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When I asked her out she said she likes me, but doesn't want a relationship right now. She's also pretty shy, but a lot more candid texting(or on steam) than in person.
However, she also wants to go out for drinks at some point.
Couldn't agree more, though I really doubt how a date can go so bad in those circumstances that you are the only one to have enjoyed yourself lol.
Exactly. They almost never do. It is simply a mechanism to help deal with nerves/fear.
Automatically Appended Next Post:
xole wrote: I've got one I can't quite wrap my head around.
When I asked her out she said she likes me, but doesn't want a relationship right now. She's also pretty shy, but a lot more candid texting(or on steam) than in person.
However, she also wants to go out for drinks at some point.
Do you have to be in a relationship to go out and have some fun?
This message was edited 2 times. Last update was at 2014/03/06 19:16:32
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kronk wrote: Obviously, I've done my homework, too!
Well done! Although you only get a C because she's already your fiancee. Saying that, if she wasn't already your fiancee when you asked her on the date, you get an A+++!
xole wrote: I've got one I can't quite wrap my head around.
When I asked her out she said she likes me, but doesn't want a relationship right now. She's also pretty shy, but a lot more candid texting(or on steam) than in person.
However, she also wants to go out for drinks at some point.
Doesn't seem that hard to figure out IMO. She's a tease. She enjoys flirting with you, but doesn't want anything else. And as long as you hold up your part of the bargain, she's happy to continue teasing you. Pretty nice and convenient for her, huh? Think about it...what does going out for drinks "at some point" even mean?
If it was me, I'd move on. IME, those girls are usually trouble. If you're unwilling to do that, try not answering her texts or whatever for a while and see what happens. Change the dynamic and stop playing the role she wants you to play.
xole wrote: I've got one I can't quite wrap my head around.
When I asked her out she said she likes me, but doesn't want a relationship right now. She's also pretty shy, but a lot more candid texting(or on steam) than in person.
However, she also wants to go out for drinks at some point.
Doesn't seem that hard to figure out IMO. She's a tease. She enjoys flirting with you, but doesn't want anything else. And as long as you hold up your part of the bargain, she's happy to continue teasing you. Pretty nice and convenient for her, huh? Think about it...what does going out for drinks "at some point" even mean?
If it was me, I'd move on. IME, those girls are usually trouble. If you're unwilling to do that, try not answering her texts or whatever for a while and see what happens. Change the dynamic and stop playing the role she wants you to play.
The "at some point" is because of me, because right now I'm busy with mid terms and papers.
This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2014/03/06 19:59:10
xole wrote: I've got one I can't quite wrap my head around.
When I asked her out she said she likes me, but doesn't want a relationship right now. She's also pretty shy, but a lot more candid texting(or on steam) than in person.
However, she also wants to go out for drinks at some point.
Doesn't seem that hard to figure out IMO. She's a tease. She enjoys flirting with you, but doesn't want anything else. And as long as you hold up your part of the bargain, she's happy to continue teasing you. Pretty nice and convenient for her, huh? Think about it...what does going out for drinks "at some point" even mean?
If it was me, I'd move on. IME, those girls are usually trouble. If you're unwilling to do that, try not answering her texts or whatever for a while and see what happens. Change the dynamic and stop playing the role she wants you to play.
Yep, I had the same thing with the girl from my earlier story. Stopped texting her and going over to say 'hi' at work, lo and behold, she starts texting me and coming to see me. Women are weird like that. Sometimes they want to push you away, but not ALL the way away, if you take my meaning. Just play it cool. Talk to other chicks. Make sure she sees.
-"Wait a minute.....who is that Frazz is talking to in the gallery? Hmmm something is going on here.....Oh.... it seems there is some dispute over video taping of some sort......Frazz is really upset now..........wait a minute......whats he go there.......is it? Can it be?....Frazz has just unleashed his hidden weiner dog from his mini bag, while quoting shakespeares "Let slip the dogs the war!!" GG
-"Don't mind Frazzled. He's just Dakka's crazy old dude locked in the attic. He's harmless. Mostly."
-TBone the Magnificent 1999-2014, Long Live the King!
If you're going to a movie, pick one that fits the situation.
Went with a girl to see Twilight: Breaking Dawn pt.2.
I went in full MSTK3 mode throughout the entire movie (for what it's worth, the theatre was almost empty). I don't feel that she was too happy with me.
But I had a great time (as did a few people in the audience who joined in).
Point is, know your audience. Just because she says she wants to watch Twilight for the laughs doesn't mean she wants to watch Twilight for the laughs (for what it's worth, it is easily one of the funniest movies of the decade, totally worth watching).
Cheesecat wrote: I've ice climbed before but I don't remember much touching being involved (other than when starting up).
Automatically Appended Next Post: Maybe the attitude is different in the UK but "laser-Tag" is considered something for young children in Canada.
So is playing with Toy Soldiers.
I have done Laser-tag on dates, and we had a blast. Granted, it probably isn't the only thing you do. You also do some other stuff like bowling, eating, wall climbing, bouncy house, DDR, roller skating, and general silliness. It really depends on who you are going out with. Plus, the novelty of it again leads to memory and shared experience which is a huge bonus.
My motto is to do something I enjoy doing so even if the date is crap, I will still have had fun. Plus, if you are doing something you like you are more likely to be having fun. You can then transfer this positive energy to the person you are with and they are more likely to have fun too! A fun date usually = second date.
If they aren't into it and there is no second date.... well too bad for them because they just missed out on a ton of fun! They should be pittied.
Ice skating. Ice skating is the ultimate action date. Why? Well, in the US at least, the average girl doesn't know how to ice skate. She hits the ice, has trouble balancing... what do you do? You hold her by the hands and help her stay steady, tease her a little bit, and help teach her how to skate. Its perfect, and its FUN.
Incidentally chaps, I have a date squared away for this weekend and got another girl's number on Tinder. Get out there and make it happen, people!
So how attractive is the average girl you go on dates with? We talkin HB7+ or like HB3-4... cuz you go on a lot of dates
CoALabaer wrote: Wargamers hate two things: the state of the game and change.
Cheesecat wrote: I've ice climbed before but I don't remember much touching being involved (other than when starting up).
Automatically Appended Next Post: Maybe the attitude is different in the UK but "laser-Tag" is considered something for young children in Canada.
So is playing with Toy Soldiers.
I have done Laser-tag on dates, and we had a blast. Granted, it probably isn't the only thing you do. You also do some other stuff like bowling, eating, wall climbing, bouncy house, DDR, roller skating, and general silliness. It really depends on who you are going out with. Plus, the novelty of it again leads to memory and shared experience which is a huge bonus.
My motto is to do something I enjoy doing so even if the date is crap, I will still have had fun. Plus, if you are doing something you like you are more likely to be having fun. You can then transfer this positive energy to the person you are with and they are more likely to have fun too! A fun date usually = second date.
If they aren't into it and there is no second date.... well too bad for them because they just missed out on a ton of fun! They should be pittied.
Ice skating. Ice skating is the ultimate action date. Why? Well, in the US at least, the average girl doesn't know how to ice skate. She hits the ice, has trouble balancing... what do you do? You hold her by the hands and help her stay steady, tease her a little bit, and help teach her how to skate. Its perfect, and its FUN.
My knees are fethed; if I take a fall on anything particularly solid and land even slightly awkwardly, then I'm off my feet for the next day or so. I'm also not very strong at all, and terrified of heights, so climbing isn't a good idea either. Essentially there's nothing 'action-y' that I can really do except things like laser quest and bowling (even if I am horrific at it); everything else won't end in fun, it'll end in pain and blood and tears.
Okay, maybe not blood.
Mandorallen turned back toward the insolently sneering baron. 'My Lord,' The great knight said distantly, 'I find thy face apelike and thy form misshapen. Thy beard, moreover, is an offence against decency, resembling more closely the scabrous fur which doth decorate the hinder portion of a mongrel dog than a proper adornment for a human face. Is it possibly that thy mother, seized by some wild lechery, did dally at some time past with a randy goat?' - Mimbrate Knight Protector Mandorallen.
Excerpt from "Seeress of Kell", Book Five of The Malloreon series by David Eddings.
"You need not fear us, unless you are a dark heart, a vile one who preys on the innocent; I promise, you can’t hide forever in the empty darkness, for we will hunt you down like the animals you are, and pull you into the very bowels of hell." Iron - Within Temptation
I'm afraid of heights but I still enjoyed ice climbing and indoor climbing, try new things you maybe surprised you like them more than you thought. Like I once attended a native sweat lodge ritual and I thought it would be boring sitting in a hot pitch-black hut soaking in my own sweat but it
turned out to be this awesome almost druggy experience.
This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2014/03/06 21:13:39
xole wrote: I've got one I can't quite wrap my head around.
When I asked her out she said she likes me, but doesn't want a relationship right now. She's also pretty shy, but a lot more candid texting(or on steam) than in person.
However, she also wants to go out for drinks at some point.
In my opinion all she is doing is trying to keep the companionship you guys have without it transforming into something all awkward on a 'date' experience(could be for her headspace benefit not yours). She has said she likes you and doesn't want a relationship now (how often is this line bs!) but wants to see you again. Don't do what I did and take the "not as a date" thing personally and let a good woman go.
Advice from the stupid. I know what I'm talking about.
Manchu - "But so what? The Bible also says the flood destroyed the world. You only need an allegorical boat to tackle an allegorical flood."
Shespits "Anything i see with YOLO has half naked eleventeen year olds Girls. And of course booze and drugs and more half naked elventeen yearolds Girls. O how i wish to YOLO again!"
Rubiksnoob "Next you'll say driving a stick with a Scandinavian supermodel on your lap while ripping a bong impairs your driving. And you know what, I'M NOT GOING TO STOP, YOU FILTHY COMMUNIST"
Cheesecat wrote: I'm afraid of heights but I still enjoyed ice climbing and indoor climbing, try new things you maybe surprised you like them more than you thought. Like I once attended a native sweat lodge ritual and I thought it would be boring sitting in a hot pitch-black hut soaking in my own sweat but it
turned out to be this awesome almost druggy experience.
Already tried indoor climbing before.
Nope.
I'm also not trying ice climbing, because I don't want to.
Any activity that is '______ climbing' is off my list forever; I can barely climb a ladder without gaking myself.
Mandorallen turned back toward the insolently sneering baron. 'My Lord,' The great knight said distantly, 'I find thy face apelike and thy form misshapen. Thy beard, moreover, is an offence against decency, resembling more closely the scabrous fur which doth decorate the hinder portion of a mongrel dog than a proper adornment for a human face. Is it possibly that thy mother, seized by some wild lechery, did dally at some time past with a randy goat?' - Mimbrate Knight Protector Mandorallen.
Excerpt from "Seeress of Kell", Book Five of The Malloreon series by David Eddings.
"You need not fear us, unless you are a dark heart, a vile one who preys on the innocent; I promise, you can’t hide forever in the empty darkness, for we will hunt you down like the animals you are, and pull you into the very bowels of hell." Iron - Within Temptation
As my one piece of dating wisdom, don't try picking up girls in clubs if you don't like going to clubs yourself - because then she thinks you share an interest in clubbing, which is expensive and not much fun (YMMV)
(unless you're looking for a one-nighter, in which case, clubs could work)
Glaiceana wrote: Ice skating is good though, because you can just go at your own pace, and it takes only a couple minutes to figure out how to do it
Hey, Glaice, do you wanna go ice-skating sometime?
Mandorallen turned back toward the insolently sneering baron. 'My Lord,' The great knight said distantly, 'I find thy face apelike and thy form misshapen. Thy beard, moreover, is an offence against decency, resembling more closely the scabrous fur which doth decorate the hinder portion of a mongrel dog than a proper adornment for a human face. Is it possibly that thy mother, seized by some wild lechery, did dally at some time past with a randy goat?' - Mimbrate Knight Protector Mandorallen.
Excerpt from "Seeress of Kell", Book Five of The Malloreon series by David Eddings.
"You need not fear us, unless you are a dark heart, a vile one who preys on the innocent; I promise, you can’t hide forever in the empty darkness, for we will hunt you down like the animals you are, and pull you into the very bowels of hell." Iron - Within Temptation
Anyway Alby, I realized with the fatal flaw in this thread, you skipped perhaps the most important part (or at least the one I have the most trouble with)... The Approach.
If I see a pretty lady at the other end of the bar, what do I do? If theres a cute girl sitting across from me on a train, what do I do? If I step outside of the bar and see a cute girl smoking a cigarette, what do I do? What about the waitress? The girl at the checkout counter of the local supermarket? The girl in the car next to mine at the stop light? The chick walking down the street in the city? What if she's with her friends? What if she's alone? What if she's with some guys (but they don't appear to be dating)? When is it appropriate to approach? When is it not?
CoALabaer wrote: Wargamers hate two things: the state of the game and change.
Anyway Alby, I realized with the fatal flaw in this thread, you skipped perhaps the most important part (or at least the one I have the most trouble with)... The Approach.
If I see a pretty lady at the other end of the bar, what do I do? If theres a cute girl sitting across from me on a train, what do I do? If I step outside of the bar and see a cute girl smoking a cigarette, what do I do? What about the waitress? The girl at the checkout counter of the local supermarket? The girl in the car next to mine at the stop light? The chick walking down the street in the city? What if she's with her friends? What if she's alone? What if she's with some guys (but they don't appear to be dating)? When is it appropriate to approach? When is it not?
Here is what I learned in my decade or so in sales. The number 1 reason a salesperson fails is because they never ask for the sale. It doesn't really matter how badly you ask, if you at least ask you get 20% of people saying Yes. 20% will always say No. Then the other 60% will say No to a bad approach and need some more convincing or a more sophisticated approach.
This also applies to dating. I had a friend that used the worst line ever, but it never failed to get him a date eventually because he was always asking people out on dates. Most folks without dates have never really come out and asked for one.
So, my answer is that the technique of the approach matters less than actually asking, even if it is as clumsy and boring as "Can we go out on a date?" That will put you at least into a 20% success rate. Now, to raise that 20% to a higher ratio involves skill and technique. However, if you don't know what to say or do; at least just ask for the date.
Support Blood and Spectacles Publishing:
https://www.patreon.com/Bloodandspectaclespublishing
Anyway Alby, I realized with the fatal flaw in this thread, you skipped perhaps the most important part (or at least the one I have the most trouble with)... The Approach.
If I see a pretty lady at the other end of the bar, what do I do? If theres a cute girl sitting across from me on a train, what do I do? If I step outside of the bar and see a cute girl smoking a cigarette, what do I do? What about the waitress? The girl at the checkout counter of the local supermarket? The girl in the car next to mine at the stop light? The chick walking down the street in the city? What if she's with her friends? What if she's alone? What if she's with some guys (but they don't appear to be dating)? When is it appropriate to approach? When is it not?
Anyway Alby, I realized with the fatal flaw in this thread, you skipped perhaps the most important part (or at least the one I have the most trouble with)... The Approach.
If I see a pretty lady at the other end of the bar, what do I do? If theres a cute girl sitting across from me on a train, what do I do? If I step outside of the bar and see a cute girl smoking a cigarette, what do I do? What about the waitress? The girl at the checkout counter of the local supermarket? The girl in the car next to mine at the stop light? The chick walking down the street in the city? What if she's with her friends? What if she's alone? What if she's with some guys (but they don't appear to be dating)? When is it appropriate to approach? When is it not?
Here is what I learned in my decade or so in sales. The number 1 reason a salesperson fails is because they never ask for the sale. It doesn't really matter how badly you ask, if you at least ask you get 20% of people saying Yes. 20% will always say No. Then the other 60% will say No to a bad approach and need some more convincing or a more sophisticated approach.
This also applies to dating. I had a friend that used the worst line ever, but it never failed to get him a date eventually because he was always asking people out on dates. Most folks without dates have never really come out and asked for one.
So, my answer is that the technique of the approach matters less than actually asking, even if it is as clumsy and boring as "Can we go out on a date?" That will put you at least into a 20% success rate. Now, to raise that 20% to a higher ratio involves skill and technique. However, if you don't know what to say or do; at least just ask for the date.
Right, but that doesn't address the issue of actually getting into a position of where you can ask for a date. I don't know what part of the country you're from, but around here, if you were to walk up to an attractive woman you have never met before and say "Can we go out on a date" without any sort of lead-in whatsoever... you're probably not getting a date...
CoALabaer wrote: Wargamers hate two things: the state of the game and change.
Anyway Alby, I realized with the fatal flaw in this thread, you skipped perhaps the most important part (or at least the one I have the most trouble with)... The Approach.
If I see a pretty lady at the other end of the bar, what do I do? If theres a cute girl sitting across from me on a train, what do I do? If I step outside of the bar and see a cute girl smoking a cigarette, what do I do? What about the waitress? The girl at the checkout counter of the local supermarket? The girl in the car next to mine at the stop light? The chick walking down the street in the city? What if she's with her friends? What if she's alone? What if she's with some guys (but they don't appear to be dating)? When is it appropriate to approach? When is it not?
Here is what I learned in my decade or so in sales. The number 1 reason a salesperson fails is because they never ask for the sale. It doesn't really matter how badly you ask, if you at least ask you get 20% of people saying Yes. 20% will always say No. Then the other 60% will say No to a bad approach and need some more convincing or a more sophisticated approach.
This also applies to dating. I had a friend that used the worst line ever, but it never failed to get him a date eventually because he was always asking people out on dates. Most folks without dates have never really come out and asked for one.
So, my answer is that the technique of the approach matters less than actually asking, even if it is as clumsy and boring as "Can we go out on a date?" That will put you at least into a 20% success rate. Now, to raise that 20% to a higher ratio involves skill and technique. However, if you don't know what to say or do; at least just ask for the date.
E has it right. This was actually going to be Part IV: 'Ask for the Money'. I'll go into more detail later but basically, I would recommend asking a girl out in a one-on-one setting. It's better for maintaining your confidence levels if you don't have an audience.
So how attractive is the average girl you go on dates with? We talkin HB7+ or like HB3-4... cuz you go on a lot of dates
Sorry, didn't answer this before. HB? Not sure what you mean..
Honestly, it varies. I'm not shallow at all, so looks aren't everything. I'm no Bradley Cooper! The last girl I was in a relationship with was Chinese, stunningly beautiful (to me anyway, YMMV), but insane. The girl I went out with last thursday was fairly average-looking (for the purposes of this conversation, of course) but really funny, with a great personality. If I think I'm going to enjoy someone's company, I'll date them and see what happens. I do tend to go for curvier women though, being something of a larger chap.
This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2014/03/07 19:17:40
I agree with Albatross about the one-on-one. You keep saying "approach", but to me in most of your scenarios -- bar, waitress, supermarket, etc. -- your approach is easy or already done for you. If she's your waitress, checking out your groceries, etc. your contact has been made. You just need to strike up a real conversation. Others -- groups, stoplights -- make me think you don't have the best grasp of what actually constitutes a good opportunity.
I mean, good luck approaching a girl who's with a guy or guys and you don't know the score. I guess you can try it by waiting for an opening when the dudes aren't around, but you better be prepared for that situation to escalate quickly. I mean, I'm a pretty easygoing guy and not the jealous type, but I'm not going to respond well if you hit on my girl when I'm standing right over there. And even if he's just a platonic friend or her brother, he still might not appreciate it and interfere with whatever good vibes you're trying to establish with her.
Speaking of dates, there hasn't been a lot here about specifically what you should do.
My one rule is this: Whether or not it was a cold approach, unless the girl wears tons of designer clothing and fancy jewelry (in which case she will probably expect a dinner date...seriously), take her along while you do something you were planning on doing anyway. You want it to be casual. For example, "I was thinking about going to the park today to play with my dog and drink some wine...want to come with? We'll see if he approves."
Definitely include an activity though, because sitting around listening to a woman talk about herself is less fun than watching primer dry. Unless she's a complete train wreck, in which case you probably don't want to date her. Anyway... Ideally it's going to be something that you do very well, she doesn't do at all, and she's going to need some coaching. For outdoorsy women, shooting or fishing both work really well. For a more urban type, darts or pool work well. Whatever you do, don't go to a movie.
And even if he's just a platonic friend or her brother, he still might not appreciate it and interfere with whatever good vibes you're trying to establish with her.
