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Well folks, I've not been having a particularly great time recently. Nothing too major in itself, but lots, and lots of small things that have been weighing me down and just refuse to go.

I think part of it comes from isolation. I'm part of a pretty close knit Family, and apart from my Grandads Half-Brother and his lot, who I barely know and live 300 miles away, I'm the last member of the Family still living in the South East of England, my Parents having moved back to Scotland about two years ago now.

And I am starting to wonder if I did the right thing staying down here. The past three or four months have sucked quite heavily, and I am really missing my family, or at least, being able to turn to them. And so my thoughts naturally have turned to contemplating a move across the Border to live with my folks again. Bit sad at the age of 28 to shack with the Parents again, but thats what it would mean.

Only trouble is, they live in the Borders. Whilst I do not doubt I could get a job in the area (never been much of a problem for me before, finding employment) the disparragy in Wages means it will be extremely unlikely that a return to Kent would be possible. I'd have to find somewhere to live, which isn't cheap in the South East, AND a job to facilitate such a move before flitting again. Whilst doable, this isn't terribly realistic.

So what do I do? Not sure why I am asking you guys. Not that I don't value your opinions, it's just I don't normally do this sort of thing...

It depends what you want to do with your life?

I myself work in one city with family in two. Its difficult.

That's tough. My family is about 1600-2000 miles north of me right now. I live in South Florida, they in the Northeast of the US- Mass., Conn, New Hampshire. It's rough, but I made the choice to move down here. It's been a long series of bumps for me, the latest of which makes me a statistic for the housing market, if you follow, and hard financials. I have my wife and 11 month old daughter, but would move back home in a hearbeat if I could. I don't necessarily like the area, but, it's family.

I don't know what to say to you, but to try to live it out. Make the best of it with friends, visit the family when time allows. I wish mine were 300 miles; that's a day trip.

I don't think leaving where you are is giving up- quite the opposite. Ultimately, the decision lies with you.

Good luck.

Blood

I'm taking a fortnight off in January (when my next lot of Hols kick in) to go and think up there.

Trouble is, the view from my Parents house is breathtaking, and just seeing the hills and glens on telly makes me pine for it even more.

:(

"Home is where the heart is."

Yes. It's terribly cliche... but it is true.
Where is your heart? That is where you should be.

I lived with my parents when my dad was transferred and we moved 850 miles away from home.
While there, I met my wife and had a kid. A number of years later, my dad took early retirement and moved back "home." that left me alone with my wife and kids and in-laws )NOT a close-knit family, like mine).

I spent a few years there like that but, eventually, I couldn't take it anymore and we moved back here.

It is a decision I'll never regret. Ever.


Eric

I know your pain. My family is in Japan, 8,000 miles away and I need to get a job there.

Do you own property in Kent now?

If so it may be possible to sell at a profit, wait a year or two and buy much more cheaply in the north. At least you would have a nest egg or deposit in case you ever wanted to move south again.

Remember if you are valuable to a potential employer they will pay your relocation costs.

Well firstly.. chin up fella !

Few things to consider ;

Firstly would your parents actually be cool with you moving back in ? In 2 years they're likely to have made a few changes themselves and you might be a bit of a square peg in a round whole possibly. I'm not saying they'll have started swinging/similar I hasten to add but .. yeah.. you are 28, they've done their part, time for them to have some fun.

Secondly, a few crappy months out of two years ain't all that now is it really ? Especially a couple of crappy months in the midst of an economic crisis that does affect us all, even if only with regards to the lives and states of our immediate social circle.


And your family are always just a phone call away right ?

That said there's nothing wrong with at least looking into the situation, might be entirely practical and it'll all fall into place. Or there might be NO work up there at all and you might not be able to do it at all.

28 at home in extremis is cool. 30+ at home with no job in the middle of nowhere is less amusing.

I would imagine I hasten to add.

Kind of hard to say for me, I left home at 18 when I went to uni and with the exception of the odd week during uni holidays to help run the business I've never been back at all. Amazingly now we don't live together we all get on very well, absence and the heart and all that.

Best advice would be this : whatever you do, don't burn any bridges.

Examine what parts of your current location make you happy. See what parts of your life are tied to your current location. See what holes would be left unfilled if you were to head north of the border.

I suspect there is no good, easy answer to your dillema. Either way, there will be something you miss/pine for. This is but a step away from regret. Once you make your call, stick with it, and realize that you made the best decision you culd at the time. But it needs to be a decision, not just you thinking every so often "Corr, wouldn't it be swell to live back in bonnie aul Scotland again?" You'll eat yourself up doing that. You will NEED to make it a decision, and you need ot have it straight in your mind as to why you made that choice. That way, when you question yourself, you will know why you made tht decision. That will help.

IMO, rather than being upset, do something. Figure out what you really want, and then just go from there to make a decision.

Once you've decided what you want, it makes it a lot easier to get it.

That said, you probably want to be closer to family, rather than actually living with them.

Mad Doc....sorry to hear about your being homesick. My first assigment was down near Bedford, UK when I had just truned 18. I had lived there before about ten year prior and I had grown up in a military family (lots and lots of moving) but after about 6 months I got really homesick for Texas. So I saved up money and finally got to go home for about three weeks. The first few days were great but then it dawned on me that I had moved out because I wanted to set my own path.

Fast forward a few years..I'm back in Texas and just going through a divorce. My Mom and Dad lived a few blocks away from my apartment and gladly invited me to come home (their home mind you bought with my college money...but I digress). So I moved back in with my folks at the age of 27. It was the best thing I could have done. I ended up reassessing my curent life plan and after a few months moved back into my own place and felt refreshed and ready to press on with life.

I know it's slightly difffrent from your situation but I do feel your pain. I have had plenty of my troops come to me (both when I was enlisted and after I got my comission) with your same issues. I look at it this way....My folks life about 1500 miles away...my in-laws about 900 (still too close really )...my cousins are in Texas, Georgia, Colorado and a huge chink of my family live in Okinawa. There isn't a week that goes by that my wife and I both want to be near family (my dream is to retire to a nice big ranch back home in Texas) but when it comes down to it I have to weigh the pros/cons to make that decision. Right now Uncle Sam makes the choice for me on where I live but in a few months I can try to get stationed back home and then retire.

I guess through all this rambling the point I'm trying to make is go where your heart tells you to go. Life will take care of itself...but sometimes you need to take care of your piece of mind. Hope that helps a little.

Cheers

AoS