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DISCLAIMER: The following is a parody of this forum's reactions to new codexes in general and Tau hate threads in particular. The views expounded upon in this post are not those of the OP, and are used only for purposes of parody.

SARCASM MODE: ON

If you haven't been paying attention to the news about the latest Tau codex, I'll save you the trouble: Tau are now just as broken as Eldar. Fortunately, there's an easy way to send a message that we won't tolerate this kind of gak in our game: refuse to play against any Tau player. I know that both I and many others at the FLGSs that I attend already plan on doing so. The more Tau players complain about how they won't be allowed to abuse the everloving feth out of their cheesedex, the sooner TOs and even GW itself will realize how big of a mistake has been made.

There's no point in reasoning with Tau players; they're either TFG WAAC players who plan on ruining everyone's fun or a bunch of goobs who are responsible for the wishlisting and favoritism that the Tau have received.

If you do play Tau, you're TFG and you should feel bad. Either exploit and abuse the crap out of your Eldar-level of broken codex, or save everyone the trouble and don't play at all.

Even if GW doesn't pay attention to forums, Tournament Organizers do. It's time to show them that for the sake of balance in Warhammer 40,000 Tau should either be totally banned from competitive play, or nerfed into the dirt.

SARCASM MODE: OFF

You forgot to tell people to go kill themselves if they cry OP.

 Resin Glazed Guardsman wrote:
You forgot to tell people to go kill themselves if they cry OP.

Now now, that would be against Dakka posting guidelines.

for the record, I do not think that Tau are as broken as Eldar. Personally, I'd put them on about the same power level as the current Space Marine codex. They have an overpowered unit (the Buffmander) and overpowered formations (Hunter Contingent), but other than that I'd say they're balanced against the other 7.5 edition codexes. The remaining 6th and early 7th edition codexes are another story though.

I for one welcome our new Tau overlords

,I hate Tau too! This one time, two Hammerheads destroyed my Land Raider out in the open that was just sitting there trading shots with them! Over two turns no less! fething cheese OP Tau.

Serious: The codex leaked, the formations are really good. I'm a little scared.

Joke: You are all fething goobs.

Serious: I'm hoping my Chaos Space Marines get the same treatment. (decently balanced)

Joke: I'm hoping my Chaos Space Marines get the same treatment! (overpowered gak)

This thread just made my day - thanks OP!

On a serious note:
Being a Chaos player, I really have no clue at all what I can do against a Hunter Cadre or formation-heavy Tau list. Even Daemons are fethed pretty hard by the Hunter Cadre set-up.
I still think though that there's fun to be had against any list using just a basic CAD set-up, as overall the Tau didn't get anything super crazy that they already didn't have. (*cough*buffmander*cough*)

Seeing the fething huge model release that Tau have received - including re-sculpts of both Fire Warriors & Crisis Suits gives me a glimmer of ever-so-faint hope that Chaos Marines might finally get some of our basic kits a badly needed re-do.


On a purely joking note:
Anyone who plays Tau now is just some talentless noob-slayer or FotM competitive donkeycave! Real hobbyists play Chaos and forge the most bitter of narratives!

This one time I played my Eldar against Tau...and, and, I was nice and didn't bring Scat bikes or a Wraithknight, and I went almost pure melee and brought some Dark Eldar allies and Harlequin allies...and the Tau player brought loads of Smart Missile Systems and ignored all my cover so I couldn't do anything.

WAAC Players! That's what they do you know just deep strike in ignoring covers and shooting all the CADs.

These people have no understanding what its like to play real 40k armies that have to use skill and tactics to actually have a chance to win the game. They are the "That Guy" type of goobs that make the 40K community so toxic and unfun. They also ruin the casual and narrative play that can make this game so enjoyable and friendly. I just don't know how these kinds of players can live with themselves. I would never be so low as to play such a broken army as the Ta.........ummmmmm............. Actually Tau are totally fine.... just got to kill those markerlights first and the Tau army just falls apart..... absolutely they do........ yep.

Experiment 626 wrote:
This thread just made my day - thanks OP!

On a serious note:
Being a Chaos player, I really have no clue at all what I can do against a Hunter Cadre or formation-heavy Tau list. Even Daemons are fethed pretty hard by the Hunter Cadre set-up.
I still think though that there's fun to be had against any list using just a basic CAD set-up, as overall the Tau didn't get anything super crazy that they already didn't have. (*cough*buffmander*cough*)

Seeing the fething huge model release that Tau have received - including re-sculpts of both Fire Warriors & Crisis Suits gives me a glimmer of ever-so-faint hope that Chaos Marines might finally get some of our basic kits a badly needed re-do.


On a purely joking note:
Anyone who plays Tau now is just some talentless noob-slayer or FotM competitive donkeycave! Real hobbyists play Chaos and forge the most bitter of narratives!

When I troll, I troll hardcore.

Chaos definitely needs love, but it seems that GW has finally gotten off its Age of Sigmar fix and is going back to large releases for 40k. This can only bode well for Chaos.

SARCASM MODE: ON
We're up to five people who have joined our crusade/been trolled into posting in this thread. We should start an name for our group! I hereby name this faction Operation ANTI-PITCHFORK!

 Vankraken wrote:
WAAC Players! That's what they do you know just deep strike in ignoring covers and shooting all the CADs.

These people have no understanding what its like to play real 40k armies that have to use skill and tactics to actually have a chance to win the game. They are the "That Guy" type of goobs that make the 40K community so toxic and unfun. They also ruin the casual and narrative play that can make this game so enjoyable and friendly. I just don't know how these kinds of players can live with themselves. I would never be so low as to play such a broken army as the Ta.........ummmmmm............. Actually Tau are totally fine.... just got to kill those markerlights first and the Tau army just falls apart..... absolutely they do........ yep.

^ Is obviously a WaaC's Tau player, so his cheese is just well balanced rules writing and opponents need to just l2p!

Tau so awful and broken, why can't they be reasonable and balanced like our 2+ rerollable Bikes?!

I actually just purely dislike the look of Tau. I've always thought they didn't fit in the setting of 40k. (Serious)

 jreilly89 wrote:
I actually just purely dislike the look of Tau. I've always thought they didn't fit in the setting of 40k. (Serious)

SERIOUS MODE ON

This is actually a very common complaint, many hold "not fitting in" against Tau, and it's one of the big issues people have with them.

HAHAHAH!

Gamgee, you really made an impression with that ban-all-eldar thread, huh?

CrashGordon94 wrote:

 jreilly89 wrote:
I actually just purely dislike the look of Tau. I've always thought they didn't fit in the setting of 40k. (Serious)

SERIOUS MODE ON

This is actually a very common complaint, many hold "not fitting in" against Tau, and it's one of the big issues people have with them.

SARCASM MODE: ON

I know, right? What the feth is up with this japanime hentai BS in my grimdark? Tau should be squatted. They're barely relevant to the lore anyway.

Vector Strike wrote:Gamgee, you really made an impression with that ban-all-eldar thread, huh?

SARCASM MODE: OFF

You have no idea how long I have been waiting to do this. And boy does it feel satisfying!

Serious: I've never really found Tau to be OP, but they have so far been impossible to table. Adding some OP formation on top of the markerlights and mobile suits, now that might finally make even me change my mind.

I'll wait and see what our resident Tau player manages to do before passing judgement though.

 TheNewBlood wrote:
SARCASM MODE: ON

I know, right? What the feth is up with this japanime hentai BS in my grimdark? Tau should be squatted. They're barely relevant to the lore anyway.

Serious: To be clear, I never had that issue with them. In fact they're one of only two Xenos armies I actually have any interest in (them and da Orkz!), as well as the only one of the two I ever thought of collecting. They were even my first army choice actually, though I eventually settled on Dark Angels. Decide for yourself whether I made the right decision there or not, but I'll probably pick up Tau eventually anyway (unless GW brings out a 40k AOS and squats the real thing...). Beyond that, I don't find them to "not fit in" in any way beyond them being a unique army, which is obviously a good thing.

Sarcasm: Yeah! And you know what, screw the other alien armies too! Obviously all 40k needs is MAHREENS and Chaos and Orks for them to beat up!

Serious mode: Well G-fething-G Tau players . You got way more than what you wanted while also getting exactly nothing you wanted.

Sarcasm mode: L2P suckas! I'm not a bandwagoner you noob, I've always played Tau, you've just never seen them before. No the minis are new because I spent like $2000 getting the new units yo. Ha get rekt you're terrible at 40k.
Get those FW/Grav centuians/Eldar outta here! You cheesy tfg! My Tau are too weak to deal with them. Their totes 100% CSM level.

(Serious made: No I don't think all Tau players are like that. Maybe 1-2% of them are, but that's only because they smelt their favorite food - cheese - and jumped on the wagon!)

Sarcasm mode: Your telling me tau are OP! I just wiped out my opponents army before we even got set up!


Serious mod:

 Matt.Kingsley wrote:
Serious mode: Well G-fething-G Tau players . You got way more than what you wanted while also getting exactly nothing you wanted.

This is pretty much spot-on.

How are my Harlequins supposed to be able to deal with all of this medium strength low ap weaponry!?!

They're going to mitigate my armor saves and I'll be forced to close into melee range...

Oh right, I'd forgotten about the rage-thread against the broken Eldar book. He doesn't seem to mind so much now that it's Tau benefiting from GW's mindless flailing, interestingly enough.

Sarcastic: I intend to smother my younger brother with a pillow tonight and throw his dirty, dirty fish-people into the middle of the lake they presumably crawled out of. It will be for his own good.

Serious: There is virtually no point trying to use my Chaos against Tau anymore. My Slaaneshis were already weak to them, which I was okay with because it was how the armies are, but now I can't see anything other than us turning up and me removing models. Fortunately they serve beer where I play, so it isn't a complete loss.

One day, in the distant future, GW might remember that CSM is an army. And on that day, they will give us a half-assed release and three mediocre formations. They will talk about how they've switched to "focusing on game balance", before buffing Necrons again a fortnight later. And we, the CSM players, the battered, worn-down, discarded hive scum of the crumbling GW empire, will look up from amongst the filth and say to each other; "Hey guys, we've got one gimmicky build that kind of works..."

I do feel really sorry of CSM players. You guys have such a cool look and feel to your armies, but it's so low on the playability tiers, heck it's probably last.

 Vector Strike wrote:
Gamgee, you really made an impression with that ban-all-eldar thread, huh?

But do I ever have peoples attention. Sometimes that's the funnest thing.

Also I rescind the ban Eldar thing. If all codices are made at this rough power level its a lot more of an even field. That and they have some competition for most OP race.

 Co'tor Shas wrote:
I do feel really sorry of CSM players. You guys have such a cool look and feel to your armies, but it's so low on the playability tiers, heck it's probably last.

Us and Orks, by my reckoning. Even with Daemons allied in it's tough, there are just no answers to so many things. Fortunately the local scene is relatively friendly, it could be much, much worse.

 Gamgee wrote:

 Vector Strike wrote:
Gamgee, you really made an impression with that ban-all-eldar thread, huh?

But do I ever have peoples attention. Sometimes that's the funnest thing.

Also I rescind the ban Eldar thing. If all codices are made at this rough power level its a lot more of an even field. That and they have some competition for most OP race.

Good. I have in turn removed you from my ignore list, and will no longer link to the offending thread as it is no longer relevant.

 TheNewBlood wrote:

 Gamgee wrote:

 Vector Strike wrote:
Gamgee, you really made an impression with that ban-all-eldar thread, huh?

But do I ever have peoples attention. Sometimes that's the funnest thing.

Also I rescind the ban Eldar thing. If all codices are made at this rough power level its a lot more of an even field. That and they have some competition for most OP race.

Good. I have in turn removed you from my ignore list, and will no longer link to the offending thread as it is no longer relevant.

I am full well prepared to admit I'm wrong and/or the situation changed, so I can become that much stronger by learning from my mistakes and/or adapt to the new changes.

*Laughs with Tau players*
*Looks at own Necron army*
*Realizes that Necrons need new things to*
*Realizes it probably won't happen*
*Cries*