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So recently my Sunday night DnD group was tasked with entering a town and going through quests until we learned enough to progress the story. One of the quests we did was to help an old Elf lady who's neighbors had become undead. We killed the undead and left the area with gold and directions to a town official that could help us.

We decided to spend the night recovering and re-grouping. During the night one of our party (Who has an insanity gauge that when it hit's a certain level he becomes "Possessed" by a demon thing that forces him to slake his "bloodlust". He's a level 6 elf fighter, and it's cringe of the worst sort, but the DM was ok with the mechanics and let it fly. So flash cut to the character, who is now in a "Blood frenzy", he makes his way to the old woman's house, and proceeds for the next 15 minutes,

I was specifically asked by the DM before hand if this would be a trigger, and I said yes. I was so taken aback I didn't think to even ask, HOW ARE YOU OK WITH THIS? But excused myself, and came back 15 minutes later, and it was over.

Should this be allowed? I am seriously considering leaving the group, as the member who did it is a close personal friend of the DM and I didn't want to stir up crap, but this is really bad fantasy role play. I mean, I don't play escapist fantasy roleplay to have terrible real world gak thrown in.

Am I being a dink about this and just need to relax? Or is this too edgy and gross for any DnD game? I'm seriously not ok with this sort of content, but don't want to lose my game that I've put time and effort into.

What say you all?

If you google "consent in d&d / RPG / gaming" there are numerous articles discussing it, as well as resources such as checklists.

It should only be done if everyone is informed well in advance and give 100% consent - if that's not happening you should walk away.

To venture forth with perhaps the most risque answer; Yes.

But that's an answer that I think has a heaping mountain of caveats the size of Strahd's ego because I think inserting rape and sex crimes into a story can come off a lot like blowing a baby's brains out to show how dark and gritty things are; it feels incredibly inauthentic, and like you're trying to establish the story's credentials through shock value rather than substance.

So like most things, you have to approach the story with an eye on the prize and ask yourself if the plot points you employ are really going to get the results you want.

That is a very academic discussion, and one that probably should include a player group because there are people who just aren't comfortable with that sort of stuff and it's not like you can't go dark by other means (arguably, means that are more effective and less cringy).

That is not what you're dealing with.

What you have, sir and/or madam, is an edgelord. Someone who mistakes shock value for depth and 'dark and edgy' for maturity. A Zack Snyder if you will (yeah I went there). This is just an insanely shallow character and I can't help but imagine the player isn't much better because I've never seen stuff like this go well.

And honestly that's strike one against your DM because how the feth do they not know this? This is literally 99% of the made up gak on rpghorrorstories and the 1% of it that probably isn't made up.That's strike two, because anyone who is social aware and has been around even a brief amount of time should have picked up that people who make these kinds of characters are fighting an uphill battle people smart enough to do them right would usually prefer to avoid the hassle (i.e. generally good players don't want to do this kind of crap with their character).

I don't think you're being a dick. Maybe there's more to this story I don't know for one reason or another and these two people aren't as cringy as it seems. As presented, this is literally what the front page of rpghorrorstories looks like on any given day.

It's the kind of situation a good DM and a healthy group avoids.

And to top it off, we have strike 3 which is that you'd apparently told the DM prior that this kind of play wasn't cool with you and apparently they both forgot and didn't read the room to notice you weren't cool with it.

Whether or not you leave is up to you. They do say no DnD is better than bad DnD, and I find that's generally true. Never stick around an uncomfortable play space just to play DnD. There are a thousand other spaces available for role playing games now. You got options.

In my experience, the answer to the question 'do I think talking to the group about my problem will result in anything being done' usually answers the should I stay/go question in itself.

I have not played D&D in a long time. I even participated in a evil campaign for a while. We got bored with it and went back to our previous campaign. There is no way I would condone that storyline in campaign I was playing in. I would be done with that group immediately if they said it's ok.

beast_gts wrote:
If you google "consent in d&d / RPG / gaming" there are numerous articles discussing it, as well as resources such as checklists.

It should only be done if everyone is informed well in advance and give 100% consent - if that's not happening you should walk away.

Absolutely and IMO that extends beyond D&D to media in general. Sexual violence is basically never handled well in any form of storytelling and is commonly used as an extremely lazy way to trigger an emotional response. If the audience is okay with that then so be it. I think it's tasteless, but I am not the thought police. It should at least be something that is discussed beforehand so that the audience/group is aware.

beast_gts wrote:
If you google "consent in d&d / RPG / gaming" there are numerous articles discussing it, as well as resources such as checklists.

It should only be done if everyone is informed well in advance and give 100% consent - if that's not happening you should walk away.

I would say it should go the opposite way. GM asking players if they are ok with some themes is going to spoil the story for those who are ok (they know what to expect). Also with so many things prople find problematic a checklist of them could be infinitely long. "You didn't warn me that there's going to be animal abuse in the story!!! Or swearing!!! Or slavery! Or..."

I think it's best if it's the person who has problems with some themes informing the others that they want to avoid them rather then expecting others to guess or ask about everything prior to the game and then becoming offended if they don't.

beast_gts wrote:
If you google "consent in d&d / RPG / gaming" there are numerous articles discussing it, as well as resources such as checklists.

It should only be done if everyone is informed well in advance and give 100% consent - if that's not happening you should walk away.

This is the correct answer.

Every social activity involving two or more people should, as a rule, only involve actions which all persons involved agreed to. There are obvious exceptions that someone could make like surprise parties (particularly if they wanted to argue in bad faith...), but generally, one should always make sure that, if their friends are about to partake in an activity that's supposed to be fun, whether their friends will actually find the activity fun.

This goes doubly for basically anything involving emotionally sensitive topics. For a non-sexual example, it would be a major scumbag to try and pressure someone to reveal personal secrets about themselves if they don't want to do so. However, if all participants on some level are okay with revealing these secrets under these conditions, the activity becomes fun instead. This is the entire idea behind "truth or dare."

I predict that some people may mention that the modern world is full of "snowflakes" which simply wish to run away from things that make them feel uncomfortable. If you believe this and actually do wish to have a conversation, remember that there's a difference between examining something because it's important and doing something because it's supposed to be fun. And that's all I gotta say about that.

+1 to Flipsiders point.

You could replace rape and sex crimes with almost any other story or structural aspect of DnD. In the end different groups have different interests and limit points when playing. Some groups won't want much if any combat, some might have one person who really can't do with deep social interactions and stories; some will have people who don't want rape/sex crimes etc...

The more extreme the action the more its on the DM to pause the fantasy (before or during) and make sure to sound out the individuals within the group to make sure everyone is happy and comfortable to continue with that line of play before continuing.

Now that might mean that someone leaves the room whilst something they aren't comfortable with happens; or it means the DM says "No you can't do that" to a player; yes even if it fits with the players character storyline.

Cyel wrote:

beast_gts wrote:
If you google "consent in d&d / RPG / gaming" there are numerous articles discussing it, as well as resources such as checklists.

It should only be done if everyone is informed well in advance and give 100% consent - if that's not happening you should walk away.

I would say it should go the opposite way. GM asking players if they are ok with some themes is going to spoil the story for those who are ok (they know what to expect). Also with so many things prople find problematic a checklist of them could be infinitely long. "You didn't warn me that there's going to be animal abuse in the story!!! Or swearing!!! Or slavery! Or..."

I think it's best if it's the person who has problems with some themes informing the others that they want to avoid them rather then expecting others to guess or ask about everything prior to the game and then becoming offended if they don't.

No. You don't get to ambush people with this crap and then say it's on them for not being psychic or opening up to random people about all their potential personal and deep seated issues. Or just basic morals.

Feth that noise, that's almost always completely unacceptable in any situation, certainly social ones, let alone for a fun game night.

If people are up for digging through trauma, it's only wih informed consent.

No, people should not be allowed to indulge themselves in rape fantasies.
If the DM asked you and then ignored your opinion in favour of their friend/the majority vote then honestly, just leave that group. There's nothing for you there.

So tonight is game night. And the character in question is at "Blood frenzy" again. So if this happens again, I'm telling the DM I'm not right for this group and walking away.

On the other hand, one of the characters has begun to find clues that would inform us of what this character has been doing in game. If we find out, I think I am well within my rights to flat out destroy this player's character.

Yes to both of those options Fezz. End his character then leave and never return.

One would assume such things are decided on a per-group-basis. If you specifically agreed with them to not do things like that, they should respect it. If they don't, leave the group. The whole game is based on a collaborative effort, so that's a fundamental requirement.

I would probably excuse myself from the group in this case. It might be possible to deal with these themes in a roleplaying game, but you said you didn't want to and really, that should be that. D&D is about killing monsters and taking their stuff at it's core, so it's always going to have some problematic themes for some people, but sexual violence is not part of that implied setting.

FezzikDaBullgryn wrote:
...I was specifically asked by the DM before hand if this would be a trigger, and I said yes. I was so taken aback I didn't think to even ask, HOW ARE YOU OK WITH THIS? But excused myself, and came back 15 minutes later, and it was over.

Should this be allowed? I am seriously considering leaving the group, as the member who did it is a close personal friend of the DM and I didn't want to stir up crap, but this is really bad fantasy role play. I mean, I don't play escapist fantasy roleplay to have terrible real world gak thrown in.

Am I being a dink about this and just need to relax? Or is this too edgy and gross for any DnD game? I'm seriously not ok with this sort of content, but don't want to lose my game that I've put time and effort into.

What say you all?

If your group's doing things you're not comfortable with by popular vote rather than by unanimous consent you should absolutely find a different group. There is no excuse to override anyone in the group's comfort bar for any reason; if everyone else in the group are massive Game of Thrones fans and are happy using sex crimes for shock value and one person isn't either the shock-value people need to get used to dialing it back or you shouldn't all be in the same group.

That said I don't think making judgement calls on whether edgy and gross stuff should exist in any D&D group at all is reasonable. If your group were entirely composed of the aforementioned Game of Thrones fans happily using sex crimes for shock value in the privacy of their own game and not trying to override the comfort level of anyone in the group then that's what they find entertaining and there's no reason to tell them "no, don't, other people outside the game are uncomfortable that you exist." (If you try to do your edgy GoT-fan sex-crimes game in a public place, though, that constitutes imposing your comfort level on innocent passers-by and you may find the venue booting you out.)

I would no longer feel safe around such people and would immediately have nothing else to do with them.

That is a major warning to avoid that person, they sound very immature.

I don't understand how this could even be a question? I mean did this even add to the story, did it make the character more interesting and engaging? I'm guessing not, and that it made a few other people uncomfortable.

Personally I'd leave that group ASAP, the DM should not have allowed this.

However on the plus side, you know now who to avoid so they have helped you in a round about way.

Thing is, I learned last night, Everyone is ok with this, even the 16-18 year old girl in the game. The party leader was like yeah he does that some times and we have told him not to, but I don't think it's ever going to be a flat out prohibition. Worse, the DM flat out enabled this GoT BS by saying he's playing his character the way his character is written.

Bad DM, Bad group leader, just bad all around. I pieced out around the time the Barbarian tried to steal my literal tattoos of the claw. The ones inked into my body.

 LordofHats wrote:
This is literally 99% of the made up gak on rpghorrorstories and the 1% of it that probably isn't made up.

Anyone who believes RPGhorrorstories is 99% made up definitely has not been in too many groups composed just of random people that want to play DnD.

I thought for years that I hated DnD and RPG games in general until I figured out that you just need to start with socially functioning well adjusted human beings and get them interested in DnD, and not start with people who want to play DnD who don't have a group and hope that they're going to be socially functioning well adjusted human beings.

If you try to kick off a DnD campaign in any kind of public forum and sift through the character sheets you'll stop seeing the matrix. I don't even see the ones and zeroes anymore - i just see

-fetish
-fetish
-edgelord
-chaotic stupid
-fetish
-edgelord...

Depends on the players, the game, the theme. People have very different tollerence levels or themes they wish to explore for whatever reason and especially in a new or ad hoc group - this can bring up issues.

That being said no one should play in any game that makes them uncomfortable - sometimes putting that someone is uncomfortable across may be difficult? Also some people just won't get it!

I would probably excuse myself from the group in this case. It might be possible to deal with these themes in a roleplaying game, but you said you didn't want to and really, that should be that.

That seems to be the best advice.

If you are uncomfortable, and the group has no interest in changing, than there is nothing else to be said. It is over and the group is not for you.

FezzikDaBullgryn wrote:
Thing is, I learned last night, Everyone is ok with this, even the 16-18 year old girl in the game. The party leader was like yeah he does that some times and we have told him not to, but I don't think it's ever going to be a flat out prohibition. Worse, the DM flat out enabled this GoT BS by saying he's playing his character the way his character is written.

Bad DM, Bad group leader, just bad all around. I pieced out around the time the Barbarian tried to steal my literal tattoos of the claw. The ones inked into my body.

I never say this, but its warranted:

Yikes.

I would walk away and never look back. I would never play at a table with a group that allows people to play out their rape fantasies, and which is so seemingly so incapable of enforcing boundaries that they let a player get away with that gak even after telling them not to.

If there are groups that want to play that type of game, they are free to do so, but its not a group that I would play with, and they aren't people I would be friends with.

So the DM lets the character go in to a possessed state, but lets the player run the character?

I would insist on the events of the possessed state being under DM control and only revealed in the aftermath where they present a situation the characters have to deal with.

Not as some cringy fantasy a player wants to subject myself and the party too. I'm okay with dark themes in my games, sex, murder or otherwise.

As a DM I bring the consequences.

Details about stuff like that really shouldn't be covered.

That's a "Ok, whatever, Mr. Elf goes and satiates his blood lust. Moving on." kind of moment. An off camera moment. Not important enough to warrant any time wasted.

Players and DM should have a "session 0" to set the tone of the campaign. Some groups will have no issue with these subjects being breeched in the DnD game, others will.

I'll echo the others here, Fezzik. You're right to leave. Something like what's mentioned should only be done if EVERYONE at the table is okay with it-not just some.

So I would reiterate that this person went into detail of their (It's a male running a slutty female elf) acts for FIFTEEN MINUTES. I can't describe my feelings for cheese for 15 minutes. I can maybe describe living in NYC for 5 minutes. But for 15 minutes, I was volume off, mic muted. How do you RP that for 15 minutes?

Jeez. Keep the recording, you may need to provide it as evidence one day...

I mean, as a plot point maybe, but only if was agreed beforehand that such conduct was okay. Otherwise as long as the group is on board with it and it doesn’t become too needlessly drawn out.

So I was invited to the group way late, like 50th session. This was started way back in Covid times. There may have been a "warning" but I was not present or even aware, and no warning was given before I "joined" the group. I should have known I guess when a female Rogue dressed in a people suit, with a thick new Jersey accent, wearing a belt of ears, and playing with a puppet made of bits of animal, was one of the party members. But I try to give every person the same 10 feet of rope. The shy player may blossum into a good bard, the overly murdery hobo might become the best paladin of servitude ever. But 50/50 hindsight and all that.

I am told the player themselves is a wonderful father and great friend, but I've never met them. I hope they find a happier path.