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How do!

Been wracking my sad, pathetic lump of knackered grey goo I laughingly call a brain looking for the next cinematic beneficiary of critical mercy. And with the trailer for the new He-Man movie coming out, this seemed like low hanging fruit.

And it’s a film that irritated me as a nipper. It took severe liberties with the cartoon I adored, and missed a bunch of my favourite characters, whilst introducing some “who the bloody hell are you” characters. But, as I’ve now watched it a few times as an allegedly mature adult? It does have its good points. Which I’ll rattle off now.

1. Frank Langella stole the entire film. Whilst not as cackling as we might expect? His Skeletor was really good. The makeup was also really good.

2. Meg Foster as Evil-Lyn was an inspired bit of casting. Her frankly remarkable eyes helped give her a certain otherworldliness.

3. Those skimmers and attack disc things. Nothing really like them in the cartoon, but my god the effects here really sold them.

4. Blade might’ve been an absolute no-one, but the actor’s stage fight skills made him a distinct high point.

5. The entire cast are having a great time playing honestly quite silly roles entirely straight.

In fact, whilst I still bemoan that the characters we expected (Trap Jaw, Mer-Man et al) didn’t show up? Skeletor’s goons looked really, really good. As does much of the design work if I’m being honest. Different from the source and expectation does not mean crap after all.

The shift to then modern day Earth was of course a budgetary decision, but at least the plot gave us an interesting reason why.

Overall? If this had been slightly reskinned to not be a He-Man movie and instead a more generic kid friendly action flick? Or if this was the origin of the franchise? I think it would’ve been held in much higher regard. Because despite Canon and its usual penny pinching budgets, this is a fun film. Particularly, as with so, so many movies of its era and target audience? It’s carried by Really Good Villains.

So…yeah. I still stand by my childhood reaction, because I wasn’t alone in that reaction, and that’s why it ultimately bombed. But looked at subjectively? You’ve a fun, surprisingly well made film.

But there will always be a part of me slightly jealous that My Absolute Favourite Cartoon As A Kid didn’t get a film of the same faithfulness and outrageous quality as Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. A film which won’t get one of these threads, because it’s objectively brilliant.

I like the movie more than I liked the cartoon. The first time I saw it I was disappointed it wasn’t the exact same, but by the second time I was glad that it was giving us something else. I have the same feelings for Super Mario Bros, so maybe I just like weird 80’s cheese.

I liked it as a kid. We had a fella that came around with a transit van full of VHS tapes we called the Video Man and Masters of the Universe was one of my regular choices from his selection along with Transformers the movie.

Super Mario Bros was at least a big swing. It doesn't land exactly but it was a wild time watching that when I'd spent the summer playing Mario 3!

I think Evil-Lyn was about the only thing I liked about this movie.

I saw this when it came out, and as both a massive He-Man fan and a teenager with strong feelings about movies changing stuff from the source, the fact that outside of those couple of main characters none of it looked anything like the cartoon was a massive disappointment.

These days I'm a lot more forgiving of 'creative' liberties being taken with movie adaptions, so I should probably give it another chance. Although I'm still not a fan of the whole 'fantasy character crosses into our world to save on the production budget' trope.

Mario was just way, way too different. I think it’s a piss poor adaptation, but not necessarily a bad film for it.

MOTU however? It’s not what anyone ordered, but is still a filling meal. And honestly, for an adaptation strangled by a budget and Canon’s ongoing trouble? You can feel every single red cent paid.

Though a cursory google shows the 1990 TMNT movie came in $5m lower, and of course made a handsome profit. But then…its costuming costs were strictly focussed, as were its SFX on account nothing especially sci-fi was required.

I do think MOTU has aged like a fine wine, or a fine cheese. Now we’re several steps removed from the original cartoon (which I’ll admit in hindsight was pretty gak), it can stand on its own two feet.

It’s by no means a masterpiece. But I would say, despite missing its mark at the time? It’s a helluva lot better than it had to be. Just not as better as it had to be as TMNT.

I mean…Turtles were huge at the time. You could’ve stuck a tiny cocktail stick flag in a dog turd at that time and I, along with many others, would’ve paid to see it. Instead? We got a genuinely good martial arts flick!


Automatically Appended Next Post:
Am into the finale now, and I’ve noticed something for the first time.

Don’t worry, it’s not a Michael McIntyre noticing things, and I’m not wobbling my head.

But..when Skeletor comes into the power of Greyskull? He declares himself a god and gains some nifty golden armour.

A wee bit later, He-Man regains the Sword of Power, says the line….and doesn’t change. Doesn’t instantly heal the whip welts on his back. Doesn’t get nifty armour. Doesn’t become buffer. He’s still just in his undies and his shoes.

I’m not gonna pretend the film makers thought about in this way? But to me, it stands as an allegory of your sense of self worth and how you handle power.

Skeletor there is All Ego. Big, gaudy display of power. Making up for something he fundamentally lacks. He-Man? The Power of Greyskull instead enhances everything he’s spent the film demonstrating himself to be. Noble. Will to self sacrifice. Indomitable. Using his power for the good of others.

It’s pretty cool!

When the first MOTU film was being developed the lore most are familiar with hadn't completely solidified yet. The figures originally came with little comics that are very different from the cartoon, such as no alter ego for He Man and him using the axe/shield more.

If we’re bringing Turtles into this, I think TMNT 1 is the better movie but will choose to rewatch TMNT 2 over it every time.


Automatically Appended Next Post:
If we’re bringing Turtles into this, I think TMNT 1 is the better movie but will choose to rewatch TMNT 2 over it every time.

 BobtheInquisitor wrote:
If we’re bringing Turtles into this, I think TMNT 1 is the better movie but will choose to rewatch TMNT 2 over it every time.


Automatically Appended Next Post:
If we’re bringing Turtles into this, I think TMNT 1 is the better movie but will choose to rewatch TMNT 2 over it every time.

What about part 3?

I don’t think about part 3 at all.

I’m still very impressed with the quality of the first two Turtles movies.

The first is a legitimate Kung-Fu movie, with solid, well choreographed punch ups, which whilst I’m sure many parents at the time wouldn’t agree, mostly remains kid friendly.

Secret of the Ooze of course tones it down. And fair enough on that count. But only down. The fights are still pretty impressive, just a bit more “pulling our punches”.

Third one is….fine, I guess? Goes well off the rails in places, but never forgets to have fun.

The first one holds up. The second is closer to what people expect when they watch the first one for better or worse. It's nowhere near as good as the first and far more a product of its time, but as a result, has more "product of its time" silliness to enjoy. The third is all kinds of garbage.

 BobtheInquisitor wrote:
I don’t think about part 3 at all.

back when i worked with kids, part 3 was the movie i'd put on if they'd been terrible that shift