Forum adverts like this one are shown to any user who is not logged in. Join us by filling out a tiny 3 field form and you will get your own, free, dakka user account which gives a good range of benefits to you: No adverts like this in the forums anymore. Times and dates in your local timezone. Full tracking of what you have read so you can skip to your first unread post, easily see what has changed since you last logged in, and easily see what is new at a glance. Email notifications for threads you want to watch closely. Being a part of the oldest wargaming community on the net. If you are already a member then feel free to login now.

Just make yourself look presentable. Also figure into it some things you'd rather see in girls for looks and then reverse it for you. If you expect the girl you want to look a certain way it may help somewhat to look a bit more fit yourself. Not saying it's the only way but it could help somewhat.

I also fall into the category of slim guys that are single for a while. That said i never used to take care of my hygiene as much when going out where i would meet women. It helps a lot. You get more looks from them in that case.

Really if the match is right looking like you have some level of self care above that of a 5 year old generally goes a long way.

 hotsauceman1 wrote:
It is just disheartening. Not this, but i see plenty of couples every day, I see my friends pick up a girl every weekend....
My partner in Stats said he already met the women he wants to marry. He is the same age.
I just, I 22, never had a date, never kissed a girl....never anything, what am I missing? is there something wrongg with me?

This is totally normal things to think, but don't beat yourself up. There is nothing wrong with you.

Don't try to talk to this girl via text, phone, etc. again until you get to class. Then, if you really want to be devious say something like, "sorry I missed you. I ended up having to help this girl with her bike tire. Maybe next time." Pretend like you were the one that wasn't there.

 Easy E wrote:
This is totally normal things to think, but don't beat yourself up. There is nothing wrong with you.

Yeah. Keep this in mind: when you see couples, you know they are couple, but when you see people alone, you just assume that they are/were part of a couple. That is why you feel like you are the only guy around that has never been part of one. How often do you talk to other people about it (irl)? If you are like me, likely almost never. As a result, other people assume that you are/were part of a couple before, just like you do with them. And they also think they are the only one around that have never been part of a couple .



Just had a quite nice afternoon with some woman from another forum who wanted to taste my vegetarian lasagna (which are very good, in case you are wondering ), and we are planning to go climbing together, but she is only 20, so I guess she will be just a friend.

 hotsauceman1 wrote:
It is just disheartening. Not this, but i see plenty of couples every day, I see my friends pick up a girl every weekend....
My partner in Stats said he already met the women he wants to marry. He is the same age.
I just, I 22, never had a date, never kissed a girl....never anything, what am I missing? is there something wrongg with me?

Honestly dont get disheartened, I managed several casual relationships throughout my teens with people I wasnt even friends with (seriously, dating people you dislike is weird), it was only when I met the woman who would later become my wife that I was actually really happy with how things were going. There is no rush into meeting people, dating etc, sometimes you trudge through alot of mistakes (fun, lovely mistakes, fond memories) before you make the right choice, others like yourself are patient and may end up picking the perfect person first time. Plus side, you're 22 and never been dumped (or had to dump someone), cheated on, betrayed, hurt, divorced and so on and so forth.

 flamingkillamajig wrote:
Just make yourself look presentable. Also figure into it some things you'd rather see in girls for looks and then reverse it for you. If you expect the girl you want to look a certain way it may help somewhat to look a bit more fit yourself. Not saying it's the only way but it could help somewhat.

I also fall into the category of slim guys that are single for a while. That said i never used to take care of my hygiene as much when going out where i would meet women. It helps a lot. You get more looks from them in that case.

I am under no delusion I am big, and some girls are way outta my league. I have come to accept im large and I dont beat myself up or call myself ugly like I used to. My interest in loosing weight now is 1: to prove I can 3: For my knees that need a break.
I mean, This is a girl I would not have tried to even think of asking out before, she she seemed nice, we always talked, she wanted to be my partner in stats, but you needed to find one in your lab and I wasnt in her lab.
But...that is life.

True, life can really suck sometimes.

But other times you'll find a really cute girl you get on with, and even if you dont end up dating just having someone to mess about with is a joy in itself. Dont get too tied up in goals and guidelines. Yes you may end up getting "friendzoned" once in a while, but you usually end up with an awesome friend

 hotsauceman1 wrote:
Yes...because it's not like I don't see guys who are big with girlfriends ever.

Yeah, but it's pretty clear you don't have the confidence or game at this point to compensate for being obese. Some men do have that, do honestly think they are in the majority?


You just need to face facts at this point. I don't even want to hang with friends when they are whiny and unconfdient. Do you think that's attractive to women? It's not.


What you need to focus on, is yourself right now. Get Healthy, get in shape. Start working on being really presentable. The confidence will come with that, and it will make a difference. You feel, and look better. Trust me, it will show.

My unconfidence really comes from me being in college and so unexperianced with this.

You know, you have female friends, right 'sauce? I'm sure I'm not saying anything original, but have you asked them for advice? I mean, I'm sure they probably know you better than we do, and they're probably more objective about you than you yourself can be.

 hotsauceman1 wrote:
My unconfidence really comes from me being in college and so unexperianced with this.

Being in college shouldnt be a reason to lack confidence, you're literally surrounded by people of similar age, and if in the same course literally have a talking point dropped straight into your lap. Weight shouldnt be an issue aslong as you are comfortable in yourself and excude confidence, whilst there are people who find nerves attractive it really does help if you are comfortable in your own skin (regardless of size, shape etc). You are young, in a rich environment of people your own age and have the added bonus of seeing these people frequently. This isnt some random pickup in a bar where you're spitballing pickup lines to see what sticks, just take your time, be confident, be yourself and have fun. If you approach dating full of nerves its gonna be awkward, but if you genuinely enjoy the experience (talking to someone new, that nervous energy between you, the way she laughs/touches your arm and so on) then its just... fun. Socialising and dating isnt some end goal that you're powering on through toward, its FUN.

In my experience being Nice Mean (not to be confused with Mean nice) is just the most amusing way of doing things, gently teasing, playful insults, dont be afraid to look the idiot. Banter can be a real joy (I'm naturally sarcastic so this is pretty much my natural state).

(To clarify Nice Mean is playful insults, Mean Nice is offensive compliments)

Maybe, there are a few girls here who are my friends....maybe I should ask them.

So....um....doe anyone know how to break up with someone?
kind of counter-productive to the thread title but uh...

 the shrouded lord wrote:
So....um....doe anyone know how to break up with someone?

"Hi {insert name here}, I'm breaking up with you. This relationship is now over." Then make it over, and keep appropriate distance between you and the other person. Optionally include a reason why you're breaking up, but if you're 100% sure that's what you want to do then there isn't much point and it will just encourage them to try to negotiate a way for the relationship to continue.

Never ever EVER do it over text message or by phone, avoid any sort of recordable medium in general. Best way is in person in a private or at least semi-private location, like her house. Lots of guys try to do that in public so as to pressure the chick into not causing a scene... a lot of girls will cause a scene anyway, embarassing the both of you, and even if she doesnt... she will likely be upset, in public, and have to make her way home while upset, which isnt really something you want to put on anyone.



Automatically Appended Next Post:
It also depends on the circumstances, etc. some people have a talk and mutually decide its in their best interest to just be friends, others never want to see eachother again, still others end it abruptly after finding out that their SO is a cheating witch. Its really variable.

I'm planning on pulling her aside during a school lunch hour and delicately but bluntly explaining it too her.

 hotsauceman1 wrote:
.
I just, I 22, never had a date, never kissed a girl....never anything, what am I missing? is there something wrongg with me?

Keep your chin up bud I was in exactly the same position until 3 days ago. Im 22 and never had a date. Never had a first kiss.

I knew im a great guy. I have heaps of friends that are girls but never get further than that. My best friend happens to be a girll. She started mentioning me to her friends. One of them finally gave me a chance for a first date. 8 dates later and we became official. Got my kiss. And honestly she is perfect. im not the sort of guy who could do one night stands and hook ups. Do it once do it right.

 the shrouded lord wrote:
So....um....doe anyone know how to break up with someone?
kind of counter-productive to the thread title but uh...

Watch Godfather 2 (watch the first one as well or you'll be horribly confused) and take a cue from this scene especially.

 the shrouded lord wrote:
So....um....doe anyone know how to break up with someone?
kind of counter-productive to the thread title but uh...

Carrier pidegon

 hotsauceman1 wrote:

 the shrouded lord wrote:
So....um....doe anyone know how to break up with someone?
kind of counter-productive to the thread title but uh...

Carrier pidegon

genius.

 the shrouded lord wrote:
So....um....doe anyone know how to break up with someone?
kind of counter-productive to the thread title but uh...

Don't try to do it slowly, it's sort of like hanging up the phone on someone really. Otherwise you end up with prolonged drama.
Be classy though, don't do it through text.

 the shrouded lord wrote:
So....um....doe anyone know how to break up with someone?
kind of counter-productive to the thread title but uh...

Interpretive dance.

 Sasori wrote:

 hotsauceman1 wrote:
It is just disheartening. Not this, but i see plenty of couples every day, I see my friends pick up a girl every weekend....
My partner in Stats said he already met the women he wants to marry. He is the same age.
I just, I 22, never had a date, never kissed a girl....never anything, what am I missing? is there something wrongg with me?

Well, are you still grossly overweight?

Dude... Unnecessary.

 Albatross wrote:

 Sasori wrote:

 hotsauceman1 wrote:
It is just disheartening. Not this, but i see plenty of couples every day, I see my friends pick up a girl every weekend....
My partner in Stats said he already met the women he wants to marry. He is the same age.
I just, I 22, never had a date, never kissed a girl....never anything, what am I missing? is there something wrongg with me?

Well, are you still grossly overweight?

Dude... Unnecessary.

I just felt he didn't word it the best way. Staying in shape and looking good does help you feel good and all that should help a lot.

And I agree with the above. The only reason Im not going to the gym today is it is closed for superbowl sunday party.
But im saying, I see tons of bigger fellas my size with girls thatt are modertatly attactive.

 the shrouded lord wrote:
I'm planning on pulling her aside during a school lunch hour and delicately but bluntly explaining it too her.

Do everyone a favour and do it after school so she doesn't have to be surrounded by people in class when upset and everyone can sleep on it before having to socialise again in lessons. Also us teachers can do without the sort of drama that can create in the classroom, afternoon lessons are hard enough work as it is without teenage dating drama.

 Albatross wrote:

 Sasori wrote:

 hotsauceman1 wrote:
It is just disheartening. Not this, but i see plenty of couples every day, I see my friends pick up a girl every weekend....
My partner in Stats said he already met the women he wants to marry. He is the same age.
I just, I 22, never had a date, never kissed a girl....never anything, what am I missing? is there something wrongg with me?

Well, are you still grossly overweight?

Dude... Unnecessary.

Is this a thread for coddling people, or it a serious advice thread?

Nothing I'm saying is to be mean. I"m just giving honest, unbiased,objective truth here.

Let's be real, being obese is going to be an issue wen dating. Yes, there are some obese people that can pick up women. Hotsauceman is clearly not one of them.

Getting in shape would not only boost his confidence, it would make him a lot more attractive as well. First impressions and attractiveness play a huge role in dating. It's not the be all, end all, but to play it off is not doing anyone here, any good.

Best advice I can give you is just to not worry about women. If you are constantly looking for the right girl it will take you forever to find her. If you let it go and concentrate on getting educated ( I gathered you are in college, could be wrong) then it will happen while your attention is elsewhere.

As sad as it sounds, I lived a large part of my younger life looking for validation in just about any vagina. I was rather whorish when I was in the Far East and am not ashamed of the amount of women I took to bed, but I am not happy with that number now. I took a step back and realized that I was going about life all wrong and decided to live a celibate life for a minimum of 3 years. I put myself into the work I was currently doing and let companionship go for the time being.

I do not consider myself to be attractive (who does?), however I am comfortable with who and what I am. 6 foot tall, 190 lbs, big Jew nose, with a wicked sense of humour. Thing I am trying to convey is that you have to like you first, other people will come around after that.

If you're too focused on finding the perfect one you will often overlook ones that come closer than your ideal of perfect.

Guys, I was wondering, seeing sauce was inquiring some things. Could yous give me some advice?

I'm 18, and still go to school, but will move to Germany soon for university. Over the years I've had quite a few passing fancies, but nothing serious really, except for a girl that I liked since I was 12. She looks pretty grand, although she's a foot shorter than me. One thing that we love both and have in common is music. She does music as a subject and tutors for piano and flute. I however being boring and unfortunate regret that I couldn't get to play a musical instrument. But I am a huge nerd when it comes to classical, jazz and pop, which I listen to recreationally. Overall I get along with her very easily, as I do with all girls in my year (I keep myself in good shape with medieval re-enactment, and my mother took pains for me to maintain my personal hygiene). So what's the problem you ask?

Well, that particular girl has had a boyfriend for two years (A guy older than me by two years. Initially, I thought that was fine - I don't mess around hen the girl has a boyfriend, so I tried not to pay attention to her in a more-of-a-friend way, until things got a bit strained between her and her bf, but they sorta patched it up. Then 2 weeks before for a pre-formal, this other guy, who I'm pretty sure fancies her (even though I asked him the day before - and he said he wasn't fond of her). On that day she came in with her boyfriend, and after a few hours, I heard that after a few pints, the other guy had his arm around her, and her bf was close-by but he was silent about it (Note: I couldn't attend the pre formal at the time).

So it boils down to this. I'm pretty sure her relations with her bf are quite strained, and I don't know if I should make a move if they should split. On one hand, in a way I don't trust her, because she let the other guy be so close to her (my weakness I guess is that a want loyalty in a relationship - I personally would never cheat or betray my gf or wife, and it would be very hard on me if they did.) On the other hand, that other guy is a bit of a jerk, and I don't think she would be too happy with him in the long run.

I just don't know what to do.