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I think most people are pretty bloody strange.

Good for you though Ash. You may not have benefited directly from this thread but it seems that, the manner in which your chap eventually approached you mirrors some of the other stories people have posted up here. Interesting.

 Ashiraya wrote:
Not directly, but it helps me understand men, which never hurts.

You're quite strange creatures, you know.

I don't think so. I think it's the women who are weird.

I suppose it wouldn't be much of a problem if they were just straightforward. Perhaps many are too afraid to hurt guy's feelings and never tell them they're not interested? I dunno.

Given the irrational or aggressive way some men handle rejection it's no wonder women play it safe and do it in a manner that isn't blunt and direct. Also if they are very direct they can be accused of being a harsh bitch.

Usually rejection is clear, you don't need it spelt out unless you really can't read people or situations.

 Gogsnik wrote:
I think most people are pretty bloody strange.

Good for you though Ash. You may not have benefited directly from this thread but it seems that, the manner in which your chap eventually approached you mirrors some of the other stories people have posted up here. Interesting.

Which Ash?

O.o

 Asherian Command wrote:

 Gogsnik wrote:
I think most people are pretty bloody strange.

Good for you though Ash. You may not have benefited directly from this thread but it seems that, the manner in which your chap eventually approached you mirrors some of the other stories people have posted up here. Interesting.

Which Ash?

O.o

Ashiraya.

 flamingkillamajig wrote:

 Ashiraya wrote:
Not directly, but it helps me understand men, which never hurts.

You're quite strange creatures, you know.

I don't think so. I think it's the women who are weird.

I suppose it wouldn't be much of a problem if they were just straightforward. Perhaps many are too afraid to hurt guy's feelings and never tell them they're not interested? I dunno.

It's the different perspectives that makes the other seem weird. So everyone here is.

 Howard A Treesong wrote:
Given the irrational or aggressive way some men handle rejection it's no wonder women play it safe and do it in a manner that isn't blunt and direct. Also if they are very direct they can be accused of being a harsh bitch.

Usually rejection is clear, you don't need it spelt out unless you really can't read people or situations.

Not for me. When one girl i spoke to was honest and straightforward and said she felt no connection i had the utmost respect for her. In fact what she did was very genuine and decent and i don't see enough women do so. So yeah what she did i have total respect for. I only wish more women did that.

I'm rather disgusted by some of the ***holes and douches i've seen dating women though (the ones that treat women like sh*t and like b*tches). I think those women sometimes come with their own brand of problems (some are terrible themselves and do a similar thing to men 'douchettes' if you will) and the dudes that look for them don't look too hard. All that said it bothers me that these jerks even if they are often good looking get all these women. You know maybe people are trying to be nice and some feel disgusted there's something attached to it but honestly i don't. I'd rather be with somebody that treats me well in comparison to a person that treats me like crap. Normally though i try to go for honesty these days as hard as it can be. I'll admit sometimes attractive women have a hypnotic effect on me and other people that might be interested. Anybody ever see the south park episode of "bebe's boobs destroy society"? It's kind of like that. Sometimes an attractive person can stupefy people interested in that gender.

 flamingkillamajig wrote:
I don't think so. I think it's the women who are weird.

People are weird. They do weird stuff all the time!

 flamingkillamajig wrote:
I suppose it wouldn't be much of a problem if they were just straightforward.

Of course if everyone was always straightforward, everything would be much simpler. Anyhow, I do not feel like men are more straightforward than women.

 Asherian Command wrote:
Which Ash?

O.o

You! Congrats for your new Dane boyfriend!

I went on a date yesterday (lasted about 2 hours) at a Bubble Tea place, I feel things went alright she seemed to be laughing a lot and smiling, she sat in a crossed position with her top leg facing me occasional touching my foot, she also had some confusing body language such as

crossing her arms for a moment (a nervous, defensive gesture) but she was leaning towards me as she was doing it (implying interest), we both talked roughly the same amount (I might have said a few more things but I talk a lot in general), we both said a few awkward things but for the

most I had a good time and I hope she did too. Also before the date and the beginning of the date (I built up confidence as we began conversing more) I was a nervous mess my back was sweating, I had skid marks on my underwear, dry mouth, excessive peeing, butterflies in my stomach,

lack of appetite, etc is there anyway to combat anxiety like this or is experience the only way? Also I'm thinking of waiting about a week to see if she replies, don't know if that's a good idea or not.

The whole 'crossing arms is a defensive gesture' thing has always sounded like complete rubbish to me; crossing my arms is a matter of personal comfort, and the only thing anyone should take away from the fact I'm doing it is that I wanted to be in a more comfortable position, and rest my arms.

Personally, I'd say ignore it.


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 Cheesecat wrote:
I was a nervous mess my back was sweating, I had skid marks on my underwear, dry mouth, excessive peeing, butterflies in my stomach,

lack of appetite, etc is there anyway to combat anxiety like this or is experience the only way? Also I'm thinking of waiting about a week to see if she replies, don't know if that's a good idea or not.

Sweating is normal, as is dry mouth, and the more frequent urge to urinate + butterflies and a lack of appetite, and if I knew how to combat anxiety outside of medication, I wouldn't be in the personal mess I am today.

The skid marks, however, are simply a sign of not wiping thoroughly after going #2.

 Avatar 720 wrote:
Personally, I'd say ignore it.

You're probably right and I'm just over thinking things, I mean if the rest of the content from my date sounds positive it seems likely that the experience was mostly positive.

Since I got stood up I can't help feeling as if I'm failing at this whole thing, reading the signs and everything. And that I'm just never going too get a girl.

Getting stood up sucks, and on valentine's day

 Ashiraya wrote:
Friends of Dakka, I am pleased to report that I just got myself a boyfriend.

He's a Dane (!) who I have known for years and grown closer and closer to until he asked earlier today.

So, yay! Time of loneliness is over!

Congrats!

 Ashiraya wrote:
Friends of Dakka, I am pleased to report that I just got myself a boyfriend.

He's a Dane (!) who I have known for years and grown closer and closer to until he asked earlier today.

So, yay! Time of loneliness is over!

inb4 tragic breakup post!

j/k, best of luck to you two, glad to hear you found someone

I find a pretty great irony in all the things I hear about gamer girls being impossible to get as girlfriends due to competition and when I finally become one, my man isn't even a hobbyist at all!

He is a fan of IG, though, even though he doesn't actively take part in the hobby. Poor guy to be stuck with an OP-Astartes-nutter, eh?

 Ashiraya wrote:
I find a pretty great irony in all the things I hear about gamer girls being impossible to get as girlfriends due to competition and when I finally become one, my man isn't even a hobbyist at all!

He is a fan of IG, though, even though he doesn't actively take part in the hobby. Poor guy to be stuck with an OP-Astartes-nutter, eh?

Gamer Girls are....an interesting idea TBH.
I mean, Think about it, I personally dont want a gamer girl, I want a girl who accepts my gaming and may partake in it.
And the guys who go "All I want is a gamer girl and one who is eactly like me" are not the ones you wanna date, while the guys who you do, dont look for amer girls

 Ashiraya wrote:
Not directly, but it helps me understand men, which never hurts.

You're quite strange creatures, you know.

lemme tell you something: A man from Europe wanted god to make him a bridge from EU to Hawaii, since he was scared flying in planes, and he always felt sick in ships. Then god explains him that is impossible to do because obvious reasons(depth of the atlantic AND pacific, winds....)
Then, a man asks god the following: I want to understand the way women think, when they are joking amd when they are serious and how to make them happy.
God: *Sigh* OK, do you want a 2 or 4 track bridge???

 Ashiraya wrote:
I find a pretty great irony in all the things I hear about gamer girls being impossible to get as girlfriends due to competition and when I finally become one, my man isn't even a hobbyist at all!

He is a fan of IG, though, even though he doesn't actively take part in the hobby. Poor guy to be stuck with an OP-Astartes-nutter, eh?

Not really. It's not impossible for them to get boyfriends (in fact it's rather likely) but it's impossibly hard for guys to be their boyfriends. It's a numbers thing.

Anyway i think i'll stop looking for gamer girls myself. It's just not worth it. Perhaps at most just a girl that likes video games. Maybe just a girl i connect with would be enough.

 Ashiraya wrote:
He is a fan of IG, though, even though he doesn't actively take part in the hobby. Poor guy to be stuck with an OP-Astartes-nutter, eh?

Does this mean that, for the sake of peace in your relationship, you will be backing off from your previous claims of marine superiority and accepting their true place as cannon fodder for the LBRTs? Relationships are all about compromise, and what better place to start?


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 flamingkillamajig wrote:
Anyway i think i'll stop looking for gamer girls myself. It's just not worth it. Perhaps at most just a girl that likes video games. Maybe just a girl i connect with would be enough.

This is the right approach. Superficial things like which games a person plays don't mean much for compatibility. It's a nice bonus if you have that particular thing in common, but as long as you have something to share the most important thing is that they understand and accept your hobbies, even if they don't participate in them with you.

Huh i thought ashiraya was a sisters fan. I'd imagine their codex creep is ridiculous by now.

I actually think i'm gonna try going for girls that don't get a new boyfriend too quickly. There's something about people that have too many friends or lovers that seems to give a lowered value on their worth for those people. It's just not worth it to love somebody to death and having them consider you worth as much as a tissue they blow into that can be replaced at any time. I figure if i want somebody said person would have to have fairly long relationships (normally last about 9 months or more) that they actually put serious effort into. Perhaps also it'd be better if they weren't always being taken by guys. Just basically somebody that cares about who they are with and is honest enough about how they're feeling.

 flamingkillamajig wrote:
Huh i thought ashiraya was a sisters fan. I'd imagine their codex creep is ridiculous by now.

I actually think i'm gonna try going for girls that don't get a new boyfriend too quickly. There's something about people that have too many friends or lovers that seems to give a lowered value on their worth for those people. It's just not worth it to love somebody to death and having them consider you worth as much as a tissue they blow into that can be replaced at any time. I figure if i want somebody said person would have to have fairly long relationships (normally last about 9 months or more) that they actually put serious effort into. Perhaps also it'd be better if they weren't always being taken by guys. Just basically somebody that cares about who they are with and is honest enough about how they're feeling.

This may not mean a whole lot coming from me, but just try and find someone you like. Dont end up like me.

 flamingkillamajig wrote:
I actually think i'm gonna try going for girls that don't get a new boyfriend too quickly. There's something about people that have too many friends or lovers that seems to give a lowered value on their worth for those people. It's just not worth it to love somebody to death and having them consider you worth as much as a tissue they blow into that can be replaced at any time. I figure if i want somebody said person would have to have fairly long relationships (normally last about 9 months or more) that they actually put serious effort into. Perhaps also it'd be better if they weren't always being taken by guys. Just basically somebody that cares about who they are with and is honest enough about how they're feeling.

You're making a big mistake by assuming that average length of relationship is the same as level of caring about those relationships. Yeah, there are some people who turn serial monogamy into a self-destructive thing, but you really have to know WHY those relationships were short. Were they short because the other people did things to end it? Was your potential person of interest in casual FWB-type relationships that everyone involved was happy with? If it's something like that then having lots of short relationships doesn't mean they aren't capable of commitment.

Alternatively, you might want to consider that there isn't some linear scale of relationship value with casual sex at the bottom and marriage until death at the top. Short-term or casual relationships can have value if that's what everyone wants. It's ok to want certain things in your own relationships, but you seem to be crossing the line into declaring that anyone who doesn't commit to serious long-term monogamy is a bad person.

 Peregrine wrote:

 flamingkillamajig wrote:
I actually think i'm gonna try going for girls that don't get a new boyfriend too quickly. There's something about people that have too many friends or lovers that seems to give a lowered value on their worth for those people. It's just not worth it to love somebody to death and having them consider you worth as much as a tissue they blow into that can be replaced at any time. I figure if i want somebody said person would have to have fairly long relationships (normally last about 9 months or more) that they actually put serious effort into. Perhaps also it'd be better if they weren't always being taken by guys. Just basically somebody that cares about who they are with and is honest enough about how they're feeling.

You're making a big mistake by assuming that average length of relationship is the same as level of caring about those relationships. Yeah, there are some people who turn serial monogamy into a self-destructive thing, but you really have to know WHY those relationships were short. Were they short because the other people did things to end it? Was your potential person of interest in casual FWB-type relationships that everyone involved was happy with? If it's something like that then having lots of short relationships doesn't mean they aren't capable of commitment.

Alternatively, you might want to consider that there isn't some linear scale of relationship value with casual sex at the bottom and marriage until death at the top. Short-term or casual relationships can have value if that's what everyone wants. It's ok to want certain things in your own relationships, but you seem to be crossing the line into declaring that anyone who doesn't commit to serious long-term monogamy is a bad person.

Not really as long as they're honest about it. I'm just saying the ones that have very short term relationships (without being honest about what they want) and give low value to their friends and lovers are not worth being around.

 flamingkillamajig wrote:
Huh i thought ashiraya was a sisters fan.

Nah. Really not. We get into constant astartes versus sororitas debates in the Background section, and it started back when she was Brother Something, Haraldus maybe . I am the Sisters fan.
For anyone wondering (no-one was, I guess), the climbing was quite nice. I love to teach new people to climb. I will likely die when one of them fail to belay me properly . Also, I like cooking for people. I made a gratin de ravioles, this time. With a few mushroom, but not much because I left them for too long in the frying pan.
I got her pretty tired, I guess. She sent me a text saying that she was unable to even peel a banana now . She needs more training! But the previous one put the bar pretty damn high.

 Hybrid Son Of Oxayotl wrote:
I made a gratin de ravioles, this time. With a few mushroom, but not much because I left them for too long in the frying pan.

This put the idea of a Dakka Cook Book into my head and made me smile. On the subject of mushrooms I've gone off fried mushrooms, always find them to be a too greasy/oily but I find them delicious raw and I don't think many people eat them that way.

I was also going to ask if Ash's new chap was into 40K and I am not surprised that he isn't overly. I think that could be the problem with the whole 'gamer girl' concept, especially since many more girls play games these days anyway it's less 'gamer girl' and more 'just another person who plays games for fun'; or are these gamer girls in the same category as full on hardcore gamers (who I would think of as male)? I play games for entertainment but would not consider myself a gamer per se and the gamer fanatics don't make much sense to me, not because of what they like but the intensity of it, especially when people start referring to their computer as a 'rig'.

 Hybrid Son Of Oxayotl wrote:
Nah. Really not. We get into constant astartes versus sororitas debates in the Background section, and it started back when she was Brother Something, Haraldus maybe . I am the Sisters fan.

 Peregrine wrote:
Does this mean that, for the sake of peace in your relationship, you will be backing off from your previous claims of marine superiority and accepting their true place as cannon fodder for the LBRTs? Relationships are all about compromise, and what better place to start?

If I can survive you two nutters, I can survive my boyfriend refusing to accept the Astartes' rightful position as the demigod rambos of the setting. (Marbo's gone, remember?)

That said, I think our differences actually makes it more interesting. Someone whose interests do not match perfectly with yours gives you a different view, and it might even introduce you to a hobby, activity or preference you would not otherwise have considered.

This is the right approach. Superficial things like which games a person plays don't mean much for compatibility. It's a nice bonus if you have that particular thing in common, but as long as you have something to share the most important thing is that they understand and accept your hobbies, even if they don't participate in them with you.

Entirely correct. The problem with looking for 'gamer partners' is that you narrow down their important qualities to a hobby that's honestly a rather minor aspect, in the grand scheme of things. What matters most is if you feel you fit. If you could fall in love with someone without ever seeing their face, but rather simply due to their demanour and personality, you two will work.

 Ashiraya wrote:

Entirely correct. The problem with looking for 'gamer partners' is that you narrow down their important qualities to a hobby that's honestly a rather minor aspect, in the grand scheme of things. What matters most is if you feel you fit. If you could fall in love with someone without ever seeing their face, but rather simply due to their demanour and personality, you two will work.

Alot of guys i know got their GF into stuff like D&D and RPGs....but they didnt start that way.

 Gogsnik wrote:
I was also going to ask if Ash's new chap was into 40K and I am not surprised that he isn't overly. I think that could be the problem with the whole 'gamer girl' concept, especially since many more girls play games these days anyway it's less 'gamer girl' and more 'just another person who plays games for fun'; or are these gamer girls in the same category as full on hardcore gamers (who I would think of as male)?

The first time I met him was actually a few years ago in World of Warcraft, when he joined my roleplaying guild. At the time he had another girlfriend and while he quickly rose to an officer position in the guild, he never really appeared that extraordinary at first. But when he eventually quit the game, we never lost contact, and over the years there are few people I've talked with more.

Now that I have seen his face and heard his voice, I am honestly incredibly satisfied. Saying that he is super-attractive in the traditional sense would not be true, but I am in love with his personality and that is what matters to me.

 Ashiraya wrote:

 Gogsnik wrote:
I was also going to ask if Ash's new chap was into 40K and I am not surprised that he isn't overly. I think that could be the problem with the whole 'gamer girl' concept, especially since many more girls play games these days anyway it's less 'gamer girl' and more 'just another person who plays games for fun'; or are these gamer girls in the same category as full on hardcore gamers (who I would think of as male)?

The first time I met him was actually a few years ago in World of Warcraft, when he joined my roleplaying guild. At the time he had another girlfriend and while he quickly rose to an officer position in the guild, he never really appeared that extraordinary at first. But when he eventually quit the game, we never lost contact, and over the years there are few people I've talked with more.

Now that I have seen his face and heard his voice, I am honestly incredibly satisfied. Saying that he is super-attractive in the traditional sense would not be true, but I am in love with his personality and that is what matters to me.

Man, All the girls I met in WoW where really guys.....

 Gogsnik wrote:
This put the idea of a Dakka Cook Book into my head and made me smile.

I can give recipes for gratin and lasagna. And, uh, pasta? Plain rice?

 Gogsnik wrote:
On the subject of mushrooms I've gone off fried mushrooms, always find them to be a too greasy/oily but I find them delicious raw and I don't think many people eat them that way.

Greasy is nice. Especially in gratin .

Honestly, I would rather have a girlfriend that share my tastes for weird movies than for wargaming or video games. Not sure why, though. But spending a night watching B-movies at a festival seems a much better romantic activity than spending a night playing Strife or Warmachine.