Forum adverts like this one are shown to any user who is not logged in. Join us by filling out a tiny 3 field form and you will get your own, free, dakka user account which gives a good range of benefits to you: No adverts like this in the forums anymore. Times and dates in your local timezone. Full tracking of what you have read so you can skip to your first unread post, easily see what has changed since you last logged in, and easily see what is new at a glance. Email notifications for threads you want to watch closely. Being a part of the oldest wargaming community on the net. If you are already a member then feel free to login now.

My wife has played a few times but generally doesn't have the time to get a game in usually due to being busy dealing with the kids. Now that kid #2 is starting to more reliably sleep through the night and kid #1 needs less supervision it should be possible to fit in small games more reliably now.

I got into 40k because me and my ex wanted a hobby. My girlfriend after got into it because I carried it on!

My girlfriend doesn't mind the hobby side, but she doesn't have any desire to play, and she'd never buy her own stuff because it's too expensive for her.

Weirdly, I've noticed far more women on the Age of Sigmar groups on Facebook than any other gaming community I'm part of. I dunno if it's just a coincidence or I just haven't noticed elsewhere so it might not mean anything but just an observation.

It holds absolutely no interest to the wife at all. Which isn't suprising seeing as she has little-to-no interest in the science-fiction, fantasy, or war genres as a whole.

She's never judged me for my own continued interest, though. Despite being all grown up and a "proper adult" and all that.

Sorta-kinda-maybe.

My girlfriend enjoys painting, but she has a vertigo-esque condition where certain activities / degrees of focus will make her sick. So she can soldier through putting a decent paint job on a single hormagaunt / termagaunt once every three or so days, but more than that and she becomes very uncomfortable or seriously ill.

She doesn't mind playing so much, but it's hard to get her to do it. She tends to get extremely discouraged if she's not amazing at something right off, so it's difficult to get her to play but when I do she does rather enjoy it. The needlessly huge and complicated ruleset doesn't really help with getting her to play though.

All three of us play. One 'nid, one Necron and me.

I could get my GF to buy and build a TW Calvery cause I built with her one time and she liked it, but she has no interest in playing- I think it looks too hard to her. I did get her to play pokemon tcg tho

My missus is lightly into sci-fi, fantasy, etc, she's read Lord of the Rings, watched all the Star Wars films repeatedly, etc. However, she is not interested in playing with toy soldiers. Having said that she has no problem with me playing and painting, etc.

Never had a gf interested in it, although I've never had one who was against it either. I tend to bring it up pretty early that I participate in this hobby with the whole "I like to build and paint models, then sometimes I play war games with them that are like risk on crack". Gives them a decent idea of what I do without going overboard.

They do like to see stuff I've painted though after I mention it. The WWII historical don't really hold much interest but the more out there stuff like my Orks and Starship trooper models really interest them.

And I'm perfectly fine with that. A couple doesn't need to spend ever waking moment together and honestly its nice to have something you can do by yourself. Several times we would set a "free day" where we both went off and did something with friends without the other around and then we'd talk about it later. Gives her time to grab a drink with the girls and watch sappy romantic comedies or read or hike or any other number of things and I don't have to drag her somewhere she doesn't want to be.

Me and the GF play every game you can think of together, it's awesome and bad at the same time.

1. You have to buy twice the stuff, talk about expensive!

2. A game between the guys goes much different then a game between the gf. If I table my buddy we have a drink and laugh, if I table the gf I'm in the doghouse (Yes, about 90% of our relationship arguments are over the latest 40k or AOS stomp, can't really complain there!)

But, the ability of just putting the kiddos to bed and having a game instead of setting something up with various others schedules beats all of that. I went to playing one to 2 games a month to 3 games a week!

As a side note to point one, if a buddy loses to me he will change his tactics for the next game, if my gf loses she orders another windrider squad or wraith knight...... Then she tables me, so I buy something, you can see where this goes lol!

My wife and I both got into wargaming when our daughter was born. Maternity leave gave her lots of free time and I was a stay at home dad, so it gave us something to do together. She plays tyranids and dark Eldar, dwarves in fantasy, aquans in firestorm Armada, Germany in flames of war, the bunnies in netherworld's Edge, and whatever for xwing. She never wants to read the rules though, just her armies stats. I have to do all the rule learning... Also the painting.

This might be relevant to the topic.

http://latining.tumblr.com/post/141567276944/tabletop-gaming-has-a-white-male-terrorism-problem

 Grand.Master.Raziel wrote:
This might be relevant to the topic.

http://latining.tumblr.com/post/141567276944/tabletop-gaming-has-a-white-male-terrorism-problem

Yes, it is. ^^; Although I've personally had more trouble with the Warmahordes community.

I got my partner to play, does that count? Oh wait, it's not a girl so n/m

I don't know how to react to that.

pm713 wrote:
I don't know how to react to that.

The doods at Catalyst actually wrote a really good response, IMO: http://catalystgamelabs.tumblr.com/post/142369662746/im-standing-up

I guess basically the only thing for most people to do is be aware that this stuff is happening, and try to stop it when you see it? I mean there's other reasons 40k isn't too popular with women, but for nerd hobbies in general this is a big one.

 Jewelfox wrote:

pm713 wrote:
I don't know how to react to that.

The doods at Catalyst actually wrote a really good response, IMO: http://catalystgamelabs.tumblr.com/post/142369662746/im-standing-up

I guess basically the only thing for most people to do is be aware that this stuff is happening, and try to stop it when you see it? I mean there's other reasons 40k isn't too popular with women, but for nerd hobbies in general this is a big one.

I normally don't post inflammatory posts, and although my local community and flgs scene has women, although they are a minority, this is absolutely disgusting. I simply can't understand why someone would do that to another person just for liking THE SAME FETHING THING AS YOU. I mean are these people so detached from reality they think this kind of behavior is ok? Or do they just not care about other people? So jus as an open message to all gamers, wait, all PEOPLE who use this site and read this, listen; Every person in the hobby, every person in the store, every person online, and every person in the world. They are just that. People. They are not your girlfriend candidates. They are not 3D porn. They are NOT any different than you. They just want to live their lives and enjoy their hobbies. Let them. Please.

Ok, now that my rant is over I would like to point out I'm in the group where my girlfriend and I build models together (not 40k mind you, she prefers anime plastic models) but she is absolutely fascinated by the game and we are planning to play a small scale game soon when we have the time.

 thepowerfulwill wrote:
Ok, now that my rant is over I would like to point out I'm in the group where my girlfriend and I build models together (not 40k mind you, she prefers anime plastic models) but she is absolutely fascinated by the game and we are planning to play a small scale game soon when we have the time.

I like anime plastic models too, that's why I play Tau :'D srsly what is the point of Gunpla if you can't roll dice for their attacks

The store I used to go to had a really clean and welcoming environment overall, but I was still the only woman who played 40k. Ironically (for those who read the essay) the Malifaux crowd had a female organizer, although they also had at least one creep. I also sometimes saw women playing Warmahordes, and of course TRPGs were popular. I think if more women knew about the storytelling potential in minis games, there might be more interest (also the ones with a lower cost of entry got more newbies in general I think).

 Grand.Master.Raziel wrote:
This might be relevant to the topic.

http://latining.tumblr.com/post/141567276944/tabletop-gaming-has-a-white-male-terrorism-problem

It always astonishes me how stupid people can be. I always hear about this stuff but never see it here thankfully, but I don't go there all that frequently or for too long. I have noticed a few odd creepy comments here and there but that's it.

 Gamgee wrote:

 Grand.Master.Raziel wrote:
This might be relevant to the topic.

http://latining.tumblr.com/post/141567276944/tabletop-gaming-has-a-white-male-terrorism-problem

It always astonishes me how stupid people can be. I always hear about this stuff but never see it here thankfully, but I don't go there all that frequently or for too long. I have noticed a few odd creepy comments here and there but that's it.

I think that like, the top reasons why this goes on in any community are stuff like

1. It's done by PM / stalking / email
2. It takes forms that are hard to identify as misogyny or anti-minority prejudice specifically (i.e. shaming Tau players also discourages female anime fans from participating, shutting down discussion of female space marines discourages would-be Adepta Astartes)
3. It seems like a "joke," or like it's no worse than other forms of criticism (except that it's gendered)

This is all why hearing accounts like the above is important. >_>b

There's an OT thread on that tumblr post already, friends. Let's not repeat it here.

 Jewelfox wrote:
2. It takes forms that are hard to identify as misogyny or anti-minority prejudice specifically (i.e. shaming Tau players also discourages female anime fans from participating, shutting down discussion of female space marines discourages would-be Adepta Astartes)

wouldn't the tau comment apply to ALL anime fans, not just female ones? I won't touch the SM one since that always makes for long discussions of Established fluff vs. political correctness.

as for OP: locally we see some, but not to many wives or girlfriends at local stores gaming (more painting though). I know that some of my friends and family often play, though not out-and-about (for reasons ranging from "I don't wanna look like a nerd" to "I have kids" and beyond)

 Grand.Master.Raziel wrote:
This might be relevant to the topic.

http://latining.tumblr.com/post/141567276944/tabletop-gaming-has-a-white-male-terrorism-problem

While its relevant to a degree, may want to keep it to the thread it already has. It blew up quick and could derail this one real fast.


Whether the article is a 100% accurate or not, at the very least its a big indicator to at least a perceived "boys only" feeling in the community.

While I've yet to meet anybody in person actively discouraging women from participating, the games I play tend to be very inviting (X-Wing communities may be the most easy to join groups I've ever seen) or ones that just straight up seem to hold no interest to women (historicals) Lord knows the internet is a different story though, there can be some real arseholes on there. I wouldn't blame a woman for one second for avoiding this hobby after some of the crap I've read morons spout online.

For being a hobby for supposed social outcasts, I swear it has bullies that put anything I saw in military and high school to shame.

 MrMoustaffa wrote:

 Grand.Master.Raziel wrote:


For being a hobby for supposed social outcasts, I swear it has bullies that put anything I saw in military and high school to shame.

Oh, nerds are bullies too. In fact, I found way more bullies in academia than in sports or high school.

 Brennonjw wrote:
I won't touch the SM one since that always makes for long discussions of Established fluff vs. political correctness

Welp, I'd better go tell my friend back at the games store that his female spehss mureen scouts are all wrong, then.

My biologist partner thinks your Established Fluff is hilarious, BTW. It's like the misogynist icing on the neo-fascist white supremacist cake that is the Imperium's story and imagery. If we're going to talk about political correctness, let's ask why nobody calls that what it is. Or why actual white supremacists and neo-fascists (not going to link to them) somehow keep failing to realize that it's satire.


Automatically Appended Next Post:
Come to think of it, why do I play 40k? This game and its community online are awful.

Because you love the fluff and the models.

People actually do call out the Imperium. It's just that most of them get dismissed as 'communists', 'tau players' or, more commonly, both.

Anyway, there's Sayre's Law to consider;

"In any dispute the intensity of feeling is inversely proportional to the value of the issues at stake. That is why academic politics are so bitter."

My SO games, but she abhors 40k.

 Jewelfox wrote:

 Brennonjw wrote:
I won't touch the SM one since that always makes for long discussions of Established fluff vs. political correctness

Welp, I'd better go tell my friend back at the games store that his female spehss mureen scouts are all wrong, then.

My biologist partner thinks your Established Fluff is hilarious, BTW. It's like the misogynist icing on the neo-fascist white supremacist cake that is the Imperium's story and imagery. If we're going to talk about political correctness, let's ask why nobody calls that what it is. Or why actual white supremacists and neo-fascists (not going to link to them) somehow keep failing to realize that it's satire.


Automatically Appended Next Post:
Come to think of it, why do I play 40k? This game and its community online are awful.

I can't wait for my male sisters of battle army since we're embracing equality.



The Imperium of man is a crap place to live. The lore outright States it all the time, the only equality there is is that everyone is an equally expendable cog in the machine. Please, can we let this argument die? It's outright stated as overbearing, outdated, and evil.

Not every setting needs to be, or even should be, a shining example of equality. It makes for boring storytelling. Nobody's trying to hide that, anyone who's read the lore for 20 minutes could tell you that and it's easily found. It's not some evil GW conspiracy theory to keep women out of the hobby

Edit:and neo fascists and white supremacists embrace that darker side because they're morons. It's clearly meant to be shown in a bad light, but they embrace it because they're the idiots that would put in place to begin with.

Got her into warhammer fantasy, and she played a bit of dropzone commander, shortly before she removed my heart and placed it through a meatgrinder.

 MrMoustaffa wrote:

 Jewelfox wrote:

 Brennonjw wrote:
I won't touch the SM one since that always makes for long discussions of Established fluff vs. political correctness

Welp, I'd better go tell my friend back at the games store that his female spehss mureen scouts are all wrong, then.

My biologist partner thinks your Established Fluff is hilarious, BTW. It's like the misogynist icing on the neo-fascist white supremacist cake that is the Imperium's story and imagery. If we're going to talk about political correctness, let's ask why nobody calls that what it is. Or why actual white supremacists and neo-fascists (not going to link to them) somehow keep failing to realize that it's satire.


Automatically Appended Next Post:
Come to think of it, why do I play 40k? This game and its community online are awful.

I can't wait for my male sisters of battle army since we're embracing equality.

Spoiler:

please realize that is a joke, male sisters of battle models would be ridiculous

The Imperium of man is a crap place to live. The lore outright States it all the time, the only equality there is is that everyone is an equally expendable cog in the machine. Please, can we let this argument die? It's outright stated as overbearing, outdated, and evil.

Not every setting needs to be, or even should be, a shining example of equality. It makes for boring storytelling. Nobody's trying to hide that, anyone who's read the lore for 20 minutes could tell you that and it's easily found. It's not some evil GW conspiracy theory to keep women out of the hobby

Edit:and neo fascists and white supremacists embrace that darker side because they're morons. It's clearly meant to be shown in a bad light, but they embrace it because they're the idiots that would put in place to begin with.

I agree with this as well. As much as I empathize with women being treated poorly in the 40k community (any community) I also can't support the right to censor work or change it because it would fit the current political climate better. Not all works have to be shining examples and beacons. I play 40k but that does not mean I endorse anything in the setting. I play because of how gakky it is and how unique it is in being awful place to live in.

I love reading Conan the Barbarian, but if you look back at the original books from today's lens they are horrifically racist and sexist. Does this mean I can't still enjoy them for what they are and separate my political opinions of today form the work i I'm enjoying? Of course not. I would have serious problems with society if it turned out that people were so easily influenced all they needed to do was take in a single piece of media.

I feel alarmed I have to even explain to people its possible to entertain ideas and enjoy media that have different opinions than my own without having to share those same opinions.

 MrMoustaffa wrote:

The Imperium of man is a crap place to live. The lore outright States it all the time, the only equality there is is that everyone is an equally expendable cog in the machine. Please, can we let this argument die? It's outright stated as overbearing, outdated, and evil.

Not every setting needs to be, or even should be, a shining example of equality. It makes for boring storytelling. Nobody's trying to hide that, anyone who's read the lore for 20 minutes could tell you that and it's easily found. It's not some evil GW conspiracy theory to keep women out of the hobby

Edit:and neo fascists and white supremacists embrace that darker side because they're morons. It's clearly meant to be shown in a bad light, but they embrace it because they're the idiots that would put in place to begin with.

I don't see what any of that has to do with how women are treated when they try to enter the hobby, but since you brought it up, just because the setting hasn't historically had much in it to draw female gamers, doesn't mean it can't or shouldn't. The setting was written by male gamer nerds in the 80s, when female gamer nerds were a rare breed, so it's not surprising the 40K setting is such a boy's club. That was then. This is now. Even if one doesn't address the whole Space Marines-can-only-be-male thing, there is absolutely no reason not to have some prominent female IG Commanders, or make a half-decent mini for female Inquisitors (the current one is a stinker). Heck, why isn't there a female Eldar Farseer mini? The Farseers have been female in every single Dawn of War game.

Speaking of that particular sacred cow, the reason only men can be Space Marines in the 40K setting is a bunch of pseudo-technical gobbledygook the developers made up. There is absolutely no reason they couldn't make up some different pseudo-technical gobbledygook to justify why women can now be Space Marines. An ancient lab of the Emperor's could be rediscovered with the secrets for doing so. Or, GW could use the expunged legions, have them be all-female Space Marine legions - one loyalist, one Chaos - who took that technology with them when they disappeared, and brought it back when they reappeared.

And I call shenanigans on the idea that women are inherently less interested in wargaming than men are. That's the kind of thing we might have said about video games and tabletop RPGs, and look where we are now. I've got 4 female friends who actively play 40K - they just don't play at gaming stores. We have a private space in which they can play, so they haven't had to deal with the boys club behavior of male gamers who feel like their territory is being intruded upon.