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Hello! I recently decided to write some 40k fan fiction. and decided it would be an epic bout between imperial fists and slaanesh. So I thought i'd post it up here so that it can get some constructive criticism and maybe some people may enjoy it!
so here it is !

The Imperial Dusk

Chapter One
The sun’s dying rays kissed the fields of Barley goodnight as the people of Mordoso VII retired to their homes. Soon the night washed over the planet and the darkness played host to the brays and squeaks of the nightlife. The animal’s lullaby sang to the men of Mordoso VII, sweeping them into the blissful embrace of sleep, as it had for centuries. The land of Mordoso VII was unscathed by war, the dangers of the galaxy only passing stories to the people who inhabited it’s grassy plains. Life on Mordoso VII was good, a simple honest planet sheltered inexplicitly within a cold uncaring universe.
That such a planet had continued to exist in a time like the grim future was astounding. The galaxy was not a forgiving place, Xenos, Heretics and other vile scum all had the audacity to walk unashamed and unflinching in the face of the God Emperor, and anyone of them would revel in slaughtering the naïve townsfolk of Mordoso VII. That such a fate had not befallen them was surely the will of the Emperor, however his will was failing, and the darkness was closing in around Humanity. The innocence of Mordoso VII was about to become defiled, its people would feel the full force of one of the most terrifying foes that had ever existed.
Slaanesh’s gaze had settled on Mordoso VII.

~~~

The Imperial Fists Strike Cruiser, Imperial Dusk glided through the eldritch miasma of the warp, returning home to Phalanx after a successful foray with Orks of a nearby system. Not all of the Imperial Fists had come back in one piece however. Sergeant Aloysius had lost his arm during combat, though he had not fallen back even with this grievous wound. Such an action would be insufferable to a Son of Dorn.
No, when a Power Klaw had sliced his arm from him, Aloysius had hardly even winced, instead driving his Power Fist into the Nob with vengeful relish. Only once all of the Orks had perished did Aloysius allow himself to be extracted back to the Imperial Dusk. Even now the shame of having being unable to lead his squad during the glorious assault on the Orkish stronghold stung him. However Dorn had blessed him and his new bionic arm was operating at near optimal efficiency. A few more days training and he would be ready to fight once again.

~~~

The dawn greeted the city folk with its usual shining disposition, and the day seemed to the people of Morderhem to be no different to any other, but beyond the horizon the planet was already burning, the Violators had made planet fall in the night and were blissfully ravishing the countryside, hunting the populace and forcing them to endure the most depraved tortures imaginable. At noon the Violators arrived outside Morderhem, the Capital of Mordoso VII, and the only fortified place upon the planet, though its fortifications had fallen into disrepair and its soldiers complacent. By the time the lazy sentries had spotted the Demonic Land Raider it was too late. The guard fired everything they had at the approaching Land Raider, Krak missiles impacted onto its hull, yet for all the resolve of the Guardsmen no damage was inflicted.
The land raider returned fire, heavy bolter’s slicing guardsmen from the wall, forcing the rest to take cover. With the Guardsmen pinned the Chaos marines disembarked, and moved towards the gatehouse, shouting the violations they would make the Guardsmen suffer once they had breached the gate. The leader of the band was a hulk of a man, with a face pulled into a permanent grimace. He was a veteran who had violated countless worlds and delighted in the destruction of innocence, he shivered uncontrollably thinking about the delectable pleasures he would experience soon. He and another marine placed the krak grenades upon the doors bolts and stood back, the door exploded and the marines smiled in pleasure, the sound of destruction beautiful to their ears.
As the smoke settled the guardsmen peered through the broken barrier, and then the marines assaulted, penetrating deep into the innocence of Morderhem. Las-fire singed the air but the bulwark of the Chaos Marines armour was impenetrable. The Guard were massacred and as the marines slaughtered they screamed their devotion to Slaanesh.
From his palace the Planetary Governor saw his city being raped, violated and brought to its knees. It was only a matter of time until he was discovered, the Imperium must be alerted, and hopefully help would arrive before everyone was dead. He finished sending the message just in time, his office door burst open, a bloodied clerk having been flung through by super humans strength. A grinning giant entered, his mouth awash with blood and tears of joy in his eye.
“Have you called for help, whelp?” it enquired
“I would choose your words carefully, Heretic. I’m reserved to the fact that I will die. You scare me no longer. But you should know I have sent the distress signal. Soon you will beg for mercy before the will of the Emperor. ” Said the defiant Planetary Governor.
“You think the acceptance of your death makes you safe? Do you have a wife? Your eyes tell me you do. You do not die yet, my foolish friend. First we find her, and then I shall make her scream in ways you never knew possible” sneered the madman as he picked up the shaking Governor.
“She will feel pleasure only the Dark Prince can provide, and when her eyes are wide with love for my Lord, I shall have her kill you. I will bend her will to his… Now, does that scare you?”
And with that he dragged the tearful Governor from his office.

I should have the second chapter finished soon. tell me what you think of the first chapter though guys!

and heres the second chapter

Chapter Two

A slight shudder indicated that the ship had changed course. Curious, Aloysius left the apothecarium and headed for the grav-lift. As it took him to the bridge he stretched his bionic arm’s fingers, marvelling on how natural it moved. The arm had originally belonged to a sergeant who had died with Rogal Dorn aboard the Sword of Sacrilege. The idea that such a relic was entrusted to him had swelled Aloysius with pride. The grav-lift slowed to a halt and the door slid open, on the bridge Chapter serfs in silken yellow robes were busying themselves, with the 1st company Captain Lysander sat watching the screen in front of them.
Below them hanging in the abyss was Mordoso VII, great billows of smoke betrayed the locations of Chaos. The burning cities had become beacons, highlighting targets for the Imperial Fists. The Captain turned to Aloysius and soon the situation was explained.
“But why would they bother with such a backwater world, sir?” enquired Aloysius, shocked by the resources the Violators had committed to this one world. Nearly every city on the planet had been hit within a few hours, for a feat such as that there must be near a hundred or so Chaos Marines Planet side, concluded Aloysius.
“Don’t know. Who knows? Its chaos, predicting them is like predicting the clouds. Not that it matters. We launch in ten, prepare your squad.”
As Lysander gave his order Aloysius smiled, he longed to be back on the battlefield, and now he knew he was going to be the Imperium’s most hated foes? His body tingled with anticipation. Soon he and his squad were in full battle gear riding a thunderhawk transport towards Morderhem. The thunderhawk banked to the right and as the curve of the flight brought the left side of the ship higher Aloysius could see the drop pods entering the atmosphere. Within an instant a mechanical scream caught up with the drop pods and they slammed into the city below.

Two minutes later and Aloysius knew it was time. Calling his nine men together he opened the hatch and one by one they leapt. The sensation of freefall had always brought a sickening feeling to Aloysius, and that is why, in true Imperial Fist tradition, he had chosen to become part of a Vanguard squad upon his promotion to the first company. As each of his brothers activated their jump packs to slow their descent they sped upwards past Aloysius. He always pushed the boundaries of pain and discomfort as close as possible, and only when he was at the minimum distance required for a safe landing did he activate his jump pack. Slamming down onto the ground his reckless free fall’s momentum drove him to one knee. As he stood up he scanned the scene. A group of tactical marines were pinned down behind their drop pod, with twice as many traitors firing upon them from the roof of an apartment complex. As soon as the rest of his squad had hit ground he had launched again, his jump pack bringing him in a crescent arc on top of the traitors.
He landed feet first on top of a screaming traitor, crushing his opponent beneath his weight; springing from his landing he thrust his relic blade just below the ribs of another enemy, disembowelling him. The traitor died with a look of serenity on his face having evidently enjoyed the pain Aloysius had inflicted upon him. As the Chaos Space marines turned to look at the reckless individual who had landed in their midst the rest of Aloysius Squad landed. Power weapons sliced through armour and flesh alike as his squad brought the emperors vengeance on the traitors. As his Squad slaughtered the enemy Aloysius couldn’t help but feel pride in his heart. These men were his. Some like Frederick had been with him since the scout company, whilst others like Carvel and Tovd were almost new acquaintances. Yet the gene seed that had created them bound them all.
A swipe from his relic blade sent a spray of arterial blood into the air and the last traitor fell. The relieved tactical squad began to move down a rubble-laden street checking for survivors whilst Aloysius and his vanguard jumped from roof to roof keeping a watchful eye upon their brothers below. A feral scream alterted Aloysius to a threat and turning in the direction it emanated from he saw a pack of Demonettes charging towards the Tactical Squad. As the tactical Squad took up cover and fired bolter rounds into the advancing horde the vanguard squad dropped from the roof, and landed unannounced amongst the Demonettes.
This surprise attack took the pack unawares and the visceral combat was short lived, as purple ichor splattered across his yellow armour Aloysius shouted praise to Primarch Dorn and his battle brothers responded in cheer. The celebration was short lived, as Aloysius soon noticed that more packs were approaching. A lot more, and they were not going to be taken unawares.

The tactical squad took up positions and started firing rounds into the screaming mass, and bringing their heavy bolter to bear they tore great swathes of the Demonettes to pieces, yet the swarm was unyielding and it was getting closer at inhuman speed. The Demonettes smashed into the Imperial Fists line, but the Sons of Dorn refused to buckle. The bloody combat drew on and even though each marine fought like gods amongst men it was evident that the Fists were hopelessly outnumbered. Aloysius sliced backhanded, cutting through two demonettes who were so close to each other they were almost entwined. Suddenly a third demonette leapt onto his back and started tearing at his helmet trying to find a way through he space marines sturdy armour. Keeping his cool Aloysius drew his plasma pistol and fired just over his head and sure enough he smelt the sickly smell of burning demon. He flung the limp body into a group of demonettes, their slight flinch buying him the time he needed. Firing three shots into them he took a step back and foundhimself back to back with his vanguard squad.
The Tactical Squad was not faring so well, their number was almost half and their bolters reduced to advanced clubs in the whirling melee of close combat. Out of the corner of his eye Aloysius saw a sixth marine go down under the talons from a myriad of Demonettes and he realised that this was probably his last stand. He muttered a last prayer to the Emperor and charged, firing his pistol as he went. His brothers followed suite and it was just before they slammed back into the Demonette line that technology failed Aloysius. His overworked Plasma Pistol’s machine spirit screamed for rest and Aloysius pushed it slightly to far. The Plasma chamber exploded and the heat from a burning sun engulfed Aloysius, and the world turned white.

Imperial fisting vs slaanesh...

Great. Keep writing it's good.=-)

hehe, thanks. im going to have Chapter 3 up tomorrow sometime. or possibly late tonight.

I was wondering if having Lysander in my story was a good idea, but with the main character being a Vangaurd Sarge I knew he'd come into his Captain at some point.

Wow, very good stuff dude!

Chapter Three

As his wife advanced slowly towards him the Governor hung to naked to the cross, he bit back tears as he tried to suppress the image he had just seen. The things they had done to his wife would turn a mans hair white, yet her screams and groans of ecstasy has soon become entwined, her hair had stood on end as purple energies crackled down her body and he’d seen a malicious gleam enter her eye, a look once alien to her face. The psychic power had lifted her into the air and enveloped her in the screams of her dying children, and when she landed she was no longer his wife.
Her hair had turned to deepest purple and her hands were writhing, as bone grew and reshaped beneath her skin. Her figure had become curvier and lithe, and she walked naked with an ease that disturbed the Governor, his wife had always been rather conservative and he could tell in the way she walked she was not herself. Then he saw it, the inhuman look in her eye, she was no longer human, she had given in to Slaanesh and now her body was housing a demon, her soul being violated for all eternity within the Palace of Excess.
It was then that her talons appeared, ripping through her arms with a sickening crack that she revelled in. As she touched him he finally broke, gibbering madly as she kissed him, then she bit, tearing flesh and drinking his blood. Making sure he didn’t die slow, she did not want to deny her old love the pleasure of death.
After an excruciating hour the Governor had been stripped of all he held dear, his pride, his wife and finally his body, his own soul being held from the immortal Emperors side by the warp. Then it too engulfed him and he realised he was destined to also be Slaanesh’s plaything. He screamed for mercy, but he would fine none in the Dark lord.

~~~

Aloysius blinked. His head was ringing and his eyes ached, dots of light burned across his retina. How he had survived he did not know but as the world around him moved he saw demonettes exploding under chemical yellow sprays. His Squad had formed a perimeter around his body, and were holding countless Demonettes at bay. Yet the Demonettes numbers were thinning, even in his half blind state he could see this. As his super human physique brought his sight back to normal he clambered to his feet. And he looked down at his arm and was startled to see it was still intact. His bionic arms paintwork had melted away yet the blue steel underneath was intact. It truly was an artefact to have survived a plasma explosion.
It was then that he saw why Demonettes had not overwhelmed them and he cringed. Sternguard! Sternguard had saved them! Rapid firing hellfire rounds from the roof the Sternguard were killing at a rate that Aloysius knew he would be sore pressed to match.
“Oi.” He called out over his squad Vox-link “Are we going to be beat by bloody Sternguard? Get back into the fight”
As his squad stood dumbfounded that their Sergeant had survived a plasma explosion Aloysius jumped into the air. They followed as quickly as they could and the Squad landed straight in the heart of the Demonette Mass. The Demonettes now found themselves fighting to survive, stuck between the hammer and the anvil.
Slashing with strength aided by adrenalin and pride Aloysius cut swathes through the Demonettes. Not one could bring its talons to bear against his fury and his squad inspired kept up with his grand pace. That battle was a one to make Rogal Dorn proud, the Sternguard and Vanguard, were brothers and yet they were also rivals. That competition drove each to new heights and as bolter rounds ripped through the dwindling horde and power blade sliced through warped flesh the Demonettes realised the balance had turned against them. Screaming in their avian like tones the Demonettes turned to run. And their inhuman speed soon brought them out of the reaches of the Vanguard.
“I’m not letting the Sternguard beat us just because the enemy are running away!” called Aloysius as retreating Demonettes fell under the withering hellfire rounds. “After them!”
As their jump packs brought the Vanguard over the horde and towards the end of the street the Demonettes found themselves boxed in. Vanguard blocked the only way out and the Sternguard were firing from above. As the forward Demonettes tried to halt those behind pushed them forward, oblivious to the trap. The Demonettes screamed as they were forced into the Vanguards reach and by then it was to late. Their violet blood squirted into the air and those behind tried to turn back only to be blown apart by kraken rounds. Soon the horde was no more annihilated by blade and bolt.
Aloysius returned to check on the tactical squad, six were dead and the rest wounded. It was evident that the entire squad would need to be extracted. The Vanguard and Sternguard helped carry those dead or unable to move to the roof, and as the thunderhawk closed in lone figure watched from a nearby cathedral.
The Violator Sergeant smiled, he loved to warp and defile those most pure. Warping that whelp’s wife had been easy; the real target of his focus was a much grander target. To make a Space Marine fall would be a much more delicious victory. He licked his lips with anticipation, now he had a target the fun could begin. Yes, pride was a dangerous thing, and it was one of the many excesses the Dark Prince loved.

This looks like fun. Do continue.

Fourth Chapter will be up tonight or tomorrow morning!