Player: I want a ninja star of returning.
Me (
DM): Okay, go check the local market. This is a large city, many artisans and enchanters come here to trade.
Player: I'll try this stall. Lodges query.
Me (
DM): He doesn't have it.
Player: Next stall.
Me (
DM): Okay, you check the next stall. It's empty.
Player: On to the next!
Me (
DM): There is a young woman sitting there.
Player: Do you have any enchanted ninja stars, the kind that return to you after the throw?
Me (
DM): Yes. I have one star, it's enchanged by a powerful returning spell.
Player: How much?
Me (
DM): She thinks a moment. 109 GP.
Player: Seems fair, here you go!
Me (
DM): She hands it to you wrapped in cloth, thanks you for your patronage.
A short time later, at a waystop in the desert, 20 km from the town.
Me: Ambush time fellows.
Player: I rolled my save, I am aware of the ambush.
Me: Sure thing champ, you can take one free action.
Player: The guy to the corner you described with the crossbow, throwing my star.
Me: Roger that champ, the number to beat is 13.
Player: Rolls + mod = 10.
Me: You fail to hit.
Player: I hold up my hand to catch the sta-
Me: The Star flings past you, speedily jetting in the direction of town.
Player: Wut?
Me: You asked for a ninja star of returning. You never specified who it had to return to.
Player:
Wtf. Really?
Me: Yes.
A short time after the unsuccessful ambush. The party has returned to town to seek answers about the thugs who jumped them.
Player: I'm going back to that woman.
Me: You see her. She smiles at you.
Player: What gives lady, my ninja star flew back to town. I have no idea where it is!
Me: Oh! That's okay, I just happen to have one. Right here. Since you already purchased it from me, it's just a finders fee this time. 12 GP.
Player: What? Wait, you mean...
Me: Ah, a girl has to make a living, and I don't prostitute myself. Just my wares.
Player: Fine, I'll just get it disenchanted from that mage down the street.
Me: Here you go! Thanks for the coin.
Player: Excuse me Mr. Mage.
Me: Yes? How can I help you.
Player: Can you disenchant?
Me: Unfortunately no, I'm not that skilled. Perhaps you would like to buy one of my wares however?
Player: Shoot. Well, maybe, what do you have?
Me: Anything and everything my boy! Priceless treasures from far lands, antiquities from the ages of myth!
Player: Well, my INT is low, how about a headband of Intelligence!
Me: Yeah, I think I can help. Here you go! It's a headband of minor INT (+1 INT). Special price! 55GP.
Player: AH! Sweet! Here you are!
Me: Indeed! Thank you for your patronage.
Player: I'll head back to the room we bought. Oh! I put on the headband. So excited to finally-
Me: Roll an intelligence save. The number to beat is 12.
Player: Wait, what? Grumbles. Rolls + Mod = 2.
Me: Rolls
D6. Result is a 4.
Player: What's that for?
Me: This is a headband of idiocy. Take 4 INT damage.
Player:
WTF?!
Me: The damage is reversed after you remove the headband and take a long rest.
Player: Oh, well, in that case it's okay. We're going to rest up for the night anyways. I'll take off the headband.
Me: It doesn't come off.
Player: *visibly frustrated*
Me: Visibly amused.
Player: Why?
Me: I talked to my girlfriend last night. She said you put the moves on her. Don't do that again.
Player: *Visibly embarrassed*
Rest of the party: Shocked.
Ah. Good times.
*****************************************************************
Player:
DM?
Me: Yes?
Player: Can I try to use these three immovable rods to acrobat up to the dragons head and try for an eye strike.
Me: Take inspiration.
Player: YES!
Me: Roll it.
Player: I rolled a 1. I'll use that Inspiration now.
Me: Roll it.
Player: Looking upset. I rolled another 1.
Me: Roll a CON save. The number to beat is 14.
Player: Rolls + Mod = 10
Me: Hmmm. How many hit points do you have? **Auditory dices rolling behind the screen.
Player: I have 55
HP! And 5 DR from my bracers!
Me: Okay. Take 81 points of Lightning damage.
Player: .....Breath weapon?
Me: Breath weapon.
Player: Yeah. So...
Me: This is why I asked you all to roll two characters. And explicitly told you not to mess with Elder dragons.
Player: Lesson learned.
Me: Good!