you can do if you like the company.

I don’t control my anger. At all. It controls me. Probably my single worse character trait; a viciously short temper and a streak of grudge bearing vindictiveness a mile long.

In Programming there's this great phrase that gets thrown around: 'Change your workplace or Change your workplace'

The gist of it is that you should sit down and decide what it would take to change the aspects of your job that are making you miserable. It might be a sitdown with your boss, a confrontation with a coworker, or just getting a company policy changed. You should then explore if the problem can be addressed within the company (change your workplace). This isn't always possible - sometimes the coworker is a jerk and sometimes the boss doesn't want to upset what is to them a perfectly acceptable working arrangement. If you are unable to change the workplace you are at, then step two is to change which workplace you work at. Get on Hired.com or Monster and see what other opportunities are out there - consider if you'd be willing to move or what kind of job you'd be wiling to work at for a better working environment. Then take the oppurtunities that arrive.

Chai tea, tai chi, and cannabis, which i just learned is called " dagga " in Africa and is now legal there as of yesterday !

I have found from conflict resolution that " I feel " statements help express oneself.

For example, you might want to tell your co-worker that " i feel there is a lot of work and things are piling up " or " i feel overwhelmed when i don't get help on a certain issue "

It's also useful to ask how other people think of things as it empowers them by expressing their opinion ... " how do you feel if i took a break " etc.

Hope that helps, and wishing you the very best from a friendly Canadian !

Got to vent some anger today. Once again my granny’s bins weren’t collected, so I got on the phone to chew out my old boss and then his lackey in person. These bastards made my life hell when I worked at the council, so it’s always very therapeutic to turn it around on them and figuratively beat them over the head with their own incompetence. The lackey used to passively aggressively bully me, making little comments, trying to goad me into a reaction. Now, he’s got to visibly squirm and flinch as I aggressively berate and insult him to his face. It might be petty and immature, but what goes around comes around, and I’m a firm believer in dishing out pay back. Treat people exactly how they treat you.

At what point does it stop, though? What if two people meet and there's an accidental or unavoidable unpleasantry? At what point is the vengeance satiated?

Don't get me wrong, I hate two people on this planet. I will celebrate their departure from this life. But I don't hold the hate. I let it alone. It flares from time to time, but I do my best to move on.

And try to give someone another chance, once in a while. Break the cycle. Truthfully hate poisons you. Like booze, or cigarettes, sometimes it's fun to indulge, but don't make a permanent habit of it.