Cats (the movie)

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**BobtheInquisitor**

Has anyone seen this? Is anyone planning to?

I had no plans to see this, but my wife and I ended up reading a dozen reviews, and it sounds....amazing. Reviews are calling this the worst film disaster in a generation. Cats might surpass Battlefield Earth and The a Room in the pantheon of terrible movies. We hope to see it later next week.

**Togusa**

BobtheInquisitor wrote:
Has anyone seen this? Is anyone planning to?

I had no plans to see this, but my wife and I ended up reading a dozen reviews, and it sounds....amazing. Reviews are calling this the worst film disaster in a generation. Cats might surpass Battlefield Earth and The a Room in the pantheon of terrible movies. We hope to see it later next week.

My friend saw it and said it's worse than Star Wars. It might just be the best worst thing ever. 6% on rotten tomatoes.

**AduroT**

The a Room

My phone’s not the only one that does that!

**SamusDrake**

After Team America, I for one refuse to watch it!

Being serious for moment, as an exercise in performing arts it looks okay. Not my thing but musicals are an aquired taste and I guess if one likes the stage plays of Cats then I suppose they would like this?

Some of the cast might not be to everyone's taste. James Corden is a decent host and funny but hes kind of sprung out of nowhere. Rebel Wilson is once again playing the tiresome big-fool, when perhaps she should have more confidence in herself and try more serious roles and make an effort not to be typecast.

I feel ashamed to say it, but Andrew Lloyd Webber muscials seem to attract...the "posh elite", and releasing this with Star Wars rampaging across the box office smells like a bit of arrogance. its hardly "battle of the box office".

Its hard to pass judgement on a film without seeing it, but its not the kind of movie I would be interested in seeing in the first place.

**LunarSol**

Likely released next to Star Wars to give it an excuse for its poor performance. Execs send movies out to die like this all the time.

**Mad Doc Grotsnik**

It’s got James Bloody Corden in it,

And Rebel Sodding Wilson.

So it’s a swift pass from me.

**Galef**

LunarSol wrote:
Likely released next to Star Wars to give it an excuse for its poor performance. Execs send movies out to die like this all the time.

True, but alternatively, studios also release "alternative choices" next to big box office event movies to cash in on those who have no interest in that particular big box office movie. But with Jumanji 2 seeming like an actually good choice, I doubt Cats will get much take.

Mad Doc Grotsnik wrote:
It’s got James Bloody Corden in it,

And Rebel Sodding Wilson.

So it’s a swift pass from me.

And Taylor Swift. I see what you did there!

-

**gorgon**

I won't pay theater prices to see it, but I'm fascinated to know how much of the negativity relates to the source material, and how much involves the movie itself. The director has an Oscar, IIRC. Did he botch it completely?

The Broadway show didn't exactly have a compelling story...it was based on a book of poems by T.S. Eliot and is accordingly a collection of songs barely held together by a thin plot. Cats was never my cup of tea, but the point of seeing it was to hear some music and watch the cast perform in cat costumes. In that context, it's hard to know they screwed up the film...?

**Elbows**

The shockingly negative reviews etc. make me want to see this...lol. I love me an occasional train wreck.

**Frazzled**

The musical blew chunks. Why would this be better?

**BobtheInquisitor**

Frazzled wrote:
The musical blew chunks. Why would this be better?

One reviewer (who disliked the stage musical) was shocked that the film found a way to be even worse.

Automatically Appended Next Post:

Elbows wrote:
The shockingly negative reviews etc. make me want to see this...lol. I love me an occasional train wreck.

Indeed! We want to get together with friends to see the wreckage. This could be an unforgettable experience.

**MDSW**

Boy is my son in for trouble... he is a Navy pilot and his call sign is "Cats"

He will be coming home for Xmas, so I will need to rib him a bit about it!

**Azreal13**

James Corden is a decent host and funny but hes kind of sprung out of nowhere

What, the same Corden who has won a Tony, first rose to fame starring in the History Boys, before writing and starring in Gavin and Stacey and even playing the lead in a couple of movies?

I'm not his greatest fan by any means, but him being in this isn't all that of a stretch.

**LunarSol**

MDSW wrote:
Boy is my son in for trouble... he is a Navy pilot and his call sign is "Cats"

He will be coming home for Xmas, so I will need to rib him a bit about it!

We need some clips of "Top Gun" with "Danger Zone" replaced with "Memory", right meow!

**Necros**

People coming out of Star Was be like, "I loved it. It was much better than Cats. I'm going to see it again and again."

**OrlandotheTechnicoloured**

I quite like the look they've got for the 'cats', and the poem's fun

but being as it's a musical (and apparently less good than rhe Lloyd webber effort) with dancing I don't think I could stand it

now use the special effects for an anime cat girl (or even cat boy) style SF thing and i'll grab a ticket

**gorgon**

Frazzled wrote:
The musical blew chunks. Why would this be better?

Right, but why would it be WORSE? It's getting reviews like this:

Once Tom Hooper's 110 minutes of Cats are over, theater is dead. And we unchosen ones are left, tragically, to continue living.

Which is of course some ridiculously melodramatic whiny writing. But it seems like this is getting much more hate than the stage show got from more highbrow critics that would be even more likely to condemn it. So it fascinates me as to how much went wrong(er).

**Sgt_Smudge**

As someone who wasn't exactly keen on the stage musical, I'm not going near this. Without changing the core reason I wasn't exactly keen on the original (an excuse for ballet practitioners to dress up in fursuits and sing songs without a cohesive plot or sense of narrative theme), it wouldn't be something I'd enjoy

**Galef**

I had very little interest in this before, but now I genuinely curious. I've probably rent it once it's out on video

But I anticipate my theater budget for the next few weeks will be tied up in multiple viewings of Rise of Skywalker

-

**Polonius**

I haven't seen it, and I don't really plan to. I saw a traveling production of the stage show when I was in middle school, and I think it slid into that gap between childlike wonder at dancing cats, and a more adult appreciate for choreography. In short, it's not much more than a trifle of a show, with a mostly undercooked songbook aside from the overture and memory (both of which are bangers).

To turn into a CGI extravaganza really does it a disservice, IMO. The plot is wafer thin, and the songs aren't good enough to justify it.

**Sgt_Smudge**

Polonius wrote:
I haven't seen it, and I don't really plan to. I saw a traveling production of the stage show when I was in middle school, and I think it slid into that gap between childlike wonder at dancing cats, and a more adult appreciate for choreography. In short, it's not much more than a trifle of a show, with a mostly undercooked songbook aside from the overture and memory (both of which are bangers).

To turn into a CGI extravaganza really does it a disservice, IMO. The plot is wafer thin, and the songs aren't good enough to justify it.

Exactly. It's far more of a "look at me, I'm a performer! I can do ballet and sing, all while dressed up as a cat!"

It's not to say that the performances are bad in stage shows (they're usually incredibly physically intensive!) but that instead of them being the flesh around the bones of a plot, they are the bones, and the "flesh" is the paper-thin story.

**SamusDrake**

Azreal13 wrote:
James Corden is a decent host and funny but hes kind of sprung out of nowhere

What, the same Corden who has won a Tony, first rose to fame starring in the History Boys, before writing and starring in Gavin and Stacey and even playing the lead in a couple of movies?

I'm not his greatest fan by any means, but him being in this isn't all that of a stretch.

Never heard of the "Tony", never watched The History boys nor Gavin and Stacey - save for flicking through the channels. I am struggling to remember the last film I've seen him in.

But hey, if he's got a resume then all the more power to him. Most I've seen of him is that american chat show of his.

**Easy E**

The director also did Les Miserables to screen.

I think the execs were hoping this would be this year's "The Greatest Showman" since it had a pretty well known director of Musicals attached to it.

Plus, it has Dame Judi Dench in it as well......

Edit: Wake me when "Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark" gets made into a movie.

**Ouze**

Cats is no Les Miserables.

**Tannhauser42**

Ouze wrote:
Cats is no Les Miserables.

Yeah, Cats is a spectacle of musical setpieces with a barely-there thread of a story to connect them. It is totally dependant on whether you like the music or not.

**Ahtman**

For movies I am interested in seeing I don't read reviews until after I've seen it, so of course I've already looked at reviews for this. I think my favorite review from a professional was "My eyes. Oh god my eyes."

**LordofHats**

Ahtman wrote:
For movies I am interested in seeing I don't read reviews until after I've seen it, so of course I've already looked at reviews for this. I think my favorite review from a professional was "My eyes. Oh god my eyes."

I like the review from the Guardian;

The filming of Cats is a difficult matter,
It isn’t just one of your holiday games,
Each actor involved here looks mad as a hatter,
When the trailer came out, we were CALLING THEM NAMES.
It began with Cat poems from old TS Eliot,
In the 80s, Lloyd Webber just put them on stage
That was frankly a bit of a gamble for Andrew, but
Coach-loads of punters made Cats all the rage.

Now Cats is on film, with many a lonely puss
Played by performers of A-lister class.
But the number of mammaries looks frankly erroneous
And tails that appear to emerge from each arse.
There are lots of big names here, names we see daily,
Names that supposedly give us a lift.
Nothing like Jonathan Pie or Bill Bailey,
But names like James Corden, and – yes – Taylor Swift.
The setting is London, it does look post-nuclear
There aren’t any people, so maybe there were
Bomb blasts – or maybe a bio disaster
Causing cat-human mutants with digital fur.
The twitching of ears on their heads is distracting

As they gaze at the greenscreen and sashay and crawl,
It’s weird to behold them all gurning and acting,
And why do so many resemble Darth Maul?
Did director Tom Hooper intend this appearance?
Did it make him feel happy – or cause him some stress?
We have to assume that he gave it his clearance
But THE MAN HIMSELF KNOWS and will never confess.
These are the Jellicle felines of legend,
All elbows and shoulders and undulant arms.
Each male in the cast looks a bit of a bellend,
And those bizarre whiskers don’t add to their charms.
The Jellicles welcome Victoria: a new cat,
Francesca Hayward’s the thesp with this role,
She’s sleek, unlike Corden – well known for TV chat
But it’s his size that reveals that he’s meant to be droll.
And then Idris Elba comes on as McCavity,
(A boomy-voiced villain in anyone’s book)
There’s a prominent gap in his penis locality.
I honestly didn’t … well … know where to look.
As Grizabella, Jennifer Hudson will sniffle
Singing Memory, this movie’s moment of truth.

But it’s warbling warbling warbling piffle
From a bag lady drama-queen obsessed with lost youth.
The Jellicles’ leader is Old Deuteronomy
Judi Dench has this part, looking very bemused.
What’s with that extra big fur coat? You’ve got me.
She looks bewildered and (like us) confused.
Obviously, Ian McKellen is in it,
And he’s got a tatty old topcoat as well.
The other cats’ nude state is clearly permitted.
But why? That is something that no cat will tell.
There’s another cat in it, by name Mungojerrie,
Not the 70s pop group who once raised a cheer,
With their Summertime chart hit that really was very
Much better, more catchy, than anything here.

Ray Winstone’s the creepiest cat in this feature
His Growltiger sends a sharp chill down your spine
With his hissing he looks like he’s having a seizure,
It’s scary – like adverts for betting online.
When you notice these cats in profound meditation
With a digitally created frown on their brow
Their minds are engaged in a rapt contemplation
Of the thought, of the thought, of what on earth to do now.
“Pretend to be cats!” says a director. They reply …
“Me? How?”

Yes. It's a parody of a poem by T.S. Eliot apparently, and I suspect the reviewer had a lot more fun writing the review than watching the film XD

**Voss**

gorgon wrote:

Which is of course some ridiculously melodramatic whiny writing. But it seems like this is getting much more hate than the stage show got from more highbrow critics that would be even more likely to condemn it. So it fascinates me as to how much went wrong(er).

Uncanny Valley strikes. As does the legacy of several decades of manga cat girls 'erotica'.

While the combination has a market segment that will enthusiastically make fetish fuel out of it, its going to make a lot of people publicly squick and squirm, especially if they already have and want to keep a job writing about mainstream media.

**BobtheInquisitor**

Necros wrote:
People coming out of Star Was be like, "I loved it. It was much better than Cats. I'm going to see it again and again."

Since no one else said anything, I wanted to let you know someone got your reference. It was my wife, Morgan Fairchild.

**AduroT**

Hah! They’re sending out a new version of the movie to theaters with improved cgi effects!