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Borderline personality disorder. Would you? Have you ever dated anyone with it?

I would not.

I haven't dated anybody, but I've been around enough people with it to realize that a high level of emotional lability isn't going to work for me.

After giving BSP a quick read on Wikipedia, this sounds like my last ex. Whether or not this is her condition is unknown, whilst we were dating there was no evaluation and communication afterwards has been scant at best.

My suggestion is a wishy washy cop out. You need to decide if you can cope with it on an emotional level. I couldn't. I probably shouldn't have tried so hard over the years only to get burnt out at the end, and at that point the relationship was a toxic dump which did none of us any favors.

Relationships are emotionally unstable enough as it is. You really want to throw personality disorders in on top of that?

It all depends on what the penis wants, not what you want.

Having dated a border line girl I say run, run as fast as you can. The intentions may be good but it usually ends up as a match made in hell. Apparently damaged and emotionally unstable women have been fated to me more times then I'd care for and it's always been exceedingly stressful and never worked out. Maybe you'll be the one in a million that it does comes up roses for, but in most cases it won't.

This also comes with having experience working at a womens rehab facility that also treats a lot of emotional issues. Most BPD types also have other very deep issues going on, far beyond just the instability, many also have severe body issues and/or eating disorders. Additionally most tend to self regulate with drugs or alcohol which further impedes their ability to control their emotional state. Those that use proper medications usually end up discontinuing those meds as soon as they feel fine, which results in it spiraling deeply out of control, moreso than if they weren't on the meds to begin with, as it leaves their system they have little to no ability to fight those swings as their mental state is even more derailed by the changes in brain chemistry that's caused by the sudden absence of those medicines. If their case is severe this is usually when they end up in hospitals for attempted suicides or manic breaks as it triggers very severe extremes.

A particularly troubling effect for relationships is that during their swings they form very intense bonds and attachments with people at a moments notice (including sexual ones) They can be in a deep committed relationship but will abandon it for somebody they just met 5 minutes ago. When they are more in the right mind they are very stressed by the fall out from those events and naturally it really damages any effort to have a healthy relationship. Often their interest in you might be a result of one of those swings and once things level out you become aware of this new relationship being founded one of the swing moments or from a rebound which is never good.

What they say can be very passionate, moving, and captivating stuff because they truly believe it 100% with all their heart at the time they say it, but minutes later they can be a completely different person and have the same absolute conviction in something else entirely. If you have no background in BPD it's a very intoxicating effect initially as it's very intense to be with somebody like that but it doesn't last for long.

Don't get me wrong you can care deeply for them but there are things that will forever remain out of your control and the relationship suffers intensely as a result.

Speaking from experience I would say not, and I've read plenty of similar stories. I've read blogs trying to defend BPD from prejudice and ask for support and understanding, which is very nice until you're on the receiving end of it. Then you realise why people say to avoid.

I guess in an abstract hypothetical I'd say I could, but I think it's a lot more likely that an issue like that would wear me down pretty quickly. We're all just human and as nice as it is to think we'd sacrifice anything and everything for our one true love, in reality relationships are lived day by day, and its hard enough to stay in love with someone with no behavioural issues.

Actually I currently am. I've not been on the receiving end that everyone's mentioning yet though, but I've seen it directed at others.

I would say it all depends how into the person you are, and also where they stand on what is a very big spectrum. I think as long as its generally a neurosis rather then a psychosis issue it will be manageable and you should be able to handle it.

From experience i would not suggest you just write the idea off, but i would say that you should make sure the future partner is willing to engage in treatment and while pills and various drugs are good engagement in psychotherapy is normally needed.

My experience of this is that CBT can be hugely effective at turning things around for sufferers of BPD.

Given time and the right treatment most people will go on to function normally and have limited problems with symptoms while many will in time find them selves totally free of symptoms and living a pretty normal admittedly CBT guided life.

It all comes down to how much you care for the person, and how much gak your willing to put up with in the short term (few years). If they are worth a bit of trouble for the good times they give you then go for it.

Yes, probably.
If only to experience it, so that I can make my own jugement

 Rismonite wrote:
Borderline personality disorder. Would you? Have you ever dated anyone with it?

So not BiPolar but Borderline? (haven't heard of that one). Without knowing more I'd run to the hills and burn the bridges behind me in case they are following with a chainsaw.

Seriously as the Immortal Bard once said: "Don't crazy."


Automatically Appended Next Post:
Can someone expand on what exactly borderline personality is?

 Frazzled wrote:
Can someone expand on what exactly borderline personality is?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Borderline_personality_disorder

At a first glance it does have similarity to bipolar, though bpd is caused by the environment while bipolar is more a chemical imbalance. Then this can swap more than bipolar since if I remember right that has two types and will either swing to manic or depressive.

The most distinguishing symptoms of BPD are marked sensitivity to rejection and thinking about and feeling afraid of possible abandonment.[10] Overall, the features of BPD include unusually intense sensitivity in relationships with others, difficulty regulating emotions, and impulsivity. Other symptoms can include feeling unsure of one's personal identity and values, having paranoid thoughts when feeling stressed, and severe dissociation.

Oh wow that sounds like crap. Run away!

 n0t_u wrote:


At a first glance it does have similarity to bipolar, though bpd is caused by the environment while bipolar is more a chemical imbalance. Then this can swap more than bipolar since if I remember right that has two types and will either swing to manic or depressive.

The most distinguishing symptoms of BPD are marked sensitivity to rejection and thinking about and feeling afraid of possible abandonment.[10] Overall, the features of BPD include unusually intense sensitivity in relationships with others, difficulty regulating emotions, and impulsivity. Other symptoms can include feeling unsure of one's personal identity and values, having paranoid thoughts when feeling stressed, and severe dissociation.

Most people that are self diagnosed as "bipolar" actually have BPD. Bipolar Affective disorders don't generally have mood swings as much as they have long periods of mania or depression. A person with dramatic and short mood swings is probably BPD.

Did it once, never again - first 3 months were great, the last 6 were among the worst months of my life. Girls with disorders are not always fun.

I think it would depend on what you need. I don't experience the highs and lows of life too strongly, I just have a very strong tendency to drift back towards the middle- sort of stoic, I suppose.

My wife is quite the opposite- seeing a calf on the side of the interstate can cause her to shriek like a schoolgirl, while stepping on a worm by accident can ruin her whole morning.
A tiny love note in her lunchbox can have more impact than fancy jewelry, while not hearing her from across the room over our kids can get me in the doghouse all night.

Now, she is not BPD to the best of my knowledge, and importantly has never attempted to harm herself or displayed self destructive behavior once we were together.

My point was that through her, I get to experience the highs and lows of life I'd normally rationalize away. She makes my life infinitely brighter than it would be without her. She gives me the contrast I'd otherwise lack. Unless you are yourself an exceptionally, almost problematically, stable individual, this may not be the relationship for you. Think about what you want and what you need, and if this someone can supply it.

 Polonius wrote:

 n0t_u wrote:


At a first glance it does have similarity to bipolar, though bpd is caused by the environment while bipolar is more a chemical imbalance. Then this can swap more than bipolar since if I remember right that has two types and will either swing to manic or depressive.

The most distinguishing symptoms of BPD are marked sensitivity to rejection and thinking about and feeling afraid of possible abandonment.[10] Overall, the features of BPD include unusually intense sensitivity in relationships with others, difficulty regulating emotions, and impulsivity. Other symptoms can include feeling unsure of one's personal identity and values, having paranoid thoughts when feeling stressed, and severe dissociation.

Most people that are self diagnosed as "bipolar" actually have BPD. Bipolar Affective disorders don't generally have mood swings as much as they have long periods of mania or depression. A person with dramatic and short mood swings is probably BPD.

Yep, with type one being mania and type two being depression. BPD seems to be much more erratic than simple highs and lows bipolar seems to have. Even then bipolar seems to lean greatly in one of the directions if mixed, whereas those self diagnosed are probably going both ways. It's "fun" watching the diagnosis of bipolar get bounced around until they stick to one of them. :/

Are you prepared to give her a lot of loving? And my that I don't mean frequent sex, but high maintenance.

Someone who needs a lot of loving and gets a lot of loving might be better off in a relationship with you so long as you can sustain it.

It matters most about your personality, some guys love to give, some love to share, some love to take. A high mainteanance girlfriend suits someone in the first category, is iffy for the second and bad news for the third.

This is a generalisation, but we can only be generally accurate anyway.

I really think that paulson games said it best, but I would also echo Frazz's sentiments;

My mother was in one for a couple of years. It eventually ended while my family was on vacation staying with them, in a rather messy manner...

It's hard to say "no" because honestly they deserve to be in relationships as well, it is not there fault the issues that crop up. But for their partner, it can be absolute hell.

I have a relationship with Dakka OT, so I would say yes.

This thread should be tied to the Valentine's Day "where to take a date" thread.

What could go wrong?

It would be pretty hard to tell for the first while though wouldn't it?

I mean I doubt people go around broadcasting it.

As for the "communication has been scant at best comment"

I doubt that's BPD, that's just the relationship being over surely?

I'd be down if she were super hot. It's not like I'd be interested in marriage, I'd just knock boots with her and when I got bored, ditch her ass. I don't care if she throws fits and comes to my work or house, I looooove that drama, I THRIVE on it.

Unfortunately, as a straight man, I'm gonna have to say 'no.'

In women, it's common for sociopaths to be misdiagnosed with borderline personality disorder.

And I don't wanna wind up dead in my sleep.

 Frazzled wrote:
Oh wow that sounds like crap. Run away!

Agreed , BPD people can be extremely vile, and I'd say chances of catching an STD off them would be reasonably high with the whole impulsive behaviour part of the illness.

Jimsolo , I've never heard of that before. Even more reason to be wary/scared/running.

 Ahtman wrote:
I have a relationship with Dakka OT, so I would say yes.

Nice one.

Also I have to answer this one with a "most likely yes". In as much as if I ever end up finding a lady who is actually interested in me and I can put up with...she'll most likely have to be at least a little bit crazy (if only because I'm most likely messed up in some way too).

 Rismonite wrote:
Borderline personality disorder. Would you? Have you ever dated anyone with it?

Dude, not only did I dated a BPD gal, I dated a BPD gal that was my roomate and in most of my classes.

It was horrible.

You never know what to expect. And if that sounds like most relationship, believe me, its nowhere near that level. It was impossible for her to tell me what she wanted, and it being a relationship between roomates, I wanted to take things slowly, which she pretty much always interpreted as rejection. I shared that with her once, telling her that I was having a hard time reading her. She reacted by spending the next three days in her room.

Also, one thing I noticed, while she would sometimes be super kinky in her advances, she was by far the lamest of all in the sack. Like, pathologically incapable of doing any physical movement while naked.

Its sad really. I hope she finds someone who can deal with her issues, preferably herself, but there's no way in hell I'm actually talking to that girl ever again.

I would never! Absolutely never!
My little brother has BPD and having to live with him is already more than enough of a nightmare.

 Jimsolo wrote:
Unfortunately, as a straight man, I'm gonna have to say 'no.'

In women, it's common for sociopaths to be misdiagnosed with borderline personality disorder.

And I don't wanna wind up dead in my sleep.

Have a safe room and only sleep in that.
If she snaps, your safe