Forum adverts like this one are shown to any user who is not logged in. Join us by filling out a tiny 3 field form and you will get your own, free, dakka user account which gives a good range of benefits to you: No adverts like this in the forums anymore. Times and dates in your local timezone. Full tracking of what you have read so you can skip to your first unread post, easily see what has changed since you last logged in, and easily see what is new at a glance. Email notifications for threads you want to watch closely. Being a part of the oldest wargaming community on the net. If you are already a member then feel free to login now.

 the shrouded lord wrote:
I'm effectively one of the scummiest people on the planet

I find this difficult to believe. If you're in the same category as serial killers, oppressive dictators, etc, before you're even an adult then that's pretty impressive. Otherwise the whole "I'm so awful" act isn't helping anything.

so finding a romantic partner will be difficult and B, I don't even know if the kind of relationship I want exists in the real world.
call it wistful thinking, but one day I want what we see in movies. I don't want sex, I have no interest in it. What I want is a companion who I can dedicate my life too. stupid brain.

Asexual people exist and some of them want relationships. They're rare, but perhaps instead of just assuming that you'll never be happy you should put your effort into looking in the right places (try the appropriate communities/social networks/etc for asexual people).

There are very few people on this earth who are scum and undatable.
Remember, even hitler got a girlfriend.


Automatically Appended Next Post:
And, im about to leave, wish me luck...

 Albatross wrote:

 the shrouded lord wrote:
ugh stupid brain stop being annoying.
so...my mind has decided that I DO have a goal in life. because it wasn't happy when I decided to spend my life helping others by putting my own life on the line and thus repent for some of my many sins. no that wasn't good enough for stupid brain.
no, now I've finally grown "feelings" and a "heart".
My goal in life is to fall in love, and to stay in love. the problem being A, I'm effectively one of the scummiest people on the planet so finding a romantic partner will be difficult and B, I don't even know if the kind of relationship I want exists in the real world.
call it wistful thinking, but one day I want what we see in movies. I don't want sex, I have no interest in it. What I want is a companion who I can dedicate my life too. stupid brain.

Teenage angst. It gets better.

Yeah, eventually you get to legally buy booze!

If my father has taught me one thing, it is that alchohol does not a happy make. besides, docter pepper pretty much tastes like a mix of rum and cola. and medecine.

But then it looses all it's mysticism


Automatically Appended Next Post:
Alcohol makes you very happy p.m. until you wake up with a picture on your phone of some girl you never met and a recording of you doing karaoke in a cab that you don't remember.

 hotsauceman1 wrote:
But then it looses all it's mysticism


Automatically Appended Next Post:
Alcohol makes you very happy p.m. until you wake up with a picture on your phone of some girl you never met and a recording of you doing karaoke in a cab that you don't remember.

You were supposed to be leaving.

It's called a phone

Hahaha. Okay I am going to talk one of my girl/friend. About asking her the other girl out.

Hour of waiting, she didn't show. No text or call....oh well.

 hotsauceman1 wrote:
Hour of waiting, she didn't show. No text or call....oh well.

You could call her?

I thought about that....but decided against it. After an hour I knew why she didnt show.
And ,I also decided im going out more often, even with my friends stay home, Im going solo if I have too.
Cant hurt can it?

 hotsauceman1 wrote:
I thought about that....but decided against it. After an hour I knew why she didnt show.
And ,I also decided im going out more often, even with my friends stay home, Im going solo if I have too.
Cant hurt can it?

Nope. Do your thing. That girl was pretty fething rude to just not show, even if it was just a friend thing. You'd best believe that if one of my mates stood me up like that I'd be straight on the phone going 'where the feth are you? Standing ME up? Who the feth do you think you are? Give your head a wobble.' etc

Anyway, video is related (NSFW):

 the shrouded lord wrote:
A, I'm effectively one of the scummiest people on the planet so finding a romantic partner will be difficult and B, I don't even know if the kind of relationship I want exists in the real world.
call it wistful thinking, but one day I want what we see in movies. I don't want sex, I have no interest in it. What I want is a companion who I can dedicate my life too. stupid brain.

A. I can tell you right now I've met and even been with people far more scummier than you think you are, don't be so hard on yourself.

B. Depends on what you want, movies exagerate a lot. But, the ideal relationship for you does exist.

 n0t_u wrote:

 the shrouded lord wrote:
A, I'm effectively one of the scummiest people on the planet so finding a romantic partner will be difficult and B, I don't even know if the kind of relationship I want exists in the real world.
call it wistful thinking, but one day I want what we see in movies. I don't want sex, I have no interest in it. What I want is a companion who I can dedicate my life too. stupid brain.

A. I can tell you right now I've met and even been with people far more scummier than you think you are, don't be so hard on yourself.

I've been told I'm to hard on myself, but the thought just won't go away. it all circles around.
(I'm a bad person>no I'm not>that's self-pity, self-pity is bad > I'm a bad person >no I'm not >That's self-pity, self pity is bad >I'm a bad person.)

The second date I had planned with The Wife was to get together for a picnic in the park in Saratoga. I assumed Congress Park, downtown, She assumed Saratoga State Park on the south end of town. We were both so sure we were talking about the same place, we never double checked. After waiting a few hours, I went home thinking I was stood up. I honestly forget who called who to straighten thing out, but one of us did, rather then just bitterly assuming the whole thing was over. We re-scheduled, things progressed, and now we’ve been married almost 15 years.

Communication is critical. Don’t assume the worst; ask. Worst case scenario, you have an awkward phone call or text. best case you patch up your relationship before it gets broken.

 the shrouded lord wrote:

 n0t_u wrote:

 the shrouded lord wrote:
A, I'm effectively one of the scummiest people on the planet so finding a romantic partner will be difficult and B, I don't even know if the kind of relationship I want exists in the real world.
call it wistful thinking, but one day I want what we see in movies. I don't want sex, I have no interest in it. What I want is a companion who I can dedicate my life too. stupid brain.

A. I can tell you right now I've met and even been with people far more scummier than you think you are, don't be so hard on yourself.

I've been told I'm to hard on myself, but the thought just won't go away. it all circles around.
(I'm a bad person>no I'm not>that's self-pity, self-pity is bad > I'm a bad person >no I'm not >That's self-pity, self pity is bad >I'm a bad person.)

I'm too hard on myself too, but I don't consider myself scummy or bad because of it. Just tend to get more down when I do get depressed about stuff and blame myself too much for failures.

You're fine really.

Well, I feel like I just dont know what to do, how to get a date and so forth, I need to go out an meet people, but my friends dont want to. This last Fri and Sat they stayed in and did nothing.
I want to meet people, but is going to a bar or club alone really that bad?

It would largely depend on your confidence, there may well be nothing wrong with going to a bar/club alone if you have the confidence to get talking to people, but the more likely scenario is then being sat in a bar/club alone drinking, which there is largely something wrong with. You're in college so I assume you have on-campus events, parties, mixers etc, all of which are suitable for solo attentance to meet new people.

 Albatross wrote:

 the shrouded lord wrote:
ugh stupid brain stop being annoying.
so...my mind has decided that I DO have a goal in life. because it wasn't happy when I decided to spend my life helping others by putting my own life on the line and thus repent for some of my many sins. no that wasn't good enough for stupid brain.
no, now I've finally grown "feelings" and a "heart".
My goal in life is to fall in love, and to stay in love. the problem being A, I'm effectively one of the scummiest people on the planet so finding a romantic partner will be difficult and B, I don't even know if the kind of relationship I want exists in the real world.
call it wistful thinking, but one day I want what we see in movies. I don't want sex, I have no interest in it. What I want is a companion who I can dedicate my life too. stupid brain.

Teenage angst. It gets better.

And then you hit middle-aged existentialism.


Automatically Appended Next Post:

 hotsauceman1 wrote:
Well, I feel like I just dont know what to do, how to get a date and so forth, I need to go out an meet people, but my friends dont want to. This last Fri and Sat they stayed in and did nothing.
I want to meet people, but is going to a bar or club alone really that bad?

Tough break. Sorry.

Are you really good in bars/clubs? If the answer is yes, then go out alone.

If the answer is no, then try meeting people a different way. There are literally thousands of social groups and societies on campus. Go visit a few.

Remeber play to your strengths and just get in front of people.

I think I'm looking in all the wrong places and the wrong people.
Maybe I will hit up the anime club and other geeky pursuits.....
Maybe the girl for me isn't at the club or bar, but there?

 hotsauceman1 wrote:
I think I'm looking in all the wrong places and the wrong people.
Maybe I will hit up the anime club and other geeky pursuits.....
Maybe the girl for me isn't at the club or bar, but there?

Maybe. Here's hoping.

Anyway as much as you guys say there are 'no leagues' think of what you would go for in a woman and maybe see themselves as doing similar for you. If you look at a girl that doesn't look particularly good and looks messy then chances are girls are going to see you in that way if you don't properly take care of yourself. Try going for girls that maybe aren't the prettiest around. Some of them are really decent human beings and if you cut back on looks you can probably manage to get a girl with more skills. As i said before my version of 'a league' isn't exactly just about looks but everything. This takes into consideration looks, money, skills, charisma, intelligence and personality of how decent of a human being you are. Think of it like an rpg in the character creation menu where you only have so many points to spend creating your character. You can't be like a 2 in every category and expect somebody that's a 10 in every category. Chances are if you go for a good looking girl you're going to have to aim down in personality, skill, intelligence and other good traits to match. Perhaps it's a weird thing to think of but some people have agreed with me on this. Girls with low self-esteem tend to aim lower just as some guys do but often taking advantage of this is scummy unless you want to build them up but chances are if you do they might leave you for somebody they think is better.

What you need probably is to realize you're a decent person and build yourself up by getting better at things and setting goals that you can accomplish. Maybe success breeds confidence. Also i'd say branch out with your interests. Try finding something you like that girls tend to like. Put yourself in situations where you'll be meeting women and more often than not in a way where you get to know them a little (like 'lab time' during a science class in school or maybe chatting em up). Perhaps getting a wing-man to help each other boost confidence in each other and possibly even have a wing-man that's in a relationship that helps you get one.

That's about all i can think of really. I'm also need to take my own advice and hope it works. Currently i just don't have the money to go out and i'm waiting for the next semester of school. God i hate winter in michigan which is why i skipped it after last year's craziness.

@not_u: I'm actually curious about the female perspective on some things or really just somebody that isn't interested in the same types of people. Liking somebody a lot can blind you to a lot of a person's shortcomings and often they might be a bad person in general. Also girls act different around guys than they do other girls and the same goes for how guys act. I feel like having a sort of 'Girl Spy' to tell who's decent and which women are absolute b*tches that don't give a crap about anybody would be an infinitely useful tool. That said it's hard for me to just be friends with a girl. The way i see it is one or the other would end up liking each other. In your case it's a bit different with guy friends since you're gay (it'd only be one way interest and if they're not attracted to you there's no chance you'd want them in a relationship) but for straight girls it might be different. It does make me curious how the situation is finding people when gay though. I imagine having fewer numbers and not knowing who is and who isn't can be tough unless you guys have like a gay-dar (it's easier to find somebody when you're similar to them). Hope that's not offensive for some. Bender used that term in futurama so it's just a joke and hopefully if it's safe for futurama it should be safe for this board.

 flamingkillamajig wrote:
Think of it like an rpg in the character creation menu where you only have so many points to spend creating your character.

20 on Strength, Toughness and Agility, 3 on Intelligence, Wisdom and Charisma .

 Hybrid Son Of Oxayotl wrote:

 flamingkillamajig wrote:
Think of it like an rpg in the character creation menu where you only have so many points to spend creating your character.

20 on Strength, Toughness and Agility, 3 on Intelligence, Wisdom and Charisma .

Well yeah and no. Also i like to think of it that some people have more points they can spend but if you want somebody good for you then chances are you need somebody that has as many points. Maybe that's a weird way of looking at it.

Anyway if you want to improve your odds increase those stats. Get stronger, smarter and become a better person. Chances are it'll get the ladies swooning over you. Just try not to let it get too much to your head or you'll lose some personality points ;P.

Gotta say I find it weirdly amusing to see dating broken down into "I need to level up".

 flamingkillamajig wrote:
Well yeah and no.

Are you telling me that is not how most people build their characters?

 flamingkillamajig wrote:
Anyway if you want to improve your odds increase those stats.

Do you mean I need to grind for experience?

 Hybrid Son Of Oxayotl wrote:

 flamingkillamajig wrote:
Well yeah and no.

Are you telling me that is not how most people build their characters?

 flamingkillamajig wrote:
Anyway if you want to improve your odds increase those stats.

Do you mean I need to grind for experience?

Well improving yourself would in a sense increase those stats. At least it gives people hope if they wish to better themselves and maybe get the girl or guy.

In a sense life is a big grind for experience so yeah you will grind.

---------

Btw i get the feeling a couple reasons why i haven't got a girlfriend other than not getting out there to find one is that my standards are way too freaking high for what i have to offer. I have issues being in a relationship if i don't think i love the person or mesh well with them. If i don't mesh well with them i fear it won't work out and i can't bring myself to leave a girl in tears because it didn't work out. Also i wanted my first to be special at least and if it doesn't work out then maybe i would go for random romps with women provided they knew that's what i wanted and they wanted that too (in other words though a little harsh what that girl did with hybrid actually was kind of ok because she told it to him straight and he was ok with it to a degree). Course i think i'm a little too old to have just some romp with a woman without having a relationship. I find myself rather disgusted with plenty of people that are only in the relationship to bone. That said finding plenty of girls/guys for that is rather hard since supposedly getting it with the same person too much results in developing feelings.

I suppose they're all just excuses as far as girlfriends go and i don't think i'm great enough to get all these girls for some night of fun. Anyway it's mostly that i just don't have the heart (or lack of) to break a girl's heart if it doesn't work out so i want to go in sure that it's somebody i'd want to be with. Lord knows plenty of girls have broken my heart already and it hurts like h*ll.

---------

When i was finishing up the physics class there were a couple girls i could've possibly gone out with. The chinese girl (actually from there) was ok but i think she was a little too christian for my tastes (at the very least i'm agnostic and i don't think i could deal with no sex till marriage in a relationship unless the girl was the one) and when i rode in her car with her (since i don't have one and she helped) she had a couple bobble head dolls with a guy and girl kissing and it just made me feel she was way too innocent. She gave me a couple rides when i needed help and opened some doors for me and because i'm a guy i couldn't very well let her open a door for me so allowed her to go first. She's nice and helped but goes to sunday school and just seemed too innocent usually and i didn't want to in a sense make her bitter, sad or make her less pure in a way. So i guess in some senses i chickened out instead of dating her. I did study with her once just personally but i just couldn't bring myself to try dating.

One girl that i was a little into said she was gay and in a relationship though that may have been a lie since during the last day i talked to her i may have seemed slightly like a creep/jerk. Which i don't think i am i just don't like harry potter and she was a big fan of it and i won't lie to get a girl for some fun because it wouldn't work out if i lied about myself. I have the opinion to be honest about yourself and you'll find your match and if it doesn't work out because of that it wasn't meant to be.

Then there was a waitress that while cute (and had a cute voice) always seemed unable to make time for the class. I heard she was often busy but i was a little miffed that she couldn't set time aside for class and because of that in my eyes felt like she had a lack of care in the class or at the very least to put effort into showing up. She always showed up at the end of class too. I can excuse up to about 30 minutes late but an hour and a half every time seems to show a lack of dedication to something. Perhaps that's unfair and she may have been a decent person and asked to study with me even though i had about the same grades after i offered her some chocolate thinking she was really nice for helping the teacher though that ended up being a name confusion and was some other teacher instead. So i got the decent person conufsed (whoops).

Finally there was a girl that was at least originally from eastern europe and i called her on the phone a while after and she seemed really nice and helped me out and was rather happy i asked her out but she had a boyfriend.

---------

Some of all those choices only the asian girl might end up being the one i go with. Personally i would've been into the last choice because she seemed a better fit maybe provided i get to know her and she didn't have a boyfriend. Perhaps i should've dated each of these girls. That said i lack guts and certain ones got crossed off the list.

Well I found the anime club at school. lets try that.
I could meet new people....

 flamingkillamajig wrote:
Well improving yourself would in a sense increase those stats.

Well, the thing is there is not really a “better” for everything. Each person has different taste, and something that might make you more attractive to someone might make you less attractive to someone else.
That said, I do not know if climbing did that or if “it was me all along” (I so really want to put a link here, but the last panel from that strip is completely NSFW, so I am just going to say that Oglaf's Delivery is funny but very, very NSFW and do not search it on your favorite search engine ever), but I certainly like my body much more than I used to.

 flamingkillamajig wrote:
Btw i get the feeling a couple reasons why i haven't got a girlfriend other than not getting out there to find one is that my standards are way too freaking high for what i have to offer.

My standard are mostly “someone that is interested and shows it”. Once I manage to find someone filling that criterion, I will check if I actually have others . But since without at least that one, there is literally nothing to be done…

 flamingkillamajig wrote:
in other words though a little harsh what that girl did with hybrid actually was kind of ok because she told it to him straight and he was ok with it to a degree

What harsh? It was sweet, she was very nice! She was honest and respectful and caring, what more could I have asked from her?
It was not kind of okay, it was 100% entirely okay.
[edit]I mean, if she had not been very upfront about it, and if she had not insisted on making sure I was okay with it and did not felt pressured in any way, yeah, it would have been very different, but she did all that. I had all the information I could need, I made a choice and I do not regret it.[/edit]


Automatically Appended Next Post:

 hotsauceman1 wrote:
Well I found the anime club at school. lets try that.
I could meet new people....

If you are into anime, that can only be a positive experience, even if you do not get a girlfriend out of it.

At least finding a girl that likes anime should be easier than finding a girl that likes war gaming and is also not gay or taken. A forum i used to frequent with war gamer girls seemed to state about half of them were gay. I once joked half of war gamer girls are gay and half are taken.

 flamingkillamajig wrote:
I once joked half of war gamer girls are gay and half are taken.

Since Ashiraya is not taken, then this means some lesbian gamer girls are taken. Yay logic!