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Made in gb
[SWAP SHOP MOD]
Killer Klaivex







So. Girlfriend's father has just received his official diagnosis of dementia. Seen it coming for a long time, but still. He's no longer allowed to drive and they're recommending her and her mother take out an LPA. Their family is quite small (i.e., not really anybody else but me), her mother disabled, and I've been with her for a good six years, so this is likely to end up my problem to an extent. Anyone who's dealt with it have any general advice?

This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2017/12/08 15:08:45



 
   
Made in gb
Ridin' on a Snotling Pump Wagon






Seek professional assistance.

Both my Grandads developed it. I was insulated to a large degree, as I live 500 miles from the rest of the family.

But I'll hit up Mumsy, see if she's got any pointers.

   
Made in es
Grim Dark Angels Interrogator-Chaplain




Vigo. Spain.

My grandmother had Alzheimer, is not dementia but close enough.

The worst thing was when she wake up in the middle of the night, forgetting where she was or who we where, and triet to scape, yelling at us with a cooking knive in his hand, because she was totally scared, thinking we had kidnapped her.

It will destroy your family if this drags long enough. I recommend the same as Mad Doc Grotsnik. It is sad, but the best you can do is seek professional assistance, a good residence where they have competent people working for the people at they care (Theres a lot of shady and scummy elderly residences, avoid those).
You can visit them regularly, but the last years of his life it will be more for you than for him ,because probably he will not even know who you are. At least that was how it was with the Alzheimer of my Grandmother.

This message was edited 2 times. Last update was at 2017/12/08 15:46:03


 Crimson Devil wrote:

Dakka does have White Knights and is also rather infamous for it's Black Knights. A new edition brings out the passionate and not all of them are good at expressing themselves in written form. There have been plenty of hysterical responses from both sides so far. So we descend into pointless bickering with neither side listening to each other. So posting here becomes more masturbation than conversation.

ERJAK wrote:
Forcing a 40k player to keep playing 7th is basically a hate crime.

 
   
Made in us
Proud Triarch Praetorian





 Ketara wrote:
So. Girlfriend's father has just received his official diagnosis of dementia. Seen it coming for a long time, but still. He's no longer allowed to drive and they're recommending her and her mother take out an LPA. Their family is quite small (i.e., not really anybody else but me), her mother disabled, and I've been with her for a good six years, so this is likely to end up my problem to an extent. Anyone who's dealt with it have any general advice?


I work in long term care, this is my bread and butter.

Professional help is great advice. If you try to do this alone, your stress levels will go up about a 1000x. Now, professional help doesn't always mean nursing home. Now here in the states we have some things that help a lot,not sure about over there but you may look in to them. Home health, were you have somebody come in daily and cook/clean for them. Adult daycare, where they would be able to go out and have some activities daily with professional guidance. Distractions are good.

If you are doin this at home you will want to develop a good routine. Wakeup to sleep, you want to keep it as close as you can day to day. Get your meals timed about the same ever day, it does really help. Don't ask if they remember something, odds are they don't and it can really frustrate a person. If they don't remember you, don't get upset, it is the disease, not them. They more upset you get, the more upset they get. Sundowner's is a motherfether, so be prepare for it. Basically when the sun goes down, they can start to become far more confused than normal. They could do fine all day, then this hits and everything goes south quick.

Pay attention to their hygiene. A lot of times they forget how to do things like brush their teeth so they just stop. This is no good. My washing properly can lead to a Urinary Tract Infection which is going to ramp the confusion up to a 12. Do not be scared to consult a physician if something seems off. Dimentia will cause them to react differently to stimuli. The best person to determine this is their day to day caregiver. Include them in daily activities like folding laundry. This helps with exercise by providing good range of motion movements.

Just woke up so I might be forgetting some things. If I think of anything I'll pop back in and add to it.

Edit: Typed this on a tablet, too many errors to fix!

This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2017/12/08 18:02:11


 
   
Made in ca
Longtime Dakkanaut





 Galas wrote:
My grandmother had Alzheimer, is not dementia but close enough.

The worst thing was when she wake up in the middle of the night, forgetting where she was or who we where, and triet to scape, yelling at us with a cooking knive in his hand, because she was totally scared, thinking we had kidnapped her.

It will destroy your family if this drags long enough. I recommend the same as Mad Doc Grotsnik. It is sad, but the best you can do is seek professional assistance, a good residence where they have competent people working for the people at they care (Theres a lot of shady and scummy elderly residences, avoid those).
You can visit them regularly, but the last years of his life it will be more for you than for him ,because probably he will not even know who you are. At least that was how it was with the Alzheimer of my Grandmother.
mmm just because they do not know who you are does not mean their life is worthless and not enjoyable..... thats kinda ignorant of everything that goes along with the disease.

Also 1/5 elderly are diagnosed with a form of dementia by the age of 65 so it is not that bad. There are tons of stages and such so to say throw them in a home is also dumb and brings nothing to a conversation. Most people with dementia can function perfectly well as long as someone checks in on them regularly. My sister is someone who does that, she goes and visits this one family for 3 hours a day to make sure their ate took their meds and that type of thing.

If it comes down to it there are many full time "retirement" homes for elderly to live in where they get checked in on regularly. If the doctor who diagnosed him didnt try and recommend a home chances are he is still fairly ok but may need one soon.

Also anyone who says the last few years of their life are for you not for them are just ....... not right at all. As someone whos family takes care of them in several different fashions they live very happy lives in a "good" retirement home". Just most people cant be bother with them, it was ok to take their money but not for them to take yours.

I need to go to work every day.
Millions of people on welfare depend on me. 
   
Made in us
[DCM]
-






-

 Ketara wrote:
So. Girlfriend's father has just received his official diagnosis of dementia. Seen it coming for a long time, but still. He's no longer allowed to drive and they're recommending her and her mother take out an LPA. Their family is quite small (i.e., not really anybody else but me), her mother disabled, and I've been with her for a good six years, so this is likely to end up my problem to an extent. Anyone who's dealt with it have any general advice?


Same here - Mother-in-Law (79) is going downhill rather fast.

As noted earlier - Getting professional advice/help is a must!

   
Made in gb
[SWAP SHOP MOD]
Killer Klaivex







To break it down with a bit more detail:-

-She lives with them, and we don't live together. We were planning on moving in together at some point next year in a different house to them, but we'll see how that goes.

-He's not entirely home, but he's not permanently out at the shops either. His short term memory has deteriorated considerably over the last two years; to the point whereby he'll start watching a film and forgotten what the start was about by the end, or tell you the same story half an hour later because he forgot he told you already. But you can still talk to him sensibly, he still recognises you, and he can still move about and make himself a cup of tea or some toast.

-He has certain anxieties which build up and he has difficulty expressing. He got put on medication a few years ago, but he insists on drinking lager every night, which more or less nullifies the effect or just generally forgets. He consequently falls apart at any kind of pressure (I've seen him cry because he couldn't clear a pipe right), which isn't great given he's a landlord for two properties here in London. It also makes him anxious when he's left alone, but exceedingly reluctant to leave the house, or engage in any activity/work but watching telly (bit like a teenager I guess?)

- I do plan on shopping around to see what professionadvice and help is out there; great as Dakka is, I know that it's not the most appropriate place for that sort of thing! I just thought that enough of Dakka is aged 30+ that there might be some of you out there who'd dealt with it first hand that had some obvious tips and pointers with regards to who to contact, good coping/distraction strategies, etc.

This message was edited 3 times. Last update was at 2017/12/08 16:53:52



 
   
Made in us
Legendary Master of the Chapter





SoCal

I was the daytime caretaker for my grandmother for a year before we finally all agreed that she needed full time professional assistance that we couldn't provide. The stress and heartache were just beyond explanation. the burden is so great that it can harm the caretaker and all of his other family relationships.

   
Made in gb
Frenzied Berserker Terminator




Southampton, UK

My Granddad suffered from vascular dementia for several years before he died. He was very elderly (96 when he died) and was also chair-bound. Mum (an only child) cared for him in his house, with the assistance of carers who came in 3 times a day. It broke her. :(

Take all the help you can get. Sort out the legal side of things pronto - will, power of attorney, finances in good order etc. while he still has his faculties. (My wife's grandmother also went through dementia; she was obsessed with privacy, kept shredding documents and they had no idea what she had in terms of bank accounts, utility providers etc - was a bloody nightmare)

Finally really try not to get frustrated or angry with them. They can't help it and it does no good. Mum did not always manage this, and the memory of it upsets her now.
   
Made in es
Grim Dark Angels Interrogator-Chaplain




Vigo. Spain.

OgreChubbs wrote:
 Galas wrote:
My grandmother had Alzheimer, is not dementia but close enough.

The worst thing was when she wake up in the middle of the night, forgetting where she was or who we where, and triet to scape, yelling at us with a cooking knive in his hand, because she was totally scared, thinking we had kidnapped her.

It will destroy your family if this drags long enough. I recommend the same as Mad Doc Grotsnik. It is sad, but the best you can do is seek professional assistance, a good residence where they have competent people working for the people at they care (Theres a lot of shady and scummy elderly residences, avoid those).
You can visit them regularly, but the last years of his life it will be more for you than for him ,because probably he will not even know who you are. At least that was how it was with the Alzheimer of my Grandmother.
mmm just because they do not know who you are does not mean their life is worthless and not enjoyable..... thats kinda ignorant of everything that goes along with the disease.

Also 1/5 elderly are diagnosed with a form of dementia by the age of 65 so it is not that bad. There are tons of stages and such so to say throw them in a home is also dumb and brings nothing to a conversation. Most people with dementia can function perfectly well as long as someone checks in on them regularly. My sister is someone who does that, she goes and visits this one family for 3 hours a day to make sure their ate took their meds and that type of thing.

If it comes down to it there are many full time "retirement" homes for elderly to live in where they get checked in on regularly. If the doctor who diagnosed him didnt try and recommend a home chances are he is still fairly ok but may need one soon.

Also anyone who says the last few years of their life are for you not for them are just ....... not right at all. As someone whos family takes care of them in several different fashions they live very happy lives in a "good" retirement home". Just most people cant be bother with them, it was ok to take their money but not for them to take yours.


I'm not gonna disagree with you, but I was talking about my personal experience.
The last two years of his life, my grandmother wasn't even able to walk or to talk. She just didn't know how to do it. She was just in a bed, not very different from being in coma. Maybe she was an exception and Alzheimer hit her very hard, I don't know.

 BobtheInquisitor wrote:
I was the daytime caretaker for my grandmother for a year before we finally all agreed that she needed full time professional assistance that we couldn't provide. The stress and heartache were just beyond explanation. the burden is so great that it can harm the caretaker and all of his other family relationships.


This was basically our experience too. I'm glad for people that take this easy, and for them it wasn't as bad. In the case of my Grandmother, as I said, she reached a point of trying to attack us. It was horrible.

This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2017/12/08 17:42:51


 Crimson Devil wrote:

Dakka does have White Knights and is also rather infamous for it's Black Knights. A new edition brings out the passionate and not all of them are good at expressing themselves in written form. There have been plenty of hysterical responses from both sides so far. So we descend into pointless bickering with neither side listening to each other. So posting here becomes more masturbation than conversation.

ERJAK wrote:
Forcing a 40k player to keep playing 7th is basically a hate crime.

 
   
Made in se
Kid_Kyoto






Probably work

I'm glad to hear that they were able to diagnose it and react at least.

A coworker's mother had a giant amount of issues dealing with her husband here because he refused to get treatment for mental health issues and there wasn't much she could do to compel him to do anything about it, even as a wife. Wound up just separating because she couldn't deal with it anymore. Similarly, my girlfriend's father is loony in more than a handful of ways, and refuses to see a doctor about anything, and there's apparently nothing any of them can do about it. I don't know if that's because they don't understand how to procedurally escalate situations like that, or if there's literally no recourse in the US.

Good luck to you sir, and good on you for helping with the situation. I do not envy you, but I fully respect your willingness to deal with it.

Assume all my mathhammer comes from here: https://github.com/daed/mathhammer 
   
 
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