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Made in us
Longtime Dakkanaut





Denison, Iowa

Long story, please forgive me for venting.

I have a friend. We met in high school 20 years ago when we had extracurriculars together. Eventually we graduated, became co-workers, and had/have a shared interest in 40K. Being into 40k was a real bond, as we were the only two people into it within 100 miles in rural Iowa. My friend started out being okay. He worked hard, but was still somehow a mega-moocher, a fact that was noted repeatedly by my family, his family, coworkers, and common friends. "Can I borrow some money" was a phrase that I heard often, and many of those loans have yet to be repaid. A funny fact, as by this point he was making about 20% more than I was. I have been consistently chastised over the years for my "privileged upbringing" and wealthy family. Note, my parents are blue collar working joes that only had GED's. My dad was forced into a full time job at 14 to avoid abject poverty/famine when his father died in an accident. My friend was rather resentful that I was accepted to a decent college and was able to put myself through school without student loans.

Within a few years I was basically his personal taxi service, shuttling him over 300 miles per week as he couldn't keep a car running. This continued through his youthful "I discovered alcohol" phase where I'd literally have to carry him into his mother's house and dump him into bed. Ultimately his mooching became "I need a ride home, but can we make a quick detour?" Somehow I ended up driving him to a rundown shack in the middle of rural, middle of nowhere Iowa. A shack with about 400 square feet, no running water, and inhabited by a literal meth-head that had invited my friend over for a drink. It was sketchy enough I wanted to dart, but he was drunk within a couple minutes, and I felt guilty just leaving him there. I ended up having to babysit his drunk, passed-out butt until morning so he didn't drown in his own vomit. This specific incident made me go low-contact with him during my final year of college.

He eventually started the "A real friend wouldn't make me pay for (insert any of the following: Breaking your home stereo. This meal at a restaurant. Gas money on a shared trip. Somehow throwing your entire CD collection into a full cooler of water. Dumping a 64 ounce bottle of red Gatorade onto the tan carpet of your new car. Half of a 40k starter box)."

We've always liked discussing politics, but about 5 years ago he started getting REALLY involved, and radical. I won't discuss details due to the Political Ban here, but let's just say he involved himself in more than one protest that went sideways and participated in some "questionable" activities. His general attitude has shifted to the point that his family has complained about and apologized for his behavior. All this culminated in an argument we had a few days ago where he fell into Alex Jones levels of fact denial, quite literally calling certain events as "fear mongering conspiracy that never happened." He kept denying it even after several pictures and news articles from different news sources were presented.

Now, I've never cut ties completely with a friend before. We can all have our nuances and irritating habits. Being friends with this guy has just become life draining chore. Do you think I should do it, or just go limited contact for a while again?

This message was edited 2 times. Last update was at 2021/09/15 15:34:45


 
   
Made in ca
Pustulating Plague Priest






It’s important to keep and maintain your boundaries, even towards a friend. How long would you be willing to keep this pattern going for? If you want to stay friends, you might want to make sure you’re able to keep your boundaries up. If he can’t respect your boundaries, then you might want to reconsider.

It sounds like you worry about your friend’s well-being, with this discussion of his alcohol use. I understand where you’re coming from, but we can’t control the actions of others. Even if you help out, it’s up to this person to choose how they act afterwards.

It’s your call in the end, just remember not to set yourself on fire to keep another person warm.

Faithful... Enlightened... Ambitious... Brethren... WE NEED A NEW DRIVER! THIS ONE IS DEAD!  
   
Made in ca
Stormin' Stompa






Frankly, it doesn't seem like he's really been a friend to you at all over the years, or at the very least, the negatives have definitely outweighed any pro's that I can visibily see. Friendship is a 2-way street and he's basically been using you this entire time, taking advantage of the compassion you have for him and the shared history you've built. It may hurt, but its much better to rip off the band-aid and cut off contact, make it clear its about his behaviour. Some people legitimately have to hit rock bottom before they get self-aware enough that they need to change, and like SkavenLord said, you are not responsible for other's people's actions, so don't let him guilt trip you that you're "abandoning" him. He's a grown adult, if he's losing a friend because of his crappy actions, that's on him.
   
Made in us
Longtime Dakkanaut





Denison, Iowa

Just to clear one thing up, his drinking phase only lasted about 2 years. During that point though our friend group repeatedly had a mantra of " if we plan a road trip, don't tell him. He'll still be drunk by 8am, insist on tagging along, and ruin the mood. Something which he proved he'd do when he covered the inside of a 2 door car in vomit, an hour into a road trip with 5 large guys packed inside
   
Made in us
Daemonic Dreadnought





Eye of Terror

The language used to describe this person involves resentment, moochery, debasement, etc. There are no positive qualities that suggest the admiration characteristic of friendship.

If you are asking permission to stop talking to this person, granted. You would both be better of if you never speak again.

   
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The Daemon Possessing Fulgrim's Body





Devon, UK

Simple question, if someone told you that story, what would you say to them?

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Made in gb
Last Remaining Whole C'Tan






Friend, no. Brother, yes.

To get a bit Kondo? If someone is in your life that does not being you joy and make your life richer?

Ditch them. Life is too short.

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Made in us
Daemonic Dreadnought





Eye of Terror

 Azreal13 wrote:
Simple question, if someone told you that story, what would you say to them?


Something along these lines...

It's pretty simple to stop talking to someone you don't like. Just stop and move on. I don't care what backstory you have with someone, it's irrelevant to the here and now.

The way you described this person makes it clear how you intend to handle things. There's no reason for you to spell it out, the fact you did feels kind of manipulative. Like you're trying to engineer a response or get me to think a certain way.

Discussing how to arbiter your close, personal relationships with strangers is a creepy way to manage your affairs. You sound more like a prosecutor than someone capable of friendship, it's clear you see this as some kind of punishment. The fact of the matter is this person probably won't notice if you go away, if he does he will probably be gratified.

Seriously, you are not that important, no one will suffer from not knowing you anymore. Mature adults know all this. The fact you don't means I'd like you to stay away from me as well.

(Then I'd contact a mutual friend about this conversation so we could laugh at the OP together.)

   
Made in us
Battlefield Tourist




MN

It is really hard in rural areas to cut off old friends, because you WILL have to see them again. It is especially hard when you are a small business owner in a public space in said rural area.

I am sorry this is happening to you and wish it was not.

So now that you have highlighted all the bad stuff about this person, is there anything good that makes you think you should still be friends?

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Decrepit Dakkanaut





Halifax

As a toxic friend who got cut off and was very resentful of the passive-aggressive way it was done, I think you should cut him off, explain why (and that it's for your own mental health, etc) succinctly, and hang up. Using all the blocking features of social media to get some distance and move on with your life.

This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2021/09/15 19:03:19


   
Made in us
Longtime Dakkanaut





Denison, Iowa

 Easy E wrote:
It is really hard in rural areas to cut off old friends, because you WILL have to see them again. It is especially hard when you are a small business owner in a public space in said rural area.

I am sorry this is happening to you and wish it was not.

So now that you have highlighted all the bad stuff about this person, is there anything good that makes you think you should still be friends?


He is essentially a good dad to his kids, has some similar interests to me, and a bit of a shared friend circle. It's just kind of weird as he's become a kind of funhouse mirror image of a good friend I used to know.


Also, many of the principles he stands up for, while I might not agree with in his interpretation or methodology, I actually think he's at least trying to come from a good place. That being said sometimes it comes off as simple keyboard activism.

This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2021/09/15 21:08:57


 
   
Made in us
Battlefield Tourist




MN

Thanks for sharing Cuda.

Does this person actively seek you out, or could you just let it slide for a while? These are stressful times, full of weirdness, that have put a strain on many relationships. It might be best just to stop putting effort into this one, and just let it drift away.

There really is no need for a big confrontation, or anything dramatic; you can simply just let the relationship drift through lack of effort. De-prioritize them in your life, and let other events/relationships take those priorities instead. If the friend wants to pick it up again later, let them make the connections and the effort.

If it is a group dynamic that you find them in the most, and they are still rubbing you the wrong way; it gets a bit harder. Is that the case?

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Humming Great Unclean One of Nurgle






There is a lot to be said here and others have covered much of it. I just want to say that if someone ever uses the logic of 'a true friend would/wouldn't do X' they aren't your friend. They might have been your friend in the past and there is no predicting the future, but friends don't use that logic.

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Made in us
Longtime Dakkanaut





Denison, Iowa

 Easy E wrote:
Thanks for sharing Cuda.

Does this person actively seek you out, or could you just let it slide for a while? These are stressful times, full of weirdness, that have put a strain on many relationships. It might be best just to stop putting effort into this one, and just let it drift away.

There really is no need for a big confrontation, or anything dramatic; you can simply just let the relationship drift through lack of effort. De-prioritize them in your life, and let other events/relationships take those priorities instead. If the friend wants to pick it up again later, let them make the connections and the effort.

If it is a group dynamic that you find them in the most, and they are still rubbing you the wrong way; it gets a bit harder. Is that the case?


At the moment our lives can best be described as "parallel". A lot of similarities, but we rarely cross paths unless we make a concerted effort to do so. I was never really looking for any kind of confrontation, at the most it would have been a ghosting. After typing this all out, and getting some outside perspective on the matter I think I'm just going to set this particular friendship on the back burner for a while and let it simmer. Perhaps there is something to salvage, and I hope there is. Putting 20 years of effort into a friendship is something I don't want to throw away, kinda like your first figures you ever painted.
   
Made in gb
Khorne Veteran Marine with Chain-Axe





Mechanicum (building/painting)

Would you treat any friend of yours (or anyone really) how he has treated you?

If the answer is no then they are not worth your time or energy and will only drag you down.

Sometimes you have to let people go in order to protect yourself whether that be financially or for the sake of your mental health.




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Made in us
Humming Great Unclean One of Nurgle






Sometimes one must to let people go so they can experience the consequences of their actions and learn from them, too.

Road to Renown! It's like classic Path to Glory, but repaired, remastered, expanded! https://www.dakkadakka.com/dakkaforum/posts/list/778170.page

I chose an avatar I feel best represents the quality of my post history.
ERJAK wrote:
...probably has a some amount of Nazi memorabilia, has many concerning opinions about racial and cultural minorities, and/or likely refers to women as 'females'.
--Saying this about another member does not violate Dakka's Rule #1, apparently. 
   
Made in us
Battlefield Tourist




MN

 cuda1179 wrote:


At the moment our lives can best be described as "parallel". A lot of similarities, but we rarely cross paths unless we make a concerted effort to do so. I was never really looking for any kind of confrontation, at the most it would have been a ghosting. After typing this all out, and getting some outside perspective on the matter I think I'm just going to set this particular friendship on the back burner for a while and let it simmer. Perhaps there is something to salvage, and I hope there is. Putting 20 years of effort into a friendship is something I don't want to throw away, kinda like your first figures you ever painted.


Good luck Cuda! I hope all turns out well.

I think you are making a solid choice.

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Made in us
Courageous Questing Knight





Texas

Well, I did get way too tired of my middle and high school best friend that just never grew up and out of his immature, derogatory and hurtful remarks he passed off as comedy. I was in my mid-20s and finally just said, 'enough.' My wife and I just could no longer stand him making terrible remarks he thought were funny to anyone, his wife, et al.

From what I understand, he never grew up and is still toxic to this day, as my wife occasionally talks to his first wife that they share children with.

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Made in gb
Highlord of Terra






Adrift within the vortex of my imagination.

Cuda, does he truly cross the line? I have only once ditched a friend, and I still feel bad about it, and that was because he was into some stuff I cannot mention involving children. He had an ongoing case and lied through his teeth about it, very convincingly in fact, and I believed him. That it wasn't his fault, he was storing a computer for his brother and didn't know what was on it.
I found out the truth when I cleared his flat, everything changed in five minutes.

Your friend has a lot of rough issues, but if you are his friend you will not leave him hanging. Don't do that. Ignore the comments above of what is he to you, and not worth it etc etc. You are his rock, someone who has always been there for him and yes you have been taken forgeranted, but most likely that is him not being evil and manipulative but a long descent into self centredness and thoughtless.

First. Don't lend him any more money. If he asks the answer should always be no. Don't lend to friends and family, instead if you can afford gift the monies instead. If you can afford to loss let your friend or family member have the monies, and don't put a burden on them to pay it back, and tell them they owe nothing, no favour, no return, once the money changes hands it is as if it never happened. But on the flip side to this, only give it if it is needed and the recipients were unable (not unwilling) to budget for it themselves. As a general rule if you cant afford it don't buy it, apply that to yourself for a happier life, and apply it to others you take financial responsibility for, even on the short term, and if someone else wants it and fails to provide for it, don't bail them out.
I need to buy medicine, or my wallet was lost are good excuses. I drank away my money and need more for the good time is not.
As a general rule I say no to all financial requests, but offer if I feel the person needs it. This way I control it, stay financially wise yet supportive of those who I care about.
I really think you need to learn to say no.

As for vomiting in your car and being a nuisance on road trips. You need to put your foot down there. Don't make the easy mistake of blanking him regarding trips, instead tell him up front, you are welcome to go, but if you turn up tanked up we leave you behind, and if we take you, no side trips to dodgy hooch shacks. Those are the rules take it or leave it. You need to be tougher.

As for his politics, tell him you don't want to hear it everyday, but see it at least partly from his perspective, and let him vent every now and then. It is easy in this milieu to see opposite opinions as polarised opinions. Society is being wired that way. Perhaps he truly is an alt-right socio, maybe he is just further to the right of you and that is how people on the left are trained to see other to the right of them nowadays.
On the flipside maybe he thinks you are a mad leftie spoonfed on woke. Perhaps you are, perhaps you are not but he is unable to see the difference. The bs goes both ways.
It is no secret here that I am right wing, but I have few problems with 'lefties' in my social circle. This is because knowing each other dispels a lot of the issues. Polarisation prevents people of opposing viewpoints from seeing each other as rational human beings, so the key is to stay out of the echo chamber and avoid polarisation. Let me tell you a secret that shouldn't not really be a secret, you can find morally plausible and intellectually intact paths to either a left or right wing mindset, nobody has a monopoly on logic, however increasingly society paints this as being so. Please don't fall for it.
Draw the line at any form of pressure activism though, from any direction. You can respect his right to wear a MAGA hat without condoning support of violent marches. Spell it out, but let him be him. If you see this with mature eyes you will complement each other more than you yet realise. He will increasing realise not all lefties are so bad, especially if you put your foot down and he is forced to see you as a friend who puts up with a lot of his BS but is not/no longer a walking Taxi service or ATM.

I think this is the kernal of truth at the centre. He is your friend, because you most certainly are his friend, but he does not respect you because familiarity breeds contempt. You let him get away with too much, including the consequences of his own actions. You have to tell him that gone are the days of free handouts and taxi service for drunk boors. Tell him that is going to stop for his own good, and BECAUSE you are his friend, you are going to forgive his issues but not him burden you with them. Remember that you have mishandled him, in a way your relationship is now closer to overly doting parent and spoiled child than two adult friends.

Don't sugarcoat this, but tell him you will be there for him, he can still play 40K as your bro, but only if he turns up sober.
Once and only once he respects that, take it to the final step. Write off all his debt to you, but tell him he will never get a single cent more, all borrows are no's. Tell him this will not mean you will never pick up the tab at a restaurant if you feel like it, but the freewheeling has to stop and will stop.
He might, probably will, ask for money at the beginning, be firm and strict regardless of circumstances. At that point one of two things will happen, he will be sad but accept that and remain your friend, in this case you have begun to win and he is on the mend. Otherwise he might get angry or persistent in demanding, if this happens, he is no longer your friend. Walk away as he is just using you.
Learn Machiavelli's maxim, when you get known for giving handouts if you stop you are considered more of a miser than someone who never gave any charity. Machiavelli was correct, there is a strong negative personality attached to receipt of charity, it develops greed and a sense of entitlement which turns to anger if the free tap is turns off or is no longer free. There are ways to avoid that psychology but it does not apply to those who have been giving as 'doormats' over a period of time.

You need to handle this with a lot of wisdom, patience and fortitude. You need to be fair, persistent and consistent. You can make a good go at fixing your friend, and if you do that you truly are his friend. But in doing this you might find out that he is not your friend and hasn't been for some time, at that juncture he will have to make a choice, get angry that the free tap is off, or respect you and take painful steps towards bettering himself. If he does the former walk away, knowing you have done everything you can, and HE abandoned YOU so there is no cause or need for guilt for your actions, if he makes an effort be firm and persistent until the end, but stay with him, and be the true friend he needs you to be.


Automatically Appended Next Post:
 MDSW wrote:
Well, I did get way too tired of my middle and high school best friend that just never grew up and out of his immature, derogatory and hurtful remarks he passed off as comedy. I was in my mid-20s and finally just said, 'enough.' My wife and I just could no longer stand him making terrible remarks he thought were funny to anyone, his wife, et al.

From what I understand, he never grew up and is still toxic to this day, as my wife occasionally talks to his first wife that they share children with.


I was like that for a while. It is a strong sign of persistent abuse in formative years, normally pre-teens. The logic is thus, he was expected to tolerate mere words that hurt him deeply, as a child. This was often portrayed as just joking or just playing. Normally only one maybe two people in a school or community got this treatment persistently, and the chosen target got it all the time. It became the breakfast lunch and dinner, week in week out, probably for years.
This burns into the person the need to left off this hurt/steam as acrid comments made in jest. First they are only partly in jest, there is an echo of the cruelty in the words. This will show up in the body language even if the victim (yes he is a victim) learns comedic tone.
He has to learn not to do this. This will only happen if he accepts and loves himself and others support and love him, and tell him in love not to do this. He needs to know that the 'jokes' will not take away the pain, and stopping them wont either.
It is not easy, and frankly some of the hurt never truly disappears because one is left on social catch up for decades.

This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2021/09/17 17:13:03


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Made in ca
Legendary Master of the Chapter





I would def cut ties with him, stop hanging out with him, calling him inviting him to do stuff, and just tell him "no" when he calls you.
be willing to be civil if you bump into him, just don't hang out with him anymore

This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2021/09/17 17:15:17


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Anti-Armour Swiss Guard






Newcastle, OZ

I've cut friends AND family out of my life after they went all toxic (or I realised that they had been toxic all along).
I've done it, moved on and never looked back.

They say "You've only got one family ..."
"You've only got one appendix, too - and if that s*** gets toxic, you cut it out."

I'm OVER 50 (and so far over everyone's BS, too).
Old enough to know better, young enough to not give a ****.

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Lone Wolf Sentinel Pilot





Russia

 chromedog wrote:
I've cut friends AND family out of my life after they went all toxic (or I realised that they had been toxic all along).
I've done it, moved on and never looked back.

They say "You've only got one family ..."
"You've only got one appendix, too - and if that s*** gets toxic, you cut it out."

Sorry, but who then is the appendix?

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Battlefield Tourist




MN

I always say, "Family it the people you are forced to hang out with, even if you would never have chosen to be friends with them."

I too have cut out much of my family, because they were not the type of people I wanted to hang out with. I still seem them on rare occasions, but I make no effort with them.

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Shadowy Grot Kommittee Memba






 Mad Doc Grotsnik wrote:
Friend, no. Brother, yes.

To get a bit Kondo? If someone is in your life that does not being you joy and make your life richer?

Ditch them. Life is too short.


I heard the next season of tidying up with Marie Kondo will heavily feature Kondo holding peoples' gakky friends and family up by the scruffs of their necks, asking if they spark joy, and when they do not she holds them tightly, thanking them briefly for their service and the happy times they have brought before snapping their spines unhinging her jaw and swallowing them whole.

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I would recommend letting that guy go. As best I can tell, he sounds like a consistent drain and source of stress. Plus, notorious for ruining events/gatherings. Not worth it.

I have indeed cut off a toxic friend too - hurt quite a bit considering that I've known him since day one. He hadn't as much as given me the time of day in three years. Despite texting me often, any time I'd say, "let's hang out" his response was always some sort of mundane excuse - literally, "I'm busy playing video games," was the most common. On the rare occasion we did hang out, he'd either complain the entire time or be an arrogant prick. (Like, seriously, we went to pick up some food at Mc Donald's, of course the service isn't 5 star, get over it.) To top it off, he got into this weird thing where he'd constantly try and flex how much money he had, rubbing it in my face that he had more. Like, dude. Seriously, I'm also well off. What exactly are you trying to accomplish?

In life there are assets and liabilities. Figure out which this individual is and treat accordingly. I recommend letting him go.

This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2021/09/21 15:18:40


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Kroot Carnivore





It's had to say what's right for you not really knowing you and only knowing the negative things about your "friend." I use quotes because (at least from what you've said) you've been a friend to him through a lot of gak, and he has not. "A real friend" does not say "a real friend would do (insert anything here)" period. That's not a friend, that's someone who is using you, plain and simple.

You've certainly been enabling some of these behaviors and if you do choose to stay friends with him, you need to start putting your foot down or things will only get worse. For me, it's one chance only, then you have to earn back my trust. For example, I have a friend of over a decade that I leant $300.00 when we were teenagers (a lot of money for me at the time) and he never paid me back. We're still good friends and I don't hold a grudge, but he also knows that I will never lend him money again.

If he's constantly breaking your gak, hang out at a FLGS instead, if he won't pay for half of lunch, don't go to restaurants, if he ruins your car / won't split gas, don't drive him places. It doesn't mean that you can't still hang out, but it will mean that he will finally have to start putting some effort into the friendship instead of constantly taking you for granted.

As for the Alex Jones bit... well I can't really talk politics here, but the guy did go on a rant about being ready to eat his neighbors if things went south, so... watch your back I guess?

Honestly, that's something I'm struggling with at the moment as well, though my story is a bit different. I've just re-connected with an old friend that I lost touch with almost 10 years ago. It's been great catching up, but then I added him on Facebook (something I rarely use) and about 80% of his posts are preaching crazy non-science/racist/homophobic internet conspiracy theories. I'm honestly not sure how to handle mine either as he was never like that when we were younger. On the one hand, we've been disconnected for so long, it wouldn't be too hard to go back to that, but on the other he's still an old friend and I miss the person that he used to be, flaws and all. I feel like the right thing to do is to try and help him, but I've got enough drama in my life at the moment as it is.

I guess what I'm trying to say on my tangent is that I somewhat feel what you're going through and I wish you the best of luck with whatever you decide.

This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2021/09/21 22:59:14


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Last Remaining Whole C'Tan






Pleasant Valley, Iowa

I also have had to cut off friends that essentially got so deep into crazy, paranoid political rabbit holes I just couldn't even talk to them anymore - every conversation would swiftly turn to whatever crazy stuff they saw or read that week. Social media has really enabled a rapid escalation into utter partisan lunacy. It's sad to see with these people, they slowly get distanced from their family and friends and eventually can only hang with like-minded crazies.

I don't even really look back with sadness to be honest; the companionship I got from them was nice... but you can't put a price on not listening to someone screaming about the merits of horse paste or mute buttons whatever insane, toxic garbage they are into now.

This message was edited 2 times. Last update was at 2021/09/21 23:21:58


 lord_blackfang wrote:
Respect to the guy who subscribed just to post a massive ASCII dong in the chat and immediately get banned.

 Flinty wrote:
The benefit of slate is that its.actually a.rock with rock like properties. The downside is that it's a rock
 
   
Made in us
Calculating Commissar




pontiac, michigan; usa

@Cuda: Everything you just described about your friend makes him not your friend. I've taken rides from people but if you have to ask yourself how much does he do for me vs what I do for him and your mind draws a blank at what he's done for you then it's time to cut ties. Your friend uses and abuses you to make up for his gak life and bad life choices. Meanwhile you only ever have been a good friend. Just because you like the same things doesn't mean he can't be a total donkey-cave while you're not.

The one seeming non-issue mostly is politics. Yeah politics has gotten nuts and thrown a wrench in friendships. Normally if it has ended them then the friendship wasn't worth it to begin with. That or someone's gotten so far up a political rabbit hole they see the other side as Satan or Hitler.

-----

As far as toxic friends? I had one that was a spoiled brat that insulted his friends with other friends and tried to abuse the relationships with some friends to get into friendships he'd prefer. This was when i was maybe 12-13 or so. When we found out he was insulting us all in conversations with other friends we broke off contact. He ended up having a very lonely birthday party after that and crying over it. Hopefully he learned from it.

----

The other friend was some guy i saw futurama with in some school lounge area with. We had similar interests in some ways but often he'd take other people's sides rather than mine at all times esp. if they were women. He told me at one point he only talked to women so he could have sex with them and then later became a feminist (lol ok whatever dude). I had to initiate every phone call we'd ever had in which case 90% of the conversation ended up being him talking over me even if i had to call him for some questions i needed help with in which case i'd usually get a long phone call where i never even got to ask my few questions. He'd insult me for not hearing him even though he said he had an issue with his voice. I think in one case he had some form of sex or sexual relations with a dude's wife which was currently busy in the military despite him saying he had extreme respect for military vets and having military family. Also he often tried to boycott things even though he usually just illegally downloaded stuff he liked anyway so he didn't even support things he liked financially. Not to mention one time where he got me to buy a comic book i mostly didn't want just because it was going to a charity i didn't even know the validity of. That one may have been a solid charity but you shouldn't feel pressured to do many things. Also he tried to copy trends in some cases rather than being a trend-setter. If i recall he also used to follow a lot of online critics that'd say all the most inappropriate crap until the culture changed. Keep in mind this included him downloading a 3d model game maker where you could have sex with virtual women to which he made a female friend into one of the female characters he'd bang (dunno if he asked her permission for that one).

Anyway the dude just sucked. I hated being insulted by him so much and even after a break from him when i came back he got into the culture war. Even on the early part of the Culture War he said i can't have a friend that's on the other political side so i told him "Ok i guess we're not friends then." I only called him once since that time when warhammer fantasy died to vent over losing over a thousand dollars worth of product. Probably the most he's ever let me talk about something ever. I haven't talked to him since. It was just a bad friendship which is funny because at one point of all his friends he said my friendship with him was one of the longest he'd had and supposedly i was his best friend even though he never treated me well enough to be mine and i thought he was mine even though so many others did so much more for me.

Sometimes you just gotta cut off people that make you feel terrible. I'm not saying i'm great. I had my own piles of crappy traits i had to get rid of. It's why i always give gas money to friends that give me rides or at least bring it up a bit. Sometimes i almost have to glue the money to their hands because they won't accept ride fare.

This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2021/09/22 01:06:51


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Made in au
Anti-Armour Swiss Guard






Newcastle, OZ

 Freakazoitt wrote:
 chromedog wrote:
I've cut friends AND family out of my life after they went all toxic (or I realised that they had been toxic all along).
I've done it, moved on and never looked back.

They say "You've only got one family ..."
"You've only got one appendix, too - and if that s*** gets toxic, you cut it out."

Sorry, but who then is the appendix?


In that particular instance, it was a bitter and twisted aunt who had gone waaaaaaay down the spiral into conspiracy theory lunacy.

Also, cut my brother out of my life a decade and a half ago. After I learned he had used my id after getting arrested for DUI and driving while disqualified (we look similar). It took me 2 years to wipe that driving record so I could actually apply for my own licence.

I'm OVER 50 (and so far over everyone's BS, too).
Old enough to know better, young enough to not give a ****.

That is not dead which can eternal lie ...

... and yet, with strange aeons, even death may die.
 
   
Made in us
Keeper of the Flame





West Lafayette, IN

 chromedog wrote:
 Freakazoitt wrote:
 chromedog wrote:
I've cut friends AND family out of my life after they went all toxic (or I realised that they had been toxic all along).
I've done it, moved on and never looked back.

They say "You've only got one family ..."
"You've only got one appendix, too - and if that s*** gets toxic, you cut it out."

Sorry, but who then is the appendix?


In that particular instance, it was a bitter and twisted aunt who had gone waaaaaaay down the spiral into conspiracy theory lunacy.

Also, cut my brother out of my life a decade and a half ago. After I learned he had used my id after getting arrested for DUI and driving while disqualified (we look similar). It took me 2 years to wipe that driving record so I could actually apply for my own licence.


...

My brother got pulled over twice driving while suspended and gave them my name. Both times he was in uniform so they didn't question it. Quick search and similar enough ID pictures on the database got him tickets with my name and his address. The plan was to pay them off before ANYONE knew what had happened, and I'd have a total of 1 point on my license and be none the wiser. Great plan, if you actually pay the ticket. What happened was me getting mine suspended twice for failure to appear. The first one was about 8 days total with him finally coming clean and turning himself in to both places. The second time the Prosecutor forgot to drop the charges on ME when HE called and corrected the issue. The first suspension happened when I had come back with my wife from her tubal ligation reversal surgery. My wife being far more upright than I, she refused to let me drive the week I was suspended and wound up taking me back and forth to work while she was supposed to be on bed rest. Wound up spiking a fever and things were WAY touch and go. The second suspension happened after we had officially gotten our first positive pregnancy result, and the stress from me trying to juggle getting to work and college simultaneously caused her to miscarry.

THAT was a very bad time. The only reason he and I speak to this day is because after 5 or 6 years of me holding that grudge I had to have a talk with my then 4 year old daughter about the unhealthy negativity of holding grudges, and I wasn't about to be a hypocrite.







Now to the actual topic of the thread? Yeah, cut them loose. High maintenance and/or toxic friendships/relationships are FAR more stressful than they are worth.

This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2021/09/23 08:57:52


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