Forum adverts like this one are shown to any user who is not logged in. Join us by filling out a tiny 3 field form and you will get your own, free, dakka user account which gives a good range of benefits to you: No adverts like this in the forums anymore. Times and dates in your local timezone. Full tracking of what you have read so you can skip to your first unread post, easily see what has changed since you last logged in, and easily see what is new at a glance. Email notifications for threads you want to watch closely. Being a part of the oldest wargaming community on the net. If you are already a member then feel free to login now.

I'd say fishing would be hit or miss. There's often a lot of waiting, and if its her first time and doesn't catch a fish, it could suck quite a lot that all the time was for nothing lol. But I guess if you're patient and have plenty to talk about, it could still work out fine.

 Glaiceana wrote:
I'd say fishing would be hit or miss. There's often a lot of waiting, and if its her first time and doesn't catch a fish, it could suck quite a lot that all the time was for nothing lol. But I guess if you're patient and have plenty to talk about, it could still work out fine.

I mean, you can still talk the entire time. Another activity I like a lot is archery. Shooting crossbow is very easy, and there's an indoor range near me. It's free as you can reuse your bolts, cocking the bow is very difficult (165 lb pull) so you'll be casually showing off your strength doing it for her, and you don't need to wear hearing protection so you can actually chat and laugh about stuff while you're doing it.

As for fishing...there is a bit of waiting but there's a lot of casting, baiting a hook, etc. Most women are hesitant to touch worms, so definitely use live bait. It opens up good opportunities for flirty teasing, like "What...you're afraid to touch a worm!? OK I'll do it for you this time but you're gonna have to get a little dirty sooner or later." etc. There are about 1000 reasons that outdoor sports are amazing for dates.

One main thing is, if you're going fishing, be sure to go to a spot that always hits. I've got a few spots where I'll rarely catch anything worth keeping, but I'll hit little sunnies all day long. Catch and release fishing is pretty good if you've got a nice spot

 Albatross wrote:

 Easy E wrote:

chaos0xomega wrote:
lolz

Anyway Alby, I realized with the fatal flaw in this thread, you skipped perhaps the most important part (or at least the one I have the most trouble with)... The Approach.

If I see a pretty lady at the other end of the bar, what do I do? If theres a cute girl sitting across from me on a train, what do I do? If I step outside of the bar and see a cute girl smoking a cigarette, what do I do? What about the waitress? The girl at the checkout counter of the local supermarket? The girl in the car next to mine at the stop light? The chick walking down the street in the city? What if she's with her friends? What if she's alone? What if she's with some guys (but they don't appear to be dating)? When is it appropriate to approach? When is it not?

Here is what I learned in my decade or so in sales. The number 1 reason a salesperson fails is because they never ask for the sale. It doesn't really matter how badly you ask, if you at least ask you get 20% of people saying Yes. 20% will always say No. Then the other 60% will say No to a bad approach and need some more convincing or a more sophisticated approach.

This also applies to dating. I had a friend that used the worst line ever, but it never failed to get him a date eventually because he was always asking people out on dates. Most folks without dates have never really come out and asked for one.

So, my answer is that the technique of the approach matters less than actually asking, even if it is as clumsy and boring as "Can we go out on a date?" That will put you at least into a 20% success rate. Now, to raise that 20% to a higher ratio involves skill and technique. However, if you don't know what to say or do; at least just ask for the date.

E has it right. This was actually going to be Part IV: 'Ask for the Money'. I'll go into more detail later but basically, I would recommend asking a girl out in a one-on-one setting. It's better for maintaining your confidence levels if you don't have an audience.

Right, thats not what I'm talking about. You guys are discussing 'actually asking a girl out', I'm talking about the more important (IMO) part of actually meeting/introducing yourself to the girl so you can actually get in a position to ask. (As for the ladies, if you're even halfway decent looking most guys would probably be pretty thrilled if you just walked up to them and started a conversation).

Automatically Appended Next Post:

chaos0xomega wrote:


So how attractive is the average girl you go on dates with? We talkin HB7+ or like HB3-4... cuz you go on a lot of dates

Sorry, didn't answer this before. HB? Not sure what you mean..

Honestly, it varies. I'm not shallow at all, so looks aren't everything. I'm no Bradley Cooper! The last girl I was in a relationship with was Chinese, stunningly beautiful (to me anyway, YMMV), but insane. The girl I went out with last thursday was fairly average-looking (for the purposes of this conversation, of course) but really funny, with a great personality. If I think I'm going to enjoy someone's company, I'll date them and see what happens. I do tend to go for curvier women though, being something of a larger chap.

It was a joke, lol. HB is pickup artist lingo for "Hot Babe", its some sort of scale they use to rate women.

I agree with Albatross about the one-on-one. You keep saying "approach", but to me in most of your scenarios -- bar, waitress, supermarket, etc. -- your approach is easy or already done for you. If she's your waitress, checking out your groceries, etc. your contact has been made. You just need to strike up a real conversation. Others -- groups, stoplights -- make me think you don't have the best grasp of what actually constitutes a good opportunity.

lol, I was trying to be humorous with the stoplight, etc.

Should we limit the discussion to how to generate contact or assume you are already there and the person is paying attention you?

Well thus far the assumption has been that you're already there... I think thats a weak assumption, since I suspect most people that need this thread will also need to meet people first in order to utilize the information contained therein.

DakkaDakka : dating advice from a single 30 something.

endless wrote:
DakkaDakka : dating advice from a single 30 something.

Who better to give advice than someone who goes on a lot of dates?

I'm a just gonna leave that hanging...

endless wrote:
I'm a just gonna leave that hanging...

You are nowhere near as witty as you think you are, man. Sorry, what's your issue here? That I'm unsuccessful with women because I go on lots of dates? I've never not gotten a second date, if that's what you're implying... I've been in relationships, too. I'm not saying I'm some sort of lothario, but I've been around the block and wanted to extend some (hopefully) helpful advice to my fellow dakkanauts, in the interests of helping them to meet someone. It came out of an earlier thread, in which a few people (very bravely, in my opinion) expressed that they had not been on a date, or had struggled to get one/not been on many etc. I'm trying to help.

If you feel my advice is in any way invalid due to my age or relationship status, then by all means, offer some advice of your own. We're all ears. Except for Frazzled. He's mostly gin, bad temper and a gun.


Automatically Appended Next Post:
Put THAT in your sig and quote it!

 Albatross wrote:

endless wrote:
DakkaDakka : dating advice from a single 30 something.

Who better to give advice than someone who goes on a lot of dates?

I spent far too long thinking about this and I've concluded that 30 something year olds that regularly go on dates are indeed the best people to give dating advice. Anyone under 20 has nowhere near enough experience and those in their 20's are only just refining their date etiquette. On the other end of the spectrum you have those in their 40's and 50's who are much less likely to be actively dating and thus are more likely to give dated (pardon the pun) advice, though their experience may make up for it. Ultimately the only people who don't have something to offer in the world of dating advice are those that have never been on a date for whatever reason.

Yeah, I agree that 30 somethings would probably be the best for advice but obviously "endless" knows better than all of us. Also I thought this thread was supposed to be a form of collected knowledge it's not like this is just an opinion piece by one poster.

Everything has been covered pretty well except - if you don't have really awesome facial hair, shave that gak. If you aren't sure whether you have awesome facial hair, you don't.

 Glaiceana wrote:
I agree with the action date idea Easy E. Something like lazer quest (lazer tag), or paint balling would be awesome in my opinion xD

I do not know if laser quest/tag/game works the same way in UK/US and in France, but here it would definitely not work for a date, because you need to be at the very least 6 to play a game.
And that is pretty much what I do almost every time I do something with a girl : even when we end up doing it just the two of us, I almost always said something like “maybe nameoffriend will join us” or something to that effect. Hence, not date .

chaos0xomega wrote:
A movie is better for a 2nd or 3rd date... lifehack: take them to a horror film, something REALLY scary... aside from the chance that she'll grab you in fear (great way to break the physical barrier) it will also get her heart rate up and cause a release of dopamine and serotonin, both of which are feel-good 'love hormones'. Through the wonderful thing known as 'misattribution of arousal', she will feel more attracted to you...

Really ? I would have thought most girls are not really into horror movies, and those that are would be more hardened against it than most people.

chaos0xomega wrote:
Well thus far the assumption has been that you're already there... I think thats a weak assumption, since I suspect most people that need this thread will also need to meet people first in order to utilize the information contained therein.

It is true for me.

 Avatar 720 wrote:
Essentially there's nothing 'action-y' that I can really do except things like laser quest and bowling (even if I am horrific at it); everything else won't end in fun, it'll end in pain and blood and tears.

Okay, maybe not blood.

I am sure there are other things, except maybe if you are horribly frail for a reason. Bicycling, for instance ?

 gorgon wrote:
You keep saying "approach", but to me in most of your scenarios -- bar, waitress, supermarket, etc. -- your approach is easy or already done for you. If she's your waitress, checking out your groceries, etc. your contact has been made. You just need to strike up a real conversation.

I am surprised, because here I see two big problems. The first one is that they will be working, usually pretty busy, and will not have time for a real conversation. The second one, especially with a waitress, is that they are in a situation where professionally, they cannot really tell you “feth you”. They have to be at least polite about it.

 NuggzTheNinja wrote:
For outdoorsy women, shooting or fishing both work really well.

No can do. I am really, really not into killing stuff. And not even into piercing the palate of fishes with a big metal hook, putting them out of the water where they cannot breathe and start to panic, and then putting them back in the water with a pierced palate.

If I am going for outdoor activities, and am in Grenoble, I will certainly choose Via Ferrata. It is quite like a mix between climbing and trekking. Pretty much almost anyone can do it, you will get to move around quite a bit, get nice sights. The way the Via Ferrata here is done, you can very easily adapt what you do to the level of people you are doing it with. It is also very easy to go there (5 minutes from my place), it is always open, and it is free. No need to rent gear, I have enough for two people. The only thing is that it requires a good, or at least okay, weather, so you cannot do it any day.

 Cheesecat wrote:
Yeah, I agree that 30 somethings would probably be the best for advice but obviously "endless" knows better than all of us. Also I thought this thread was supposed to be a form of collected knowledge it's not like this is just an opinion piece by one poster.

Exactly, bruv. This thread isn't about me. I just wanted to get the ball rolling. I think you're right on the 30 something point too - most single 30 somethings I know are hardcore daters. I put it down to a couple of factors: Your slightly advanced age means that you're slightly more picky than you would be in your twenties, and don't just go for the first half-decent looking perdon who shows interest. Also, you probably tend to have (some) money, so you can afford to go to nicer restaurants/bars or do activities more often. You're also a bit more secure in yourself, having been around the block a few times. Again, all of this is just my take on it, people are of course free to disagree.


Automatically Appended Next Post:
Got a date tonight, incidentally.

 Hybrid Son Of Oxayotl wrote:

 Glaiceana wrote:
I agree with the action date idea Easy E. Something like lazer quest (lazer tag), or paint balling would be awesome in my opinion xD

I do not know if laser quest/tag/game works the same way in UK/US and in France, but here it would definitely not work for a date, because you need to be at the very least 6 to play a game.
And that is pretty much what I do almost every time I do something with a girl : even when we end up doing it just the two of us, I almost always said something like “maybe nameoffriend will join us” or something to that effect. Hence, not date .

 NuggzTheNinja wrote:
For outdoorsy women, shooting or fishing both work really well.

No can do. I am really, really not into killing stuff. And not even into piercing the palate of fishes with a big metal hook, putting them out of the water where they cannot breathe and start to panic, and then putting them back in the water with a pierced palate.

If I am going for outdoor activities, and am in Grenoble, I will certainly choose Via Ferrata. It is quite like a mix between climbing and trekking. Pretty much almost anyone can do it, you will get to move around quite a bit, get nice sights. The way the Via Ferrata here is done, you can very easily adapt what you do to the level of people you are doing it with. It is also very easy to go there (5 minutes from my place), it is always open, and it is free. No need to rent gear, I have enough for two people. The only thing is that it requires a good, or at least okay, weather, so you cannot do it any day.

Well in the UK quite a few adults do Laser Quest, its not just for kids Although I'm sure paintballing is more of an adult thing, probably in France as well xD

As for the fishing, I guess that's true if you're squeamish it wouldn't be something you'd enjoy. I've been fishing lots of times, never killed the fish, always put them back. You have to remember that their gums are mostly cartilage and rubber type stuff, they don't even bleed when they get hooked, so its not as cruel as you think.
The Via Ferrata thing you mentioned does seem like a good activity too!

When it comes to what to do on a date it really depends on the people involved. As HSoO said he is squeamish so should avoid those sorts of activities but the same goes for taking someone who is fussy with food to a nice restaurant. It really comes down to knowing what both people want out of the date, which is one of the things that makes first dates so infamously hit and miss.

If you know your date through friends it doesn't hurt to do a little research beforehand to get a rough idea of what they might like to do. Even if you have no mutual friends it can't hurt to give them a few options rather than jumping straight to "you, me, dinner, friday".

 Glaiceana wrote:
Well in the UK quite a few adults do Laser Quest, its not just for kids

Here too. I would gladly do that, and I am sure I would find plenty of people who would be enthusiastic too. I guess what I wrote was ambiguous : I did not meant you had to be 6 years old, I meant you have to be 6 peoples rather than just two !
If you go as a couple, you will spend most of your time searching each other through the labyrinth, and then when you finally find each other, it will require a lot of fair-play to let the other flee after having shot him/her to keep the game at least a bit interesting.
When working as teams of 3 people, it is much better !

 Glaiceana wrote:
As for the fishing, I guess that's true if you're squeamish it wouldn't be something you'd enjoy.

It is not about being squeamish. I do not eat meat for the very same reason, and yet I have never felt sick at the sight of an hamburger. It is really a conscious decision.

 Glaiceana wrote:
You have to remember that their gums are mostly cartilage and rubber type stuff, they don't even bleed when they get hooked, so its not as cruel as you think.

Okay, I hope so.

 Glaiceana wrote:
The Via Ferrata thing you mentioned does seem like a good activity too!

Hey Glaiceana, do you want to try Via Ferrata with me next week-end ?

I just googled Via Ferrata, just to check what it actually looked like, and it looks awesome! Would definitely do that if I got the chance

Hehe. This thread got Glaiceana asked out three times!


My date last night went stupendously well. The girl was really nice, funny and attractive and we spent the whole night laughing. Topics included everything from 'the first time you saw a corpse' to fisting. Lots of fun and gin. I think I'll see her again. She was over a foot shorter than me though, which might take some getting used to.

 Albatross wrote:
Hehe. This thread got Glaiceana asked out three times!


My date last night went stupendously well. The girl was really nice, funny and attractive and we spent the whole night laughing. Topics included everything from 'the first time you saw a corpse' to fisting. Lots of fun and gin. I think I'll see her again. She was over a foot shorter than me though, which might take some getting used to.

I tend to like the shorter girls, they make convenient arm rests

But seriously, I need some more advice... is there any way to err... better discern a young ladies age? I met a really cool girl at the Devils game I was at saturday night, we really hit it off... then as I was about to ask her number, etc. I figured out she was still in high school... story of my goddamned life.

I tend to just ask, man!

endless wrote:
DakkaDakka : dating advice from a single 30 something.

I'm married. Does that mean I am more or less "qualified"?

 Albatross wrote:
Hehe. This thread got Glaiceana asked out three times!

But how many of them were serious?



(Depending on how serious the answer was, mine may or may not have been. )
((Then again, the West Mids are an awfully long way to go for someone without a car and place to crash until the next train back. ¬.¬))
(((I think I'll just go back to looking around my local area and staring unblinkingly at anyone I find attractive until they get up and leave - that seems to work for me right now.)))

To get back on topic, the easiest way to get a conversation going is to say the following....

"Hey, I need your help. Which is better X or Y?"

After they answer you say, "Hmmm, I'm not sure. Why do you think it is better?"

Then you go from there.

"Hey I need your help, which beer is better, the Pilsner or the Lager?"

"I don't know, why don't you ask the bartender?"

hmmm... doesn't seem like its all that great...

chaos0xomega wrote:
"Hey I need your help, which beer is better, the Pilsner or the Lager?"

"I don't know, why don't you ask the bartender?"

hmmm... doesn't seem like its all that great...

Then she wasn't interested in you! It's not the question, it's you (or her, depending on how you look at it).

Ask her something relevant to her interests.

"Which do you think is a more reasonable ally for my Space Marines? Imperial Guard or Tyrranids?"

"I don't think..."

"Wrong! Trick question! Tyrranids can't ally with anything! Man, and you thought I'd give you my number?"

"Uh..."

Kronk says "Leave them speechless!"

 kronk wrote:

chaos0xomega wrote:
"Hey I need your help, which beer is better, the Pilsner or the Lager?"

"I don't know, why don't you ask the bartender?"

hmmm... doesn't seem like its all that great...

Then she wasn't interested in you! It's not the question, it's you (or her, depending on how you look at it).

Ask her something relevant to her interests.

"Which do you think is a more reasonable ally for my Space Marines? Imperial Guard or Tyrranids?"

"I don't think..."

"Wrong! Trick question! Tyrranids can't ally with anything! Man, and you thought I'd give you my number?"

"Uh..."

Kronk says "Leave them speechless!"

Hahahaha! This is brilliant. I'm not sure even I dare use that! I also like Will Smith's 'hey shorty, put your number on this paper right quick before i change my mind...', but I haven't had the balls to use that either!

Yeah, the 'which is better' is a good one, I reckon. Other than that, just try to catch her eye. I she meets your gaze, smile quickly. If she smiles back say 'hi'. To be honest, cold approaches are tricky. A lot depends on looks, which can be daunting, as the rejection is immediate and visceral, especially if you're not very secure in how you look. Just relax and have fun, and try not to take it too personally if she's not interested. You might just not be her type. It's no big deal. I'm sure you have physical things that you find attractive and unattractive, right?

Yeah...

Know what? I'm going to go back to plan A... cover myself in bitchin tattoos that will get me noticed!

"Does this smell like chloroforum to you?"

I had excellent success with OKCupids. I'm horrible at cold intros (at a bar), and with OKC, I at least knew if I had a few things in common first.

Just walk up to the gal you like and say proudly "Mother says you're cute. Mother says you sure have a purty mouth."

If that doesn't work then I just can't help ya.

chaos0xomega wrote:
"Hey I need your help, which beer is better, the Pilsner or the Lager?"

"I don't know, why don't you ask the bartender?"

hmmm... doesn't seem like its all that great...

Well, people tend to respond well when you ask them for help. People want to help. It makes them feel important.

Here is what Dale Carnegie, the guy who wrote How to Win Friends and Influence People had to say about getting people to like you....

Six ways to make people like you
1. Become genuinely interested in other people.
2. Smile.
3. Remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
4. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
5. Talk in terms of the other person's interests.
6. Make the other person feel important - and do it sincerely.

So the "Which is better?" approach hits point 1, 4, 6, and probably leads into point 5 really quickly. I am hoping you are doing point 2 anyway.