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Alright, since we seem to be having a few threads devoted to people trying to say "THIS DOESN'T MAKE SENSE!" re 40k, I thought we needed a thread where we highlight the wonderful absurdites in 40k. the stuff that's absurdly over the top that we LOVE because of it.
I'll start us off with the sister of battle Exorcist.
It's a pipe organ mounted on a tank chassis that fires missiles. I mean from a military standpoint this doesn't make much sense I'm sure, it's great, I mean, it speaks so much of what 40k is.
Opinions are not facts please don't confuse the two
Titans. The whole concept of bipedal war machines the size of skyscrapers, when you could just have mounted the same weapons on a big tank chassis, is completely stupid and impractical. But also awesome. 40K wouldn't be 40K without them.
A little bit of righteous anger now and then is good, actually. Don't trust a person who never gets angry.
titans, literal walking churches with limited AI and enough firepower to level city blocks. routinely go into battle with external loudspeakers' blaring hymns to exhort friendly troops to even greater acts of heroism.
anything related to the schizo tech of the Imperium. They have cyborg sevitors writing out messages on parchment with a actual feather quill, soldiers dressed in sodden whoolen rags armed with laser guns, and skyscraper sized anti-ship torpedoes that are loaded by literal chain gangs.
starship techology in general. the smallest jump capable starships are still as big as a Imperial Class Star Destroyer form Star Wars, one of the iconic "big ships" of sci fi. they have crews in the tens of thousands, with whole generations of crew being born and dying onboard the ship without ever leaving. they are just...EPIC.
To be a man in such times is to be one amongst untold billions. It is to live in the cruelest and most bloody regime imaginable. These are the tales of those times. Forget the power of technology and science, for so much has been forgotten, never to be relearned. Forget the promise of progress and understanding, for in the grim dark future there is only war. There is no peace amongst the stars, only an eternity of carnage and slaughter, and the laughter of thirsting gods.
Coven of XVth 2000pts
The Blades of Ruin 2,000pts Watch Company Rho 1650pts
Shall I mention the track clearances on the physical models? Gravel or soft mud would be an effective obstacle!!
See also SM bikes!
you say that, but have you looked at the "rhino" parked outside GWHQ? its a vis-mod of a british army AFV 432, and it's drive train and tracks are 100% unmodified. it has the same ground clearance as it did in service (about 40cm, for the record), and it looks both fine and very close to the model. ground clearances are not actually much higher than that on most of the tracked vehicles i have seen.
To be a man in such times is to be one amongst untold billions. It is to live in the cruelest and most bloody regime imaginable. These are the tales of those times. Forget the power of technology and science, for so much has been forgotten, never to be relearned. Forget the promise of progress and understanding, for in the grim dark future there is only war. There is no peace amongst the stars, only an eternity of carnage and slaughter, and the laughter of thirsting gods.
Coven of XVth 2000pts
The Blades of Ruin 2,000pts Watch Company Rho 1650pts
There's a section in one of the Watchers of the Throne series (I believe) which talks about whole factory complexes dedicated to the production of vellum, and how completely and utterly inhumane and extravagant their supply and demand for the stuff is. Just the idea of so much vellum being needed, and the insane amount of bureaucracy that would require it is mind-blowing.
Sgt_Smudge wrote: There's a section in one of the Watchers of the Throne series (I believe) which talks about whole factory complexes dedicated to the production of vellum, and how completely and utterly inhumane and extravagant their supply and demand for the stuff is. Just the idea of so much vellum being needed, and the insane amount of bureaucracy that would require it is mind-blowing.
The idea of an entire planet's industry dedicated to any single product(I think 3rd ed mentions a planet that literally only produces ball bearings as their export) is part of the absolutely insane absurdity of the Imperium that makes 40K what it is.
You know you're really doing something when you can make strangers hate you over the Internet. - Mauleed
Just remember folks. Panic. Panic all the time. It's the only way to survive, other than just being mindful, of course-but geez, that's so friggin' boring. - Aegis Grimm
Hallowed is the All Pie The Before Times: A Place That Celebrates The World That Was
The orks in general are about as absurd as they are fun.
I also love the idea of the cults dedicated to energy (or as they call it, the "motive force"). There are people who literally worship power generators in the 40k universe...
Imperial technological dissonance, where hive gangs might build and use a partially self-aware nanotech locking mechanism to secure a rickety tin shed, because they build by rote and that's the only lock / shed anyone has known how to build for the past 10000 years.
Even better when next to it they secure a bunker door with a basic wafer lock because thou shalt not combine technology without the express approval of the mechanicus.
I think those that say "That doesn't make sense, therefore its bad" sort of miss the point of the setting somewhat. I've seen many aspects - loading ship torpedoes by using press gangs, the Grey Knights killing Battle Sisters to adorn their armour in blood, Krieg Guardsman bombarding a Hive so much that they keep firing years and years after it's already destroyed and everyones dead - labelled as "GrimDerp", but I don't see any issue with those bits of lore at all. The Imperium isn't meant to be some sort of logical, sane, sensible Empire that makes good choices, it's supposed to be the opposite and its actions reflect that.
Mentlegen324 wrote: I think those that say "That doesn't make sense, therefore its bad" sort of miss the point of the setting somewhat. I've seen many aspects - loading ship torpedoes by using press gangs, the Grey Knights killing Battle Sisters to adorn their armour in blood, Krieg Guardsman bombarding a Hive so much that they keep firing years and years after it's already destroyed and everyones dead - labelled as "GrimDerp", but I don't see any issue with those bits of lore at all. The Imperium isn't meant to be some sort of logical, sane, sensible Empire that makes good choices, it's supposed to be the opposite and its actions reflect that.
Up to a point. Yet at the same time certain facts about the Imperium mean there has to be some minimum degree of actual competence in order for the setting to exist. For example, Hive worlds are described as being dependent on food imports to feed its population, or at least its upper classes, with the lower classes surviving on recycled organic matter or locally produced food from hive flora and fauna. We have examples of hive worlds existing for literally thousands of years, so that means the food logistics system has to have worked well enough to prevent the wholesale collapse of the hive world into starvation or anarchy.
There are flying churches that fly through daemon infested emotional hells, where the only way to protect yourself is literally forcing a bit of the real universe between you and the entities that would do things so horrible to you that your souls would be torn to shreds, only guided by the sheer force and light of the dead god you follow, yet this is the only FTL travel available, and is reliable enough to use it as transport.
Also, basically anything AdMech. My girlfriend got me into 40k, and the absurdities of the AdMech is what caused it. Needing to chant and pray, to offer your soul to the machine, to preform the rituals, to become one with machine, all to properly serve the Machine God.
‘What Lorgar’s fanatics have not seen is that these gods are nothing compared to the power and the majesty of the Machine-God. Already, members of our growing cult are using the grace of the Omnissiah – the true Omnissiah, not Terra’s false prophet – to harness the might of the warp. Geller fields, warp missiles, void shields, all these things you are familiar with. But their underlying principles can be turned to so much more. Through novel exploitations of these technologies we will gain mastery first over the energies of the empyrean, then over the lesser entities, until finally the very gods themselves will bend the knee and recognise the supremacy of the Machine-God"
- Heretek Ardim Protos in Titandeath by Guy Haley
Mentlegen324 wrote: I think those that say "That doesn't make sense, therefore its bad" sort of miss the point of the setting somewhat. I've seen many aspects - loading ship torpedoes by using press gangs, the Grey Knights killing Battle Sisters to adorn their armour in blood, Krieg Guardsman bombarding a Hive so much that they keep firing years and years after it's already destroyed and everyones dead - labelled as "GrimDerp", but I don't see any issue with those bits of lore at all. The Imperium isn't meant to be some sort of logical, sane, sensible Empire that makes good choices, it's supposed to be the opposite and its actions reflect that.
Everybody can only stretch their willing suspension of disbelief to a certain extent; people with less "flexibility" probably don't get into 40k in the first place. Most things in the setting work as long as you don't think too hard about them and that's fine. But sometimes things fall apart with even the slightest thought. When the hyperboles get so out of hand that it's up to the audience to do the mental gymnastics to keep things believable, it's a good sign that you may have reached grimderp.
One example that always makes me want to facepalm is a bit of fluff about special bolts used by the Sororitas that are so special that "it takes an artificer a lifetime to produce just one." How can you possibly spend several decades working on a singular piece of ammo? One that's based on a mass-produced design, too...
This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2021/08/13 15:13:30
Mentlegen324 wrote: I think those that say "That doesn't make sense, therefore its bad" sort of miss the point of the setting somewhat. I've seen many aspects - loading ship torpedoes by using press gangs, the Grey Knights killing Battle Sisters to adorn their armour in blood, Krieg Guardsman bombarding a Hive so much that they keep firing years and years after it's already destroyed and everyones dead - labelled as "GrimDerp", but I don't see any issue with those bits of lore at all. The Imperium isn't meant to be some sort of logical, sane, sensible Empire that makes good choices, it's supposed to be the opposite and its actions reflect that.
Everybody can only stretch their willing suspension of disbelief to a certain extent; people with less "flexibility" probably don't get into 40k in the first place. Most things in the setting work as long as you don't think too hard about them and that's fine. But sometimes things fall apart with even the slightest thought. When the hyperboles get so out of hand that it's up to the audience to do the mental gymnastics to keep things believable, it's a good sign that you may have reached grimderp.
One example that always makes me want to facepalm is a bit of fluff about special bolts used by the Sororitas that are so special that "it takes an artificer a lifetime to produce just one." How can you possibly spend several decades working on a singular piece of ammo? One that's based on a mass-produced design, too...
That I could believe because what I think you are referring to is the "Blessed Bolts" strategem. The religious aspect of it could take many years. Praying over it, sprinkling it with holy oils or the Emperor's Tears, letting it sit on the altar or other holy place for years to absorb the holiness etc... To the religious mindset of the SoB, all that can be just as much a part of the manufacturing process.
Remember it is a bolt (or series of bolt rounds if we take 1 die roll to be several shots) that cause 2 MW on a to-hit roll of 6 (which could be via an Act of Faith). That means it "miraculously" bypasses invulnerable saves to inflict 2 MW, which is sort of what is shown for example in the Gate of Bones novel. Bolt rounds fired by the SoB inexplicably fly through a possessed CSM's supernatural defenses (which had earlier stopped some Custodes) and happen to hit it lethally in its hearts.
This message was edited 2 times. Last update was at 2021/08/13 16:06:30
Mad Doc Grotsnik wrote: Necrons being unfathomably old, and lead by insane leaders with varying grasps on reality.
Trazyn is awesome. Also the mad general who still thinks he's fighting the wars of the past.
All in all, I think Necrons have become one of the most interesting factions. I like how they have harnessed the power of godlike beings. Where other factions serve and worship their gods, the Necrons have bound theirs to their will. Except they're playing with fire...
Tiennos wrote: One example that always makes me want to facepalm is a bit of fluff about special bolts used by the Sororitas that are so special that "it takes an artificer a lifetime to produce just one." How can you possibly spend several decades working on a singular piece of ammo? One that's based on a mass-produced design, too...
Oh yeah, I remember this part, and I agree it's idiotic. That would be such a waste of an artificer's skill. He could handcraft enough bolters and chainswords to outfit an entire Marine company over the course of his career, and instead he makes one bullet? What target is even worth a lifetime of toil to kill? Imagine if that bullet misses.
Another facepalm-worthy thing is the mental gymnastics used to justify how Lucius can reincarnate yet again, by stretching to an extreme the definition of "taking pleasure from killing him". The extra annoying thing is that sometimes, it seems like his deaths are written with the express purpose of shutting down "Actually, he could die under this specific condition" arguments. I think the lore should just acknowledge that it is perfectly possible to kill him without becoming him, except it just hasn't happened yet.
.
This message was edited 2 times. Last update was at 2021/08/13 16:07:36
Cadians, Sisters of Battle (Argent Shroud), Drukhari (Obsidian Rose)
Mentlegen324 wrote: I think those that say "That doesn't make sense, therefore its bad" sort of miss the point of the setting somewhat. I've seen many aspects - loading ship torpedoes by using press gangs, the Grey Knights killing Battle Sisters to adorn their armour in blood, Krieg Guardsman bombarding a Hive so much that they keep firing years and years after it's already destroyed and everyones dead - labelled as "GrimDerp", but I don't see any issue with those bits of lore at all. The Imperium isn't meant to be some sort of logical, sane, sensible Empire that makes good choices, it's supposed to be the opposite and its actions reflect that.
Everybody can only stretch their willing suspension of disbelief to a certain extent; people with less "flexibility" probably don't get into 40k in the first place. Most things in the setting work as long as you don't think too hard about them and that's fine. But sometimes things fall apart with even the slightest thought. When the hyperboles get so out of hand that it's up to the audience to do the mental gymnastics to keep things believable, it's a good sign that you may have reached grimderp.
One example that always makes me want to facepalm is a bit of fluff about special bolts used by the Sororitas that are so special that "it takes an artificer a lifetime to produce just one." How can you possibly spend several decades working on a singular piece of ammo? One that's based on a mass-produced design, too...
That I could believe because what I think you are referring to is the "Blessed Bolts" strategem. The religious aspect of it could take many years. Praying over it, sprinkling it with holy oils or the Emperor's Tears, letting it sit on the altar or other holy place for years to absorb the holiness etc...
Remember it is a bolt (or series of bolt rounds if we take 1 die roll to be several shots) that cause 2 MW on a to-hit roll of 6 (which could be via an Act of Faith). That means it "miraculously" bypasses invulnerable saves to inflict 2 MW, which is sort of what is shown for example in the Gate of Bones novel. Bolt rounds fired by the SoB inexplicably fly through a possessed CSM's supernatural defenses (which had earlier stopped some Custodes) and happen to hit it lethally in its hearts.
And you're illustrating what I was saying: you're doing all the mental gymnastics to justify silly hyperbole. I can believe that some guy would spend a long time making a bolt by hand, engraving prayers in it, then blessing it a hundred times, etc. But "a lifetime" is beyond any reasonable timeframe to do that. At that point, that means they're just choosing to take extra time for no clear reason.
Actually, it'd be a lot easier to believe if you told me those artificers are paid by the hour.
Annnnd we're back to the kind of argument that this thread is trying to counteract. (Yes, I know I have a share of guilt in this derailment.)
One of the absurdities I like is the wild range of technological levels found across worlds. Feral worlds, feudal worlds, industrial worlds, etc. Does it make sense that a world would have reverted to medieval technology? Not really. Is it awesome? Yes.
Cadians, Sisters of Battle (Argent Shroud), Drukhari (Obsidian Rose)
Mentlegen324 wrote: I think those that say "That doesn't make sense, therefore its bad" sort of miss the point of the setting somewhat. I've seen many aspects - loading ship torpedoes by using press gangs, the Grey Knights killing Battle Sisters to adorn their armour in blood, Krieg Guardsman bombarding a Hive so much that they keep firing years and years after it's already destroyed and everyones dead - labelled as "GrimDerp", but I don't see any issue with those bits of lore at all. The Imperium isn't meant to be some sort of logical, sane, sensible Empire that makes good choices, it's supposed to be the opposite and its actions reflect that.
Everybody can only stretch their willing suspension of disbelief to a certain extent; people with less "flexibility" probably don't get into 40k in the first place. Most things in the setting work as long as you don't think too hard about them and that's fine. But sometimes things fall apart with even the slightest thought. When the hyperboles get so out of hand that it's up to the audience to do the mental gymnastics to keep things believable, it's a good sign that you may have reached grimderp.
One example that always makes me want to facepalm is a bit of fluff about special bolts used by the Sororitas that are so special that "it takes an artificer a lifetime to produce just one." How can you possibly spend several decades working on a singular piece of ammo? One that's based on a mass-produced design, too...
That I could believe because what I think you are referring to is the "Blessed Bolts" strategem. The religious aspect of it could take many years. Praying over it, sprinkling it with holy oils or the Emperor's Tears, letting it sit on the altar or other holy place for years to absorb the holiness etc...
Remember it is a bolt (or series of bolt rounds if we take 1 die roll to be several shots) that cause 2 MW on a to-hit roll of 6 (which could be via an Act of Faith). That means it "miraculously" bypasses invulnerable saves to inflict 2 MW, which is sort of what is shown for example in the Gate of Bones novel. Bolt rounds fired by the SoB inexplicably fly through a possessed CSM's supernatural defenses (which had earlier stopped some Custodes) and happen to hit it lethally in its hearts.
And you're illustrating what I was saying: you're doing all the mental gymnastics to justify silly hyperbole. I can believe that some guy would spend a long time making a bolt by hand, engraving prayers in it, then blessing it a hundred times, etc. But "a lifetime" is beyond any reasonable timeframe to do that. At that point, that means they're just choosing to take extra time for no clear reason.
Actually, it'd be a lot easier to believe if you told me those artificers are paid by the hour.
A world of a billion+ souls dedicated to producing Blessed Bolts.
A thousand worlds with 10,000 dedicated blessed bolt artisans and their families after..
A million worlds with one single worker in service to the Sisters.
A lifetime and a life is nothing to the Imperium.
This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2021/08/13 17:08:50
-Guardsman- wrote: Annnnd we're back to the kind of argument that this thread is trying to counteract. (Yes, I know I have a share of guilt in this derailment.)
One of the absurdities I like is the wild range of technological levels found across worlds. Feral worlds, feudal worlds, industrial worlds, etc. Does it make sense that a world would have reverted to medieval technology? Not really. Is it awesome? Yes.
Those I feel are definitely one of the cooler aspects. And of course, originally introduced so people could use any existing terrain, and even Fantasy models when Rogue Trader first came out. Helluva way to open up as wide an audience as possible.
In the modern setting, they serve to show Imperium, Interrupted. That it’s so consumed putting out the various fires that crop up, it has no serious investment in expanding and improving its infrastructure.
How much of that is out of necessity, and how much a general governmental indifference is entirely in the eye of the beholder. Which I guess is true of pretty much any 40K background. And that’s because so much of it is contradictory or just unclear. Maybe that’s lazy writing, maybe there’s more of a design than others might give credit for, given its more of a mythical background than a strictly historical one. Either way, it makes for very interesting discussions, at least in my opinion.
This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2021/08/13 17:19:59
Fed up of Scalpers? But still want your Exclusives? Why not join us?
I love the Feudal Worlds. They're without a doubt my favourite world type.
A short story has an Inquisitor try to stealthily discover why a new Knightly order, the Order of the Wyrm, has suddenly gained traction. Turns out the Wyrm are fighting a clandestine war against the Order of the Star(?) and both sides turn out to be a Genestealer Cult and Chaos Cult respectively with the High King being a puppet of the Gods who gets executed by another Inquisitor who was also investigating the Chaos Order. Great little story.
-Guardsman- wrote: Annnnd we're back to the kind of argument that this thread is trying to counteract. (Yes, I know I have a share of guilt in this derailment.)
One of the absurdities I like is the wild range of technological levels found across worlds. Feral worlds, feudal worlds, industrial worlds, etc. Does it make sense that a world would have reverted to medieval technology? Not really. Is it awesome? Yes.
This is actually one of the most realistic elements of the setting.
Search for "Uneven and combined development".
This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2021/08/13 17:35:50
Mentlegen324 wrote: I think those that say "That doesn't make sense, therefore its bad" sort of miss the point of the setting somewhat. I've seen many aspects - loading ship torpedoes by using press gangs, the Grey Knights killing Battle Sisters to adorn their armour in blood, Krieg Guardsman bombarding a Hive so much that they keep firing years and years after it's already destroyed and everyones dead - labelled as "GrimDerp", but I don't see any issue with those bits of lore at all. The Imperium isn't meant to be some sort of logical, sane, sensible Empire that makes good choices, it's supposed to be the opposite and its actions reflect that.
Everybody can only stretch their willing suspension of disbelief to a certain extent; people with less "flexibility" probably don't get into 40k in the first place. Most things in the setting work as long as you don't think too hard about them and that's fine. But sometimes things fall apart with even the slightest thought. When the hyperboles get so out of hand that it's up to the audience to do the mental gymnastics to keep things believable, it's a good sign that you may have reached grimderp.
One example that always makes me want to facepalm is a bit of fluff about special bolts used by the Sororitas that are so special that "it takes an artificer a lifetime to produce just one." How can you possibly spend several decades working on a singular piece of ammo? One that's based on a mass-produced design, too...
I don't really agree with that example. If you view it as just a bolter round as in terms of the components and such, than sure, it taking a lifetime would seem absurd...but when you take into account that the Imperium is a society that is heavily imbued with religious superstition, doctrine and ritual, where both the materials and the craftsmanship of it would have to align with those meticulous standards and be stipulated with all sorts of arbitrary time-consuming tasks and exacting specifications along the way, I don't think it's that much of an oddity that creating such a holy artifact could take an artificer a lifetime. It wouldn't just be putting mass-manufactured parts together like with a typical round. It's something that on the surface should be relatively simple that's beeen turned into a work of art that takes a lifetime, it makes a point about how the religious aspects of the Imperium affects things to a significant degree.
This message was edited 2 times. Last update was at 2021/08/13 17:43:39
I don't really agree with that example. If you view it as just a bolter round as in terms of the components and such, than sure, it taking a lifetime would seem absurd...but when you take into account that the Imperium is a society that is heavily imbued with religious superstition, doctrine and ritual, where both the materials and the craftsmanship of it would have to align with those meticulous standards and be stipulated with all sorts of arbitrary time-consuming tasks and exacting specifications along the way, I don't think it's that much of an oddity that creating such a holy artifact could take an artificer a lifetime. It wouldn't just be putting mass-manufactured parts together like with a typical round.
The absurdity lies in why anyone tasked with managing the Imperium's heavily stretched resources would think an artificer's lifetime of work is worth one (1) dead heretic or alien, when that same artificer could instead craft enough regular-ass boltguns and bolter shells to kill thousands of heretics or aliens.
The Imperium's workers are countless, but so are the Imperium's enemies.
I wouldn't say religion itself is absurd in a futuristic setting. Religion is present in every human society, so clearly it fulfills a deep-seated psychological need, and is to some extent part of human nature (even though some people, myself included, are not religious). The absurdity is rather the sheer fanaticism and closed-mindedness that manages to coexist with a technologically advanced society.
And it's definitely a part of the setting I love.
.
This message was edited 2 times. Last update was at 2021/08/13 17:56:28
Cadians, Sisters of Battle (Argent Shroud), Drukhari (Obsidian Rose)
Coven of XVth 2000pts
The Blades of Ruin 2,000pts 
Watch Company Rho 1650pts
