The Night Before 986996.M41 (Dakka Christmas thread)

Forum adverts like this one are shown to any user who is not logged in. Join us by filling out a tiny 3 field form and you will get your own, free, dakka user account which gives a good range of benefits to you:

No adverts like this in the forums anymore.
Times and dates in your local timezone.
Full tracking of what you have read so you can skip to your first unread post, easily see what has changed since you last logged in, and easily see what is new at a glance.
Email notifications for threads you want to watch closely.
Being a part of the oldest wargaming community on the net.

If you are already a member then feel free to login now.

**Kid_Kyoto**

The night grow longer and colder, the leaves fall, the geese wisely flee for southern climes...

Which means it's time to gather round the flamer boys for our annual reading of...

The Night Before 986996.M41

by Patrick Marstall (MarstallP@bah.com)

'Twas the night before 986996.M41, and all through the station
All there was clear, there was no abomination.

My helmet was set on the desk to my right,
On the chance that I was to need it that night.

The guardsmen were ensconced, asleep in their beds,
All the tanks too were safe, secure in the sheds.

Marines in the barracks, some manning the wall,
Assured me that the bastion never would fall.

When out in the yard there arose such discord
I grabbed up my bolter and unsheathed my sword.

Away to the window, I ran to take aim
As the marines around me all did the same.

My bionic eye turned the night into day
Allowed me to see, and to seek out my prey.

When what did my loyalist ocular show,
But an ancient conveyance, knee-deep in the snow.

The vehicle was pulled by horned quadrupeds
And a fiery red nimbus glowed from the sled.

The driver was mighty, his eyes full of scorn,
Dressed all in crimson like a servant of Khorne.

I gestured for other to shoot without pause,
For I was now certain this was Santa Claus.

"Fire Marines! Fire Guardsmen! Fire Ogryn and Ratlings!
Fire bolters! Fire lasguns! Fire mortars and gatlings!"

"You in the courtyard and you men on the walls!
Now blast away! Blast away! Blast away all!"

But all through this maelstrom the evil one flew,
Past plasma and bolt shells and frag that we threw!

And then, to my horror, I heard on the roof
The vile cavorting of each decadent hoof.

Screaming my orders, I spun quickly around,
As down the chimney shaft it came with a bound.

I saw its eyes glow, its vast stomach gurgle,
Bloated and fat, like a deamon of Nurgle.

Blinded by anger, I attacked with a scream -
Charged into battle with my brave space marines.

As we thundered towards him, closing the rift,
He reached in his satchel and pulled out a gift.

Then it tossed the vile boxes - I fell in a stoop,
As they arced through the air at me and my troops.

The wrapped missiles fell short, and plopped at our feet,
Our morale was quite strong, we did not retreat.

But the marines paused - our charge was disrupted,
They picked up the gifts and were quickly corrupted.

For each box contained a chaotic present -
The marines (damn their souls), found them quite pleasant.

A bolter, a flamer, a new power fist,
The Claus gave to all, and he checked off a list.

It moved through the station and left in its wake,
The sound of bright laughter and the stench of fruitcake.

The others succumbed, but it failed in its goal,
For to me it gave only a small pile of coal.

The station was lost, I could only instruct
The bastion computer to set self-destruct.

I failed to kill him, for I saw as I fled,
The target escaping, quite safe in his sled.

I heard it cry out as the base burst into light,
"Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!"

**H.B.M.C.**

Let's just get this out of the way:

**greatbigtree**

Thanks Kyoto.

Being 1/8 Finnish, I sometimes think how cool it would be to play Viking marines. And then someone puts up a picture of that. And I think, "Why GW? It is quite clear that someone was being sarcastic, and yet, you made it anyway."

**AndrewGPaul**

<pedant>986996.M41 is half nine at night on the 29th of December. It should be 986980</pedant>

It’s that sort of lazy writing that just spoils the setting for me.

**Kid_Kyoto**

I see GW has chosen their ground in the War on Christmas.

**Kid_Kyoto**

Something I threw together for the Adeptus Arbites group.

**Easy E**

..... this really makes me want to read the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike again....

Is it still banned?

**H.B.M.C.**

Oh I haven't thought about that joke in years.

I love that joke!

**Kid_Kyoto**

Go for it, 80% of the folks here have no idea what it is!

**master of ordinance**

Ahh, the Dakka tradition continues.

**Easy E**

Kid_Kyoto wrote:
Go for it, 80% of the folks here have no idea what it is!

I actual do not have the text anymore..... I should google it......

**FabricatorGeneralMike**

Easy E wrote:
..... this really makes me want to read the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike again....

Is it still banned?

Ask and yea shall receive.....http://www.40konline.com/index.php?topic=13325.0

**Kid_Kyoto**

And for the lazy...

The Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White Bike

There once was this Black and White Space Marine on a Black and White bike and being the hero type person he was, wanted to marry the commander's daughter. So he went up to the palace and the guard naturally enquired "Who goes there?", to which he replied
"I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike and I want to marry the commander's daughter".
"Not the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike?"
"Yes, the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike"
"OK, pass"
So the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike proceeded up to the commander's chamber.
"Who goes there?" Asked the commander.
"I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike and I want to marry your daughter" Replied the Black and White Space Marine.
"Not the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike?"
"Yes, the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike"
"OK, if you complete three tasks, you may take my daughter's hand in marriage" The commander told the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike. "Your first task is to slay the dragon on Xylon III".
On his way out the guard once again asked "Who goes there?", to which he replied
"I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike and I want to marry the commander's daughter".
"Not the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike?"
"Yes, the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike"
"OK, pass"

The Black and White Space Marine then proceeded with ease to kill the dragon and six months later returned with the head of the foul beast.
On his way into the palace the guard enquired "who goes there?", to which he replied
"I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike and I want to marry the commander's daughter".
"Not the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike?"
"Yes, the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike"
"OK, pass"
So the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike proceeded up to the commander's chamber.
"Who goes there?" Asked the commander.
"I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike and I want to marry your daughter" Replied the Black and White Space Marine.
"Not the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike?"
"Yes, the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike"
"OK, if you complete three tasks, you may take my daughter's hand in marriage" The commander told the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike. "Your second task is to climb the highest peak on Desgrus Beta".
On his way out the guard once again asked "Who goes there"?", to which he replied
"I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike and I want to marry the commander's daughter".
"Not the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike?"
"Yes, the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike"
"OK, pass"

The Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike easily climbed the mountain and returned 4 years later.
On his way into the palace the guard enquired "who goes there?", to which he replied
"I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike and I want to marry the commander's daughter".
"Not the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike?"
"Yes, the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike"
"OK, pass"
So the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike proceeded up to the commander's chamber.
"Who goes there?" Asked the commander.
"I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike and I want to marry your daughter" Replied the Black and White Space Marine.
"Not the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike?"
"Yes, the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike"
"OK, if you complete three tasks, you may take my daughter's hand in marriage" The commander told the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike. "Your third and final task is to swim across the acid lake outside the palace".
On his way out the guard once again asked "Who goes there"?", to which he replied
"I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike and I want to marry the commander's daughter".
"Not the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike?"
"Yes, the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike"
"OK, pass"

Once again the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike easily completed his task and returned to the palace for the final time.
On his way into the palace the guard enquired "who goes there?", to which he replied
"I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike and I want to marry the commander's daughter".
"Not the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike?"
"Yes, the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike"
"OK, pass"
So the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike proceeded up to the commander's chamber.
"Who goes there?" Asked the commander.
"I'm the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike and I want to marry your daughter" Replied the Black and White Space Marine.
"Not the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike?"
"Yes, the Black and White Space Marine on the Black and White bike, can I marry your daughter now?"
"Sure."

**ZergSmasher**

Now I need to make a miniature of a Black and White Space Marine on a Black and White Bike. I guess I've already got Ravenwing who fit that description.

**Kid_Kyoto**

And a Commander's daughter.

**Techpriestsupport**

I hereby demand the mods allow me to exalt this post twice!!!

**Kid_Kyoto**

Spreading joy and happiness...

**H.B.M.C.**

The only joke where the punchline is you.

**Flinty**

Making the coke Christmas theme threatening since 1986.

Holidays are coming, holidays are coming...

**lord_blackfang**

GW is getting in on this action

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pVBg07aXTNs

**Kid_Kyoto**

And what's Christmas without some carols right?

Battlehymn of the Indomitus Crusade
(sung to the tune of... oh you'll figure it out)

Live ammo we bring
To kill all our foes;
Live ammo for Xenos
And fire for the purge!

We rain death upon the Xenos
We rain death upon the Xenos
We rain death upon the Xenos
And fire for the purge!

Bring us more targets
Bring us more targets
Bring us more targets
And fuel for the purge!

We won't go 'til we slay them
We won't go 'til we slay them
We won't go until we slay them
And burn whatever's left

We rain death upon the Xenos
We rain death upon the Xenos
We rain death upon the Xenos
And fire for the purge!

**Kid_Kyoto**

I'd hate for anyone to think we're not inclusive here so allow me to present...

Battlehymn of the 3rd War of Armageddon
(to the tune of the Dreidel Song)

Well
I have a ton of ammo
I forged it out of lead
And when it's dry and ready
The Orks I will make dead

Oh, ammo, ammo, ammo
I made it out of lead
And when it's dry and ready
Then, Orks I will make dead!