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Been mulling over my Space Marine army for almost seven years now (got my first C:SM three weeks before the 4th ed version came out), and I'm now beginning to put paint to plastic...

Anyway, I've come up with a spot of fluff for it, and was looking for feedback, both for "factual" content, and general stylistic issues.

Ivory Skulls Chapter of the Adeptus Astartes

During the 26th founding of 738M41, the High Lords of Terra decreed that the gene seeds of the Silver Skulls were to be enervated and a small cadre of junior officers, veterans, and other staff from the Silver Skulls form the core of a new chapter of the Adeptus Astartes. Provided with a battle barge, two heavy transports and the core of an armory, the fledgling chapter made their way to the Demeter system, where a new fortress monastery was begun on Demeter IV, an agri-world that was lost during the Age of Strife, and had reverted to a feral state.

Only veterans of exceptional virture and skill are allowed to actually wear ivory helms. Other brother warriors wear the deep red helms

Edit:[ Added rationale and more appropriate genesis paragraphs ]
Edit:[ Expunged cliches and overused plot devices ]

So why did this all happen?

I'm gonna direct you to this as a good guide to writing your own DIY chapters:
http://www.bolterandchainsword.com/index.php?showtopic=132379

Fair enough... Rationale forthcoming.

Edited the story for (hopefully) better rationale and more consistent genesis story.

kcummins wrote:During the 26th founding of 738M41, the gene seeds of the Silver Skulls were blessed by the Adeptus Mechanicus and a small cadre of junior officers, veterans, and other staff were instructed by the High Lords of Terra to found a new chapter of the Adeptus Astartes.

The High Lords of Terra and the AdMech would found the Chapter, the Silver Skull vets would train it.

kcummins wrote:Herein is the story of how the chapter was named, and why they have been fighting an uphill battle for survival since their inception.

kcummins wrote:This is their story...

Cheesy lines.

kcummins wrote:Arriving on Demeter IV, Feroux immediately began construction of a fortress monastery and the building of his new chapter, now known as the Ivory Skulls.

The Silver Skull vets and trainers would not get to name the Chapter, that privilege goes to the Chapter Master.

kcummins wrote:During the years of building, it was discovered that Lieutenant Corvais of the assault training cadre had turned traitor and was responsible for the attack, collecting the skulls of loyalist marines to please one of the vile Chaos gods.

How was this discovered?

My overall thoughts:
While it is interesting you're trying to come up with your own Chapter history, this screams to me, been done before. Hunting your own Chapter's traitors? I think the Dark Angels have that one covered. I'm not trying to be snide or dickish, but if you want something original, you need to work for it, and this smacks of been there, done that.

The 40k Lexicanum is an invaluable source of information if you don't wanna go through a read every little bit of 40k fluff (which can be found here: http://wh40k.lexicanum.com/wiki/Main_Page)

I don't want to discourage your ideas, I'm trying to encourage you to do better.

No worries... I know I'm new to writing, and only passingly familiar with the 40k fluff. I appreciate your candor and criticisms, and I hope that they will help me create a better background for my chapter.

In response to one of your comments, does the naming go to the progenitor's chapter master, or the new chapter master? If the latter, note that the selected chapter master was murdered, leaving Capt. Corvais as the chapter master...

edit for spleling...

Hmmm... Cut out the maggoty, old cliches and weak plot devices. Seems... Well... Pretty vanilla. But then, maybe that's for the best right now. As they do battle, I'm sure I'll find ways to fold those battles into their fluff.

I've just uploaded some photos of my (in progress) forces. You can find them in my gallery.

Good luck.