Forum adverts like this one are shown to any user who is not logged in. Join us by filling out a tiny 3 field form and you will get your own, free, dakka user account which gives a good range of benefits to you: No adverts like this in the forums anymore. Times and dates in your local timezone. Full tracking of what you have read so you can skip to your first unread post, easily see what has changed since you last logged in, and easily see what is new at a glance. Email notifications for threads you want to watch closely. Being a part of the oldest wargaming community on the net. If you are already a member then feel free to login now.

These Rules are in no way meant for competitive play but merely for the pouposes of fun and an added element to random craziness of real life warfare and the absurdities of murphy's law.

These rules were made and inspired based on the "The Ultimate War Sim" article by David Wong. Sometimes in the Grim future there is only war. Well not all wars are easy move, shoot, and assault. I too want a game where I can spend hours on and pull the hair out of my head and by the end of the game you get max sportsmanship points for not crushing your models and sending a basilisk 50 miles an hour into a wall watching it shatter to peices. (inside joke and jab at myself)

Here are a few (actually many) things I want to make a more real 40k.

1) I want a world that the weather or time of the day can affect the whole game. No world has perfect weather or anything to those likes 100% of the time. I want it so a damned hurricane or tornado that can randomly blow away troops or fling debris into my tanks putting chinks in their armor or an earth quake to open up and swallow up half my army.

2) I want it so your platoon of guardsmen spend 6 turns wandering around in the night with the jr officer holding out his map and compass trying to find the enemy or atleast where they are supposed to go on patrol.

3) I also want the terrain to explode or be on fire. I want flamers to put woods on fire and make all the troops for every turn they are in the burning woods take a strength 3 hit. I also want orbital strikes or any other ordinance to blow up buildings and send debris all over taking out troops left and right. Anything else blown up turns to craters.

4) For army selection I want the High Lords of Terra to decide the use of force in the mission from simple police actions to full on invasions. Also have some cocky warboss think he can take out a world with just 3 squads of boyz. I want it so due to budget cuts your not allowed to take the nifty lascannon or plasmagun but instead the grenade launcher and an auto cannon.

5) I want instead of missions like cleanse or take and hold to have missions where every turn without letting me know. I want also complex mission objectives like "declare exterminatus" and "do not offend the natives of the planet" or even "kill the traitors but keep the city intact". I want my Hive mind to make the mission on "eat everything in sight". I want Chaos to try and convert people while trying to stay under the radar from the inquisition.

6) I want to shoot at my own troops for failing a break test. I should get victory points for making an example of "no surrender, no retreat". I want then later my troops to frag the commisar for shooting their buddies up.

7) I want my troops to every once in a while question what the hell they are doing and randomly dessert or fight one another, or refuse to charge an enemy especially if its a bloodthirster. I also want a surrendering option should they get assaulted and the enemy can steal their weapons and now make use of a devasator squad's 4 tankhunter lascannons.

I want vehicles to randomly break down or get stuck in mud and weapons jam and random people die due to training accidents or troopers falling down and breaking their legs on slipper surfaces or about 1/3 of my army gets wounded because of dangerous deep striking or teleporter accidents. I want my reserves to come off in the board next to me because someone read a map wrong or theres detours. About every turn I want one of my skimmers to crash, completely on its own, for some fething reason.

9) I want a public support table for casualties taken in the game and then have meetings with the high lords of terra to see what the hell is going on.
Likewise I want a favor of the chaos gods table for chaos depending on how they do their god's bidding and Khorne gets bonuses to their army for every couple models killed in the game. I also want a tactical withdrawl option much like phase out where if I think im getting beaten too badly my army will start to break down or mass panic. For orks I want it so that if there are too many ork losses some brave nob declares a challenge to the Warboss and tries to take his job.

10) I want the tyranids to have without number for all their units and to have crazy tentacles capture japanese school girls.

11) I want Orks to have weapons that 1/4 of the time blow up on them due to the fact that they pressed the wrong button. I also want orks before the game to loot random vehicles and use them for their own purposes.

12) I want some peace-niks and alien lovers or chaos worshipers to tie themselves up against vehicles and act like a grot save.

13) I want smarter orks who know how to shoot after surviving a few battles I think anyone by experience can learn how to point and shoot.

14) I want the ability to declare exterminatus, or use some doomsday device or means to destroy the entire battlefield if you want to but causing a double loss and massive reductions in public support or favor to the chaos gods.

15) I want Inquisitors with their own agenda and their own mission objecives and they then openly torture their captives and make the enemy permanently at -1 leadership.

16) I want to use nuclear weapons, gas weapons, weapons that are banned by every intergalatic treaty and if you dont use these weapons you get extra points.

17) I want my special characters to kill 100 guys and rampage an army but when they accidentally blow up a building full of school children they have to be arrested/ congratulated depending on what faction they are. I also want crazy assasins to take out special characters.

1 I want an army or race like France. Nuff said.

19)I want a fourth of my models dying to come from friendly fire and non-combat or training accidents. I want a special character who rallies the army with his close combat weapon of Smiting. Only to get shot in the back by the lowly private with the lasgun.

20) I want a news media table to tell me how people are thinking of my war on the enemy and fat *donkey*political commentators to bash the war and dudley army chair generals cheerleading my army's performance despite blowing up an orphanage.

21) I want the Tau to learn that close combat is the key to winning and to attach huge freaking lightsabers onto their battle suits.

22) I want titans to step on troops and no forcefield or armor can allow a save for getting squashed.

23) I want the Dark Eldar to get randomly hunted down by white scars by chance each battle.

24) I want every 4th drop pod to burn up in the atmosphere because someone didnt put on the abalative heat shields for the drop.

25) I want it so plasmaguns work better when you chant to the machine gods or when the guardsman reads the plasmagun manual for +1 point.

lastly

26) I want the squats back


anyone else has suggestions feel free to add on to whatever you like

And here I thought masochism was restricted to PHYSICAL pain...

12) I want some peace-niks and alien lovers or chaos worshipers to tie themselves up against vehicles and act like a grot save.

Pentient Engine?

16) I want to use nuclear weapons, gas weapons, weapons that are banned by every intergalatic treaty and if you dont use these weapons you get extra points.

Comp Scores.

I want the Dark Eldar to get randomly hunted down by white scars by chance each battle.

Hardly matters, they'll be playing against SM for the rest of their life anyways.

is there any other army?

They were meant to be funny. Please dont take these rules seriously.


  Here are some additional rules and things to further suppliment the ultimaye 40K Game.


  27) I want the tau to learn that guns work in close range as well and shoot people in close combat but then every miss is a hit on their own guys. Same can be applied to all other armies.

 28) Instead of public support tables for eldar they should have a population table to see how close to extintction they are and how even so more desperate their situation is.

 29) I want missions that have demonstrations of peace-niks or protesters in the middle of the board protesting my actions only for me to roll the tanks and troops in to kill them all.

 30) I want orks to HAVE Ork Roks drop from the sky and land onto the battlefield and just deluge out orks. Orks are the origional drop podders.
 
31) I want Necrons to have a Ctan pop up in games of 5000 points or more

32) I want Necrons to assimilate the enemy and create new Necrons.

33) I want Mercenary Armies to sub in for your actual army but if the national media finds out, your public opinion goes way down.

34) I want to have shows to entertain the troops and keep them busy for a turn so the enemy can further deploy.

35) I want infiltrators to mean your infiltrating not hiding behind something but being in the army to kill the enemy's general and then run like hell and hope you dont die.

 

36) I want to change the rules for snipers. For every unit of snipers you place on the table, count the number of models that actually have sniper weapons. This is the number of actual shots you get to take at the enemy army, using a Red Ryder style BB gun from Daisy. No more of this hit on a 2+, wound on a 4+, 2d6 for AP garbage. If you hit it and move it, it's wounded and you get an armor save. If you hit it and knock it over, you get an invulnerable save. If you hit the vehicle and the round bounces off, nothing happens. If you imbed the BB in the vehicle, you get a glancing hit. If you penetrate the vehicle with the BB, you get a penetrating hit. All shots must be taken 4 foot away from your starting board edge. Any modification to optics for your Red Ryder is allowed, but you may not alter the firing mechanism. You may select any type of BB you wish. 

This may result in more 'ard coat being sold by GW.